[CUT TO: Dan Ryan’s office, as he sits and goes through some paperwork prior to Aggression 24. A knock on the door is heard, and without raising his head Ryan calls out to come in. Seconds later The Sergeant walks in. Ryan continues to look at his desk.]
Ryan: What can I do for you?
Sarge: Here’s the thing. I’m new and all, but I just don’t get this. Frankie Scott hits me with a pair of knucks, takes a cheap win and you reward him with a NO DQ match. Am I missing something here? How is that fair?
Ryan: Who said I was rewarding Frankie Scott?
Sarge: Well, that’s how it looks to me.
Ryan: Maybe I’m just leveling the playing field a little bit. [Ryan looks up from his desk at Sergeant for the first time.] You know, I’m aware that you’re all into glory and honor and good boy scout deeds and all that. I know you’re not a guy who breaks the rules. So, what if you were in a match where there WERE no rules? Did you ever think of it that way?
Sarge: It’s a good point you make.
Ryan: [Nodding] Glad you like it. Now then, is there anything else?
Sarge: [Shaking his head] Nah, boss. Thanks for your time.
[The Sergeant turns and walks out, leaving Ryan looking behind him, muttering as he returns to his paperwork.]
Ryan: [Under his breath] Rookies…
[[CUE UP: "Imperial March" - Rage Against the Machine. A video montage plays, featuring smoke-wreathed images of various wrestlers, some of them leaving blurred trails as they move.
CUT TO: Beast nailing the Absolution on Adam Benjamin.
CUT TO: Karl Brown coming off the ropes with a Quebrada.
CUT TO: Steven Shane standing victorious in the ring.
CUT TO: JA delivering the Karelin Driver to Ron Artest
CUT TO: Adam Benjamin delivering a Shining Wizard to Karl Brown.
CUT TO: Joey Melton, mugging for the crowd.
CUT TO: Boogie Smallz lighting up a blunt.
CUT TO: Lindsay Troy dropkicking Beast.
CUT TO: JA and Sebastian Dodd locking up in the middle of the ring.
CUT TO: Troy Windham, mugging with the Entourage.
CUT TO: Dan Ryan sitting sedately in a chair, staring into the camera.
CUTTO: With a clash of metal, a logo slams across the screen, its edges flickering.]
[Cut to the ramp, where a wreath of pyro explodes around the EmpireTron and several bomblike, smoky explosions ripple about the entry way. The camera zooms in on the screen as the pyro finally peters out, then blurs to roving shots of the roaring crowd as a small banner in the corner briefly appears to proclaim that EPW is broadcast en Espanol.]
[We cut to the broadcast booth where Dave Thomas, Mike Neely and Dean Matthews sit.]
DT: Live from the Delta Center in Salt Lake City, Utah!!! It’s Empire Pro Wrestling’s Aggression!!! I’m your party host, Dave Thomas and alongside me as always are Dean Matthews and the ineffable Mike Neely.
MN: Your mom’s ineffable.
DT: Do you even know what ineffable means, Neely?
MN: It doesn’t sound good.
DT: Tonight’s a big show as we head into Unleashed. Later on tonight our esteemed owner Mr. Dan Ryan will have an announcement regarding the main event of that show, in addition to a huge battle royal for a spot in said main event. That and much much more, but first up tonight folks, we've got a great debut match, where we'll be seeing Lane Stone, formerly of Shoot Fighting fame, taking on Priest!
DM: Priest, of course, being booked in this match against the veteran technician after his loss with bodyguard Eizenkreuz to the Highland Park Social Club, who we'll be seeing in single's competition later tonight.
MN: This is ridiculous, you know. Priest and Eisenkreuz were cheated out of their win last week.
DT: How on Earth do you figure, Mike?
MN: C'mon, Wendy's Man! I wasn't the only one who saw the run in by Sensationally Perfect.
DT: But that happened after Priest tapped to the Smiley Face!
MN: Oh, who the hell pays attention to such technicalities, anyway...?
DM: [Clears his throat in response].
MN: Shut up, you.
["Walk" by Pantera cues up as the lights dim in the arena.]
TF: Making his Empire Pro Wrestling debut, weighing in at two-hundred and forty-five pounds, from San Diego, California... Please welcome... LANE... STOOOOOONE!
[Stone makes his way down to the ring, slapping the hands of fans along the way amidst a generous face pop for the newcomer, one most likely given in opposition to his opponent. He slides into the ring, testing the ropes a bit as he awaits Priest's arrival.]
DT: Stone, looking in prime shape for this match as he makes his way down here to show the EPW what he's made of.
MN: More like why they're wasting money on him.
DM: You know, Neely, I caught Lane's UFC try-out match a little while back, and judging by the hurting he put on his opponent, I don't think he'd take kindly to your comments.
MN: Well, that's why I'm right here, behind this fine EPW Announcing table, and not in the ring telling him to break my arm.
DT: Not a bad point, Mike. Dan Ryan certainly doesn't pay you to job out.
DM: Now THAT I'd like to see.
[Cue-up "I Am The Bullgod" by Kid Rock over the PA system as the crowd transcends from restless cheers into a heavy swarm of boo's.]
TF: And now, making his way to the ring... Weighing in at two-hundred forty-eight pounds, and accompanied by his bodyguard, Eizenkreuz... From DETROIT ROCK Ci..city..
[Tony Fatora's voice trails off in mid-sentence as he realizes, to his surprise, that though the music blares over the loudspeakers, the ebon curtain has not so much as shuffled, and Priest is nowhere to be seen. Slowly, the music dies down into silence, allowing the microphones to pick up the crowd's surprise as well. Eventually, a chant begins across the arena of "WHAT THE F**K" as the absence of Stone's opponent proves to be more than a simple delay. As the camera cuts back to the ring, the fans at home catch a glimpse of Lane Stone leaning against a turnbuckle impatiently, and we can tell that he is not impressed at all.]
DT: Priest and Eizenkreuz have missed their cue, and are no where to be seen! Maybe Priest does intend to walk out on this match, after all!
MN: And rightfully so. How dare Ryan shove a veteran of the ring like Priest into a match with this nobody!
DT: Have you ever even read the EPW worker's contract, Mike?
MN: AGAIN with the technicalities. I'm always a supporter of "sticking it to the man". WHITE P--!
DT: STOP, Mike. Just... stop.
[Very abruptly, amidst all the confusion, "I Am The Bullgod" hits the PA once again as the lights begin to dim, and Eizenkreuz is seen parting the curtain so as Priest can make his way onto the stage. Somewhat delayed by the strange happenings of the introductions, Tony once again begins the announcing.]
TF: Weighing in at two-hundred forty-eight pounds, accompanied by Eizenkreuz... from DETROIT ROCK CITY... PRRRRRRRRRRRIEST!
[Priest finally wades through the curtains and onto the stage, a microphone in hand. However, he is not even remotely prepared for the match. He wears his usual expensive blue nylon pants, and a black t-shirt with the "Priest" logo on it, an "EPW" logo on the back, and is wearing lounge slippers on his feet. The crowd roars in disapproval as the music cuts out, with Priest having barely made it to the end of the entrance ramp, Eizenkreuz in tow.]
DT: What the heck is going on with Priest tonight?
Lane Stone: [Having retrieved a microphone from a stagehand] What the hell is this?!
Priest: Well, Mr. Stone, despite my "running around like a chicken with its head cut off", I'm holding true to my statements. This "rookie" is not going to face you. As I stated before to that inconsiderate worm, Libido...[Eizenkreuz leans in for a moment, whispering into Priest's ear. Priest turns to him momentarily before continuing his rant.] Oh, who cares what the twit's name is? That isn't the point, Deutchbag! [He takes a breath before turning back to Lane, in the ring.] As I was saying... Like I told the pest who interrupted my massage, I have absolutely no intention of stepping into the ring against some cheap Ken Shamrock rub-off who decides he wants to have his first loss to an amazingly talented worker like myself.
MN [V/O]: Well said!
DT [V/O]: Oh, please.
LS: [Leaning over the top rope angrily, pointing his finger down towards the cocky Priest.] Listen here, you egomaniacal tit, I did not come all this way for some two-bit punk in Fifth Avenue work-out clothes to tell me that he's too much of a pansy to step in the ring against a real man! Now cut the pre-maddona act, you get your fancy ass in here so I can tap you out, and let's get on with the match!
P: Please, spare me. Tap to some petty grappler who thinks because he can put his little brother in a headlock he's ready to try his luck against an icon? Feh! [Priest begins laughing, and the massive Eisenkreuz follows in suit. The crowd begins to get restless, their taunting screams against Priest getting louder by the moment.] I never tap, it's just not my style. Certainly not to the likes of some pesky fly who wants to prove himself. But don't worry, my angry friend, you'll have your match. I've taken care of your opponent, because I'm a considerate man, and we can both be happy; You can prove your worth to the higher up's, and I don't risk ruining the effects of my deep tissue massage from last weekend.
DT: Priest did say that he'd have a replacement. I wonder who he has in mind, since he's made it clear that Eisenkreuz is not to step into the ring, either!
MN: He did say he had the Denver Broncos in his pocket. I bet its Middle Linebacker and former Pro-Bowl nominee Al Wilson!
DT: Have you been accepting off-the-books promotional deals again, Mike?
MN: Have you seen the recent pay cuts, Dave? You're just lucky you've got that fast food business. Some of us aren't so fortunate.
[The crowd's attention is diverted to the entrance ramp where the curtains part in a barely noticeable way as the midget wrestler Beastlet makes his way down to the ring. He dances down to the ring happily, but the crowd goes into an uproar of disapproval, and chants of "BULLSH*T" are heard throughout the arena. He enters ringside, and Eizenkreuz lifts the small man onto the ring apron, where he proceeds to climb into the ring.]
DM: What the hell is HE doing here?!
MN: Well, he's no Pro-Bowl'er, but Beastlet is certainly a worthy opponent for an opening bout.
DM: WHAT?
DT: This is a double insult! Priest has nominated a midget to face Stone, who is a highly skilled submissionist! This is going to be murder!
DM: There's no way this can be a legal match.
DT: I think it is, Dean, because there's the bell, and although Stone is in no mood to fight him, Beastlet is ready to go!
[As the bell rings, Stone is disgusted at the sheer idea of this mockery, and begins to walk to the other end of the ring to exit, throwing his hands in the air in frustration. Beastlet, however, begins to provoke him. Hopping around the ring, the tiny man begins hollering at Stone, insulting him with catcalls and egging him on to fight him. Stone momentarily turns back to Beastlet, pointing at the midget and explaining in shouts how he won't fight him, to which Beastlet replies by kicking Stone in the shin.]
DT: Beastlet is not joking around, he really wants to try his luck against Lane Stone!
MN: This is a disgusting display of sportsmanship for a guy who's trying to impress the company, Dave.
DT: What are you talking about?
MN: Refusing to fight Beastlet because of his size? This is discrimination!
DT: It's an act of mercy, Mike. Stone would kill him!
[Beastlet continues with his taunts, kicking Lane in the shins as he dances around him in circles. Though Stone persists that he refuses to fight the midget, it is clear that he's getting tired of being made a fool in his debut match. Finally, though the microphones do not pick it up, Stone reaches the final limits of his patience when Beastlet says something that clearly upsets him. Stone throws his arms wide, advancing on the small, furry man, asking if he's sure he wants to fight. Beastlet, though now backing on the defense, keeps nodding and shouting at Lane. Lane then delivers a swift kick to the head of Beastlet out of nowhere, knocking him sideways and immediately to the ground. As the crowd exclaims both surprise and joy at the attack, the camera pans to show Beastlet pick himself off the canvas, blood pouring from his forehead.]
DT: Stone has had enough, and he let Beastlet feel it!
MN: This is ridiculous! Somebody stop the match!
DM: I thought you wanted Stone to fight him, McNelly.
MN: What? He'll kill him!
DT: But you just said--
MN: He'll KILL HIM, Dave! He's a National Champion, and expert in submission! Beastlet is four feet tall!
DT: But... You know what? I'm not even going to argue this one.
[Stone is immediately on the attack, kicking the downed Beastlet as he scrambles across the ring to try and regain his composure. Stone, obviously venting his anger of the joke that his first match has become, lifts Beastlet off the ground by his singlet and performs an odd looking German suplex that promptly launches Beastlet from one end of the ring to the other, resulting in the small man recovering to his feet, and falling backwards in a daze.]
DT: Vertical Suplex by Stone, and Beastlet almost got thrown out the other side of the ring!
DM: I may be totally against this match, Dave, but Beastlet had it coming. We've seen now that Lane Stone is not a man who you want to push too far.
DT: If this is any indication on how he plans to handle matches in the future, then the rest of the EPW roster had best be cautious about stepping into the ring with him. Stone, lifting Beastlet off the mat again.. Super DDT by Stone! My God, he's going to kill him if he keeps up the power moves!
[Stone lifts the near motionless Beastlet off of the canvas yet again, following up with yet another DDT in which he wraps Beastlet's head in one arm, while keeping him suspended in the air by holding him between the legs with his other hand. Assured that he's knocked all the fight out of the midget, Stone drops to the ground beside Beastlet, wrapping an massive arm around his neck and pulling back in a grounded neck lock that threatens to tear his head off.]
DT: Stone with a vicious sleeper on Beastlet, and I'd say he finished the job with that first kick!
MN: This is murder! Someone call the ACLU!
DM: What the Hell are you--
DT: The ref has seen enough, and he's calling for the bell! This one is over, folks, and I think I speak for all of us when I say that it's about time!
[The bell rings, and Stone quickly releases the hold, standing as Tony Fatora re-enters the ring to make the announcement of the apparent winner. The camera pans and we can see a delighted Priest at ringside, laughing and clapping at the mockery that this match has become. Lane Stone, however, is obviously not amused, and has a look of murder burning in his eyes as he points to Priest, beginning to advance slowly towards the opposite side of the ring.]
DT: This one might not be over yet, folks!
MN: Oh, this is unbelievable! First he nearly decapitates a vertically challenged man, and now he's going to pick on a guy who's just trying to stay in shape? Who does this guy think he is?
DT: Priest may wish he had gone back to the dressing room early, because Stone looks like he wants the match he came out here for! Priest and Eizenkreuz, retreating hastily down the entrance ramp.. UNBELIEVABLE! Stone launches himself from the third turnbuckle into a HUGE diving spear, plowing into the backside of Priest! What a stunt!
MN: Priest is helpless under this maniac! Stone, locking in a Camel Clutch, and even Eizenkreuz can't get him off! WHERE'S THE JUSTICE?!
