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SLAMTRACK 4

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brusch

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Apr 16, 2012
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RED LINE WRESTLING

in conjunction with DePaul University

PRESENTS…

SLAMTRACK 4



LIVE from the SULLIVAN ATHLETIC CENTER, CHICAGO, ILLINOIS




[A major breakthrough - THE CROWD IS OVER 1000 FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER. 1053 to be precise. The crowd is forming a true identity - kids and hipsters and yuppies and DePaul students joining together to form a unique and raucous voice that appreciates good dang product. DANNY DALTON has dug deep into his wardrobe to find seasonally appropriate attire - violently bright eyeshadow, a wig, and a lightning bolt across the face, and he’s your Halloween David Bowie. He makes his way to the desk, overjoyed with life as usual.]

DD: “WELCOME to SLAMTRACK FOUR!! My name is Danny Dalton, and boy oh boy, we are STEAM ROLLING our way to the first iPPV in our company’s history, RUSH HOUR! If you missed our last show, you missed a doozy - the first quarterfinal matches of our Red Crown Tournament took place, with IVAN DALKICHEV and RUSS SPACKLER powering their way through to the semis. The Second Coming reigned supreme over the newly-born KING of CORNHOLE, Johnny Dorn, when she was EXPECTING a challenge from maybe the nicest fella you’ll ever meet, Ikan Jobtayoo. We’ve got WHIRLWINDS OF ACTION here for you tonight - more quarterfinal matches, a HUGE name in the world of wrestling, and MULTIPLE DEBUT MOMENTS! Every week I feel like it’s the best week ever to be an RLW fan, and each week I’m proven right. LET’S GET THIS THANG ROLLIN’!!”

[ARIN McHENRY, blonde-streaked hair growing uncomfortably long, enters the ring in a baby blue suit with a navy shirt and lavender tie. He lifts his Bob Barker–style microphone up and clears his throat as if he was about to announce the starting lineup for the Royals in the World Series. Friendly RLW referee Ross Russell stands at the ready.]

AM: “thhhhhhhhHHHHHHHIS MATCH, IS SET FOR ONE FALLLLLLLL…and it is a QUARTERFINAL, TRRRRRIPLE THREAT MATCH! In the RED CROWWWWWWWN TOURRRRRRRRRRRRRRNAMENT.”

KID KOALA v. J.J. HILL v. JACK SMILEY




[Bursting through the curtain is…nothing. At all. The camera pans around the arena a bit as the seconds tick uncomfortably by, tick, tick, tick, tick. After a virtual eternity, KID KOALA steps through, accompanied closely by his fellow Marsupials of Mayhem: eKid Nah, Kangarry Roo, and Possum. The four huddle up and nod at once, breaking apart so KOALA can make his way towards the ring, a wry grin and a sparkle of madness in his eye.]

AM: “Introducing FIRST! FROOOOM the AUSTRALIAN BUSH…weighing in at 188 POUNDS! Representing the MARSUPIALS of MAYHEM - the Eucalyptus Apocalypse!! KIIIIIID! KOAAAAAAAAAAAAALAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

DD: “It’s undeniable at this point - the Marsupials of Mayhem have firmly established themselves as agents of chaos in the world of Red Line Wrestling. Frankly, it’s a bit shocking that this is the first time we’re seeing Kid Koala in the ring - it’s going to be fascinating to see what the leader of the Marsupials can do in the squared circle!”



[God, what a weird man. ‘Tacky’ JACK SMILEY, smiling with cold emotionless eyes, jogs comfortably through the curtain, his arms outstretched out of instinct alone. His left hand is met with a few actual high-fives along with a visceral slap to the face of the same hipster fan he whacked in SLAMTRACK 2 - raucous emotion pours from the crowd and RLW security heads over quickly to ensure no one jumps the rail. SMILEY’s hair is perfectly coiffed, at least a gallon of hairspray applied.]

AM: “…..from, MILWAUKEEEEEE, WISCONSIN. Weighing innnnnn at 225 POUUUUUNDS…it’s ‘TACKY’, JACK, SMIIIIIIIILEEEEEEEEEEEY!”

