TBirdSCIL
League Member
(FADE-IN: The camera shows the Cannonball Kidd getting loose in the hallway when
"Showtime" Steven James exits a bathroom behind him. The Kidd turns and speaks as James has an intense look on his face.)
Cannonball Kidd: “’Showtime’ Steven James...you know, you're not the person I was looking for, but I'm kind of glad I ran into you anyway. Now see, just a short while ago, you decided it would be a really great idea to sneak attack me after my match. Now obviously, Showtime, I know a cry for help when I see one, and that was nothing if it wasn't a cry for help. But the fact of the matter is, you missed your chance for self-actualization when you rejected my program the first time. I still want to help people, but right now, I've got bigger people with bigger problems to deal with, and you'll do nothing but drag me down. If you really want to be self-actualized, get in line...I'm sure I'll get to you eventually, but right now I've got Jared Wells to deal with and can't be bothered by the likes of you. I'm a Man with a Message, Showtime...and right now, that Message is 'stay out of my way.'”
(Cannonball then walks off as James stares him down. Cannonball walks past Lady Veronica on her way towards the locker room. She walks past Steven James as well, before turning a corner and meeting Jared Wells. They shake hands, and Lady Veronica signals the camera to focus in for the interview.)
LADY VERONICA: "I'm here with Jared Wells, and Jared, I have to ask you, what are your thoughts on Larry Tact and his recent comments and actions towards you in GLCW?"
JARED WELLS: "I knew when I came back to wrestling my past would haunt me. Larry Tact, what's goin' on dude? As I was walking back to the locker room a couple of weeks ago I see you pop your head out and take cheap shots about my life. Fine. I got no problem with that. I deserve it in some ways. But who the hell are you to tell me about my past? I know who you are pal, and I've seen your work in the ring. Since you’re a big star in the GLCW, and I'm lookin' to get back to the top, how about we jump into the ring and bang heads? JARED WELLS against LARRY TACT baby! Hell why don't we have it at the big Pay-Per-View K.K. just announced?? I'm lookin' to earn RESPECT 'round here. And after it is all said'n done. The millions of fans 'n the RAGE will be standing over your body thinking if we should let you take that last breath of air? Maybe we will, but probably not. The contract is open, TIME HAS COME TO RAGE, that's all I got to say 'bout that BRAH!"
(CUT-TO: Tony Ross, Rick Wiseman, and Jake Shades sitting behind the announcers’ table. Jake Shades seems to be convulsing and grabbing his own throat.)
JAKE SHADES: “Ack! Ugh! Oh? It’s over? Excellent. I couldn’t take anymore of that Jared Wells. Manson must be passed out in the back somewhere after that bastardISM of the English language!”
TONY ROSS: “Bastardism, eh Jake? Regardless, Wells has laid out the challenge to Larry Tact for Ringlords 1: Minnesota Mayhem. Now we just have to wait and see if Larry Tact will take the challenge.”
J.S.: “If Larry Tact will accept the challenge? Larry Tact doesn’t need to concern himself with Wells. Tact is a man of honor, respect, and class. It takes a guy like that to recognize one. Wells’ “open contract” is nothing more than toilet paper for a man like Larry Tact.”
RICK WISEMAN: “Maybe so, but Jared Wells is a respected and revered superstar in this sport, and Larry Tact still has a lot to prove. Larry could use Jared’s challenge as a way to get himself really noticed by the higher-ups. Malec certainly would take note of a supercard victory over a competitor like Jared Wells.”
J.S.: “That is, if Wells makes it through Cannonball Kidd. Cannonball tried to help out Wells, and we just saw how he tried to help out Steven James. There’s a guy to look up to, trying to help out other, “less-fortunate” so-called “athletes” of the GLCW. But NOOOOO, Wells doesn’t heed Cannonball’s “plan,” and so now he’s going to pay the price.”
T.R.: “We’ll see about that Jake. Let’s go to Matt Faley who is ready to announce this match.”
