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AGGRESSION 59: ONE NIGHT TAG TOURNEY: TEAM Viagra vs. Masked Violators

Ford

UTA Hall of Famer and All-Around Nice Guy
Staff member
Joined
Jan 6, 2005
Messages
1,076
Points
36
Age
40
Location
Los Angeles, CA, formerly PA
Website
www.genlmnop.com
(STATIC. Interlaced with an EPW logo. A few more bursts of static before a red "Team VIAGRA" stamp is pounded on top of the EPW logo. Fade in to a local sound stage, where, of course, an EPW flag dangles in the background. Standing before us is only one half of the perennial tandem, Team VIAGRA, Tony Davis. Davis wears a long black duster along with amateur black and white ring tights. He clutches his taped fists in each palm, cracking his knuckles.)

TONY DAVIS: This, shall be my last empire. There are many like it, but this one is mine.

(The image fades as if it's a blinking iris. It returns, with High Flyer standing in front of the same EPW Flag. He wears a Sunnydale High XXXL t-shirt and cargo pants. He still wears an eye patch over one of his eyes.)

HIGH FLYER: It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live.

(The blinking iris transition back to Tony Davis. He stands stern, arms crossed over his chest.)

TONY DAVIS: ...I will learn the Empire's weaknesses, its strengths, its parts...

(Blinking Iris back to High Flyer. He is in the midst of a rousing speech.)

HIGH FLYER: ... a Republic whose flag is loved while other flags are only feared...

(Blinking iris back to Tony Davis.)

TONY DAVIS: We are the masters of our enemy. We are the saviors of the Empire.

(Blinking iris back to High Flyer.)

HIGH FLYER: Empires won by conquest have always fallen either by revolt within or defeat by a rival.

(Quick Blinking eye transition to reveal both members of Team VIAGRA, standing side by side.)

HIGH FLYER: We, are revolting against the status quo. We are set to conquer Empire Pro Wrestling, To bring about a true New Dawning. Not just a name for one of your gimmick shows, no, my plan sings of revolution. Of justice. Of chaos and anarchy and frustration and love and pain and fear. Of making the EPW's tag team division pray for a moment respite. Despite their prayers ever remaining unanswered. The future of EPW's tag team division begins and ends with your first dose of Team VIAGRA. Once your Neilson's skyrocket... you'll wonder how your ratings ever did well without your little blue pill.

TONY DAVIS: For better or worse, EPW is now our home. And we thank EPW for allowing us to just... be. You see, for years I spent my career as nothing more than a cheap comedy act. Running around selling nads to strangers, fighting cardboard cut outs of Bob Saget, traveling in time just to accidentally shoot Abraham Lincoln. You take any three nouns, shove 'em together, and I've either done a shtick about it or Family Guy has. But I've always been a consummate amateur professional wrestler. I was an All American. I was feared and respected long before I was ever loved and admired. I expect to be both here in EPW. This one night tournament EPW has set up is the perfect ground stage to launching the Neilson rocket, utilizing fuel infused with Viagra.

HIGH FLYER: Masked Violators? Haven't we faced these guys in Japan? Mexico?

TONY DAVIS: Who knows if it's the same pairing. You know better than most that masks can hide a person's true identity. The ones we face this week may not even be the same that took on the Colossal Connection.

HIGH FLYER: Which, by the by, when the hell did we time travel back to 1984?

TONY DAVIS: I dunno, but I'm planning on marking those Violators with Red and Blue paint just so they can't do the fantom twin double switch.

HIGH FLYER: I hear you. Why do you think I bought those paintball guns.

(Flyer reaches behind the EPW drape and pulls out two loaded paintball guns. He hands one to Tony.)

TONY DAVIS: Are paintball guns allowed in a wrestling match? They only sting a little.

HIGH FLYER: We'll just have to snipe 'em when they make their entrance.

(Flyer holds his gun up like a marine.)

HIGH FLYER: Boom. Head Shot.

TONY DAVIS: Go ahead, make my day.

HIGH FLYER: THIS, is my BOOMSTICK.

TONY DAVIS: Good. Bad? I'm the one with the gun.

