PaulNJ21
I shunned a voodoo witch, decapitated a black cat
BRANDON JACOBS: Finally, we are on to the final match round of Cherry Blossom Chaos II and it doesn’t get any bigger than Jared Wells defending his BAD World Heavyweight Title against Iron Lion.
JONATHAN MARX: Iron Lion has made some pretty strong statements lately, He even threatened to throw the BAD World Heavyweight Title into the Potomac.
VIC WATERS: Tell me Jonathan, how is Iron Lion a so called good guy when he has showed this much disrespect for the BAD World Heavyweight Title? A title which this league’s ancestry was built on…
JONATHAN MARX: Iron Lion doesn’t like the gang like tactics of LOVE and Wells’ social graces are a bit lacking. He said that it isn’t the belt but the man who wears the belt who makes it.
VIC WATERS: Lets go with Iron Lion’s way of thinking, does that mean that every time someone who doesn’t live up to his standard wins the title we should chuck it into the river and disrespect the legacy and heritage that preceded followed it?
JONATHAN MARX: Iron Lion did go a bit overboard on that.
VIC WATERS: Iron Lion doesn’t even care if he wins the title, boy, that is showing the BAD World Heavyweight Title a lot of respect, now isn’t it? Iron Lion is even worse than Jared Wells when it comes to respect.
JONATHAN MARX: Well…
VIC WATERS: What would your daddy, Wink, and the others in management think of Iron Lion chucking it in the river? Men who came from the NGEN and BAD…
JONATHAN MARX: They are all rooting for Jared Wells. But…
VIC WATERS: BUT NOTHING! Iron Lion is the evil one! He is no better than Jean Rabesque!
BRANDON JACOBS: Now come on, that is insulting to Iron Lion.
VIC WATERS: OK, fine, he isn’t that bad, but still… Rabesque did the same thing and we blasted him…. AND HE ISN’T EVEN IN THE COMPANY! Iron Lion should know better.
JONATHAN MARX: I have a feeling that when Iron Lion wins the title, despite all that he has said to the contrary, that he will return it to a level of prestige that even exceeds the WFW World Heavyweight Title. He is just upset with how he feels that Wells has mistreated the title. Sometimes you let your word get out of control, but I know down deep that Iron Lion means well.
VIC WATERS: Brandon, who are you rooting for?
BRANDON JACOBS: I remember as a kid watching young Manson win the BAD World Heavyweight Title. The first title that he had ever won and I remember the legacy of BAD. It is part of the reason I am here today. I’d really miss the BAD World Heavyweight Title if it was gone. It is part of who I am as a wrestling fan and a piece of me would be gone with it if something happened to it. But I can understand the frustration with dealing with LOVE the way they have been attacking people left and right, Wells is far from a model citizen, but there actually is a part of me who despite being part of a gang of thugs really likes him in my own way.
VIC WATERS: So you are leaning towards Wells…
BRANDON JACOBS: It doesn’t matter where my interest lies, Wells is going to have a hell of a time defending the title against Iron Lion. The guy is seven foot tall, muscular, agile, and a hell of a wrestling to boot. It isn’t like Wells can get himself DQed or win by count out, the only way he can beat Iron Lion is by pinfall or submission and even a pinfall will take a hell of a doing.
VIC WATERS: Bah, you have to believe, where would the Americans have been if they took that attitude against Russia in Hockey at the 1980 Olympic Games? I believe in Jared Wells.
JONATHAN MARX: You’ve believed in countless others who have done their share of losing too. Iron Lion is going to ascend to the top today by winning the BAD World Heavyweight Title and marching on to the top. Love him or hate him, the lion is ready to roar.
BRANDON JACOBS: There is only one way to find out what will happens, lets send this one down to ringside and get this one underway!
(CUEUP: “Is This The End” by Creed)
RING ANNOUNCER: THE FOLLOWING CONTEST IS FOR THE BAD WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE! Introducing first, from Anchorage, Alaska, a man focused on bringing honor, pride, and strength back to professional wrestling, IRON LION!
::Iron Lion walks down to the roar of the crowd and enters the ring::
(CUEUP: "Friday” by Ice Cube)
RING ANNOUNCER: And now the champion, the former three time WWL World Heavyweight Champion and current BAD World Heavyweight Champion…. “RAGE ‘O FIRE” JARED WELLS!
::Wells comes down to the ring wearing a vintage “BAD KICKS ASS” t-shirt with the BAD World Heavyweight Title around his waist to the cheers of the crowd and enters the ring::
CROWD: JARED! JARED! JARED! JARED!