DD: “RLW fans may remember that this is another ‘unknown quantity’ in RLW - his debut match on SLAMTRACK 2 was completely overrun! He’s a man who has long idolized the likes of Pat Sajak, Alex Trebek, and Richard Dawson - and a man with that sort of expression on his face? Frankly, you never know what a man like that is capable of doing. Makes me shudder a bit!”



[The monstrous beast of the House of Hill calmly makes his way to the ring. Eyeing his competitors closely, he nonchalantly climbs the ringside steps and raises both arms towards the fans to loud cheers before climbing in over the top rope.]

AM: “And FINALLY, from LONGVIEWWWWW, TEXAS! Weighing innnnnnNNNN at 274 POUNDS!! Representinggggg the HOUSE of HILLLLLLLL…J! J! HILLLLLLLLLLLLL!!”

DD: “What a MAN-BEAST! Say what you will about their personal lineage, and the legacy their fathers have left them - all three members of the House of Hill work their BUMS off here in the Red Line, and there are few wrestlers with the imposing presence of J.J. Hill! This is going to be a wild contrast in styles - the small, chaotic, wildly unpredictable KID KOALA; the hulking Southern beast J.J. Hill, the completely unknown and potentially dangerous JACK SMILEY - this is truly a fascinating matchup!”

[Ross Russell signals for the bell. JACK SMILEY’s grin has not stopped; it’s as if his jaw is locked in place, and his eyes were not biologically meant to blink. KOALA and HILL cross eyes for a moment before KOALA gestures in a “go ahead” manner; HILL sprints across the ring and throwing a colossal Big Boot into SMILEY’s cold, dead grill. KOALA props himself upon the opposite corner, getting as comfortable as possible while he watches his opponents wrangle. HILL quickly lifts SMILEY eight feet in the air before dropping him into a Press Slam, followed by a nearly-300-pounds Elbow Drop. He goes for the cover, which SMILEY kicks out of at 2. KOALA seems unconcerned. HILL looks towards the corner with a wary eye.]

DD: “J.J. Hill is clearly the powerhouse of this quarterfinal matchup, ladies and gentlemen, but it’s fascinating to watch Kid Koala right now - he seems perfectly satisfied to see his two opponents sweat and bleed and expend their energy…but is this a good idea? J.J. Hill is flat out WRECKING Jack Smiley right now, and it’s completely possible he’ll get a pin while Kid Koala rests on his laurels! Hill has Smiley up, but he’s staring at Koala in the corner, and he’s jawing- WAIT! Smiley with SHARP elbows to Hill’s temple! 4! 5! 6!! He’s built some separation! He runs against the rope - LEAPING - SLEEPER HOLD ON HILL! He’s going to try to choke out the biggest man in this fight - WHY IS KID KOALA JUST SITTING THERE?!”

[HILL staggers for a few moments as referee Ross Russell checks on him - no submission yet. With a cacophonous YAWP, Hill shifts his weight to the left, followed by a violent swing to his right, which sends SMILEY across his body into perfect position for a perfectly-executed ONE HANDED CHOKESLAM. The elevation pops the hell out of the crowd. He rolls SMILEY over.]

DD: “J.J. Hill just CRUSHED the HELL out of Tacky Jack! He’s going for a cover here - wait a minute, Kid Koala has stirred - bounce - BOUNCE - TRIPLE JUMP MOONSAULT!!! Aaaaah! Kid Koala has just WRECKED his opponents with that violent impact! Without skipping a - wait, HOW THE HELL did Kid Koala get back on the top rope that fast?! DIVING HEADBUTT TO J.J. HILL!! Hill is in big pain here, and he’s just - OH - he’s rolled out of the ring! Tacky Jack is up, but wobbling near the ropes - Koala with a few swift kicks and he tangles Smiley up! GOD, KOALA IS SO FAST AT GETTING UP TOP-

…..KOALA KRUSHER! KOALA KRUSHER! Here’s the coverrrrrr!

ONE!

TWO!!

THREE! We have our third semifinalist!”



AM: “Theeeeeeee winnerofthismatch…KID. KOAAAAAAAALAAAAAAAAAAA!”

