[FADE IN to Otaku, standing in front of a Japanese flag. He’s dressed all in white, with a link to Save the Children in the bottom right of the screen]
Otaku: Hi, this is Empire Pro Wrestling’s Otaku. Following the devastating earthquake and tsunami that hit Japan last week there are hundreds of thousands of people now homeless. This number could very well rise as aftershocks continue. Save the Children estimates 100,000 children have been displaced. I urge all fans of Empire Pro Wrestling to follow the link to the right of the screen and donate what you can. I am proud to donate my earnings from the upcoming Aggression to help the victims of this devastating natural disaster, and hope that you can give whatever you can afford. Thank you.
[The screen changes, flashing an Empire Pro Wrestling logo, as we CUT TO:
A rather bizarre room. The walls are lined with DVD cases, models, clothing rails, CDs and books, all of which are in Japanese. There are also some shuriken embedded in the wall. Passing through the room, we see outside the window a shadowy outline training on a heavy bag; his kicks are causing the bag to swing pretty well. CUT TO: Outside, a close up of the bag as it’s getting kicked. A few swift kicks follow, before the bag is allowed to swing to a halt. From behind the bag steps Otaku, dressed in an Aikido hakama and standard Gi top. He’s sweating a little and mops his brow with a towel, but he’s not breathing all that heavily]
Otaku: Hey! Sorry to train in front of the camera like that, but what with everything that’s happened I’m finding there aren’t enough hours in the day. I even had to train while rewatching the Angelic Layer dub this morning, so you know something’s up! Not just that I’m helping out at a charity event later today for the victims of the disaster in Japan, even before then I was training like crazy, I’ve just got a bit less time to myself between now and Aggression so I’ve got to cram everything I can into the hours I’m awake.
Sorry, I’m rambling again. I’m just really stoked, I really am. I mean, me and Bastard-san made it! We’re through to the next round! Sure, we weren’t facing the Maniacs, who I still have no clue about by the way, but we couldn’t prep for the Masked Violators! I wonder what they look like under those masks? They’ve either got tentacles for lips or they’re the kind of people all women everywhere, and Beau Michaels, will drool and swoon over. If they follow the rules of anime at least. But that win means me and Bastard-san are now in the second round, me and the intercontinental champion, facing the current television champion, the Dragon slayer, and Cameron Cruise.
Wow. Cameron Cruise. There’s a name that I really need to look into more. Sounds that way anyways, from what I hear he’s a big deal in tag team wrestling in Empire Pro. One of two men to have held the belts three times! I’ve been back in the States for a few weeks, so I should know more about the guy since we work in the same company, but he hasn’t had his matches redone as anime yet! Come on!
But he had some things to say about me, so I guess I should retaliate, get mad, and punch a hole in the ground the size of the Sea of Tranquillity for effect, right?
[He pauses as if focusing his chi, his breathing slow…]
Otaku: Just kidding. Which I hope you were, Cameron-without-honorific, because Bumble Boy Wonder? That almost hurt! I can’t believe you think so little of someone who hasn’t even had the chance to say hello to you! I really hoped we could be friends, share some sake, and have some great matches as time goes by. But nooo, before I even get a chance to take my coat off, you start making it look like I’ve been disrespecting you! It was Logan-dono who said those things! I’m not Logan-dono! I’m Otaku! Bit of a size difference, and I’ve got far better dress-sense (sorry, Logan-dono!). I never said I was better than you, I’ve never wrestled you! I’ve had two matches in Empire Pro Wrestling and somehow that means I think I’m better than Cameron Cruise?
Wow… just how far out of the loop am I? Is there even a loop?
Listen, Cameron. And Astros-san (who I promise I won’t compare to Astro Boy more than absolutely necessary), because I only want to say this once. I’ve got Bastard-sans back. I’m going to do everything I can to help my team win this match. I know we can do it. I saw what Bastard-san can do and I am pleased as heck that I’m not his target. The guy is more focused on his mission than Heero Yuy, and he’s got Logan-dono to guide him. But that does not mean I think we’re better than you guys. Sure, on the night I hope we are and if I’m honest I think we will be, but I watched you guys beat Dragon-no kimi and Michaels-chan. You guys are going to be a challenge and are more on the same page than if Hart-san hadn’t disappeared into the underworld.
But please, Cruise and Astros-san, don’t think that because of your experience in the United States that you’re going to win. Don’t think that because you have had success in Empire Pro Wrestling that you’re going to win. I may not have held gold in Empire Pro, I’ve only had two matches, and I know I may be seen as the weakest guy in the match, but I’ve got heart. Bastard-san has the brawn and the skills, and I’ve got the heart and desire and drive to see this thing through to the very, very end. While I can still draw breath I will not let Bastard-san and Logan-dono down. I cannot let them down if I want to do my duty as a tag team partner. This isn’t about me, it’s about the team. I mean that from my heart.
I know, sappy. Laugh all you want, but with the POWER OF YOUTH and training with uber Bushy Brow Sensei, we will triumph! Oh, yeah!
[CUT TO: A black screen with “To be continued…
CUT TO: A plain black screen which shows some strange, OTT anime action as Otaku speaks]
Voice Over: Next time, on Otaku…
Otaku: Hey, Otaku-maniacians! Next time on Speed Otaku, Bastard-san and I face our toughest challenge yet as we track down the savage Star Killer! His victims are many, and the Tokyo Police Chief has told us to leave him alone, but you know us! We will hunt him and his accomplice down and bring them to justice! NO! BASTARD-SAN, DON’T OPEN THAT…
[SFX: BOOOM!]
Otaku: Next episode of Otaku, Down to the Depths of the Ship! See you then!
[FADE OUT]