Re: Look Closer
(OPEN: The big bang... exactly how it appears in the final scene of the movie Akira. Looks like someone had a little Otaku rubbed off on him at the last show.
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“I AM... DOPESMOKER!!”
(CUE UP: “Intergalactic Prism” by the Hedons as we’re beaming through the space and time continuum at warp speed.
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(FADE: Our journey takes us to backstage at a local wrestling event. Pretty much the same set-up as last time. Our favorite reporter
KENNY LOMBARDO steps into the frame and walks up to the door with the name “DOPESMOKER” clearly printed on it this time. He gives it a couple knocks...
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Kenny Lombardo
Uh... Dopesmoker? Kenny Lombardo here... I was wondering if I could get a few comments...?
(The reply doesn’t come, but the door is open a crack, and Kenny visibly thinks to himself, “What the hell?” He opens it, and thankfully, they didn’t stuff the professional wrestling “Escape Artist” into a broom closet like last time. Inside is a small yet efficient private dressing room. The reporter enters and the cameraman follows, catching sight of all of Dopesmoker’s regular paraphernalia spread out over the counter. Only problem is... there’s no Dopesmoker.
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Kenny Lombardo
Hmm... I must have just missed him...
(Kenny makes to head out, prompting the cameraman to turn around and head back to the door. Without warning, though, it comes swinging open, revealing the wild and reddened eyes of
a STONER MADMAN standing on the other side.
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Dopesmoker
HASH-MONKEYS!!
Kenny Lombardo
HOLY CRAP!!
(A brief moment of pandemonium breaks out as the cameraman springs back and nearly topples over an equally surprised Kenny Lombardo. Through the commotion, it catches sight of Dopesmoker zipping past in an awkward somersault motion, coming to a loud and destructive landing through a folding table and pile of boxes pushed up against the wall.
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(SFX: *
CRASH!!*
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(A few seconds of silence follow as Kenny gets up and dusts himself off... then walks over to the mess that the stoner daredevil just threw himself into.
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Kenny Lombardo
Uh... Dopesmoker?
(The reporter reaches down and helps the Escape Artist back to his feet. Initially, he stumbles and looks a little dazed, but quickly comes around.
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Dopesmoker
Whoa, dude... thanks... but you should be more CAREFUL walking in and out my place like that. Ever since that whole DEA sting thing, I’ve been a little on edge. I could have just DESTROYED you without warning with a corkscrew frankensteiner, or some cool ass sh
it!
Kenny Lombardo
Oh, was that what was just happening there? It look like you just threw yourself head-first into a table...
Dopesmoker
HA! Thankfully for YOU I was able to stop myself from unleashing the cosmic FURY on you! It’s not so much physically destructive as it is MENTALLY destructive as well, you know. You have such a fragile mind as it is, K-Lomb... I dare say I’d turn your hair WHITE if you were to experience my awesomeness firsthand!
Kenny Lombardo
I’ll remember that, D-S... but let’s get into why I came here.
Dopesmoker
Right on, man... BUT FIRST!
...look closer.
Kenny Lombardo
Huh?
Dopesmoker
Look CLOSER, dude!
(Dopesmoker keeps waving his hands toward the bright green t-shirt he’s wearing beneath a crimson Japanese silk robe.
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Kenny Lombardo
It’s, uhh... it’s a Sleep t-shirt. Yeah, I get it... you like that band.
Dopesmoker
LOOK CLOSER, K-Lomb!
Kenny Lombardo
Okay, there’s... it looks like there’s an astronaut in there. Awesome. What’s the point?
Dopesmoker
F
ucked if I knew, but damn it, Kenny, get with me here and LOOK... CLOSER!!!
Kenny Lombardo
...are you high?
Dopesmoker
EXTREMELY, but that’s not important right now! THIS IS IMPORTANT, Kenny! Now
LOOK CLOSER!!
(Kenny is shaking his head as he forces himself to look even closer, now inches away from Dopesmoker’s chest.
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Kenny Lombardo
...okay, there’s a cannabis leaf on the astronauts shoulder.
(Upon noticing this, the Goat Bastard of professional wrestling suddenly breaks down in a fit of laughter, having to collapse upon the reporter just to remain standing.
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Dopesmoker
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
I KNOW! ISN’T IT AWESOME?!
Kenny Lombardo
How, uh... how tongue and cheek of them.
(Dopesmoker suddenly straightens up as if a switch went off in his head. He crosses his arms and looks ready to cut to the chase.
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Dopesmoker
Okay, EXCUSE ME, Ken... I just had to get that out there. Let’s get this rollin’...
