Don't you got an episode of Sponge Bob to watch??
"Mister Grand Slam."
(Fadein, Cameron Cruise in front of an EPW backdrop, dressed in a white sports coat and slacks, with a blue undershirt and matching Anarchy-style sunglasses.)
CRUISE: "Mister Grand Slam...Cameron Cruise".
It does have a nice little ring to it, when I think about it.
MISTER...Cameron Cruise.
Nevermind men like "Triple X" Sean Stevens, who calls himself "The King"; Rezin used to call himself Erik Black, who monikered himself as "The Escape Artist".
You could even forget about names like, "The Marathon Man" Impulse or Randall Knox, if you will. I could do this and list 'em all day, hell, I'm pretty sure some elder woman who showed up last week wearing a shirt that said "who needs pants??" even called The First "Barbara Ann" at some point, however, apparently "Barbara Ann" was a bit of a prostitute in her day too, but spent too much time making farm animal balloons in awkward situations.
Who knew some kid would take a balloon twisted into the shape of a Giraffe getting railed by a poodle??
Not myself of course, but then again it doesn't surprise me either, nothing The First does surprises me anymore, which is why I tried to pull his cowardly-lion-acting-ass back in to finish it like a man, the way the World Champion SHOULD, and faced the fire.
Call me crazy, but I'd rather go down fighting, knowing that I still have one title I can defend, than to sit there and make excuses for things undone, especially since I was competing in a tournament that I nearly won LAST YEAR...and it was ALSO with a partner that didn't much care for me either.
And that's fine too, because when you're the First, and it comes to showing why you're the World Champion and have to TEAM with another guy...
(Mocks the fairytale, roll of the tongue and all.)
EYE...am the King...of the FOORRRRREEESSSTTT!!!...except when I can go hide by any other technical means, and then it's "Screw you, we're gonna burn you at the stake!!"
But that's okay folks, because now that that's done, I can narrow the one focus back to where it SHOULD be, which is getting the Empire Pro Wrestling World Heavyweight Championship back.
Not that I ever REALLY had it, but that's what is going to make this next journey so much the sweeter.
And it starts this week, against....(Cruise reaches into his pocket, pulling out the promoted marquee for Aggression 71.)
Malcom...Joseph-Jones.
(Cruise looks off to the side, at no one in particular, balling up the paper and chucking it.)
This is a joke, right??
I mean, don't get me wrong...I've never really been one to argue, because at the end of the day, it's already contracted to happen...but who the FUCK is that??
People know who Aaron Jones is, his lack of skills compared to others may be evident, even if he did kinda roll with Copycat for awhile....but at least they know HIS name.
I'm paired up with a cat...no pun intended...that promotes himself with TWO first names??
(Faces the camera again.)
Hey kid...if you're looking for a job, all you had to do was just call up Mike Mularkey in Jacksonville, I'm sure they could find something for ya, if you get what I'm tryin' to say.
The world isn't asking for a "waste of time", as you say...they wouldn't bother to begin with if they did, which is why Aaron Jones isn't for naught; at least the guy makes the EFFORT.
But you??
You're the latest "Scheme" waiting to make a name for himself in this business, the latest thing that thinks more of himself than what he is, and that's fine, that's what you do and you're not doing any better than "The Messiah" Sebastian Dodd or "Simply Wrestling" Andrew Rossi did either.
But Dan Ryan's made his money in Empire Pro based on good decision-making, judgement of talent and skill, and naturally...brash bold-faced aggression against an opponent.
And so far with you...as far as I'm concerned, two out of three ain't bad.
Now, just because you THINK you know me, and what I'm about...allow me to burst your bubble...SON.
You'd be better off embarrassing yourself with pissing your pants than to get a title shot this soon, because the fact is that you're not READY. Hell, Aaron Jones isn't ready and Dan Ryan knows that, which is why he didn't put the title on the line to begin with.
