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AGGRESSION 68: Dirk Dickwood Presents v. Cameron Cruise & The First (c)

The Great Eye

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(FADEIN: The First standing in front of a giant banner reading "EPW King of the Cage 2012" with a listing of the names of all the teams competing. First is in all black dress clothes, his face painted white with black marks like Kefka. The EPW World Title rests on his shoulder.)

FIRST: EPW throws out it's bait and the fools bite down hard on the hook...I'll let everyone in this tournament in on a little secret...There's only one fate for any of you...

Defeat at my hands...

I've never worn a crown in EPW, I've never been a King...Because Kings and Queens come and go...They are a passing fancy...But there is one truth that can not be escaped...

I am the Kingslayer...

This company needed somebody, anyone to defeat The Forsaken, to upend Felix Red and myself and to end our domination of the Tag Titles...And so they set out the call for any and all comers to sign up for King of the Cage...Winners got a shot at our gold...

Craig Miles and Marcus Westscott got their crowns, and their chance at us...And when that time came Craig Miles pissed himself and hid in a corner and Felix and I tore apart the so called "Beast" and put him to rest in spite of the actions of a corrupt ref...

Then I moved on from the tag ranks and I defeated the King Triple X...The supposedly unbeatable World Champion of the Empire...I got into a steel cage with the man and I made him tap out...I broke the King and took his title from him...

But in his place another King arose...And in a moment of weakness...I let that man best me...I let that King plunge this company into darkness and ruin...It was my folly, my stupidity that allowed for the Sad King to reign over the Empire...a blemish from my career that can never be removed...

But I did the only thing that I could do...I took up the mantle of Dis...I put the weight of the Empire upon my back and I returned to the ring to battle the Sad King...And I defeated him and cast him down with the other Kings I had destroyed before...

Four Kings...One Fate...

Now EPW wants another pair of Kings...It wants two more men to jump through it's hoops, to wage wars inside these steel prisons, to bleed and suffer and hurt for the glory of being called King...

Rest assured that it isn't worth it...Because the end result is having me standing over you, arm raised in victory...Your reign, no matter how long or short...Ended at my hands...

Do I want the crown? (smiles) that's a good question...It seems like it would be the best for all parties involved in this affair if I did win it, we'd be cutting out the middle man...Preventing the inevitable beating the winners of this tournament would suffer at my hands...But even if I wanted the crown there is a problem...

My partner is Cameron Cruise...

Cammy...I have no idea where your head is at...Sorry about the whole thing at Black Dawn but well...You were a means to an end...I needed to be the first three time EPW World Champion...And you got me there...I thank you for your service and I hope you enjoyed your 54 second reign as EPW World Champion...

I'll make a deal with you...You do as I say and when this is all over, you can have another go at this belt...You screw me over or do something foolish...Well, then we'll just have Black Dawn to remember...

Cause this bracket of ours is just full of people I want to talk to, to have a nice quiet chat with about our world views, the direction this company is going in, those kinds of high minded and important things...

That and I want to punch those people in the head and humiliate them.

But to get to my dear friends in the later rounds we have to get through round 1...And me and you are fighting a team known as "Dirk Dickwood Presents."

(Pauses gives the camera a stare.)

And Rich Mahogany isn't on the team...I guess Dan Ryan decided the teenage dick joke crowd needed yet another quotation marks brand hilarious team name to laugh over.

Look guys, I don't know who are or what you stand for, could be Mom, the flag and apple pie, could be violence and carnage, but most likely it's just dick jokes and tomfoolery...But the fact is the EPW RandomTron 2k12 had your name come up next to my name and that's very bad for you...Cause you're walking into the ring with the greatest champion EPW's ever known...And if Cameron Cruise has his head on right, he is a pretty tough cookie in his own right...And combined, we should run through this tournament like wildfire...And you're in our path...

Which means you get put down…You get a cup of coffee in King of the Cage and maybe a badge of participation from Lesbian Siegel and you’re on your way….Maybe you leave the Empire, find the going to tough, or maybe you take your beating like men and keep pushing forward, keep trying to make a name for yourselves, maybe you end up mattering here…That could be an inspiring story…

Either way the story begins the same way…With me and Cruise having beaten you and moving on to round two.

I’m sorry for you that it worked out this way…

But fate is cruel….

(FADEOUT)
 

Colin

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We find ourselves in the offices or Dirk Dickwood Enterprises (and Prime Minister HQ If My Idiot Son Snoops Around) and oddly enough, sitting down on a giant oak table is the man himself, “Superagent” Dirk Dickwood. Standing behind Dirk is a 6' 6” bald gentlemen, arms crossed, dead eye star with a black t-shirt that simply reads “HANK”. Dirk is leaning back in his chair, enjoying himself a cigar when he is interrupted.

*BZZZ*

Intercom: A Mr. Farthington to see you.

Dirk leans forward, scrambling for the intercom button.

Dickwood: A who?

Intercom: Mr. Farthington? He says he has an appointment.

Dirk looks over at this bald “HANK” t-shirted gentleman, who simply shrugs his shoulder.

Dickwood: That can't be true. I don't have any appointments today. I specifically calendared this as “Helga Free Cigar Party”. Tell Mr. Flopsworth that I am in meeting all day...

Suddenly the office door swings open and in march a group of vague, unspecific well built gentlemen in tight t-shirts and short shorts, holding the door wide open for another gentleman to swagger in. Said man is dressed quite foppish in nature, quaffed hair, not a single strand out of place. “HANK” begins to stalk towards all parties involved in this grand entrance but Dirk waves his protector off.

Quaffed Gent: THAT'S FARTHINGTON!

Dirk jumps out of his seat, brushes right past Farthington and begins to inspect his doorway. He notices one of the doors is half hanging off the hinges and is none too pleased.

Dickwood: You're paying for that.

Farthington dips his hand into his back pocket and produces a wad of cash. He tosses it in Dirk's general direction. Dirk scrambles to grab it all and begins to count it and Farthington

Farthington: Yah, so my dad, yah, he's like a Lord. Y'know as in the House of Lords. So I was there and I was speaking to those totes knowledgeable intern and he said to me “Hey Farvs, wanna do some wrestling?” and I was like “YAH! I love that shit! Totally in to that shit!” and then my dad, he fired the guy because he was a bloody oik because he thinks that wrestling is beneath my bloodline and I was well angry. So like, he was packing up his box, he said that he knew a guy and then he told me that you were the guy. So, hi guy!

Dirk's brows furrow in great confusion.

Dickwood: I literally have no idea what the fuck you just said. Not even a little. Nor does it explain why you just broke my bloody door. Nor does it explain these four lugs you've brought with you. Explain yourself, now!

