It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year....

[Sean Taylor]

Well it's that time again. Time for my favourite pay-per-view of the year - the Royal Rumble. I, after calling the winner of the Elimination Chamber 4 weeks in advance, am here to spoil the entire ppv for everyone and let you all know who is going to win. Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! Relax, they're just predictions. Vince hasn't sent me my copy of the script yet.

These are the officially scheduled matches as of 11:59 pm Monday, January 24, 2004:

Casket Match:
The Undertaker vs Hendenreich
Ok I don't watch SD much if at all so I can only go by the spoilers I've read and the bits and pieces that I have seen. Got a sneaking feeling that this one will not end cleanly. But let's face it, how many casket matches haven't ended without interference? The only thing I can't think of is who would interfere. For a winner, I'm going to go with Taker. It's against the odds, I know, considering his records in casket matches (hell, he lost to Goldust!!). But because of my later picks, I take Taker to close the lid on this show-filler feud.
Winner: Undertaker

Grudge Match:
Shawn Michaels vs Edge
Ah yes, the match that has been building off and on since Taboo Tuesday. Both are personal favourites of mine and even though this one should be an "up in the air" match, to me, the answer is simple. Before this match was announced, I thought that both HBK and Edge would eliminate each other from the Royal Rumble setting up a match for WrestleMania XXI. Then they made this match. That changed things around. I'll explain my choice later but for now....
Winner: "HBK" Shawn Michaels

WWE Championship Triple Threat Match:
John Bradshaw Layfield (c) vs Big Show vs Kurt Angle
A lot of people are thinking that the big man is going to walk out with the title. Now, the last pre-Rumble episode of SmackDown! hasn't happened yet so I'm also going to spoil that show for you as well. At the end of the show, Big Show will clear the ring and stand tall as Michelle Cole yells, "Big Show is ready for the Royal Rumble!!! But are Kurt Angle and WWE Champion JBL ready? We'll find out in four days at the Royal Rumble!!!" then the show will go off the air. Hate to burst your bubbles but JBL is THE MAN right now and will continue to be the man after this Sunday.
Winner: JBL

WWE World Heavyweight Championship Match:
Triple H (c) vs Randy Orton
The WrestleMania match that everyone was salivating over is coming early this year and when "the granddaddy of them all" rolls around, I don't think either of these guys will be champion. Orton defeated Flair earlier tonight and held the title above his head as Raw went off the air. For those of you who haven't heard my rantings before, 90% of the time the guy who gets the last up before the PPV, loses at the PPV. Orton will not walk out champion. BUT don't you Triple H haters worry, your Pushed Too Soon Animal Savoir will make his stance against good ol' Trips during this match. But as a rule, never bet against the guy banging Steph between book tours, movie openings, and Kiss My Ass Club Board of Director Meetings. It's just not wise.
Winner: Triple H

Royal Rumble Match:
This is the match we all wait to see. No pee breaks, no leaving the room, and always yelling your friends when you think you know who's coming out next. There are a few favourites to win this year which is a good surprise considering how we all usually have some idea about who is guaranteed to win 3 weeks before the ppv itself (ie Rock, Stone Cold, HBK etc etc). Let's take a look at some of the 2:1 odds for Royal Rumble 2005.

John Cena - True he's the only guy left to challenge JBL one-on-one for the WWE Championship and YES this would set up a match at WrestleMania perfectly. But I hate to say it being the Cena fan that I am, but it's just not Cena's year. Why? 1) He's the US Champion and no existing champion has ever won the rumble. 2) Well... check out the following blurb.

Any other SmackDown! entrant - Won't happen. Take a look at the star caliber of the guys SD is putting into the Rumble. Scotty 2 Hotty? Rey? Jindrak? Sorry, the line up from Raw is much more star studded. I know, I know Raw is more star studded anyways, but hey as they say in da 'ood, "D'ems da breaks". Raw has the winner this year, not SmackDown. SD wrestlers won the last two Rumbles and they pointed that exact fact out on Raw with Taz and Michelle Cole. This year is Raw's turn. I know a lot of you are probably crying out "What about Eddie?" Reality check. Eddie's time in the spotlight has passed like a Taco Bell dinner through Moh. And no, he doesn't have to go to Watertown to get that Taco Bell either. (,,,,,,,,,,,,)

HBK - No, sorry Matt, he's not going to chock up a third win this year. Besides, he doesn't need it.