JONATHAN MARX: Man, this crowd is bizarre today.
(CUEUP: “We Are The World”)
JONATHAN MARX: Uh oh…
:
ictures of poor starving African children come onto the Jumbotron::VIC WATERS: Shawn Kemp’s kids are in the HOUSE!
JONATHAN MARX: Quiet you…what the hell is this?!
::a terrified Sally Struthers comes out with a scrawny looking African child, then Anarky emerges through the curtain with cattle prod in hand for her into the walkway, she turns back to Anarky::
JONATHAN MARX: GOOD LORD!
BRANDON JACOBS: Wait a second, here comes Anarky, and who is that with him?
JONATHAN MARX: Oh my god, that is Sally Struthers and a little orphan child!
VIC WATERS: Sally Struthers, best known as the voice of Rebecca Cunningham from Tale Spin.
BRANDON JACOBS: ANARKY JUST ZAPPED HER WITH A CATTLE PROD AND IS FORCING HER TO SPEAK!
VIC WATERS: ::starts cracking up::
JONATHAN MARX: This isn’t funny damnit, Sally Struthers is a human being!
STRUTHERS: Countries such Botswana and South Africa have more AIDS patients every day, and children like this are born with it. Today, Iron Lion... YOU can make a difference. All you have to do is lie down and accept your surrender at the hands of LOVE... I can't read this!
BRANDON JACOBS: ANARKY JUST ZAPPED HER WITH THE CATTLE PROD AGAIN! Iron Lion is looking on with disgust.
VIC WATERS: ::continues laughing::
JONATHAN MARX: Drink your damned Poland Spring Water.
STRUTHERS: If you surrender, LOVE will donate 50,000 dollars to AIDS relief in Africa. Should you choose to stand and fight... you will single-handedly be responsible for the deaths of at least, oh, let's say... ten kids. VOTE REPUBLICAN!
BRANDON JACOBS: IRON LION IS YELLING AT ANARKY FOR TORTURING SALLY STRUTHERS AND THAT POOR CHILD! Wait a second, WELLS CHOP BLOCKS IRON LION FROM BEHIND RIGHT IN THE LEFT KNEE!
*bell rings*
BRANDON JACOBS: THERE IS THE BELL! The crowd is booing Wells for attacking Iron Lion! This must have all been a clever diversion in order to catch Iron Lion off guard. Anarky, Struthers, and the orphan boy are heading for the back.
VIC WATERS: This crowd sure turned on Wells fast.
JONATHAN MARX: It is these dirty underhanded tactics which make people hate LOVE.
BRANDON JACOBS: Iron Lion is on the ground grabbing his knee! JARED WELLS IS RACING UP TO THE TOP ROPE…. HE CLIMBS UP TO THE TOP…. BIG LEG DROP RIGHT ON THE HEAD OF IRON LION!
VIC WATERS: He clocked him with that one right in the head!
BRANDON JACOBS: WELLS IS GOING FOR THE COVER! 1------------------------------------------2------------------- IRON LION WITH A BIG TIME KICK OUT AND WELLS SOARS OFF OF IRON LION A GOOD TWO FEET IN THE AIR!
JONATHAN MARX: Damn! Iron Lion has a hell of a lot of power.
VIC WATERS: Iron Lion is no man to be messed with.
BRANDON JACOBS: Iron Lion is trying to get up, clutching the ropes. Wells is getting up…. WELLS CHARGES IRON LION AND WELLS AND IRON LION SPILL OVER THE TOP ROPE ONTO THE FLOOR!
JONATHAN MARX: Iron Lion crashed down hard on that bad knee when he toppled over the top rope.
VIC WATERS: Wells looked like he took a nasty spill too.
BRANDON JACOBS: Iron Lion is clutching his knee in pain! The ref is coming out to see if he wants to give up but Iron Lion is just telling him to get away from him.
JONATHAN MARX: Iron Lion is a tough individual. He really has take a couple of bad shots to his knee and he is doing his best to work through it.
BRANDON JACOBS: Wells is getting up and heading over for the steal stairs…. WELLS IS SEPARATING THE STAIRS IN ORDER TO GET A WEAPON TO USE ON IRON LION!
JONATHAN MARX: Wells could shattered Iron Lion’s knee if he dropped that on to him.
VIC WATERS: It is clear that Wells came into this match with a game play to work over that left knee in order to try to take the power away from Iron Lion.