DT: What staying power in Lane Stone! Eisenkreuz is trying to rip Stone off of Priest, but not even the massive powerhouse can manage! The ringside bell is ringing non-stop, and Stone is trying to rip the head of Priest right off his shoulders!
DM: Here comes security, I think Freeman feels this circus act is about over.
[Ringside becomes flooded with EPW officials as Eizenkreuz and numerous backstage personnel finally rip Stone off of the downed Priest, escorting the new superstar up the ramp amidst the cheers of the crowd as two referees and Eizenkreuz tend to Priest.]
DT: What a debut from Lane Stone!
MN: I hope Ryan sends him back to the steroid farm he came out of. What a disgrace to the good name of our sport!
DM: You'd know a lot about that, wouldn't you, Mike?
MN: Oh, be quiet you--
DT: Folks, we'll be right back after this, don't you DARE touch that dial!
[Cue up a commercial for Colon Blow, now with 285% more fiber than before!]
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DT: We’re back here at the Delta Center and folks, this one is gonna be good!
MN: Sure is because Cameron Cruise is in it! And when ever he is in it that means entertainment.
DM: How about Foxx, she has been on a roll lately!
MN: Who?!
DT: Foxx…the wrestler?
DM: Wait you telling me we signed Jamie Foxx here…in EPW! I new the company was smart but a comedian like him the company is just genius.
DT: Anyway folks Cameron Cruise…
MN: YEAH! Cameron Cruise.
DT: And Mercedes Devon will take on Foxx and Promo right now!
DM: Take if over to Tony.
FATORA: The following match up is a tag team match and is scheduled for one fall!
CUE UP: "Angelwitch" by Angelwitch as Promo and Foxx walk out from the curtain. Foxx pumps her hands in the air to get the fans going the give a pop as Promo raises his hands in the as they head down to the ring.
FATORA: Introducing first the team of PROMO AND FOXX!!!!!!!!!
DT: The fans railing behind them!
MN: Oh her! You all had me confused.
CUE UP: "Headstrong" by Trapt as the crowd starts to boo a bit, Cameron Cruise comes out holding Mercedes hand and twirls her around showing her off.
FATORA: And their opponents, Cameron Cruise and Mercedes Devon!!!!
Cameron walks to the ring and hopes on the apron holding the ropes open for Mercedes. She enters and immediately slaps Foxx across the face.
SFX: DING! DING DING!
DT: And what a cheap shot from Mercedes as she shoots Foxx into the corner to Cameron Cruise who is in his tag Corner. Mercedes is now turning toward Promo and getting in his face, LOOK AT THAT! Cameron Cruise is choking Foxx in the corner!!!
MN: That’s right choke her ass out!
DM: You can expect that kind of wrestling from Cruise and Devon. And Foxx getting up and they are circling…AND A CLOTHESLINE FROM CRUISE FROM THE OUTSIDE WHILE FOXX IS CIRCLING! He nearly took off her head and referee is yelling at Cruise, and look at Mercedes choking Foxx as the ref isn’t looking.
MN: Look at her boobs jiggle as she puts the pressure on!
DT: Family show nick! And Mercedes pulling Foxx to her feet shoots her top to the ropes….BIG HIP TOSS!!!! Cover…1… and a kick out! Promo trying to get in the ring and Mercedes telling the ref to hold him back…and she slaps her hands together! Oh Come on Ref!! Open your eyes, that was clearly an illegal tag!!!
MN: Hey Promo shouldn’t have gotten in the ring! Or tried for the fact! Look at Cruise lifting Foxx to her feet…..Scoop slam and Cruise gloating because he has every right too. Look at Promo trying to get in the ring and ref holding back. Here comes Cruise over to Promo and is exchanging his piece of mind….
DM: FOXX WITH A SCHOOL BOY!!!! 1….2….. KICK OUT AND THE HOT TAG TO PROMO! Cruise is up, clothesline, he gets back up and another clothes line, third time is the charm….and he gets the third one!!! He’s telling Cruise to get up….DROPKICK TO THE FACE!
MN: NO!! Cruise Stumbling up…Promo with the sidewalk slam and he is down…Mercedes getting in the ring, Foxx getting in to….a sharp clothes line from Foxx…come on…
DT: Foxx and Promo are getting on the top ropes….Cruise and Devon slowly getting up and they leap off the turnbuckles…HIGH CROSS BODIES!!!!!!!! NO!!!!! Cruise catches Promo, Mercedes catches Foxx….BIG FALL AWAY Slam!!! And Foxx and Promo hit backs in mid air!
MN: That’s right! Don’t mess with them!
DM: And Cruise kicks the head of Promo…Mercedes going after Foxx to the outside. And Cruise lifting Promo up and a snap suplex.
MN: That’s right! Get him! Look at Promo as Cruise locks in that Camel Clutch! Working that back. Wait a second….Foxx with a forearm to the face of Mercedes she hops on the ring apron…NO!!! SRPING BOARD DROP KICK TO THE FACE OF CAMERON CRUISE!
DT: And referee is calling for order as Cameron Cruise holds his Face, Mercedes getting in her corner and Foxx doing the same as Promo lifts Cruise and tags in Foxx…Foxx grabbing Cameron. forearm to the face, he is against the ropes, Irish whip, Cruise reverses, tilt-whirls on the rebound…HURRICARNA FROM FOXX….NO!! Power Bomb and Promo stepping in the ring, Cruise pushes Foxx towards Mercedes.
MN: Promo should stop getting involved because no Mercedes is slapping the **** out of Foxx….what the hell is Foxx doing?
DM: She is fighting back!!! And a Foxx hoping on the second rope…..SHINNING WIZARD TO THE FACE OF MERCEDES!! Cruise Turning around…arm drag to Cruise…Cruise tags in Mercedes, Mercedes in…back Elbow from Foxx.
MN: NO!!!!
DT: Foxx on the top rope…..BIG MOONSAULT!!!!! 1…2…NO! Cameron Cruise kicks her in the head and Promo’s in the ring Cruise running to him, Promo grabs him…BELLY TO BELLY OVERHEAD SUPLEX TO THE OUT SIDE!!! Oh No….Cruise’s foot hit the head of the referee…Foxx getting to her feet. Promo sliding out of the ring and grabbing Cruise.
MN: YES!!! Cruise with the eye rake and he grabs a chair…
SFX:CRACK
BIG CHAIR SHOT TO THE HEAD!!!! Promo is laid out…Cruise in the ring Foxx is picking up Mercedes……
SFX: CRACK!
DT: DEAR GOD!!!!
MN: WHAT?!?!?!?
DM: Foxx dropped down and Cruise just laid out Mercedes Devon….FOXX WITH A DROP KICK TO THE FACE OF CAMERON CRUISE WHO IS HOLDING UP THAT CHAIR!!!
DT: Foxx getting on the top Rope and is measuring a knocked out Mercedes Devon………VIXEN DIVE!!!!!! 1….2….3!!
SFX: DING DING DING!
FATORA: Here are your winners Foxx and Promo!!!
DT: Big win for Foxx here tonight, guys as I’m getting word right now that a one on one match between Foxx and Cameron Cruise has been signed for Unleashed, and what a match that will be.
DM: Absolutely. Foxx has a chance to step up in the world facing a bonafide superstar in Cameron Cruise on pay-per-view.
DT: We'll be back after this.
[Cue up a commercial for Iron Chef America's new episode: Battle Soylent Green!]
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DT: Welcome back to Aggression, folks! Now, as we all know The Highland Park Social Club has been very successful since coming into Empire Pro, having little trouble making their way up the ranks of the tag division despite a diversion in the form of Ken Cloverleaf and Steven Shane. Tonight each man will take on one of their opponents at Unleashed in singles action.
DM: You’ve gotta give the edge to the Social Club in these matches tonight. Blitz is a well honed tag team machine, but in singles competition Richard Farnswirth and Chip Friendly have a wealth of experience.
DT: Let’s go up to the ring to Tony Fatora!!
TONY FATORA: The following match up is scheduled for one fall presently in the ring, CHIIIIPPPPP FRRRIIIIENNNNDDDLLLLYYYY!!!!!!!
DT: Wasting no time to get this match started!
MN: Good! That means we are closer to main event.
[CUEUP: "Links 2-3-4 " by Rammstein.as Jecht walks down to the ring jaw jacking the fans.]
TONY FATORA: And his opponent, hailing from Los Angeles California [Jecht jumps on the ring apron pointing at Chip.] He weighs three hundred forty seven pounds…..JJECCCHHTTTTTTT.
DM: He is a animal!
DT: Jecht entering the Chip in the opposite corner adjusting his knee pads. Jecht charging in for a tie up, Chip ducks under it and looks at Jecht. The speed of Chip! Jecht going for a clothesline…Chip ducks again….neckbreaker from Chip Friendly!
MN: Stupid kid! When Jecht goes to hurt you you let him and stay put for he can win! Kids these days don't know their place!
DM: Oh shut it! Chip locking in that rear chin lock, Jecht reaching back…he's got a hold of Chips head...snapmare…. AND A LARGE KICK TO THE STERNUM OF CHIP FRIENDLY!!!!
MN: Jesus Christ! He caved his chest in with that and a cover 1…2...faint kick from Chip Friendly. He better just stay down for he doesn't get hurt.
DT: Jecht a monster in the ring, he is 100% pure strength as he picks Chip Friendly…and a devastating clothesline as he lifts Chip from the canvas. And look at Jecht boasting around the ring.
DM: Jecht is almost trying to kill Chip and stomp to the chest from Jecht. Chip looks like he's out cold. Jecht lifting Chip into the air and tossing him into that turnbuckle and Jecht with a sharp clothesline while Chip is in the corner.
MN: Chip Friendly may be done. In fact he is done. Look at him, he is stumbling out….
DM: AND A LARGE BELLY TO BELLY OVERHEAD SUPLEX!! Chip looking dazed…cover by Jecht….1….2… kick out from Chip Friendly.
DT: Jecht pulling up Chip by the hair. The ref yelling at him…Jecht with a closed fist punch straight to the skull of Chip and he goes down against the ropes….Jecht now choking Chip with the ropes!!! 1…2…3….4…. Jecht lets go.
MN: That's right choke his punk ass out! That's how you win!
DM: Jecht rebounding off the ropes and a knee to the back of Chips head while he is against the ropes….and he goes back to choking him! What a cheap move!
MN: Not cheap! He is doing what he can to win. And here comes Jecht to do that running back knee to slam Chip's throat on the ropes….NO! Chip moves his head and Jecht racks himself…CHEATER!!!! CHEATER!!!!
DT: Cheater?! Jecht was choking him with the ropes! Jecht turning around dropkick to the face of Jecht and he rolls out of the ring! Look at Chip getting some energy going. Chip walking to the ropes and taunting Jecht…Jecht getting on the apron…Chip with a forearm to the face of Jecht…he hooks…..A BIG SUPLEX BACK TO THE INSIDE!!!!!!!
MN: NO! Get up Jecht! Don't let this weak fool beat you!
DM: Cover 1…2…kick out and Jecht launches Chip in the air! Up pops Jecht, kip up by Chip, and a hard shoulder tackle by Jecht and Chip Friendly is back down.
DT: Chip had some offense going here and Jecht just cut his momentum right from under him. And look at this! Jecht choking Chip with his hands…
DM: LOOK AT THE STRENGTH! JECHT LIFTING CHIP IN THE AIR FROM THAT CHOKING POSTION…. AND A LARGE SLAM BACK DOWN TO THE CANVASS!
MN: And Chip friendly is done he is dead, gone, over! Jecht just ending that punk!
DM: And Jecht putting a foot on Chip and telling the ref to count it. 1….2…a Chip gets his foot on the ropes. AND JECHT WITH A KICK TO THE LEG ON THE ROPES!
DT: CHEAP! What a cheap shot!
MN: No smart He is breaking Chip friendly pieces by piece! Watch the strength of Jecht! Just practically power lifting Chip friendly over his head in that gorilla press, look he is turning him for a BIG body slam…
DM: Chip Friendly is kicking his feet around and Jecht going to put him down…
MN: STOP KICKING YOUR FEET!!!!
DT: JECHT TOSSES HIM…NO!!!! Chip Friendly grabbing Jecht's head in mid air bouncing off the ropes with his legs in a reverse spring board method and practically did reversed DDT!! COVER HIM CHIP COVER HIM!!!!!
DM: Chip .crawling to Jecht and puts his hand on Jecht's chest. The crowd rallying behind Chip! Listen to this crowd! His hand on Jecht's chest 1…….2…….3!!!
MN: YES!!!!!!
DT: NOO!!!!!!
DM: I can't believe it, Jecht's foot just getting on that bottom rope…it just touching it! Chip lifting Jecht to his feet. Chip with jumping on Jecht's shoulders….Hurricarana! A beautiful hurricarana! And Jecht shaking his head and getting to his feet and is against the turnbuckle.
DT: Chip running to Jecht…looks like a monkey flip! NO! Jecht catches Chip and turns around….POWERBOMB INTO THE CORNER!!!! Jecht putting Chip on the top of the turnbuckle...
DM: Oh no… a fan just spit in the ring! And Jecht leaving the ring and getting in the fans face Referee separating the two…Jecht back in the ring back turned to chip…..CHIP STANDING UP ON THE TURNBUCKLE AND THE CROWD POPPING AND JECHT TRYING TO ABSORB IT!!!!
MN: TURN AROUND YOUR IDIOT!!!!!
DT: Jecht turning around…..CHIP FRIENDINGLY LEAPING OFF AND A HIGH FLYING SUNSET FLIP OFF THE TOP ROPE!!!!!!
DM: 1……2…..3!!!!!!
MN: WHAT!!!! NO!
[A LARGE POP FROM THE CROWD!]
DT: He did it!
DM: Look at Jecht's face! Oh no….Jecht sliding out of the ring….he's getting a chair!!! Someone stop him!
DT: Chip Friendly celebrating and is turning around and large chair shot from Jecht! And Chip is out!
MN: HELL YEAH! Get your revenge! And another chair shot….that's right Chip!!!!
DT: Dear God! We will be right back with more EPW!
[Cue up a commercial for Burger Sultan, where Tariq Ismail will throw a shoe at you if you don't order in 5 minutes or less.]
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DT: Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen, "Wisconsin" Bill is already in the ring awaiting his opponent. A lot is riding on this match, Bill's charge Mike Evers has a TV Title shot depending on his manager beating the champ here.
MN: This will hopefully put an end to all this nonsense. Mike Evers has no place challenging for the Television title.
[“Loose Yourself” by Emiem begins to blast as "Yours Truly" Adam Benjamin makes his way slowly to the ring, smiling very smugly.]
