BB: What a night so far, Sammy! Folks it only gets better with the mystery tag match between "Hurricane" Eddy Love and “The Wolf” Mike Randalls.

SB: That’s amazing.

BB: What is?

SB: After all these years you still say it with pop.

BB: Sammy, this has been one hell of a show to this point.

SB: And you lecture me about family values and entertainment for all ages yet here you are blatantly lying to the masses.

(Dramatic pause)

SB: I may actually be starting to warm up to ya.

BB: My wildest dreams are coming true.

SB: Watch it Buckley you’re on thin ice as it is. Actually, I'm just kidding...seeing Sweet Melissa again made it worth my money.  

BB: Back to the mystery tag match....

SB: Did you ever think it’d be much more of a mystery if you didn’t hype it as a ‘mystery tag match.’ Now the peons at home are going into this segment with their eyes wide open. “Hey folks be on the look out for anything out of the ordinary.”

BB: Cute. Merritt booked the match Sammy, not I.

SB: Not I? What are you...looking for tenure here in the CSWA finally? 

BB: Eddy Love versus Mike Randalls.

SB: Here’s a better idea Buckley. Let’s use this space to bring out the stand up comic I hired. He’s a little green but I think he’ll come through under pressure.

BB: So you’re finally admitting your brand of humor went out years ago? See Sammy, this is why Chad previously hired the Red Midget. But hey if you’re going to react a little better this time around to a new co-host, I’m all for it.

SB: For crying out loud Buckley let dead dogs lie.  I did.

BB: Oh that’s just wrong.

SB: Why?

BB: Because you tried to kill the little man!

SB: Nice subtle dig there, like that’s any better.

BB: It’s late...I tried.

SB: Don’t. And for the record I was CLEARED BY A JURY, an unbiased group of my peers. If those closest to you don’t know you, who does? And they ruled I WAS INNOCENT!

BB. I still say you should have been made to try on the glove.

SB: Please...please let me bring out the comic. Fourteen years later, Buckley thinks he’s funny. MESA BILL BUCKLEY, I STEP IN DODO. The hardcore fans already hate you; don’t give them more reason to fire.

BB: You realize we’ll be sued by LucasFilm.

SB: Great just one more thing I can mark off on my “to-do” list.

BB: Is ‘provide color for mystery tag match’ anywhere on that list?

SB: (looks at papers in front of him) I think so. Yep, right under win job as Olsen Twins’ pool boy.

BB: Geez saint Louise.

SB: I’m trying to help the cause...that’s a brand name of family entertainment I just...

BB: Drug through the mud?

SB: Sssh...don’t wake him up.

BB: Good grief how have you managed to NOT get fired in all these years?

SB: BUCKLEY!  I HAVE!

BB: Oh yeah... that period in my life I lovingly refer to as ‘the glory days’.

SB: Thin ice.

(lights cut out)

("Oh Well" by Fleetwood Mac cues up as the TV walls light up in red and black.)

RHUBARB JONES: From the Mojave Desert . He is two-time former UNIFIED WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION, “The Wolf” Mike Randalls!

(The crowd boos as the hooded man steps onto the rampway and throws back the hood, revealing the stubble and black-and-red 'warpaint' Randalls has recently acquired.)

BB: Mike Randalls is on his way!

SB: Thanks, Buckley.  Like we couldn’t tell that from the drop in temperature alone. Yoda says the Dark Side is cold.

(Randalls is oblivious to the hands outstretched to touch him.  'Focused' is an understatement as he approaches the ring.)

BB: For crying out loud Sammy what’s with all the Star Wars references?

("Whole Lotta Love" Led Zeppelin picks up the pace)

SB: I can’t help it. I get this way near overcommercialization.  Episode II is just five months away!

BB:  Nothing like getting ready early.

(Love steps onto the walkway, Sweet Melissa at his side once again.  From their appearance, it’s no wonder why they 'always go home with the teddy bear.')

