LQJT86C
Where's my money, Chad?
(OORP NOTE: Benjamin "El Puta" Hernandez is the former manager of my old NFW character Castor Strife. Castor was an estranged director, and Benjamin (named thus by Castor, who thought he needed a more anglicized name) was his lackey who aspired to be just like him. Benjamin would direct films and then send the previews to everyone. Eventually he had his own talk show, "15 Minutes of Benjamin." I have now brought Benjamin "El Puta" Hernandez to TWW, where he'll be offering his management services to anyone who wishes them. Anyway, I'm too lazy to explain this all in RP, so I figured I'd make this note. The RP below is a copy/paste of a movie preview he sent to the NFW roster back in 2001. I'll write an introductory note for him later. Enjoy!)
(FADEIN: BENJAMIN is sitting in his director's chair.)
BENJAMIN: Here it is, everyone. The trailer you dudes have been waiting for! THREE YEARS IN THE MAKING, MAN! Check it out everybody, my new film.
(CUTTO: Three men standing on a dock. One is a native american guy wearing a native head dress, and a coat made out of pink fur. He's also wearing pimp glasses. He's Dwight, the guy who saved Jesse in the first Free Willy. The next guy is Jesse, who's wearing makeup and a short skirt. The third guy is some sleezy homeless man. His name is Larry.)
LARRY: (In a raspy, old man's voice) WHAT CAN I GET FOR A QUARTER?!
DWIGHT: NOTHING!
LARRY: WHAT CAN I GET FOR TWO QUARTERS?!
DWIGHT: NOTHING!!
LARRY: WHAT CAN I GET FOR TWO QUARTERS AND...A NICKEL?!
DWIGHT: NOTHING!!! Ok, let me run this by you AGAIN. Twenty dollars, you get from the neck up. Fourty dollars, you get from the waist down. For a hundred dollars...you get the WHOOOOOOOOLE THING!
LARRY: I'LL TAKE THE WHOLE THING!
DWIGHT: Now that's what I'm talking about!
JESSE: Come on Dwight, you promised...no more after a few months.
DWIGHT: Excuse me, Jesse? Wanna run that by me again? I didn't hear what you said.
JESSE: Forget about it, I didn't say anything.
DWIGHT: No, I think you said something.
JESSE: Well...I was just thinking, maybe...maybe I'm finished doing this?
(Dwight grins, and slowly takes off his glasses. He bowns his head a little, looks to his side, brings back his hand, and b*tch slaps Jesse across the face. Jesse falls to the ground.)
DWIGHT: What, you thought you could spraypaint my underground aquarium like that 8 years ago, and not have to pay it off? Well you're WRONG!
JESSE: I thought I payed it off already by cleaning it up, and helping you raise Willy?
DWIGHT: No no, senorita Jesse, that's only cause Disney wouldn't let me pimp your ass, but now that I'M in control, your 35 year old ass is MINE, BOY!
(CUEUP: 'Real American')
(All of a sudden, Willy pops up out of the sea, with Hulk Hogan on his back, and a harpoon in his hands.)
DWIGHT: HULK HOGAN?????!!!!!!!
HULKSTER: JESSE, GET DOWN BROTHER!
(Jesse ducks, and then Hulk tosses the harpoon through Dwight's chest. The
special effects on this are really bad, keep in mind. Larry then screams and jumps into the water.)
JESSE: FREEEEEE WILLLY!
HULKSTER: Don't forget the 24 inch PYTHONS, DUDE!
(Willy splashes back into the water)
JESSE: I owe you a free-bee, Hulk!
(Hulk pops his head out of the water)
HULKSTER: A FREE-BEE?! (He begins to swim to the dock)
V/O: Don't miss the surprise ending that will keep you guessing! This summer, Benjamin "El Puta" Hernandez presents to you...THREE-THREE-THREE YEARS IN THE MAKING...FREE WILLY 2000! With a soundtrack featuring Michael Jackson, Buffalo Springfield, and Gary Numan!