(CUT-TO: Matt Faley in the ring.)
MATT FALEY: “Now’s the time for our next match, coming to the ring now” (CUE-UP: SFX “Cannon,” and “Wonderboy” by Tenacious D.) “Hailing from St. Paul, Minnesota and weighing in at 216 pounds… the CANNONBALL KIIIID!”
(The crowd mostly boos as the Cannonball Kidd makes his way down the ramp. He’s dressed in his blue/green singlet and trademark flight goggles. He gives off a sarcastic smile to the crowd, as if he believes them to be cheering him on. He slides in under the ropes, and stands in the corner.)
M.F.: “And his opponent,” (CUE-UP: “Cochise” by Audioslave.) “weighing in at 255 pounds, and coming from Miami, Florida… he is the “Rage O’ Fire”… he is JARED WELLS!”
(Crowd pops pretty big for Wells as he makes his way down the ring wearing his orange and black tights. He waves to the crowds, and then focuses right in on the Cannonball Kidd in the ring. Wells picks up his pace, and slides in under the ropes, only to be met with punches from the Cannonball Kidd.)
R.W.: “And the Cannonball Kidd getting right in there, cutting Wells off at the pass. He’s really laying into Wells with those right hands, despite the weight disadvantage.”
J.S.: “This fart Jared Wells doesn’t have a PRAYER against Cannonball. The Kidd has FLIGHT GOGGLES for Christ’s sake, you CAN’T mess with that!”
T.R.: “Jared finally getting his bearings, and returning a few punches to the head of Cannonball, before whipping him to the ropes, and laying Kidd out with a hard shoulder block.”
R.W.: “Kidd is quick to get up, and runs underneath a lariat from Wells. The two now stand across the ring in a stare down, and Wells attacks. He locks in with Kidd, and has him up! A HUGE suplex from Wells, and Kidd bounced halfway across the ring.”
T.R.: “Wells looks to be going for another big suplex, he signals for it. KIDD REVERSES INTO A SMALL PACKAGE! 1… NO! Kidd almost pulls one right out from Wells, but it’s too early in the match for Wells to go down. Both men are up.”
R.W.: “Irish whip again from Wells, Cannonball leaps over Wells, comes back with a slow bulldog. WELLS CAUGHT! Lays Kidd OUT with a fierce sideslam. Wells with the cover. 1…2… and Kidd gets his foot on the rope. Wells drags towards the middle of the ring, and another pin attempt. 1… and a kick out from Kidd.”
J.S.: “What is Wells thinking? He’s gonna put the Kidd out with a weak slam? And pin him twice? What is he smoking out there? Now, if he just got his life straight and followed Cannonball Kidd’s “Guide to Self-Actualization,” he could turn it all around.”
T.R.: “Jared Wells has been in this business for ages. I don’t think he needs to be taking tips from the newcomer in Cannonball Kidd.”
J.S.: “Yeah, we’ll see about that Ross. You know, for just $39.95 plus shipping, I could get you a copy of Cannonball Kidd’s “Guide to Self-Actualization.” Unfortunately for you, the “Guide” doesn’t deal much with 'limp-ness.'”
T.R.: “You know what Jake? Ah… forget it.”
J.S.: “Aw Tony, what’s a matter?”
T.R.: “Suffice to say, I couldn’t have missed you being around ANY LESS!”
J.S.: “Aw Ross, I missed ya too. Heh heh heh.”
R.W.: “Back in the ring, Kidd is still being controlled by the bigger Wells. Wells with scoop slam, followed by a hard elbow, and another! Wells hoists him up again, and hits a THUNDEROUS sidewalk slam! He holds on to the legs, and puts Kidd in an ankle lock!”
T.R.: “He’s got that lock on pretty tight, and Referee Al Marinaro is checking in for the submission. Kidd is fighting it off tooth and nail!