RHUBARB JONES: From South Carolina , former CSWA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT AND CSWA UNIFIED TAG TEAM CHAMPION, accompanied by the lovely Sweet Melissa, “The Legend Killer,” HURRICANE EDDY LOVE!

BB: These two great champions are set to square off, but Sammy I don’t see either man’s mystery tag partner!

SB: I tried to tell you. It’s much more effective when you don’t build it to the moon.

(Eddy steps back from Randalls, looks at his corner, then hits his head as if he forgot something)

BB: Love just signaled to the back! Who is it Sammy?

SB: THE STAY PUFF MARSHMELLOW MAN!

BB: That’s not funny.

SB: Watch it be true.

(Circus music plays as two midgets come running to the ring. One is a spoof of Randalls, actually foaming at the mouth. The other is dressed up like a Shrink (now that’s subtle humor).)

BB: Oh dear...

SB: Sweet...

BB: Goodness. Midgets!

SB: Quick Buckley act like you’re asleep...maybe they’ll go away.

(Huge pop at the midgets. The little guys hop up in Eddy’s corner. Randalls doesn’t bat an eye.  Maybe he's waiting for the "Three Little Pigs.")

BB: Frankly, I’m a little disappointed in the choice here. Fans here were expecting Deacon, or I dunno...a full sized opponent!   But here we go!  Love and Randalls lock up.  Eddy puts Randalls in an early headlock.

SB: I would say good things come in small packages, but there was a trial to prove otherwise.

BB: Randalls backs Love into the ropes, fires him across the ring, clothesline attempt Love ducks hits the ropes, and floors Mike with a forearm smash!

SB: Getting an early start is important to Love. Buckley I wonder if Randalls’ partner is a halfling too? If so I pray for Emmanuel Lewis...the kid has gotta be near suicidal that he’s been out of work this long.

(Love body slams Mikey... then turns around to pose for the midgets)

BB: I hate to tell you Sammy, but Emmanuel Lewis is not a kid! He was 40 when they shot Webster!  Randalls grabs Love from behind, neckbreaker! Never turn your back on the Wolf! Randalls kneels over Love and pounds away, thumping Eddy’s skull with right after right.

SB: THEY SHOT WEBSTER? Oh man. I think that classifies as the worst sit-com series finale. I’ve said for years little people need a union.

(Randalls stares down the midgets, who are close to wetting their pants.)

BB: The fans want the midgets!! And they’re gonna get’em! The Wolf midget just tagged himself in!

SB: What’s the theme for this PPV? Back to basics? Merritt’s lost his mind.

(The 'shrink' hops in the ring as well. Randalls throws Eddy out of the ring and looks on curiously.)

BB: Well, it’s two against one now. I guess that’s counted as two.   Speaking of two... I guess Randalls either didn't want... or couldn't find... a partner for tonight.

(The shrink has a fold out table he sets up in one corner of the ring. The Wolf midget runs around in circles, foaming at the mouth much to the crowd’s delight.)

SB. I guess “that’s” counted as two. Nice Buckley the poor guy is referred to as “THAT”. I wonder what “IT” is up to?

BB: The Wolf jumps on the table and lies down! Sammy we’ve got a therapy session underway!

(The crowd laughs their heads off. The two midgets mime out a discussion. Randalls starts to move over to their direction)

BB: Eddy Love is back in the ring, he’s a step from Randalls.....no! Mike turns around just in time and drops Love with a left hook!

(The midgets rush to their feet and plant a double dropkick on Randalls’ left knee)

SB: That’s the best tag move we’ve seen all night.

BB: Randalls spins around quickly he’s got the Wolf midget by the throat! CHOKESLAM THROUGH THE MINI-TABLE!

(Fans stand to applaud.)

SB: Check out Doctor Toss!  He’s heading for the hills.