[HILL, at this point, was a half-step into the ring, making his way to the action - and he’s incredibly disappointed at the sight before him. KID KOALA, in a flash, is practically halfway back to the curtain as his theme roars on.]

DD: “J.J. Hill is a BEAST, ladies and gentlemen - but the fact is, Kid Koala is a wily mother effer. He practically RESTED on those ropes waiting for his moment, and when that moment came, he WIPED OUT Tacky Jack. Our third semifinalist has made his presence felt - how will the others deal with the raw chaos that the Marsupials of Mayhem have to offer?

Next up, folks - we have something that’s been sent to us by one of the newest members of the Red Line Roster. Barry, let’s see what we’ve got!”



[A buxom Japanese woman in a charcoal gray suit and skirt taps her blue and gold tiger striped heels. She’s staring bullets at a bulky dirty blonde man with his hair slicked back, he’s dressed in jeans and a bright neon green T-Shirt with OhNo Cola! emblazoned on the chest like Superman’s S. She’s pointing a rolled up newspaper and pointing at him her other hand firmly on her hip.

A berating is mid-session.]

Woman: “BRYAN, we need to nail this spot in this new place, we need to get OhNo Cola on the lips of those DePaul students, and then to the rest of Chicago.”

B: “Yeah, I know the drill, MIDORI.”

M: “I don’t think you do, I think you think this is all just a big joke. We lost a ton of momentum after leaving Las Vegas and we need to get our percentages up or Corporate will have both our heads. And put that Devil Toy away!”

[BRYAN RODGERS hastily shakes a Magic 8 Ball with a disfiguring H scratched next to the 8. He glances at it’s window… the result appears in a small cut screen in the bottom right hand so others can see it.]

MAGIC H8 BALL: “Tits or GTFO”

B: “Well, that’s not nice H8 BALL.”

H8 BALL: “You’re gay.”

M: “We only have one chance to make a first impression…”

B: “What’s that SKULLINGTON T. CHAIR?”

[The shot widens a bit as BRYAN looks at a steel chair leaning against a wall with a deranged Smiley Face painted on it.]

SKULLY: “…”

B: “He says the cameras have been live, and we only have ten seconds left.”

M: “What? Improvise!”

[BRYAN pops open two OhNo Cola’s and chugs them, giving the camera a cheesy grin that somehow fights through the grimace on his face.]

B: “OhNo Cola! You’ll say, ‘Oh NO!’ when it’s gone.”

[The shot returns to David Bowie Danny Dalton, his jaw agape and eyes darting across the area.]

DD: “…Bryan Rodgers, ladies and gentlemen. Wow. Barry, do you know if we’re sponsored by that company? No? Greeeeat. Well folks, for lack of a better transition, I’m going to send it over to my MAIN MAN, Arin McHenry, who’s jumping at the BIT to introduce a man I alluded to last show - THE MAN who is SUPER IMPORTANT in the world of wrassling! Take it away, Arin!”

AM: “Ladies and gentlemen, joining me at this time…he is the HEAD TRAINER here at Red Line Wrestling, and he is a man you may know…CHICAGO’S OWN! …”

(…)


AM: “LEYYYYYENDA! DEEEEE OOOOOOOOOOOCHOOOOOOOOOOO!”

DD: “MOTHER OF GOD! HOW AWESOME IS THIS??”

[Chicago’s own LEYENDA DE OCHO, with his best-known Zelda mask and NFW Triple Crown Championship around his waist, makes his way towards the ring, receiving loads of high fives and roughly 80% of the maximum cheers possible in an arena such as this. He’s wearing a black tee with the RLW logo across the chest and makes his way to the ring, shaking hands with ARIN McHENRY before getting a microphone of his own.]

LDO: “How’s everybody doing??”

[WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!1]

LDO: “I’ll be honest with you - I’ve gotten to work with every single man and woman you’ve seen here at Red Line Wrestling. Some of them came here as green as grass, some of them are probably just a lucky break away from being the next big thing - but the truth is, it’s been a complete honor and a privilege to work with the stars of Red Line Wrestling. There is SUCH a pool of talent here, and the fact is, it’s becoming REALLY clear that the biggest component of the future of wrestling is going to be HERE, in CHICAGO ILLINOIS!”