BRANDON JACOBS: WELLS IS HEADED TOWARDS IRON LION AND THE REF IS TELLING TO PUT IT DOWN BECAUSE IRON LION MAY BE INJURED! Wells threatens to kick the referee and the ref moves out of the way…. WELLS GOES TO DROP THE STAIRS… IRON LION ROLLS OUT OF THE WAY BEFORE WELLS CAN MAKE CONTACT!
JONATHAN MARX: The ref may have saved him there.
VIC WATERS: The ref should stay out of this, this is BAD rules, anything goes.
BRANDON JACOBS: Wells is having trouble regaining his balance with the steel stairs in hand…. IRON LION GETS UP AND HE YAKUZA KICKS THE STEEL STAIRS RIGHT INTO THE FACE OF JARED WELLS WITH HIS GOOD LEG AND THE SUPPORT OF THE GUARDRAIL!
JONATHAN MARX: Down goes Jared!
BRANDON JACOBS: WELLS IS TRAPPED UNDER HE HEAVY STEPS AND IRON LION STANDS ON TOP OF THEM TO DRIVE THE WEIGHT FURTHER ONTO JARED WELLS’ CHEST!
VIC WATERS: Wells could very well break a couple of ribs this way.
BRANDON JACOBS: IRON LION LAYS ON THE STAIRS AND HE STARTS HITTING JARED WELLS WITH BIG OPEN HANDED SLAPS TO THE SIDE OF THE HEAD!
JONATHAN MARX: My god, can you hear those things?
BRANDON JACOBS: The ref is telling Iron Lion to get off of him and Iron Lion finally steps down. Wells pushes the stairs off him quickly and is trying rapidly to regain his breath.
VIC WATERS: Jared doesn’t look like he is in good shape.
JONATHAN MARX: He invoked Iron Lion’s wrath by that attack on his knee.
BRANDON JACOBS: Iron Lion isn’t giving Wells a chance to get up… IRON LION PICKS UP WELLS AND DELIVERS A TRIPLE RIB BREAKER RIGHT TO THE CHEST! Wells is hacking and coughing in an attempt to catch his breath.
JONATHAN MARX: Wells is in a deep hole that isn’t going to be able to get out of in his current condition.
VIC WATERS: Wells is a resilient fellow, but I don’t know how much more he can take.
BRANDON JACOBS: Iron Lion goes to pick up Wells off the mats at ringside…. IRON LION LIFTS WELLS UP IN THE AIR IN A MILITARY PRESS SLAM AND IS TELLING PEOPLE TO CLEAR OUT OF THE WAY…. IRON LION THROWS WELLS INTO THE THIRD ROW!
CROWD: BAD KICKS ASS! BAD KICKS ASS! BAD KICKS ASS!
JONATHAN MARX: Shades of GUNS right there, I should know, I had my butt kicked by him on many an occasion.
VIC WATERS: Some of the fans around Wells are cheering him telling him to get back up.
BRANDON JACOBS: IRON LION STEPS OVER THE GUARDRAIL AND HE IS TELLING EVERYONE TO GET OUT OF HIS WAY! Iron Lion picks up Wells off the ground…. IRON LION WHIPS WELLS INTO THE GUARDRAIL RIBS FIRST AND HE GOES UP AND OVER THE GUARDRAIL WITH HIS MOMENTUM!
JONATHAN MARX: I have never seen Wells getting beaten up like this before. I hope he’ll be alright even if I want to see Iron Lion win the title.
VIC WATERS: COME ON WELLS!
BRANDON JACOBS: Iron Lion steps over the guardrail and he picks Wells off of the ground and he rolls him back into the ring. Looks like this match will finally get order again.
JONATHAN MARX: Thank god, maybe this match can finally get back to wrestling instead of all this brutality.
BRANDON JACOBS: IRON LION PULLS WELLS INTO THE CENTER OF THE RING AND IS GOING FOR THE COVER! 1----------------------------------------------2-------------------------------------------- WELLS KICKS OUT!
JONATHAN MARX: We almost had a NEW BAD World Heavyweight Champion there.
VIC WATERS: Wells won’t go down without a fight.
BRANDON JACOBS: Iron Lion is going to the corner and he is climbing up to the top rope! This could be Iron Lion’s famous missile dropkick.
VIC WATERS: When a guy who is over seven feet tall and three hundred and sixty pounds, you have to take notice.
BRANDON JACOBS: IRON LION IS TRYING TO STEADY HIMSELF ON THE TOP ROPE WITH HIS BAD RIGHT KNEE AND HE IS PERCHED ON THE TOP ROPE AND HE IS WAITING FOR WELLS TO GET UP….
JONATHAN MARX: Wells is a sitting duck.