J.S.: “The Kidd won’t give up. Wells is an old fogey who needs to get beat before he loses control of his bladder.”
T.R.: ”Kidd reaching out for the ropes, he’s ALMOST THERE!”
R.W.: “A few more inches, and Kidd will get the rope break. Marinaro in great position to see the submission and the ropebreak.”
J.S.: “There won’t be no stinkin’ submission, Wise-ass.”
R.W.: “WiseMAN. And you may be right Jake, as Kidd looks to be within range of the ropes… he reaches… NO! Wells drags him RIGHT BACK into the CENTER of the ring! Cannonball looks to be in A LOT of pain!”
J.S.: “Come on! Get up Kidd! Remember the SELF-ACTUALIZATION!”
T.R.: “Kidd pulling himself to his knees, now propping himself on one foot.
J.S.: “Here we go, this is it right here.”
R.W.: “Kidd goes for an enziguri! Wells ducks, and let’s go of the ankle lock. Wells with the superkick, Kidd catches it, and hits that enziguri!”
T.R.: “He hit Wells square in the jaw with that one, and Wells is still down from the shot. Kidd goes up to the top, and goes for his MOONSAULT BODYBLOCK! He NAILS IT! Wells is pretty much in “La-La Land” as Cannonball rolls him up in a pin. 1… and he’s GOT THE TIGHTS…2…3!! NO!! NO! Wells got his shoulder up at 2! The Cannonball Kidd CAN’T BELIEVE IT! He’s arguing with Marinaro, and Wells comes up with a schoolboy! 1…2… and Kidd kicks out of it! Kidd hops up, enraged, and Irish whips a still groggy Wells into the turnbuckle. TORNADO DDT FROM KIDD! Wells is out of it!”
J.S.: “This is it right here, ladies. Kidd is gonna put this one AWAY!”
T.R.: “Another pin attempt, with Cannonball getting his feet on the lower rope! 1…2… and Wells kicks out AGAIN! Cannonball now applying a sleeper. Now he’s got his legs around Wells, choking the life out of him! The crowd trying to get behind Wells, but Wells looks REALLY out of it. Marinaro checks in on Wells, but Cannonball releases the hold, and pulls Wells up. He unleashes a fury of rapid martial arts kicks, before slamming Wells DEAD ON with a roundhouse to the HEAD!”
R.W.: “Kidd seems to really be in control here, and he is going up top, and it looks like he’s going to try for the “Crater Creator” 450 frog splash. He plays to the crowd, takes a look at the downed Wells, and LEAPS!”
J.S.: “Ring the bell, this is it right here kids.”
T.R.: “Wells gets the KNEES UP. Cannonball coming in hot off that 450-frog splash, and feeling Wells’ kneecaps right in his gut. Kidd is clenching his midsection as he rolls around on the mat. Wells is slow to get up, but does the crowd really getting behind him. He hoists Kidd up in an over-the-shoulder half-crab. This is putting a lot of pressure on the already worked leg and torso of the Cannonball Kidd!”
J.S.: “…”
R.W.: “And Wells powerslams Kidd down to the mat with authority. He’s signaling that he’s going up top as well. Wells is quick up the turnbuckle, and quick to jump off with elbow to the abdomen of Kidd. Kidd has GOT to be hurting right here!”
T.R.: “Wells must think this one’s all over, as he’s now catering a bit to the crowd, and the crowd is just eating it up. Finally Wells goes for the pin, but Kidd is too close to the ropes, and the Marinaro doesn’t even get down to make the count as he calls for the rope break. Wells is up, and drags Cannonball to the center of the ring.”
J.S.: “Oooh, déjà vu.”
R.W.: “Aw damn, I thought you figured out the correct setting for your mouth.”
J.S.: “You bet WiseAss, I was just silenced by a sweet honey in the crowd giving me the “eye,” if you know what I mean. You know, that same look your St. Bernard gives you before it starts humping your leg.”