[ARE EL DUB! ARE EL DUB! ARE EL DUB!]

LDO: “I’m extremely passionate and excited about what we’re doing here, and we’re doing pretty special things-”



DD: “Wait…wait a second, guys. Wait, wait. Hold on. This is…this is J-MAX. J-MAX is here, now?? Hold on - their masked man in the front, a man that anyone who is ANYONE knows is Yoshikazu YAZ - he’s silent, but he’s pointing towards Leyenda de Ocho! He’s pointing at Ocho - and he’s pointing at himself!! Is this a challenge?? Is YAZ trying to go one-on-one with the Cartridge Cruiser?? Ocho isn’t blinking, he’s SMILING! HE’S BECKONING YAZ FORWARD! The rest of J-MAX is standing by the curtain while they watch YAZ make his way down - IS THIS ABOUT TO HAPPEN FOR REAL? THIS IS AMAZING!!! YAZ VERSUS OCHO??”

[The crowd is going nuts at the prospect of these masked competitors going mano e mano. OCHO smiles, YAZ is emotionless. They slowly raise their hands towards each other, engaging in a confident yet uncomfortable handshake. There isn’t a referee in the ring, though Jen Glass is quickly making her way down towards the ring. OCHO and YAZ make their way to respective corners, inching backwards like an old Western, never breaking their gaze. The crowd is HOT for this very specific moment, a once-in-a-lifetime style match…

…which is IMMEDIATELY ruined, as eKID NAH, KID KOALA, and KANGARRY ROO rush out of the back and BLINDSIDE the rest of J-MAX. A RESOUNDING CHORUS OF ANGRY, HARSH, UNCOMFORTABLE BOOS.]

DD: “Gah- folks at home, I apologize in advance, but DAMN IT MARSUPIALS! Something cool was about to happen!! Why do you have to create chaos EVERYWHERE?? J-MAX is holding their own - Radical Roger Stevens is throwing a mad barrage of chops square in the chest of Kangarry Roo, and it looks like both YAZ and Ocho are doing their best to fend off the Australian Anger Force - wait - WHERE did HEEEEEE COME FROM??”

[Wrigleyville’s Finest, The King of Cornhole, the Fireball Felon himself, JOHNNY DORN, sloppily poured himself out of the back and has begun throwing raucous punches towards anyone with a pulse. FAFNIR and BOOKFACE are not far behind, though their blows seem to be more focused on specific human beings as opposed to “person-like bodies who are within arm’s reach”.]

DD: “Chaos. CHAOS. Can we get some help out here?? Everyone and their ANGRY GERMAN DRAGON MOTHER is trying to make a statement out here, and someone’s going to get hurt!!”

[Enter all members of the House of Hill, because of course they’d get involved. Enter the JUNIOR BALKIN, eager to throw fists and make up for his assy showing on the previous show. Life has become IMMEDIATELY hard for everyone involved with the regular day-to-day of Red Line Wrestling, and as a result, a cavalcade of RLW and DePaul University security staff have poured out of the back, doing their best to restore order.]

DD: “FINALLY, people are out here! Listen, folks at home, I get it - this is a wrestling show. Chaos happens. Stories are told by fights. Anger is generally regarded as an oh-kay-thing. But, seriously, COME ON WITH THIS - anger has RUINED the possibility of a Yoshikazu YAZ versus Leyenda de Ocho match on this show, and that’s a SHAME on the HIGHEST LEVEL! I’m going to cross my fingers along with the rest of you that one of these days we’ll see this technical battle of the HIGHEST LEVEL sometime in the near future, but in the meantime…J-MAX showed quickly that they are not afraid to face ANYONE in the WORLD, and frankly, there is an equal and opposite reaction with the RLW roster - EVERYONE is ready to come forward at ANY TIME to make their presence felt and, FRANKLY, to screw with the proceedings of the show. Because SOME people are JERKS who DON’T WANT NICE THINGS! Er-hem. Excuse me.”

