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DEFCON ARC DISCUSSION THREAD -- FEED YOUR BACKS!! UNCUT #11 IS LIVE!!

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BoEd

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Re: DEFCON ARC DISCUSSION THREAD -- DEFtv 66 IS LIVE!

Night 1

Opening of the show was great hype for what was to come, but I think there could have been a bit more hype about the returning tag titles.

The match itself is exciting to read, and though I was rooting for the RCR(No offense Billy!), that ending was awesome.

Nice seg from Reaper, and it seems like he has his sights set pretty high to kick things off.

Another match and it looks like I'm going to have to come with it to get on par with you match writers because the pacing and suspense is on point. Nice win from Kendrix to keep the SEG rolling through the night.

Curtis Penn is DEFIANCE. And now I know, and knowing is half the battle. Like this seg, really shows how he feels about not only Impulse, but other additions to the roster as well.

Harmony put up one hell of a fight, and I'm sure she is going to be feeling it for a long time, but that big hug at the end says it all.

Good seg from Natas, I like his no nonsense, do away with the bullshit amd let's fight attitude. Then match of the dam night happens and I cry thinking about how much I'm going to need to work to keep up my end in that category. The story this match told was awesome, and big props to Natas for the win.

The seg from the SEG really showed more of the same consistency that they address known for, because they entertain for sure.

Loved the hijinx from SEG getting around being banned from ringside, and it results in a clean sweep for the Sports Entertainment Guild on their way to DEFMAX with some momentum.

Video package was great and really added to the feel of a real main event that you're pumped up to see how it will all end. And the match really sold it all and left you feeling that it shouldn't be over, but it quite possibly may be. Then you have the sprinkling of what's to come for Box in the near future.
 
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Murrr

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Re: DEFCON ARC DISCUSSION THREAD -- DEFtv 66 IS LIVE!

I didn’t check for typos before posting this. Don’t care :).


NIGHT ONE


RAIN CITY RONIN VS. POP CULTURE PHENOMS VS. THE ANGEL CITY EXXXPRESS
Ayyy, my boy Klein is slowly growing that confidence. Presenting a cheese platter for The Faithful? Solid ring entrance. I also like how the crowd have cottoned-on to the fact that the PCPs absolutely hate being touched by poors, and therefore do it at every opportunity. Nice little characterisation touch there.


The D’s early shenanigans were fun. I hated the brief segment with Kerry and Rocko fighting each other, though. A referee cannot disqualify a wrestler for inactivity, so why would they even think about going at it? Yes, okay, they were both the legal men, and they’re both stern fighting types, but I don’t understand why they’d risk doing damage to one another and not just try to tag someone else in immediately. The the PCPs weirdly fighting each other later-on. I genuinely do not understand this, guys.


There’s lots of daft comedy peppered throughout the match, which is pretty much what I expected. PCPs and ACX are ridiculous in the best kind of way, and the RCR are an excellent foil for both teams. This is the kind of match that I’d probably despise in real life, but am generally entertained by in efeds. Comedy is very subjective but I think you guys do a good job of consistently entertaining the vast majority of the roster. That being said, I would’ve liked a few more wrestling sections. Personal preference, and I know it’s difficult with the PCPs involved, but joke after joke after joke can start to get a little tiresome by the end.


I also like the way the action is written, particularly the shorter, snappier sentences. Things like that add a real sense of urgency to a match, which essential for ties like this, where the emphasis is on the action rather than the psychology.


For the most part I think this was a pretty solid match. The ending left me very cold, though. For a start, if all it took to one this was one partner lying down for the other, why wouldn’t RCR have done it when they were in the ring together, or ACX for that matter? Really doesn’t make any sense to me. Yes, the shenanigans are an effective heat cannon for the PCPs, but I genuinely cannot fathom the logic in this. There’s no way a referee can disqualify one wrestler for refusing to engage with another, and if that’s the stipulation, it’s a really daft one.


The match also finishes very abruptly, with little to no announcer reaction, and a harsh transition into the next segment. Sorry guys, but this match ended on a huge downer for me.


FACING THE UNKNOWN
Reaper has made the kind of start in DEFIANCE that reminds of the day Mikey Unlikely walked through the door and wrote all of the things on all of the shows. It’s really great to see a new guy getting so heavily involved before he’s even started a feud. Such efforts will go a long way here.


Anyway, the segment itself is pretty strong. I mentioned this in the UNCUT feedback, but I think you’ve done a good job of establishing Reaper’s ambiguity without being too vague or wishy-washy. You’ve been able to feed us tiny little scraps of information to keep us satiated until the next segment, which indicates a strong knowledge on how to plot and pace a story. I’m hooked on Reaper’s weird little quest already.


I enjoy the dynamic between Reaper and Terry. Terry is balanced, down-to-earth, and wise. He speaks calmly and logically, whereas Reaper feels a little more impulsive and erratic. I like that there’s already tension between them, though I’m very curious to see where it leads. At this stage, I think that some roster members *might* be able to guess the target’s identity, you’ve done a good job of not giving too much information away.


I was slightly taken aback by the closing dialogue section, though. Who was Reaper talking to here? Terry? Himself? The viewer? That was a little jarring, but maybe that’s the point. Bringing-up Penn and Impulse felt kind of random, too. I understand that he’s ruling Impulse out as a target, but the lead-in was cold. Again, maybe that’s the point.


KENDRIX VS. LAR
Kendrix’s ring entrance was good, but LAR’s was a little threadbare. An immediate question of balance, there. I would’ve also preferred a stronger introduction from the announcers: frame the match a little, recap the feud, talk about what LAR needs to do to overcome this obnoxious little shit tonight. Setting the scene is super important, IMO.


I enjoy the way the action is written. Very clear and precise. Good description of small little movements, yet none of it was wasted. This is a great way to help the reader visualise what’s going-on inside the ring. Excellent stuff there: no complaints at all.


The announcers are an issue for me. I’m aware that this is something that comes with experience, but what we have here are big paragraphs of action broken-up by the odd line or two from Keebs and Angus. There’s not much interplay between the two of them, neither are really going into any great detail to sell and explain what’s going-on in front of them. I think this is something that the fed has a problem with as a whole, so it’s certainly not just specific to this match, but it’s here, so I need to mention it (otherwise I’d be giving useless feedback).


Work on spacing things out a little better. Gimme some of those trademark Angus quips, and have Keebs get all Mauro Ranallo on our asses. Angus used to be a professional wrestler, too: he’s mostly going to sit there and bemoan everything Kendrix does, but his experience can also be used to explain exactly why certain moves hurt, etc.


I don’t care for the earlier finisher. I get that LAR was trying to put a quick beating on the guy, but a couple of minutes is far too soon to be pulling-out what is essentially a Burning Hammer, IMO. This is the kind of move that should be built-up to, and it’s not like a Superkick or Cutter than just be hit out of nowhere. It’s a move that takes some time to set-up and execute. Kendrix recovered from it very quickly, too. This is one of the most devastating moves in wrestling: sell it as such.


The match got more enjoyable for me once we got beyond those things, however, and Kendrix starting behaving like an annoying little prick. Loved the “who put the post there?!” line, and him targeting the arm is just classic heeling. Both characters came-off pretty strongly, and hey, the announcer/action balance improved when the action was restricted to smaller paragraphs. This appeared to switch around about the halfway point.


A few things to work on, but this was a good match. The announcer’s selling after the pinfall as good, as was JFK’s beatdown of LAR. I want this guy to get smacked in the mouth very soon.


ENDING OF A YEAR
It wouldn’t be a DEFIANCE PPV without a fire Curtis Penn promo. I’ve been interested in the character’s development lately. When all the ex-UTA guys flooded-in, Penn was paranoid about his place in the pecking order, and tetchy as hell. He came-off close to unstable at times, and it was a cool little way to approach to sudden influx. Now some time has passed, and he’s shaken away some of that tetchiness. Penn’s a lot more driven, and focused on what he needs to do, which makes him genuinely threatening here. He’s still pissed, but he’s found a way to focus it on his opponents, and tomorrow night, Impulse is gonna get it.


Particularly enjoyed the line about breaking-in a new puppy. It’s the best kind of heel promo for me, because Penn is absolutely sickened by Impulse’s presence, and he’s out to wipe him off the face of the Earth. Moreover, I absolutely believe every word that’s coming-out of his mouth.


Great stuff all-round. Penn, as one of the most tenured characters in DEFIANCE, feels like a strong main eventer at this point. Jon has been doing awesome stuff lately and regardless of how the match turns out, I’ve got a feeling we’ll be seeing Penn in a bigger spotlight very soon.


HARMONY VS. FRANK DYLAN JAMES
For some reason, I started-off not really feeling some type of way about this match but I really started getting into it as Harmony ramped-up the intensity.


This match is really, really well-booked. It’s almost perfect. I think that with the way the feud was set-up, both wrestlers’ opening gambits were gonna be interesting. Frank doesn’t really want to batter Harmony, but she’s so wound-up that he doesn’t really have a choice. It’s been an interesting angle all-round, particularly with Harmony getting so upset. What she interprets as “misogyny” is really just Frank being Frank, so while it’s kind of hard to dislike the big oaf for it, she’s absolutely right to be hacked-off. Really interesting dynamic. Good storytelling, and I think Harmony comes out of the feud looking very good.


I enjoyed the way she just chipped away at the dude. At the start, it’s like she’s flicking pebbles against a wall, particularly with the chops. Then she gets more and more assertive with it, and as she becomes a bigger pest, Frank has to up his own aggression. Just when the big guy’s like “fuck this all-together,” though, Harm grabs the stick and digs herself the biggest hole imaginable. Harm came with some real nastiness on the microphone: not sure if that was intentional or not, but it was probably required to convince Frank to come back to the ring.


The strong momentum continues when these two actually start wrestling. Harmony takes a whooping, but gets back into it with some quick tinylittlehumanbeing moves, although I would’ve liked a little more urgency in the writing through her shine period. Shorter sentences, quick descriptions, lots of gasps and emotions. Harmony’s gotta know that if Frank recovers and flattens her, it’s over, so a little bit of desperation here would’ve gone a long way.


Lots of heart in Harmony’s comebacks, even after some hellacious punishment from Frank. That goes a long way. I love that even after beating the snot out of her, Frank just throws her out of the ring, but is Harm getting counted-out? Hell fuckin’ naw. Really great stuff.


One thing I hated was the arm-drop spot when Frank had her locked in the bearhug. That’s some silly Hulk Hogan 80’s bollocks and one of my least favourite wrestling spots. Personal preference, but yuck.


Technical quibbles: some big blocks of action that could’ve used more announcer chatter, yadda yadda. See my comments on other matches.


Other than that, a very good match owing mostly to the way it was set-out and paced. I really think that telling a good story is the most important thing in any match, not the spots or the fancy writing or whatever. Good job, guys.


NOTHING
I wrote.


JASON NATAS VS. SEAN JACKSON
I wrote. Shame I didn’t get much of a chance to work with Mike, but life happens, and I’m very grateful that he let me use Jackson to complete Natas’ redemption story. I’ve been plugging away with this angle since October. It’s the kind of story I’ve wanted to tell for a long time, and after years of farting around with this character in various feds, I’m glad to finally have done something significant with him. I hope you all enjoyed it, and found it to be a satisfying blowoff.