TF: Introducing his opponent. Weighing in at 245 pounds. He’s from the United Kingdom, and is the EPW Television Champion, “Yours Truly” Adam Benjamin!
[Adam gets into the ring and hands the belt to referee Bryan Wetherby, who looks a little confused since the title isn't on the line, but holds it up at Adam's insistence. Bryan then calls for the bell.]
DM: Well, I might as well just brace myself for the carnage here. This might be a technical display, but a terribly one-sided one.
DT: Wait, Benjamin is stopping short, not going for the first attack... he's asking Wisconsin Bill to take the first shot!
MN: What a guy! He's really being a sportsman here! We could all learn from this kind of British hospitality!
DM: Bill looks like he's not buying it... but he takes the shot! And Adam Benjamin's head snaps back!
DT: Uh-oh. He's still standing, though, and he does not look happy. And here comes the retaliation! Rapid punch after punch after punch! Bill has been pushed so far back into the corner you'd think he was plastered there!
DM: From the look on Mike's face, he's hurting from this assault almost as much as Bill is! He really wants to get in there and help!
MN: Well, don't hold your breath for it to happen, Dean. Mike knows better than to just get his man disqualified. Not only does it go against every sappy thing he believes in, he doesn't want to lose his title shot!
DT: Oh, come on, if Mike really thought Bill was in serious danger, he'd do something!
DM: He might have to do it quick, Adam just suplexed his manager right out of the corner, and he's going for the cover right here and now!
DT: One... t- no. Adam's lifted Wisconsin Bill back up. He's not done yet!
MN: Oh, this is going to be classic now!
DT: Adam's picking his opponent back up, throws him to the ropes, and takes him down with a standard hip toss. And he follows it up with a classic ground arm bar. And look at him just lean into it!
DM: This would be a wonderful "how-to" demonstration if the whole thing wasn't at the expense of someone who isn't even a fully trained wrestler! All it's turning out to be is a clinic on how to be a bully! Adam Benjamin should be ashamed of what he's doing here!
MN: Oh, please! This is compelling! A lowly David taking on a tremendous Goliath in the ring!
DM: Yeah, except this "David" has no proverbial sling to take this foe down with!
DT: Benjamin releases the hold, finally, and Wisconsin Bill is in tremendous pain! And now Adam picks him back up.... HUUUGE German Suplex into a bridge!! One... two- no, Benjamin released his grip again! What is he doing here!?
DM: This is going above and beyond merely "toying" with his opponent. He's trying to send a message to Mike Evers here!
MN: Gee, do you really think so?
DT: Now Benjamin is just having fun! He scoops Bill up, and sends him right onto his knee with a back breaker! And he still has his grip on him... POWER SLAM!!
DM: Alright, already, you've proved your point, Benjamin! Just end the match!
MN: Not even close, I'd say! Keep going!
DT: Benjamin is now setting Wisconsin Bill up on his knees... SHINING WIZARD!!!
MN: That's it, stick a fork in him, he's absolutely done.
DT: But Adam Benjamin still isn't finished! He's picking his foe up, and has him in position for a power bomb... oh, no... he's not-
DM: He is! Here comes Yours Truly 2K3!!
DT: And back down to the mat!! This is terrible! And mercifully here's the cover, and- no! Benjamin didn't even let the referee count to one that time! NOW what is he going to do!?
MN: Whatever it is, Mike Evers still won't get in the ring to do something! The sap still wants to stick to the rules!
DM: Well, he's rolling Bill onto his back, and it looks like he's applying about half a surfboard on him. Pulling Bill's arms back... OWWW!! He just stomped him right in the head, knocking Bill into next week!
MN: Benjamin was telling me about this! That's the curb stomp! What an exclamation point!
DT: Now... he's leaving the ring?! Adam Benjamin is exiting the ring, and going for a mic!
Benjamin: Get up Bill! Come on mate get up do it for Mikey!!!! All his dreams lie in your hands and you are laying there helpless. I thought you were going to get him a match at the PPV? Well Guess what Mike consider this your lucky day!
[Adam rolls back into the ring, and suddenly lays down and put the helpless arm of Bill over him as the Ref looks down confused as Adam Yells into the mic....]
Benjamin: Make the bloody count ref!!!!!
DT: And here comes the count, 1....2.....3??
TF: Ladies and gentlemen, your winner is... WISCONSON BILL!!!
DT: I... I don't get it. What is the story here?
MN: Will you be quiet so he can tell us!?
[Adam gets up and rolls Bill out of the ring. Bill falls at the feet of Evers who looks up at Benjamin while looking downward to see if Bill is ok. Adam gets his TV belt and stands on the top rope looking down at Evers!!!]
Benjamin: You see Mike….. from the moment I saw you I’ve targeted you for this little game I’m playing. Everything leading to this very point has been strategically mapped out by Yours Truly. Roll the footage please.....
Footage of "Yours Truly" Adam Benjamin watching Mike Evers vs. Mike Diamond. On the Camera we can see this footage is being filmed back on 11-26. As the match draws to a close Adam sits smiling. He then nods his head and say "He will do just fine"....
Next: Footage of "Yours Truly" Adam Benjamin sitting in his locker room at Aggression 21 as a road agent knocks and tells him his match has been changed and he will now be facing Mike Evers.. A huge smile comes across Adams face as he looks up "this is too easy, wait till I am done with this kid, by the next PPV he is going to think he is the next big thing... And all the while I am afraid of him...."
Next: Footage of "Yours Truly" Adam Benjamin after his match at Aggression 21 entering his locker room... "that should give him some false promise, stupid fans fell right into.. Cheer for the commoner..." Adam breaks into a loud laughter....
Next: Footage of Adam Benjamin and the Empire camera crew in his apartment moments after he filmed the Reflections interview.... "Oh my I should get a god darn academy award for that performance.... If that does not fill this kids head with falsehoods I do not know what will".....
Next: Footage of "Your Truly" Adam Benjamin leaving the Empire office with the contract for Benjamin vs. Bill for Evers shot at the title.... "Oh this is just too good...."
[Back to Benjamin live in the ring]
DT: You mean to tell me this was the planned the whole time?!
MN: I love it! It's genius! He played Mike Evers like a violin!
Benjamin: And the funny thing is all you stupid marks in the crowd played right into.... Yeah Mike do you think I really care if they chant your name!!!
Lets be real kid. I am "Yours Truly" Adam Benjamin and you are my little lab mouse.... Now the real pain begins Mikey Boy... There is no getting out of this reality check... You are facing a man that is above you in every level possible....
Welcome to school Mike, welcome to school..... See you at the PPV... Where I am sure Mikey will certainly not like it!!!
[Adam laughs standing on the top rope looking down at Evers as he lifts the TV title High in the air.]
DT: I cannot believe what we've just seen! We'll be back after this!
[Cue up a commercial for SNAKES ON A PLANE~!]
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SHORT FORM: Max vs. Richard Farnswirth
Richard Farnswirth took the upperhand early as Max was outwrestled by the experienced singles grappler. While Max looked to ground Farnswirth with submission wrestling, Farnswirth was able to pull free and throw Max off balance with a variety of suplexes. Max however was able to gain the upper hand, hitting Farnswirth with a backdrop driver in the middle of the ring. Unfortunately for Max, with Slambo the Clown at ringside and Max gloating to him over his imminent expected victory, he didn’t see Chip Friendly slip into the ring from the crowd and slip something to Farnswirth as he lay on the mat. As Max went to cover, Farnswirth reached up and clocked him in the face with a foreign object, and then rolled him up for the three count.
DT: The next contest is scheduled for one fall. These two men know each other very well… in fact, they met as recently as Aggression twenty-three were we saw Frankie Scott uncharacteristically nail the Sergeant with brass knuckles for the victory.
MN: Or so you say. Ladies and Gentlemen, I personally saw this match with my own two eyes, and I didn’t see the same thing as my esteemed colleague. I saw a punch that knocked the Sergeant silly.
DM: Sure you did. No matter what you saw, the fact of the matter is these two have something to prove to the other, and tonight is the night that all things become resolved.
DT: Both men are already in the ring, circling each other. They meet in the center, collar-and-elbow tie up sees the Sarge with an early advantage, muscling Scott to the turnbuckle. The referee calls for the break… and, as usual, the Sarge willingly obeys.
DM: Scott has his arms up, protecting his face, almost as if he’s expecting the Sergeant to nail him with a closed fist or something.
MN: Well, if he does… my money is on Scott taking the punch like a champ. He won’t be out cold like Sarge was, that’s for sure!
DT: They meet in the center of the ring again, the Sarge with a headlock, Frankie Scott shoots him off to the ropes, the Sarge returns, knocks Scott down on the mat. The Sarge takes off in the other direction, bounces off the ropes; Scott turns over on his stomach… Sarge leaps over… bounces off the other side of the ropes; they meet in the center… Dropkick by Frankie Scott!
DM: Scott is patting himself on the back, as he should. The elevation on that dropkick was indescribable… that’s why I always suggest you come to see one of Empire Pro’s shows live. There’s nothing like it!
DT: Frankie Scott closes in; raising the Sarge by his head… the Sarge leaps up on his feet catching Scott off guard… Samoa Drop! The Sarge drops down for the cover… One… Two… KICKOUT!
MN: Scott’s not done, not by a long shot. Unlike old glass jaw over there, he’s a real competitor.
DM: Trust me, there is nothing fake about the Sergeant as you will see as this match progresses.
MN: *yawn* Riiiiiight.
DT: The Sarge raises Scott up, sends him to the ropes, Scott bounces off, CLOTHESLINE—NO! Scott hung on to the ropes and slid outside of the ring! Very smart of him!
DM: Was it? Look at the Sergeant, he’s bouncing off the ropes on the other side, leaps through the top and middle rope and lands right on Frankie Scott!
DT: The Sarge is pounding away… as the referee begins his count. The crowd is really into this one! The Sergeant is up on his feet, glancing around, as all the flashbulbs pop. He’s really feeding off of this live audience!
DM: The Sarge lifts Scott up, OUCH! Low blow by Frankie Scott! Scott just nailed the Sergeant in the testicles with a vicious kick!
MN: The Sarge is going to NEED all these people if he hopes to survive tonight. Frankie Scott has truly stepped his game up and he’s here to win.
DT: The referee’s count is up to eight, as Scott slides the Sarge inside of the ring, beating the officials count. Scott enters methodically focusing on his prey. He raises the Sarge up… DDT CONNECTS! ONE! TWO! THR—KICKOUT!
DM: Frankie Scott is feeling like the end is near with that one. He tried to break the Sergeant’s neck with that spiked DDT.
DT: Scott headed for the top rope. He scales to the top easily without any hesitation. He leaps off! Line drive elbow connects!
DM: Scott’s not going for the cover, though. His goal is to dish out as much pain as possible, I’m assuming.
MN: It’s definitely not unjustified. I’ll tell you that!
DT: Kick to the gut, has the Sergeant doubled over. Frankie Scott bolts to the ropes, meets his opponent in the center of the ring… SWINGING NECK BREAKER! OUCH! THE AUDIENCE GRIMACED WITH THAT ONE!
DM: Scott has this weird look in his eye. One I’ve never seen before. He’s really trying to finish this thing with the Sergeant tonight!
DT: Scott raises the Sarge up… puts him in position… RUDE AWAKENING! Now he drops down for the cover… One, Two, THREE—KICKOUT BY THE SARGE!
DM: Frankie Scott is shocked! He’s mumbling something to himself as he raises the Sarge to his feet… THE SERGEANT COUNTERS WITH A SMALL PACKAGE! ONE! TWO!! THREE!! NOOOOOOOO! KICKOUT BY FRANKIE SCOTT!
DT: Scott is on his feet… he nails the Sergeant with several violent kicks to the back of the head. He glances over at the turnbuckle… wait a second… Scott heads over to the turnbuckle, and tries to untie the padding!
MN: Now we’re talking. Let’s get this thing over with already.
DT: The official steps between Scott, warning him of a disqualification. This gives the Sergeant time to heal… he’s on his feet… taps Scott on the shoulder… THE SERGEANT WAILS AWAY AT HIS OPPONENT!
MN: And, Scott, as I predicted… is still on his feet!
DM: Not anymore! Scott bounces back up quickly… POWERSLAM BY THE SERGEANT! ONE … TWO … SHOULDER UP!
DT: The Sergeant is pumped! He raises Frankie Scott up to his level and nails him with two more clenched fists before hooking him from behind. Scott is using all of his weight to prevent him from lifting but finally the Sarge is able to do so… GERMAN SUPLEX!
DM: Oh my God! He’s not done!! He’s hanging on… I know what he’s about to do… ANOTHER GERMAN SUPLEX!
DT: Both men are exhausted… The Sergeant is spent… but, he’s still hanging on for dear life, slowly making his way to his feet with Scott still clenched. Scott, on the other hand is looking for… something… he’s digging in his tights… pulls out… what is that?!? The SERGEANT WITH A THIRD GERMAN SUPLEX IN MIND HAS SCOTT IN THE AIR… FRANKIE CONNECTS WITH A CLOSED FIST WITH SOMETHING ON IT! BOTH MEN COLLAPSE TO THE MAT!
DM: Scott nails the Sergeant with brass knuckles for the second time, but somehow, the Sarge was still able to connect with that third German Suplex.
MN: What an idiot… he executes the move, and is knocked out cold. Shouldn’t it be the other way around?
DT: Scott is the first to move… he’s inching toward the Sergeants lifeless body. He drapes his arm over the Sergeant’s body… the referee doesn’t see the brass knuckles lying in the corner of the ring under the turnbuckle. He drops down for the cover! ONE! TWO!!! THREEEEE!!! NOOOOOOOOO WAAAAAAAAAAAY! NOT YET FRANKIE SCOTT! NOT YET!
DM: Scott can’t believe it… it didn’t work this time around! He’s furious! The referee is checking on the Sergeant who appears to be bleeding a little as a result of the punch with the brass knuckles. Seeing this… Scott goes over to that same turnbuckle he partially untied earlier and removes the padding!
DT: Folks, I think the end is near. Frankie Scott has the Sergeant up on his feet… he’s preparing to send him chest first into that unprotected turnbuckle. He whips him, NO! THE SARGE REVERSES! FRANKIE SCOTT GOES CHEST FIRST INTO THAT EXPOSED TURNBUCKLE! The Sarge creeps up behind him… INVERTED DDT! He covers… ONE! TWO! THREE! THE SARGE HAS—WAIT A MINUTE! THE REFEREE HAS SIGNALLED THAT THE COUNT WAS ONLY TWO! Scott got his shoulder up at the VERY last minute!
MN: Of course he did. Frankie Scott… THIS Frankie Scott is a winner.