Kenny Lombardo
Thanks. Let’s just begin by going back to Miami at the most recent Aggression, and your impressive win over the high-flying superstar, Otaku.
Dopesmoker
Oh, never mind the win, Kenny. Three measly seconds shouldn’t overshadow the mind-blowing AWESOMENESS of the entire match, bell to bell! There was no drama... no ego involved at all... just two men showing each other what they got, and the fans being the lucky witnesses to that amazing and brief meeting of two cosmic bodies. Otaku’s gotta be one of the most underrated talents I’ve seen in this sport in a long time, and he really showed me some MIND-ALTERING SH
IT back in the ring in Miami.
In the end, yes... it was the DOPESMOKER who was there in the right time and the right place. I “won” in black and white terms, but if you ask me, Kenny, there wasn’t a way either of us could really lose. It could have just as easily gone the other way. But as it was, the Cosmos was looking out for me on that night.
Kenny Lombardo
True... it really could have gone either way, and I agree that Otaku is extremely talented... but a win’s a win, right? That’s a step up in the ladder.
Dopesmoker
Right... I get the “win”, so I move up “the ladder.” I kinda feel guilty, though... cause I can’t say I wanted this. I mean, it just... HAPPENED.
Kenny Lombardo
Well, whether you wanted it or not, I guess it’s your choice as to how to deal with it. With Miami behind you now, Aggression 59 is on the horizon... and just beyond that, WRESTLEVERSE, the greatest wrestling event in sports entertainment to date! You, Dopesmoker, have the chance to follow up your victory with a great opportunity, earning a shot at the Intercontinental Champion, Michael Bastard...
(Dopesmoker’s eyebrows comically fold in Marlo Brando fashion.
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Dopesmoker
Opportunity, Kenny? Sure... but I’ve been down that road before.
Some time back, the CHRONIC COLLIZION!! had a chance to reclaim the EPW Tag Team Title from the Forsaken... but we didn’t quite get there.
Then I had the chance to claim my first real prize as a singles competitor in the EPW TV Title... but I never did quite get over the hump of “New School” Layne Winters.
Then there was just last year in Kansas City, when I took on the World Heavyweight Champion, The First, for the belt in the semifinal round of the King of the Cage tournament... unexpectedly cut short by a visit from the DEA.
Sure... some might say it hasn’t been a very impressive track record when it comes to great opportunities, like the one I have on my plate now. Some might look at it and just say I’m a Type A choke artist... just a stupid stoner with no business even stepping through the ropes.
And still, others might say I COULD have won if I’d just pushed myself a little more, or if I were just a little less content with where I am in this industry. But tell me... where are all those guys now, Kenny? Where did those belts ultimately get them? Where’s The First? Where’s Layne Winters? Where’s half of freakin’ Anthology?
Kenny Lombardo
Beats me... they all left.
Dopesmoker
Exactly, bro.
But me? I’m still here, kicking it with the best. Despite all those lost opportunities, I haven’t lost my game... and the fans haven’t lost their faith in me. Did I really need an strap of leather and gold to get to where I am? I don’t think so. I mean, if history has proven anything, opportunities come and opportunities go... but only the DOPESMOKER remains constant!
Kenny Lombardo
I suppose you have a point. Although something to consider now is that this time around, you’ll need to overcome the hot young talent taking Empire Pro by storm as of late, IMPULSE!
Dopesmoker
Yup.
Kenny Lombardo
Impulse, of course, was your lethal lottery tag partner in the last King of the Cage tournament. We all remember the dissension and inevitable collapse of that team... and now some are wondering if there might be a bit of animosity involved in this meeting.
Dopesmoker
You’re DAMN RIGHT, there is!
Kenny Lombardo
REALLY?
Dopesmoker
YUP!
Kenny Lombardo
Care to elaborate?
Dopesmoker
I could do that, Kenny... but I’d rather you let me say something to the scumbag personally.
Kenny Lombardo
Oh, uh... go right ahead.
(Kenny holds up the mic as Dopesmoker sets himself in front of the camera and looks right into it.
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Dopesmoker
Alright... LISTEN UP... ANDREW GARDELL!!
Kenny Lombardo
...wait, WHAT?!
(The Escape Artist plucks the mic out of his hand before the reporter can interject.
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Dopesmoker
Yeah, that’s right, Andy-Boy! I haven’t forgotten what happened back in Kansas City last year! I haven’t forgotten how you just let all those DEA agents WALTZ right into the cage and RUIN the World Heavyweight Title contest that could have been the crowning moment of my wrestling career!