Other than that, it's simple logic kid. You and Aaron just lost in the tournament, and even if by proxy, so did First and myself.
Last I checked, two and two still equaled four; if First is going to have an opponent, at Aggression 71, then so am I. Unfortunately for me...I get some guy named Malcolm-Jamal Warner.
Cruise quickly holds up a finger)
Wait a sec...that's Theo Huxtable from "The Cosby Show".
See there, Marvin-Simon and Theodore?? Making mistakes already.
Wait...that's two-thirds of animated chipmunks, so that can't be right either.
(Cruise shrugs his shoulders)
Well, whatever it is, Malcolm-In-The-Middle, it doesn't matter much to me if I get your name wrong, because it's not important enough for me to get it right; what IS important, is that you show up to the ring and give me what you think you got is enough to get the decision.
Which...in case you haven't been paying attention lately, is gonna need to be a hell of a lot.
You WOULD be one to face Adrian or Rich, but outside of the fact that you're too proud to put the work in, you'd be right down there in the trenches with the rest of us.
Which is why I could give a shit about what your name is, Mason-Dixon Line, because you want more things handed to you than what you're willing to work for.
Think about it, "Buddy".
I'm a "company man" because I've busted my ass to receive the accolades I've been given and awarded. I didn't just EARN a few belts, kid; I won ALL OF THEM, sometimes multiple times, at that.
I didn't just "sell a few t-shirts" while traveling around the world doing what I do best; to honest...
(Cruise chuckles)
I GOT RICH, BITCH!!
And it wasn't the easy way, either. No, I did the "Boy Scout Way" and held on to it, invested it properly and produced dividends more than you can even imagine.
It's good that you call me Joey Melton's Bitch because were he even around to HEAR you say that...he'd have you on all fours barking like a dog before you know it.
Because THAT is how I'm respected around here, Mary-Lou.
I never asked for people to kiss my feet, or for women to bend over at the drop of a fork, like you seemingly like to do; that's not how things work around here.
Joey Melton can crack jokes here and there, because he knows I've earned the respect I've worked for over the years.
BEATING him does that for you, ya know.
Doing things that no other man in the company EVER HAS...will do that for you.
Not to mention will it help garner the Hall of Fame when I DO decide to hang it up, but I'm not looking to quit anytime soon.
But I'm glad you're bitter about my career, Mocking Bird, because at this point...I'm not.
I've been in Empire Pro since the BEGINNING, kid, and the fact that I ran the Gauntlet of Championships is astonishing to some--no--MOST people, in 8 years, that watch on a weekly basis. I think that's a fair assessment, no?? Now, was it MY fault, that I lost the one title I've had my eye on for so long in less than an hour after I won it??
'Course not, I was blindsided and cheated out of it.
But as I've said before...I'll fix that, starting at Aggression 71.
You know what a Grand Slam is, right, Mud-Butt?? By any version you can think of, anyone whose anyone will tell you first, that it's a reference to baseball.
A solo home run means you did something cool...but it only draws ire from people once.
So you bring forth something to stand out, something that supports you, and you do it again.
Then you add another, and then more people notice, when you do it a third time.
Load the bases...and THEN try it again, when it's nearly impossible to accomplish.
EVERYONE looks then, Mandy-Lynn, EVERYBODY.
Including jerks who don't know their place like you, all the way up to men who HAVE paid their dues, to men like Marcus Westcott and Joey Melton, men who HAVE made the Hall of Fame.
All of 'em, off the proverbial toilet, just to see the show.
You're a turd, McGruff, and I'm going to flush you down that same toilet, and forget about you the second thereafter.
THAT’S a Reality Check that you won't like...but I promise you, after what I've been through...
You're gonna get it, and a whole lot more.
(Cameron Cruise puts his hands on his hips and smiles, as he walks out.)
Mister Grand Slam...MISTER...Grand Slam....mis-TER Grand Slam....
FADEOUT