BRANDON JACOBS: Wells is trying to get back up but he keeps on stumbling, WELLS FINALLY STEADIES HIMSELF AND HE TURNS AROUND…. IRON LION JUMPS OFF THE TOP AND HITS HIM WITH THE MISSILE DROPKICK SENDING WELLS FLYING BACKWARDS TO THE GROUND!
JONATHAN MARX: That is the sweetest dropkick in wrestling today!
VIC WATERS: Wells took that right in the chest, if Iron Lion makes the cover, this should do it.
BRANDON JACOBS: IRON LION GETS UP AND HE GOES FOR THE COVER!
JONATHAN MARX: Wells is a bit too close to the ropes!
BRANDON JACOBS: THE REF GOES FOR THE COUNT! 1----------------------------------2------------WELLS SLIPS HIS FOOT UNDER THE BOTTOM ROPE AND THE REF BREAKS THE COUNT!
CROWD: JARED! JARED! JARED!
JONATHAN MARX: The momentum from the dropkick drove Wells back and thankfully he was able to get that foot under the ropes to break the count before the ref could make a three.
VIC WATERS: Wells has had a streak of good luck, but it can’t last forever, he has to make his move soon if he wants to win this one.
BRANDON JACOBS: Iron Lion is aggravated at himself…. IRON LION PICKS UP JARED WELLS AND PUTS HIM IN AN OVER THE SHOULDER BACKBREAKER AND IRON LION IS DRIVING THAT SHOULDER RIGHT INTO THE BACK OF WELLS!
JONATHAN MARX: Iron Lion is targeting the back in order to keep Wells from continuously kicking out.
VIC WATERS: Iron Lion is so incredibly smart, if he was a foot shorter, he still be a superstar.
BRANDON JACOBS: The ref is checking to see if Wells is willing to give up but he is screaming no repeatedly at the ref!
JONATHAN MARX: Wells may be better off giving up and trying to regain his title on another day.
VIC WATERS: It is good sound strategy, but when you are in the heat of the battle, all of that rationale goes right out the window. You live for the day especially when a title is on the line as important as the BAD World Heavyweight Title.
BRANDON JACOBS: IRON LION IS TURNING UP THE POWER ON THAT OVER THE SHOULDER BREAKER ON AND HE IS PUTTING ALL HE HAS INTO IT… WAIT A SECOND, WELLS IS TRYING TO BREAK FREE AND IRON LION IS TRYING TO HOLD ONTO IT FOR DEAR LIFE…. IRON LION FALLS DOWN TO THE MAT AND HE IS CLUTCHING HIS KNEE!
VIC WATERS: Holy ****, his left knee gave out! THERE IS A GOD!
JONATHAN MARX: Wells got a big break there from all that earlier worked he did thanks to Anarky’s distraction.
BRANDON JACOBS: Both men are down! Wells is trying to catch his breath and Iron Lion is clutching his knee. WELLS IS TRYING TO GET UP BUT HE IS GRABBING HIS RIBS IN PAIN!
VIC WATERS: Wells has to nut up and put all of that pain behind him but it is extremely hard when he took the beating that he did.
JONATHAN MARX: Both men are wrestling impaired…
VIC WATERS: Wells has far more experience at that… Wells advantage baby!
BRANDON JACOBS: Wells picks Iron Lion up by the hair…. WELLS STARTS WAILING AT HIM RIGHT HARD RIGHT HANDS RIGHT TO THE FACE AND IRON LION IS BEING MOVED BACK!
CROWD: JARED! JARED! JARED! JARED!
VIC WATERS: This crowd wants to see the monster slayed.
JONATHAN MARX: Iron Lion on one leg is still more dangerous than nine out of ten men. Wells better becareful not to over estimate his advantage or he’ll be toast.
BRANDON JACOBS: IRON LION CHARGES JARED WELLS AND HE SHOULDER BLOCKS HIM RIGHT IN THE CHEST AND JARED WELLS FALLS DOWN TO THE MAT!
JONATHAN MARX: Right into those injured ribs.
VIC WATERS: With his legs hurting like they do, it would have been impossible to deliver a kick without hurting himself.
BRANDON JACOBS: WELLS IS GETTING BACK UP…. IRON LION BOUNCES OFF THE ROPES AND TRIES FOR A YAKUZA KICK TO THE FACE OF WELLS BUT HE CAN’T GET IT UP HIGH ENOUGH BECAUSE OF THE INJURY AND WELLS CATCHES THE LEG! Wells is attempting to pick Iron Lion up….
JONATHAN MARX: There is no freaking way, Iron Lion is too huge!
