AGGRESSION 70: Rich Mahogany vs. Paladin
- Thread starter DBrunkGXW
- Start date
Here I go again, on my own...
[Cold open.]
[Rich Mahogany, dressed in an EPW t-shirt cut off at the midriff and a pair of Daisy Dukes denim shorts, stands alone with The Empire’s logo green-screened in behind him. His face is twisted into a determined, thoughtful gaze.]
Rich Mahogany:
Here’s the deal.
[Pause. Deep breath.]
Rich:
The Rich-man don’t rightly know what exactly happened with Pete Whealdon last week. What I do know is that I ain’t gonna be wastin’ no more of anybody else’s time barkin’ up that tag team tree. Now can ya dig that?
Good.
I’ll say this much, though. Some day, before everything’s said and done, all of the Ladies have been taken care of and all of the titles have been won and lost, that Jimmy Mylde faggot has got a receipt coming that he ain’t gonna like.
I’m just saying.
[Duckface.]
Rich:
But whatever. That situation is what it is. Right now it’s time to move on to bigger and better things, and by that, I mean my match on the upcoming Aggression with...
Paladin?
Seriously?
Is this guy gonna come at me with a broadsword in full chainmail? Do I need to go rent a horse and learn how to joust or something? Can I just pay a 2H Barb with 10,000 DPS War Hammers to smash this guy into goo or something?
[He shakes his head.]
Rich:
You know what, I ain’t even mad. Truth be told I haven’t exactly been tearing it up around EPW since I lost that Television Title to Larry Tact a while back. I mean sure, I mopped the floor with Hammertoe and Mr. SNL, but those two guys are pretty well useless without Jimmy Mylde telling them which hole to aim for, amirite?
So here’s what I’m gonna do, Ladies and Ladies, I’m gonna bring my perfectly toned ass and rock hard abs out to Phoenix, I’m gonna give all of the Ladies in Arizona a little “lip service” if you know what I mean, and I’m gonna introduce the world and The Empire to the all new and improved Richie-Rich mother-effin’ Mahogany!
[Thumbs up.]
Rich:
And after that’s all said and done with, I’m gonna go back to making fun of Anarky for wearing skinny jeans.
[Fade to WTF ever.]
[Cold open.]
[Rich Mahogany, dressed in an EPW t-shirt cut off at the midriff and a pair of Daisy Dukes denim shorts, stands alone with The Empire’s logo green-screened in behind him. His face is twisted into a determined, thoughtful gaze.]
Rich Mahogany:
Here’s the deal.
[Pause. Deep breath.]
Rich:
The Rich-man don’t rightly know what exactly happened with Pete Whealdon last week. What I do know is that I ain’t gonna be wastin’ no more of anybody else’s time barkin’ up that tag team tree. Now can ya dig that?
Good.
I’ll say this much, though. Some day, before everything’s said and done, all of the Ladies have been taken care of and all of the titles have been won and lost, that Jimmy Mylde faggot has got a receipt coming that he ain’t gonna like.
I’m just saying.
[Duckface.]
Rich:
But whatever. That situation is what it is. Right now it’s time to move on to bigger and better things, and by that, I mean my match on the upcoming Aggression with...
Paladin?
Seriously?
Is this guy gonna come at me with a broadsword in full chainmail? Do I need to go rent a horse and learn how to joust or something? Can I just pay a 2H Barb with 10,000 DPS War Hammers to smash this guy into goo or something?
[He shakes his head.]
Rich:
You know what, I ain’t even mad. Truth be told I haven’t exactly been tearing it up around EPW since I lost that Television Title to Larry Tact a while back. I mean sure, I mopped the floor with Hammertoe and Mr. SNL, but those two guys are pretty well useless without Jimmy Mylde telling them which hole to aim for, amirite?
So here’s what I’m gonna do, Ladies and Ladies, I’m gonna bring my perfectly toned ass and rock hard abs out to Phoenix, I’m gonna give all of the Ladies in Arizona a little “lip service” if you know what I mean, and I’m gonna introduce the world and The Empire to the all new and improved Richie-Rich mother-effin’ Mahogany!
[Thumbs up.]
Rich:
And after that’s all said and done with, I’m gonna go back to making fun of Anarky for wearing skinny jeans.
[Fade to WTF ever.]