Main Event Caliber
- Apr 16, 2012
- St. Louis, MO
RED LINE WRESTLING[It’s a hopping and humming crowd tonight - signs are becoming more and more popular with the fans. Some of the more notable ones include "WHERE'S KID KOALA?", "THE MACHINES HAVE BECOME SELF-AWARE", "I <3 PEACHES", and "DIIIIIIIIICK". These fans, y'all.
in conjunction with DePaul University
Streaming LIVE from the SULLIVAN ATHLETIC CENTER, CHICAGO, ILLINOIS
in conjunction with DePaul University
Streaming LIVE from the SULLIVAN ATHLETIC CENTER, CHICAGO, ILLINOIS
Danny Dalton is just so happy to be living life. His navy blue blazer covers up a saucy pink Powerpuff Girls tee, and his long curly locks bob up and down to the janky beats of the RLW theme.]
DD: “Welcome, everyone, to SLAAAAAAMTRACK! We are ONE SHOW AWAY from our next huge event, MASS TRANSIT, where we’re taking our crew down to an even bigger spot along Chicago’s Red Line! But before we take this show on the road, we’ve got an incredibly significant event tonight. Our opener features the number one contender, The Second Coming, facing a similar situation to what our champion Ivan Dalkichev faced at SLAMTRACK 9 - a mystery opponent looking to send SHOCKWAVES throughout the Red Line!
And THEN - we have a FIFTEEN-MAN BATTLE ROYAL to determine who’s next in line for that Red Crown! Some familiar faces, like The Mighty Quinn, Hittora, and El Cabron will look to take that next step up the ladder. Others, like Eric Dane and Dick Fury, can add another accomplishment to their already-long list of accolades. Then, we have the NEW faces - Katie Moicelle, The White Hat, Jessica Cross, and others who are looking to make THE BIGGEST SPLASH POSSIBLE in their debut appearance! AND THAT’S NOT EVEN THE WHOLE FIELD!! Sparks are SURE to fly as we approach MASS TRANSIT - let’s get this thing STARTED!”
[Arin McHenry, in a glorious salmon pink suit, stands at the ready alongside friendly junior referee Jen Glass.]
AM: “The following contest is scheduled for ONE FAWWWWWLLLLLLLLL!”
[The lights go low as a single spotlight follows the hooded Second Coming, much to the crowd’s joy and ovation. Her eyes show an intensity above her leather mask.]
AM: “Introducing first...FROM WARWICK, NEW YORK....she iiiis the NUMBER ONE CONTENDER to the RED CROWN CHAMPIONSHIP! THE SECOND….COMIIIIIING!”
DD: “She took a BEATING at the outset of our last broadcast at the hands of Nathan Fear’s cronies - but we all know 2C at this point. Whether our medical staff are pleased or not, she will NOT turn down a fight and she has to be ITCHING to be back in the ring! The big question is, who’s her mystery opponent? Are we going to see another Hall of Famer like Eric Dane? Are we going to see a rookie upstart? WHO IS IT??”
[The Sullivan Athletic Center all at once WHOOPS with surprise and excitement! The Number One Contender stares defiantly toward the entry-way...]
DD: "HOLY SPICOLI! That's 'the LAST TITAN' IVAN DALKICHEV'S MUSIC! Is HE the mystery opponent?! Oh man, are we going to see a PREVIEW of the main event of Mass Transit HERE TONIGHT?!"
[The bubble of excitement pops the moment MR. NATHAN FEAR steps through the curtain, and the crowd levels back to a very annoyed and spiteful jeer.]
DD: "Ugh, now THERE'S a face I'm sure many are tired of seeing..."
[Fear chuckles as he looks to the Second Coming in the ring, and he raises the mic after a couple taps to needle the crowd with a couple seconds of PA feedback.]
NF: "Sorry to get your hopes up there, 'Tootsie'. I know you have a death wish, and you want more than anything to step face to face to 'the Last Titan' in a pitifully feeble effort to make yourself seem relevant. Be as it may, he is not your mystery opponent tonight. He's not even in the building."
[The fans let out a resoundingly disappointed boo. Fear's smirk only widens.]
NF: "But don't worry... I'm sure you'll get your chance at the Red Crown Champion. It just won't be Ivan holding that belt when you finally get around to fighting for it."
DD: "What in the world is he babbling about?"
NF: "You see, Second Coming... I came out here for one reason, and one reason alone... to tell you, and all of Red Line Wrestling, GOODBYE and FAREWELL forever! Because after tonight, I, the Crimson Corporation, AND 'the Last Titan' Ivan Dalkichev will have officially severed our ties with Red Line Wrestling!"
[The crowd buzzes in a complicated mixture of shock, skepticism, and relief. Mr. Fear, meanwhile, pulls a tri-folded sheet of paper from the inner pocket of his blazer.]
NF: "And it's all because of this piece of paper right here!"
[Cackling, he unfolds it and holds it up for everyone to see. What we can see of 2C's face makes it clear she isn't buying it. And running low on patience.]
NF: "Have you seen this before, Second Coming? Any idea what I have right here in my hand? No, of course not... because worthless talent like you could only DREAM of what a REAL contract looks like! And that's just what this is! Despite all the DOUBT and DELAYS and DISTRACTIONS this measly federation have given me, I HAVE FINALLY punched our ticket to a well-known and LEGITIMATE wrestling federation!"
[He points to the dotted line right at the bottom.]
NF: "All I need to finalize everything is Ivan's signature at the bottom here! And once that's complete, which will only be a matter of a couple hours, then we will finally be DONE with this geek show for once and for all!"
DD: "That WEASEL! I don't know if there's anything legitimate at ALL about that piece of paper, but if we're to believe anything he says, then whatever it was we've come to expect about the main event of Mass Transit has just been ENTIRELY thrown upside down!"