IT HAS TO BE SAID
Really good start to this segment, Steve. I think I’ve said a few times that Kendrix benefits immensely from his association with Mikey Unlikely, whom I perceive to be the best heel in the fed at the moment, but he’s really starting to strike-out on his own at the moment. It’s great to see. I love the fact that we’re able to hate this guy for his own douchey tendencies now, and not just because of the company he keeps. Kendrix is just an obnoxious little ratbag and I think he’ll be a big hit throughout DEF*MAX, and the rest of his singles career.


It’s so important that he’s developing his own identity. As it stands, The Hollywood Bruvs are probably going to work more as singles wrestlers than a tag unit. They’re not always going to be in the ring at the same time, and they need to get over on their own. Both are doing a good job of that at the moment.


The the PCPs just show-up and act ridiculous and all is right in the world. Top seg.


MIKEY UNLIKELY VS. ANDY SHARP
I definitely feel that this lost a lot of juice through the paucity of Sharp’s appearances in recent weeks, but I get it. I’m still looking forward to the match, and hey, what a great lead-in from the commentators. Good summary of the night’s action thus far and it really hammered the SEG’s dominance home, which I’m still surprised about. I don’t think there’s one fully-functioning human being in the entire group.


Man, get the fuck outta here with this ring entrance. How the actual shit do you come-up with this stuff? It’s completely absurd. I mean, I expected something totally nuts, but not a goddamn POKEBALL. It’s entirely too long, which makes it absolutely perfect. Little more commentary during the final section would’ve been nice, but it’s not a major gripe.


Struggling to pick-out any major flaws with this one. I like how the action was paced, I like how both characters came across, I like how the commentary was used in-place of the action every now and then. Good heeling from Mikey throughout, with the flaps and the shit-talk. Particularly enjoyed the spot with mikey look around with his homies, only to be reminded of the “no interference” gimmick.


I think that the video interruption was an outstanding way to work around the lack of interferences. Really crafty stuff from the heels there. That said, I think it went on far too long. All Kendrix really had to do was appear on the screen and distract Andy with a quick “oi, mate.” It felt like Sharp was sitting around for at least a minute before anything really came of this, and it would’ve benefitted from some trimming, for sure. Distraction, roll-up, wham, done.


Post-match was fine, too. Sharp eats the injury and the faces come down for the save. At this point, I’m really pining for some comeuppance for the SEG, and I just can’t wait to see all of them get punched in the face simultaneously.


BOX/DEWEY VIDEO PACKAGE
Brilliant summary of the Box/Dewey relationship. I love the way you guys have incorporated so much history into the feud. For new readers, it can be pretty intimidating reading a feud like this. I include myself in that bracket, because while I’ve been here for a few arcs now, I’m nowhere near as familiar with the these characters’ history than some of the old heads around here. What you’ve done, however, is provide a shining example of how to refer to past events as a means of pushing the story forward, rather than a clutch. This was such a good segment, and I particularly loved the innocence coming-out of young Dewey here. Great, great, great.


BRONSON BOX VS. EUGENE DEWEY
Probably my most-anticipated match of either show, I’m not gonna lie.


The video package negated the need for a lengthy announcer lead-in. It told you everything you need to know. Love the special attention given to both entrances, even Box’s stripped-down approach. It’s a big show, and it demands little switch-ups like that.


Fucking LOVE how this thing starts. Bronson Box doing a goddamn suicide dive through the ropes, and the match kicks-off at 100mph. There’s absolutely no fucking around here. Big-match feel straight out the gates.


There’s a little discord between DEFsec’s reaction to the crowd spot in this match and in Cayle vs. Dane on night two, but whatevs. Nobody was to know.


Can’t not mention my perceived commentary/action balance issues after harping-on about it in earlier matches. Not gonna expand on it again, though.


Alright, this match is a fucking mess. The best possible kind of mess. What an absolute maelstrom of violence, ads. It’s the little touches that make it for me: things like the crowd catching Dewey when he falls from the roof, and Box soiling a certain t-shirt before rubbing it in his foe’s face. The intensity of this rivalry is reflected in the match, and while I’ve never been big on this kind of all-out arena brawls in real life, I absolutely love reading them in this format, particular when the description is this damn good.


Also like how the match started with an absolute shellacking from Box. What a great way to immediately build sympathy for Eugene, and have him fighting from beneath from the match’s very first minute. He gets back into it eventually, though. Eugene comes-off as a really endearing babyface, even when he’s lashing-out at Box with a Singapore cane. I’m kinda sad I wasn’t around for his face run, now.


The Faithful were really strongly characterised here too. Their thirst for violence over all else came-off really strongly throughout.


Very strong match, boys. You killed it here. Great pacing, great execution, and a very fitting blow-off for the feud. I think the obvious booking choice here would’ve been to have Eugene complete the redemption arc by going over: instead, he does it by exhibiting a ridiculous amount of heart, and forcing Box to use a move that doesn’t even belong to him to put him away. What a great story, guys.
 

Evan H.

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Re: DEFCON ARC DISCUSSION THREAD -- DEFtv 66 IS LIVE!

DEFCON, Night 1 feedbacks...

RAIN CITY RONIN VS. POP CULTURE PHENOMS VS. THE ANGEL CITY EXXXPRESS


I know writers vanishing without explanation can suck the wind out of your sails like nothing else as far as this game is concerned, so on that alone I wave a lot of the really heated criticisms. This was supposed to be a shared project and it ended up being a 2.25 man gig… the .25, obviously being me. ACX was always me and Justin, I agreed to handle them alone… yeah, it ended up being too much. Between organizing what I’m going to start soon w/ BRAZEN and finishing up my feud with Damien this became my last ewrestling priority and for that, I apologize. The end is indeed convoluted on a Russo era WCW sort of level… but that’s wrestling, it’s contrived by its very nature. A weird ending doesn't take away from a very well written match, especially considering the amount this arc / booking had to be edited / changed around.


I personally think there’s a rare opportunity to do something fantastic with the tag division if folks agree to help out. We have fantastic chickenshit heel champs and a couple dedicated teams. Add in a teams that can be formed with existing friends / even enemies depending on what's going on in other arcs, maybe a few BRAZEN teams… I’d love to see some real movement from folks to take the bull by the horns and create some fantastic stuff for us to read and enjoy with this tag division. The opportunity's on the table, just gotta grab it and run with it.


FACING THE UNKNOWN


Here’s why this madness is working so well for me. A. you’re putting forth so much effort, like honestly this is someone throwing themselves into our little world right here and B. it’s not spookiness just sitting there yakking at us… you have this normal retired wrestle-guy and his exhausted glances at the camera when his well intended advice just falls on the absolutely deaf ears of Reaper. Reapers dialogue is so kooky and theatrical and… like, all over the place. Without that interplay with Terry I’m not sure it’d work as well. But as a duo, the way they each play off each other really helps in “setting up” Reaper is a real character for me. I’m honestly fascinated to see where you’re going with all this. This weeks long slow burn introduction you’re doing is exactly how you “play” our game. Good writing, good characterization, and you’re obviously having a lot of fun. I can’t wait for DEFtv 69 to see this arc (whatever it is) play out.


KENDRIX VS. LAR


Murr really covered a lot of what I’d mention. The lack of… well, HYPE. This match needed something to get the reader ramped up and it just wasn’t there. I don’t have as much of a problem with LAR breaking out giant power moves early on as it seems to be his schtick / we STILL DO have a division based around quick and brutal matches so stylistically it fit, I think. But Murr’s criticism of the sort of “obligatory announcer patter” being used more as a line break than a storytelling device is spot on. Keebler is Mike Tenay… straight laced announcer man, he’s the main mode of explaining maneuvers. Angus is the most important / most useful character in the entire fed. When you establish a relationship between your character and Angus it’s like an announcer chit chat cheat code. A good match that really served Kendrix well. Like I’ve said, as much as I love the Hollywood Bruv’s I can’t wait to see JFK shine on his own. Endless singles heel potential, just like Mikey.


ENDING OF A YEAR


I can’t tug on Jon’s pud anymore than I do. I’ve said it before many many times Penn is my favorite character in DEF and this is where he shines, straight up old school promo cuttin’ time. I’ve mentioned this before but it begs mentioning for the new eyes in the fed. When I found ewrestling in the early 00’s the VERY FIRST feud I had was over the HCWF TV title in the old NeWA against Jon’s character Mike Sloan (who acts DEF’s head road agent, by the way) so to see Jon still producing killer promos like this with a character this fresh and spot on. I know a lot of what’s in store for PENN, and I couldn't be more excited to see Curtis’ character arc going forward into the next few arcs. Great stuff man… though a certain Scotsman might have something to say about that last line… no, not that Scotsman… the other one… the OTHER, oh nevermind…


FRANK DYLAN JAMES VS. HARMONY


Firstly I loved the subtle build in this angle. The whole premise of the thick headed but good intentioned good ol’ boy grappling with ideas of equality and feminism was absolutely original, and RISKY from a storytelling standpoint. Especially dealing with two babyfaces. I think you guys handled it beautifully and managed to carry that idea through the whole arc, never losing the thread once. That alone shows the level of writing talent we’re dealing with. That being said, the match itself… the tone was a little off? The size and style differential needed to be turned WAAAAAY up to eleven, Harmony needed to be a little more frantic / desperate, especially when she manages to claw her way on top. Harmony is a classic underdog and considering she was in there with the barefoot the Hills Have Eyes extra looking current reigning “murder you with my bare hands” title holder… I don’t know. Something never QUITE clicked with me. But it was very well written. I’m honestly okay with random bigger blocks of “action”... I know Andy seemed to grind on that a little, but for me little breaks where you don’t have Angus and Darren chiming in can be a welcome respite. Especially with a card this massive.


NOTHING


This is the sort of segment JFK / LAR needed. A little something right before that gets the reader primed for what they’re about to dig into. I can’t wait for the DOC stuff to re-coalesce and we can put a spotlight on Natas. Such a pitch perfect character for DEF. A babyface of a slightly different hue than your megastar Ryan’s and your squeaky clean Murray’s. GREAT promo. Makes me sad Mike had to duck out because even one sided this arc produced some good reads. The fact Andy has the time to write this many character at this level being as busy as I know he is currently, fuckin’ bravo dude.


JASON NATAS VS. SEAN JACKSON


Murr said all need be said. I think if Mike had been around and had the time to invest this would have obviously been that much better. But as it stands, this was a fine match that really sets the stage for bigger and better things for Natas. He’s going to be one of the cornerstones of the DOC as we establish it as a thing now that Frank/Harmony is concluded and DEFCON is in the bag. Let this match / arc serve as an example, in an angled fed even if someone has to step away… stories can be concluded, angles can be wrapped up. Mike put a lot of trust in Andy and the staff to bring Jackson’s run to a close due to family issues and that trust paid off in spades. This was good stuff start to finish. Hope someone send the links to Bell, I’m sure he’d love to read it.


IT HAS TO BE SAID


Goddamn love this stable so much, Jesus you guys. Continuing my thought from above. As goddamn great as the Bruvs are, it’s great when JFK and Mikey can each stand on their own as I see huge singles storytelling opportunities with both characters. Fantastic promo, that little bit of sincerity goes a long way, especially with how kooky S.E.G. seg’s can get.


