(Camera opens up to somewhere backstage at some WFW:NE event as Jared Wells is sitting in a corner messing around on his iBook. He is wearing sandals, jeans, black cut off BASTARD SON tee, hair styled, and has a draft beer in a plastic cup)
JARED WELLS: OH WELL HHHEELLLLOOOOO THERE!!! I was going to come LIVE TV today and talk about some things like the beer dick which is what Jared Wells experienced last night. Basically I got a good night of drinking in me and I was willing to hit it with any vagina. My fans already know this so I have no need to talk about that.
Almost Live. Black Dragon and GAMMA-O.
(Pauses with his arms crossed with a grin)
Let's face the facts here won't we? A stretchy rubber latex thing that can resemble anything, I mean monster, an animal, a crackhead for all I care. All I know is masks are usually used at Disneyland or at Six Flags for the kids. I hate to bring this up but I'm not ashamed of it but my younger brother Chris is gay. He's twenty five years old and one of the greatest guys on Earth period. In short, learning about and living with the fact that my bother is gay has not altered my opinion of him in anyway. He is still my brother. Always has been and always will be. Now, this is where he's a pain in the ass in life when he tries to ask me to come out with his friends to F(BLEEP)KING ORLANDO GAY DAYS. Every single year he tries to get me to go out with him and and his friends to Orlando for this yearly event. What is my answer like always? NO!!! I'm no a homophobe gay people have the right to be as miserable as everyone else. I'm am just I'm too damn ICONIC OF A WRESTLER to show up at an event like that. But sitting here thinking, I KNOW TWO GUYS that would love to show up wearing masks maybe holding hands? Not to say that here is anything wrong with that but they could be the STARS OF THE SHOW. Let's google this MOTHER F(BLEEP)KING event shall we?
(Jared then begins to type on his iBook to look up some information)
OOOOOOOHHHHH WELLLLLL!! Black Drago and GRAMMIE-O check this out. Tuesday, June 1st, 2010 you both can enjoy an evening at Saks Fifth Avenue in the Florida Mall as they all kick off GAY DAYS! OH LORD WHAT IS THIS? WWEEEEEEDDDNNEEESSDDAYYY!? Both of you can join host Risque Sommelier for LUSH-A-LICIOUS for some wine tasting with hors d'oeuvres. OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH WAIT! SKIP TO SATURDAY, JUNE 5th, 2010!!!!!! Bear Dance EuFURia?
(Jared then spins his screen over to the camera man as it zooms up)
Set aside all the jokes the fact of the matter is there is only one thing in this world that I want and that is the WFW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE. GRAMMIE-O, you dare to shove me aside so you could do your dirty work? The first thing I want to do is punch you in that bag of peaches and in the D(BLEEP)K, but before I do that let me tell you about JARED WELLS. TTHHHEEEEEE GREATEST B.A.D World Heavyweight Champion of ALL TIME. GOT IT? The last time you made my eyes water of boredom was when you claimed you were the DRAGON. They say the DRAGON is the beast of all beasts. But when your Jared Wells and you have to follow this act brother, its BALLS TO THE WALL. Forget about your OLD TESTAMENT talk pal, JARED WELLS has scribbled all that, urinated on it, and flew past the new testament. Wanna be the man to the world? Take the mask off, which you won't and in that case SHUT THE F(BLEEP)K UP!
Black Dragon, all you are is a mere tag along to GRAMMIE-O-DADDY-O. Your the MOFO who cannot take no for an answer and repeatedly follows him thinking your a big deal. Your no big deal, I am and you happen to be in a BIG DEAL match. God, I'm just waiting for you two to come out here and give the incomprehensible stream of the heavens, the gods, the dragons, the tea bags, who gives a damn. GRAMMIE-O tried to have a conversation with me last time and it made no F(BLEEP)KING sense what so ever. Complete babble I expect from you two. Next time I'll grab an eight ball and a happy meal with a dirty thirty, sit down and TRY MY BEST to listen to you guys.