R.W.: “A sweet honey, eh? Where’s she at Shades?”
J.S.: “Oh, she’s spoken for Ricky. Besides, she’s not your type.”
R.W.: “Oh really?”
J.S.: “Yep. She’s not like your little “Angel,” no slobbery balls in her mouth. That’s a sick practice Rick, by the way. It’s gotta be cruelty to animals, even if your dog is the one ‘making the first move.’”
R.W.: “…”
T.R.: “Hmm… yeah. Wells picks up the downed Cannonball, and hits a MASSIVE POWERBOMB!! WOW! Kidd folded up like an origami Christmas card.”
J.S.: “You’ve got something against Asians, Tony? I never knew you had it in ya. Now, I knew you had big black men in ya, but never Asians…”
T.R.: “…and NOW Wells is setting up for the RAGE DROP! He hauls Cannonball up, but Cannonball reverses! SITDOWN FACESLAM! Both men look out of it as Marinaro starts the ten count. 1… 2… 3… 4…”
R.W.: “Wells is stirring, as is Cannonball.”
T.R.: “…5…6… and Wells is on his feet. Cannonball grabs the ropes, and pulls himself up. Wells dives after Cannonball, and Kidd pulls down the top rope, and Wells is spilled to the outside. Cannonball revs up, hits the far rope and is coming at Wells with a head of steam. He jumps, and crossbody blocks Wells! Both men tumble to floor. Kidd is up quick, and rolls Wells in the ring. He springboards from the apron on to the top rope, and hits a moonsault on the down Wells! THE PIN!!! 1…2… and AGAIN WELLS GETS HIS FOOT ON THE ROPE! CANNONBALL is IRATE!!!”
J.S.: “As he should be! Wells didn’t even have his WHOLE foot on the ropes!”
T.R.: “You don’t need your whole foot on the rop… WELLS with a HUGE BELLY-TO-BELLY OUT OF NOWHERE!!!! Where did that come from?! Now listen to this crowd as Wells comes up with a second wind!!!
J.S.: “The fans are dumb as rocks with teeth Tony… and this crowd looks like it forgot that part about the teeth… ew…”
R.W.: “Cannonball has been trying everything to put Wells away, grabbing the tights, feet on the ropes, but Wells has just been SO resilient, and these cheers certainly seem to be giving Jared Wells that extra edge in the clinch-moments.”
T.R.: “Certainly seems that way Rick, Wells has got the whole crowd behind him as he sends to the turnbuckle, and slams him with a big body splash in the corner. He slings Cannonball into the opposite corner, and plays again to the crowd.”
J.S.: “Dumb, fan ass-kisser… WHO NEEDS EM? And the fans? GAG ME!”
R.W.: “Wells stomps his foot like a bull as he guns into the corner after Cannonball! Cannonball moves out of the way and rolls up Wells as he rebounds off the turnbuckle!! Cannonball gets his feet up on the second rope for leverage!!! 1…2…3!!!!! Marinaro calls for the bell as Cannonball darts out of the ring and runs to the back like his life depends on it!”
T.R.: “And it does, as Wells is in HOT PURSUIT!”
M.F.: “Ladies and gentlemen, your winner, the Cannonball Kidd” (CUE-UP: “Wonderboy,” but Cannonball is already backstage.)
J.S.: “As is the norm, I am right, and you two schmucks sit around with your thumbs up your asses and your poor pets your only sexual playthings. Now, if Wells had just LISTENED to Kidd, or focused on THIS match instead of LARRY TACT, maybe he could have had a chance. But he didn’t, so he gets embarrassed. Serves him right.”
R.W.: “…”
T.R.: “At any rate, we’ve got to go to a commercial. Coming up next, two greats face off when Anarky goes up against Jared Justice.
J.S.: “ANOTHER Jared? Oh well, just another loss for another Jared. ANARKY RULES! THE JAKE HAS SPOKEN!”