[The capacity crowd DEFIANTLY BOOS at Nathan Fear, who can only smirk back like a criminal that just got off clean. A few pockets try to build up an "R-L-W" chant, but the CEO of the Crimson Corporation continues to talk over them.]
NF: "It's been an... 'entertaining' stint, to say the least. But you all should have known that Ivan Dalkichev was meant for GREATER things! And it's all thanks to ME! But as my final send-off to YOU, Second Coming... I give you your actual mystery opponent..."
[The crowd JEERS LOUDLY before anybody even steps out. Many people just start throwing TRASH at the poor guy working the soundboard, berating him for assaulting their ears with such terrible nu-metal. The curtain parts aside... and stepping out is STEPHEN WALTZ, clad in a red singlet and pads, and wearing a Lebron-James-Miami-Heat-black protective facemask over his head.]
NF: "Rest assured, Second Coming... he won't be attacking you from behind tonight. Stephen was adamant about wanting this opportunity to take you on mano e womano... as a way of getting a little payback for what you did to his nose at the last show! And hopefully to REMIND YOU of the pain that will always be in store for you... when you try to get in MY WAY!"
[Fear looks to Waltz.]
NF: "I leave it in your hands now, Mr. Waltz. Try to make it snappy... we have a plane to catch."
[Mr. Fear favors the crowd one last evil grin before disappearing through the curtain. Scowling through the eyeholes of his rather ridiculous-looking facial protection, Waltz bears down on the ring, ignoring all heckling from the crowd. He looks pumped, angry, and ready to hurt somebody...]
[...and waiting in the ring, the Second Coming looks just as much, if not more.]
*DING DING DING*
[Little time is wasted. Stephen Waltz looks to take charge early and goes for a quick collar-and-elbow tie up, but 2C is equally angry and slips behind him, upending Waltz with a short chop block. She quickly follows up with a kick to the ribs and takes a step back to create space. She looks over her shoulder briefly to make sure no one is sneaking up on her, and finds no one there.]
DD: “Quick offense from Two See - nothing against Stephen Waltz or anything, but he is NOWHERE NEAR the caliber of Eric Dane. This Mystery Opponent thing could be a major letdown unless something shocking happens here.”
[2C goes for a kick to Waltz’s head, but Waltz catches her foot and pulls, sending her to the mat. He follows up by lifting the same leg and whipping her across the ring with a dragon screw. She makes her way to the corner and gets to her feet quickly to prevent additional offense from Waltz. He opts to charge into the corner, but 2C once again slips underneath his grasp and throws several kicks to the ribs, followed by a hard open handed strike to the face that sends him to the mat. 2C covers and gets a two count.]
DD: “2C looks to have the early advantage here - and that’s absoLUTEly to be expected. She’s our #1 contender, and Stephen Waltz hasn’t done ANYTHING here!”
[Waltz is on one knee and slow to get up. 2C hits a short-legged Superkick that rocks Waltz’s world and sends him sprawling to the mat.]
DD: “THIS COULD BE IT HERE!”
[2C maneuvers behind him, taking another moment to look over each shoulder to make sure no other members of Nathan Fear’s conglomerate are lurking in the shadows. Satisfied, she applies her signature Fall From Grace maneuver.]
DD: “..........................HE’S TAPPING OUT!”
*DING DING DING*
AM: “Theeeeee winnerofthismatch…THE SECOND COMING!”
[2C wrenches the hold in for a few extra seconds after the bell, possible retribution for the attack she suffered at ST9. Jen Glass begins to rebuke 2C and she eventually releases the hold as Waltz drops to the mat and rolls out of the ring. The fans give their applause to 2C as she soaks in the adulation and makes a single Discount Double Check title belt gesture around her waist.]
DD: “What a statement victory here by The Second Coming! Stephen Waltz taking that bullet for the Crimson Corporation of Nathan Fear - head games? A scouting opportunity? Who knows for sure…”
[Barry sloppily thrusts a logo onto the screen for the upcoming RLW iPPV]
RED LINE WRESTLING
The Lakeside Ballroom - McCormick Place
The Lakeside Ballroom - McCormick Place
DD: “Let’s talk MASS TRANSIT! So far, two matches have been confirmed for this thing, and they should be doozies…”
[The painted, snarling face of Emevlas Stastias is plastered next to the happily masked face of Go-Go Spectacular with a large wooden table in between them.]
DD: “First up - A TABLES MATCH! This very well could play into Mevy’s strengths, and playing into your strengths is a sure-fire way to make your name here in the Red Line...Go-Go has been awfully quiet as of late. The calm before the storm? Or something worse? Either way, this is sure to be a unique and memorable contest between these fierce women!”
[The hulking body and cold gaze of Ivan Dalkichev, complete with a red iron crown on his head and the silver-and-red title belt over his shoulder, takes over the left portion of the screen; over his right shoulder, you can faintly see the sinister grin of Nathan Fear. On the other half of the screen is the hooded and masked 2C in a fighting pose. In the middle, the text reads RED CROWN CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH…?]
DD: “And our main event is a title defense that has been built up for MONTHS - The Last Titan, Ivan Dalkichev, defends his hard-earned Red Crown Championship against The Second Coming...or will he? Nathan Fear made some very harrowing threats at the top of this broadcast - specifically that he will take his prized client, our CHAMPION, and sign somewhere else before MASS TRANSIT! This would be a DISASTER...refunded tickets at the VERY least, maybe even the end of the Red Line...I don’t know. I don’t want to think about it. I’m going to take some DEEP breaths and just HOPE that cooler heads prevail, because if this title match happens? Oh MAN, will it be good!