And now that leads us up to the WFW Champion boys and girls, Mr Felix Red. It seems like everywhere I go, whatever I do or say the legend of FELIX RED never dies. Why would it? Jared Wells will never die, he plans on living forever. Felix Red, maybe there is a bit of respect I have for you? Call it comradery, call it nostalgic if you will the fact of the matter is I really really dislike the duo of the booby tassel wearing, masked freaks. One fact is you hold something that I've busted my ass for my entire life and never gotten yet. What I did at Unplugged was simply an insurance policy. Felix Red we once again side with each other for the first time in a long time. Pal, let's pull the guns, the dope and spread it all on the line once more. We prove to the world once and for all that these two masked freaks don't belong in the same ring with us.
They are billing this match Lumberjacks and Straps. From what I read Paul Bunyan was the greatest lumberjack of all time. The only thing I can think of is when a lady is giving me a Paul Bunyan, and thats by me grabbing her by the pigtails as her head bobs up and down. Forget the lumberjacks, forget the straps, forget grown men calling themselves DRAGONS! I'm saying GOODBYE to your careers with no sympathy, no boners, no tears, just RAGE.
(FADEIN: In a dimly lit room, a Samurai sword with engraved writing on the blade hangs from wire, edge pointed to the ground. It sways side to side, subtly, as a figure can scarcely be seen in the background. The figure moves toward the camera, coming more into focus with each step. It is GAMMA-O, shirtless, wearing a wood mask tied around his head. The wood is old, dried, looks tribal; on the front is a white painted ghost face)
GAMMA-O: For some, reality is but a dream wished true by force of will. A Frankenstein imagination; and it only drives forward, never retreating. Taking...everything from us, in retribution for it's very creation.
(Holds out palms, looking down at them left from right)
Am I real? Am I not? Am I fantasy...or nightmare...or plague...?
Yes, plague, I think that is what I am. A plague, Felix, is also like a monster. It searches, it locates, crawls up the spine, and stays there like a weight until the bones are broken into dust and swept away. You may have enemies, but they are not plagues. I am owed a birth-right which you irreparably destroyed...
You think you can swat me away with your American brand relativism, as if your lack of concern bothers me at all?
This is not an attempt at barter, or negotiation. Your attitude is not what brought me to these shores; I am not here to "bring you down a notch" as they say. I've come to erase you, Felix, and nothing short of that will satiate me.
As for your partner, the ladies man but somehow shockingly homo-erotic...Jared Wells? Well, they never do explain what happens to those objects lying in the road between the unstoppable force and the immovable object, do they? I believe they're called flack, Jared, and that's all you are. When I see you, I step over you to get to Felix. If you pull my leg, I crush you underfoot; it is an elementary equation, really.
My credentials simply do not match up, but then again...I'm not here to compare resumes. Nor am I here to "make a name." Truthfully, I have the name...
What I needed, was what came with it...
A chance at retribution, foiled...
A birthright, stolen...never again to be retrieved...
And yes, a night or two with your disgusting American women, so that I may dishonor them appropriately...
After all, the apple does not fall far, as they say...
(CUTTO: grainy black and white footage of Felix Red: hands plunged into denim jacket pockets, WFW title strap around his waist, black leather bondage pants, veeerrrry irritated scowl….)
FELIX: I think of “plagues” and I think of things like Ebola…maybe more contemporary examples like AIDS, and less scary flavors of plague like swine flu, bird flu, or SARS...Things that kill lots of people, or make lots of people sick, versus you, Gamma-O, who’s only interested in killing me. Not a whole civilizations. Not a few pockets of humanity. Not even two people. Just one. Me.
Weird choice of metaphor….don’t you think?
To the multiple choice question you posed, the correct answer was A: Fantasy. As in, a figment of your own imagination and a parody of yourself.