DM: The Sarge is in search of answers. Look at the expression on his face. It’s almost as if he’s fresh out of ideas.
DT: Looking around… the Sarge notices the brass knuckles underneath the turnbuckle! He’s looking around at the audience… almost… almost if he’s asking PERMISSION?!? The crowd is cheering him on… The referee is checking on Scott on the other side of the ring, not paying attention. The Sarge picks up the brass knuckles and places them on his fist!
DM: What goes around…
DT: Frankie Scott is just now getting up on his feet. He’s a little wobbly, but ready to fight. The Sergeant lands a punch with his ‘free’ hand. Scott retaliates with a fist of his own. They trade in the center of the ring, throwing haymakers wildly… as the Sergeant swings with the hand with the brass knuckles cracking Frankie Scott directly into the jaw!
DM: Frankie Scott drops like a sack of hay!
DT: The Sergeant drops down for the cover… Scott is motionless… The referee drops down for the count… Sarge tosses the brass knuckles outside of the ring by the ref’s blind spot. ONE! TWO! THREE!!!!!
MN: CHEATER! The Sergeant is a blatant cheater!
DM: Karma is a you-know-what… and, Scott, on this night, deserved everything he received.
DT: And we have to take one more commercial break. Battle Royale... NEXT!
[Cue up a commercial for Mr. Plow. That name again? Mr. Plow.]
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DT: Well, ladies and gentlemen, this Sunday, Empire Pro Wrestling presents to you-
[Suddenly, Dave is interrupted by a burst of on-screen static, then a clip of Sylvester the Cat, of Looney Tunes fame, from the cartoon "Birds Anonymous." The scene is, he's bawling on the kitchen floor, having a complete breakdown.]
Sylvester: I can't stand it! I gotta have a bird! I'm weak! I'm weak, but I don't care! I can't help it! After all, I am a *****cat!
[And just as abruptly, static, and then back to Dave and the others]
DT: What the heck was that?
MN: Were we just bought out by Time Warner? Don't tell me Ted Turner talked them into buying a wrestling federation?
DM: Uh, let's keep going. This years Unleashed is hailing from-
[And again, the guys are interrupted by a brief burst of static, and then this time with a clip of Daffy Duck going absolutely bonkers in front of a very confused Elmer Fudd. The cartoon is "Duck! Rabbit, Duck!"]
Daffy: Shoot me again! I enjoy it! I like the smell of burnt feathers, and gunpowder, and cordite! I'M AN ELK! SHOOT ME, GO ON! IT'S ELK SEASON!!
[Yet again, static, and the even more confused announcers.]
MN: Someone is messing with us. That's the only explanation.
Voice: Testing, 1, 2, 3, am I coming in loud and unclear? Do not adjust your sets, ladies and gentlemen, there is nothing wrong with your TV, besides the fact that you have to listen to the likes of Mike Neely on a regular basis.
MN: Oh, no... it's James Irish, who else would be this bold, and so childish at the same time?!
[Static again, and then a close shot of James' face]
James Irish: So now, security is wise to my presence in EPW without any form of contract, and has taken measures to keep me out of the building. But EPW management cannot keep me off this show, just like they can't stop me from popping up at Unleashed. Oh, I'm not surprised, people always fear most that which they do not understand. And I do have a reputation for turning things up... side... down!
[The shot of James turns upside down as he says that word.]
JI: So, if EPW doesn't want me around... of course, you know, this means WAR!!
[After a very obvious tape edit, Erin Flanagan appears in the background, right-side up]
Erin: Lad... what the hell are ye doin'?
[The illusion shattered, James tumbles to the ground.]
JI: Learning that gravity works... cut to commercial, please...
[“Zero” by Smashing Pumpkins blares over the arena speakers as EPW Owner Dan Ryan steps out onto the stage….not happy. He stalks to the ring and climbs in, motioning for the music to be stopped.]
DT: We’ll we’re supposed to get an announcement on Unleashed but the boss doesn’t look pleased.
MN: I don’t know why. Everyone loves Looney Tunes.
Ryan: First thing’s first. James Irish.You want my attention? Fine, you’ve got it. Next week, Unleashed. I expect you in my office to discuss what it is exactly that you want. You find my office, come in…and we’ll chat. If I don’t see you by the end of the show, I hunt you down, beat you up in front of your woman and throw you out the front door. Simple? Good.
Now then, IrishRed.
[pop from the crowd – Ryan raises an eyebrow]
At Unleashed, your situation will be settled once and for all. You’ll come to ring, I’ll come to the ring and we’re gonna end this. You’ll either apologize for your actions, or I’ll fire you on the spot. There is no other option. One thing you’re all gonna learn – all this new talent who think they have the stroke to do whatever they want around here – is that the buck starts and ends….RIGHT HERE. Nowhere else, and with no one else.
And last but not least – I’m happy to announce the main event for Unleashed. As you all know, rumors have been flying around about the nature of the main event. So then, I’m happy to announce that at Unleashed it will be the Queen of the Ring Lindsay Troy defending against Joey Melton…..
[Loud pop]
Against Karl Brown…..
And against the winner of tonight’s battle royal….
In a four way dance, where each competitor is eliminated as they are pinned or forced to submit. Now then, if any….
[Ryan is interrupted by the chanting of monks, as the crowd simply erupts. “Figue You Out” starts up as Beast comes down the ramp to the ring, a scowl on his face, and climbs in. He calls for a microphone as Dan Ryan stares a hole in him.]
Beast: I’m sorry, but I didn’t hear my name in the lineup for that World Title match, Dan.
Ryan: [patronizingly] That’s because you’re not IN the match…MARCUS.
Beast: Well help me out here, because I thought maybe my memory was failing me but didn’t I earn a shot at the World Title at Black Dawn?
Ryan: You did.
Beast: And yet, I’m not in the match.
Ryan: That’s right.
Beast: So do you mind explaining to me how that is, that I win my title shot but don’t actually GET my title shot?
Ryan: Actually I do mind.
[Ryan turns and starts to leave the ring, so Beast puts a hand on his shoulder to stop him. Just then Ryan turns and starts talking again.]
Ryan: I changed my mind. I’d be happy to tell you why you don’t actually get your title shot. You see Marcus, as always you aren’t the sharpest knife in the drawer when it comes to situations again. Once again, you fail to cover your bases and you end up left out in the cold.
You won a shot at the title, but I decide when it happens. I never said it would be at Unleashed. I never said it would be in this decade. So then, you get no title shot this week. [Ryan leans in and tilts his head, mock sympathetically] Sorry.
Beast: [Seething] The title shot, Dan.
Ryan: Okay okay okay, Marcus. Don’t beg. [Ryan smiles.]
[Beast’s eyes narrow further.]
Ryan: I’ve got an offer. And considering I hold all the cards, I’m sure it’s one you can’t refuse. I’ll be happy to give you your title shot at Unleashed. Sound good?
[Beast doesn’t answer, he just glares at the owner. Ryan smiles and turns to pace the ring as he talks.]
Ryan: You can be in the match. I can make it a five-way dance. But on one condition……if you fail to win the EPW World Title, Marcus – you’re suspended….INDEFINITELY…
DT: WOW…
MN: Friggin’ awesome! You mean we can get rid of big loafy that easily??
Ryan: So it’s up to you. Be patient and wait for a title shot, or take it now and risk your entire EPW career. So then…what’s it gonna be.
[Beast stares at Ryan then turns and paces the ring himself before finally stopping as he faces the crowd with his back to his boss.]
Beast: Book the match, Ryan.
[Beast can’t see it, but behind him Ryan smiles broadly as Beast steps forward and through the ropes to the outside and walks up the ramp and through the curtain without looking back.]
DT: What a turn of events! When we return, the main event battle royal!!
The show came back from the break with all sixteen Battle Royal contestants in the ring. Across the ring from each other, The Highland Park Social Club members kept a wary eye on JA as he returned their stare. Foxx had her attention on Cameron Cruise as he seems to pace back and forth while glaring at her, waiting for the match to start. As the introductions were made, EPW World Heavyweight Champion Lindsay Troy came down to ringside and adopted a spot at near the timekeeper and stood, taking it all in. The bell rang, and the fighting began, some along predictable lines and others randomly, simply looking to get people out as soon as possible. Richard Farnswirth and Chip Friendly made a beeline for JA, whom they brawled with right off the bat.
Slambo the Clown was caught by Steven Shane as he tried to join his comrades. The first elimination came quickly and surprisingly as Steven Shane and Slambo struggled near the ropes and Ken Cloverleaf took the opportunity to dropkick Slambo in the side of the head while he wasn’t looking, sending him tumbling over the top rope and to the floor. Unfortunately for Steven Shane, Slambo held his grip and drug him over the top himself, eliminating both men. Shane stood unbelieving and glared up at Ken Cloverleaf, who apologized profusely but turned back to the match.
Foxx and Cameron Cruise slugged it out in one corner, though Foxx used her quickness to dodge a Cruise attack and wailed on him with vicious side kicks to the midsection. Felicia Hart tried to stay back and bide her time, but Frankie Scott caught her from behind and delivered a hard reverse DDT to the mat before an unsuccessful attempt to toss her out early. Kin Hiroshi got locked in with Ken Cloverleaf following Cloverleaf’s elimination of Slambo the Clown and Steven Shane. As Cloverleaf Irish whipped Hiroshi across the ring he ran smack into IrishRed, who shifted his weight at the last moment and hooked Hiroshi over the top rope and to the floor, eliminating him. In a match with much extra curricular activity, Frankie Scott eliminated himself after Sergeant came to the ring to get a closer look at his opponent at Unleashed.
Upon seeing The Sarge at ringside and following his loss earlier in the night, Frankie Scott climbed to the top rope and leaped out of the ring onto Sergeant, who was slapping a high five to a fan at the time, sparking a brawl that would lead security to break to two men, also eliminating Scott. During this exchange, it was Sean Stevens taking control on the other side of the ring, hitting JA and IrishRed with two belly to belly suplexes in succession. As Stevens turned from suplexing IrishRed, he saw X-ecutioner and Armando Montezuma near the ropes and delivered a hard Factor X, his hard straight kick to the side of X-ecutioner’s head sending him flying over the ropes.
Montezuma attacked Stevens and slugged him with two right hands, then slipped around to attempt a German suplex but was eliminated when Stevens flipped backward out of the suplex and landed on his feet, then clotheslined Montezuma over the top rope and to the floor. Felicia Hart was the next to go, as she foolishly climbed the top rope in an attempt to drop and axe handle on Foxx, but was caught when Foxx rushed the ropes and springboarded off the top ring rope to hit a dropkick on her while she was perched up top, sending Hart to the floor.
Our second batch of interference came when EPW World Tag Team Champions, Blitz stormed the ring area and climbed the apron near the two remaining Highland Park Social Club members. Farnswirth, busy fending off Ken Cloverleaf was ill prepared as Max grabbed him by his next and drug him over the top rope to the floor and began pounding away. Jecht joined in, double teaming Farnswirth while Leonard Johnson yelled down at him. Chip Friendly saw the commotion and turned, breaking his concentration just long enough for IrishRed to drive a hard jumping knee into his back and send him over the top to the floor, where Blitz continued to pound away at both men for a few moments before backing their way up the ramp, having made their point.
Cameron Cruise was eliminated almost simultaneously on the other side of the ring as JA and Sean Stevens teamed up to lift him up and over the top rope to the floor. Foxx found herself hitting some high octane offense, delivering a series of dropkicks and a springboard leg drop across the throat of Ken Cloverleaf and Adam Benjamin. It was Sean Stevens once again, however who ducked her last roundhouse kick attempt and caught her by the leg and around the neck and threw her over with a vicious suplex. Moments later, Foxx was Stevens’ latest victim as he tossed her over. JA and IrishRed laid into each other in a corner, trading hard lefts and rights with IrishRed getting the upper hand.
JA started to slump in the corner and IrishRed tried hard to lift him over the top but JA held tight to the top rope. Ken Cloverleaf broke up the attempt with a hard forearm to IrishRed’s back and they then began slugging away at each other. JA regained his senses and snuck up on the two of them, ramming their heads together. Using his quickness, JA slipped out of the ring onto the apron and leaped up into a springboard body press onto both men, landing all three into a huge heap in the middle of the ring.
It was then that Adam Benjamin landed the move of the night as he snuck to the top rope and dropped a high flying elbow onto JA as he lay on the mat following the body press. Sean Stevens then lifted JA up and dropped his neck across the top rope with a hotshot. With JA staggering in the ring, Stevens grabbed him by the back of the neck and ran him to the ropes, tossing him over and to the floor, leaving us with a final four of Ken Cloverleaf, IrishRed, Adam Benjamin and Sean Stevens.
The remaining four paired off as Adam Benjamin started slugging it out with Sean Stevens and Ken Cloverleaf got to their feet finally. Benjamin and Stevens fought each other tooth and nail, with Stevens taking the upperhand and hitting a uranage off of a missed roundhouse from Benjamin. Cloverleaf was ill-prepared to deal with the hard hitting brawling style of IrishRed and was quickly overcome. After slugging Cloverleaf into the corner and bringing him out with an overhead powerslam, Red pulled Cloverleaf up and threw him over the top, leaving us with only three.
As IrishRed turned to his final two competitors, he saw Benjamin drop Stevens with a hard brainbuster in the center of the ring. Benjamin motioned to the crowd and climbed the top rope, but as he leapt off he was caught by IrishRed, who flipped him over his head with a hard flipping Samoan Drop. As Stevens and Benjamin lay prone in the ring, IrishRed pulled Benjamin up and set him up for a double underhook piledriver, but struggled to get him up – Benjamin fighting it the whole way.
IrishRed finally got control and brought him up, but as he did Stevens made it up and hit a hard running straight kick, another Factor X, right into IrishRed’s jaw. The hold broken, Steven ran full steam and clotheslined IrishRed with a loud yell as he leaned against the ropes and flipped him over the top rope and down hard to the floor. Stevens turned and screamed to the crowd, getting a huge ovation and lifted Adam Benjamin to his feet. Benjamin fought back, drilling Stevens in the stomach with hard elbows and hit the ropes. Stevens dropped as Benjamin bounced off the ropes and Benjamin leaps over into the other side, coming off with a high flying forearm.
Stevens staggered back into the ropes and bounced back, with Benjamin waiting with a big backdrop but Stevens stopped in time and grabbed Benjamin in a side headlock before jumping to the middle rope and leaping out into a bulldog in the center of the ring. From there, Stevens quickly locked a ¾ facelock in and hit a devastating Inverted Facelock suplex in the middle of the ring. Stevens drug Benjamin to the corner and in moments had him up and out of the ring to win the Battle Royal and a shot at the World Title at Unleashed.
