BB: Now I believe we have the ‘joy’ of a few words from our US champion, "The English Gent" Lawrence Stanley.

SB: You better not let him hear you being sarcastic about him or he’ll lay you ‘Facedown’ in the middle of the ring!

BB: Is he paying you to say that?!?!

(The lights go out and ‘God Save the Queen’ blares out as Lawrence Stanley, Alfred and Serf walk to the ring. All three are immaculately tailored in suits and Stanley has the US title slung over his shoulder. They stop at the top of the ramp as they wait for a tirade of pyros to go off before walking to the ring. The crowd boo at the top of their voices as the threesome make their way to the ring although Stanley, Alfred and Serf appear to be giving as good as they get. Once in the ring Stanley takes the mic and waits for the crowd to quiet down.)

LS: Now Lawrence Stanley would like nothing better tonight than to show all you imbeciles in Indianapolis just why I am the natural successor to Deacon for the World title……

(The crowd boos and starts throwing things.)

BB:  Well, that's a great way to work a crowd.!

LS …….However, sadly for all you lovers of technical wrestling at its best, I cannot do so, because quite frankly Blade wasn’t up to the task of defeating "The English Gent".

BB: That’s an arguable point.

SB: Shh…..I’m listening.

BB: You want me to help you put your seat in the ring?!?!

LS: So what happens to Blade? He loses to Lawrence Stanley….and gets a World title shot. Surely the WINNER of that match should be facing off against Deacon and Radder….not the LOSER.

(Crowd start booing again and a chant of (bleep)-HOLE starts up.)

SB: He has a point.

BB: Blade has proven he’s a top draw performer.

SB: But "The English Gentleman" beat him.

LS: But then, this is just a typical example of the CSWA’s head men and their questionable decision-making.

BB: Uh-oh, he may be digging himself into a hole here.

LS: Take this…..(He holds aloft the US title.)….the US title, a very prestigious belt here in the CSWA and in wrestling in general. I am the US champion and my ‘reward’ for holding it is to keep defending it….to stay on one rung of the ladder continuously.

BB: He’s off on ladders again!

LS: I should be using my status as the US to further my career and my chances at becoming the World champion, not sitting in the same place, fighting all these US title and Stanley wannabes. It seems that the ‘brains’ in the CSWA offices want people to LOSE before they can continue up the ladder, the CSWA ‘brains’ are rewarding losers like Blade and Radder and restricting the REAL stars of the CSWA such as "The English Gent" Lawrence Stanley!

(Alfred and Serf clap behind him while the crowd get more and more irate.)

SB: He speaks the truth Buckley.

BB: Will you stop?!?!

LS: And now briefly a word on MY US title. I look at this belt and I think, ‘Why is it the US title’? What makes it so American? The answer….nothing. It is the second most prestigious title in the CSWA but there is nothing on it that suggests it typifies America in anyway. So as a man who dislikes the xenophobia of the CSWA’s ‘brains’…….

BB: Oh now he’s going to get it.

LS: ….I would like for people to think of this belt not as the US title but as a World title. Now I know we have the Heavyweight or World title being held by Deacon but I want people to look at my title and think not just of the USA but of the world. I want to help people do this by defending this worldly title in a variety of matches from around the world. Matches like a ‘British Bulldog’ match or a ‘Japanese death match’. I’m sure even you idiotic people of Indianapolis get the idea.

(Crowd start booing and the camera pans to a fan with a sign that says ‘Don’t give Stanley a mic!’)

LS: But now we must leave, the card must continue and I must go and check out my future opposition, so until next time I have the misfortune to meet you all, I’ll bid you a good day.

(The threesome leave the ring to a hail of abuse but they ignore it and walk to the back.)

BB: I don’t think Stanley did himself any favors with the heads of the CSWA there.

SB: Come on, everything he said was true.

BB: You’re quite the Stanley mark aren’t you Sammy?!?!

SB: You just don’t understand him, he should be in the main event for the title, not Blade.

BB: Whatever….speaking of the Main Event folks, there's just one more match before we get to it...and it's gonna get crazy.

BB: This is sure to be a match that will go down as being one of the most dangerous... one of the most thrilling Tag Team Championship matches in CSWA history...

SB: And that is saying a whole hell of a lot.

BB: Indeed it is. Tonight... three teams will do battle in the ultimate battleground. Inside, and ON TOP of, a Hell in a Cell CAGE!!!