Farthington: Calm down, calm yourself little man. Not good for your blood pressure, all that anger building in you. I know a guy who knows a guy who could totes score you something to help with that. Just go down to SoHo and ask for Bonkers Bill...

Dirk begins to rub his temple in a display of both great frustration and an urge to murder. Murdstration.

Dickwood: Can you just... just please for the love of christ stop talking

Farthington: I totes get you. All the time I get fed up of people yammering on and on and on, I was just saying the same thing to Peachy Pedro the other day and he had this amazeballs idea about...

Dickwood: STOP!

Dirk returns to gently massaging his temples as “HANK” begins to growl at Farthington's bulky-men of mystery. Farthington stops in his tracks, almost looking terrified at the enraged Dickwood.

Dickwood: Okay. I think I've managed to understand a little bit of your idiotic babbling. You want to get into the wrestling game, am I correct?

Farthington: Yah, I totes love the business... Dan Ryan, Jack Harmen, Castor Strife...

Dirk again holds up his hand to hush up Farthington.

Dickwood: Right, good, we're getting somewhere. So what brings you into the office of the finest wrestling agent and manager that is currently available for wrestlers on a budget?

Farthington: This really chill intern, he said you were the guy...

Another hush hand from Dirk.

Dickwood: Great. Whoever this intern is, he is correct. I am the guy. I am the fucking guy. Ever heard of Phil Atken?

Farthington: No.

Dirk frowns and Hank steps towards Farthington again but Dirk again holds him back.

Dickwood: Not important. Let me make this clear though, if I decide to take you on and let me assure you, I haven't yet because fucking hell do you get on my tits. If I take you on, you will listen only to me. You will follow my instructions. I am a man who understands this game on a deep, deep level. You fucking get me? I know what is best for you, you don't. Nor do these... muscular friends of yours...

Farthington: Oh those guys. (Farthington thumbs behind them.) They're my trainers. Yah, I was in the gym right, and then this guy, he walks up to me and I said to him “hey dude, I need some trainers to get into shape for the wrestling business” and he told me he knew a guy...

Dickwood: Please. Stop. Just stop. The point is, Dirk Dickwood is associated with success...

Hank snorts and Dirk stinkeyes Hank.

Dickwood: If you become part of the Dirk Dickwood brand, you will do everything I say. You fucking get me?

Farthington: I totes understand. Like one time my father, Lord Farthington was meeting up with this bunch of “City” types and he was saying to me, “C-worth”... because that's what people call me... that or C-Money... I like C-Worth though... makes me feel like a member of the cool rapping posse...

Dickwood: JESUS CHRIST! You are quite the irritating little shit, aren't you?

Farthington giggles to himself.

Farthington: Fancy Frank was saying that just the other day down the social club. Let me tell you Fancy Frank and me, we go way...

Dickwood: Please, I don't want to hear any more about your alliterative friends. So, before we do business, here is how much my services cost...

Dickwood scribbles down a number on a notepad near his desk, balls it up and tosses it towards Farthington. Farthington unballs the paper and studies the number held within.

Dickwood: Now I know what you're thinking, “I can't afford this” and you know, you'd probably be right but keep in mind, this isn't any old schmuck you're hiring here. This is Dirk Dickwood and everything that entails...

Farthington: Oh yah, this is no problemo. Where do I sign?

Dirk bugs eyes at the quick reaction from Farthington.

Dickwood: Holy shit! Really?

Farthington: Well you are the guy aren't you?

Dickwood: Yes, yes, I am the guy.

Dirk jumps back behind his desk and begins madly clicking around on his computer.

Dickwood: Let's see what we can find for you... hmmm... no, they wouldn't want you... oh, they could... oh they're looking for females only at the moment, do you do a drag act at all... no wait, never mind. Holy shit! When did they shut down? Someone should've really updated this information... Ah! Perfect! How do you feel about being a tag act?

Farthington: Well I'm sure one of these rude dudes would totes be up for it...

Dirk waves off Farthington's muscular aides.

Dickwood: Nonsense. I'm Dirk Dickwood. I give my clients only the best. ONLY THE BEST. You fucking understanding this? You ain't teaming with any of those roided lugs. You... I'm going to give you my personal Chief of Security... you are going to EPW and you are going with me and Hank over here and you know what? We're going to win! I WILL BE KING DIRKWOOD!

Farthington: Cool! Me and you Hankskie! Me and you!

Farthington slaps Hank's chest, Hank responds by growling at Farthington.

Farthington: What's his deal? Nevermind! EPW will be amazeballs... but Dirk, what's EPW?
 

TSiegel

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"Ya know...this ALMOST didn't happen for me."

(Fadein, Cameron Cruise in front of an EPW 2012 King of the Cage Tournament, dressed in black slacks, a white undershirt with a black sports coat, his trademark matching "Anarchy"-style shades, facing AWAY from the camera, looking at the event title.)

CRUISE: Coming out of the 2011 King of the Cage, I had not only the most erratic way of making it to the Finals, but no one expected me to make it out of the First Round either.

Paired up with a man that STOLE from me...with the help of other men just as bad as he was at proving their worth as a man who I was just informed would be my partner for THIS YEARS' tournament, The First.

But as willing as I was to go at it alone, Dan Ryan insisted on a replacement, which interestingly enough...was the THEN-Television Champion, Donovan Astros...and according to him he VOLUNTEERED...to team with me.

Now...I've never asked to TEAM with anyone.

Not with Joey, while forming the "'Project".

Not even with Jared, though it was natural chemistry that put us together; The Dangle Brother's is a Powerhouse taking the world by storm....the only way to enjoy dinner at the Bar & Grill there now, is to reserve two weeks in advance. You think you know what you're going to eat in fourteen days' time?? I don't, but the fact is that that's just how successful things have become on the East Coast.

(Cruise slowly turns around and faces the camera, his arms crossed across his chest.)

But naturally, when it came down to what happened in the Finals...I held up my end of the bargain, just like I promised Paul Freeman I would when I was stuck with Joey Melton.

I nearly became a winner of the King of the Cage tournament and ANOTHER recipient of the Empire Pro Tag Team Championship, but instead...I came up short.

But it's not because I didn't TRY...unfortunately as the saying goes, it holds true...I can't be in two different places at once.

And like Astros sudden determination to play the hero and replace Shawn Hart as my tag team partner, he played my Marcel Marceau that week, and his voice, skills, strength and relevance to my involvement in the tournament that night DIED.

Now, I'm not one to not own up to my failures, I usually shoulder the blame for my faults and have ALWAYS done so in the past. But Donovan Astros took my shot at another record in Empire Pro, as well as chance to become King of the Cage AWAY...

