|
"The Original
King Of Cool" JJ DeVille |
(CUE
UP: “Where The Downboys Go” by
Winger – loud pop)
BB:
Sammy, this one seems like it might be a little one-sided, if you ask
me…
(JJ
DeVille is standing at the top of the ramp, with his arms extended, a kendo
stick in one hand)
SB:
Of course! JJ DeVille is a
lethal weapon, he’s going to destroy that wanna-be skater punk, Lance Liezure!
BB:
Heaven forbid we put talent over, Sammy… Look at that geek do the
SB:
Heaven forbid we put this piece of talent over, even though he already is
a fan favorite wherever he goes!
BB:
What’s JJ saying to Rhubarb, Sammy?
SB:
Probably, “No autographs”…
JJ:
(speaking into Rhubarb’s microphone) Rhubarb Jones… IF THAT IS INDEED
YOUR REAL NAME… Make the announcement…
RJ:
(laughing) I’ve just been informed by Mr. DeVille that this is the
co-main event of tonight’s ANNIVERSARY spectacular!
SB:
What’s with the chuckle, Buckley, this is Main Event material!
BB:
Riiiiiiight…
(CUE
UP: “Feel So Numb” by Rob Zombie
– huge pop, probably because the crowd hates JJ so much.
Lance Liezure is holding a skateboard over his head, by the trucks, and
has a huge smile on his face.)
RJ:
And now…(still laughing at JJ) LANCE Liezure!
BB:
Sammy, you want to clock this one?
SB:
If it goes over two minutes, it’s because JJ wants it to.
BB:
OK… Liezure charges the
ring and he rolls in, JJ swings that kendo stick and he misses… Again, but Liezure
blocks it with the skateboard, a kick to the midsection by Lance Liezure, and a
DDT ON THE SKATEBOARD, JJ BOUNCES BACK UP TO HIS KNEES… LANCE Liezure WITH A
HARD BOOT TO THE FACE OF JJ DeVille AND THE “KING OF COOL” JUST ROLLED OUT
OF THE RING!
SB:
JJ has this match under control, and exactly
where he wants it!
BB:
Lance Liezure has headed outside, and he’s laying his right hand
against JJ DeVille… This guy is intense, determined, and he’s starting to
build quite the cult following within the fans of the CSWA.
There he goes, throwing JJ into the steel steps…
(JJ’s
scream is audible)
BB:
And Liezure with a shot to the other side, and JJ goes FLYING into the
rail…
(Twice
as loud, JJ’s scream causes Buckley to laugh)
SB:
This isn’t funny, Buckley!
BB:
No… but that is! Lance Liezure
is doing the
SB:
That’s a biased official!
BB:
He might be, but then again, aren’t we all biased against JJ DeVille?
It’s a moot point, Sammy, all that matters is Liezure looks biased
against him. What a legdrop by the
rookie sensation, and now he’s got JJ by the side of the head and he’s
smashing the “waterboy” for the Playboys’ head against the arena floor…
JJ might not ever wrestle again!
SB:
This isn’t right!
BB:
It’s a street fight, Sammy!
SB:
Like that closed fist to the side of the face… it’s not right!
BB:
And now, Liezure is certainly in the driver’s seat as he scoops JJ up
for the ride… what a powerslam on the floor!
Liezure might only be wrestling JJ DeVille, but make no mistakes, this
kid has got big things laying ahead of him…
SB:
Only wrestling JJ? Only
wrestling JJ? You’re joking,
right, Buckley?
BB:
Lance Liezure now, following up with a hip toss onto the floor here, and
he’s heading our way, Sammy!
SB:
I might go after that punk myself!
BB:
You don’t want that. Sit
down and call tonight’s great matches, instead of getting killed by Liezure.
SB:
I’ll have you know, I’m quite the underground fighter… BUT THAT’S
CHEATING!
BB:
This is a street fight, Sammy, if Lance Liezure wants a steel chair, he
can have it!