Winner: “Triple X” Sean Stevens
Ryan: What can I do for you?
Sarge: Here’s the thing. I’m new and all, but I just don’t get this. Frankie Scott hits me with a pair of knucks, takes a cheap win and you reward him with a NO DQ match. Am I missing something here? How is that fair?
Ryan: Who said I was rewarding Frankie Scott?
Sarge: Well, that’s how it looks to me.
Ryan: Maybe I’m just leveling the playing field a little bit. [Ryan looks up from his desk at Sergeant for the first time.] You know, I’m aware that you’re all into glory and honor and good boy scout deeds and all that. I know you’re not a guy who breaks the rules. So, what if you were in a match where there WERE no rules? Did you ever think of it that way?
Sarge: It’s a good point you make.
Ryan: [Nodding] Glad you like it. Now then, is there anything else?
Sarge: [Shaking his head] Nah, boss. Thanks for your time.
[The Sergeant turns and walks out, leaving Ryan looking behind him, muttering as he returns to his paperwork.]
Ryan: [Under his breath] Rookies…
[[CUE UP: "Imperial March" - Rage Against the Machine. A video montage plays, featuring smoke-wreathed images of various wrestlers, some of them leaving blurred trails as they move.
CUT TO: Beast nailing the Absolution on Adam Benjamin.
CUT TO: Karl Brown coming off the ropes with a Quebrada.
CUT TO: Steven Shane standing victorious in the ring.
CUT TO: JA delivering the Karelin Driver to Ron Artest
CUT TO: Adam Benjamin delivering a Shining Wizard to Karl Brown.
CUT TO: Joey Melton, mugging for the crowd.
CUT TO: Boogie Smallz lighting up a blunt.
CUT TO: Lindsay Troy dropkicking Beast.
CUT TO: JA and Sebastian Dodd locking up in the middle of the ring.
CUT TO: Troy Windham, mugging with the Entourage.
CUT TO: Dan Ryan sitting sedately in a chair, staring into the camera.
CUTTO: With a clash of metal, a logo slams across the screen, its edges flickering.]
[Cut to the ramp, where a wreath of pyro explodes around the EmpireTron and several bomblike, smoky explosions ripple about the entry way. The camera zooms in on the screen as the pyro finally peters out, then blurs to roving shots of the roaring crowd as a small banner in the corner briefly appears to proclaim that EPW is broadcast en Espanol.]
[We cut to the broadcast booth where Dave Thomas, Mike Neely and Dean Matthews sit.]
DT: Live from the Delta Center in Salt Lake City, Utah!!! It’s Empire Pro Wrestling’s Aggression!!! I’m your party host, Dave Thomas and alongside me as always are Dean Matthews and the ineffable Mike Neely.
MN: Your mom’s ineffable.
DT: Do you even know what ineffable means, Neely?
MN: It doesn’t sound good.
DT: Tonight’s a big show as we head into Unleashed. Later on tonight our esteemed owner Mr. Dan Ryan will have an announcement regarding the main event of that show, in addition to a huge battle royal for a spot in said main event. That and much much more, but first up tonight folks, we've got a great debut match, where we'll be seeing Lane Stone, formerly of Shoot Fighting fame, taking on Priest!
DM: Priest, of course, being booked in this match against the veteran technician after his loss with bodyguard Eizenkreuz to the Highland Park Social Club, who we'll be seeing in single's competition later tonight.
MN: This is ridiculous, you know. Priest and Eisenkreuz were cheated out of their win last week.
DT: How on Earth do you figure, Mike?
MN: C'mon, Wendy's Man! I wasn't the only one who saw the run in by Sensationally Perfect.
DT: But that happened after Priest tapped to the Smiley Face!
MN: Oh, who the hell pays attention to such technicalities, anyway...?
DM: [Clears his throat in response].
MN: Shut up, you.
["Walk" by Pantera cues up as the lights dim in the arena.]
TF: Making his Empire Pro Wrestling debut, weighing in at two-hundred and forty-five pounds, from San Diego, California... Please welcome... LANE... STOOOOOONE!
[Stone makes his way down to the ring, slapping the hands of fans along the way amidst a generous face pop for the newcomer, one most likely given in opposition to his opponent. He slides into the ring, testing the ropes a bit as he awaits Priest's arrival.]
DT: Stone, looking in prime shape for this match as he makes his way down here to show the EPW what he's made of.
MN: More like why they're wasting money on him.
DM: You know, Neely, I caught Lane's UFC try-out match a little while back, and judging by the hurting he put on his opponent, I don't think he'd take kindly to your comments.
MN: Well, that's why I'm right here, behind this fine EPW Announcing table, and not in the ring telling him to break my arm.
DT: Not a bad point, Mike. Dan Ryan certainly doesn't pay you to job out.
DM: Now THAT I'd like to see.
[Cue-up "I Am The Bullgod" by Kid Rock over the PA system as the crowd transcends from restless cheers into a heavy swarm of boo's.]
TF: And now, making his way to the ring... Weighing in at two-hundred forty-eight pounds, and accompanied by his bodyguard, Eizenkreuz... From DETROIT ROCK Ci..city..
[Tony Fatora's voice trails off in mid-sentence as he realizes, to his surprise, that though the music blares over the loudspeakers, the ebon curtain has not so much as shuffled, and Priest is nowhere to be seen. Slowly, the music dies down into silence, allowing the microphones to pick up the crowd's surprise as well. Eventually, a chant begins across the arena of "WHAT THE F**K" as the absence of Stone's opponent proves to be more than a simple delay. As the camera cuts back to the ring, the fans at home catch a glimpse of Lane Stone leaning against a turnbuckle impatiently, and we can tell that he is not impressed at all.]
DT: Priest and Eizenkreuz have missed their cue, and are no where to be seen! Maybe Priest does intend to walk out on this match, after all!
MN: And rightfully so. How dare Ryan shove a veteran of the ring like Priest into a match with this nobody!
DT: Have you ever even read the EPW worker's contract, Mike?
MN: AGAIN with the technicalities. I'm always a supporter of "sticking it to the man". WHITE P--!
DT: STOP, Mike. Just... stop.
[Very abruptly, amidst all the confusion, "I Am The Bullgod" hits the PA once again as the lights begin to dim, and Eizenkreuz is seen parting the curtain so as Priest can make his way onto the stage. Somewhat delayed by the strange happenings of the introductions, Tony once again begins the announcing.]
TF: Weighing in at two-hundred forty-eight pounds, accompanied by Eizenkreuz... from DETROIT ROCK CITY... PRRRRRRRRRRRIEST!
[Priest finally wades through the curtains and onto the stage, a microphone in hand. However, he is not even remotely prepared for the match. He wears his usual expensive blue nylon pants, and a black t-shirt with the "Priest" logo on it, an "EPW" logo on the back, and is wearing lounge slippers on his feet. The crowd roars in disapproval as the music cuts out, with Priest having barely made it to the end of the entrance ramp, Eizenkreuz in tow.]
DT: What the heck is going on with Priest tonight?
Lane Stone: [Having retrieved a microphone from a stagehand] What the hell is this?!
Priest: Well, Mr. Stone, despite my "running around like a chicken with its head cut off", I'm holding true to my statements. This "rookie" is not going to face you. As I stated before to that inconsiderate worm, Libido...[Eizenkreuz leans in for a moment, whispering into Priest's ear. Priest turns to him momentarily before continuing his rant.] Oh, who cares what the twit's name is? That isn't the point, Deutchbag! [He takes a breath before turning back to Lane, in the ring.] As I was saying... Like I told the pest who interrupted my massage, I have absolutely no intention of stepping into the ring against some cheap Ken Shamrock rub-off who decides he wants to have his first loss to an amazingly talented worker like myself.
MN [V/O]: Well said!
DT [V/O]: Oh, please.
LS: [Leaning over the top rope angrily, pointing his finger down towards the cocky Priest.] Listen here, you egomaniacal tit, I did not come all this way for some two-bit punk in Fifth Avenue work-out clothes to tell me that he's too much of a pansy to step in the ring against a real man! Now cut the pre-maddona act, you get your fancy ass in here so I can tap you out, and let's get on with the match!
P: Please, spare me. Tap to some petty grappler who thinks because he can put his little brother in a headlock he's ready to try his luck against an icon? Feh! [Priest begins laughing, and the massive Eisenkreuz follows in suit. The crowd begins to get restless, their taunting screams against Priest getting louder by the moment.] I never tap, it's just not my style. Certainly not to the likes of some pesky fly who wants to prove himself. But don't worry, my angry friend, you'll have your match. I've taken care of your opponent, because I'm a considerate man, and we can both be happy; You can prove your worth to the higher up's, and I don't risk ruining the effects of my deep tissue massage from last weekend.
DT: Priest did say that he'd have a replacement. I wonder who he has in mind, since he's made it clear that Eisenkreuz is not to step into the ring, either!
MN: He did say he had the Denver Broncos in his pocket. I bet its Middle Linebacker and former Pro-Bowl nominee Al Wilson!
DT: Have you been accepting off-the-books promotional deals again, Mike?
MN: Have you seen the recent pay cuts, Dave? You're just lucky you've got that fast food business. Some of us aren't so fortunate.
[The crowd's attention is diverted to the entrance ramp where the curtains part in a barely noticeable way as the midget wrestler Beastlet makes his way down to the ring. He dances down to the ring happily, but the crowd goes into an uproar of disapproval, and chants of "BULLSH*T" are heard throughout the arena. He enters ringside, and Eizenkreuz lifts the small man onto the ring apron, where he proceeds to climb into the ring.]
DM: What the hell is HE doing here?!
MN: Well, he's no Pro-Bowl'er, but Beastlet is certainly a worthy opponent for an opening bout.
DM: WHAT?
DT: This is a double insult! Priest has nominated a midget to face Stone, who is a highly skilled submissionist! This is going to be murder!
DM: There's no way this can be a legal match.
DT: I think it is, Dean, because there's the bell, and although Stone is in no mood to fight him, Beastlet is ready to go!
[As the bell rings, Stone is disgusted at the sheer idea of this mockery, and begins to walk to the other end of the ring to exit, throwing his hands in the air in frustration. Beastlet, however, begins to provoke him. Hopping around the ring, the tiny man begins hollering at Stone, insulting him with catcalls and egging him on to fight him. Stone momentarily turns back to Beastlet, pointing at the midget and explaining in shouts how he won't fight him, to which Beastlet replies by kicking Stone in the shin.]
DT: Beastlet is not joking around, he really wants to try his luck against Lane Stone!
MN: This is a disgusting display of sportsmanship for a guy who's trying to impress the company, Dave.
DT: What are you talking about?
MN: Refusing to fight Beastlet because of his size? This is discrimination!
DT: It's an act of mercy, Mike. Stone would kill him!
[Beastlet continues with his taunts, kicking Lane in the shins as he dances around him in circles. Though Stone persists that he refuses to fight the midget, it is clear that he's getting tired of being made a fool in his debut match. Finally, though the microphones do not pick it up, Stone reaches the final limits of his patience when Beastlet says something that clearly upsets him. Stone throws his arms wide, advancing on the small, furry man, asking if he's sure he wants to fight. Beastlet, though now backing on the defense, keeps nodding and shouting at Lane. Lane then delivers a swift kick to the head of Beastlet out of nowhere, knocking him sideways and immediately to the ground. As the crowd exclaims both surprise and joy at the attack, the camera pans to show Beastlet pick himself off the canvas, blood pouring from his forehead.]
DT: Stone has had enough, and he let Beastlet feel it!
MN: This is ridiculous! Somebody stop the match!
DM: I thought you wanted Stone to fight him, McNelly.
MN: What? He'll kill him!
DT: But you just said--
MN: He'll KILL HIM, Dave! He's a National Champion, and expert in submission! Beastlet is four feet tall!
DT: But... You know what? I'm not even going to argue this one.
[Stone is immediately on the attack, kicking the downed Beastlet as he scrambles across the ring to try and regain his composure. Stone, obviously venting his anger of the joke that his first match has become, lifts Beastlet off the ground by his singlet and performs an odd looking German suplex that promptly launches Beastlet from one end of the ring to the other, resulting in the small man recovering to his feet, and falling backwards in a daze.]
DT: Vertical Suplex by Stone, and Beastlet almost got thrown out the other side of the ring!
DM: I may be totally against this match, Dave, but Beastlet had it coming. We've seen now that Lane Stone is not a man who you want to push too far.
DT: If this is any indication on how he plans to handle matches in the future, then the rest of the EPW roster had best be cautious about stepping into the ring with him. Stone, lifting Beastlet off the mat again.. Super DDT by Stone! My God, he's going to kill him if he keeps up the power moves!
[Stone lifts the near motionless Beastlet off of the canvas yet again, following up with yet another DDT in which he wraps Beastlet's head in one arm, while keeping him suspended in the air by holding him between the legs with his other hand. Assured that he's knocked all the fight out of the midget, Stone drops to the ground beside Beastlet, wrapping an massive arm around his neck and pulling back in a grounded neck lock that threatens to tear his head off.]
DT: Stone with a vicious sleeper on Beastlet, and I'd say he finished the job with that first kick!
MN: This is murder! Someone call the ACLU!
DM: What the Hell are you--
DT: The ref has seen enough, and he's calling for the bell! This one is over, folks, and I think I speak for all of us when I say that it's about time!
[The bell rings, and Stone quickly releases the hold, standing as Tony Fatora re-enters the ring to make the announcement of the apparent winner. The camera pans and we can see a delighted Priest at ringside, laughing and clapping at the mockery that this match has become. Lane Stone, however, is obviously not amused, and has a look of murder burning in his eyes as he points to Priest, beginning to advance slowly towards the opposite side of the ring.]
DT: This one might not be over yet, folks!
MN: Oh, this is unbelievable! First he nearly decapitates a vertically challenged man, and now he's going to pick on a guy who's just trying to stay in shape? Who does this guy think he is?
DT: Priest may wish he had gone back to the dressing room early, because Stone looks like he wants the match he came out here for! Priest and Eizenkreuz, retreating hastily down the entrance ramp.. UNBELIEVABLE! Stone launches himself from the third turnbuckle into a HUGE diving spear, plowing into the backside of Priest! What a stunt!
MN: Priest is helpless under this maniac! Stone, locking in a Camel Clutch, and even Eizenkreuz can't get him off! WHERE'S THE JUSTICE?!
DT: What staying power in Lane Stone! Eisenkreuz is trying to rip Stone off of Priest, but not even the massive powerhouse can manage! The ringside bell is ringing non-stop, and Stone is trying to rip the head of Priest right off his shoulders!
