Re: Cherry Blossom Chaos: Cameron Cruise & Problem Child (c) vs. King Krusher & Strik
(FADEIN: PROBLEM CHILD wearing a pair of 3D glasses)
PC: Whaddya mean, "pretend" not to know who he is? I DON'T! NOBODY F*CKING DOES! And just on the merit that YOU know him makes me question if he's any good...at all. Between your PG-13 humor, your crappy tagline, and the fact your name makes you sound like a boss from Double Dragon, PC's motivation for embarrassing King Krusher is growing by the second. Your very existence p*sses me off more than my hispanic neighbors who hang their clothes on the stoop rail and beat the dog with a shovel. Your promos...are SO BAD...I need to wear these 3D glasses while I watch you, just to make it bearable.
How good could Striker be, REALLY? Is he more well known than say, Cameron Cruise? I DON'T THINK SO. Cammy Cruise has traveled the WORLD OVER, wrestling for Kings, Queens, Princes, PrinCESSES, Jacks, Spades, Sultans, Czars, Lords, Counts, Viscounts, Discounts, Count Chocula, the Duke of Wessex, the Earl of Hebner, the Knave of Hearts...you name 'em, he's entertained 'em! Also, he's the CSWA Greensboro County Intercontinental Juniorweight TV champion...and that's gotta count for something around here.
(Phone rings)
Hello? Yes yes, I know, stop mentioning CSWA or I'm fired, I got it!
(Click)
Now the way I see things, Cammy Cruise OWES me one, and I'm not talking about a cold one. Cause you see, I SAVED HIM from a fate worse than being teamed with me. For if I lost, he would've been teamed with JASON PAYNE, and that SUCKS dude. That'd be like teaming with King Krusher, and no man deserves a fate so harsh, not even Cameron Cruise.
(CUTTO: White Rabbit pops out from behind a wall, pointing to his pocket watch)
Sh*t, looks like it's 11:56, which means I'm almost out of time. So, in summary, King Krusher is Jason Payne with an even more constipated looking face, plus two more moves and a worse tagline. At the end of the day, King Krusher is King Krusher, AND THAT SUCKS FOR HIM! And Striker is the Alex Ovechkin of wrestling, except he's really more like the Melky Cabrera, when Melky's on the disabled list. Cameron Cruise wrestles in front of royalty, which makes him slightly better than Striker, and apparently qualifies him to be champion of Greensboro in the fed whose acronym shall not be spoken.
And PC, as usual...is THE SH*T!
(FADE)