SB:
That’s cheating!
BB:
Lance swings at JJ DeVille, JJ ducks… WHAT THE… A JUDO CHOP BY JJ DeVille,
AND LANCE Liezure LAUGHS IN HIS FACE… CHAIR SHOT TO THE HEAD OF JJ DEVILLE AND
I THINK JJ MAY NEVER SHUFFLE
SB:
Lance Liezure is a madman, and should be arrested!
BB:
This is the CSWA, we’ve watched a half a million chair shots in our
time as commentators, Sammy… And now Lance Liezure is throwing JJ back into
the ring… And he’s heading back
our way…
SB:
You better watch out, Buckley, he might go for you!
BB:
Oh would you give it a rest? Lance
Liezure is doing us all a favor by silencing JJ DeVille!
This crowd is giving it up for this young favorite!
SB:
The man is picking up a microphone for crying out loud!
BB:
And he’s heading back in the ring, I don’t know what he’s doing…
he charges in, and scoops JJ up to his feet…
(Microphone
reverberates as it smacks across the forehead of JJ DeVille)
SB:
That’s uncalled for!
BB:
JJ DeVille is screaming for his mom, right now, folks, and now Lance Liezure
has wrapped his hands around JJ’s neck, and he’s strangling him!
Mic: (between gasps for air) OK… OK… IT IS INDEED… IT IS… YOUR… IT IS… YOUR… YOUR…IT’S YOUR REAL NAME… LANCE…
BB:
(laughing) Good lord, did you
hear that Benson? We finally have
confirmation, his name really is Lance Liezure.
Sweet Lord, JJ’s trying to break out with a Judo chop again!
AND A KICK TO THE SHIN!
SB:
IT DIDN’T WORK! Liezure
MUST BE IMPERVIOUS TO PAIN!
BB:
(maniacally laughing) What? And
there it is, folks, the Liezure Suite… an old-style rocker dropper on top of
that chair, and I think this one is mercifully over.
SB:
NO!
B:
(along with Manny Juarez and the crowd) One… two… three!
Thank the Lord, JJ might not have a voice after tonight!
SB:
That’s horrible news, who’s going to answer Eddy’s phone?
(As
Lance is grabbing for his skateboard, one of the fans vaults over the guardrail,
clad in torn blue jeans, a black t-shirt and a ripped denim jacket. With his
chin length dark blonde hair whipping behind him, he rolls into the ring,
jerking the skateboard out of Liezure's hands.)
BB:
What the--?!
SB:
Who the HELL is that?
(The
"fan", capitalizing on Liezure's shock, rears back with the
skateboard, slamming it into the side of Lance's head, snapping the board into
two pieces. Liezure stumbles for a moment before the "fan" nails him
with a double knee lift before hitting a swift DDT.)
SB:
IT DOESN’T MATTER WHO HE IS, HE JUST LEVELED Liezure!
YES!
BB:
Wait a minute! That's no fan! And the small contingent of alternative wrestling
programming fans in the audience recognize him! I'm not sure that we can use his
pseudonym due to copyright laws, since I don’t know his contractual situation,
but that's Nate Logan!
(
NL:
You call THIS a street fight? This federation doesn't know the MEANING of those
two words. And especially not the two elitist pricks lying in this ring. You
see, I'm here to educate the CSWA. You people NEED to know what hardcore really
means. You people NEED to know what
extreme really means. And I know what you're thinking...he can't do this. This
isn't legal.
BB:
He can't do this! This isn't legal!
SB:
Shut up, Buckley, you were going to let that skater punk Liezure murder JJ DeVille…
Lance got EXACTLY what he deserves!
NL:
Well guess what fellas? IT IS! That's right, I am signed, sealed, and
tonight...I JUST DELIVERED. The hero of the indy leagues has just become the
zero of the CSWA.
BB:
A contract?
NL:
And from this day forward, the CSWA will truly know...the definition of X-treme.
(