[After several minutes of ruckus and flailing combat, all combatants have been separated and led to the back. ARIN McHENRY, loud suit and all, is cautious about entering the ring.]

DD: “Meanwhile, folks, you may need to buckle your seatbelts - can you believe it? We are TWO SHOWS AWAY from the FIRST EVER Red Line Wrestling iPPV, RUSH HOUR!! SLAMTRACK 5 will feature the semifinals of the inaugural Red Crown Tournament - so far, we’ve seen Ivan Dalkichev, Russ Spackler, and Kid Koala stake their claims in the first round, and our main event tonight features the final quarterfinal match of the tournament. Don’t forget, people, the semifinals will be a RANDOMLY PAIRED TAG TEAM MATCH, with the winners advancing to a one-on-one battle for the ages to crown RLW’s first-ever champion! And there is guaranteed to be ALL SORTS OF ACTION beyond the tournament! Let’s be real - it feels like EVERYONE on the roster is trying to stake their claim early in the history of our young-but-proud promotion - time will tell who succeeds and who fails. Let’s send it over to Arin McHenry, the in-ring Voice of an Angel, for the final match of the night!”

AM: [tugging at his collar, making sure everyone from the previous all-out-brawl has left the SAC.] “The following match, is set for ONE FALL, and it’s THE LAST QUARTERFINAL, TRIPLE THREAT MATCH in the RED CROWWWWWWN CHAAAAAAMPIONSHIP!!”

SAM HILL v. eKID NAH v. THE SECOND COMING





[SAM HILL, somewhat oblivious to the realities of the world around him, scurries towards the ring and slides under the bottom rope. Before long he bounces off the bottom rope while clinging to the top, a grown-up toddler lost in his own mental catacomb to loud approval from the crowd.]

AM: “INTRODUCING FERST….representinggg the HOUSE of HILLLLLLL…Frommmmm SAINT PAULLLLL, MINNESOTAAAAAA! Weighing in at 191 POUUUUUNDS….SAM! HILLLLLLLLLLLLL!”

DD: “To say this man has a screw loose may be an insult to the power screws hold over our day to day lives. What an interesting cat! I think any wrestler will tell you - a man you can’t read is a man you can’t predict, and that’s as dangerous a fellow as you can encounter in a wrestling ring!”



[Again, from the curtain - nothing. Boos echo violently through the crowd. Eventually, eKID NAH enters through the curtain, accompanied in a completely familiar formation by the other members of the Marsupials of Mayhem. A blistering glare is shot towards the barely-there SAM HILL, which is not returned. The tiny fireball that is eKID NAH paces towards the ring, eyeing his rival in the ring.]

AM: “froooooom THE AUSTRALIAN BUSH! Representing the MARSUPIALS of MAYHEMMMMMM…weighing in at a mere 144 pouuuuuuunds…E! KIIIIIIIIIID NAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

DD: “Do you hear those boos?? I hear those boos. And I agree with those boos! The Marsupials of Mayhem have made it plainly known that they’re out for chaos and destruction at the cost of awesome and wonderful things, and that just CHAPS my HIDE. I recognize that I am supposed to be an unbiased commentator, so I’ll just say this - I UNDERSTAND THE BOOS!!”



[A huge pop as a spotlight appears over a woman in a hooded sweatshirt and a jawline mask slowly makes her way to the ring.]

AM: “And finally, FROOOOOM WARRRRRRWICK, NEW YORK! She iiiiis…THE SECOND! COMINGGGGGGGGGGG!!”

DD: “Here’s where we stand, folks: The Second Coming just WRECKED a wildly dangerous man, Johnny Dorn, faster than you can blink at SLAMTRACK 3. I didn’t expect it. If you at home say you expected it, you’re either a GENIUS or a LIAR. The fact is, we are dealing with a blue chip prospect here with the Second Coming, and it will be fascinating to see if she can take care of business when her opponents have a blood feud in the making!”

