jediPREZ
Shadowboss
M.i.a. Episode One
[updated:LAST EDITED ON Jul-24-02 AT 02:28 PM (EDT)]
"'COCKY' CRAIG MILES didn't mind that he was sitting on a stool at the Sweetwater Holiday Inn Bar and Lounge. Shielding his wandering eyes with his mirrored Oakleys, MILES stood out among the other patrons. After all, wearing Oakleys at 1:00 AM wasn't really seen much in these parts..."
"It was just another late night in Sweetwater, Texas - the usual desolate town buzzing with excitement over this week's festival...hell, the population must've tripled this week. At the Holiday Inn, a bunch of scragglers huddled together in awe of the neon colors on the television set. Here in Sweetwater, you didn't run into much class. (V/O: 'SHUT THE HELL UP!') Any other time in Sweetwater, if you went to meet the locals you'd find nothing but a bunch of lowlifes, ingrates and losers. (V/O: 'HEY, I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS!') Fueled by their cemented fates in this ******* town where time moves with such a painful, slow pace its no wonder the suicide rate is so high. (V/O: 'F--K YOU!') MILES? He's on the job. It's another case of LOST HEAT. Yeah, another one of those for the Miles Investigation Agency. The CSWA, some big wrestling business seems to have a problem. Their Tag Team Champions, Simply Stunning...they're colder than eskimo p(BLEEP!)y. Miles doesn't do the job for money, he does it 'cause that's what he's paid to do. He's a Professional and he's been brought to this stenchole of a town (V/O: 'THAT'S IT!') with his buddy Eddie Mayfield (V/O: 'SHUT IT OFF!') the SOUL founder and leader of Hot Property International to seize possession of forty pounds of gold and start a fire (V/O: 'Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to shut that off.')starting with Simply Stunning only to spread to the heart of the CSWA itself..."
(SFX: CLICK! CUTTO: MILES, with a cigarette dangling from his lip looking up at a bartender . MILES reaches down and pulls a boombox onto the bar. MILES strikes a serious pose at the camera and clicks on a button, then another click...)
"this man looked like he could help me..."
(SFX: CLICK! MILES raises his Oakleys off his eyes, looks the bartender up and down...)
MILES: "How long you been here?"
BARTENDER: "I've been here since 10 PM, you've been sitting there the whole time!"
MILES: "Listen buddy, I know where I've been. I need to know if you've seen either of these two men. (CUTTO: MILES holding up a picture of Siegfried and Roy) Their last names are Wilcox and Hardy, I'd remember their first names but I've had a lot to drink today, and I really don't care..."
BARTENDER: "For the last time, that's Siegfried and Roy! And you're talking about that tag team Simply Stunning, pal. (MILES opens his mouth, his cigarette falls to the ground) AND NO I HAVEN'T SEEN THEM EITHER!"
MILES: "But you know (with a leery eyed gaze) OF THEM."
BARTENDER: "DUH - they're the Unified Tag Team Champons, they wear the go--"
(CUTTO: MILES grabs the BARTENDER hard by the collar!)
MILES: "Yes, they wear FORTY pounds of gold my good man and they're letting it freeze faster than Ted Williams at his son-in-laws annual reunion party! Y'see , whether you know it or not those two punks have messed with the WRRRRRRRRONG people. And they KNOW it, PAL. These fairy queens have FORTY pounds of gold that will be under HOT PROPERTY soon after being located, secured and restored by the M.I.A. You know why you haven't seen them? (the BARTENDER shakes his head 'no') Because they're SCARED, buddy. What's the saying? Fool me once, shame on you - fool me twice, shame on me. What happens on THRICE, my good man?"
BARTENDER: "i-i-I don't know."
MILES: "GUESS WHAT? YOU WON'T! They know what they're up against THIS time. Their pockets are emptied and their bodies are just searchin' for a hole in the ground to hide in. If you EVER see those two punks walk in here, and don't worry they're not hard to miss. Pink sequins and tassles never fails in stating the obvious, does it? If you see those punks, you leave them this...(MILES lets go of the collar, pulls out a business card and shoves it in the BARTENDER's shirt pocket) that's the M.I.A. comin' to collect, buddy. Sorry I got a little rough, this is a sensitive subject. Any questions?"
BARTENDER: "Actually...yeah."
MILES: "What is it, boss?"
BARTENDER: "What the hell is with the boombox?"
MILES: "Huh?"
BARTENDER: "Well, you really pissed some customers off and I lost some business."
MILES: "I wasn't playing anything in the boombox..."
BARTENDER: "Than what was all that stuff about Sweetwater being so lowdown and..."
MILES: "You could hear that? Wow, I thought I was just THINKING that. Whoa, this must be what it feels like to be Aho and Trip. WEIRD."
(MILES pulls out a Newport, lights it and turns around and starts walking out the bar...SFX: CLICK!)
"MILES walked out of the bar still trying to wipe off the stench of the man he just questioned. (V/O: 'I HEARD YOU CLICK IT, ASSHOLE!') Yeah, you just don't find many smells worse than Jersey these days - but you gotta hand it to that guy, he must've really rolled around in something. Yeah, that kind of smell reminded MILES of the last time he walked into that cage with Simply Stunning. Nothing would stink like that again, not on MILES' watch. Certainly, not on Eddie's. There's too much at stake, now - and there was no stopping the M.I.A from getting his gold..."