MIKEY UNLIKELY (C) VS. ANDY SHARP


Mikey Unlikely is the Eva Maria of DEF. And what a wonderful reality that is. I could be really wordy and tug on your wieners for this whole match but I’ll keep the backs simple as this doesn't need much said. Absurd is the right word. Everything Mikey and the S.E.G. do is wonderfully absurd just in the best way. It’s like I said earlier, wrestling is at its heart a very contrived form of entertainment. Tropes built on top of other tropes. Sometimes contrived and… well, just plain fucking weird can play sooooooo well. The tag match, less so. Here? Fuck me to tears, guys. For someone to swing into DEF, totally grasp the concept of what DEF is and how we “interact with our audience” this quickly with this much style and humor is just bonkers. The palpable feeling of hatred from Angus and the Faithful you’ve been able to cultivate and convincingly portray for these four still relatively BRAND NEW characters to our game shows just what skilled writers you guys are. Bravo. Match / segment of night one, in my opinion.


Rest of it was me and Dames.


So, Damien is stepping away from the game for a spell. And it’s well earned considering how consistently over DEF’s history this dude has been there writing top quality stuff for this fed month after month after month. We all know how rare it is for someone that’s burnt out or whatever to hang in there and see stuff through. Dames’ has been running on fumes for a while now but still managed to show up throughout this arc and pump out top notch work, helping me TREMENDOUSLY by helping plot out and set up the flow of our match. It might have been the distracted leading the distracted with he and I and this arc but goddamn am I happy with everything. Seeing such a looooong term angle / storyline / feud / association get an end cap like this is really really satisfying, I have to say.


I sincerely hope we haven’t seen the last of Eugene or you Mr. Johnson, it’s been a HECK of a lot of fun my man.
 

John Doe

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Re: DEFCON ARC DISCUSSION THREAD -- DEFtv 66 IS LIVE!

I am lazy so I am not going to put a lot in regards to feedback., just overall thoughts.

The opening match:
I am a big fan of the Strawsma, kinda sad to see that he is MIA when I joined DEF. Always loved Rocco Daymon and Kerry. Overall I thought this match was good, it was paced well, there was a nice spread of comedy. The ending however was not what I was expecting and it made the match that was going well end flat. Possibly that was the entire point, to screw job everyone in a sense out of a legit finish but even then it didn't really work for me.

Facing the Unknown:
Nice mysterious segment from Reaper. I like that he has made the bits he has given us almost like riddles and filled with vagueness. That's until tonight when he name dropped a few people. What are his intentions? Who is Reaper and why is he so adamant of not even giving a hint of who he is?

Kendrix vs LAR
Great match. I enjoyed it a lot, anything with JFK is bound to be good. Pace felt good to me and the mid-air Bellend finish was truly satisfying. Even more satisfying was the chair beat down after.

Ending of a Year
As a new guy poking around and getting to know these characters I have to say Curtis Penn won my heart in DEF68 and again with this nugget. Definitely did exactly what it was intended to do and build up to night two.


FDJ vs Harmony
I really didn't know too much of the backstory with this match to be honest. However it was a good read and found myself following the story pretty easy and being an office hair cheerleader for harmony. I will harp on what Peter said which was the heel turn post match. Ever since he said that on radio it's been a in my head and it would have been really cool to see, especially with the build Harmony had in this match imo. Either way, it was a solid.

Nothing:
Nice segment to flow right into the next match. Enjoyed it, was short and did what was needed.

Nathas vs Jackson
Holy cow was this match long but amazing. I loved every bit of it, really showed the beast that is Jackson, especially when he goes to work the brace off. Was a strong a read and I was locked in the entire time, sad to see Mike go for a while. I say awhile because the itch will get him...it gets us all.

It Has To Be Said
Heels are awesome! The SEG are amazing, every personality feels independent but at the same time connected in this slew of douchbaggery. Perfectly placed hype piece to the many made of $$$$.

Mikey $$$$ vs Andy Sharp
Real clean and solid match, fuck you and your Pokeball though. Unlikely is easily the best heel in the fed right now and you can't help but hate him for almost everything he does. I thoroughly enjoyed the match and the ending wasn't too bad either, I didn't feel the video interruption was too long and it was different than the typical run in and interfere. So fresh, but could have used a little trimming. Still a nice and unique way to pull some shenanigans.

Box / Dewey Package
Again, new guy over here. Haven't really followed the story between these two or know much about them beyond what I have read in the bios. This did a great job of giving me a sense of what is going on and a small taste of the history. It wasn't too long which is perfect and flowed beautifully into the start of the match.

Box vs Dewey:
Wow. Everything seems to be hitting on all cylinders in this match, you can get a feeling for the tension, the pace, this was the match to end night one with a great high note. I enjoyed the arena brawling, makes me miss the old Smackdown games when you could walk up the ramp and then to a backstage area and all that jazz. Anyways, this match was awesome and kudos to the writers.
 
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Stalker

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Re: DEFCON ARC DISCUSSION THREAD -- DEFtv 66 IS LIVE!

First let me start off by saying that this card was absolutely massive, top to bottom enjoyable and really loved the fact that this is the very first PPV for DEFIANCE that I got to read.

RAIN CITY RONIN VS. POP CULTURE PHENOMS VS. THE ANGEL CITY EXXXPRESS

Good opening match. Really enjoyed The D looking for his 'fake' contact lenses. Pretending he couldn't see. It sucks knowing that the RCR are gone from DEFIANCE, but that ending was pretty funny. Considering how PCP constantly act it was a good overall showing of their elaborate antics and it helped them achieve a win here. Now the real question is, how long can they hold these titles and will there be anyone to step up and try to take them from the newly crowned champs?

KENDRIX VS. L.A.R.


I really want L.A.R. to win this match and put Kendrix in his place. Angus already complaining about the amount of SEG already seen on this card. Both competitors played to the crowd well in this one, obviously the crowd hates Kendrix, and for good reason. L.A.R. did his thing as well and the crowd ate it up. Couple of close pin falls and then finally Kendrix connects with the Bellend for the winner. I predicted Kendrix would win, but I didn't want him to. SEG is off to a strong start.

ENDING OF A YEAR


Really enjoyed this promo from Penn. There is a reason why he calls himself the #1 heel, he truly believes it and that makes his words and actions worth heeding. He's promised to take a year's worth of anger out on Impulse. I don't know if Impulse will be able to survive that much wrath.

FRANK DYLAN JAMES VS. HARMONY


Good start to the match, FDJ simply trying to get away from the match altogether but Harmony is unrelenting. I loved her persistence early on in the match and from what I read on the later part of this ARC this is starting to be a good realization of just how much FDJ doesn't want to hurt her but Harmony's insistence that she is a capable wrestler and can take him on. When Harmony dropped the bomb on him calling him a scared little, I immediately thought he was going to kill her.

FDJ tries to put a quick end to the match after the call out but Harmony just keeps kicking out even when it looks like she should be done for. Harmony takes control and for a little bit but it's not enough. FDJ settles her down and ends it with an Atomic Powerbomb.

NOTHING


Great promo work from Jason Natas. I am really rooting for the character in his match vs. Sean Jackson. Reading the recent UNCUTS and DEFtv's, Jackson has been on the upper hand. I think Natas is getting the win tonight and this promo made me feel even more comfortable with that statement.

JASON NATAS VS. SEAN JACKSON

Angus' reaction to Jason Natas' entrance was awesome. Really enjoyed it and it feels like it's going to set the tone for this match. Slime ball Marshall Owens make an impact already at the beginning of the match. I hope Natas bitch slaps that guy.

Really enjoyed the spot where Sean had Jason on the mat slapping him 'Is this it? Is this all you've got?' Very well done on the match writing, especially with Natas striking him with a nasty head-butt. The work that Jackson puts on Natas' knee is almost too harsh to think about. I'm not sure he's going to be able to walk again after this.

The writing in this match is pure awesome. Every moment detailed showing Natas' struggle especially when he was on the brink reaching for the ropes. I can't describe how awesome it was reading that. I'm assuming Murr wrote this match, and if so freaking amazing man. Now we are following up that amazing struggle with a couple of back and forth nail biting pin falls.

Then finally after one last act of desperation Natas drapes an arm over Jackson's chest and comes away the victor.

IT HAS TO BE SAID


Good promo work from the SEG. They are off to a great start on Night one and I have a feeling that Unlikely is going to come away as a victor tonight as well.

MIKEY UNLIKELY (C) VS. ANDY SHARP


“Fuck Your Entrance- Clap clap clapclapclap”

LMAO. Good start to Mikey's entrance followed by…. a fucking POKEBALL! Really Mikey? Really? My word…
I felt like Mikey had this in hand from the start even when Sharp was in control of the match. The dude is just on straight fire right now and I knew there was no way he was going to leave Night One as the loser in this match. No way in hell. Obvs I was right. Mikey got the victory and landed a cheap parting shot on Andy Sharp with the title belt.

BOX / DEWEY VIDEO PACKAGE


Definitely enjoyed this video package, gave a strange but cool glimpse in the Dewey/Box past. Now it's time for the main event.

BRONSON BOX VS. EUGENE DEWEY


Angus is really selling Box at the beginning, makes you feel in the moment of a man's career. Referencing the many matches they have called that he's been in. And right off the bat wow a surprising move by Box, diving through the ropes like that. To be honest I was expecting the match to start off with a lot more circling around and sizing each other up.

Not two minutes in and we’ve already got injured fans! FUCK yeah!

LOL! That was funny, but man this match is serious and to the point. I loved the commentary and the fact that security had to go out to the ring to protect The Faithful. Just shows you how much these two men HATE each other.

Please don't die! Please don't die!

Loved this match, it was a great main event. Very well written and honestly I was surprised that Box came off with the victory. Performing Andy Murray's finisher and winking at the camera… I have no idea what that meant unless Box is coming for Murray now. Sucks that Dewey didn't win though.

Overall this was an epic Night One. I really enjoyed it, it was a lot to read, take in and absorb and I'm only going to assume Night Two will deliver just as hard.
 

kendrix

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Re: DEFCON ARC DISCUSSION THREAD -- DEFtv 66 IS LIVE!

Night One Feedbacks, innit?!

RCR v PCP v ACE

Great to see the tag division start off the ppv and with the added incentive of gold on the line. Thought the tag interactions were done well. I'm not sure about the rules on whether participants have to engage before they can tag out but liked that the perception of the rules was explained during the match. Awesome finish, smart and uber heelish! Likes!

Facing The Unknown:

Really into Reaper and to be honest I have been since the first few segs on Uncut a few weeks back. Great interaction between he and Terry and I'm intrigued by this personal inner battle Reaper has going on at the moment. He's bringing something different to the table and I personally am super interested on who his target is.

Kendrix v LAR

I wrote this. Thanks for the feedback above guys. I will use take the positive criticisms on board in order to improve my use of the commentary team moving forward. Equally glad people liked the match too though. Still relatviely new to match writing so this all helps, thanks! SEG 2 and 0 so far!

Ending of a Year:

Curtis Penn with a nice background of his year in Defiance. Sets up his match with Impulse later really well. Solid Seg as always! Good to see DEFMAX ambitions dropped in there too.