[Referee Jen Glass signals for the bell and all three wrestlers step towards the middle in striking motions, before engaging in a threeway staredown that pumps up the crowd. SAM HILL winds up for the first punch against eKID NAH, who throws up an arm to block while going for a chop against 2C, who ducks down and tries to sweep the legs of HILL. The three separate and NAH goes ballistic in his pursuit of possibly the most prominent member of the House of Hill. Many punches and stiff kicks thrown, many high flying catch-as-catch-can interactions, such doge. Wow. 2C, who very much studied the matches earlier in the show, has consciously opted to go against the Kid Koala strategy of passive observation and flies in with a flurry of feet, striking anything within reach.]

DD: “What’s great about this match is that EVERYONE’S trying to wipe out EVERYONE - and NO ONE has the edge! Sam Hill with a single leg takedown of the Second Coming - eKid Nah responds RIGHT AWAY with an enzuigiri on Hill! Going for the pin, one! Tw-TWO CEE breaks up the pin! What an even matchup!”

[eKID NAH pops up quickly and leaps upon 2C in a rear naked choke! HILL goes for a spinning mule kick, which CONNECTS with 2C’s guts and drops NAH into an accidental impromptu STUNNER! HILL stands tall, though as wild as he is, he’s unclear about whom to target next - he merely opts to throw leg drops and scoop slams and wild splashes on whomever he can, throwing himself all over the place to the point of exhaustion. Somewhere in all the action, he’s found a way to split his lip, and he smiles wildly to the crowd with a trickle of red down his chin before climbing to the top rope. He goes for a flying MONGOLIAN CHOP on eKID NAH, who rolls out of the way at the last second and slams HILL quickly with a surprisingly powerful Thrust Kick. Hill is all but knocked OUT. NAH stands up, eyeing his prey outside the ring…]

DD: “Man oh man, we’re on the cusp of seeing two members of the Marsupials of Mayhem in the seminfinals of the Red Crown Tournament - Sam Hill went BALLISTIC out there, but he might have been a SHADE OVERZEALOUS, and the Australian Firecracker is getting himself in posit-…wait. WHAT!!

SUPERKICK! SUPERKICK! SUPERKICK BY THE SECOND COMING!! eKid Nah NEVER saw that coming!! And the woman they call 2C is wasting no time here - SHE’S GOT HIM LOCKED UP IN THE FALL FROM GRACE, AND THERE’S NOWHERE FOR eKID NAH TO GO!! Will he tap? Will he tap?? HE WILL! IT’S OVER!”

[Jen Glass rings for the bell.]



DD: “Did you forget about the Second Coming in this match?? I almost did, and that would have been CRIMINAL! Sam Hill and eKid Nah both look like killers out there - and the fact remains, if they were to go head-to-head, or if there is ever a House of Hill versus Marsupials of Mayhem match, we’ve got a HISTORIC MATCH of ABSURD QUALITY guaranteed! What a turnaround…all you can say is kudos to the final semifinalist-”



[Sci-Fi RUSS SPACKLER pops through the curtain in full-on Sharkutan gear, accompanied by his main squeeze lady in a wetsuit. He powers his way to the ring without a blink and stands toe-to-toe with the still-tired but ready for a fight SECOND COMING]

DD: “What does he -“


[Every boo you could imagine. Less quiet suspense than the previous Marsupial entrances - KID KOALA simply enters through the back, an air of quiet confidence, the rest of his Aussie squad in Parts Unknown. He enters the ring and engages SPACKLER and 2C, a chaotic look across his eyes.]

DD: “Are we seriously doing this?? Are we -”



[Enter NATHAN FEAR, the Dire Wolf of RLW, followed by his golden behemoth IVAN DALKICHEV. Towering over all mortals of the plane we live upon, DALKICHEV shakes the earth as he slowly paces to the ring. He easily passes over the top rope, and it’s a four-way standoff, no one knowing whom to trust, whom to attack, who is on their side, who is their opponent.]

DD: “We have our four semifinalists, ladies and gentlemen, and you may notice, not a punch is being thrown - no one wants to risk clocking a member of their own tag team! The teams will be revealed in a few days, but if you think about it - EVERYONE is an obstacle to EVERYONE in that ring! There can only be one!!

I hope you all have a happy Halloween, folks. We will see you for SLAMTRACK 5, and remember - Ride the Red Line, and DON’T FALL ASLEEP!!”

rlw.
 
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