Now before we continue, it sounds like we have a backstage soundbyte from MY GUY, MYYYYYYYY GUY, Elllll Habanerooooooo! YEAH!”
[We’re greeted by the Spicy One in front of a plain RLW backdrop. Next to him on a stool is a propped-up boom box. He presses ‘play’ quite dramatically.]
EH: “HOLA, MI AMIGOS!”
[Habby greets us with one big, sweeping wave of his right hand and a bright, exuberant smile shining through his mask. The voice he mimics from the boombox sounding deep and latin. Then switches back to its mish mashed ransom note style of audio comprised of multiple sources.]
EH: “LAST WEEK. I FACED VICTOR. VIZIO! AND I ALMOST WON!”
[He cocks an arm and fist pumps like a boss.]
EH: “BUT I BLEW IT!”
[Head droops, sadness.]
EH: “SO CLOSE. BUT SO FAR AWAY. I ALMOST. KNEW THE TASTE. OF... VICTORY!”
[JOHNNY DRAMA POSE!]
EH: “TODAY, WILL BE. A NEW CHANCE! FOR ME TO. PROVE SOMETHING!”
[Right hand on right hip, left hand THUMBZ’D UP.]
EH: “THE BATTLE. ROYAL! I. WILL WIN THIS! AND PROVE WHY I AM. A GREAT! WRESTLE. ER!”
[We have a typical Barry snap transition back to the ringside camera, the chunkiest and least-smooth transition you can picture.
Arin McHenry stands to the side of the ring - a bunch of competitors are already standing in the ring, ready for a fight. Specifically, Johnny Dorn is one corner fist pumping the crowd, probably two or three brews in; FAFNIR, ferocious beard and rotund belly, is yelling Germanglish swears as spit flies from his mouth, his horned helmet-mask scuffed up and battle-worn; Normal John Johnson looks at the other two men with complete confusion as he tries to make sense of these colorful characters.
In another part of the ring, The White Hat has his hands over his hips as if to draw invisible pistols on his much-larger opponents; a previously unseen competitor with a simple brown fade cut and goatee with red and black trunks does his best to blend in with the crowd. Arin is ready with the call.]
DD: “Up next is our HUUUUUGE main event! Five of our fifteen competitors have already made their way to the ring - let’s get some more in the ring!”
AM: “The following contest is the OPEN BATTLE ROYAL! A competitor is eliminated when they are thrown OVER the top rope, with BOTH feet touching the flooooooor. The last competitor remaining WILL be next in line for the RED CROWN CHAMPIONSHIP after MASS TRANSIT!”
AM: “From Seattllllllllle WASHINGTON! THE LOST CAUSE! VICTORRRRRR VACIOOOOOOOOOOO!”
[With a black hand towel in hand, Victor stalks his way to the ring, ignoring his surroundings and fan distain. Reaching the ring, he turns his back to the apron and leaps backwards to landing on the apron. Assuring his footing, post landing, he grasps the ropes with each hand and flips backwards into the ring. He shoulder-bumps the man in the black and red trunks hard, though it’s unclear if this was intentional or not; it IS getting crowded in there.]
DD: “Here’s a wildcard if there ever was one - he always talks about victories being meaningless, but SURELY he’s chosen to compete here for a reason. Maybe to steal the #1 Contendership from everyone else? By the way, the fella Vacio bumped - that’s a young man named Derrick Allen. We’re not sure what to expect from him, but he decided to come in as a late entrant, and this is an Open, after all!”
AM: “From CROSSVILLE, TENNESSEE...KATIE! MOICELLE!”
[A petite brunette wearing a blue-and-white long sleeve shirt and athletic running pants peeks her head through the curtain. She’s a bit nervous and shy as she makes her way down to the ring and sheepishly high-fives a few fans as she makes her way to the ring.]
DD: “A new face around here! Red Line Wrestling has a history of strong women, and we know that Katie Moicelle is an up-and-coming competitor with a heavy track and field background. Natural athleticism can take you far! Let’s see what she’s got today!”
AM: “From Indianapolis, Indiana...THE ESCAPE ARTIST! ELLLLLL CABRON!”
[A mixed smattering of boos and cheers rain down on the Goat Bastard as heavy guitar riffs belch throughout the arena. He takes his time walking to the ring, as always, with a juke in his step when musically appropriate. A couple of hipsters wearing sludge metal t-shirts go for high fives, and Cabron can’t help but give them some love before flicking off a young yuppie couple a few rows back.]
DD: “Here’s a guy who might emerge as a dark horse candidate in this thing...he’s a slippery fish, weaving in and out of chaos like he was born in it, and with all that experience? Don’t count this guy out!”
AM: “From Gulf Shores, Alabama by way of Calgary, Alberta, Canada...JESSICA CROSS!”
[A thick-muscled blonde woman in matching black sports bra and shorts makes her way to the ring, neither playing up to the crowd or antagonizing them; she simply looks focused, determined, ready to throw some kicks early and often. She stretches her legs a bit after making her way through the ropes.]
DD: “Another newcomer here - you’ve never seen Jessica Cross before, ladies and gentlemen, but you’re likely not going to forget this one. She’s a jack of all trades in that ring and can GO for an 18 year old - and by the way, TODAY is her birthday, so she is FRESHLY 18. This girl could have a very bright future!”
AM: “From Hollywoooood, California! SUPERB! DIIIIIICK FURY!”
[Just the sleaziest. He makes his way through the curtain, followed by a few poor DePaul sorority sisters in “I <3 Dick” tees - it looks like he’s bathed in a pool of baby oil. He eyeballs the two new young women already in the ring, who both react with disgust before looking at each other and giving a silent nod.]