(FTB)
(OORP NOTE 2: Here's a fun fact. The kid who played Jesse in the Free Willy movies now lives in Los Angeles and plays in a band called "Fermata." They have a MySpace and everything. In fact, Terence has apparently sent them messages via MySpace asking to join the band and replace him. When I asked Terence about this, he told me that the band would be better off with him rather than "that assfag from Free Willy!!!!")
(FADEIN: BENJAMIN is sitting in his director's chair.)
BENJAMIN: Here it is, everyone. The trailer you dudes have been waiting for! THREE YEARS IN THE MAKING, MAN! Check it out everybody, my new film.
(CUTTO: Three men standing on a dock. One is a native american guy wearing a native head dress, and a coat made out of pink fur. He's also wearing pimp glasses. He's Dwight, the guy who saved Jesse in the first Free Willy. The next guy is Jesse, who's wearing makeup and a short skirt. The third guy is some sleezy homeless man. His name is Larry.)
LARRY: (In a raspy, old man's voice) WHAT CAN I GET FOR A QUARTER?!
DWIGHT: NOTHING!
LARRY: WHAT CAN I GET FOR TWO QUARTERS?!
DWIGHT: NOTHING!!
LARRY: WHAT CAN I GET FOR TWO QUARTERS AND...A NICKEL?!
DWIGHT: NOTHING!!! Ok, let me run this by you AGAIN. Twenty dollars, you get from the neck up. Fourty dollars, you get from the waist down. For a hundred dollars...you get the WHOOOOOOOOLE THING!
LARRY: I'LL TAKE THE WHOLE THING!
DWIGHT: Now that's what I'm talking about!
JESSE: Come on Dwight, you promised...no more after a few months.
DWIGHT: Excuse me, Jesse? Wanna run that by me again? I didn't hear what you said.
JESSE: Forget about it, I didn't say anything.
DWIGHT: No, I think you said something.
JESSE: Well...I was just thinking, maybe...maybe I'm finished doing this?
(Dwight grins, and slowly takes off his glasses. He bowns his head a little, looks to his side, brings back his hand, and b*tch slaps Jesse across the face. Jesse falls to the ground.)
DWIGHT: What, you thought you could spraypaint my underground aquarium like that 8 years ago, and not have to pay it off? Well you're WRONG!
JESSE: I thought I payed it off already by cleaning it up, and helping you raise Willy?
DWIGHT: No no, senorita Jesse, that's only cause Disney wouldn't let me pimp your ass, but now that I'M in control, your 35 year old ass is MINE, BOY!
(CUEUP: 'Real American')
(All of a sudden, Willy pops up out of the sea, with Hulk Hogan on his back, and a harpoon in his hands.)
DWIGHT: HULK HOGAN?????!!!!!!!
HULKSTER: JESSE, GET DOWN BROTHER!
(Jesse ducks, and then Hulk tosses the harpoon through Dwight's chest. The
special effects on this are really bad, keep in mind. Larry then screams and jumps into the water.)
JESSE: FREEEEEE WILLLY!
HULKSTER: Don't forget the 24 inch PYTHONS, DUDE!
(Willy splashes back into the water)
JESSE: I owe you a free-bee, Hulk!
(Hulk pops his head out of the water)
HULKSTER: A FREE-BEE?! (He begins to swim to the dock)
V/O: Don't miss the surprise ending that will keep you guessing! This summer, Benjamin "El Puta" Hernandez presents to you...THREE-THREE-THREE YEARS IN THE MAKING...FREE WILLY 2000! With a soundtrack featuring Michael Jackson, Buffalo Springfield, and Gary Numan!
(FTB)
(OORP NOTE 2: Here's a fun fact. The kid who played Jesse in the Free Willy movies now lives in Los Angeles and plays in a band called "Fermata." They have a MySpace and everything. In fact, Terence has apparently sent them messages via MySpace asking to join the band and replace him. When I asked Terence about this, he told me that the band would be better off with him rather than "that assfag from Free Willy!!!!")
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