So I TOOK his EPW Television Championship.

Now what followed at this point is no longer relevant to what's going on now, the fact is that I'm back here AGAIN...to prove that it doesn't matter WHO I'm paired with.

Tag Team Wrestling is what made me in this industry, it's what put me on the map with the effort I've put in, and it's what I CANNOT IGNORE when it comes to the King of the Cage tournament.

Now...everyone wants to know...what's the reason that I entered in this contest this year??

As I said...I am the BEST at what I do, and the entire world KNOWS it.

As it turns out though...the man I defeated for the title that should STILL be around my waist at this SECOND...is my partner for the King of the Cage tournament THIS YEAR.

(Cruise' tone turns sarcastic)

So First...did you have a nice SWIM??

You sure have improved since we last competed for the Intercontinental Championship First, there's no doubt in that. But you're kidding yourself if you think that there's any credit to the fact that you CHEATED your way into beating Triple X.

You used a steel cage force Stevens to tap.

I beat your ass straight up AGAIN, and without the use of anyone or anything to help.

But please...keep making up excuses about how you just GIVE UP.

Keep telling people how you didn't TRY to beat me.

That's all you can come up with, First, is excuses...and quite frankly...it's TIRED.

You took the World title when you CHEATED the King, and when you TRICKED the CLOWN.

But the worst of all you could do First, was CHEAT your way into the record books when I did what no one else thought I could do; you forced Pat Jones into that farce of a "rematch", and you beat me for a title that I won fair and square.

And you did it without my even KNOWING that it happened...and you became the first THREE-TIME...Empire Pro Champion.

But you see, the joke is on you, First.

Regardless of the way you won the title...I STILL...have one title that you won't lay claim to, a title that no one EVER has won before.

Not Joey Melton. Not Lindsay Troy, Marcus Westcott, Christian Sands or even Sean Stevens, for that matter.

I won the Empire Pro Wrestling GRAND SLAM, and as it always seems to be First...it's a title that someone won at YOUR expense.

(Cruise holds up a finger.)

But you'll have to excuse me if I don't celebrate right away.

Because you see...I won't be doing ANY...celebrating, not of ANY sort...not until I get that title back.

And believe me when I tell you, after what I went through these last few months, what I endured at Black Dawn and what I signed up for at King of the Cage...there's not enough torture in the WORLD that can stop me from making that happen.

In fact, to be blunt about it...the only way I'm not going to get that title back is if someone literally KILLS me.

But after all that said...you ARE right, in one thing.

Fate is CRUEL.

I'll be in your corner for Round One of the King of the Cage tournament, that you can rest easy on...but as for your deal??

PISS OFF.

You'll get nothing more than what I bring to the tournament, which is well more than you can imagine in an event like this, and you KNOW IT. I'm going to do what I do best, what I do better than you ever COULD...and if you think I'm going to do otherwise...if you even CONSIDER giving me an order...

I'll punch you right in the face, throw you out to the Cruise Nation for them to have their just desserts....and I'll do the rest of this MYSELF.

Dirk Dickwood Presents: A REALITY CHECK.

And it's going to be one that everyone likes...except Dirk Dickwood....and you too.

(Cruise sets his jaw.)

CHAMP.

FADEOUT
 

TSiegel

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"'Against the likes of Cameron Cruise'?? When are you going to learn, Sean?? You did wonders as the World Heavyweight Champion, and as the World Champion, you set the standard for Empire Pro Wrestling."

(Fadein, Cameron Cruise in front of an Empire Pro Wrestling backdrop, dressed in black slacks, a black sports coat with a blue undershirt and matching "Anarchy"-style shades.)

Even when Joey and I revolutionized Tag Team wrestling, it wasn't as strong as the center of attention you were receiving as World Champion. At least until the Dangle Brothers and Anthology came along, and suddenly things changed.

Sure, you had issues to deal with, but nobody cared as much about that anymore.

"Triple X"...wasn't the Center of Attention.

Stalker did his damage to Rocko Daymon, which as bad as it was....still didn't garner the conversation that Anthology had, not when Anthology was setting the world on FIRE.

How else would you explain The First, Anarky and the rest of those fools trying to usurp the status we had as the talk of the town?? Nevermind the fact that The First had alterior motives even THEN...but the fact is that I've said before...

Jealousy really IS a stinky cologne, Sean.

Why else would you drag the World Championship as bait for reason to push me out the very group I helped build??

Because you...even as the World Champion...became an afterthought.

Think about it, Sean, even before you had your battles with the First, I beat him BEFORE you even defended the World title the FIRST TIME.

I called him on his bullshit LONG before you said the same thing a month afterward.

But then you finally lost the title to First, and I can understand the reasoning for you TAPPING OUT.

I may not have family so endearing to me as you have to you at home, so I won't TRULY know what it is to feel about your children at the time, but for the two years that you were away...people only sought you as the man you became, and not the Champion you WERE.

Like First after he lost to Anarky...you QUIT.

In "Moneyball", Brad Pitt's portrayal of Billy Beane said "It's hard to be romantic about baseball. This kinda of thing, it's fun for the fans. It sells tickets and hot dogs, but it doesn't mean anything."

This business, Wrestling...it MEANS SOMETHING to me, more than it ever could to you or anyone else for that matter.

After you lost, you became a QUITTER, Sean, and despite my void in learning what it is to be a father, the fans know that to be a TRUE Champion, you get your ass back up and FIGHT.

When I was evicted from Anthology, I didn't stay away for long, despite what happened in the Fatal-Four-way match against you, Hart and First.

When I won the World title...mind you, I didn't say it was GIVEN, you above all people should know not to trust anything the First says...but when I WON the World Heavyweight Championship, after it was STOLEN from me...I didn't just go home.

I got back up and KICKED HIS ASS!!

As far as thinking you're the "Greatest Superstar of all time?"

Don't kid yourself, "King".

I win the World Heavyweight Championship again, and suddenly, your status as an "Empire Pro Hall-of-Famer" doesn't seem so impressive anymore, does it??

You deem yourself almost the greatest technical wrestler of our generation, but the fact is you're WRONG. You take everything people dish out at you...and then you go HOME.

You're not only NOT the King anymore...but you SOLD the "throne".

And just like every other person who serves a length of time...you're back to being just another one of US.

Only instead of you, it's ME that's going to finish off what you COULDN'T, and that's finish off The First for GOOD. As far as my having to tag with The First against Dirk Dickwood's boys...it's quite simple.