(Fade to a commercial for “Wired” in Flint, Michigan. See www.glcw.com for more details.)
"Showtime" Steven James exits a bathroom behind him. The Kidd turns and speaks as James has an intense look on his face.)
Cannonball Kidd: “’Showtime’ Steven James...you know, you're not the person I was looking for, but I'm kind of glad I ran into you anyway. Now see, just a short while ago, you decided it would be a really great idea to sneak attack me after my match. Now obviously, Showtime, I know a cry for help when I see one, and that was nothing if it wasn't a cry for help. But the fact of the matter is, you missed your chance for self-actualization when you rejected my program the first time. I still want to help people, but right now, I've got bigger people with bigger problems to deal with, and you'll do nothing but drag me down. If you really want to be self-actualized, get in line...I'm sure I'll get to you eventually, but right now I've got Jared Wells to deal with and can't be bothered by the likes of you. I'm a Man with a Message, Showtime...and right now, that Message is 'stay out of my way.'”
(Cannonball then walks off as James stares him down. Cannonball walks past Lady Veronica on her way towards the locker room. She walks past Steven James as well, before turning a corner and meeting Jared Wells. They shake hands, and Lady Veronica signals the camera to focus in for the interview.)
LADY VERONICA: "I'm here with Jared Wells, and Jared, I have to ask you, what are your thoughts on Larry Tact and his recent comments and actions towards you in GLCW?"
JARED WELLS: "I knew when I came back to wrestling my past would haunt me. Larry Tact, what's goin' on dude? As I was walking back to the locker room a couple of weeks ago I see you pop your head out and take cheap shots about my life. Fine. I got no problem with that. I deserve it in some ways. But who the hell are you to tell me about my past? I know who you are pal, and I've seen your work in the ring. Since you’re a big star in the GLCW, and I'm lookin' to get back to the top, how about we jump into the ring and bang heads? JARED WELLS against LARRY TACT baby! Hell why don't we have it at the big Pay-Per-View K.K. just announced?? I'm lookin' to earn RESPECT 'round here. And after it is all said'n done. The millions of fans 'n the RAGE will be standing over your body thinking if we should let you take that last breath of air? Maybe we will, but probably not. The contract is open, TIME HAS COME TO RAGE, that's all I got to say 'bout that BRAH!"
(CUT-TO: Tony Ross, Rick Wiseman, and Jake Shades sitting behind the announcers’ table. Jake Shades seems to be convulsing and grabbing his own throat.)
JAKE SHADES: “Ack! Ugh! Oh? It’s over? Excellent. I couldn’t take anymore of that Jared Wells. Manson must be passed out in the back somewhere after that bastardISM of the English language!”
TONY ROSS: “Bastardism, eh Jake? Regardless, Wells has laid out the challenge to Larry Tact for Ringlords 1: Minnesota Mayhem. Now we just have to wait and see if Larry Tact will take the challenge.”
J.S.: “If Larry Tact will accept the challenge? Larry Tact doesn’t need to concern himself with Wells. Tact is a man of honor, respect, and class. It takes a guy like that to recognize one. Wells’ “open contract” is nothing more than toilet paper for a man like Larry Tact.”
RICK WISEMAN: “Maybe so, but Jared Wells is a respected and revered superstar in this sport, and Larry Tact still has a lot to prove. Larry could use Jared’s challenge as a way to get himself really noticed by the higher-ups. Malec certainly would take note of a supercard victory over a competitor like Jared Wells.”
J.S.: “That is, if Wells makes it through Cannonball Kidd. Cannonball tried to help out Wells, and we just saw how he tried to help out Steven James. There’s a guy to look up to, trying to help out other, “less-fortunate” so-called “athletes” of the GLCW. But NOOOOO, Wells doesn’t heed Cannonball’s “plan,” and so now he’s going to pay the price.”
T.R.: “We’ll see about that Jake. Let’s go to Matt Faley who is ready to announce this match.”