BB: Smart man. Love knees Randalls from behind! Mike’s head busted into the turnbuckle!  Sammy, jokes aside, I don’t think either man wanted a tag match. It’s one-on-one from here on out!   There's a running neckbreaker by Love!

SB: Just as well I guess. Though someone needs to watch Webster round the clock. How quickly a reason to live can be taken away.

BB: Eddy sets up for the figure four! Randalls kicks him off, Love bounces off the ropes and dropkicks a sitting Randalls! That was nice. A quick pin, ONE.......Mike’s up! A bit lazy on the cover.   Eddy Love goes for the figure four again... but The Wolf kicks him off.  Love comes off the ropes... and he gets kick right in the sandbags!

SB: Love is anything but lazy Buckley!  Sandbags?  Wait a minute... LOW BLOW!   Sweet Melissa and I are outraged!

BB: I'm not even gonna touch that one with a ten-foot pole. Randalls slams Love’s head into a turnbuckle. Once, twice, three times the lady! Love drops to his feet, Randalls hurries out of the ring.

SB: Did we really expect him to stay in the ring?

BB: Probably not... but I don't know if we expected Mike Randalls to wrap Eddy Love's leg around the ring post like that!  And now he hooks the figure four on the outside...around the ring post!!!  The former CSWA World Champion is in serious pain! Randalls has the figure four hooked in extremely well!

SB: For you kids at home, try this, it actually hurts. A ring post will be hard to find, but wrap your younger brother or sister’s legs around the posts in the stairwell, just as effective.

(Big time POP from the crowd...something's up!) (A five-note refrain plays as the TV wall lights up in various colors.)

BB: What’s this? Sammy!!

("Theme To Close Encounters of the Third Kind" plays... that same five-note refrain in orchestral fashion.)

(Mark Windham, in long black tights and an off-white Greatest American Hero t-shirt, slowly walks to the ring. His hair is dyed black, shoulder length, slightly covering both eyes.)

SB: I can take midgets!! But not this loon!

BB: Listen to this place Sammy! It’s rockin’ baby! The Living Legend returns to Greensboro!

SB:  The Living X-File, that is.  Even his music is loony!

(Mike Randalls sees Windham and quickly lets go of the hold. Eddy painfully retreats to the middle of the ring. Randalls is on guard as Windham creeps past him. The two exchange stares, before Mark climbs into Randalls’ corner.)

BB: NO WAY !

SB: Come on, let the two nut jobs go at it! It might be the only therapy that can help either of them.

BB: Randalls is stunned...everyone is! Mike Randalls and Mark Windham as a team? You’ve got to be kidding. Randalls really didn't have a partner... but apparently now he does!

(Randalls rolls into the ring.)

SB: I don’t think Mikey is too pleased with it. China and the United States have better relations than Windham and Randalls.

BB: Mike picks up Love, sideslam! Considering the second thing Mark did when he walked down the aisle a month or so ago was punch Randalls.. .I can't imagine Mike's real thrilled.

(The fans start to chant “We Want Mark!”)

SB: Don’t do it Randalls. Please.

BB: He’s looking that way, but shakes his head. Understandably he’s a little weary. Randalls throws Love into the ropes, WINDHAM KICKS HIM IN THE BACK OFF THE ROPES! Love staggers forward...IMPLANT DDT!

(Randalls gets back up quickly to guard against Windham .)

BB: Windham is asking Randalls for a leap of faith. Mikey’s not buying it, Sammy. Randalls looking for a suplex maybe, Love blocks it! Love snap suplex! Pendulum Back Breaker! Eddy going to work on The Wolf!

SB: He’s a man for all seasons. After the bombs you laid around here, Eddy had to take the humor up a notch and he did. Right now he’s taking Mike Randalls’ career down a notch.

BB: I think the midgets did that Sammy. Love with a slingshot suplex! He’s got a few choice words for Mark Windham!

SB: That’s my boy. Tell him off Eddy, it’s about time someone around here did!

