In the Pot
(FADEIN...
"And here we have Randall Knox, feverishly preparing dinner for a bunch of people who came for the drinks and the Rock Band," said the faceless narrator as she focused the camera, "What's on the menu tonight, Knox?"
Well, Michele, I said, as I took the camera from her. I focused on the stove in front of me, where two pots were toiling away. The pot on the left has chili in it with little bits of tofu for the vegetarians, I continued, and the pot on the right has a mix of beef and pork for the real people.
The sound of a beer lid being popped was heard to my right, and Michele, my cousin, handed it to me.
We were in the House of Waxdoll Malice, otherwise known as Willow and Rosanne's apartment, for one of those We feel like hanging out all night and drinking a lot kinds of parties. Usually another of our friends prepares the food but he's in Los Angeles putting together the pieces of a benefit show he promotes.
"So would we be able to say that the party is being catered by a celebrity chef?" asked Michele.
I laughed. I don't think so, I said, but you can say it was catered by a celebrity type guy who can sometimes cook.
I looked down.
Two pots of chili.
Hey Cuz, I said, can I borrow this camera for a few minutes?
"Didn't you promise Cally that you wouldn't do any work tonight?" asked Michele.
Yeah, I did, I said. Is Momma still reading her tarot?
Michele turned around and looked out of the kitchen and down the long hallway. "Yeah, I think so."
Then you're not going to tell her.
Five minutes, I said. That's all I need.)
"Do you know how many different ways there are to make chili?"
"More than there are people in the world who actually make it."
Watch me spin this into relevance.
"That's how many different ways there are to be a professional wrestler, and how many different styles each of us can use to approach our craft."
(I focused the camera on the real chili.)
"There's ways that appeal to the masses, because of the wide open spectrum. Friend of mine who usually makes the chili for Waxdoll Malice parties has special seasonings that he doesn't disclose to spice his up. He also includes veal in his ground meat, which I don't because I prefer to eat adult animals. I also prefer to skip the seasonings altogether and focus on the chili peppers."
Because I don't ever want to feel like I did that day.
"Neither way is wrong, both ways can give you a spicy treat, and there are just as many people who like each one."
(And we focus on the veggie chili.)
"There's also ways that appeal to small minorities. Either they're so technical and distinct that nobody else gets them, or they're just less interesting or less exciting, or there's less possible variations."
(And, because Sean Stevens once called me a smarmy, sarcastic bastard, I focus on the kitchen sink.)
"There's also the parts that appeal to nobody. Empty cans, pepper stems, and little bits of meat that fell on the floor. Nobody wants to see this part of it, and it's always exactly the same."
"The point, Steven, is that you can call me the most boring wrestler since Lance Storm all you want. It doesn't make it true."
And because you're directly comparing me to one of the best technical wrestlers in the past fifty years, thanks for the compliment.
"And if you want anyone to agree with you when you talk about your opponents, you should at least have the courtesy of knowing who they are."
'I beat you, so I can beat you again' is one thing. 'Everyone cheered for you at the biggest show of the year so I find you boring, and every time you talk we lose fans,' is another.
"Truth be told, Steven, I think you're a lot more to the company than the guy with the better lines in your two man act. I think you're a lot more than the guy who held the door for Stalker."
"But what does it say for you and your ability to adapt - and to keep fans interested - when I accurately predicted, days ago, what your reply would be?"
There's no kettle on this stove, and the pots aren't black; that would just be too much coincidence. But you get the point.
"No personality, Steven? I said to all of the Empire's fans 'This is what Steven Shane is going to do, because he's predictable', and you went out and did exactly that."
You peel an onion, you can do a million things with it. But the outer skin always goes to the compost heap.
"Repetition works sometimes, Steven - look at Hornet in the late 80s and early 90s. All Greensboro ever had to do was put someone in the ring against him and he was the bad guy by default. Times change, however - and it's no longer enough to make it to the top of the industry on in-ring work alone. You'll always have a job when you can wrestle: the Carl Brigsbys and P. King Duks of the world need someone to work with in the opening match."
"However... being interesting when you talk is only one part of it... and if you really don't understand how titles work, I don't think any of us can help you."
"Dis is working under the incorrect assumption that success in one place equates success everywhere, mainly because Dis is a cover, meaningful only in the Empire. If Dis stepped foot into any other wrestling promotion, he would be laughed out the door and told to come back when he has a name and a face."
It's a stance I think Dan Ryan should have taken as well, but that's just me.
"Best at being second best, Steven?"
"Clever, but misplaced."
"Again, I don't blame you."
"It must be hard to get a clear view of the top when you're at the bottom of the compost heap."
FADE