(CUT-TO: Matt Faley in the ring.)
MATT FALEY: “Now’s the time for our next match, coming to the ring now” (CUE-UP: SFX “Cannon,” and “Wonderboy” by Tenacious D.) “Hailing from St. Paul, Minnesota and weighing in at 216 pounds… the CANNONBALL KIIIID!”
(The crowd mostly boos as the Cannonball Kidd makes his way down the ramp. He’s dressed in his blue/green singlet and trademark flight goggles. He gives off a sarcastic smile to the crowd, as if he believes them to be cheering him on. He slides in under the ropes, and stands in the corner.)
M.F.: “And his opponent,” (CUE-UP: “Cochise” by Audioslave.) “weighing in at 255 pounds, and coming from Miami, Florida… he is the “Rage O’ Fire”… he is JARED WELLS!”
(Crowd pops pretty big for Wells as he makes his way down the ring wearing his orange and black tights. He waves to the crowds, and then focuses right in on the Cannonball Kidd in the ring. Wells picks up his pace, and slides in under the ropes, only to be met with punches from the Cannonball Kidd.)
R.W.: “And the Cannonball Kidd getting right in there, cutting Wells off at the pass. He’s really laying into Wells with those right hands, despite the weight disadvantage.”
J.S.: “This fart Jared Wells doesn’t have a PRAYER against Cannonball. The Kidd has FLIGHT GOGGLES for Christ’s sake, you CAN’T mess with that!”
T.R.: “Jared finally getting his bearings, and returning a few punches to the head of Cannonball, before whipping him to the ropes, and laying Kidd out with a hard shoulder block.”
R.W.: “Kidd is quick to get up, and runs underneath a lariat from Wells. The two now stand across the ring in a stare down, and Wells attacks. He locks in with Kidd, and has him up! A HUGE suplex from Wells, and Kidd bounced halfway across the ring.”
T.R.: “Wells looks to be going for another big suplex, he signals for it. KIDD REVERSES INTO A SMALL PACKAGE! 1… NO! Kidd almost pulls one right out from Wells, but it’s too early in the match for Wells to go down. Both men are up.”
R.W.: “Irish whip again from Wells, Cannonball leaps over Wells, comes back with a slow bulldog. WELLS CAUGHT! Lays Kidd OUT with a fierce sideslam. Wells with the cover. 1…2… and Kidd gets his foot on the rope. Wells drags towards the middle of the ring, and another pin attempt. 1… and a kick out from Kidd.”
J.S.: “What is Wells thinking? He’s gonna put the Kidd out with a weak slam? And pin him twice? What is he smoking out there? Now, if he just got his life straight and followed Cannonball Kidd’s “Guide to Self-Actualization,” he could turn it all around.”
T.R.: “Jared Wells has been in this business for ages. I don’t think he needs to be taking tips from the newcomer in Cannonball Kidd.”
J.S.: “Yeah, we’ll see about that Ross. You know, for just $39.95 plus shipping, I could get you a copy of Cannonball Kidd’s “Guide to Self-Actualization.” Unfortunately for you, the “Guide” doesn’t deal much with 'limp-ness.'”
T.R.: “You know what Jake? Ah… forget it.”
J.S.: “Aw Tony, what’s a matter?”
T.R.: “Suffice to say, I couldn’t have missed you being around ANY LESS!”
J.S.: “Aw Ross, I missed ya too. Heh heh heh.”
R.W.: “Back in the ring, Kidd is still being controlled by the bigger Wells. Wells with scoop slam, followed by a hard elbow, and another! Wells hoists him up again, and hits a THUNDEROUS sidewalk slam! He holds on to the legs, and puts Kidd in an ankle lock!”
T.R.: “He’s got that lock on pretty tight, and Referee Al Marinaro is checking in for the submission. Kidd is fighting it off tooth and nail!
J.S.: “The Kidd won’t give up. Wells is an old fogey who needs to get beat before he loses control of his bladder.”