Even as a FORMER World Champion...which I know is weird for some people to say without accusing me of not being able to win the big one...ERIK...but I still have something to prove, besides to myself that I can do this. Albeit, my partner in the Lethal Lottery is the same man who cheated his way towards the EPW World Title, I've done well with alot worse in an event of this magnitude.

When's the last time you put forth an effort to succeed in a partnered dynamic, Sean??

When's the last time you put aside differences for a greater good that didn't involve embarrassing another man by humiliating his physical appearance??

See Sean, I could've called Ryan and told him to pick another random partner for this tournament, I could've told him that it was a bullshit move to stick me with the same guy that screwed me out of the biggest prize this company holds after winning it fair and square. Part of it is for ratings, I know, but the fact is that if I can take even the most DERELICT piece of crap and make him look worthwhile in LAST year's King of the Cage tournament...while The First might very well be your "bitch"...

This year's Lethal Lottery tournament, being that my partner IS the World Heavyweight Champion...is MINE.

And that's a REALITY CHECK that you, First, Dirk Dickwood and everyone else in this company just...won't like.

FADEOUT
 

Colin

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We find ourselves once again in the offices of Dirk Dickwood Enterprises, the finest budget agency you can find on Craigslist. Sitting down at his giant oak table of important business is Dirk Dickwood himself, sitting nearby is the once again immaculately dressed Cecilworth Farthington, his army of trainers to his back. Chief of Security Hank remains positioned next to the door in case of an angry invaders demanding to Occupy Dickwood for he is the 1% (of those of short stature anyway)

Dickwood: Gentlemen! It seems we may be getting overlooked in this little tag affair I managed to negotiate our way into using my years and months and even days of experience as an expert manager and agent to upcoming young superstars.

Farthing: Y'know guy, I totes did nono wheel a barrow full of cash money into this office for you to swim around in to be overlooked, yah? I paid you to get my name about, like maybe in a newspaper or magazine. I certainly did not pay a lot of my father's money to be ignored. Farthingtons are not ignored. We ignore others. The poor, the blacks...

Dirk waves his hand in front of his throat in a “cut it out motion” in an attempt to stop Cecilworth from talking any longer.

Dickwood: Okay, that's quite enough of that. No, it seems like to many, despite my palm greasing and wheeling dealing ways, EPW in its infinite fucking wisdom, the wisdom of gods no doubt, have given us the prostitute...

Farthington: The what?

There is a brief, awkward pause.

Dickwood: We have drawn the proverbial short straw.

Hank sniggers as Dirk shoots a dirty glare. Cecilworth takes starts to breathe in to show his intentions of making a comment but that is put to a halt as Dirk leans over the table in a menacing fashion.

Dickwood: If it's a short joke that's about to escape that inbred mouth of yours, I will literally and I do mean literally dive over this table, rip your god damn throat out, leave this office, jump in my car, put my foot down on the pedal, cutting every fucking red light I can until I finally arrive at your family estate, kick down the door and present it to your father as a warning to the Farthington family that if Dirk Dickwood ever lays eyes on another one of your kind, they will meet a similar end. So, you were going say something Cecilworth?

Farthington: Yah... Nah.... nah.

Dirk leans back in his chair with a smile that portrays a great and deep sense of self-satisfaction.

Dickwood: A-hem. Back to my original point. It would seem that the world is counting us out Cecilworth. Everyone is sitting in their back gardens, enjoying a little drink with an umbrella as their children frolicking in the paddling pool next to them talking about the dream match that is Impulse and Sean Stevens going up against Cameron Cruise and The First. They're talking about taking the day off from work so they can enjoy seeing these EPW giants go at it on free television. FREE! No money! No money what so ever! You have to pay to see Cameron Cruise be a world champion for less than a minute but this, this is free!

Farthington: My accountant Financial Phyllis was just telling me that would be totes, totes amazeballs to see, once in a lifetime yah? Talk of the dressage team locker room too...

Dickwood: Horsey dancing? Really? Horsey dancing?

Farthington: Dirk, please, dressage is more than mere horsey dancing. For a start you have to look at the form of the majestic creature...

Dirk starts pointing at the throat of Farthington and smiling

Farthington: And err... so you were saying.

Dickwood: Yes I was, yes I fucking was saying. There's a small problem with that. A wrench in the works. No matter how much Cameron Cruise may be itching to get his incoherently rambling hands on Sean Stevens, no matter how many cameras he stands in front of to say as much, he still has to get through you and Hank.

Farthington: Me and Hank? What do we have to do with this?

Dirk bangs his head off his desk a few times then returns to a lean back position, glaring a hole through Farthington.

Dickwood: I phoned your personal valet about twenty times to tell you. We have been assigned, oh happy days, oh such a joyful time, First and Cameron Cruise in the first round. Get the god damn confetti and sparklers out from storage Norma, we've going to have a fucking party over our luck. Get some cake! Hey Cecilworth, what kind of cake do you like? Is it “get your ass in gear or I will personally toss you to the fucking wolves cake” because I think it is.

*BZZT*

VOICE: Mr. Dickwood, I can't see that cake on the menu.

Dirk mumbles something into the intercom and turns his attention back to Cecilworth.

Farthington: Sorry, I really didn't know, I was at the country estate for the week. No telephones there. My father always said that talking on the telephone was for the mongrel creti...

Another point at the throat, another signal for Farthington to shaddup.

Dickwood: However, I'm Dirk Dickwood. DIRK DICKWOOD. I'm not ready to just walk away. I paid for a plane ticket to America, not to mention the visa and I'm damn sure not going to let that money go to waste... seriously, visas don't come easily or cheaply. It's a real pain in the arse. I blame the terrorists. Now Cecil, I assume I can call you Cecil because I'm going to do it anyway. Cecil, you don't need to fear these men, you don't need to be in awe at their stature. Giants fall, Cecil, someone always comes along with their little slingshot and takes down the big mean giant that has been terrorising the world. Now two giants, that's tricky. However, remember, I'm giving you your own giant. I'm giving you the best piece of muscle you could ever dream of laying your hands on. I mean just look at him. Look at him! HANK! Turn around!

Hank gets up from his post and does a little twirl.

Dickwood: Look at those calves, those thighs... LOOK AT DAT ASS! That's the ass of a menace to society. That's what kind of ass that is. Still, I'm Dirk fucking Dickwood. DIRK DICKWOOD! So I always have a back-up plan. In the case that you... somehow... let the side down, and I'm not saying you would but you would, we need to take out some insurance. You have access to some of your family wealth, do you not?

Farthington: Well adoy Hank, adoy duh, I'm a Farthington, my face alone causes ATMs to spew forth mad cash money.