VIC WATERS: TURN IT! TURN IT!
BRANDON JACOBS: Jared Wells tries to slam him down… BUT IRON LION FALLS ON TOP OF WELLS! The ref goes down for the count! 1---------------------------------------------2--------------------------------------- WELLS GETS THE SHOULDER UP YET AGAIN!
JONATHAN MARX: Both men are down on the mat, trying to catch their breath.
VIC WATERS: These two have been to hell and back.
BRANDON JACOBS: Wells is clutching his ribs…. IRON LION IS THE FIRST MAN UP AND HE PICKS JARED WELLS UP OFF THE MAT BY THE HAIR!
JONATHAN MARX: Jared’s window of opportunity may have just closed.
VIC WATERS: Bah!
BRANDON JACOBS: IRON LION WHIPS JARED WELLS OFF THE ROPES…. HE CATCHES HIM WITH A HIGH ANGLE POWERSLAM AND DRIVES WELLS INTO THE MAT!
JONATHAN MARX: This could be it!
VIC WATERS: Wells looks totally out of it, the back of his head hit that mat hard.
BRANDON JACOBS: Iron Lion looks down at Jared Wells… HE ISN’T GOING FOR THE PINFALL! Iron Lion is calling for the Pride Hammer! He isn’t going to take any more chances and is going to finish him with his best stuff.
JONATHAN MARX: This is a good call by Iron Lion. Wells has had a lot thrown at him already and has found a way out.
BRANDON JACOBS: Iron Lion is picking Jared Wells off of the mat…. JARED WELLS BITES THE HAND OF IRON LION AND IRON LION RECOILS IT BACK! Iron Lion kicks Wells right in the head and Wells falls down to the mat.
VIC WATERS: Usually lions are the ones who do the biting…
JONATHAN MARX: Jared Wells is desperate, he knows how close is to losing the BAD World Heavyweight Title and a wounded animal always does whatever it takes to survive.
BRANDON JACOBS: IRON LION PICKS WELLS UP AGAIN AND THIS TIME HE SUCCESSFUL LIFTS HIM HIGH IN THE AIR AND HE BEGINS TO RUN…. WELLS MANAGES TO BREAK FREE AND HE FALLS BEHIND IRON LION! Iron Lion plants his left foot in order to stop his momentum… IRON LION GRABS HIS KNEE IN PAIN AND FALLS DOWN TO THE MAT!
JONATHAN MARX: Iron Lion did that on pure instinct.
VIC WATERS: Wells has chance, now he has to cash in!
BRANDON JACOBS: Wells rushes over to Iron Lion… WELLS DRAGS HIM TO THE CORNER AND HE MANAGES TO LIFT IRON LION UP AND SET HIM ON THE TOP TURNBUCKLE!
JONATHAN MARX: What is Jared Wells doing here?!
VIC WATERS: I don’t know, but he just looked up at the sky and did sign of the cross.
BRANDON JACOBS: JARED WELLS IS CLIMBING UP TO THE SECOND TURNBUCKLE AND HE TURNS AROUND… HE IS LIFTING IRON LION ONTO HIS SHOULDER…. OH MY GOD! RAGE BOMB FROM THE TOP ROPE ON IRON LION!
CROWD: BAD KICKS ASS! BAD KICKS ASS! BAD KICKS ASS!
VIC WATERS: YES!
JONATHAN MARX: I can’t believe what I just saw!
BRANDON JACOBS: Jared Wells hooks the injured left leg of Iron Lion and the ref goes down to make the count! 1---------------------------------------------------------2------------------------------3! JARED WELLS DID IT! JARED MANAGED TO BEAT THE IRON LION!
RING ANNOUNCER: The winner of the match…. AND STILL BAD WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION…. RAGE O FIRE JARED WELLS!
BRANDON JACOBS: The ring attendant hands Jared Wells the title and he kisses it before rolling out of the ring. Iron Lion doesn’t seem happy.
JONATHAN MARX: Iron Lion controlled most of the match, but Wells kept on find ways to escape the wrath of Iron Lion. This is one of the biggest upsets I have ever seen. I know Jared Wells is the BAD World Heavyweight Champion, but beating a man the size and skill of Iron Lion is a tremendous feat. I have a feeling things aren’t over between these two either.
VIC WATERS: ::lifts his Poland Spring bottle in the air:: Jared Wells we salute you! ::Vic chugs down a quarter of a bottle::
BRANDON JACOBS: Folks, we have to take a commercial break, but when we comeback, it is time for FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE ON THE MALL II! STAY TUNED!