DD: “UGHHHHHHHHHHH WHY. Is it my fault? Should I have avoided saying that Jessica Cross just turned 18? Who knows...all we know for sure that as disgusting and revolting as Dick Fury is, he’s got talent to back it up. And that’s probably the most frustrating thing about this guy...this FREAKING guy.”
AM: “From the ALASKAN WILDERNESS! The Mightyyyyy QUINN!”
[It’s a slow, no-thrills-at-all entrance. Quinn makes his way up the ramp, calmly and coolly, before stepping through the ropes and raising his arms up to cheers. A few competitors take a step back and the ring feels like it’s shrunk due to Quinn’s massive size.]
DD: “He doesn’t talk much, but when he does, it’s important! The hulking Alaskan looks to take the next step up here in Red Line Wrestling, and his size has to be a HUGE advantage.”
AM: “FROM PARTS UNKNOWN! Ellllll Habanerooooooo!”
[Habs is so excited, y’all. The ring is starting to feel very crowded, but Habby doesn’t care one bit. He runs from fan to fan, high-fiving outstretched hands and swaths of air where hands WOULD be if they were able to meet him as fast as he is slapping.
He points to a back corner of the stands - two men in their forties, one black and one white, point right back. They’re wearing strange title belts over their shoulders - though it’s unclear what brand it’s from. Danny about has a heart attack.]
DD: “Is that...TEAM DANGER?! Team Danger’s here y’all! They want to see what we’re all about! Why did El Habanero get the acknowledgement, though? Does he know them?? OHHHH MAN, if he knows Team Danger - I’m going to need autographs after the show, I’m putting it on record RIGHT now.”
AM: “From Charlotte, North Carolina...The Man Who Ruined Everything...BRAD! ANDREWWWWWS!”
[The crowd’s not quite sure how to react, though some of the chatter amongst the crowd seems mostly negative as this guy just gives off a bad vibe. He’s burly with a slight belly paunch and looks straight out of an 80’s music video with long bleached-blonde hair past his shoulders, bright red camo pants, and a black t-shirt. He makes his way down to the ring and begins insulting just about every wrestler in front of him.]
DD: “So THIS is the mystery opponent we heard so much from in the weeks leading up to the match...that Andrews name carries a lot of weight in some wrestling circles, but it remains to be seen what he’ll do here today. It does feel like he’s doing his best to antagonize just about every dang person he can - we’ll see how well that works for him!”
AM: “From TOKYO, JAPAN...HIIIIIIIIIIITTORAAAAAAAA!”
[The crowd pops big time as their favorite cybernetic warrior politely bows before striding towards the ring. A few of the in-ring competitors, Dick Fury and Brad Andrews in particular, bark insulting and uncomfortable one-liners at her, to which she simply responds with a hand wave and an expressionless face.]
DD: “Hit-chan has been on a ROLL, it has to be said...you gotta think she’s one of the favorites out there today. If you can beat the likes of Emevlas Stastias and Dick Fury in your first two matches, that puts you right near the top of the heap here - but there’s a lot of CHAOS in a battle royal situation”
AM: “And finally...FROM NEW ORLEANS, LOUISIANA! The Only Star! Eriiiiiiic DANE!”
[The crowd goes nuts once again as ominous lyrics boom throughout the arena. All 14 other wrestlers look at Dane hard, some with fear, some with determination, some with a “give me a break” smirk.]
DD: “But NO one in this Battle Royal has the resume of Eric Dane. Everywhere-there-is World Champion. Destroyer of Worlds in DEFIANCE. This guy has been winning matches and titles before some of our in-ring competitors were even BORN...and, oh yeah, he’s the first man to ever pin our champion, Ivan Dalkichev, a task that seemed IMPOSSIBLE.
That’s a full friggin ring, you guys...who’s going to take this thing?? Let’s get it started!”
DING DING DING!
[It’s chaos, as most Battles Royal tend to be. Fists fly from all directions. FAFNIR runs around all over the place with his arms out, occasionally glancing someone’s back or connecting with an impromptu clothesline. Dick Fury has his early sights set on Moicelle and Cross, who have decided to work together in an attempt to fight back. The Mighty Quinn has Johnny Dorn trapped in one corner as Brad Andrews has John Johnson trapped in another corner, each throwing shoulders and clubbing blows.
It’s difficult for anyone to bust out signature moves with all these bodies around. Eric Dane very quickly has found himself in a fight with the uppity White Hat; Dane quickly wraps his hand around the masked cowboy and attempts to throw him over the top rope, but White Hat catches himself on the ring apron. Eric Dane comes across a staggered Derrick Allen, who has received a few shots from several wrestlers, and throws him into the ropes, knocking the White Hat to the ground.]
AM: “The White Hat has been eliminated!”
DD: “We have our first elimination at the hands of Eric Dane - or maybe, I guess technically at the BODY of Derrick Allen. We don’t know very much at all, and of COURSE Barry has neglected to give me any notes on him...thank you for that, Barry. Dane looks in control out there. Dick Fury is holding his own against the two newest ladies on the roster and looks to be doing his best to cop feels, but they don’t last long! Hittora and El Cabron are exchanging blows, they look to be evenly matched - Brad Andrews and The Mighty Quinn are using their girth, there’s so much to try to follow!”
[The White Hat passes the announce table.]
DD: “...he looks familiar somehow...huh.”
[Moicelle and Cross hit Dick Fury with a double vertical suplex, giving themselves some breathing room. Moicelle goes to fistbump Cross, who responds with a stiff elbow to the face before wrenching in a tight chinlock. Victor Vacio has his sights set on Derrick Allen for a moment, before connecting with an Enzuigiri. He smiles at him for a moment, and then is clubbed from behind by El Habanero - they begin to tangle and rumble.