Dickwood: Great, go grab some of that aforementioned money. I've got a great idea. Here's a quick pro-wrestling lesson Ces, you play the man. Or in this case men. I think I know exactly what they want.
 

TSiegel

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"Apparently I owe an apology."

(Fadein, Cameron Cruise back in front of the same backdrop.)

CRUISE: To Mister Dickwood....do I HAVE to call you that?? I mean, the last time we had a European in this company that thought of himself worth of half-a-talented choad in the proverbial toilet bowl that is the pot of fake gold in Empire Pro, it was Tarique Israel...which I'm not even sure if the name is right...and his claim to fame was throwing a SHOE.

I mean, the Austin Powers bit was terrible but it really does beg the question...who throws a SHOE?? Honestly?? But even in this, I digress...

Do I call you Dirk?? Or Dirka-Dirka is a proper nickname from where you come from??

How about Dickless??

I mean, in a tournament like this that you managed to enter...you're not even COMPETING in it...and yet you complain because the prior business that has taken precedence so far is more important than what you have to offer as a legitimate THREAT??

I mean, nevermind that three of the four competitors being discussed are either THE World Champion or a former World Champion of this company you signed up your "Little-League" enterprise for...I don't speak for the other two, at least if I don't have to...but the three of us actually RATE around here.

(The Camera takes a short up close shot)

That's not to mean that Impulse hasn't put in his due, carrying the Intercontinental Championship around as long as he has is admirable, but let's face it; even with his experience in the LAST King of the Cage tournament as onus to where he stands now...this couldn't POSSIBLY be about him.

(The Camera returns to the previous spot)

No, the fact is that I owe you an apology, Dirk, because after I WON....

(Cruise narrows his eyes as if to deliver a look to someone particular, but absent from appearance.)

...the World Heavyweight Championship, I was KNOCKED OUT AND DEPRIVED of what was rightfully earned, at Black Dawn. Eight long years of blood, sweat, tears and struggle to do what I set out to do to begin with...was ROBBED from me in the span of under five MINUTES.

Mind you...I said knocked OUT, not knocked DOWN, there's a difference.

However, you wouldn't know that Dirk, not because it was public record...it WAS...but because you weren't around to SEE IT, much less pay ATTENTION.

Yeah, you've drawn the proverbial, and literal short straw.

You draw the UNLIKELY pairing of two men that just headlined the recent Main Event of Black Dawn, and yes, it's on FREE television, because the fact is that the fans DESERVE to see something of that magnitude.

As far as I'm concerned, you guys don't deserve anything less than than that either DICK...WOOD you manage to do what EVERYONE considers right now the ULTIMATE upset...you still have the possibility of facing two more CHAMPIONS of this company....not exactly stealing from the fans is it??

On the contrary, you're GIVING them what THEY want, even if you think it's for free.

But let's backtrack a bit fellas, after all...this is sorta putting the cart before the horse, now isn't it??

You have to beat The First and myself FIRST...before you get that far.

Rather Farington and Mister Bean.

(Camera cuts back up close)

Don't ask me why, but the connotations that was chosen before...alittle strange to me too...nevertheless, you really can't predict who Dan Ryan comes out with for these things, but that's about as close to it as I can remember, in terms of their actual NAMES.

Don't like it?? Tough, don't show up and save yourself the embarrassment of losing to a man who lost the World Heavyweight Championship in under three minutes...AND the World Heavyweight Champion, and take the embarrassment of being declared a CHICKENSHIT instead.

Not to mention the amount of money that Dan Ryan is legally allotted to fine you for skipping out on this tournament as well as the obligatory penalty of breach-of-contract.

That's right Dirk, The First might be Sean Steven's BITCH, but by signing that contract to compete in this tournament...if you don't hold up your end of the bargain...if you don't at LEAST put up a fight....

(Cruise smiles)

I'm SORRY, Dirk...but you'll be Dan Ryan's....and THAT Dirk...is a REALITY CHECK that you just...won't like.

FADEOUT
 

The Great Eye

I came to cut you up
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(FADEIN: The First standing in front of a “King Of The Cage ’12” banner. The First is in his ring gear, black gi pants, black “Destined for GREATNESS” wife beater, face painted in the white/black Kefka motif, EPW World Title resting on his right shoulder. “Shallow Grave” by The Birthday Massacre plays in the background.)

FIRST: “What’ EPW?” one of my two opponents asked that question…

(First shakes his head, winces.)

This is who the ping-pong balls put me up against…A man who doesn’t even know what this company is or what it stands for…And sad to say he’s not getting much of a lesson in what it means to be here either…

For as disrespectful and ignorant a person as he is…My esteemed partner has spent more time yelling at me or people not in this match…I would think he of the Grand Slam of EPW Titles would be more angry about fighting young Cecil here…

“What’s EPW?”

That’s such a loaded question…For Dirk Dickwood it’s a way to soak a rich idiot of his money…It’s a way for him to make the rent and maybe cover some of that back child support…It’s a fairy tale he sells to gullible fools like young Cecil who throw piles of cash at him thinking it’ll make them a star. You can’t buy this (Pats belt) you can’t pay off a crowd to care about you…It’s the difference between a girlfriend and a hooker…Rest assured Cecil when you walk to that ring, the crowd is going to boo you, they’ll boo you loud and the hate will be dripping off them, because you’re not from this world, you’re an outsider who hasn’t done his homework…And they’ll hate you for it, hate you for everything you stand for.

When I come out they’ll hate me, but they hate me because I’ve crushed everything they’ve ever known and loved…I’ve taken everything they’ve ever had to cheer for and cast it down into the fire….The old me is even a part of that…The hero they loved is now the monster they want to see destroyed…But as much as they hate me…They know I belong here, and they know you don’t…

“What’s EPW?”

I’m sure you have some ideas as to what EPW is…You think it’ll be a cool story to tell your friends at Lax Bro Beta Date Rapist…You can tell them all how you main evented some show “Anger or Alacrity or something like that.” And when you see a girl wearing some sort of wrestling themed T-Shirt you think it’ll be your ticket inside her panties by telling her all about the night you battled the EPW World Champion inside a steel cage…

That’s the dream Dirk Dickwood is selling you…That’s the myth you want to be made into reality.

“What’s EPW?”

EPW is two men who’ve been in this company a damn long time who don’t take kindly to the fact that some rich piece of shit has decided to treat this company like it’s a safari tour…”Now on the right is a pack of wild Dangle Brothers, and on the left is the fabled Gothopotimus, please don’t use flash photography as it might spook these creatures.” You think staying in a 4 star hotel and then taking a guided tour in an SUV through the wilderness means you’re roughing it…(Shakes head) you have no idea what you are in for.