(SFX: CLICK! FADEOUT.)
[updated:LAST EDITED ON Jul-24-02 AT 02:28 PM (EDT)]
"'COCKY' CRAIG MILES didn't mind that he was sitting on a stool at the Sweetwater Holiday Inn Bar and Lounge. Shielding his wandering eyes with his mirrored Oakleys, MILES stood out among the other patrons. After all, wearing Oakleys at 1:00 AM wasn't really seen much in these parts..."
"It was just another late night in Sweetwater, Texas - the usual desolate town buzzing with excitement over this week's festival...hell, the population must've tripled this week. At the Holiday Inn, a bunch of scragglers huddled together in awe of the neon colors on the television set. Here in Sweetwater, you didn't run into much class. (V/O: 'SHUT THE HELL UP!') Any other time in Sweetwater, if you went to meet the locals you'd find nothing but a bunch of lowlifes, ingrates and losers. (V/O: 'HEY, I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS!') Fueled by their cemented fates in this ******* town where time moves with such a painful, slow pace its no wonder the suicide rate is so high. (V/O: 'F--K YOU!') MILES? He's on the job. It's another case of LOST HEAT. Yeah, another one of those for the Miles Investigation Agency. The CSWA, some big wrestling business seems to have a problem. Their Tag Team Champions, Simply Stunning...they're colder than eskimo p(BLEEP!)y. Miles doesn't do the job for money, he does it 'cause that's what he's paid to do. He's a Professional and he's been brought to this stenchole of a town (V/O: 'THAT'S IT!') with his buddy Eddie Mayfield (V/O: 'SHUT IT OFF!') the SOUL founder and leader of Hot Property International to seize possession of forty pounds of gold and start a fire (V/O: 'Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to shut that off.')starting with Simply Stunning only to spread to the heart of the CSWA itself..."
(SFX: CLICK! CUTTO: MILES, with a cigarette dangling from his lip looking up at a bartender . MILES reaches down and pulls a boombox onto the bar. MILES strikes a serious pose at the camera and clicks on a button, then another click...)
"this man looked like he could help me..."
(SFX: CLICK! MILES raises his Oakleys off his eyes, looks the bartender up and down...)
MILES: "How long you been here?"
BARTENDER: "I've been here since 10 PM, you've been sitting there the whole time!"
MILES: "Listen buddy, I know where I've been. I need to know if you've seen either of these two men. (CUTTO: MILES holding up a picture of Siegfried and Roy) Their last names are Wilcox and Hardy, I'd remember their first names but I've had a lot to drink today, and I really don't care..."
BARTENDER: "For the last time, that's Siegfried and Roy! And you're talking about that tag team Simply Stunning, pal. (MILES opens his mouth, his cigarette falls to the ground) AND NO I HAVEN'T SEEN THEM EITHER!"
MILES: "But you know (with a leery eyed gaze) OF THEM."
BARTENDER: "DUH - they're the Unified Tag Team Champons, they wear the go--"
(CUTTO: MILES grabs the BARTENDER hard by the collar!)
MILES: "Yes, they wear FORTY pounds of gold my good man and they're letting it freeze faster than Ted Williams at his son-in-laws annual reunion party! Y'see , whether you know it or not those two punks have messed with the WRRRRRRRRONG people. And they KNOW it, PAL. These fairy queens have FORTY pounds of gold that will be under HOT PROPERTY soon after being located, secured and restored by the M.I.A. You know why you haven't seen them? (the BARTENDER shakes his head 'no') Because they're SCARED, buddy. What's the saying? Fool me once, shame on you - fool me twice, shame on me. What happens on THRICE, my good man?"
BARTENDER: "i-i-I don't know."
MILES: "GUESS WHAT? YOU WON'T! They know what they're up against THIS time. Their pockets are emptied and their bodies are just searchin' for a hole in the ground to hide in. If you EVER see those two punks walk in here, and don't worry they're not hard to miss. Pink sequins and tassles never fails in stating the obvious, does it? If you see those punks, you leave them this...(MILES lets go of the collar, pulls out a business card and shoves it in the BARTENDER's shirt pocket) that's the M.I.A. comin' to collect, buddy. Sorry I got a little rough, this is a sensitive subject. Any questions?"
BARTENDER: "Actually...yeah."
MILES: "What is it, boss?"
BARTENDER: "What the hell is with the boombox?"
MILES: "Huh?"
BARTENDER: "Well, you really pissed some customers off and I lost some business."
MILES: "I wasn't playing anything in the boombox..."
BARTENDER: "Than what was all that stuff about Sweetwater being so lowdown and..."
MILES: "You could hear that? Wow, I thought I was just THINKING that. Whoa, this must be what it feels like to be Aho and Trip. WEIRD."
(MILES pulls out a Newport, lights it and turns around and starts walking out the bar...SFX: CLICK!)
"MILES walked out of the bar still trying to wipe off the stench of the man he just questioned. (V/O: 'I HEARD YOU CLICK IT, ASSHOLE!') Yeah, you just don't find many smells worse than Jersey these days - but you gotta hand it to that guy, he must've really rolled around in something. Yeah, that kind of smell reminded MILES of the last time he walked into that cage with Simply Stunning. Nothing would stink like that again, not on MILES' watch. Certainly, not on Eddie's. There's too much at stake, now - and there was no stopping the M.I.A from getting his gold..."
(SFX: CLICK! FADEOUT.)
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