I had a chance to see the IN-DEPTH line-up to Aggression 59... and wouldn’t you know it? Somebody scheduled YOU to act as referee for this match! But I KNOW you can’t be trusted, Gardell! Just remember... there won’t be a CAGE separating us this time around! You try to do something the f
uck me over, and I will SMOKE YOU, zebra!
(A curt nod marks the end of his rant as he hands the mic back to Kenny, who wasn’t expecting that in the least.
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Kenny Lombardo
Okay... strong words for, uh, Empire Pro ring official, Andrew Gardell. What about your opponent though?
Dopesmoker
OH, uh... who’s that again?
Kenny Lombardo
IMPULSE!! Don’t you have history with him?
Dopesmoker
Pfft... that’s news to me. I mean, yeah, we tagged a couple times... but he ended up weighing down the fast feet of the Escape Artist, and we parted ways. Simple as that. Didn’t go very far, but whatever, man.
Kenny Lombardo
Wow... I thought after the last time we spoke, there was a bit of resentment on your end, perhaps alluding that Impulse’s straight-edge approach was hurting your credibility with the fans.
Dopesmoker
Meh... well if there’s one thing I learned from doing the dance with Otaku, it’s that we’ve all got our own individual way of doings things... and I’m cool with that. Different methods creates unique results. Happened with Otaku, and I’m sure it could happen again with this new kid.
Impulse is supposed to be some kind of human professional wrestling encyclopedia. Me? I’m an innovative and insane wrestling scientist... an experimenter and extremist in the same package. What do you get when you put the two together in the ring, Kenny? Two cosmic bodies on a COLLIZION course... you can’t predict what will happen, but one thing you do know is that the explosion will be friggin’ BAD-ASS!
Kenny Lombardo
No doubt about that.
Dopesmoker
Forget about all of that King of the Cage foolishness. All that matters now is who moves on to take on that Bastard of an Intercontinental Champion.
Kenny Lombardo
So... who’s it gonna be? Will it be YOU?
Dopesmoker
Can’t say, Kenny. The Cosmos works in mysterious ways, and I submit myself to the notion that anything can happen. I live by that philosophy for a very solid reason. I mean, I could eat my vitamins, say my prayers, and try my damnedest... but it doesn’t guarantee anything, does it?
Kenny Lombardo
I guess not... but, give us some examples? What COULD happen?
Dopesmoker
Any number of possible scenarios...
In one, I strike Impulse BLIND with my amazing and breath-taking aerial assault, leaving him so dumb-founded and shattered that all he can do is flop around on the mat until I pin him and put him out of his misery.
In a different and still just as possible situation, I could walk into that ring so damn high I can barely walk straight, and he could just mop the floor with my ass until I finally tap and end it.
Or, still, the two of us could go off into some epic wrestling battle. The two of us could put on an hour-long clinic where the momentum shifts every waking moment, and we don’t let ourselves give up an inch. Then, in the final moments, one of us will make a mistake... the other will capitalize... and that will be it.
Kenny Lombardo
Hypothetically, then, what would set you over Impulse in this contest? He’s made it no secret that he is ready to capitalize on this opportunity and make a name for himself this early in his Empire Pro career. Do you really expect you’ll be able to compete against that kind of conviction?
Dopesmoker
The kid’s got drive, sure... but you know what I have, Kenny?
Kenny Lombardo
What’s that?
Dopesmoker
DARING!
Kenny Lombardo
How do you mean?
Dopesmoker
I have a different kind of drive, Kenny. I have the drive not to succeed... but to do things and think in ways that nobody else will, Kenny. I cross the lines... I hop the fences... I think outside the box. It doesn’t always seem sane or logical... but you know what? It hasn’t failed me yet.
Impulse is set in his ways, and I can respect that... but still, as we all remember, he willingly chose not follow me over that cage wall. That right there tells me that there will always be limitations in that young man’s mind. There will always been certain places he won’t be willing to go... places where I would go WILLINGLY.
He wants it... but how badly? How much is he willing to sacrifice in himself to get there?
Kenny Lombardo
Unfortunately, I can’t answer that for him, Dopesmoker... but I’m sure we’ll come to find out once the two of you enter that ring at Aggression 59. Regardless of how it shapes out, I’m sure it will be an interesting match.
Dopesmoker
Damn straight, bro! If you don’t mind, though... I gotta toke up before I go have a laugh with my girlfriend dying of cancer.
Kenny Lombardo
Uh, okay... I guess I’ll talk to you later.
(Lombardo exits the room as the camera catches a final shot of Dopesmoker snatching up his bong and getting it ready for one of its regular rituals. On this, we fade to black.
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