DM: Here comes security, I think Freeman feels this circus act is about over.
[Ringside becomes flooded with EPW officials as Eizenkreuz and numerous backstage personnel finally rip Stone off of the downed Priest, escorting the new superstar up the ramp amidst the cheers of the crowd as two referees and Eizenkreuz tend to Priest.]
DT: What a debut from Lane Stone!
MN: I hope Ryan sends him back to the steroid farm he came out of. What a disgrace to the good name of our sport!
DM: You'd know a lot about that, wouldn't you, Mike?
MN: Oh, be quiet you--
DT: Folks, we'll be right back after this, don't you DARE touch that dial!
[Cue up a commercial for Colon Blow, now with 285% more fiber than before!]
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DT: We’re back here at the Delta Center and folks, this one is gonna be good!
MN: Sure is because Cameron Cruise is in it! And when ever he is in it that means entertainment.
DM: How about Foxx, she has been on a roll lately!
MN: Who?!
DT: Foxx…the wrestler?
DM: Wait you telling me we signed Jamie Foxx here…in EPW! I new the company was smart but a comedian like him the company is just genius.
DT: Anyway folks Cameron Cruise…
MN: YEAH! Cameron Cruise.
DT: And Mercedes Devon will take on Foxx and Promo right now!
DM: Take if over to Tony.
FATORA: The following match up is a tag team match and is scheduled for one fall!
CUE UP: "Angelwitch" by Angelwitch as Promo and Foxx walk out from the curtain. Foxx pumps her hands in the air to get the fans going the give a pop as Promo raises his hands in the as they head down to the ring.
FATORA: Introducing first the team of PROMO AND FOXX!!!!!!!!!
DT: The fans railing behind them!
MN: Oh her! You all had me confused.
CUE UP: "Headstrong" by Trapt as the crowd starts to boo a bit, Cameron Cruise comes out holding Mercedes hand and twirls her around showing her off.
FATORA: And their opponents, Cameron Cruise and Mercedes Devon!!!!
Cameron walks to the ring and hopes on the apron holding the ropes open for Mercedes. She enters and immediately slaps Foxx across the face.
SFX: DING! DING DING!
DT: And what a cheap shot from Mercedes as she shoots Foxx into the corner to Cameron Cruise who is in his tag Corner. Mercedes is now turning toward Promo and getting in his face, LOOK AT THAT! Cameron Cruise is choking Foxx in the corner!!!
MN: That’s right choke her ass out!
DM: You can expect that kind of wrestling from Cruise and Devon. And Foxx getting up and they are circling…AND A CLOTHESLINE FROM CRUISE FROM THE OUTSIDE WHILE FOXX IS CIRCLING! He nearly took off her head and referee is yelling at Cruise, and look at Mercedes choking Foxx as the ref isn’t looking.
MN: Look at her boobs jiggle as she puts the pressure on!
DT: Family show nick! And Mercedes pulling Foxx to her feet shoots her top to the ropes….BIG HIP TOSS!!!! Cover…1… and a kick out! Promo trying to get in the ring and Mercedes telling the ref to hold him back…and she slaps her hands together! Oh Come on Ref!! Open your eyes, that was clearly an illegal tag!!!
MN: Hey Promo shouldn’t have gotten in the ring! Or tried for the fact! Look at Cruise lifting Foxx to her feet…..Scoop slam and Cruise gloating because he has every right too. Look at Promo trying to get in the ring and ref holding back. Here comes Cruise over to Promo and is exchanging his piece of mind….
DM: FOXX WITH A SCHOOL BOY!!!! 1….2….. KICK OUT AND THE HOT TAG TO PROMO! Cruise is up, clothesline, he gets back up and another clothes line, third time is the charm….and he gets the third one!!! He’s telling Cruise to get up….DROPKICK TO THE FACE!
MN: NO!! Cruise Stumbling up…Promo with the sidewalk slam and he is down…Mercedes getting in the ring, Foxx getting in to….a sharp clothes line from Foxx…come on…
DT: Foxx and Promo are getting on the top ropes….Cruise and Devon slowly getting up and they leap off the turnbuckles…HIGH CROSS BODIES!!!!!!!! NO!!!!! Cruise catches Promo, Mercedes catches Foxx….BIG FALL AWAY Slam!!! And Foxx and Promo hit backs in mid air!
MN: That’s right! Don’t mess with them!
DM: And Cruise kicks the head of Promo…Mercedes going after Foxx to the outside. And Cruise lifting Promo up and a snap suplex.
MN: That’s right! Get him! Look at Promo as Cruise locks in that Camel Clutch! Working that back. Wait a second….Foxx with a forearm to the face of Mercedes she hops on the ring apron…NO!!! SRPING BOARD DROP KICK TO THE FACE OF CAMERON CRUISE!
DT: And referee is calling for order as Cameron Cruise holds his Face, Mercedes getting in her corner and Foxx doing the same as Promo lifts Cruise and tags in Foxx…Foxx grabbing Cameron. forearm to the face, he is against the ropes, Irish whip, Cruise reverses, tilt-whirls on the rebound…HURRICARNA FROM FOXX….NO!! Power Bomb and Promo stepping in the ring, Cruise pushes Foxx towards Mercedes.
MN: Promo should stop getting involved because no Mercedes is slapping the **** out of Foxx….what the hell is Foxx doing?
DM: She is fighting back!!! And a Foxx hoping on the second rope…..SHINNING WIZARD TO THE FACE OF MERCEDES!! Cruise Turning around…arm drag to Cruise…Cruise tags in Mercedes, Mercedes in…back Elbow from Foxx.
MN: NO!!!!
DT: Foxx on the top rope…..BIG MOONSAULT!!!!! 1…2…NO! Cameron Cruise kicks her in the head and Promo’s in the ring Cruise running to him, Promo grabs him…BELLY TO BELLY OVERHEAD SUPLEX TO THE OUT SIDE!!! Oh No….Cruise’s foot hit the head of the referee…Foxx getting to her feet. Promo sliding out of the ring and grabbing Cruise.
MN: YES!!! Cruise with the eye rake and he grabs a chair…
SFX:CRACK
BIG CHAIR SHOT TO THE HEAD!!!! Promo is laid out…Cruise in the ring Foxx is picking up Mercedes……
SFX: CRACK!
DT: DEAR GOD!!!!
MN: WHAT?!?!?!?
DM: Foxx dropped down and Cruise just laid out Mercedes Devon….FOXX WITH A DROP KICK TO THE FACE OF CAMERON CRUISE WHO IS HOLDING UP THAT CHAIR!!!
DT: Foxx getting on the top Rope and is measuring a knocked out Mercedes Devon………VIXEN DIVE!!!!!! 1….2….3!!
SFX: DING DING DING!
FATORA: Here are your winners Foxx and Promo!!!
DT: Big win for Foxx here tonight, guys as I’m getting word right now that a one on one match between Foxx and Cameron Cruise has been signed for Unleashed, and what a match that will be.
DM: Absolutely. Foxx has a chance to step up in the world facing a bonafide superstar in Cameron Cruise on pay-per-view.
DT: We'll be back after this.
[Cue up a commercial for Iron Chef America's new episode: Battle Soylent Green!]
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DT: Welcome back to Aggression, folks! Now, as we all know The Highland Park Social Club has been very successful since coming into Empire Pro, having little trouble making their way up the ranks of the tag division despite a diversion in the form of Ken Cloverleaf and Steven Shane. Tonight each man will take on one of their opponents at Unleashed in singles action.
DM: You’ve gotta give the edge to the Social Club in these matches tonight. Blitz is a well honed tag team machine, but in singles competition Richard Farnswirth and Chip Friendly have a wealth of experience.
DT: Let’s go up to the ring to Tony Fatora!!
TONY FATORA: The following match up is scheduled for one fall presently in the ring, CHIIIIPPPPP FRRRIIIIENNNNDDDLLLLYYYY!!!!!!!
DT: Wasting no time to get this match started!
MN: Good! That means we are closer to main event.
[CUEUP: "Links 2-3-4 " by Rammstein.as Jecht walks down to the ring jaw jacking the fans.]
TONY FATORA: And his opponent, hailing from Los Angeles California [Jecht jumps on the ring apron pointing at Chip.] He weighs three hundred forty seven pounds…..JJECCCHHTTTTTTT.
DM: He is a animal!
DT: Jecht entering the Chip in the opposite corner adjusting his knee pads. Jecht charging in for a tie up, Chip ducks under it and looks at Jecht. The speed of Chip! Jecht going for a clothesline…Chip ducks again….neckbreaker from Chip Friendly!
MN: Stupid kid! When Jecht goes to hurt you you let him and stay put for he can win! Kids these days don't know their place!
DM: Oh shut it! Chip locking in that rear chin lock, Jecht reaching back…he's got a hold of Chips head...snapmare…. AND A LARGE KICK TO THE STERNUM OF CHIP FRIENDLY!!!!
MN: Jesus Christ! He caved his chest in with that and a cover 1…2...faint kick from Chip Friendly. He better just stay down for he doesn't get hurt.
DT: Jecht a monster in the ring, he is 100% pure strength as he picks Chip Friendly…and a devastating clothesline as he lifts Chip from the canvas. And look at Jecht boasting around the ring.
DM: Jecht is almost trying to kill Chip and stomp to the chest from Jecht. Chip looks like he's out cold. Jecht lifting Chip into the air and tossing him into that turnbuckle and Jecht with a sharp clothesline while Chip is in the corner.
MN: Chip Friendly may be done. In fact he is done. Look at him, he is stumbling out….
DM: AND A LARGE BELLY TO BELLY OVERHEAD SUPLEX!! Chip looking dazed…cover by Jecht….1….2… kick out from Chip Friendly.
DT: Jecht pulling up Chip by the hair. The ref yelling at him…Jecht with a closed fist punch straight to the skull of Chip and he goes down against the ropes….Jecht now choking Chip with the ropes!!! 1…2…3….4…. Jecht lets go.
MN: That's right choke his punk ass out! That's how you win!
DM: Jecht rebounding off the ropes and a knee to the back of Chips head while he is against the ropes….and he goes back to choking him! What a cheap move!
MN: Not cheap! He is doing what he can to win. And here comes Jecht to do that running back knee to slam Chip's throat on the ropes….NO! Chip moves his head and Jecht racks himself…CHEATER!!!! CHEATER!!!!
DT: Cheater?! Jecht was choking him with the ropes! Jecht turning around dropkick to the face of Jecht and he rolls out of the ring! Look at Chip getting some energy going. Chip walking to the ropes and taunting Jecht…Jecht getting on the apron…Chip with a forearm to the face of Jecht…he hooks…..A BIG SUPLEX BACK TO THE INSIDE!!!!!!!
MN: NO! Get up Jecht! Don't let this weak fool beat you!
DM: Cover 1…2…kick out and Jecht launches Chip in the air! Up pops Jecht, kip up by Chip, and a hard shoulder tackle by Jecht and Chip Friendly is back down.
DT: Chip had some offense going here and Jecht just cut his momentum right from under him. And look at this! Jecht choking Chip with his hands…
DM: LOOK AT THE STRENGTH! JECHT LIFTING CHIP IN THE AIR FROM THAT CHOKING POSTION…. AND A LARGE SLAM BACK DOWN TO THE CANVASS!
MN: And Chip friendly is done he is dead, gone, over! Jecht just ending that punk!
DM: And Jecht putting a foot on Chip and telling the ref to count it. 1….2…a Chip gets his foot on the ropes. AND JECHT WITH A KICK TO THE LEG ON THE ROPES!
DT: CHEAP! What a cheap shot!
MN: No smart He is breaking Chip friendly pieces by piece! Watch the strength of Jecht! Just practically power lifting Chip friendly over his head in that gorilla press, look he is turning him for a BIG body slam…
DM: Chip Friendly is kicking his feet around and Jecht going to put him down…
MN: STOP KICKING YOUR FEET!!!!
DT: JECHT TOSSES HIM…NO!!!! Chip Friendly grabbing Jecht's head in mid air bouncing off the ropes with his legs in a reverse spring board method and practically did reversed DDT!! COVER HIM CHIP COVER HIM!!!!!
DM: Chip .crawling to Jecht and puts his hand on Jecht's chest. The crowd rallying behind Chip! Listen to this crowd! His hand on Jecht's chest 1…….2…….3!!!
MN: YES!!!!!!
DT: NOO!!!!!!
DM: I can't believe it, Jecht's foot just getting on that bottom rope…it just touching it! Chip lifting Jecht to his feet. Chip with jumping on Jecht's shoulders….Hurricarana! A beautiful hurricarana! And Jecht shaking his head and getting to his feet and is against the turnbuckle.
DT: Chip running to Jecht…looks like a monkey flip! NO! Jecht catches Chip and turns around….POWERBOMB INTO THE CORNER!!!! Jecht putting Chip on the top of the turnbuckle...
DM: Oh no… a fan just spit in the ring! And Jecht leaving the ring and getting in the fans face Referee separating the two…Jecht back in the ring back turned to chip…..CHIP STANDING UP ON THE TURNBUCKLE AND THE CROWD POPPING AND JECHT TRYING TO ABSORB IT!!!!
MN: TURN AROUND YOUR IDIOT!!!!!
DT: Jecht turning around…..CHIP FRIENDINGLY LEAPING OFF AND A HIGH FLYING SUNSET FLIP OFF THE TOP ROPE!!!!!!
DM: 1……2…..3!!!!!!
MN: WHAT!!!! NO!
[A LARGE POP FROM THE CROWD!]
DT: He did it!
DM: Look at Jecht's face! Oh no….Jecht sliding out of the ring….he's getting a chair!!! Someone stop him!
DT: Chip Friendly celebrating and is turning around and large chair shot from Jecht! And Chip is out!
MN: HELL YEAH! Get your revenge! And another chair shot….that's right Chip!!!!
DT: Dear God! We will be right back with more EPW!
[Cue up a commercial for Burger Sultan, where Tariq Ismail will throw a shoe at you if you don't order in 5 minutes or less.]
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DT: Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen, "Wisconsin" Bill is already in the ring awaiting his opponent. A lot is riding on this match, Bill's charge Mike Evers has a TV Title shot depending on his manager beating the champ here.
MN: This will hopefully put an end to all this nonsense. Mike Evers has no place challenging for the Television title.
[“Loose Yourself” by Emiem begins to blast as "Yours Truly" Adam Benjamin makes his way slowly to the ring, smiling very smugly.]
TF: Introducing his opponent. Weighing in at 245 pounds. He’s from the United Kingdom, and is the EPW Television Champion, “Yours Truly” Adam Benjamin!