Kane - Has been impressive before in Rumbles past but it's not going to happen.

Gene Snitsky - See Kane minus the past - obviously.

Chris Jericho & Chris Benoit - All of the wrestling traditionalists are just waiting for Jericho or Benoit to come from out of nowhere and reclaim the gold for the glory of mat technicians and natural talents of yore. Once again, these guys' time has passed. Maybe Jericho can squeeze one out before he retires but that's only if Trips dies a bloody death in a horrible plane crash and the other passengers have to eat his remains to stay alive waiting for help. The days of innate talent being the major factor in how well a wrestler does in his career are long over. Wake up. Why do you think AJ Styles is still pimping his act in TNA instead of in the big league WWE? Well that and his mic skills suck harder than Jenna Jameson working overtime.

Sorry got on a tangent there. My bad, my bad. Don't worry I'm sure I'll be treated to an AJ defense sooner or later. Back to the picks.

Ric Flair - No.

Batista - "Batisita's going to win the Rumble", "Batista's going to face Triple H at WrestleMania". Sound familiar? Yeah thought so. Isn't it great when the answer is just that easy. However, Batista will not win the Rumble. Why? It's too obvious. The Internet has been buzzing about Batista being the last man standing in the ring after all 30 men have entered and the WWE knows it. Batista will be in the final four and will probably be the last man eliminated. Who will eliminate him?

Edge - Here is the money pick. Ever since Taboo Tuesday, Edge has come to within inches of winning the title before it gets ripped from his hands. He's been the only one to focus on winning the World Title for the last 2-3 months now without losing focus to current storyline feuds. It's always been "I'll beat (opponent du jour) AND THEN win the WWE World Title". Want more proof Edge is going to take it? Ok, how about Shawn Michaels coming out and telling Edge that instead of crying and whining for a shot, that maybe Edge should try to EARN a title shot. A challenge to earn a title shot 2 weeks before the Royal Rumble? Hmmmm. Oh and did it strike anyone else that Edge was the only Raw entrant to get interview time to cut a promo strictly about winning the Rumble? I caught it. Whatever happens after Rumble, I don't know. But my money's on Edge. Any takers?
Winner: Edge

I welcome (with some reserves) your thoughts........

 

[Ryan W]

I wont agree or disagree with anything said - as I don't watch wrestling anymore that much. In fact in the past couple of years i've not watched any wrestling at all, this year i watch the occasional show just to see what they're doing with storylines and what not.

Why don't I watch it anymore, well, see above post. It all got to be too predictable. I miss the days where you would watch a PPV and something huge would happen or be announced and you'd literally stand up and be like what? are you kidding me? thats crazy!. but yeah i stopped getting that feeling, so i stopped watching.. haha.

Unlike Fwrestling where, hey, you never know whats going to happen next.

 

[SamuelRoundtree]

Aren't we feeling chipper Derek, another cut and dry Pay-Per-View booked by Vince McMahon vicariously through you.

I have to be honest, the Rumble has never really been one of my favourite Pay-Per-Views. I've always been a fan of anything that ended with "Mania" and "Series", even though Taboo now comes in a close third.

One thing I have to give the WWE credit for is a strong undercard for the actual Rumble match. While 4 matches as of last night is a little skimpy, they are four quality matches unlike last years Chavo/Eddie and Brock/Hardcore classics. The fact that they moved up two matches that were originally scheduled for Mania makes me wonder what the 9 weeks between now and that warm Sunday night in Los Angeles are going to bring.

Now to my actual picks...

Casket Match: Undertaker vs Heidenreich

For me this is the easiest pick of the night. Anyone who thinks Heidenreich has been a success in this feud against Taker probably thinks the Diva Search was a good idea. The inconsistent appearances of Paul Heyman, the horrible Heidenreich promos, and the fact that Taker's character would lose whatever value it actually had left by putting over this bag of ****. I do agree that there won't be a clean finish to this match, but for once that won't matter.