In the corners, Quinn has Dorn halfway out of the ring on the top rope and Brad Andrews has John Johnson halfway out as well. Dane is doing his best to avoid physical contact with the prone Dick Fury; he shouts as loud as he can with hands cupped around his mouth, “FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS!”, before pointing at Dick Fury. This gets the attention of FAFNIR and El Cabron, who make their way to The Greasy One. Fury responds quickly with two fists - one to each man’s scrotum.]
DD: “OOOOOH! That HAD to hurt! That’s the thing about these Battle Royals - NO disqualifications. You can only be eliminated by being tossed over the top rope - AND THERE GOES FAFNIR!”
AM: “FAFNIR has been eliminated!”
DD: “FAFNIR looks FURIOUS on the floor, but I guess he always kind of does...I’m going to refrain from commenting much further. I don’t want another 40 pound leg of meat soaking into my notes for this match.
It looks like Quinn’s got Dorn in a precarious spot - Dorn goes over, but he stays on the apron! EWWWWWW...Dorn just BELCHED incredibly loudly right in Quinn’s FACE! Quinn backs up and CHARGES - Dorn lowers the top rope, over goes Quinn - no! Quinn saves himself! Dorn with a right hand - BLOCKED! Quinn! A HUUUUGE CHOP TO THE TOP OF THE DOME! AND DOWN HE GOES!”
AM: “Johnny Dorn has been eliminated!”
DD: “The Beer Pong Baron certainly fought hard against The Mighty Quinn, but our resident eskimo took him out in the end!”
[El Cabron is still recovering from his low blow and tries his best to fend off the assaulting Dick Fury. Eric Dane is...surprisingly not under much duress at the moment, as he does his best to point out Fury to the other competitors and repeat his promise of a $5000 bounty and a DEFIANCE contract to any wrestler who eliminates The Superb One. Quinn steps back through the ropes and nods at Hittora - Hittora responds with a polite bow, and the two lock up - Quinn has an early advantage, but a sharp knee to the ribs by Hittora sends Quinn to a knee. She does her best to follow up with more knee-based offense, driving him further into the ground.
Meanwhile, Jessica Cross has Katie Moicelle in a precarious position tangled in the corner ropes, though Katie is fighting her heart out trying to stay in this thing. She finally connects with a wild headbutt and is able to stagger back into a safer position. Brad Andrews, sick and tired of the technically-sound-but-boring-as-balls bullshit John Johnson is using to stay in the match, roars back and connects with a double axehandle to the ribs, breaking Johnson’s grip to the ropes. He then lifts Johnson up like a sack of potatoes before connecting with a HUGE spinebuster to the turnbuckle.]
DD: “OH OW! Huge aggression there by Brad Andrews, that had to take a TON out of - yep! Out he goes!”
AM: “Normal John Johnson has been eliminated!”
DD: “Brad Andrews, looking to make an impact in his debut, has eliminated the resilient - yet shy - masked man. Eric Dane keeps running his mouth in there - you gotta figure that there are a handful of wrestlers in that ring who would love NOTHING MORE than to pocket a wad of cash and get a try-out in one of the largest promotions in this company - but it’s also super clever, because Dick Fury HAS to be one of Dane’s biggest adversaries in there!
Wait a second...has anyone seen Victor Vacio?”
[A camera angle cuts to the ringside, Victor Vacio standing outside, arms crossed, staring into the ring.]
DD: “Is he out?? Barry, any chance we can get a replay of what happened? Why is he out there?”
[Barry does his darndest, and surprisingly is able to find a second camera angle of what happened. Using picture-in-picture, we see that Vacio hit a swift-but-sharp DDT to El Habanero before rolling underneath the bottom rope. Looking at the live shot, we see that Habs is still face-down around the side of the ring, not moving a whole ton]
DD: “I guess he’s TECHNICALLY not eliminated yet - but what’s his angle here? This is...bizarrely strategic from a guy who doesn’t care about winning!”
[In the ring, Eric Dane comes across Derrick Allen. Dane throws an arm over Allen’s shoulder, pointing out Dick Fury and presumably talking about the bounty. Allen nods for a moment and begins to make his way over - but Dane quickly grabs Allen’s left arm, whips him back with his other hand on Allen’s head, and HURLS Allen over the top rope.]
AM: “Derrick Allen has been eliminated!”
DD: “Veteran maneuver there by Eric Dane! Derrick Allen - don’t really know that name, and I wonder if it’ll be worth knowing at all here in RLW. We see a lot of faces come and go - time will tell, I suppose!”
[As Allen makes his way to the back disappointed, Vacio stares a hole in the back of Allen’s head for the briefest of moments before returning his gaze to the ring. Moicelle now has Jessica Cross on the ropes and throws a series of knife edge chops to Cross’s chest. Brad Andrews has made his way over to the Hittora/Quinn situation and throws ugly kicks to Hittora’s midsection, giving Quinn a brief breather in the corner. El Habanero slowly stirs and makes a mad dash across the ring, hitting a running flying knee on El Cabron! Dick Fury begins to move towards Eric Dane, but Dane is doing his best to have none of it - he grabs the newly-staggered Cabron and throws his body into Dick Fury with a wily grin. Fury reacts quickly with a snap suplex.]
DD: “Fury connecting with a move he likes to call The Quickie! Bodies are all over the place, everyone’s fighting everyone out there! Just to recap - five wrestlers have been eliminated. In the ring, we still have Eric Dane, Dick Fury, Jessica Cross, Katie Moicelle, Hittora, Brad Andrews, The Mighty Quinn, El Cabron, El Habanero, and STILL lurking outside the ring, Victor Vacio.”