[Adam gets into the ring and hands the belt to referee Bryan Wetherby, who looks a little confused since the title isn't on the line, but holds it up at Adam's insistence. Bryan then calls for the bell.]
DM: Well, I might as well just brace myself for the carnage here. This might be a technical display, but a terribly one-sided one.
DT: Wait, Benjamin is stopping short, not going for the first attack... he's asking Wisconsin Bill to take the first shot!
MN: What a guy! He's really being a sportsman here! We could all learn from this kind of British hospitality!
DM: Bill looks like he's not buying it... but he takes the shot! And Adam Benjamin's head snaps back!
DT: Uh-oh. He's still standing, though, and he does not look happy. And here comes the retaliation! Rapid punch after punch after punch! Bill has been pushed so far back into the corner you'd think he was plastered there!
DM: From the look on Mike's face, he's hurting from this assault almost as much as Bill is! He really wants to get in there and help!
MN: Well, don't hold your breath for it to happen, Dean. Mike knows better than to just get his man disqualified. Not only does it go against every sappy thing he believes in, he doesn't want to lose his title shot!
DT: Oh, come on, if Mike really thought Bill was in serious danger, he'd do something!
DM: He might have to do it quick, Adam just suplexed his manager right out of the corner, and he's going for the cover right here and now!
DT: One... t- no. Adam's lifted Wisconsin Bill back up. He's not done yet!
MN: Oh, this is going to be classic now!
DT: Adam's picking his opponent back up, throws him to the ropes, and takes him down with a standard hip toss. And he follows it up with a classic ground arm bar. And look at him just lean into it!
DM: This would be a wonderful "how-to" demonstration if the whole thing wasn't at the expense of someone who isn't even a fully trained wrestler! All it's turning out to be is a clinic on how to be a bully! Adam Benjamin should be ashamed of what he's doing here!
MN: Oh, please! This is compelling! A lowly David taking on a tremendous Goliath in the ring!
DM: Yeah, except this "David" has no proverbial sling to take this foe down with!
DT: Benjamin releases the hold, finally, and Wisconsin Bill is in tremendous pain! And now Adam picks him back up.... HUUUGE German Suplex into a bridge!! One... two- no, Benjamin released his grip again! What is he doing here!?
DM: This is going above and beyond merely "toying" with his opponent. He's trying to send a message to Mike Evers here!
MN: Gee, do you really think so?
DT: Now Benjamin is just having fun! He scoops Bill up, and sends him right onto his knee with a back breaker! And he still has his grip on him... POWER SLAM!!
DM: Alright, already, you've proved your point, Benjamin! Just end the match!
MN: Not even close, I'd say! Keep going!
DT: Benjamin is now setting Wisconsin Bill up on his knees... SHINING WIZARD!!!
MN: That's it, stick a fork in him, he's absolutely done.
DT: But Adam Benjamin still isn't finished! He's picking his foe up, and has him in position for a power bomb... oh, no... he's not-
DM: He is! Here comes Yours Truly 2K3!!
DT: And back down to the mat!! This is terrible! And mercifully here's the cover, and- no! Benjamin didn't even let the referee count to one that time! NOW what is he going to do!?
MN: Whatever it is, Mike Evers still won't get in the ring to do something! The sap still wants to stick to the rules!
DM: Well, he's rolling Bill onto his back, and it looks like he's applying about half a surfboard on him. Pulling Bill's arms back... OWWW!! He just stomped him right in the head, knocking Bill into next week!
MN: Benjamin was telling me about this! That's the curb stomp! What an exclamation point!
DT: Now... he's leaving the ring?! Adam Benjamin is exiting the ring, and going for a mic!
Benjamin: Get up Bill! Come on mate get up do it for Mikey!!!! All his dreams lie in your hands and you are laying there helpless. I thought you were going to get him a match at the PPV? Well Guess what Mike consider this your lucky day!
[Adam rolls back into the ring, and suddenly lays down and put the helpless arm of Bill over him as the Ref looks down confused as Adam Yells into the mic....]
Benjamin: Make the bloody count ref!!!!!
DT: And here comes the count, 1....2.....3??
TF: Ladies and gentlemen, your winner is... WISCONSON BILL!!!
DT: I... I don't get it. What is the story here?
MN: Will you be quiet so he can tell us!?
[Adam gets up and rolls Bill out of the ring. Bill falls at the feet of Evers who looks up at Benjamin while looking downward to see if Bill is ok. Adam gets his TV belt and stands on the top rope looking down at Evers!!!]
Benjamin: You see Mike….. from the moment I saw you I’ve targeted you for this little game I’m playing. Everything leading to this very point has been strategically mapped out by Yours Truly. Roll the footage please.....
Footage of "Yours Truly" Adam Benjamin watching Mike Evers vs. Mike Diamond. On the Camera we can see this footage is being filmed back on 11-26. As the match draws to a close Adam sits smiling. He then nods his head and say "He will do just fine"....
Next: Footage of "Yours Truly" Adam Benjamin sitting in his locker room at Aggression 21 as a road agent knocks and tells him his match has been changed and he will now be facing Mike Evers.. A huge smile comes across Adams face as he looks up "this is too easy, wait till I am done with this kid, by the next PPV he is going to think he is the next big thing... And all the while I am afraid of him...."
Next: Footage of "Yours Truly" Adam Benjamin after his match at Aggression 21 entering his locker room... "that should give him some false promise, stupid fans fell right into.. Cheer for the commoner..." Adam breaks into a loud laughter....
Next: Footage of Adam Benjamin and the Empire camera crew in his apartment moments after he filmed the Reflections interview.... "Oh my I should get a god darn academy award for that performance.... If that does not fill this kids head with falsehoods I do not know what will".....
Next: Footage of "Your Truly" Adam Benjamin leaving the Empire office with the contract for Benjamin vs. Bill for Evers shot at the title.... "Oh this is just too good...."
[Back to Benjamin live in the ring]
DT: You mean to tell me this was the planned the whole time?!
MN: I love it! It's genius! He played Mike Evers like a violin!
Benjamin: And the funny thing is all you stupid marks in the crowd played right into.... Yeah Mike do you think I really care if they chant your name!!!
Lets be real kid. I am "Yours Truly" Adam Benjamin and you are my little lab mouse.... Now the real pain begins Mikey Boy... There is no getting out of this reality check... You are facing a man that is above you in every level possible....
Welcome to school Mike, welcome to school..... See you at the PPV... Where I am sure Mikey will certainly not like it!!!
[Adam laughs standing on the top rope looking down at Evers as he lifts the TV title High in the air.]
DT: I cannot believe what we've just seen! We'll be back after this!
[Cue up a commercial for SNAKES ON A PLANE~!]
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SHORT FORM: Max vs. Richard Farnswirth
Richard Farnswirth took the upperhand early as Max was outwrestled by the experienced singles grappler. While Max looked to ground Farnswirth with submission wrestling, Farnswirth was able to pull free and throw Max off balance with a variety of suplexes. Max however was able to gain the upper hand, hitting Farnswirth with a backdrop driver in the middle of the ring. Unfortunately for Max, with Slambo the Clown at ringside and Max gloating to him over his imminent expected victory, he didn’t see Chip Friendly slip into the ring from the crowd and slip something to Farnswirth as he lay on the mat. As Max went to cover, Farnswirth reached up and clocked him in the face with a foreign object, and then rolled him up for the three count.
DT: The next contest is scheduled for one fall. These two men know each other very well… in fact, they met as recently as Aggression twenty-three were we saw Frankie Scott uncharacteristically nail the Sergeant with brass knuckles for the victory.
MN: Or so you say. Ladies and Gentlemen, I personally saw this match with my own two eyes, and I didn’t see the same thing as my esteemed colleague. I saw a punch that knocked the Sergeant silly.
DM: Sure you did. No matter what you saw, the fact of the matter is these two have something to prove to the other, and tonight is the night that all things become resolved.
DT: Both men are already in the ring, circling each other. They meet in the center, collar-and-elbow tie up sees the Sarge with an early advantage, muscling Scott to the turnbuckle. The referee calls for the break… and, as usual, the Sarge willingly obeys.
DM: Scott has his arms up, protecting his face, almost as if he’s expecting the Sergeant to nail him with a closed fist or something.
MN: Well, if he does… my money is on Scott taking the punch like a champ. He won’t be out cold like Sarge was, that’s for sure!
DT: They meet in the center of the ring again, the Sarge with a headlock, Frankie Scott shoots him off to the ropes, the Sarge returns, knocks Scott down on the mat. The Sarge takes off in the other direction, bounces off the ropes; Scott turns over on his stomach… Sarge leaps over… bounces off the other side of the ropes; they meet in the center… Dropkick by Frankie Scott!
DM: Scott is patting himself on the back, as he should. The elevation on that dropkick was indescribable… that’s why I always suggest you come to see one of Empire Pro’s shows live. There’s nothing like it!
DT: Frankie Scott closes in; raising the Sarge by his head… the Sarge leaps up on his feet catching Scott off guard… Samoa Drop! The Sarge drops down for the cover… One… Two… KICKOUT!
MN: Scott’s not done, not by a long shot. Unlike old glass jaw over there, he’s a real competitor.
DM: Trust me, there is nothing fake about the Sergeant as you will see as this match progresses.
MN: *yawn* Riiiiiight.
DT: The Sarge raises Scott up, sends him to the ropes, Scott bounces off, CLOTHESLINE—NO! Scott hung on to the ropes and slid outside of the ring! Very smart of him!
DM: Was it? Look at the Sergeant, he’s bouncing off the ropes on the other side, leaps through the top and middle rope and lands right on Frankie Scott!
DT: The Sarge is pounding away… as the referee begins his count. The crowd is really into this one! The Sergeant is up on his feet, glancing around, as all the flashbulbs pop. He’s really feeding off of this live audience!
DM: The Sarge lifts Scott up, OUCH! Low blow by Frankie Scott! Scott just nailed the Sergeant in the testicles with a vicious kick!
MN: The Sarge is going to NEED all these people if he hopes to survive tonight. Frankie Scott has truly stepped his game up and he’s here to win.
DT: The referee’s count is up to eight, as Scott slides the Sarge inside of the ring, beating the officials count. Scott enters methodically focusing on his prey. He raises the Sarge up… DDT CONNECTS! ONE! TWO! THR—KICKOUT!
DM: Frankie Scott is feeling like the end is near with that one. He tried to break the Sergeant’s neck with that spiked DDT.
DT: Scott headed for the top rope. He scales to the top easily without any hesitation. He leaps off! Line drive elbow connects!
DM: Scott’s not going for the cover, though. His goal is to dish out as much pain as possible, I’m assuming.
MN: It’s definitely not unjustified. I’ll tell you that!
DT: Kick to the gut, has the Sergeant doubled over. Frankie Scott bolts to the ropes, meets his opponent in the center of the ring… SWINGING NECK BREAKER! OUCH! THE AUDIENCE GRIMACED WITH THAT ONE!
DM: Scott has this weird look in his eye. One I’ve never seen before. He’s really trying to finish this thing with the Sergeant tonight!
DT: Scott raises the Sarge up… puts him in position… RUDE AWAKENING! Now he drops down for the cover… One, Two, THREE—KICKOUT BY THE SARGE!
DM: Frankie Scott is shocked! He’s mumbling something to himself as he raises the Sarge to his feet… THE SERGEANT COUNTERS WITH A SMALL PACKAGE! ONE! TWO!! THREE!! NOOOOOOOO! KICKOUT BY FRANKIE SCOTT!
DT: Scott is on his feet… he nails the Sergeant with several violent kicks to the back of the head. He glances over at the turnbuckle… wait a second… Scott heads over to the turnbuckle, and tries to untie the padding!
MN: Now we’re talking. Let’s get this thing over with already.
DT: The official steps between Scott, warning him of a disqualification. This gives the Sergeant time to heal… he’s on his feet… taps Scott on the shoulder… THE SERGEANT WAILS AWAY AT HIS OPPONENT!
MN: And, Scott, as I predicted… is still on his feet!
DM: Not anymore! Scott bounces back up quickly… POWERSLAM BY THE SERGEANT! ONE … TWO … SHOULDER UP!
DT: The Sergeant is pumped! He raises Frankie Scott up to his level and nails him with two more clenched fists before hooking him from behind. Scott is using all of his weight to prevent him from lifting but finally the Sarge is able to do so… GERMAN SUPLEX!
DM: Oh my God! He’s not done!! He’s hanging on… I know what he’s about to do… ANOTHER GERMAN SUPLEX!
DT: Both men are exhausted… The Sergeant is spent… but, he’s still hanging on for dear life, slowly making his way to his feet with Scott still clenched. Scott, on the other hand is looking for… something… he’s digging in his tights… pulls out… what is that?!? The SERGEANT WITH A THIRD GERMAN SUPLEX IN MIND HAS SCOTT IN THE AIR… FRANKIE CONNECTS WITH A CLOSED FIST WITH SOMETHING ON IT! BOTH MEN COLLAPSE TO THE MAT!
DM: Scott nails the Sergeant with brass knuckles for the second time, but somehow, the Sarge was still able to connect with that third German Suplex.
MN: What an idiot… he executes the move, and is knocked out cold. Shouldn’t it be the other way around?
DT: Scott is the first to move… he’s inching toward the Sergeants lifeless body. He drapes his arm over the Sergeant’s body… the referee doesn’t see the brass knuckles lying in the corner of the ring under the turnbuckle. He drops down for the cover! ONE! TWO!!! THREEEEE!!! NOOOOOOOOO WAAAAAAAAAAAY! NOT YET FRANKIE SCOTT! NOT YET!
DM: Scott can’t believe it… it didn’t work this time around! He’s furious! The referee is checking on the Sergeant who appears to be bleeding a little as a result of the punch with the brass knuckles. Seeing this… Scott goes over to that same turnbuckle he partially untied earlier and removes the padding!
DT: Folks, I think the end is near. Frankie Scott has the Sergeant up on his feet… he’s preparing to send him chest first into that unprotected turnbuckle. He whips him, NO! THE SARGE REVERSES! FRANKIE SCOTT GOES CHEST FIRST INTO THAT EXPOSED TURNBUCKLE! The Sarge creeps up behind him… INVERTED DDT! He covers… ONE! TWO! THREE! THE SARGE HAS—WAIT A MINUTE! THE REFEREE HAS SIGNALLED THAT THE COUNT WAS ONLY TWO! Scott got his shoulder up at the VERY last minute!
MN: Of course he did. Frankie Scott… THIS Frankie Scott is a winner.
DM: The Sarge is in search of answers. Look at the expression on his face. It’s almost as if he’s fresh out of ideas.