My pick: Undertaker

Edge vs "HBK" Shawn Michaels

From the easiest pick of the night to the hardest pick. Unlike a certain colleague of mind *coughs Derek* I don't think Mr. Copeland will take the win in the Royal Rumble match, but I'll get off on that rant later. This is one match I wanted to see at Wrestlemania but I'll take it here. As a long time fan of Edge I like everything he's done so far in re-creating the tortured soul who has always been screwed out of all the success he thinks he deserves. It has been a long time since the creative team has had a feud go this long and provide so many good moments. True, I don't know if Shawn's knee injury is the main reason this feud has gone on so long, but in my opinion it's been a blessing in disguise. I don't think spears of superkicks will end this match. After a lot of false finishes, a ref bump or two, I think Shawn will take this match to lead to a huge "Match of the Night" type end to this feud in Los Angeles at Mania.

My pick: Shawn Michaels

Triple Threat WWE Title Match: JBL vs Kurt Angle vs The Big Show

Little known fact, on Smackdown's Roster page they have mentioned that JBL's reign as champ has lasted over 200 days now. This triple threat match has actually been built up fairly well over the past 6 weeks or so. After five years, they are finally showing that Show is the Andre of the 21st century.(If my guess is right, Matt is probably fuming at reading that comment). Last week's SD ending reminded me of the match where Andre got his hair cut back in t he 80's. The only good ending for this match is that I think BIg Show gets the pin on Kurt. My ideal set-up is that Show defends against someone at No Way Out and then Kurt fights JBL in a #1 contender's match for the WrestleMania title shot. I think it would be better for those two to be in the proposed barbed wire match than Show.

So, long story short, I think enough is enough and it's time for a change.

My pick: NEW WWE Champ, The Big Show

World Heavyweight Championship: HHH vs Randy Orton

I don't really care about this match. Both of these guys are far more entertaining talking then actually in the ring against each other. The only thing I'm glad about is that I won't have to see this match at Wrestlemania because this feud doesn't mean nearly enough to warrant that kind of spotlight. The build up has been pretty good for this one, the Flair/Orton match on Raw last night wasn't quite as good as their Taboo Tuesday match, but definitely better than the re-match they had on the Raw post TT. But as a wise grasshopper I know once said, "Don't bet against the guy banging Steph..." In a perfect world I see Randy Orton wrestling a Chris Jericho-like opponent at Wrestlemania. The promos would be pretty good, and the match would be probably be better than most.

Winner: Still your World Heavyweight Champion...HHM....

Royal Rumble Match

Here's the reason I'm not a fan of the Rumble match...I don't remember the last one where I was surprised by the winner. Last year, so much had been made about Benoit entering #1 and his "18-year journey". The year before, Brock Lesnar, had to win his spot in the rumble by beating Big Show. The year before, HHH was coming back from his quad inury.

The list of guys in the match has been messed up with due to the number of injuries on the roster right now. If you don't believe me, someone explain why Coach and Viscera have spots in the match.

There are a few guys who "could" win the match. The guys who would be a believable winner isn't a bad list...Chris Benoit, Eddie Guerrero, Kane, Edge, HBK are all believable winners. The problem for them is that their is a 6'6'', 320 pound steroid abusing freak named Dave Batista who was entered in that match last night.

The only one storyline wise who makes sense in winning this match is Batista. Evolution is about to disband, everyone knows it, and Batista winning this match puts the final nail in that coffin.

The Mania match will most likely suck, but maybe Batista puts up the shot on Raw and loses it between now and then. If that happens fine...the end of Evolution begins at the Rumble.

My pick: Batista

Side note: I figure one more SD match gets added at the tapings tonight. Probably Funaki vs Kidman or something like that for the cruiserweight belt. One brand will defend their tag straps on Heat...

 

[MattPickstock]

I'll make this short and sweet, because as with the past few Rumbles, this one is way too predictable...

-Taker over Heidenreich
-JBL over Angle and Big Show
-HBK over Edbe
-HHH over Orton
-Batista wins the Rumble

All in all, I must say that this is one of the worst build ups to a Rumble I have seen in several years. Smackdown isn't concentrating on one guy winning the Rumble, while Raw is concentrating too much on Batista to win... This is SAD! For the WWE's sake, I hope that everything I have predicted is wrong and they start to surprise me again.

 

[PaulNJ21]

This show is all about one match and that is the Rumble itself and I predict that the WWE will get this one right and Batista will win with it ending in dramatic style like back in 92.

Paul