BB: This looks like a Russian leg sweep...no! Randalls turns it into a frontface slam! Mike crawls to the corner, he’s about to tag!

(The crowd wants it bad)

SB: No, Mike no!

BB: Randalls can’t bring himself to tag. He steadies Love, DIAMOND CUTTER! Randalls is going to the top rope!

SB: How many times does that actually work?

BB: Good point. But this has a good chance of working. Randalls OFF THE TOP!!! HEADBUTT!! Patrick Young covers, ONE...TWO...TWO AND NO MORE!

SB: I don’t like this one bit. Eddy is taking too much pain. He can handle it, but we’ve got a party to go to afterwards! Whether he wants a partner or not get Troy Windham out here!

BB: Troy has his own problems tonight! Randalls puts Eddy on the top rope!  Again the former Unified Champion, goes to the top rope. Mike hooks the tights...Eddy fights it off! He knocks Randalls to the mat, and now climbs down himself.

SB: Smart move champ.  Don’t play that game! I’ve taught him well.

BB: Eddy Love, in deep trouble one minute, but staging a comeback the next. Viagra driver! Love covers, ONE...TWO...no!

SB: Randalls got up from that one!

BB: Ahem. Figure four! Third time is a charm for Eddy Love. Randalls has been through it all in the business, I seriously doubt a figure four will force him to give it up tonight.

SB: That’s not the point. If these idiots out here or at home could spell I’d ask them to sound out, T-R-O-U-B-L-E. That’s exactly what Mike Randalls is in.

BB: Love tries to apply more pressure to the legs of Randalls.  The Wolf won’t give...but he might pass out. He can't turn Love over.  Regardless he’s being worked over!

SB: Is it any wonder why you’ve won a Cable Ace award.

BB: Randalls' back goes down to the mat!  ONE......TWO..... no!  Look at that, Randalls just looked back into the corner.  If he could, I think Randalls would tag right now.

SB: He’s smarter than that. Wait, what am I saying?

BB: Randalls is trying to back up...trying to inch his way to the corner.  This crowd is on its feet!  He’s almost there! Mark Windham is stretching as far as he can...Windham’s return is close!

SB: He’s almost there? What are you talking about? The man is in the middle of the blasted ring!

BB: Randalls PULLS CLOSER! Their hands are a foot apart! It has to happen Sammy!

SB: A lot of things have to happen, namely me getting plastered after the show, but a tag to the Living X-File isn’t one of them.

(Randalls backs closer.)

BB: Inches away! Come on Mike!

SB: Nice impartial call there.

BB: What about you?

SB: Good point. Fight it Eddy! Fight it!

BB:  Randalls inches even closer.  Eddy Love reaches down deep and pulls Randalls back with all the strength he's got toward the middle of the ring.  But as he does it...Mark Windham jumps over the top and tags himself in!

(HUGE POP)

BB: Windham is in! Mark... elbow drop on Love!

SB: THAT WASN’T LEGAL AND YOU D----DARN WELL KNOW IT!

BB: Windham pulls Love to his feet.  He sends him across....powerslam!!!  And now.... WINDHAM HAS THE SCORPION DEATHLOCK HOOKED! I DON’T BELIEVE IT!

SB: Marvin, get those midgets back out here now! For crying out loud they only had half the job to do that Eddy does and they didn’t do it!

BB: Randalls limps up to the top rope. Windham releases the Scorpion and takes Eddy :ove on his shoulders. Randalls from the top with a clothesline!

(Mark plays to the crowd. Randalls stands back in the corner watching carefully.)

BB: Windham scoops up Love, HUMAN TORTURE RACK!! How many titles has Windham won with this very move, Sammy?

SB: I won’t answer. You can’t make me.   Anyway, I think the number's very low.

BB: Love is hung out to dry. Seconds away perhaps from a victory! Mark clamping down hard! This crowd is eating it up!

SB: They’d eat anything for the right price. That’s a fact and you know it.

(A masked man walks up the ring steps and cracks Randalls from behind with a chair.)