T.R.: ”Kidd reaching out for the ropes, he’s ALMOST THERE!”
R.W.: “A few more inches, and Kidd will get the rope break. Marinaro in great position to see the submission and the ropebreak.”
J.S.: “There won’t be no stinkin’ submission, Wise-ass.”
R.W.: “WiseMAN. And you may be right Jake, as Kidd looks to be within range of the ropes… he reaches… NO! Wells drags him RIGHT BACK into the CENTER of the ring! Cannonball looks to be in A LOT of pain!”
J.S.: “Come on! Get up Kidd! Remember the SELF-ACTUALIZATION!”
T.R.: “Kidd pulling himself to his knees, now propping himself on one foot.
J.S.: “Here we go, this is it right here.”
R.W.: “Kidd goes for an enziguri! Wells ducks, and let’s go of the ankle lock. Wells with the superkick, Kidd catches it, and hits that enziguri!”
T.R.: “He hit Wells square in the jaw with that one, and Wells is still down from the shot. Kidd goes up to the top, and goes for his MOONSAULT BODYBLOCK! He NAILS IT! Wells is pretty much in “La-La Land” as Cannonball rolls him up in a pin. 1… and he’s GOT THE TIGHTS…2…3!! NO!! NO! Wells got his shoulder up at 2! The Cannonball Kidd CAN’T BELIEVE IT! He’s arguing with Marinaro, and Wells comes up with a schoolboy! 1…2… and Kidd kicks out of it! Kidd hops up, enraged, and Irish whips a still groggy Wells into the turnbuckle. TORNADO DDT FROM KIDD! Wells is out of it!”
J.S.: “This is it right here, ladies. Kidd is gonna put this one AWAY!”
T.R.: “Another pin attempt, with Cannonball getting his feet on the lower rope! 1…2… and Wells kicks out AGAIN! Cannonball now applying a sleeper. Now he’s got his legs around Wells, choking the life out of him! The crowd trying to get behind Wells, but Wells looks REALLY out of it. Marinaro checks in on Wells, but Cannonball releases the hold, and pulls Wells up. He unleashes a fury of rapid martial arts kicks, before slamming Wells DEAD ON with a roundhouse to the HEAD!”
R.W.: “Kidd seems to really be in control here, and he is going up top, and it looks like he’s going to try for the “Crater Creator” 450 frog splash. He plays to the crowd, takes a look at the downed Wells, and LEAPS!”
J.S.: “Ring the bell, this is it right here kids.”
T.R.: “Wells gets the KNEES UP. Cannonball coming in hot off that 450-frog splash, and feeling Wells’ kneecaps right in his gut. Kidd is clenching his midsection as he rolls around on the mat. Wells is slow to get up, but does the crowd really getting behind him. He hoists Kidd up in an over-the-shoulder half-crab. This is putting a lot of pressure on the already worked leg and torso of the Cannonball Kidd!”
J.S.: “…”
R.W.: “And Wells powerslams Kidd down to the mat with authority. He’s signaling that he’s going up top as well. Wells is quick up the turnbuckle, and quick to jump off with elbow to the abdomen of Kidd. Kidd has GOT to be hurting right here!”
T.R.: “Wells must think this one’s all over, as he’s now catering a bit to the crowd, and the crowd is just eating it up. Finally Wells goes for the pin, but Kidd is too close to the ropes, and the Marinaro doesn’t even get down to make the count as he calls for the rope break. Wells is up, and drags Cannonball to the center of the ring.”
J.S.: “Oooh, déjà vu.”
R.W.: “Aw damn, I thought you figured out the correct setting for your mouth.”
J.S.: “You bet WiseAss, I was just silenced by a sweet honey in the crowd giving me the “eye,” if you know what I mean. You know, that same look your St. Bernard gives you before it starts humping your leg.”
R.W.: “A sweet honey, eh? Where’s she at Shades?”