FDJ v Harmony:

This match went the way I was expecting, but it was written so so well and I enjoyed reading it all. Harmony calls FDJ a pussy and pushes his buttons to finally give us a match. So many spots where it looks like Harmony is done but she doesn't give in. FDJ gets the win in the end but nice moment at the end where they have a good feels moment. Massive amounts of respect between the two, Harmony certainly earned the respect that's for sure!

Nothing:

Again, solid solid seg. Natas going through the differences between his and Jackson's style and backgrounds. This is all Natas has and you feel his passion for his career in this seg. Great pre-match set up.

Natas v Jackson:

Holy shit, match of the night so far for me. Just awesome stuff. Natas somehow digging deep to find something out of nothing after a helatious beating throughout the match by Jackson. Sad to see Mike leave us but hopefully this isn't the last we see of Sean Jackson, great character and Mike is great to work with. One of the best for sure.

It Has to Be Said:

I wrote this with the PCP boys. Hope everyone liked.

Mikey Unlikely v Andy Sharp:

Fuck you Mikey and that entrance! So so good. Me and Mikey talk about what we are doing for segs and matches all the time but I had absolutely no idea about the Pokemon Ball entrance. Amazing buddy! Great writing from Mikey as always, sets the pace of the match well and it looks like Sharp has this in the bag until the video interference. Heel finish before the faces come out to save Sharp. SEG 3 and 0 Bae Bae!

Box/Dewey Video Package:

Nice! This feud has had me hooked since i joined Defiance and I've sung praises about the work gone into this. This video package sums everything up perfectly and really like the direction it took. Only gripe is the choice of song...i hate that song, lol!

Box v Dewey:

Match of the night, as I expected. So much hype and work went into this feud in the build up for such a long time I worried that maybe the match wouldn't or even couldn't do it all justice but, for me, it absolutely nailed it. Loved the use of the "fight forever" chant cos that's how I felt at the time reading the match. Great job!

Well done everyone! DEFIANCE RULES!
 

Evan H.

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Re: DEFCON ARC DISCUSSION THREAD -- DEFtv 66 IS LIVE!

Night 2 backs. (part two or three of my feedback, lol)




IMPULSE VS. CURTIS PENN
Solid opener, don’t think Penn loses much in defeat considering how well the arc came off / future booking plans of which I’m aware. Possibly a little on the short side? I think this one got shut down before it REALLY got rolling.


SQUIDBOY
Fantastic promo, Andy having to proverbially slap his brother across the face to get him to focus up on the steep challenge ahead of him. They’re always so simpatico with one another, I like how taken aback Cayle is when Andy gets super serial. Great character depth displayed here.


SAM HORRY VS. MUSHIGIHARA
Again, a liiiiittle on the short side but not by much. Honestly a really fun well written match.


WHO IS L. BRUISES???
*single slow clap that bleeds into deafening applause from the whole audience*


ANDY MURRAY VS. BOBBY DEAN
Firstly, I’m glad Bobby isn’t painted as a completely helpless pleeb (thanks in part to AMurr’s existing injuries, but I just call that smart writing and well booked pro wrasslin) I hope to Christ whatever happens with BBD’s handler that Bobby can stay a set piece character in DEF for the long haul. Talk about a character with limitless, untapped story potential. Best match / segment that I’ve read so far on Night 2. It served it purpose and really continued the wonderful build towards Dane / CMurr.


ERIC DANE VS. CAYLE MURRAY
Killer card placement. No fiddle faddle, everyone’s present let’s get ‘er strapped on. I like the simple action description early on to sort of get across “this ‘aint any sort of technical wrestling / feelin’ one another out”... it’s a gorram fight. The intensity from the earlier seg / the last match / post-match is carried over really successfully in that way. The tone is pitch perfect, Dane moving forward like some sort of movie monster just utterly undeterred, Cayle just THROWING himself at Dane looking for a chink in the armor. Ugh, God I love CMurr’s hesitation, Dane capitalizing on Cayle’s humanity… shit what a match. (reacting whilst I re-read… long as fuck here guys, good goddamn)


Well damn. Yeah, I’m going to go ahead and do a part three to my feedback. Because if the main event even comes close to topping that… well fuck, man. Match/segment of the entire two night event so far. I’ll finish the main and feed that back as soon as I get a minute here today.
 

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Re: DEFCON ARC DISCUSSION THREAD -- DEFtv 66 IS LIVE!

VIDEO PACKAGE: SECONDS TO GROUND ZERO
I really hope, now with some good examples of how it can be done, we see more vignettes like this. Some people say due to this being a text-based hobby vignettes are impossible / too hard / can go off the rails too easily… I think Brunk and Lindz showed here you can really get majorly creative with “video packages” if you just take your time and really put your mind to it. I’m glad this was here, it carried over the intensity of the last match thanks to it not being a talky segment… if this had juked backstage it would have sucked a little of the energy out of the end of the card. Well placed, very well written.


DAN RYAN (C) VS. LINDSAY TROY
Before I lean into this, let me just say the build to this has been some of the smartest writing I’ve seen in DEF. Any wrestling promotion out there in the real world wishes it had this sort of character development (I’m lookin’ at you WWE)... the tale Brunk and Lindz have woven here between their legacy characters is one we’ll place up on the shelf along with all the rest of the incredible writing this place has produced over the years when we want to toot DEF’s horn and point and say “look, look at the incredible work we’ve done”... just a damn good story guys. The match wasn’t as “in your face” as the previous one, and definitely used a little more “psychology”... as much psychology is ever really used in ewrestling, lol. I like that there was a ton of nearfalls that weren’t last minute kickouts from megamoves, like I said “psychology.”


In the end I give storytelling points to Brunk and Lindz as their overall story and character development over the entire arc was better… but give the nod of match of the night to Dane/Squidboy, that shit was stupendous. But, to give the main event it’s due, that last segment? Goddamn WELL done last image for the PPV.


DEF, where the bad guy can and DOES win!


Stupidly good card, folks. Top to goddamn bottom. After a little juiceless period, my juices are flowing and ready for the next story arc. Bring on DEFtv 69.
 

kendrix

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Re: DEFCON ARC DISCUSSION THREAD -- DEFtv 66 IS LIVE!

Night 2 Feedback, innit?!

Impulse v Penn:

Good match, well written, just what I expect from these guys to be honest. Agree it seemed a bit short (not necessarily a bad thing, I just wanted to read more!). Nice touch with the interaction between Cally and Angus!

Squidboy:

Murrr, this was awesome. Big bro murr giving baby bro murr a hell of a talking to/pep talk. Really felt the sense of urgency here from Andy, trying to wake his brother up to the fact he's fighting Eric Dane and what to expect. Great seg, for me, the best one over both nights. Really liked it.

Sam Horry v Mushigihara

Solid match here guys. So much talent in Defiance right now and this match is up there as well. Learning so much from you all. Great pace to this and liked the show of respect from Mushi at the end.

Who Is L. Bruises:

Big LOLs! MASSIVE LOLS! This whole thing is ridiculous, in a good way, obvs! I am annoyed that the evil genius himself little bruises was never unmasked...the mystery continues!

Andy Murray v Bobby Dean:

Bobby got some offence in! Andy was always going to be in control of this one and he did what he said he was going to do. Then BAM...here comes Eric Dane!

Cayle Murray v Eric Dane:

This...Was...AWESOME! So much build up went into this, great build up, for weeks on end. This had to be great...and it delivered. Seriously hooked on every word. Normally, I would say that this match went on for far too long BUT I think that this had to be as long as it did because of what was at stake for both these wrestlers. This was a statement match and Cayle Murray has pulled off one hell of a win here. Amazing stuff guys.

Video Package: Seconds to Ground Zero:

Love these video packages, seriously want to see more of these done. I did one once over at UTA and it was different and fun to write. This was great for me to get to grips with the whole story between Troy and Ryan (relatively new to Defiance so I wasn't aware of the whole history so this was a good sum up for me which built the title match up even more than it already was for me).

Dan Ryan v Lindsay Troy:

As with Cayle and Dane...this was awesome guys. From start to finish. Dan Ryan is a sick fucker. Great touch with commentary going dark at the end and the look on the faces of Andy Murray, Evans and Cally. This was soooo good, did the rivalry here more than justice.

Overall, DEFCON was amazing, from start to finish, there wasn't anything I didn't like. So much writing talent in this fed. Proud to be a part of this guys. Well Done all!
 

MikeyUnlikely

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Re: DEFCON ARC DISCUSSION THREAD -- DEFtv 66 IS LIVE!

The Rundown-
Love the fact that Angus is in a tshirt. He gives no fux when it comes to appearances. “Utah imports. Some are GREAT… aaaaaaand some are Mikey Unlikely” I LOL’d on this line… but this makes me wonder… how many UTAH imports are left? (since this is post DEFCON and we’ve lost a few I think the list is quite short… Mikey Unlikely, Cayle Murray, Kendrix, Cecilworth? Im not counting Justin for OBVS reasons, nor Pete who brought in a new character. I think we are down to 4! (Excluding Perfection who is yet to debut) Crazy. It's been a hectic past 5 months but it's been a blast! I’m glad (even if you’re not) that I’m a survivor! The card for night one is stellar, and features a lot of SEG and some grudge matches im excited about. LETS GOOOOOOOOOOO!

TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH -
This should be a great matchup, even before this gets started I think all three teams have done a great job establishing themselves in this past arc. PCP are soooooooo annoying (awesome!) and RCR are soooooooo serious…. Then there is ACX the facey comedy relief mixed with veteran “wrestlers”. Its an odd pairing, but very well built. The PCP entrance is fun with the tear away dress clothes. RCR is basic in theirs, which is to be expected. I thoroughly enjoyed the early chain wrestling, it was written less wordy than most and still made sense. The D’s contact spot is good and so is tagging in the partner right away. These two MUST go at it, and of course two respectful faces do just that. HAHAHAHAHA i just cried at the pick 3 spot. Amazing ball sweat making it onto air twice in the first match. The commentary was geared toward more entertainment than telling of the story, and that's probably the right call. Enjoyed Angus in this one, and DDK tripping up over Angus’ stuff. Really liked the tag stomps by PCP that's a cool unique signature. The only confusing thing is when the D pops mahogany on the jaw for the tag, and Mohagany doesnt even flinch… he just hits on a girl. Thats unrealistic. He would have to sell you would think. AMAZING FINISH!!!! They let ACX get in together and fight one another, they let RCR do the same, but when the tables were turned on PCP, they were GENIUS! Amazing ending, well worth saving for the PPV. Congrats to my buddies Ford and Billy, they have been so gud as PCP. Fantastic tag arc guys, i enjoyed it.

Facing the Unknown -
FUCK YES! Im jacked about this guy being here, he’s active, he’s beefing, he’s writing segs, he’s excited to be a part of DEF! YUS! Love the enthusiasm right out the gate and getting yourself involved. Terry had me confused, i think you could have explained a bit more about the man, because without description i see a 40 year old balding male wearing zoobaas?... he could be anyone… or dressed in anything. I think you were a little light on descriptiveness especially for a debut thing, but otherwise the FEEL of the seg was off the charts. Love the aggression, love the demanding and love him treating Terry like shit (get the fucking zoobaas off terry!) looking forward to finding out who the target is, and what's going on next tho the writing is fantastic just could have done with more depth….

