The Champ... Webcasts!
* Mr. Entertainment RP for C07.
(((FADE IN to a (almost – give it a few seconds) live web-chat! There’s a New ERA backdrop, in front of which are Jennifer Harding, and the New ERA Champion himself, Mr Entertainment. The champ has the belt over his shoulder as he sits, glancing from the screen to Jennifer so he can see what fans are saying on the Twitterverse/Enertainmentverse)))
JH: Ok, we’re going live in 30 seconds. Are you ready? Nervous?
ME: ME?
Mister Entertainment?
Nervous? Please, Jen, you know better than that. Are you OK? Lookin’ a lil’ pale.
JH: Yeah, I’m OK, thanks. It’s not every day I get to interview a new champion but I’ll be fine.
ME: Sure?
JH: Yeah. Okay, five, four, three, two
Hey fans! I’m Jennifer Harding, and my guest today is none other than the New ERA Champion, Mister Entertainment! The man who defied expectations from a lot of people and not only won Battlebrawl, but beat Shawn Hart in what many are calling the greatest match since the relaunch!
ME: Well it’s already the greatest match o’ season two.
JH: I’m sure you’ll have more great matches. We’re open for questions, so tweet us or email and we’ll get through as many as we can. The first question’s from me, though, because I really want to know, how does it feel to not only say you’re the king, but now have the title? I mean, wow!
ME: It’s a huge weight ta carry, but I’m ready fer it. I said from the beginnin’, from Cyberstrike One, tha’ I’d win this belt because New ERA needs ME
Mister Entertainment
Ta shape the company. Look at how far it’s come already, in Season One, an’ I wasn’t even Champ! I managed ta build the foundations of my New ERA so damn strong, they withstood havin’ the Wrestling Bieber as champ! But gettin’ back to the question, Mister Entertainment as New ERA champ means a lot ta my New ERA. My stayin’ champ means even more ta New ERA.
JH: Sorry to interrupt, but Julia’s just tweeted in from Wisconsin. Are you single?
ME: Yep.
JH: (((coyly))) Really…
ME: Down, girl.
JH: Next question – aren’t you worried about slipping up as champion? That’s from Tom in Delaware.
ME: Well, Tommy, here’s the thing. I ain’t the kinda guy ta worry. If ya worry ya start ta doubt, ya start ta try too hard. If ya start ta try too hard, ya make mistakes. Not ta say tha’ if yer lazy you’ll succeed, just look at Fanatic who’s too lazy ta talk. Probably too worried abou’ lookin’ like an idiot. Anyways, am I worried? Nah.
JH: But there’s no guarantee you’re going to keep the title.
ME: There’s no guarantee the world’s not gonna end tomorrow, either, but there’s more chance o’ tha’ happenin’ than there is anyone on the roster takin’ my New ERA championship.
JH: That brings us to the next tweet, actually – from CruiseFan22
ME: Hey loser!
JH: Oh… well
ME: No, no, I see what they wrote. How does it feel ta be losin’ the New ERA championship ta Cameron “I’m a Loser” Cruise.
JH: It actually just says Cameron Cruise.
ME: The middle part’s implied, hun. Well, CruiseFan22, how does it feel ta live under a bridge? But some people have active imaginations, so I’ll talk abou’ it. Cruise an’ I, we go a long way back, even in my New ERA. Now, Cam’s a talent, no doubt abou’ tha’. He’s a great cure fer insomnia. He’s a great middle-o’-the-road kinda guy. But honestly, him as a champion in New ERA? That’s a bigger ratin’s flop waitin’ ta happen than anything the Wrestling Bieber coulda done.
JH: But Cruise does have several wins from season one.
ME: Yeah. Against the Puppy of War! Against a guy who’s turned inta such a gentleman, he’s a doormat! The guy showed up against Fanatic an’ what happened? He lost.
But… I guess I can look past that. I can look past the fact he didn’t win the Battle Brawl. I can look past the fact he’s a glorified jerker. Because I think everyone deserves at least fifteen minutes in the spotlight! Everyone deserves ta go one-on-one with the champion, ME
Mister Entertainment.
Everybody deserves a decent pay cheque. An’ with the ratin’s fer the unveilin’ o’ my statue sure ta be through the ROOF, Cam’s been given the biggest pay cheque he’s ever gonna get.
JH: CruiseFan22 again – and I don’t think the FCC would let me say that!
ME: No they would not. I’d have ta spank ya if ya did. But, CruiseFan22, if that’s yer real name (Cameron Cruise), the difference between ME
Mister Entertainment
An’ you – is tha’ I’m a giver. I’m also the only person in New ERA today who’s strong enough an’ talented enough ta carry the company every step o’ the way right to the top! Ya know, the place New ERA deserves ta be? How’s Cruise gonna manage tha’? By writin’ really bad cheques tha’ the bank just… won’t like? By makin’ people change the channel ta see reruns o’ The Price… is Right? With Cruise at the helm, the New ERA Championship would be steered inta an iceberg tha’ he’ll claim was just… out of sight!
JH: What’re you doing?
ME: I’ve got thousands o’ Cruise-a-like phrases. Runnin’ some out. Whenever I need a laugh or I can’t sleep, I think o’ the funniest thing imaginable, an’ that’s always Cameron Cruise.
JH: I know he’s always been kind of the fall guy for the business, but going back to what you said earlier about not worrying too much, aren’t you being overconfident? Cruise did win a banked shot, and he’s getting his chance in your first defence.
ME: Notice how ya just said “first defence”? Tha’ shows tha’ you don’t think Cammy’s gonna beat ME
Mister Entertainment.
And you’d be… quite right.
JH: Another Cruise-ism?
ME: I said I’ve got thousands, an’ he’s steals them from David Caruso anyway.
But getting back to yer question, no. I don’t think I’m bein’ overconfident. I’ve wrestled Cruise, I’ve beaten Cruise. I met him in the ring at Battle Brawl, an’ he didn’t win, did he? No. The trophy’s lookin’ great in my trophy cabinet, just like my statue, celebratin’ my New ERA, is gonna look sweet when we unveil it.
JH: We?
ME: I need a beautiful assistant or two ta help. I might ask Natalie ta help out, but you’ll be there, won’t ya?
JH: Erm… sure.
ME: Good girl.
But no. Cruise? Champion in my New ERA? It ain’t gonna happen.
JH: OK. We’re going to take a break in a minute, give the champ a rest, but one more question, and this is from Megan in the UK!
ME: (((checks his watch))) Woah! Thanks fer stayin’ up so late!
JH: As New ERA Champion, do you think New ERA will ever do an international tour again?
ME: With ME
Mister Entertainment
As champ? Sure! Maybe in a season or two. But with anyone else? No chance. Not fer a long, long time. There’s some great talent on the roster – an’ some like Cam who just grate – but nobody, and I mean nobody has the skills ta do what must be done. Only I do. I’m the king. I’m the guy people look up ta. An’… it’s time fer ME
Mister Entertainment
Ta remind people o’ their place, and if they don’t like it? They can take their place alongside Adrian Willard an’ the Puppy of War on the breadline.
JH: Which is where Cruise could find himself soon?
ME: Nah. Every King needs his Jester.
JH: Cool. Well, we’ll be back soon, so keep those tweets coming in!
(((FADE OUT)))