J.S.: “Oh, she’s spoken for Ricky. Besides, she’s not your type.”
R.W.: “Oh really?”
J.S.: “Yep. She’s not like your little “Angel,” no slobbery balls in her mouth. That’s a sick practice Rick, by the way. It’s gotta be cruelty to animals, even if your dog is the one ‘making the first move.’”
R.W.: “…”
T.R.: “Hmm… yeah. Wells picks up the downed Cannonball, and hits a MASSIVE POWERBOMB!! WOW! Kidd folded up like an origami Christmas card.”
J.S.: “You’ve got something against Asians, Tony? I never knew you had it in ya. Now, I knew you had big black men in ya, but never Asians…”
T.R.: “…and NOW Wells is setting up for the RAGE DROP! He hauls Cannonball up, but Cannonball reverses! SITDOWN FACESLAM! Both men look out of it as Marinaro starts the ten count. 1… 2… 3… 4…”
R.W.: “Wells is stirring, as is Cannonball.”
T.R.: “…5…6… and Wells is on his feet. Cannonball grabs the ropes, and pulls himself up. Wells dives after Cannonball, and Kidd pulls down the top rope, and Wells is spilled to the outside. Cannonball revs up, hits the far rope and is coming at Wells with a head of steam. He jumps, and crossbody blocks Wells! Both men tumble to floor. Kidd is up quick, and rolls Wells in the ring. He springboards from the apron on to the top rope, and hits a moonsault on the down Wells! THE PIN!!! 1…2… and AGAIN WELLS GETS HIS FOOT ON THE ROPE! CANNONBALL is IRATE!!!”
J.S.: “As he should be! Wells didn’t even have his WHOLE foot on the ropes!”
T.R.: “You don’t need your whole foot on the rop… WELLS with a HUGE BELLY-TO-BELLY OUT OF NOWHERE!!!! Where did that come from?! Now listen to this crowd as Wells comes up with a second wind!!!
J.S.: “The fans are dumb as rocks with teeth Tony… and this crowd looks like it forgot that part about the teeth… ew…”
R.W.: “Cannonball has been trying everything to put Wells away, grabbing the tights, feet on the ropes, but Wells has just been SO resilient, and these cheers certainly seem to be giving Jared Wells that extra edge in the clinch-moments.”
T.R.: “Certainly seems that way Rick, Wells has got the whole crowd behind him as he sends to the turnbuckle, and slams him with a big body splash in the corner. He slings Cannonball into the opposite corner, and plays again to the crowd.”
J.S.: “Dumb, fan ass-kisser… WHO NEEDS EM? And the fans? GAG ME!”
R.W.: “Wells stomps his foot like a bull as he guns into the corner after Cannonball! Cannonball moves out of the way and rolls up Wells as he rebounds off the turnbuckle!! Cannonball gets his feet up on the second rope for leverage!!! 1…2…3!!!!! Marinaro calls for the bell as Cannonball darts out of the ring and runs to the back like his life depends on it!”
T.R.: “And it does, as Wells is in HOT PURSUIT!”
M.F.: “Ladies and gentlemen, your winner, the Cannonball Kidd” (CUE-UP: “Wonderboy,” but Cannonball is already backstage.)
J.S.: “As is the norm, I am right, and you two schmucks sit around with your thumbs up your asses and your poor pets your only sexual playthings. Now, if Wells had just LISTENED to Kidd, or focused on THIS match instead of LARRY TACT, maybe he could have had a chance. But he didn’t, so he gets embarrassed. Serves him right.”
R.W.: “…”
T.R.: “At any rate, we’ve got to go to a commercial. Coming up next, two greats face off when Anarky goes up against Jared Justice.
J.S.: “ANOTHER Jared? Oh well, just another loss for another Jared. ANARKY RULES! THE JAKE HAS SPOKEN!”
(Fade to a commercial for “Wired” in Flint, Michigan. See www.glcw.com for more details.)