JFK vs LAR
I really enjoyed the JFk entrance, its not that he’s slow for dramatic effect, he takes his time because he’s a Hollywood Bruv and JFK makes his own time :) LAR’s entrance is lacking on commentary a bit but the quick explanation of the feud was a little underselling, but a nice addition. Early on the action is a nice indication of each character. LAR wants to lock up, have a wrestling match, and prove he’s the better man. Kendrix wants to just piss off his opponent, get over, and play games. Great description here. I also thought the Clansedge was a little early, I don't mind you teasing it. Let LAR get JFK up in it, then a rake of the eyes, or something should edge him out before he gets dropped, but I know Jonno is a big fan of this spot lol. The schoolboy was a good touch to kinda help, but then that makes me think someone can recover from Clansedge in no time… Liked the sequence following a lot, JFK takes advantage and begins to work over the storied arm of LAR. Smart and effective strategy. I read Murrrs comments on the commentary and while I do echo it, I also think you did a good job giving each man an identity. Loved the big babyface comeback with the big boot and the spear out of nowhere, good false finish. The finish here was terrific. I loved the top rope Bellend reversal. Thought LAR was taking it for a sec after the spinebuster. Post match JFK attacks LAR with the chair. Moar on this later. Enjoyed this one very much. Great job Stevie and Jonno.

Ending of a Year
FIRE!!!! Curtis Penn is my favorite Heel in DEF. He is hot right now, and not slowing down. This promo was terrific and hit on all the points. In a very short way, he covered the highlights of a year he’s had in DEF. He’s taking everything out on Impulse tomorrow night, he hypes his current feud, he hypes the show, he hypes the next big show, everything here is stellar. Great job. Penn is looking to move up to bigger and better things.

FDJ vs Harmony
This has been the oddest but one hell of an angle this arc. I’ve enjoyed the story they are trying to tell of Harmony earning a little more respect from the big dog FDJ who befriended her long ago. Harmony is all business for this match, as she should be, if you want to be taken seriously you have to have a serious mentality, every once in a while anyway. FDJ’s reluctancy is one of the most “humanizing” moments I think I’ve read in efedding in a long time. He continuously refuse to engage action, softly and gently depositing Harmony around safe areas of the ring. Finally Harmony goes aerial so she can get all her weight behind her. Even after a swift dropkick FDJ refuses to get into it. Harmony tries a tope and Frank saves her. LOVE THIS. Its a different story! Then Harmony gets on the schtick. She KILLS it! She HAS to get under FDjs skin to make sure he will get in the ring, and she knows just which buttons to push! (When Angus offers to fight for Harmony! HAHAHA) This match told an awesome story, one of overcoming the odds. I am glad FDJ in the end, I think that was the right call. The faux count out and the undying Harmony were fantastic. Harmony gained more than FDJ in this match (as was clearly the plan) and Frank still goes over… perfect. Harmony gained 10 points here.

Nothing
Jasan Natas with a hell of an underdog promo here. He comes off as confident, while aware of his weaknesses and what his opponent will be targeting in the upcoming match. He knows he’s overmatched in most ways against Jackson, but if it comes down to the will to win, then you have to believe Natas has it after this. He makes you believe he’s going to legit give it every single thing he has in him to come out on top, and after so many singles losses, that’s not surprising. Hype train has left the station and is at full speed. Lets do this.

Natas vs Jackson
Loved Natas entrance and the recap by the commentary right away, not only do they cover the previous seg, but they pretty much cover everything since Natas returned. Jackson stalls through the whole entrance still playing games. Love the explosive beginning, Natas has been waiting, and waiting, and waiting for this, and he can’t wait anymore. Brutal beginning to this one, the heat is real and you can tell. Marshall Owens immediately does his best to cause a difference in this, pulling Sean Jackson out of harms way. Really enjoy the way Angus admits his bias for Dane doesnt go the same way for SJ. Commentary is SUPER on point in this one, great job Murrr. Love the report between the two, seems more natural, and Angus is giving more info than ever. For example:

Angus:
It might not look like much, Keebs, but this is a surprisingly effective hold. Natas has his arm pressed tightly against Jackson’s mouth and nose. This greatly diminishes Sean’s ability to breathe, and is a highly effective way of cutting his oxygen supply and draining his gas tank. I’m actually impressed.

Missing the finishers earlier in the match makes them mean more later, happy to see neither the Light Out Knee, or the FoeHammer connected.LOVED the section about the knee brace coming off, The depth to this match is fantastic. Really enjoyed the flashbacks. Its a weird gray area of our writing but fuck it… it was done beautifully. Amazing match, fanstastic ending as well. I felt tha last section could have been cut a tad bit shorter. Stupid good match…..STUPID good… the benchmark on night one.

It has to be said
Stevie came to me with this idea for the seg, said he wanted to do a pre match seg for mine, without me in it. I thought it was a terrific idea. Kendrix needs to build his own identity outside of being “Mikeys boy” and I think hes accomplished that between this seg and the lst few DEFTV segs. Zane goes right into a bit about JFKs impressive win early and the suspicious Kendrix puts the kabosh on the whole thing. After excusing the ever so unprofesh Zaney, JFK elicits a rant on par with Curtis Penn earlier in the night. Proclaiming to be the better man, and proud to have won in front of the World, JFK goes on to promise victory in the DEFMAX tournament. When she asks about Mikeys upcoming match, JFk puts Mikey over big as a man who doesnt NEED SEG to win, becaue MIkey is awesome :) Here come PCP with their real titles (and fake ones) to back up the man! PCP hint at fireworks around the ring, but were told they couldnt get in. It ends with PCP ripping apart Zaneys outfit. Terrific!

Mikey vs Sharp
I wrote this. Hope you enjoyed, The entrance was a play on the Uncut seg. It was a fun two arcs working with the Andy Sharp character, and a fun arc with Seth. Looking forward to whats next :) Maybe we murdered killed Sharp and LAR too much, but wanted to get over the thought that were not “JUST” entertainers. Special thank you to the people who let me use them in this.

Box/Dewey Video Package
This was fantastic. From the first SECONDS of Eugene Dewey’s career to Current summed up in a very short and very controlled promo. This was a great pre match hype, and edged me a little closer to the edge of my seat for this next one!

Eugene Dewey vs Bronson Box:
Those entrances are awesome, Loved the “basicness” of them compared to what you guys did at DEFROAD for Box. Then he goes sailing through the air with a suicide dive! WHAT!? Lol. Love the fast start. This match went from brutal to more so really quick, injured fans, broken chairs and barriers, and we’re just getting started. Loved the Andy Murray snot spot. Weve spilled into the mass area of fans, as the “lone handheld cameraman” tried to keep up ← little piece of brilliance. The chants feel mostly authentic a couple are close together but the spots are big enough to warrant so far. Wow the ledge had my heart racing, great fucking writing, hands down. Wow! LOVED that spot.”in the ring now” or should we say ringside area. LOL they cnt keep this one inside. Brutal work outside as well. LOL lightsabers and shit. Loving the chair work by Eugene as he “Steps” to Boxs level. Great commentary work here as well with the selling of the moves. That fucking second rope leg drop tho! Box finishing the match with Andy Murrays moves, and the earlier mentions….. HINTS! ….. Great match well done, ket me entrenched.

GREAT NIGHT ONE U GUIZ


 

Evan H.

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Re: DEFCON ARC DISCUSSION THREAD -- DEFtv 66 IS LIVE!

Anyone who's laid eyes on our show and has access to this thread is welcome
to give feedback, in the fed or no. Maybe some outsiders posting feedback will shame our roster into participating and leaving feedback.
 

Evan H.

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Re: DEFCON ARC DISCUSSION THREAD -- DEFtv 66 IS LIVE!

Slash, I don't by "I haven't finished reading the show" as an excuse, personally. If by this point you can't consume a show even that size... considering the existence of smart phones and tablets... then take that as an indication you don't have enough time for ewrestling period.
 

MikeyUnlikely

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Re: DEFCON ARC DISCUSSION THREAD -- DEFtv 66 IS LIVE!

BEEEEEEEFCON Part 2

The Rundown (Night 2)
This is very well done, giving a brief synopsis of the prior night while doing more to hype the huge card ahead. It’s hard to compliment the rundown because it's something we expect each and every week as a throw away, but if its no good then it can kill some excitement, so with that, I want to give a quick nod to the Rundown writer, whomever you may be… job well done sir, you are appreciated.

Impulse vs Curtis Penn
The intro was great, interrupting the entrance of Impulse fits the MO of Penn perfectly. Thats why I like the guy, he’s always one step ahead. The outside brawl was well done followed up by a solid opening to the match itself. I thought this got off really well before hitting some pacing issues. I dont think there was anything TERRIBLY wrong with it. You have one second Impulse hitting a big european uppercut that “rocks” Curtis Penn, but not so much that he can’t immediately follow up with an illegal move. I love Shooting Star Presses but to me they are the Burning Hammer of top rope moves and shouldnt be hit and kicked out of in the middle of a match. Especially if he’s going to hit that, then Penn kicks out of the pin AND THEN CLIMBS TO HIS FEET QUICKLY!? And grabs a downed Impulse? Ok you lost me. Impulse hits a SSP, then Penn picks him up off the ground, and tells him to “stay the fuck down” The finish was a nice surprise, I enjoyed the double wristlock and the tapping. The fist bump is the feel good story of DEFCON so far, followed quickly by the FDJ?HArmony bit. I think Impulse needed this win more than Penn. Penn has dominated the DEF landscape for the better part of a year, and Impulse had an impactful debut followed by some big feud moments. Great call to put Impulse over because Penn can STILL go straight from here to the main event and not be hurt by the loss, Impulse may have looked a little different having lost, so great call all around. Enjoyed the feud and the shocking moments it brought with it. (CUNT!)

Squid Boy
FUCK! I was sooooooo emotionally invested in this seg its unreal. Hell of a hype speech by Andy Murray to Cayle, it was lit from the word go for Andy. He wont put up with no shit tonight. Loved it! LOVED it! SO fucking hype for the match. I wanna skip to it right now….(Dick Sucking Club president)

Horry vs Mushi!
YUS! Been waiting on this one for two arcs! Loved the history lesson in the beginning, every match should play that up come pay off time. ANNNNNNND a Bobby Shmurda appearance! Murrr will be very pleased with this choice, sir. I’m enjoying the Mutual Respect approach to this match, Mushi is in tweener territory lately. It’s an interesting angle with Mushi just giving strikes and Horry attacking limbs and taking the slow technical approach. MUSHI ROUNDHOUSE!
Angus:
That’s it, we’re all fucked! Mushi throwing kicks is the seventh sign! (LOVED THIS)
The outside action is good, playing Horry as trying to get away seemed a little off tho, the ringpost spot was cool too. Good finish but a little quick for a PPV match. No worry this was pretty well rounded I thought and felt like a hard hitter. Great job, Give Mushi the FIST.

(Just saw Mushi was taking a break…. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO)

Who Is L. Bruises?
LOLLLLLLL This has to be the most Pokemon filled DEF PPV ever!? Loved the “tower of villiany”. L Bruises is racist? Could the L stand for Latino? We may never know. Uncle Barty breaks down the dangers but Cecilworth furthers on undeterred. The Abominable Sillyman! LOL Cecilworth Foiled the plan! He knew the help of L Bruises! And we will never know who the dastardly supervillian could be. I suspect Calico Rose personally. Maybe Mushi. Who knows? Terrific story fellas.