“What’s EPW?”

EPW is you laying on the mat, that dull throb in your head from being ragged dolled around for the last 20 minutes, a stream of blood pouring from your scalp onto the mat….EPW is Hank having long since bailed out of the ring and hit the showers, he got paid to show up, he owes you nothing more…EPW is Dirk Dickwood counting your money and working on the speech he’ll give you the next day about how this was all a bump in the road and for a couple more piles of money he’ll smooth it all over and get the Cecil Express back on track…

EPW is you alone in a cage with no way out, your only way to end the beating is to tell the ref you quit…Because I’m not going to pin you, I’m not going to escape that cage. I’m in that cage to beat you bloody and then to break your arm.

Because I don’t suffer fools…Men who walk into my company acting like you get on my bad side real quick and that leads to those men getting hurt and leaving this company to those who respect this industry and the craft of wrestling.

“What’s EPW?”

It’s the land of nightmares and monsters…It’s a world you’re welcome too but only if you’re willing to pay a price in blood and pain far greater than the one you’ve paid in money…It’s the place that chews up and spits out men like you without a second thought…The Empire is not your playground, it’s a battlefield where the world’s best compete night in and night out and the fact that you’ll tarnish this company by being in its record books sickens me…But I am thankfully for the fact that it will be by my hands that you suffer…

I’m the one that gets this point of flesh…I’m the one that gets to break you in and teach you a lesson…You are going to find out the answer to your question inside that cage…You’re going to learn life lessons that can’t be taught any other way…This night will be the night of your indoctrination…And what you do with that lesson is up to you…You can slink back to the country club and hope nobody back home watched your beating…Or you can harden up and start working on a career here in the Empire…

Maybe you’ll stick around after taking the beating I’m going to give you and start to make a name for yourself, and in the process of doing that, you’ll find out how worthless your money really is, and how meaningless the advice of that blood sucking leech Dirk Dickwood really is…You’ll figure out that to really ever do anything here, you’ll have to find the answer to your question yourself.

“What’s EPW?”

Let me know when you find out.

(FADEOUT)
 
Last edited:

Colin

The best handler ever since 2012: He is a gem
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We find ourselves once more in the company of three men who are rapidly becoming accostomed to appearing in front of EPW cameras. This time around they stand in front of a shiny new King of the Cage backdrop, they are of course Dirk Dickwood Presents, Cecilworth Farthington and Hank. Hank continues to wear his black "HANK" t-shirt and stands up against the wall, leaning against the backdrop, his arms folded in front of his chest. Cecilworth Farthington is dressed to the nines in his fanciest of fancy 3-piece suits, in his hand he holds a well known sight to many wrestling fans, a Zero Halliburton briefcase

Dirk Dickwood stands at the front of the scene, puffing away on his cigar without a care in the world until he notices that Farthington is very visibly agitated.

Farthington: What the hell Dirk? WHAT THE BLOODY HELL? That man is scary! He uses scary words, y'know... scary words! He has face paint, he has the budget for it! That's a man with very little to care for in this world, yah? Y'know, like, this... this isn't going to work. He's right! You're a damn leech to the grand Farthington name. I'll be damned if my beautiful family name, a name that has survived the ages and still has a sterling reputation while others were be-felled by moats for ducks, is going to be smashed into the tiniest of pieces by this EPW endeavor, whatever that is. I am not going out there to be destroyed by some low rent goth and his babbling incoherent friend! I AM OUT OF HERE AND SO IS MY RUDDY MONEY!

Farthington begins to walk off camera, Dirk chasing close behind, both going out of shot.

Dickwood: CECIL! C-MONEY! DON'T DO THIS TO ME! I CAN TOTALLY MAKE THIS WORK! CECIL! CECIL!!

There is a brief moment of silence, as Hank talks tall and wordlessly in front of the camera, piercing a glaze that shows future moments of murder that are in store for anyone who dares to observe him. After a brief moment we hear two men howling with laughter as Dirk and Cecil return in front of the camera in near hysterics.

Dickwood: Ahahaha, ahaha, ahhhhh...

Dirk wipes a tear from his eye.

Dickwood: That was a good one. You know, I thought you were the smarter one of the two Mr. The First but your little stunt, that "What's EPW" bundle of joy you just shat in front of the fans of this fine company then insisted it was delicious candy, that shows that you underestimate what that team is capable of even more than Cameron "I Think the Entire Roster is in this Match" Cruise.

Did you really think a man as educated as Cecilworth and a man with as much links to this fucking industry as me were going to fall for "Mind Games 101". That we were going to tear each other throats out because you fancy yourself as something of a puppetmaster? Now sure, my idiot son, dear ole Phil, he would've bought it hook, line and sinker. He would have been off to the first brothel he could lay his filthy hands on rather than show up at Aggression. Cecilworth? He's an intelligent man. He has been educated at the finest education institutes you could possibly attention...

Farthington: YAH! ETONIAN, OXONIAN, BITCHES!

Dirk gives the mildest of eye rolls.

Dickwood: Thank you Mr. Farthington. The point is, we're not idiots, this ain't the Dirkmeister first rodeo. First, you don't serve us a shit salad then try to pretend it was a shit sundae. This isn't babby's first walk in the park. You really think threats of violence and BOOING, seriously BOOING was going to stop this unit? This family? Cecilworth, maybe it's time to put things into a little context for this confused gothic friend of ours.

Farthington: Yah, totes, I was booed coming out of the womb! Dear papa, Lord Farthington really wanted a girl. Took a good few canings on the backside that night let me tell ya! Do you know what the fucking proles in jolly old England think of men like me? Do you know how many buckets of piss I have totes had to avoid? I mean yah, it really makes a case for putting the poor into some kind of camp until they learn to respect individuals like myself. Being a member of the ruling classes should be amazeballs but some bloody chav always ruins it! Bloody chavs Dirk!

Dirk gives Cecilworth a reassuring pat on the back as the awful memories of the time he was stabbed in the bottom with a knife wash over him.

Dickwood: I would say that you should disregard us on your own peril but it won't come down to that. We're all gentlemen is this match... well most of us are. So instead of walking down that long winding path where I explain to you in deep detail why we will beat you, I thought I would instead make things a bit more interesting. I'm an agent, I'm a manager, I'm an expert negotiator and I believe in win-win situations. Or in the case of this match, win-win-win. None of us have to walk away from that cage as losers. We can have our cake and eat it and that is just dandy.

Dirk makes a signal to Cecilworth who slams the briefcase he was holding on top of the little table in front of the men.

