Shawn Hart vs. Jimmy Donovan

[thegr817deuce]

Singles Match.

The RP deadline will be Friday, November 3rd at 11:59 PM.

 

[ShawnHartXXX]

FADE IN: UCW's newest grappler, SHAWN JESSICA HART, PhD., is standing before the company's logo; locked, cocked and ready to unload an 80's style rant in two minutes or less.

HART: "UC-Dub! UC-Dub! UC-Dub!! That's right, nnnnnnnndaddio!! Starting this week, the latest sensation to hit our nation - makin' girlies feel the Phenomulation, the Prime Minister of Gettin' Sinsister - first I spread her legs and than I finish her, the Bangbino, the Sultan of Sluts, the PHENOM of wrestling, the one and onliest Shawn Hart, will be droppin' elbows like their hot... RIGHT HERE in Ugly Championship Wrestling!"

He chuckles to himself.

HART: "Unfortunately, all that momentum is killed when the powers that be see fit to pit me against J-Don, the Rainbow Warrior. Cereal-ly folks, is it really THAT hard to make the match that fans want to see? I came here for one man and one man only... and that man is not Jimmy Dinkleman... OH NO!! It's Mr. Ivy League himself, Jonathan Marx! The only logical explanation for this sordid turn of events is that Princeton soiled himself the moment he saw me, and as he hid under his mommy's bed, trembling with fear and soaking his Rainbow Brite panties with urine, he phoned the front office and BEGGED them not to book him against yours truly. Pathetic, non?"

He shakes his head in disgust.

HART: "But I guess there's nothing I can do about it. Marx b(FCC)tches out, and I'm stuck with the Cleveland Browns of UCW. PERFECT! An easy 1-2-3, if you ask me, but if this place wants to spoon feed me like a li'l baby, so be it. Fact still reamins that SJH is A-OK, and he's gonna be rippin' ass on UCW from here on in. Call it an outrage, call it a mockery, my Magic 8-ball calls it the TRUTH... and psychic toys from the 70's don't lie! The PHENOM has left the building!!!

FADE OUT.

 

[TH]

(OOC Note: I didn't mean to post this so close to the deadline, but I got caught up in things... won't happen again, I promise)

"Wow, you sure do talk funny."

Cowboy Jimmy in front of a UCW backdrop.

CJD: So yer the great Shawn Jessica Hart. Funny, folks wit' names like the one in the middle are usually ones givin' my pole a good hand waxin' at the Bunny Ranch if'n ya know what I mean. I bet from the looks a' ya, boy, you ain't no stranger t'waxin' a few a' yer own poles. I seen ya walkin' 'round backstage, an' the only folks I done ever seen walk as bow-legged as that were either cowboys or fairies, or maybe both. I heard about Brokeback Mountain. Dang near sends me into a state a' convulsion erry time I hear them words put together. But anyways, I done reckon that ya ain't no cowboy, so I'll leave ya t'that. I mean, there ain't nothin' wrong wit' that an' all, in fact, I could probably refer ya to some nice homo brothels in secluded parts a' Nevada if'n ya know what I mean.

But I ain't here t'be nice an' all, cuz Shawn, you ain't seemin' like a nice guy yerself. Ya seem like one a' them pompous jackasses, y'know, the ones who come up from Dallas on business wearin' their white suits an' bola ties an' ten gallon hats who thinks they done own Oklahoma cuz he's JR Ewing and we're all a bunch a' hicks. Th' kind who always get a piece a' their dongs bit off whenever they talk down t'one of Tulsa's finest streetwalkin' sassies. My favorite down there, Selma, she done always tells me stories, an' the best part is, they cain't do nothin' 'bout it 'cuz then they done get in trouble fer puttin' their ding-dong in a woman fer cash.

Now, does that mean I'mma gon bite a bit a' yer cock off? Well, naw, I don't swing that way Shawn, but that don't mean that you ain't gonna get somethin' you cain't do nothin' 'bout now. This week, on the fancy Reverolution show, yer gon' get the beatin' a' yer lifetime cuz you thinkin' that cuz I ain't that fancy Princeton livin' guy that I don't mean much more than a pile a steer crap. You want that Marx feller, but yer stuck wit' me. An' now, yer stuck wit' gettin' yer head kicked in by an onery Oklahoma cowboy who's pissed as hell that he done got gipped out a' that fancy UNIFIED Championship.

Ya may not be too thrilled t'be in the ring wit' me, but pardner, lemme tell ya. When I'm done wit' ya, yer gon' be wishin' a whore was bitin' off the tip a' yer jimmy rather than what I'mma gon' do t'ya.

Fade

 

[ShawnHartXXX]

OOC: No worries, my brother... I was waiting with a reply as soon as my Jazz game was over.

FADE IN: SJH is standing by at the OK Corral, sporting nothing but cow-hide chaps and a feathered head dress, commanding a lasso like Clint Eastwood never could.

HART: "Whoooooooooo-WHEE!! Mah name's Jim-bob Dinkleman... n' I'm here to ride that cow HARD and put it up wet!!! Cuz I'm Jim-bob Dinkleman, COCKY cowboy extra-ordin-aaaaaaaaiiiree!!"

Suddenly, a local newsman interjects.

NEWSMAN: "Jimmy Dinkleman! Jimmy Dinkleman! One question please!!!"

HART: "Well-uh hipandippetty-doo-dah-DAY! Hurry it up, boy... mah ass ain't gon' saddle itself!"

NEWSMAN: "Saddle itself for what, Mr. Dinkleman?"

HART: "Ain't ya heard? I'm one o' them HO-MO-phobes, and you know what they say 'bout them types?"

NEWSMAN: "What's that, Dinkle-doof?"

HART: "They's just repressin' their own feelin's n' yearnin's..."

NEWSMAN: "Explain!"

HART: "So like... I likes to say I'm a man's man n' I route for the Texas Longhorns, but really I jus wanna take a long horn up mah luscious, Heath Ledger-like backside. So I'm fixin' to saddle myself up, make a trek through the bush, and let ol' Squanto shoot his load up in me like a whiskey-drinkin' jackrabbit!"

NEWSMAN: "Yes, well... I'm sure I have no idea what you just said..."

He turns to his camera man.

NEWSMAN: "But we'll continue to follow this story and bring you more as it develops. Jim Dunkledorf, thank you very much!"

hART: "Wah-hey!!"

FADE.