Andy Murray vs Bobby Dean
Remember that History Lesson comment in the last match! It happened again! Yus! Loved the Bobby Dean entrance and how it was tailored for this match specifically, even when BBD is afraid you have the commentary selling him as a viable threat. Terrific. OOOOOHHHH a special KINGS entrance for A Murray. Andy Murray is in clear control early and often and I don’t think you can write it any other way. He’s suplexing Bobby Dean like he’s a normal heavyweight. Love it. BBD with a well timed turnaround with just a few cheap shots, with injuries its just that easy. Little windows of opportunity. Andy Murray makes a big rebound and gets the win, even popping BBD into the air for the uppercut was a cool spot. Post match Brawl leads right into the next match!

Eric Dane vs Cayle Murray:
BRUTALLLLLLL START TO THIS> Back and forth, fast and furious. This was awesome, really liked the commentary spot where Angus doesnt care about Japan. I am a fan of strong style, or “realistic wrestling” so this match is on pace with what I enjoy watching. I was not disappointed! THEN Cayle Murray hit Mikey Unlikelys MDK Finisher on Eric Dane! (Listen, I know you wanna be like Mikey but CAWWWWWWMMMMAAAAWWWWWWWNNNNN) I like the emotional outbursts from Cayle and his relentless attitude. It stays too close to call almost the entire time I’ve read it. Both men keep getting right back up. Loved this bit on commentary.
Angus:
I don’t think he wants anything to do with Dane inside the ring either, but you’re right. He’s one of these super-happy-clappy-handhshakey-nicey-nicey fuckboy babyface wrestlers who likes flips and wristlocks and shit. Cayle’s not built to fight on the Baws’ terms.
DDK:
I don’t know about that, Angus. Cayle’s been throwing some serious thunder tonight! He might be known as a fair and just competitor, but he despises what Eric Dane’s done to him over the past year, and it resonates with every strike!
Cayle is making me a believer in this match. I have the “little engine that could” mentality… ‘I think he can, I think he can’. But everytime he gets a big advantage, Dane sneaks his way back in like the savvy vet he is. Blud! Now Eric Dane is taking the fuck over lol the outside work is nuts. Petroleum Jelly? And it’s NOT a Bobby Dean Match? o_O … Love the image of it tho. All up in the crowd, Starbreakers on chairs and shit.. Finally Murray gets a chance at a comeback! Nope lol. Love this. Dane bleeding like a stuck pig. Now with the fork, Cayles bleeding. This must be what A Murray eluded to earlier. Eric Dane got AIDS! “He’s Hardcore! He’s Hardcore!” (JK) The fingers bit had me squeamish af. Eric Dane kicking out of ERRRRRRRTHING. The low blow caught me way off guard, Dane sits him down and goes right back to a war of throwing punches elbows and forearms. I had to stop beefing and read the rest in one fail swoop. It was awesome. Terrific match, All around amazing. False Finishes were bit on and i felt it when it finally hit three. Had me for the entire thing. I can;t know it, i’ll never write a match this long or this good. One of the top three matches I have ever read since I began writing in this hobby. (Probably the best). This is what we strive for.

Video Package:
This was a cool themed video package. Tying in the DEFCON theme with the history of the current feud was great. I’m ready for the match, and hype that its finally here.

Dan Ryan vs Lindsay Troy:(DA FIST)
The back and forth between Keebs and Angus pre match is very good, you are covering the history like the previous few matches, but at the same time you are putting a little more BIAS behind the commentary team which is good in this scenario. Entrances were quick and to the point, we got a rassling match to get to folks. Love the early quick pace here, After a few quick mind games, Lindsay Troy is able to get around him and taking him to the mat with her quickness. Ryan needs a breather, and you have a good warm up to this one :) Some quick outside work before Ryan gets her back in the ring, and back in control. Not so fast, more counters from Troy and the first cover. THis match is fluid AF. Very well written, nothing seems rushed, and everything feels realistic. Big belly to belly followed up by another cover. The covers are coming fast a furious now. (Side note: We have about 14 workers who throw “multiple suplexes by hanging on” I think for me by this point in the show it's lost its meaning because in the last two nights ive seen it in 4-5 matches. Not knocking this match specific at all, just made me think about it, i think maybe we need to make that a signature thing for someone or a couple people and restrict the rest. Just a thought) Loved the flippy doo spot. Nice variation. CHAIRLESS FANS FROM THE PREVIOUS MATCH!!!! YUS! CONTINUITY! The outside stuff is really good once again. CHOPTOBERFEST!!!! LOL I love that line. This one has been brutal.
Angus:
I tell you, this may not be as bloody as what DA BAWS and Squiddy McFishsticks went through, but this is as intense as it gets.
This pretty much sums it up lol. And Benny Doyle goes down! What kinda fuckery is oncoming?! Brutal finish. BRUTAL. Loved it. Nice ending to the match without a clear winner. This was splendid. Great job all around. The only gripe and its not a big one is one Murrr said about other matches. would like to see more play by play from the commentary. but no biggie and the match didnt suffer because of it.

Holy shit. This show was awesome between two nights we fucking shut the shit down. Amazing job errrrrbody. Looking forward to the next arc.
 
Last edited:

BWade

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Re: DEFCON ARC DISCUSSION THREAD -- DEFtv 66 IS LIVE!

Disclaimer: Super cold read. Still trying to get the overall feel of the place. So grain of salt for sure.
Just consider me John Snow before the last season, I know nothing...

NIGHT ONE

DEFCON RUNDOWN

The intro gave me, what I felt, was a pretty good feel for the back and forth of the announce team. Which
granted isn't that off the wall from your normal color/call set up but it was nice to have that solidified
early. And for knowing little to nothing about what came before, the rundown sets up a good bit of anticipation
for whats to follow.

RAIN CITY RONIN VS. POP CULTURE PHENOMS VS. THE ANGEL CITY
EXXXPRESS


The PCP entrance was entertaining and instantly made me hate them, as designed.

"Good! Touch them! TOUCH THEM!"

... was good for a laugh in and out of context. Of course tagged with the ever hilarious ball talk. I'm sure I'll
mention it a few more times but at this point I'm still enjoying the commentation stations banter.


Kerry and Rocko, oh characters I know. Awesome. Rooting for them already because I'm a child who automatically likes what he already knows. Entrances feel like they eat up a lot of time but
in a three-way tag match that's to be expected.

All in all, I enjoyed the match, although the competitor dialogue kept taking me out of it a bit, but in the
same breathe sold the MO's of said competitors. I think mostly because I'm not used to that especially since
I do think its a nice touch and adds some realism.

As a new reader between the initials of PCP, ACX and the name of The D; I found myself re-reading some lines
a few times to make sure I got it.


DDK:
What did we just witness?
Angus:
Your sexual maturity?

THAT WAS THE BEST THRUST IN THE BUSINESS!

Interesting match, with intriguing rules that lent to good take on an infamous pro-wrestling finish.

FACING THE UNKNOWN

Terry isn't quite as glib as I remember the character being written but the essence and impatience is definitely there. I'd also assume given the manic nature of Reapers behavior Terry's yellow streak could be influencing his attitude.

The segment definitely raises questions as if the Reaper character hadn't already. The segment doesn't actually tell you
much other than he is on site and a bit off, but it does give just enough to make you interested to see where this is going
to go. Very easy to digest as well, for the cold reader, given that it's intro-ish kind of stuff. The name drops followed
by the first target jargon are interesting as well. Is it misdirection or reverse misdirection?

Well, a bit off or very driven. And both.


KENDRIX VS. L.A.R.

I especially appreciate the reverberations of a previous match making it into the commentary down the card.

And a bit a backstory to lead in.

I've been gone from FW for a little while so this was probably more prevalent then I actually remember but there is definitely a huge writing style shift in this match compared to prior (which of course since its different writers)
but it did stick out to me (albeit slightly when I looked over the three-way tag again.) And although I tend to write
my matches more in this style (more descriptive action, with commentary as the icing) I think I found the prior a little more enjoyable.
And at the same time I found this style much easier to follow. And/or I'm a moron.

This is as I read, stream of consciousness so I hope I'm not coming off negative or like an ass.

First false finish, I fell for. Maybe it was the build up or the amount of scrolling to get to the NO!, I fell for it.

I fell for the overall intent of the match as well. Maybe out of cynicism I just assumed the trope of the fiery comeback would be seen to fruition and I bought in. Assuming the finish as it was seemingly laid out for me. And then felt the unfortunate burn of being incredibly wrong. I dig it. Good match and very captivating.


ENDING OF A YEAR

Again, I know nothing.

This promo started off great for my read. I really liked the word choices. It made me think something epic was coming.
And although what followed was still strong in the classic inter-show promotional way it lost me a little.

It still served the purpose, it sold the match.

It previewed Night Two and as a newbie clued me in on some backstory. So, very effective.
The wording at the end definitely came off strange. But the I AM DEFIANCE was a nice button, which I assume is a catch phrase.

Overall I liked the segment but I get the feeling Penn is the heel and Impluse is the face, but Penn doesn't come across heel as much as scorned face ready to fire up.

FRANK DYLAN JAMES VS. HARMONY

Nitpicky shit, but the opening match being mentioned in the Kendrix/LAR opening kind of spoiled me and coming out of the Curtis Penn segment I was hoping to get some mention of this especially once his name was mentioned in respects to Harmony.

This matched felt like it'd be a none match at the start, in that Frank would continue to refuse to fight until finally some gimmick-ed finish. So I was glad to see the slow build into some offense from Frank all the while Harmony beginning to cause some damage. And for Harmony to fight the unwinnable fight and in the end for it to remain unwinnable made for a realistic finish.

The loss that builds the loser while keeping the larger strong. Good booking, in my opinion.

"Hey, I’ve never know a ragdoll that sexy. I’m just sayin’"


NOTHING


Good 'I respect you but I'm not gonna lay down for you' promo. Also lent a little backstory for a cold read without feeling too ex positional.


The knee talks added stakes, not life or death, but career ending stakes. But then the knee talk went a little long and felt labored. But it gets somewhere, lets me know it happened again and moves to a challenge of heart. And when the knee comes back my previous comments look foolish.

Overall, I liked the segment and it had a nice build, fever pitch, and sullen man at the precipice finish.

JASON NATAS VS. SEAN JACKSON

Love the tie in commentary.

To echo above, I think a little bit of the knee exposition could have been trimmed since its covered more
naturally in the prematch banter.


Also, good match build up in that opening.

"Shit, that’s a big-ass knee brace."

Between the promo before and Jackson's entrance I'm already routing for Natas.

This was a hell of a match. They all have been but with any good card the builds this match tore the house down for me. I was hooked in. Hanging on every line. So I suppose forget anything I said about the promo before because I suppose it did more than it's job because I walked into the match cold but very interested in the story.

Fantastic.

IT HAS TO BE SAID

Good classic heel shit. If I'm reading the intended accent correctly, I love it. Sets up the following match as well. And maybe a touch long, entertaining.

MIKEY UNLIKELY (C) VS. ANDY SHARP

Timely Poke' reference, coupled with a Lil Wayne song. I hate this character as I assume I'm supposed to. I love that the hat is thrown back. And again.

And again. Comedy, threes. Yes. Nice reminder of the stipulation spot.