Farthington: Yah, y'know, I, like, got this mad wad from Accounting Ethel yesterday. This case is loaded with many thousands of green people from history times, I know you damn yanks can't get enough of that shit.

Dirk gently guides Farthington away from the camera and opens of the case to reveal indeed it is full of the maddest cash money.

Dickwood: Let's give the EPW fans what they want! They don't want to see two weird, unknown foreigners take down some of EPW's best. Just think of the heart break it would cause the little kiddies as they openly weep into their Cameron Cruise foam fingers. No, let's make this a win-win-win. How do we achieve that? Well that part is really the simplest. After all, simplicity is beauty.

Cruise, First, you enter the cage. Dirk and Hank will also enter the cage. We'll bring the briefcase with us but I'll hang on to it until my damn conditions are satisfied. From there all you have to do is wait. That's all. Wait. Stay in your damn stations and let Hank and Cecilworth sail out over the top of the cage to the sweet ground below. In return, this briefcase will miraculously find its way into the ring.

From there, I don't give a damn. Tear each other apart, give the fans a damn good show. Fight over the briefcase for all I care, the fans will be ecstatic. They'll be phoning their friends, telling them to tune in because there is some amazing shit going down on Aggression, "Cruise is out for blood! He wants revenge!" they'll yell to their wonky faced obese friend down the Skype line. No one will even remember we were here. The fans will win because they get to see Cruise and The First got at it once again, we win because we get to progress in this little enterprise and you guys win because clearly you are more interested in each other than you are us. Plus you get a fat wad of cash too! That's merely a bonus!

Don't say no though, I don't want to break your precious EPW's crowds heart as two "know nuttin' outsiders" tear down the firey passionate Cameron Cruise and the man they love to hate, the man who fancies himself as EPW's anti-hero. That's turning a win-win-win into a win-lose-lose and as a negotiator, it would break my heart to be the one to cause that. You both know the smart choice, you both know what you want.

Farthington: WHAT YOU REALLY, REALLY WANT!

Dickwood: Okay, this is over. I'm done.

Dirk takes off his microphone and slams it to the ground walking out of shot as Farthington continues to sing a rousing rendition of the Spice Girl's hit song, "Wannabe".
 

The Great Eye

I came to cut you up
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(FADEIN: The First in the same outfit as before still standing in front of a KotC poster.)

FIRST: Clearly none of you know what EPW is about. The idea that this is some fly by night operation that would have a World Champion willing to sell out for a bribe to let you morons advance into the second round...That you would think you could buy me...

(First shakes head)

You are even dumber than I thought and you are going to make the beating I dish out to you even sweeter. I have a counter offer to you.

Quit before this math and I let you keep your health. Don't gt into the cage with Cruise and myself. Don't put whatever sort of career you would ever have in this business at risk by climbing into a steel cage with two men far superior to you. When the bell rings just scream "I quit" and call it a day...Because that's the only way you save yourself Cecil.

See we both know you are not ready for this. You admitted as much when your idiot manager begged me to take your money and not hurt you. People who are confident in their ability to win a match don't start begging people to take a dive for them.

(smiles)

So we all know where we stand in this match...You are in a world of trouble and I am getting ready to educate the masses once again as to why I am the EPW World Champion and I shall remain champion for a long long time . Your blood, your screams, your agony will be the warning to the locker room not to trifle with me. You will be the latest victim of my reign and there is nothing you can do to stop this.

All your money doesn't mean anything inside the cage. You can't buy talent or stamina or will. You can't pay to be faster, stronger, tougher. The cage accepts only one currency and that is will. That is the ability to keep pushing yourself when your body begs you to quit. To keep fighting even when it seems to be hopeless, when victory seems impossible. And you are sadly lacking in will.

In that cage you will beg for mercy, you'll see how worthless your money truly is, how worthless Dickwood's lies were. You will understand that everything I have said is true and when I have finally had my fill of your pain I will end this match and I will stand over you and smile and let you know that you have been properly introduced to the Empire.

(FADEOUT)
 

Colin

The best handler ever since 2012: He is a gem
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We once again find ourselves in the company of the Dirk Dickwood Presents trio, this time around, still very much set up in front of a King of the Cage backdrop, the briefcase of cash still sitting open in prime placement at the front of the setting. Cecilworth is pacing around in the background of the scene with his mobile phone in hand on a high powered business call. Hank, still up the back, arms afolded and of course standing with the money, self-proclaimed "Superagent", Dirk Dickwood.

Farthington: Nah, nah, three duck moats. Three! Yah man, moats for ducks. Yah, yah, totes the future. Sally Sally has like fifteen in her warehouse, says they're worth more than gold on the market right now.

Dickwood: Well First, Cruise, here we stand. It seems you didn't want to accept our kind offer and we already have the money, Cecilworth insists that duck moats are the future of investment and who am I to judge such a highly educated man. Still, it pains me to do this...

Dirk slams the briefcase shut and locks it up.

Dickwood: You seem to have misunderstood my proposal. Somehow you've got the idea that it would ruin your reputation First. That it would make you, Cameron Cruise and EPW look like a joke. That couldn't be further from the truth, that offer was there to protect you. That offer was there because I understand this industry on a level far beyond your comprehension... if that wasn't already evident from your response.

I wanted to help you, I mean really, would it have done such great damage to your reputation to have a big ole brawl with Cruise? Would it have hurt EPW so dearly to have the fans in attendance at Aggression 68 screaming their heads out in joy at getting to see The First and Cameron Cruise go at it once again? Would it send you home with a wounded heart to known millions more at home would be watching the scene unfolding in front of them on the plasma screens they bought with credit cards sending them further into crippling debt? Maybe I should make it clear these are rhetorical questions because I'm starting to get a little bit concerned about your intelligence.

With that big named brawl happening in the cage, I doubt anyone would remember the "match" that took place before hand. Hank and Cecilworth, they would sail out over the cage without laying a hand on either of you and you could've got straight down to business. You wouldn't have taken a dive, all you would do is act on the desire that your team already has - to smack each other upside the head. That's not a bribe, that's not selling out, that's not a smear on anyone's reputation. That's good business. Now though? Now... sadly and regrettably reputations need to be smashed into a million tiny little pieces.

Farthington: Well, do you know when you are expecting the next shipment?

Dirk looks a little bit perturbed but carries on none the less.

Dickwood: I said I wanted to make this match a win-win-win and I really tried to look after everyone's best interests. The problem is that by rejecting my client's proposal we have to enact Plan B and Plan B ain't pretty for you First. It ain't gonna be a good time for you or Cruise.