(The massive structure is slowly lowered down to the ring, surrounding it...)

BB: This is a Stairway to Hell match, which means... that the competitors must wage war with eachother, find a way out of the cage... climb all the way to the very top... use one of the two ladders waiting on TOP of the cage... to reach the prize.

(The belts hang on one singular hook... above the cage...)

SB: I'm getting chills just thinking about it. Wait... maybe that's because I haven't had a drink...

BB: Relax, Sammy. Let's go to Rhubarb Jones for the introductions!!!

RJ: Ladies and Gentlemen... this next match is a STAIRWAY to HELL Match... for the CSWA UNIFIED TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP!!!

SB: This is the sleeper match of the night, people.

RJ: The winning team, will be the team which can successfully retrieve the Tag Belts from high above the steel cage. Introducing first...

(CUE UP: 'Let Me Entertain You' by Robbie Williams...)

RJ: They hail from England... at a combined weight of 555 pounds... 'Simply Devine' Michael Hardy... 'Stunning' Simon Wilcox... they are... SIMPLY STUNNING!!!!

(Hardy and Wilcox appear atop the entryway to a nice reaction from the fans...)

BB: These two high-flyers have fought very hard to earn this shot... and I know they will do whatever it takes to CAPITALIZE on it!!

SB: I have to agree with you, however reluctantly... Hardy and Wilcox have REALLY stepped up their game...WHOA! Hold on a second!! The SWAT Team!! Colt and Berreta have attacked Simply Stunning in the entryway!! I like their style!

BB: Colt and Berretta are POUNDING on SS in the aisleway!! Hardy and Colt!! Berretta and Wilcox!!! The SWAT Team is leading the English Duo towards this massive cage... and through the door they go...

SB: Lock 'em in!!!

BB: Not yet, Sammy! We need to wait for the current, reigning and defending Unified Tag Team Champi--

(CUE UP: 'Play With Me' by Insane Clown Posse...)

SB: HERE THEY COME!!

BB: 'Good God' Kevin Powers... Apocalypse... the DARK CARNIVAL!!! They're charging to the ring with purpose!!! In the Hell in a Cell they go... and the cage is being locked!!! The bell has rung and this match is officially underway!!! In the ring... Colt and Hardy are still going at it... while, outside the ring... Berretta is getting worked over by Simon Wilcox!

SB: Powers slides into the ring and immediately breaks up the fighting between Colt and Hardy... Powers grabs Colt and whips him into the ropes... Powers is able to duck a running clothesline from Colt, but Michael Hardy NEVER saw it coming and goes down!! Powers BLASTS Colt with a forearm in the side of the skull... he hooks him, and sends Colt over with a butterfly suplex!!!

BB: Outside the ring, Apocalypse is being double-teamed by Wilcox and Berretta!! They grab Apoc and whip him into the steel cage at an INCREDIBLE speed!! What IMPACT!!! Apocalypse seems to be shaking it off with ease, though.. Wilcox gets a running start, runs up the steel steps and LAUNCHES himself at Apocalypse!! Both men go down!!

SB: Wilcox just took a VERY risky move against a man as powerful as Apocalyose...

BB: Meanwhile, Berretta is capitalizing on both men being down... and he's sliding back into the ring to aid his partner against Hardy and Powers!!!

SB: Smart thinking...

BB: Berretta nails Powers from behind... and he and Colt grab Powers... DOUBLE VERTICAL SUPLEX!!! Colt hits the ropes and NAILS a running elbow drop on the chest of Kevin Powers... Berretta hits the ropes, driving his knee into the throat of Powers!!! But Michael Hardy is back to his feet... He ducks a double clothesline from the SWAT Team, hits the ropes... SPRINGBOARD MOONSAULT takes BOTH members of the SWAT team down!!!

SB: Lots of speed from Hardy!! He and Wilcox may be the quickest men in the CSWA today. SB: That could spell trouble for... whoever is in the ring.

BB: The SWAT Team is back on their feet after a flurry of offense from Michael Hardy... and they're working him over in the corner... meanwhile, Kevin Powers and Apocalypse seem to be talking strategy... and they're making their way towards the SWAT team!!!

SB: This match is about to be put into high gear!