HIGH FLYER: It is a gun for going out and making people miserable with.

TONY DAVIS: And with your one advantage taken away Violators, expect us to over take you with our ring chemistry and experience, our talent and our skills, our power and our speed.

HIGH FLYER: We aren't ten time tag team champions for nothing.

TONY DAVIS: Then, it's either the Colossal Connection or Karl Brown & Otaku in the finals, to go against Steven Shane and Stalker...

HIGH FLYER: And to say I would kick the head off anyone to get to kick the head off of Stalker is an understatement. Sorry Dragon. Otaku. I like both of you. But I'll decapitate you both to get my foot wrapped around the skull of the freak who almost ended my career. And that goes double for the Colossal Connection.

(Davis turns to Flyer in a huff. HIs voice inflection changes to that of a mockumentary reporter.)

TONY DAVIS: But Fly. How could you even fathom kicking the head off of Ivan or Olvir?

HIGH FLYER: Easy. Nut shot. Off the ropes. Locomotive to the face.

TONY DAVIS: Boy. I never thought of that!

(Flyer cheesily smiles toward the camera and wraps his arm around Tony's shoulders.)

HIGH FLYER: Stick with me kid, you'll go places.

(Tony Davis smiles, posing for the camera. Davis then pulls up his paintball gun at the waist and shoots a paintball at the camera. The paint splatters the lens with blue pant before we fade to black.)
 

Ford

UTA Hall of Famer and All-Around Nice Guy
Staff member
Joined
Jan 6, 2005
Messages
1,076
Points
36
Age
40
Location
Los Angeles, CA, formerly PA
Website
www.genlmnop.com
(STATIC. EPW LOGO. STATIC.)

V/O: This message has been bought and paid for by the Commission to Concuss Stalker.

HIGH FLYER(V/O): Famine.

(A still image of a toddler from Ethiopia, skinnier than a skeleton.)

TONY DAVIS(V/O): Disembowelment.

(A still image of a rotting corpse.)

HIGH FLYER(V/O): Stalker.

(A still image of the Undertaker, a plus sign, a douche, a plus sign, and a garbage bag.)

HIGH FLYER(V/O): Transvestite hookers.

(A shot of the Masked Violators.)

TONY DAVIS(V/O): Wait. That's not right.

(A shot of a question mark.)

HIGH FLYER(V/O): The Masked Violators.

(The correct shot for a transvestite hooker is displayed on screen.)

TONY DAVIS(V/O): Ah, there it is.

HIGH FLYER(V/O): Anime Virgin.

(A clip of a teenager watching anime on his computer.)

TEENAGER: Frak this dub, lemme see Subs baby!

TONY DAVIS(V/O): A vanilla Ice Concert.

HIGH FLYER(V/O): That's not part of the script.

TONY DAVIS(V/O): Hey, you went off kilter with that transvestite.

HIGH FLYER(V/O): I hope no one remixes this... Just say the line.

TONY DAVIS(V/O): Urgh. Fine. I dunno, a dragon eating your mother or something.

(A still drawing, made in the art style of Bret the Hitman Hart, of a faceless woman in a mother's sundress being devoured by a dragon.)

HIGH FLYER(V/O): Karl Brown and Otaku.

(A quick succession of footage: A shot of Evangelion's last scene, A quick flash of vomit, and one of Ricky the Dragon Steamboat crying.)

TONY DAVIS(V/O): And the Colossal Connection.

(Footage of a rotting pile of trash in the city dump.)

TONY DAVIS(V/O): Puppies!

(A shot of a young child playing with a puppy.

HIGH FLYER(V/O): Rainbows!

(A shot of a rainbow.)

TONY DAVIS(V/O): Team VIAGRA.

(A shot of Team VIAGRA standing in front of the EPW flag, doing their best mock impersonation of a superhero duo. Tony Davis gives the camera a thumbs up.)

TONY DAVIS: So when you go to your polling station, remember, vote VIAGRA.

(Flyer frowns.)

HIGH FLYER: This isn't an election.

TONY DAVIS: Oh...

(STATIC. CUT TO BLACK.)
 

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