After all both of you have advised my team, my guys, to not even bother showing up. You've tried to scare them off, threaten them, make some promises that you can't possibly fulfill. First, Cameron, you've stood in front of EPW cameras and told EPW fans that "Dirk Dickwood Presents" are jokes, walkovers, an easy first win. You've promised all manner of wild and wonderful tortures will befell my guys. You're just so gosh darn sure you can just waltz down to the ring and take these men apart. You think you can take apart Hank, a man who has been waiting for the day he can get that giant mitt of a hand of his around some little punks windpipe.

Hank gives a little day-dream like smile at the very thought of it.

Dickwood: You think you can make Cecilworth Farthington, one of the most highly trained athletes in this damn business scream out in agony? A man who has been relishing the chance to show men like you and Cruise that heart, passion and drive are meaningless when they come up against training that only the elite of the world can afford.

Cecilworth drops off his call for a brief second.

Farthington: Yah, money conquers all. It'll be totes, totes amazeballs. It may even be double amazeballs!

And back to the call.

Dickwood: My guys, they want this. We knew we were going to shock EPW sooner or later, we just hoped it'd be later. We like to save ourselves, y'know.

So what happens when you lose? What happens to the grand EPW World Heavyweight Champion and his last challenger, a man who almost walk out of the show with his belt, when they go down to this pathetic team of outsiders? Guys who don't know "nuttin'" about EPW are about to take you down, what is that going to do to your career? Are you futures as a champion and contender even tenable anymore? Well, I've crunched the numbers and I think we can give you a little preview. Hank?

Hank pulls out a Cameron Cruise EPW headshot from his back pocket, this is swiftly followed by one of The First. Dirk pulls a lighter out from his pocket and sets the head shots ablaze. Almost as if it was a ceremony, Cecilworth holds a trash can high up, presenting it to Hank as he dumps the burning head shots into the can. Cecilworth lowers it back to the ground.

Dickwood: It didn't have to be this way. Why didn't you just take the money? We were trying to help! It's sad, so sad.

Cecilworth: IT'S A SAD, SAD SITUATION.

Dickwood: I warned you about this, didn't I warn you about this?

Dirk walks out of view screaming, quickly followed by Cecilworth and Hank. The camera cuts into the head shots slowly turning to ash as we fade to black.
 

TSiegel

I spoil things.
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"Don't get me wrong, First, Dirk Dickwood and his boys really AREN'T the droids I'm looking for."

(Fadein, Cameron Cruise in front of an Empire Pro Wrestling King of the Cage backdrop, dressed in black slacks and a black sports coat with a white undershirt.)

CRUISE: If I'm alittle angry it's only because I was cheated out of the biggest prize this company has ever offered to me for my troubles...and it was taken me just like a thief in the night, while I wasn't conscious and prepared for it.

Only the difference between that moment and the King of the Cage, is that the randomness of the draw forces me to work WITH that very thief, instead of breaking him physically further....

Pissed off?? What's that??

(Cruise continues unabated)

Nevertheless, while my partner is busy giving an oral report on what EPW means to him AFTER they graded his performance...a backwards act only First can attempt...he's made way through producing what's prolonged in my head as much as the video playback of what he did to me at Black Dawn AFTER I beat him within the confines of a FAIR match.

You know...what I've wanted to begin with...it's misnomer was what happened while I was knocked unconscious, I lost the one thing I fought half my career to achieve. But replacing what happened at AT &T is just what he said a couple days ago...

"EPW is you alone in a cage with no way out, your only way to end the beating is to tell the ref you quit…I’m in that cage to beat you bloody and then to break your arm."

However Dirk, the unfortunate misnomer in your random draw is that you get ME as one of the two men that face your "talent" in this event.

And I couldn't be more motivated to produce a follow-up moment to the act that was displayed afterwards, and the boys you have "working for you" are in for the night of their life.

And that puts me into a working environment with the previously-proclaimed thief that only I can know the frustration with against the likes of Cecil...pardon me..."C-Money"...and "Hank".

Two guys that apparently haven't the balls to go into this business on their own, they need an agent to bring them to the Empire of Broken Dreams.

Because you see, Dirk...that's what happened to me at Black Dawn, my dream of winning the World Heavyweight Championship for eight years was BROKEN in the matter of three MINUTES.

So my proverbial grenade in this war, is to not only return to the event that was stolen from me, but to break the dreams of the men YOU want to do the work for you.

The work that you're apparently too good to do yourself, but you chastise me for because it's what I do for a living that matters to me.

This might not be your first Rodeo, Dirk, but Empire Pro is a completely different town and if "simplicity is beauty", then you're about the ugliest sonuvabitch I've ever seen.

Money for breaching contract?? Who the hell do you think you are, Doc Silver??

The fact is that I'm ALREADY a made man, but it's not the money that provides the thrill, if that were the case, I'd have quit while I was ahead a LONG TIME AGO.

It's the COMPETITION that drives me, Dirk, I aim to be the best each and EVERY night I walk out there.

But that's okay, Dirk, I can understand why you wouldn't know who Joey Melton is, or the Dangle Brothers, or even Anthology.

You're a Schlep Rock in the form of three emasculated girls tied to train tracks of the King of the Cage tournament, the only difference is that I've got zero interest in hitting the brakes to avoid hitting you anytime soon.

As far as your crack about "Hank"??

I'd love to see him TRY.

I just got done not too long ago getting past a Giant named Spike Saunders, in the Ultratitle tournament...or do you REALLY aim to ignore such an event like that too??

I mean, it's good enough for the likes of other competitors in this tournament, others like Sean Stevens, Larry Tact, Karl Brown, Boogie Smallz, Anarky and Rezin...what makes you any different??

Granted, Rezin got...ahem..."smoked"...by Deacon...it's what he does best.

Well, second to Boogie that is, but nevertheless...at least they TRIED.

I've been around the world, Dirk, I've faced some of the BEST this world has to offer, FAR better than you...and come out on top.

I've BEATEN some of the so-called "Elite" competitors put up against me, even when no one believed I COULD.

Where were YOU??

The fact is, yes...it really IS a sad situation.

Sad, because the fact is neither one of us need YOUR money, Dirk.

It's SAD...because it's BARELY the First Round of the King of the Cage tournament, and you're willing to pay out money...not even to YOUR OWN clients....just to avoid a beating at the hands of myself and The First.

Not for nothing...but that's just plain CHICKENSHIT.

You wanna pay somebody??

Pay your HEALTH INSURANCE PROVIDER, because you're going to need them after I'm through.

That's a REALITY CHECK Dirk...and it's not only one you won't like...but one you'll have no other excuses but to take with you when you pack your bags and go HOME.

FADEOUT
 

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