BB: What’s going on here? Some nut in mask...look out Mark!!

(A masked man whacks the chair across Windham’s back. Mark drops to his knees. Windham takes two vicious chair shots to the head.)

BB: Oh no!

(The crowd is eerily silent)

SB: Oh yes! That’s not a nut, Buckley!  IT'S EDDY LOVE'S TAG TEAM PARTNER!

BB: What?!

(The masked man rushes over to Randalls and stomps feverishly. He drags Randalls to his feet and flips him up.)

BB: POWERBOMB! Randalls’ head cracked hard against the mat.

SB: Good! I thought I was hearing things.

BB: This partner of Love’s is making his way back to Windham. He drops an elbow on the former CSWA stalwart...and now he's standing over him talking trash!  He reaches down and rips off Windham's "Greatest American Hero" T-shirt... and now he's posing for the crowd, using that T-shirt to wipe under his arm pits.  Now he throws it into the crowd!

SB:  Where no doubt some pimply-faced 13 year old man-child will treasure it for a lifetime.

BB: Love barely up to his feet, but the Legend Killer is grinning ear to ear. This was a set-up all along. He waited Randalls out, sacrificing himself for the perfect time!

SB: I told you he was brilliant.

BB:  The masked man is going up top!  Eddy Love has Randalls...and he’s feeding him to his buddy on the top turnbuckle. This can’t be good.

SB: It depends if you like senseless violence. I do.

BB: POWERBOMB FROM THE TOP ROPE! Man oh man. Eddy Love half out of it, does the Fargo strut before covering! ONE.................. TWO................ THREE!! That was academic. Eddy Love and the masked man win the match!

SB: Now THIS is a good mystery Buckley. Love knows how to set it up right.

BB: Eddy’s telling him to pull off the mask.  The damage is done, show yourself at least.

(The masked man jumps on the middle rope and yanks off the mask.)

(Most of the crowd goes wild... others are shocked.)

BB: OHHHHHHH! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? CAN....YOU....BELIEVE IT!  IT'S GUNS! IT'S GUNS! Former CSWA and EN World Champion, GUNS! Oh—

SB: Let me say it for you. Oh sh**!  It's El Toro Part Deux!

BB: I’m shocked. I’m dismayed. I’m shocked and dismayed. Love has Windham, GUNS from the middle rope...SPIKED PILEDRIVER!

SB: Guns got a bonus when Windham came out. Two birds with one stone -- he’s a smart shopper.

BB: Eddy Love has turned the CSWA upside down.  How did he do it?  And why did Merritt let him?  Or did he?  Good grief. Guns in the face of a fallen Randalls! It’s been almost four years hasn’t it? But the man who retired Hornet is back. What next? What blasted well next?

SB: I think the two men to ask are in the ring. Go for it Buckley.

BB: Not a chance. I don’t know what to say fans. I THOUGHT THAT MAN WAS BANNED. Can he even be here right now?

SB: Obviously he is, you twit. It’s like watching Cinemax late at night. Just sit back and enjoy it, no need to feel guilty.

BB: Oh right. There are questions to be answered no two ways about it! Eddy Love has shocked the wrestling world and brought back in the CSWA’s worst nightmare.... or at least Mike Randalls' and Mark Windham's worst nightmares!

SB: There’s a price to pay for that, Buckley.  And Windham and Randalls just felt it first.

BB: Marvin, we need to cut to a promo or something while I regroup. Windham and Randalls...is that a team now? And what is Guns here for?  Windham has spoken of doubts and knowing what lies ahead in his comeback, but he could NOT HAVE had a clue that GUNS was about to walk back into his life. Into everybody’s life. Marvin cut to it...I’m lost.

(CUTTO:  "The Best of ANNIVERSARY" DVD set promo.  From "Hot Southern Days and Rock 'n Roll Nights" in Nashville to the Merritt Auditorium...it's all here!)