DT: Looking around… the Sarge notices the brass knuckles underneath the turnbuckle! He’s looking around at the audience… almost… almost if he’s asking PERMISSION?!? The crowd is cheering him on… The referee is checking on Scott on the other side of the ring, not paying attention. The Sarge picks up the brass knuckles and places them on his fist!
DM: What goes around…
DT: Frankie Scott is just now getting up on his feet. He’s a little wobbly, but ready to fight. The Sergeant lands a punch with his ‘free’ hand. Scott retaliates with a fist of his own. They trade in the center of the ring, throwing haymakers wildly… as the Sergeant swings with the hand with the brass knuckles cracking Frankie Scott directly into the jaw!
DM: Frankie Scott drops like a sack of hay!
DT: The Sergeant drops down for the cover… Scott is motionless… The referee drops down for the count… Sarge tosses the brass knuckles outside of the ring by the ref’s blind spot. ONE! TWO! THREE!!!!!
MN: CHEATER! The Sergeant is a blatant cheater!
DM: Karma is a you-know-what… and, Scott, on this night, deserved everything he received.
DT: And we have to take one more commercial break. Battle Royale... NEXT!
[Cue up a commercial for Mr. Plow. That name again? Mr. Plow.]
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DT: Well, ladies and gentlemen, this Sunday, Empire Pro Wrestling presents to you-
[Suddenly, Dave is interrupted by a burst of on-screen static, then a clip of Sylvester the Cat, of Looney Tunes fame, from the cartoon "Birds Anonymous." The scene is, he's bawling on the kitchen floor, having a complete breakdown.]
Sylvester: I can't stand it! I gotta have a bird! I'm weak! I'm weak, but I don't care! I can't help it! After all, I am a *****cat!
[And just as abruptly, static, and then back to Dave and the others]
DT: What the heck was that?
MN: Were we just bought out by Time Warner? Don't tell me Ted Turner talked them into buying a wrestling federation?
DM: Uh, let's keep going. This years Unleashed is hailing from-
[And again, the guys are interrupted by a brief burst of static, and then this time with a clip of Daffy Duck going absolutely bonkers in front of a very confused Elmer Fudd. The cartoon is "Duck! Rabbit, Duck!"]
Daffy: Shoot me again! I enjoy it! I like the smell of burnt feathers, and gunpowder, and cordite! I'M AN ELK! SHOOT ME, GO ON! IT'S ELK SEASON!!
[Yet again, static, and the even more confused announcers.]
MN: Someone is messing with us. That's the only explanation.
Voice: Testing, 1, 2, 3, am I coming in loud and unclear? Do not adjust your sets, ladies and gentlemen, there is nothing wrong with your TV, besides the fact that you have to listen to the likes of Mike Neely on a regular basis.
MN: Oh, no... it's James Irish, who else would be this bold, and so childish at the same time?!
[Static again, and then a close shot of James' face]
James Irish: So now, security is wise to my presence in EPW without any form of contract, and has taken measures to keep me out of the building. But EPW management cannot keep me off this show, just like they can't stop me from popping up at Unleashed. Oh, I'm not surprised, people always fear most that which they do not understand. And I do have a reputation for turning things up... side... down!
[The shot of James turns upside down as he says that word.]
JI: So, if EPW doesn't want me around... of course, you know, this means WAR!!
[After a very obvious tape edit, Erin Flanagan appears in the background, right-side up]
Erin: Lad... what the hell are ye doin'?
[The illusion shattered, James tumbles to the ground.]
JI: Learning that gravity works... cut to commercial, please...
[“Zero” by Smashing Pumpkins blares over the arena speakers as EPW Owner Dan Ryan steps out onto the stage….not happy. He stalks to the ring and climbs in, motioning for the music to be stopped.]
DT: We’ll we’re supposed to get an announcement on Unleashed but the boss doesn’t look pleased.
MN: I don’t know why. Everyone loves Looney Tunes.
Ryan: First thing’s first. James Irish.You want my attention? Fine, you’ve got it. Next week, Unleashed. I expect you in my office to discuss what it is exactly that you want. You find my office, come in…and we’ll chat. If I don’t see you by the end of the show, I hunt you down, beat you up in front of your woman and throw you out the front door. Simple? Good.
Now then, IrishRed.
[pop from the crowd – Ryan raises an eyebrow]
At Unleashed, your situation will be settled once and for all. You’ll come to ring, I’ll come to the ring and we’re gonna end this. You’ll either apologize for your actions, or I’ll fire you on the spot. There is no other option. One thing you’re all gonna learn – all this new talent who think they have the stroke to do whatever they want around here – is that the buck starts and ends….RIGHT HERE. Nowhere else, and with no one else.
And last but not least – I’m happy to announce the main event for Unleashed. As you all know, rumors have been flying around about the nature of the main event. So then, I’m happy to announce that at Unleashed it will be the Queen of the Ring Lindsay Troy defending against Joey Melton…..
[Loud pop]
Against Karl Brown…..
And against the winner of tonight’s battle royal….
In a four way dance, where each competitor is eliminated as they are pinned or forced to submit. Now then, if any….
[Ryan is interrupted by the chanting of monks, as the crowd simply erupts. “Figue You Out” starts up as Beast comes down the ramp to the ring, a scowl on his face, and climbs in. He calls for a microphone as Dan Ryan stares a hole in him.]
Beast: I’m sorry, but I didn’t hear my name in the lineup for that World Title match, Dan.
Ryan: [patronizingly] That’s because you’re not IN the match…MARCUS.
Beast: Well help me out here, because I thought maybe my memory was failing me but didn’t I earn a shot at the World Title at Black Dawn?
Ryan: You did.
Beast: And yet, I’m not in the match.
Ryan: That’s right.
Beast: So do you mind explaining to me how that is, that I win my title shot but don’t actually GET my title shot?
Ryan: Actually I do mind.
[Ryan turns and starts to leave the ring, so Beast puts a hand on his shoulder to stop him. Just then Ryan turns and starts talking again.]
Ryan: I changed my mind. I’d be happy to tell you why you don’t actually get your title shot. You see Marcus, as always you aren’t the sharpest knife in the drawer when it comes to situations again. Once again, you fail to cover your bases and you end up left out in the cold.
You won a shot at the title, but I decide when it happens. I never said it would be at Unleashed. I never said it would be in this decade. So then, you get no title shot this week. [Ryan leans in and tilts his head, mock sympathetically] Sorry.
Beast: [Seething] The title shot, Dan.
Ryan: Okay okay okay, Marcus. Don’t beg. [Ryan smiles.]
[Beast’s eyes narrow further.]
Ryan: I’ve got an offer. And considering I hold all the cards, I’m sure it’s one you can’t refuse. I’ll be happy to give you your title shot at Unleashed. Sound good?
[Beast doesn’t answer, he just glares at the owner. Ryan smiles and turns to pace the ring as he talks.]
Ryan: You can be in the match. I can make it a five-way dance. But on one condition……if you fail to win the EPW World Title, Marcus – you’re suspended….INDEFINITELY…
DT: WOW…
MN: Friggin’ awesome! You mean we can get rid of big loafy that easily??
Ryan: So it’s up to you. Be patient and wait for a title shot, or take it now and risk your entire EPW career. So then…what’s it gonna be.
[Beast stares at Ryan then turns and paces the ring himself before finally stopping as he faces the crowd with his back to his boss.]
Beast: Book the match, Ryan.
[Beast can’t see it, but behind him Ryan smiles broadly as Beast steps forward and through the ropes to the outside and walks up the ramp and through the curtain without looking back.]
DT: What a turn of events! When we return, the main event battle royal!!
The show came back from the break with all sixteen Battle Royal contestants in the ring. Across the ring from each other, The Highland Park Social Club members kept a wary eye on JA as he returned their stare. Foxx had her attention on Cameron Cruise as he seems to pace back and forth while glaring at her, waiting for the match to start. As the introductions were made, EPW World Heavyweight Champion Lindsay Troy came down to ringside and adopted a spot at near the timekeeper and stood, taking it all in. The bell rang, and the fighting began, some along predictable lines and others randomly, simply looking to get people out as soon as possible. Richard Farnswirth and Chip Friendly made a beeline for JA, whom they brawled with right off the bat.
Slambo the Clown was caught by Steven Shane as he tried to join his comrades. The first elimination came quickly and surprisingly as Steven Shane and Slambo struggled near the ropes and Ken Cloverleaf took the opportunity to dropkick Slambo in the side of the head while he wasn’t looking, sending him tumbling over the top rope and to the floor. Unfortunately for Steven Shane, Slambo held his grip and drug him over the top himself, eliminating both men. Shane stood unbelieving and glared up at Ken Cloverleaf, who apologized profusely but turned back to the match.
Foxx and Cameron Cruise slugged it out in one corner, though Foxx used her quickness to dodge a Cruise attack and wailed on him with vicious side kicks to the midsection. Felicia Hart tried to stay back and bide her time, but Frankie Scott caught her from behind and delivered a hard reverse DDT to the mat before an unsuccessful attempt to toss her out early. Kin Hiroshi got locked in with Ken Cloverleaf following Cloverleaf’s elimination of Slambo the Clown and Steven Shane. As Cloverleaf Irish whipped Hiroshi across the ring he ran smack into IrishRed, who shifted his weight at the last moment and hooked Hiroshi over the top rope and to the floor, eliminating him. In a match with much extra curricular activity, Frankie Scott eliminated himself after Sergeant came to the ring to get a closer look at his opponent at Unleashed.
Upon seeing The Sarge at ringside and following his loss earlier in the night, Frankie Scott climbed to the top rope and leaped out of the ring onto Sergeant, who was slapping a high five to a fan at the time, sparking a brawl that would lead security to break to two men, also eliminating Scott. During this exchange, it was Sean Stevens taking control on the other side of the ring, hitting JA and IrishRed with two belly to belly suplexes in succession. As Stevens turned from suplexing IrishRed, he saw X-ecutioner and Armando Montezuma near the ropes and delivered a hard Factor X, his hard straight kick to the side of X-ecutioner’s head sending him flying over the ropes.
Montezuma attacked Stevens and slugged him with two right hands, then slipped around to attempt a German suplex but was eliminated when Stevens flipped backward out of the suplex and landed on his feet, then clotheslined Montezuma over the top rope and to the floor. Felicia Hart was the next to go, as she foolishly climbed the top rope in an attempt to drop and axe handle on Foxx, but was caught when Foxx rushed the ropes and springboarded off the top ring rope to hit a dropkick on her while she was perched up top, sending Hart to the floor.
Our second batch of interference came when EPW World Tag Team Champions, Blitz stormed the ring area and climbed the apron near the two remaining Highland Park Social Club members. Farnswirth, busy fending off Ken Cloverleaf was ill prepared as Max grabbed him by his next and drug him over the top rope to the floor and began pounding away. Jecht joined in, double teaming Farnswirth while Leonard Johnson yelled down at him. Chip Friendly saw the commotion and turned, breaking his concentration just long enough for IrishRed to drive a hard jumping knee into his back and send him over the top to the floor, where Blitz continued to pound away at both men for a few moments before backing their way up the ramp, having made their point.
Cameron Cruise was eliminated almost simultaneously on the other side of the ring as JA and Sean Stevens teamed up to lift him up and over the top rope to the floor. Foxx found herself hitting some high octane offense, delivering a series of dropkicks and a springboard leg drop across the throat of Ken Cloverleaf and Adam Benjamin. It was Sean Stevens once again, however who ducked her last roundhouse kick attempt and caught her by the leg and around the neck and threw her over with a vicious suplex. Moments later, Foxx was Stevens’ latest victim as he tossed her over. JA and IrishRed laid into each other in a corner, trading hard lefts and rights with IrishRed getting the upper hand.
JA started to slump in the corner and IrishRed tried hard to lift him over the top but JA held tight to the top rope. Ken Cloverleaf broke up the attempt with a hard forearm to IrishRed’s back and they then began slugging away at each other. JA regained his senses and snuck up on the two of them, ramming their heads together. Using his quickness, JA slipped out of the ring onto the apron and leaped up into a springboard body press onto both men, landing all three into a huge heap in the middle of the ring.
It was then that Adam Benjamin landed the move of the night as he snuck to the top rope and dropped a high flying elbow onto JA as he lay on the mat following the body press. Sean Stevens then lifted JA up and dropped his neck across the top rope with a hotshot. With JA staggering in the ring, Stevens grabbed him by the back of the neck and ran him to the ropes, tossing him over and to the floor, leaving us with a final four of Ken Cloverleaf, IrishRed, Adam Benjamin and Sean Stevens.
The remaining four paired off as Adam Benjamin started slugging it out with Sean Stevens and Ken Cloverleaf got to their feet finally. Benjamin and Stevens fought each other tooth and nail, with Stevens taking the upperhand and hitting a uranage off of a missed roundhouse from Benjamin. Cloverleaf was ill-prepared to deal with the hard hitting brawling style of IrishRed and was quickly overcome. After slugging Cloverleaf into the corner and bringing him out with an overhead powerslam, Red pulled Cloverleaf up and threw him over the top, leaving us with only three.
As IrishRed turned to his final two competitors, he saw Benjamin drop Stevens with a hard brainbuster in the center of the ring. Benjamin motioned to the crowd and climbed the top rope, but as he leapt off he was caught by IrishRed, who flipped him over his head with a hard flipping Samoan Drop. As Stevens and Benjamin lay prone in the ring, IrishRed pulled Benjamin up and set him up for a double underhook piledriver, but struggled to get him up – Benjamin fighting it the whole way.
IrishRed finally got control and brought him up, but as he did Stevens made it up and hit a hard running straight kick, another Factor X, right into IrishRed’s jaw. The hold broken, Steven ran full steam and clotheslined IrishRed with a loud yell as he leaned against the ropes and flipped him over the top rope and down hard to the floor. Stevens turned and screamed to the crowd, getting a huge ovation and lifted Adam Benjamin to his feet. Benjamin fought back, drilling Stevens in the stomach with hard elbows and hit the ropes. Stevens dropped as Benjamin bounced off the ropes and Benjamin leaps over into the other side, coming off with a high flying forearm.
Stevens staggered back into the ropes and bounced back, with Benjamin waiting with a big backdrop but Stevens stopped in time and grabbed Benjamin in a side headlock before jumping to the middle rope and leaping out into a bulldog in the center of the ring. From there, Stevens quickly locked a ¾ facelock in and hit a devastating Inverted Facelock suplex in the middle of the ring. Stevens drug Benjamin to the corner and in moments had him up and out of the ring to win the Battle Royal and a shot at the World Title at Unleashed.
Winner: “Triple X” Sean Stevens