[A wild series of big moves come one after the other after the other: Dick Fury presses the issue and hits a “Nut to Butt” German Suplex to El Cabron; Katie Moicelle hits an “Imaginary” Bicycle Kick on Jessica Cross; Hittora hits a “Sleep Mode” jumping knee uppercut on Brad Andrews; Eric Dane hits a quick Stardriver on Hittora; El Habanero connects with a SHOCKINGLY effective springboard plancha on Eric Dane; The Mighty Quinn roars and hits a double running clothesline on Fury and Moicelle. 7 bodies lie in the ring, and for one of the first times ever, Quinn lets out some real, honest emotion, letting out a big guttural yell - and then out of nowhere, El Habanero hits the Capsaicin Knee kick to the skull of Quinn.]
DD: “Holy MOLY! So many bodies are on the GROUND right now, and MY BOY, Habby, is standing tall! It’s time to throw some folks out, my spicy friend! Oh no, oh...oh COME ON!”
[Victor Vacio has slipped back beneath the bottom rope and into the ring behind El Habanero, who is just so happy to soak in the adulation of the crowd. The fans try to shout their warnings, and Habby is able to turn his head around…
...only to get hit with the VSC, Vacio’s Fisherman Buster. Boos rain down on The Lost Cause.]
DD: “...I guess he was just biding his time, waiting for his moment. All 9 of his opponents are down on the ground, and Victor can absolutely start to throw some bodies over the - wait a minute. What is he doing. He just stepped over the top rope, he’s...what??”
[Vacio hops from the apron to the floor.]
AM: “...Victor Vacio has been eliminated!”
[Vacio IMMEDIATELY rolls back under the bottom rope and lays WASTE to Habanero, throwing furious strikes to his head and body. Before anyone can react, Vacio snaps up and grabs Habanero by the back of the head. He HURLS Habanero at the ropes -
and somehow, he’s able to stay in the match! Vacio is incredulous and begins to make his way over to Habby to finish the job.
He doesn’t notice that El Cabron has gotten up.]
DD: “Vacio, what in the WORLD are you - OH MY! The Goat - the Goat Jerk is on his feet ready to do some damage and Vacio has no idea he’s there! He’s got Vacio by the head! SATYR SLICE! SATYR SLICE TO VICTOR VACIO, AND HE’S DONE! I mean - he IS eliminated, but NOW he’s just KNOCKED THE EFF OUT! I never thought I’d root for the Escape Artists, but now might be -
OH COME ON!!!”
[Right as the fans are about to pour on all the praise in the world to El Cabron, he sprints towards El Habanero and knocks him off the apron with a hard running shoulderblock.]
AM: “El Habanero has been eliminated!”
DD: “...I hate everything again. DANG it!”
[Vacio rolls out - Habanero looks to see what happen, but can’t figure it out and is soon escorted back up the ropes by RLW officials. Vacio eventually regains his bearings and follows suit, but not before burning a hole in El Cabron.
By now, a few other competitors have stirred - specifically, Katie Moicelle has found herself tangled up with The Mighty Quinn. Quinn is avoiding using too many strikes, but he’s absolutely wearing Katie out with basic arm-locking submission maneuvers combined with his nearly 3x body mass. Brad Andrews, looking to take the moment as an opportunity, charges towards El Cabron and levels him with a hard shot to the back followed by a sky-high powerbomb. He immediately follows up and throws mounted blows to Cabron’s face and torso. Eric Dane and Dick Fury lock eyes - and then Fury sees Hittora right next to him. Eager for revenge and unable to repress his primal urges, Fury attempts the hip-grindy sexually-uncomfortable offense he’s most known for, but Hittora remains ever the professional, doing her best to counter-strike and counter-lock. Taking advantage of Dane’s inattention, Jessica Cross comes through with a stiff kick to Dane’s left thigh, then another, then another.]
DD: “We’re down to our final eight! Dane, Fury, Hittora, Quinn, Cabron, Cross, Moicelle, Andrews...it’s anyone’s game out there!”
[Dane shouts at Cross about the bounty. The microphone picks up Cross’s reply - “what’s the bounty if I eliminate YOU?”. Dane smiles, then ducks under Cross’s followup kick, spins around Cross, and drops her with a Backstabber. Cross grabs her back in obvious pain, and Dane replies, “Try something you CAN do.”
Moicelle and Quinn are still locked up near the ropes - Moicelle, to her credit, is really hanging in there and throwing sharp elbows as best as she can, but Quinn is able to contort Moicelle into a bit of a pretzel. But Dane sees an opportunity. He charges the pair and lifts Quinn’s left leg in an attempt to get him off balance. Quinn tries to regain his bearings but his submission hold on Moicelle is preventing him from gaining control. Moicelle is too locked in to do anything about it. They stumble over the top rope and hit the ground at roughly the same time.]
AM: “Katie Moicelle and The Mighty Quinn have been eliminated!”
DD: “Whoa! Double elimination there by Eric Dane! It’s kind of surprising that he’s as strong as he is - a little bit of that Dad Strength, you know what I mean? When you’re in your 40’s? ...Nevermind. The point is - we saw him lift up Dalkichev last show, we just saw him eliminate the HUGE Alaskan and another human being at the same time - he’s still got it!”
[That move did seem to take a lot out of Dane, as he’s catching his breath a bit on the ropes. Jessica Cross, who has already caught HER breath, lunges at Dane and wrenches his guts with an abdominal stretch. Meanwhile, across the ring, Dick Fury and Hittora are locked in a brutal head-to-head war. Hittora is doing what she always does - counters on counters on counters - but Fury is able to connect with some offense of his own, hitting a few chops and elbow strikes, before flinging Hittora across the ring with a Boob-Plex. Happy with his work, and with Hittora down, he smiles evilly and makes his way towards the Eric Dane situation. Jessica Cross sees it first and begins to lock up with Fury, but this only seems to make Fury happier due to the double-X chromosomes. Lastly, Brad Andrews has beaten the ever-loving snot out of El Cabron, but Cabron has thus far refused to go down. Shrugging his shoulders and cursing loudly in Cabron’s face, Andrews takes a step back and hits a full-on soccer kick to Cabron’s jaw.]
