DAN RYAN: I don't know, Castor -- I'm thinking now that you might need to pony up a little more dough to make this actually happen, you know, since you just Pacquiao'd yourself in NFW.
CASTOR: In that case, I'll have to take back the mulligan I gave you for losing to Cobra and Phil Atken. And as I lay here in my hospital bed, stuck with broken glass and splinters, sipping Kale through a straw, I am reminded how I'm worth more dead than you are alive.
CASTOR: You have staying power, and you turn a profit. That doesn't make you better than me, Dan. That makes you Spam. You're on everybody's shelf, and they go to you when they need to eat. I, on the other hand...they build a cellar just for me, those lucky few. They put me on the top shelf. And when it's time to bring me out, everybody knows it's a special occasion. You could even drink me with Spam, and the Spam would taste better for it.
Spam Ryan...foodstamp champion of the hungry masses.
CASTOR: Come on Dan, you expect me to reply to all that? FOR FREE? I'll wait until ESEN runs the long-cut promotional videos - I'm far better when enjoyed in HD. Here on YouTube, I'm only willing to embarrass you in 75 words or less. Otherwise you owe me $12.50 per word, OUT OF YOUR OWN SHARE. That's more than Texas minimum wage - far more. Looks like we're at 76. Do I make the bill out to Dan Ryan, Zero-Time Ultratitle Champion, or Three-Time Loser? Maybe you can just chip a gold flake off that belt Uncle Chad kept in perpetuity while his funhouse was in the fridge. I accept various forms of payment.
But I’ll end on this: if having the NFW World Title is what made me valuable to you, then you’re an even bigger mark for Eddie Mayfield’s sandbox than I am.
145... (rubs fingers together)