The match was put together well and I can dig the video distraction, albeit on the long side, to work their way around the stipulation. Good heel stuff. And of course no heel trickery would be complete with out the gang beating turned schmoz at the end.

Good read and good heel heat.


BOX / DEWEY VIDEO PACKAGE


If I followed this correctly I'm only disappointed I couldn't actually watch it. The trailing to/too/twos blending in with pin falls was a nice touch that plays so well as video packagery. The juxtaposition of what I think is intended to be Dewey's audition tape of sorts and Box's latest words on the matter was perfect.

BRONSON BOX VS. EUGENE DEWEY

I was pretty sure before, but this match confirmed what Angus means by Flippy Do, for starters. And speaking of starters, I clicked the theme link and just as it really kicked in I got to the dive. Which made it extremely interesting. I had to just let it play for awhile through the match.

The bathroom wall spot is so pro wrestling. Awesome.

The catch was surprising and sort of heartwarming. The narrative action description was ballsy but on point in pointing out the historical and miracles moment. Even with limited knowledge the redemption angle sell well.

Enjoyed the match as it was quite the ride. Clearly teased something with the Murray finisher. The singular pin attempt also added a nice touch. Most of this I typed as I read and a thought popped in my head but I pretty much zoned out and just read this one with out much other thought beyond what was being presented.


Again, I know nothing ... just trying to start to piece it all together but there is my feedback for Night One. I'm hoping to get to Night 2 this weekend.
 

Murrr

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Re: DEFCON ARC DISCUSSION THREAD -- DEFtv 66 IS LIVE!

Back at it again.


IMPULSE VS. CURTIS PENN
Still think “blow it up” is great, not stale at all, and more over than a big chunk of the roster. I love it when handlers run with little things like that: it really does make all the difference. Catchphrases and gimmicks come-off cheesy and hackneyed in this hobby, particularly at the level we’re writing at (which is the highest in the game, fuck modesty) but you still need little hooks and quirks to stand-out from the masses. Pulse and Cally have “blow it up,” Keyes had the BELL CLAP~!, the PCPs have their revulsion of commonfolk. Jeez, can’t believe I just wrote a paragraph about a goddamn fistbump, but you get my point.


Starting-out with the heel attacking the face on entrance is classic and never fails. Great way to establish the face as the underdog early-on, particularly with the weapon use. I would’ve liked some more selling from the announcer’s here, as I wasn’t getting a lot of passion from them which kinda hurt the impact, but still. Penn comes-off like a cold-hearted bastard, especially when he farks the drawing up. Legit wanted to DDT him into a crocodile’s mouth.


Other than the lack of initial selling, I think the commentary/action balance was great. This is what I’m always harping on about, friendos. When there’s a sound balance, your matches are sooooo much easier to read, especially when they’re used to actually call parts of the action. Love that. Mark it down: best use of the announcers that I’ve read thus far.


Formatting on the pinfalls/kickouts wasn’t in the DEF style. A nitpick, but what’s up with that?


I like the early/mid flow of the match. I’m getting some strong Cena/Lesnar SummerSlam vibes from this one. Obviously the match starts with terrible cunt Curtis Penn attacking from behind, but it’s pretty much pure domination throughout the opening stages, mixed with a few hope spots. Always like it when people flip the format and give us something more than a lazy 50/50 back-and-forth fart match. This is good storytelling.


I didn’t have a huge problem with the SSP. Yeah, it’s a move that takes a lot more effort to pull-off than say an elbow drop, but I’ve never really had it down as something that should never be kicked-out of. Heck, I find it hard to put any top rope move in that category, because they’re all a variation on the same theme. Thinking about it from a technical perspective, it should actually be one of the least impactful top rope moves. The flip throws your knee into the mat, and when you connect, your torso’s moment is upwards, not down on the opponent. In theory, a splash/elbow drop/leg drop should be a lot more damaging, as you’re bringing your full weight down on the opponent’s chest.


THAT SAID… from a spectacle point of view, yes, I do think it was a tad early for an SSP. It’s still a dazzling move that came a little too soon, IMO.


From that point, I think the finish came very abruptly. Penn’s frustration was portrayed well, but the closing sequence need more time to breathe. It feels like one second Pulse is draped on the ropes, and the next he’s snapping back to life. There’s just not a lot of selling there. Could’ve benefitted from extending the frustration segment a little, maybe one more false finish, then having Pulse gradually fighting back through the pain, rather than just snapping the sub in straight away. As it stands, I feel like Curtis Penn looks a bit dorky for losing in such a fashion.


Still, solid opening match, if a tad short.


SQUIDBOY
This was a turning point for both men so I hope it came across as such.


SAM HORRY VS. MUSHIGIHARA
Good job on the opening announcer chit-chat. It definitely helps newer readers when you go back and recap the events that have brought us to this point, and I think that this was accomplished here without going into needless detail.


Really great start with the palm strike countered into the armbar. Loved that. The alignments seem a little messy though, with Mushi getting big cheers in his entrance than boos a few seconds later. Like how Mushi couldn’t dislodge Sam through technique, though: he just had to smash him into the mat a couple of times. Good job of establishing the dynamic early-on there.


Commentary is far too sparse early on. There’s almost no banter between Angus and Keebs, and that makes it nowhere near as much fun to read. There’s a lot of great action here, don’t get me wrong, and I love the precision with which some of the moves are described, but it’s tough to give a match character without Angus and Keebs being Angus and Keebs, yanno?


One thing I do enjoy is that this isn’t a straightforward good guy vs. bad guy fight. You get the sense that both men will do whatever it takes to win here, regardless of the coloured rectangle around their micro on the roster page. Sam comes vicious with the arm attack early-on, and it’s good. That’s exactly what he should be doing. You can’t be playing nicey-nicey in a high stakes PPV match: you’ve gotta go for the throat. It’s why I laughed at certain Warchamber criticisms at the last PPV. These people are out there fighting for their lives. If they’re holding back, I’m not going to respect them. Good job here, lads.


Man, this match is pretty fucking awesome through the middle phase. The limbwork is just psychology 101, and it’s fantastic. It’s pretty different to previous clashes between the two, which played-up the power vs. MMA aspect a little more.


Unfortunately, the ending is even more abrupt than the opening match. Just as this match was getting into an incredible flow, it was cut-off. The actual finish itself is solid, but we go from limbwork to finish in about a minute, and it just sucked the life outta the match for me. Night 2 hasn’t done a great job of building to breathtaking finishes thus far: instead, we’ve got these weird not-quite-out-of-nowhere with only a slither of build that would likely leave a live crowd confused more than anything else.


I’m also not sure I understand the post-match banter with. “This isn’t the end, etc.” We know that both characters are taking some time out of the fed, so unless you’re going to follow-up on this with a news post (or something of that ilk), why leave the threads hanging?


WHO IS L. BRUISES???
Just ridiculous and stupid and incredible and terrible and fantastic at the same time. Pretty much exactly what I expected, really. The Abominable Sillyman was an absolutely outrageous idea that I’ll definitely be running with whenever I feel like writing Jack Hunter stuff again. Colin did a fun job of wrapping this stupid little angle up, even if we never did really find out who L. Bruises is. Hint: it was Mikey Unlikely.


ANDY MURRAY VS. BOBBY DEAN
I was really toying with the idea of writing a total squash match because Bobby really didn’t write anything this arc and it felt warranted. In the end, though, I don’t think those are much fun to read at all, especially in the expanded PPV format. So I was starting to think about how BBD could realistically hurt an immaculate pro like AM, and using his enormous girth to target the ribs was the obvious choice. It’s a straightforward, simple match, but I just wanted to give it a little kink that would actually make it semi-interesting for you guys to read, instead of writing AM bulldozing the poor bastard.


CAYLE MURRAY VS. ERIC DANE/b]
I’m really sad that this feud is over, honestly. We’ve been at it in some shape or form for a year and I can honestly say that I wouldn’t be ewrestling today if I hadn’t connected with Gary and Justin in UTA. Getting involved in a solid program early has always been key to making me stick around, and those guys were a great “in” for me in that particular fed. When I joined, I was pretty sure I’d flake-out after a couple of weeks (as I’ve done before), but no: I got entangled in something great, and it reignited the desire that I thought died five years ago.


Cayle vs. Dane started as Cayle vs. Colton Thorpe, Gary’s character, until Gary got super-busy and couldn’t efed any more. Dane had become Thorpe’s mentor, so the natural thing to do was go all-in on Cayle vs. Dane, and that’s exactly what we did.


Things were going well until UTA closed. By that point, I think Justin and I were both pretty frustrated over there, so the closure proved a blessing in disguise. DEFIANCE proved to be the perfect vehicle for the remainder of the feud. I think we’ve told a coherent story, and both characters have been on one hell of a journey. It’s going to be a real shame not getting to write this feud any more.


Justin and I quickly became very good friends. We’ve got incredibly similar philosophies when it comes to wrestling, and the creative process has been an absolute breeze. I think all of this came through in the feud. It’s quite rare to find someone in this hobby with whom you’d gladly write with forever, but I think I’ve found that with my mate, The King of Alabama. So yeah, cheers man: it’s been an absolute pleasure getting to know you and your legacy character, and thanks for helping get Cayle over.


VIDEO PACKAGE: SECONDS TO GROUND ZERO
We should’ve done a rundown with this kinda stuff, goddamnit.


This was really cool. Like the post-apocalyptic imagery. Very effective. You did a great job of summarising the LT/Ryan story over the years without getting to length, and putting a great emphasis on individual DEF incidents certainly helped. It’s often easy for two characters with years of history to lean too heavily on events that happened elsewhere but no such problems here. Fun little introduction, and a nice break from the usual pre-match promo that a lot of us (read: me and Evan) throw out all the time.


DAN RYAN VS. LINDSAY TROY
Speaking of recaps and intros and such, I think that the pre-match stuff here was the best on either night. Really good way to set the scene, and I liked Troy’s forced stoicism through the entrances too.


Enjoyed the pace in the opening few pages. There’s obviously a shedload of ill will here that comes across very well in the writing, but they’re not going full retard from the first bell (like Cayle and Dane did). I think that makes sense with the way you guys built towards the match. From a reader’s perspective, the spinach puffs on UNCUT were a giant turning point after a quiet few weeks, and I think there’s a nice balance here between controlled aggression and FUCK YOU I HATE YOU. Two smart competitors. I liked how Troy’s struggle to control her emotions was written, too.


Gigantor Ancestors line <3.


Gotta say something about the way the action’s described. It’s just really good. I think you guys have a knack for writing description that’s pretty detailed without getting bogged down in unnecessary bullshit. I feel the blows as they land. A lot of people write way too much, or nowhere near enough: yours is just right on the money. Very sharp, clear, and precise without sapping any of the impact away. As far as action in matches go, this is great.


There are times when this feels more like a choreographed wrestling match than a bitter war. I imagine that’s exactly what you’re going for at this stage, and given the way the match has been built-up. Lots and lots of counter-wrestling, slick maneuvers, etc. Makes a lot of sense given how well they know each other. Not a criticism, just something I picked-up on.


I might be wrong, but the opening stages felt very 50/50. I would’ve liked to have seen the babyface have a strong shine period. Match structure is entirely subjective and if everyone just stuck to the standard shine-cutoff-heat-comeback-finish format, we’d be reading a bunch of boring bollocks every show. I’d have preferred Troy to get a little more in on Ryan before his cutoffs through the early stages. Whip the crowd up a little, let her build a bit more momentum before getting cut-off and it’d give the phase a little more juice, IMO.