DD: “OOOOOOH...that was a BRUTAL kick by Brad Andrews! I tell you what - we’ve got two competitors who are brand new to RLW who are still in this thing, Andrews and Jessica Cross - they’re really hanging in there! That crazy kick by Andrews was just NASTY...he’s picked up Cabron now, and THAT’S IT! Out he goes”
AM: “El Cabron has been eliminated!”
DD: “You can’t say anything bad about Cabron’s performance today - he DEFINITELY made an impact! Just too many bodies, even for the Escape Artist. Plus, who could’ve predicted how tough the mystery guy would be?
We’re down to the final five - Andrews! Cross! Dane! Hittora! Fury! Everyone is EXHAUSTED in there - they’ve all taken big shots, and there’s gotta be more to come before this thing is over!”
[Cross and Fury exchange several shots - with only five in the ring, there’s finally a bit of room to breathe. Fury whips Cross across into the corner hard, and charges - but Cross gets a boot up, stunning Fury. Brad Andrews takes advantage of an opportunity once again and hits a crushing spinebuster to Dick Fury. Hittora is slowly getting up after being on the receiving end of a Boob-Plex, but she looks like she’s in decent working order - though she’s definitely taking a moment to make sure all systems are functional in a corner. Dane sees Fury down and is just so happy about it. He yells once again at Cross and Andrews about the bounty and the DEFIANCE opportunity. Cross and Andrews glance at Fury, then each other, then at Fury once again - before they both pounce! Cross picks up Fury’s ankle and hurls it into the mat so Fury’s knee crashes hard, then does it a few more times - Andrews is focused on a stiff facelock on Fury. Dane is super happy to be an onlooker while others do the hard work for him.
Hittora finally seems recovered and begins to evaluate the picture in front of her. She sees a 2-on-1 attack in the center of the ring, and then she looks over at a smiling, relaxing man who seems to be directing the action; this feels counter-intuitive to her internal programming. As a result, she marches her way over to Eric Dane and asks a simple question: “Why are you doing this to Mr. Fury?” Dane responds, “Because FUCK that guy.” Hittora looks at the lopsided attack in the center of the ring, then at Dane, and decides that the orchestration of a 2-on-1 assault is unsportsmanlike and therefore should be halted. She strikes as quick as a hiccup with the Sleep Mode jumping knee uppercut, which drops Dane to the mat in a daze.]
DD: “WHOA! Dane is DOWN! Andrews and Cross are doing SERIOUS damage to Dick Fury - how long can he last in this position! It looks like Hittora was most upset about this 2-on-1 assault business, and - yep! She’s made her way to the middle of the ring! She just tossed off Andrews - and Cross! She’s - wait, did she just ask them why they’re doing what they’re doing? Hittora, honey...this is WRESTLING. Come on now!”
[Cross and Andrews, and even Fury, all look completely perplexed by Hittora at this moment; for some reason, whether it’s a “fairness chip” or something to do with “competitive honor”, Hittora is doing her best to negotiate one-on-one honest competition amongst all that remain. Dane still looks conked out on the ground.
The first one to charge Hittora is Brad Andrews - Hittora ducks and lowers the top rope as if on instinct, sending Andrews crashing.]
AM: “Brad Andrews has been eliminated!”
[The second to charge is Jessica Cross. Cross goes for a high charging leg kick, but Hittora is able to duck and maneuver her shoulder beneath Cross’s leg, and Hittora simply straightens out her lower body and sends Cross sky high and over the top rope.]
AM: “Jessica Cross has been eliminated!”
DD: “WOW! Back to back eliminations by our robot friend, Hittora! We’re down to the final three - Hittora, Dick Fury, and Eric Dane! But what a showing by those two new faces - you gotta figure they’ll be a major part of RLW RIGHT away! But now, the final question - WHO WILL BE THE LAST ONE STANDING?!”
[Fury has made it to his feet and scurries to a corner. Dane, ALMOST recovered from that knee strike, is propped up in another corner. Hittora is probably the freshest of the three - she stands at the ready in the center of the ring.
Dane shouts out one final time about that famous fucking bounty...the concept of money is probably lost on our robot friend. Dane shrugs and decides, FINALLY, to take matters into his own hands by pursuing Dick Fury on his own. Hittora seems a little surprised that she is not being engaged in combat and keeps an eye on the situation. Dane wrenches in a tight front facelock on Dick Fury - Fury is able to dig deep and break the hold and hit a goddang Pimp Slap across Dane’s grill. Dane is PISSED, and responds with a chop - not to the chest, but to the fucking face. The crowd OOHs at the shot, which has drawn a trickle of blood from Fury’s nose. Hittora, still processing the data in front of her, decides that protocols dictate she should approach her opponents and deliver fucking offense. She wrenches her arms around Dane’s waist and throws him across the ring with a release German Suplex. Fury smiles at Hittora for a moment and Hittora bows to reciprocate the positive feelings - and Fury responds with a full-on headbutt to Hittora.]
DD: “HEADBUTT! Ow! It’s one of those moves where you’d think it affects both wrestlers - you gotta wonder if Hittora’s skull is any harder than Fury’s - you know, because robots. Hard to say, and I sure as hell won’t try it out. It DOES look like he’s staggered Hittora - and he’s got it now! MONEYSHOT - dropkick to Hittora’s grill!”