BB: It sure is!! Powers and Apoc tap Colt and Berretta on the shoulder... they turn and are met by two HUGE right hands to the jaw!! Apocalypse hit Colt so hard, he went OVER the top and OUT of the ring!! Powers and Beretta trade punches, and finally, POwers grabs Beretta... OVERHEAD SUPLEX takes Beretta down to the mat... and Apocalypse is right there, waiting to pick up the pieces!!! He pulls Beretta back to his feet quickly... lays in a quick boot to the stomach... and NAILS Beretta with a fast and devestating DDT.

SB: Apocalypse is one of the fastest big-men in the business, as well. And you need to keep in mind, this is the match that the Dark Carnival wanted... they know EXACTLY what their plan is... they know EXACTLY how to execute this match to their advantage. It's just a matter of making it happen.

BB: That's a good point, Sammy... I'm almost surprised YOU said it! back to the action... What the-- Michael Hardy has ascended the top rope... and he NAILS Apocalypse with a MISSILE DROPKICK!!! And here comes Simpn Wilcox, on the opposite turnbuckle... he's waiting for Powers to get in a position to drop kick him... But, Colt just hopped onto the apron and he just CROTCHED Hardy!!!

SB: I'm telling you... the SWAT Team are looking very good tonight! They wnat those Unified Belts back around their waists!

BB: Colt is going up top WITH Hardy... TOP ROPE BULLDOG!!! OH MY!!! Beretta and Powers are locked up... quick go-behind by Kevin Powers... standing switch by Beretta... GERMAN SUPLEX!!! Hardy was about to go attack Beretta but Colt cut him off with a REVERSE RUSSIAN LEGSWEEP on Hardy!!!

SB: These guys are focused, Buckley!

BB: You may be right... looks like Colt and Beretta are going to try to find a way out of this cage! Colt is trying to open the door... testing the limits of the lock... while Beretta seems to be looking at the CEILING of the cage!?!

SB: Well... they better find it fast... because the Carnival is back on their feet!!! And they don't look pleased!!!

BB: Powers goes right after the pre-occupied Beretta... sneaking up behind him, grabbing him by the head... REVERSE DDT!!! OH MY!!

SB: And look at Apoc!!

BB: Apocalypse is outide the ring, just behind Colt, who is still trying to rip the door off it's hinges... Apocalypse just grabs Colt's head.., and SMASHES it into the chain-link cage!!! Again!!! and again!!!

SB: The universal key... ram someone's head into the locked door. Works every time!

BB: Well... it's not working THIS time!!! Hold on a second... Michael Hardy is back on his feet... he hits the far ropes... SOMMERSAULT SPLASH onto Apocalypse!!! That forced Apocalypse into the cage VERY hard!!

SB: From where I am sitting, it almost looks like... like the door is almost off it's hinges!!

BB: You're right, Sammy!! And here comes Simon Wilcox... again on the top rope... CROSS BODY onto Colt, Apoc, and even Hardy!!! And that sends the pile of wrestlers THROUGH the cage door!!! The entire complection of this match-up has changed irrevocably!! The next stage of this Tag Title Mathc begins now... it's a race UP the cage and TO the belts...

SB: That's easier said than done, Buckley... All six of these men are phyically spent...

BB: ANOTHER good point, Sammy. Be careful, youd HATE to set a prescedent. back to action... Apocalypse and Colt are battling in the aiselway... as-- LOOK AT THIS!! Michael Hardy is streaking up the cage... but, here comes Kevin Powers!!! He just BOLTED out the door and he's already getting a good foothold in the cage... back in the ring, Beretta is shaking out the cobwebs...

SB: And look at Wilcox... he's trying to keep Apocalypse from climbing up the cage... he and Colt are doing a good job of keeping the big man at bay... but how long can they hold him off?

BB: Hardy and Powers!! They're still climbing up the cage... but... they're FIGHTING eachother on the way up!! Both men are exchanging blows!! This is such a dangerous match!! A career ending match, even!! Michael Hardy is the first man to make it up top... and he's waiting on Powers--

SB: If Hardy had ANY brains... he'd stomp on Powers' fingers...

BB: Hardy is a SPORTSMAN, Sammy. Look it up in the dictionary!!

SB: Sportsman... loser... same thing.

BB: Powerrs is up on the cage and he IMMEDIATELY walks into a fast kick to the midsection from Hardy... SUPLEX on top of the cage!! That can take your breathe away, Sammy!