Ryan’s control segments I found a little short, too. Particularly the slot where he’s telling her to “STAY DOWN!”, following the Humility Bomb, etc. I think I can lump this in with my early comment on the 50/50 stuff towards the beginning of the match. There are momentum shifts, but they’re quite slight. Like, even the Humility Bomb felt a little underdeveloped. I think you could’ve really amplified the drama here with Ryan getting a more prolonged period of offence in on Troy, before she makes her kickouts. Just would’ve made the whole thing feel a little more “epic,” yanno?


My favourite period was Troy’s Final Judgement/Koji Clutch part, particularly when she tries to transition into a Muta Lock but Ryan thwarts it. Troy counters, Sharpshooter, etc. This was the point in the match where I started really getting into it, because Troy’s solving the Ryan puzzle somewhat, and for a while, he just doesn’t have an answer. That’s particularly pertinent given their relationship, how well they know each other, and how many counters each have been throwing out.


RIP Benny Doyle. Too pretty for this world.


The ending is good. You built to it very well by having Doyle die, then Ryan click. From that moment on, I knew something big was gonna happen, even when Troy landed the Raynes. A Burning Hammer through the announce table is just absolutely brutal, and a great way to end the match. One of my favourite things in wrestling is when the announcers’ ability to call the match is destroyed. It almost gives a post-apocalyptic kinda feel. There’s all this carnage all over the place, the fans are going nuts, but you can’t hear a word from the announcers. Adds so much gravity to the situation, IMO. Liked it a lot.


Good match all-round. Thumbs up.
 

MikeyUnlikely

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Re: DEFCON ARC DISCUSSION THREAD -- DEFtv 66 IS LIVE!

Beefasauras Rex (Uncut 11)


Show Opener:

Love the emphasis on a new year in DEFIANCE. A new leaf, a clean slate, everything is wiped away… except those pesky champwons! Angus was spot on and quick in this, I dont expect much on the rundown on Uncut.

B-Roll #2

A very quick preview and name drop of who is maybe possibly showing up. I enjoy it. The repeated line seemed off, but otherwise it was good. Can't wait for Jay to get rolling.

DEFCON NIGHT 1- After Main.
Box touches on his main event match and when he is asked about using Andy Murrays finisher he tells the guy to keep his mouth shut. Box is more intimidating then ever post DEFCON and its going to be fun seeing what happens with him coming up, although clearly the breadcrumbs lead one way. (STOKED)

DrunkBros Assemble:
Awe the feel good story of the summer! It will make you laugh and cry, and want to punch babies! Good seg here by the Murrr trio. The friendship angle continues to grow and develop. Now they’ve trained together, drank together and slept together (in the hospital of course!). Hurry up and bring me the next part…

Trios Tag tourney
OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Is this going to be on the shows? Or on “Brazen house shows”? This is awesome. I like the Viking War Cult so I am all about this tourney. Sounds legit AF.

Monsters:
Wrote this with Stevie and Justin, Hope you enjoyed. Justin has been diving in head first here, and not only that but he’s super laid back and easy to write with, I highly recommend him :)

Drunkbros: 2

The LOLs came in bunches. Little Murrr has a new nickname, which I dig. Also he is about to Elbow everyone in the face for calling him Squiddy. This was awesome. Impulse and Cally show up near the end and finally FDJ is ready to party. Funny stuff.

Scott Douglas Introduction

This was pretty cool. I like the angle of someone turning over a new leaf and moving forward. Everytime someone comes to a fed they try to brag about past accomplishments about other feds. This was the opposite. Somewhat original and intriguing to say the least, He intros himself without giving too much away. Good stuff. Did he pay the driver? I dont know, I’ve never Uber’d.

DrunkBros 3: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
AMAZING. KRANG reference stole the show. What a racist bastard.(Jaceist). FDj and NAtas get into a despute about Natas finally getting on the win train. Natas was confident weeks ago but FDJ pokes fun. Finally the words heat up until FDJ cheap shots Natas. Where dis goin?

Aftermath Aint Just an Album
OMG this was awesome… this bit here 100% epitomizes Impulse and Cally….

Cally:
But yes, they’re not special cupcakes. Well, they are - I try to make everything I bake special. I mean, you really can’t give someone a cupcake and say ‘it’s not special’ because that’s like saying ‘you’re not special’ and that just mean, and that actually my second rule of life is that mean people suck. Which is funny because my first rule is ‘Always be nice to Cally’ so they kind of go hand in hand and --

She stops talking, only when Impulse puts a hand over her mouth.

Impulse:
There’s no dubiously intoxicating ingredients.


She is a runaway happy train, and he is grounded and meaningful. LOVED it. Great face segment that had all the feels. Lindsay Troy Tha God. Big fan of the seg. Great way to build sympathy.

Starbroken
WOAH. this felt like the passing of the torch. All the feels and a great way to close out the show. Well done fellas.





 

BWade

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Re: DEFCON ARC DISCUSSION THREAD -- DEFtv 66 IS LIVE!

UNCUT 11

Show Opener
I finally looked up GORRAM. “DEF Shark Repellent Spray." some pieces of pop culture just won't stop being great fotter.

B-Roll #2
I instinctively read this cameraman as Hoffman's Rainman. Like Mikey said, the repeated line was odd, and to go a step further it felt like a shorter segment stretched out. But I've been there; when what is on the page is all you want to say but it looks too short. Either way, interested to see what Paz is doing in DEF.

DEFCON, NIGHT 1 - AFTER THE MAIN EVENT...
I'm still not super familar with all the charecters and their story but coming off the Box/Dewey match this was an intriguing read. Box's comments toward his and Dewey's "relationship" was great and the none awnser over the finish certainly seems to hint of things to come.

DRUNKBROS: ASSEMBLE
Breazy read. Very enjoyable. But the Hangover diddy, "We're the three best friends ..." was definitely stuck in my head through the latter half of this. From DEFCON to this, these are very likable characters.

BRAZEN TRIOS TOURNAMENT COMMERCIAL
Well put together commercial, got me exited for the product. Lost me a little at the end and had to re-read to make sure I read it right. I had, I'm just slow apparently.

MONSTERS!
Awesome segment. A bit more of Reaper's vague creepiness sandwiched between hilarious bafoons. The last line about the lights killed it. Very fun read, keeps me wondering what or who the target is and scratches a few more names off the list of potentials.

DRUNKBROS 2: BRO HARDER
Snake and Jake’s Christmas Club Lounge .. Came so close to using the same location. But thought some might think it too silly or too made up. Brave choice, salute. I googled "trolly" to no avail, I'm guessing it means corny or hacky? The call back to the elbow spot was nice. And three, the comedy.

SCOTT DOUGLAS INTRODUCTION
I wrote this. All I will say is I was supposed to re-title it, "The Itch, Part I." Scott Douglas Intro was supposed to just be a place holder after reserving the segment.

DRUNKBROS 3: DRUNKBRO WITH A VENGEANCE
Speaking of titles ... these are great. As a part three, opening back to the bar I wondered where this was going, if anywhere. But it picked up quickly, ducked away for some fun TNMT Universe sexual compatibility pondering and then really picked up. Great read and I'm interested to see if this will play out further or if it's just a drunken bar fight. "Alcohol. Alcohol started it."

AFTERMATH AIN'T JUST AN ALBUM
Huge shift in tone from that last segment and it was pretty amazing. Read soft and kind with some humor but extremely intense at the same time. After Impulse's first big mic drop moment I thought maybe it was going to run too long and ruin the dramatics but a line or two later it really wrapped the whole segment up wonderfully. Great mix of emotions and drama.

STAR BROKEN
First a nitpicking gripe that I'll instantly contradict... If I was watching this I would have preferred the show to open with this to preserve continuity. But with that being said... what a way to close a show! Fantastic. Again I'm still a bit behind on all the characters and overall history and such but I am slightly familiar with Dane (via the History tab) and I think this is pretty clearly a pass the torch kind of moment. Really great segment and a great rub for Cayle. It read very quick and easy but very solid at the same time.
 

Stalker

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Re: DEFCON ARC DISCUSSION THREAD -- DEFtv 66 IS LIVE!

First and foremost, I apologize for not doing a full run down of DEFCON Night 2, I just have not had a chance to put all my thoughts and opinions into my usual run down of feedback. However, I have to say it was a pleasurable read from beginning to end. Overall DEFCON Night 1 and 2 was absolutely epic. I enjoyed every minute of it. You guys are an amazing bunch and I'm glad to be a part of this group!


Now, Uncut 11 backs fed. Slightly less than usual.

B-Roll #2

I'm 67 percent sure I know who this segment is referencing to. I love the teasing.

After DEFCON, Night 1

The statement is made, something is about to brew between Bronson Box and Andy Murray. Exactly what though? That remains unknown at this time. I love the fear in Dave Felcher's tone. 'yes sir'

Drunkbros. Assemble


I love the aftermath segments. Any rp that has to do with the actual damage done from a previous match, even ones such as huge as these guys had at DEFCON, is a great read. Adds such a good layer of realism to our stories. Stuff like this and the matches that Murr wrote at DEFCON are just a few of the reasons I'm so quick to soak it in because it will help me only get better.

Brazen Trios

I'm pumped for this! It seems like it will be a lot of work, but also exciting. I am looking forward to reading more about this.

Monsters!

Wrote this with the Bruvs, they are amazing. I was just along for the ride. I'm humbled once reading it again how much they sold Code Name: Reaper's appearance, they are great people to write with and I am hoping that in the future we get to write more together.

BRO HARDER BRO

Angus? Elbow. Bobby? Elbow. Lindsay? ….. no. LOL. I like STARBREAKER as a nickname though, anything is better than Squidboy, what about Elbow Skin Face?

Lmao, just after all that fried calamari for our favorite squidboy? Oh my. FDJ at the end!

Scott Douglas Intro

I personally love the character. I have had a lot of involvement with him, since he first brought Scott to IWF. I pushed and pushed him to join and I am very happy that he did because he's already out there killing it with segments. Better writing than what I can produce. He makes the world feel alive. And for those that don't know Part 2 is up on propaganda on the main site! Check it! *Shilling*

DrunkBros with a Vengeance

I believe big boy britches are more in line with fancy pants. Bebop and Rocksteady reference? Where has DEFIANCE been all these years? I can't believe I have missed out on such entertainment. And yes Andy Murray = Grandpa.

Aftermath ain't just an album anymore.

Lindsay Troy, really did get destroyed in that match at DEFCON Night 2. Again, seeing that she's laid up in a hospital bed gives that edge so much more of realism. I can't wait to see what happens from this point and I really wonder if Troy is going to end up champ at the end of this ARC. I feel like it's time.

Starbroken


Starbreaker is the new nickname that I will from this point forward call Cayle Murray. This segment cements that. Great ending to Uncut.

Overall:

I loved Impulse and Cally's involvement throughout Uncut and I am really itching to see Impulse come out on top for this DEF*MAX tournament.

Super pumped for this arc as it will be my first chance to write some matches, get more involved with the entire roster and hopefully make an enjoyable story for you guys during the next few months.
 
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