I really hate to be such a jerk and blow your entire masked-avenger of the night Batman routine, and maybe your indignation is righteous, maybe I did something really really mean to you and everyone should feel bad for you. Maybe you deserve a biiiiig hug.
But do you have any idea how many people want me maimed, crippled, destitute, eradicated, and forgotten from wrestling? From the world? Do you know why none of those people have made those things happen?
Because a lot of them are scared of me, and a lot of them….Well, hey, hypothetically it’s Mike Manson under the hood. It was either several years ago, or a few months ago, when last Manson and myself crossed paths. Didn’t go so hot for the one time Anti-Christ of wrestling. No...so...hot...at...all. Hypothetically it’s Doc Silver. F(bleep)king ditto. And now I get to tell people I’m the one who put Mike Manson and Doc Silver out of wrestling. I’m the one who made them ghosts. They used to be gods. Now I use them as an ice-breaker at parties. I use them to impress rats.
The worst case scenario of your story ends exactly back where it begins. Me, standing here, talking about you in the past tense. Tens of thousands of times, over and over, this ends badly for you, much better for me.
It’s called lucid dreaming, Gamma-O. You see reality for the joke it is, and then reality is at the mercy of your whimsy. And your whimsy has chosen…. me. And whatever empathy I might’ve had for your plight went out the window when you tied me up and punched me in the head.
You can’t shut me down, because no one can, because this dream is my world, and I decide when it ends. You can’t rest until I’m erased? That sucks, man. Sure hope things work out alright for you….(cackles) Well, no, actually I’ll see to it personally that things do NOT work out alright for you.
Meanwhile, there’s you, Jared’ums...Who’s sending me the mother of mixed signals. You hate me forever, then rescue me from the two masks, and we’re as good as drinking buddies again, but it’s only because when somebody takes the big shiny from me it’s got to be you and blah blah. New plan! Nobody waxes sentimental, I point you in the direction of the Yaoi Anime across the ring, I say “Kill, Rage, Kill!” and you do thusly. We’re copacetic?
(FADEIN: Black Dragon standing in the back area of an arena. GAMMA-O sits on some equipment boxes behind him.)
DRAGON: You know WFW:NE started back up...And I sent in my audition tapes, my highlight reel...The video package to show them who I was and what I'm all about...And I got nothing, no phone call, no e-mail. no letter...NOT A DAMN THING..And I look around the internet and I see the rumors...WFW:NE trying to lure Shane Southern...They are trying to get Doc Silver...They even drove down to a used car dealership in Maryland and tried go get dear old Richard Garfield to strap the tights on again...But he's to busy whoring himself out to other companies...
All of that...AND THEY DON'T WANT ME...King Krusher, they cut him a check, Jason Payne...Here you go...That disgrace to this industry known as Problem Child...HERE YA GO! HERE'S YOUR HIGH FIVE FIGURE DOWNSIDE GUARANTEE...But mee...I can't get my foot in the door, I can't get them to even LOOK at me...
But then I got a call from this man (Points at GAMMA-O)and he told me my past was meaningless...That my future was at his side...That he'd get me in WFW:NE...AND YOU BETTER SAY THE "N E" OR MANAGEMENT WILL COME DOWN ON YOU WITH THE FURY OF HELL...And he told me that this would all be possible...(Holds up a mask like the one he's currently wearing) if I put this on...If I SOLD MYSELF OUT...If I hid my face from the camera, became somebody I'm not...
And I thought this was cruel...I thought this mean spirited...(GAMMA-O nods) but no...Really, it was just a test, a test to see how badly I wanted to serve GAMMA-O...How badly I wanted to be in WFW:NE...and I passed that test, because now here I stand before you the Black Dragon...Here I stand before you the Hand Of GAMMA-O...Ready and willing to do whatever it takes to beat anyone who steps in the ring with us...
And that means for the unlikely duo of Felix Red and Jared Wells...A HORRIBLE NIGHT OF AGONY...Because this is all I have left...AND I'LL BE DAMNED IF I LOSE IT...
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