i am not going to comment on the content of the RP yet, only because its in the middle of an RP period ...
so im just going to give one point that may help both myself, you, and others when they read the RPs ... it is difficult at first to get used to italicized font when the character is talking .. i would suggest, and this doesn't mean that you have to do it at all, but i'd suggest putting the italics on the actions and keep the speaking parts regular.
-sean