SB: As long as they don't take my drinks...

BB: On the outside... Beretta and Colt are literally POUNDING on Apocalypse... stomping him into the concrete... meanwhile, taking advantage of the distraction... Simon Wilcox is climbing up the cage!! Kevin Powers is about to be outnumbered!!! WAIT!!! Wilcox just let go of his gripo on the cage, falling on top of Colt and Beretta!!! What a death-defying manuever!!! I think that may have SERIOUSLY done damage to Colt and Beretta... neither of them are moving!!!

SB: LOOK! At the top of the cage!! Hardy is going for one of the ladders!!!

BB: Hardy has the ladder, and as Powers gets to his feet-- Hardy CHARGES across the cage and WHACKS Powers square in the FACE with it!!! Powers staggers back... but does not go down!! Hardy adjusts his footing on that cage, and swings the ladder again!! powers DUCKED it!!! Powers with a dropkick-- RIGHT INTO THE LADDER!! That nails Hardy hard and he goes down!! He almost fell off the cage!!!

SB: Moron!!

BB: Outside the ring... Apocalypse is on his feet... and so is Simon Wilcox... Apoc grabs Wilcox... and uses him as a battering ram... INTO the cage wall!! Good LORD!! That just compressed the spine of Simon Wilcox!!! Back on top of the cage... Powers is setting that ladder up... and... he's going up!!! Kevin Powers is going for the belts!!! he's just three, maybe four steps away from retaining his titles!!!

SB: OHHH! Michael Hardy just SPEARED the ladder out from under Powers!!!

BB: Now, Hardy is setting the ladder up himself... and he's slowly making his way up the ladder!!! He's taking his time... I don't blame him, look how high up they are, Sammy!! Hardy is THIS CLOSE!!! He is just INCHES away... and... hang ON a second!!! The cable holding the belts... it just... rose up... the belts were just raised out of Hardy's reach!!!

SB: Ha! I love it!!

BB: Who is DOING that?

(CUT TO: The aisleway... the Hip Hop Express stand there, broad smiles across their faces... Boogie holds some sort of control panel....)

BB: The HIP HOP EXPRESS have just screwed Simply Stunning!!! OOOHHH! Powers just knocked that ladder over, taking Hardy with it!!!

SB: You couldn't pay me enough to go up there... well... maybe you could...

BB: I'll go get my checkbook. LOOK!! Apocalypse is climbing up the cage!!! Michael Hardy is only a few seconds away from being outnumbered over 20 feet in the air!!! Not a safe place to be outnumbered!

SB: But... Wilcox is getting to his feet... and he's starting to climb up the cage, too!!

BB: Yes he is... incredibly!! Apocalypse is on the cage!!! And he's going after the OTHER ladder... meanwhile... Security has just removed the Hip Hop Express from the aisleway... I can't believe that they would tarnish the outcome of this match!!!

SB: Believe it, Buckley!!

BB: Wilcox is on the cage... and he is setting that ladder back up... right next to Apocalypses'!!! Apoc and Wilcox are climbing... on DIFFERENT ladders... for the SAME pair of belts!!! Meanwhile, both Powers and Hardy are stirring... Hardy is climbing up the other side of Apocalypses' ladder... while Powers is going right up the other side of Wilcox' ladder... and all four men are fighting atop those ladders!!! Over 20 feet in the air!!! Powers rocks Wilcox back with a stiff right... and Wilcox just fell off the ladder onto the cage!!!

SB: Apocalypse just lost his footing on the ladder!! The laddr is wobbling... and Wilcox just yanked Apocalypse off the ladder from the cage!!!

BB: Powers reaches up!!! Hardy reaches up!!! They BOTH have their hands on the belts!!!

SB: What the--

BB: Powers has one of the belts!!!

SB: But... Hardy has the other one!!!

BB: both men just fell off their respective ladders... and... I really don't know who WON this match!! Both Powers AND Hardy grabbed the gold and landed on the cage at the same time!!! Who won this match, Sammy? Who are the Unified Champions?

SB: Don't ask me, Buckley. I'll let the suits sort all of this out.

BB: This match did not disappoint, that's for sure... it was everything we expected... and more... and we STILL don't know who WON the damn thing!!

SB: You've gotta love the CSWA.

Go on to:  Part 6 of INDY2K

COMING LATER THIS WEEKEND! 

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