[Hittora is on the ground, stunned - she WOULD’VE been right next to Eric Dane, but Dane is up, and PISSED. He charges across the ring at Dick Fury, who ducks a clothesline - Fury throws a spinning back fist in response, Dane ducks and trips Fury to the mat with a modified Russian Leg Sweep. Hittora has regained some bearing, and now sees two opponents in front of her - the standing Eric Dane, the prone Dick Fury. She remembers her history with Fury - the attempts at demoralization, the confusing sexual imagery - and she remembers Dane standing off to the side as he manipulated others to do his bidding in THIS VERY MATCH.
The dilemma was on.]
DD: “What’s Hittora going to do here? If only we could be a fly on the wall as process that inner circuitry - does she go after Dane? Does she go after Fury? What if Dane or Fury take that decision away from her??”
[As if on cue, Dane picks up Fury by the skull and whips him at Hittora - causing a near-crash that Hittora is able to deftly sidestep as Fury collides with the turnbuckle. Hittora has made her decision to pursue Dane and starts making her way over - Dane repeats once again his supposed promise about the bounty. Hittora processes calculations in her head and replies “the prize is only available if the man called Dick Fury did not come within five feet of you - as this has occurred more than once, your proposal is null and void.” Dane smiles and replies, “You’re absolutely right,” before charging at Hittora and connecting with a roundhouse kick to the kneecap that sends Hittora crashing. Fury, regaining his senses, goes right after Dane and the two begin to have an ugly sloppy brawl on the mat. All technique is out the window at this point.
The closest we come to true need of censors on this show occurs moments later, as Dick Fury mounts Eric Dane, throwing punches with one hand and reaching into his trunks with the other hand. Danny Dalton makes a point of not acknowledging this travesty with commentary and remains silent. Hittora processes the disgusting and revolting data in front of her and makes a decision.]
DD: “Let’s not, are we - oh! We’re back! And here comes Hittora, FLYING across the ring - SLEEP MODE! SLEEP MODE ON DICK FURY, and he rolls completely off of Eric Dane once and for all!”
[Hittora helps Eric Dane up and bows briefly before motioning to the now-KO’d opponent. Dane smirks and grabs Fury by the trunks and scruff and chucks him out, HARD.]
AM: “Dick Fury has been eliminated!”
DD: “I guess there’s no bounty to be collected, as Eric Dane is the one who - WAIT A MINUTE! WHOAAAAAAAA!!!”
AM: “Eric Dane has been eliminated!!”
DING DING DING!
DD: “Hittora came in with NO warning, NO hesitation, and threw Eric Dane over the top rope! We have our new #1 contender!!”
AM: “Theeeeee winner of this match! HITTORAAAAAAAAAA!”
[The crowd is going apeshit-bananas at the announcement. Hittora slumps to the ground, a faint grin across her face as the exhaustion of a battle royal finally begins to consume her.
DD: “Oh god, that’s - THAT’S IVAN DALKICHEV!”
[Ivan Dalkichev charges through the curtain and makes a beeline for Eric Dane - and Titan Bombs him HARD on the mat outside the ring.]
DD: “It’s the Red Crown Champion, and Nathan Fear is a LIAR! HE’S IN THE BUILDING RIGHT NOW, AND HE’S CAUSING HAVOC!”
[Dalkichev says nothing to Dane as he stomps him hard in the chest before rolling into the ring. Hittora is unsure how to compute the scene before her.]
DD: “Someone’s gotta - OH MY! HERE SHE COMES!”
[The Second Coming comes charging from the curtain into the ring, standing between the battered and beaten Hittora and the Raging Russian. There’s a staredown, and 2C attempts to catch Dalkichev with a Superkick - but he steps aside and grabs 2C by the throat and lifts her up.]
DD: “That’s a CHOKESLAM! This isn’t good - guys, we need help out here!
Oh no...OH NO...TITAN BOMB TO THE SECOND COMING! Guys, seriously, oh god, oh no - ANOTHER TITAN BOMB! The Second Coming is in real trouble out here, guys! Hittora just finished a goddamn Battle Royal, you can’t expect her to stop him right now!”
[RLW security pours through the curtain and makes a beeline for the Crimson Colossus, who is trying to set up 2C for a third Titan Bomb. Security gets there first and begins to accost the giant.
An annoying and all-too-familiar voice sharply pierces through the back.]
“Get your hands off my client RIGHT now!”
[Nathan fucking Fear.]
NF: “If you don’t get your hands off of him immediately, I swear on all that is holy - I will TAKE Ivan out of Red Line Wrestling, I will FUCK your main event over, and I will use THIS-”
[Fear pulls out the contract from his jacket pocket.]
NF: “-to make us both LOTS of money! WAY more than you plebeians in this shithole of a company could ever offer! So do it now! Get off of him!”
[Dalkichev looks hard at Nathan Fear, and security eases off ever so slightly. Shrugging his arms, he’s able to release the grabs of security. Danny is speechless. Dalkichev sternly makes his way up the ramp, dragging 2C along by the arm, and comes face-to-face with his smiling employer.
Dalkichev glances at the contract and grabs it with his humongous hands. The color drains a bit from Fear’s face - and drains completely as Dalkichev rips it in half, cold as ice. The crowd goes ape-shit nuts over this moment, and Dalkichev drops the ruined contract over the fallen body of 2C.]
ID: "YA... SLOMAYU... TEBYA!!"
[Dalkichev then stomps through to the back, alone. Fear is in complete shock. Hittora, still in the ring, is trying to process the events laid before her. 2C is out cold. We’re not sure where Dick Fury is.
Danny Dalton finally gets the courage to speak.]
DD: “...ladies in gentlemen, the main event of MASS TRANSIT is ON.”