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LQJT86C

Where's my money, Chad?
Joined
Jul 3, 1997
Messages
2,073
Points
36
Age
40
Location
The Silk Road
(FADEIN: Day time, Morris Avenue, Bronx, N.Y. The sound of wheels stumbling along cracked pavement can be heard as a laundry cart comes into view, sporting maybe a dozen neatly pressed t-shirts hanging in plastic covers. PROBLEM CHILD pushes the cart up to the steps of his apartment and turns to greet the camera with a smile and a new haircut. Sweat and gel glimmers from the top of his short-spiked hair, down to the rat-tail on the back of his neck. It's the 1991 evolution of the mullet, and he's brought it back in style. His hand wipes back across his spiked top, fingers flick the sweat to the ground.)

PC: Here we are again, seven years since the last time. It's been that long boys and girls, yes it has. Seven years since any of you last saw me handing out beatdowns, whether it was in Greensboro, the Mid-Atlantic, or small town, Podunk, Bumblef*ck USA. If there was pay to be made, tickets to be sold, or minds to corrupt, PC was more game than the Parker Brothers. Fast forward to last week: I was just a welfare check away from being an E! True Hollywood story when who do I see on cable? Troy Windham. See, that's what old friends do for each other. When your best bro from days yonder is broke and in need of a fix, you need to be there with a $55 check and a chance to be a star working 285 days a year in Maine. And believe me, when Troy checks his voice messaging system which I filled up over the weekend, or responds to one of the 418 e-mails I sent from two different accounts, he'll know how appreciative his old buddy is of the opportunity his secretaries gave me to finally earn a pay check that wasn't signed by the federal government. As much as I was getting used to the sweet nectar of government cheese, it's nice to be able to treat myself to five star dining courtesy of Elmo's Fried Chicken Shack. And I'm not talking about the $3.99 two-piece with mashed potatoes, either No, I went to town on Meal Box #5, the $12.99 5 piece with 3 biscuits, a corn on the cob, and a family size portion of mashed potatoes.

Because in this neighborhood, you have to have a little class. You have to dine like a gentleman. (Nods at his t-shirts) You have to dress like a champion. And always remember: in the Bronx, if you've met a girl who hasn't been to either Rape Victims Anonymous meetings or a Planned Parenthood clinic, that's the special little lady you bring home to mom. That is, assuming mom isn't passed out or dead.

(CUEUP: "Peace Sells (But Who's Buying?)" by Megadeth)

PC: By the way, did you see what I just brought back from the dryers? Oh, I didn't show you this? ... What is it? Oh well, only the finest collection of Megadeth t-shirts in all the world! Why, check out this vintage Mechanix screaming skull silver and black t-shirt, signed by the master of metal himself, Dave Mustaine! Ooooh, here we have a Peace Sells tee! Here's an oldie but goodie: your basic Megadeth skull and crossbones in sunglasses (turns it over)...oh and what's this? Oh yeah, that's right, it was signed by the whole F*CKING band! You know what, why am I sitting here wasting my time with you people? I'm the new face of this franchise. I'm the sh*t. I'm best friends with Troy Windham. Oh by the way, Troy...CHECK YOUR E-MAILS BRO! I'm tired of sending 'em! So to the people at home watching: get a life. You've had your fill of PC for the day. In the meantime, I need to get these f*ckers upstairs and into my closet. You know why? Because I take proper care of my Megadeth t-shirts, that's why. Unlike some fans, who just wear their sh*t wherever, whenever, getting it ripped, frayed, whatever...I take care of my prized possessions. Now if you'll excuse me!

(FADE OUT as the song ends with Mustaine's V/O: PEACE SEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLSSSS!!!!)
 

terence

assfag
Joined
Sep 10, 2008
Messages
64
Points
0
Age
44
Location
acme michigan
dude dont f*ck with me i hate assfags like you. when we meet in the ring im gonna f*ck you up hardcore metal style b*tch. you see this guitar i take to the ring? its going straight up your f*ckin ass motherf*cker ill f*ckin kill you. first of all i own like every f*ckin megadeth tshirt in existince and there aint no f*ckin mechanix megadeth tshirt you f*ckin toolbag. i should f*ck you up on principle for sayin that stupid sh*t. dude the owner of the league better make me win this match with you cause you have sh*t knowledge of megadeth and i cant lose to a guy who doesnt f*ckin know his sh*t. do you realize how much i love this band? do you even know who iron maiden is? suck my big fat f*ckin cock you german shiese porn loving c*ckwank. lick my f*ckin wank. dude i went to the voting booth in 20-04 and you think i voted for bush or cheney? f*ck no i told them i wanted to vote for dave mustaine but they told me i had to like request a ballot and write it in ahead of time so i said to her f*ck you and i ripped the f*ckin curtain off the voting booth and they called the cops on me lololololololol!!!!!!!!! seriously man private messge me and ill ****in tell you about it they brought me down to the precunct and everything hahahahahaha. anyway f*ck you im gonna beat your ass in the ring you ****in assfag.

WAR METAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

GreggG

Moderator
Joined
Jan 1, 2000
Messages
810
Points
18
(CUT TO: POWERMASTER sitting behind an oak desk, a blue/black/gold lightning bolt painted on his face, wearing a white Steve Martin-style suit with matching tassles over it, in front of a picture of Troy Windham's face.)

PM: Terrrennnnceeee.... I MUST INTRODUCE MYSELF. This is the POWERMASTER. I and I ALONE am the aggro-intenze MASTER OF TWW. I and I ALONE am the one who can bellow the yak's horn to SUMMON THE SPIRIT LORDZ HIGH ABOVE. And I and I ALONE am the one with the imbuned knowledge of FOKRUUUUCIIIIITY to understanddddd the wayyzzzz of the SPIRIT LORRDDZZZZZ as theeyyy guide me in a position of authority and POSITIVE AND PRO ACTIVE LEADERSHIP here in TROY WINDHAM WRESTLING.

(PowerMaster beats his chest as his office chair rolls back and forth.)

PM: Terence, you say that you want me, the RULER of this promotion, to determine if you shall win or looooose. Well, Terence, my friend, the Spirit Lordz summoned me by casting a series of LIGHTNING STRIKES near BARRE VERMONT which caused an etching in stone. But not just ONE etching, but TWO etchings as they were DICTATES from the aggro-intenze godz of yore whoooo gavve meeee fooookrrruuciitttyyyyy.

THE FIRST DICTATE TERENCE SAID THAT YOU MUST WIN MATCHES ON YOUR OWN. For while I am the AGGRO INTENZE COMMISSIONER OF TWW I do not have the authority from the SPIRIT LORDZ HIGH ABOVE to determine your the FATE of your conquestz.

THE SECOND DICTATE TERENCE SAID THAT I MUST HELP YOU WIN MATCHES. For the Spirit Lordz IDENTIFY WITH THE TRUE METAL! They are the onez who ADVIZED ME to chose Megadeath's TAKE NOOOOO PRRIIIZOOONERRRSSSS as my theme music! WE ARE BROTHERZ IN TRUE METAL AND WEEEE SHALLL ALLLLWAYSSS UNITE!

Terenceeeee... YOU ARE AGGRO INTENZE JUST AS I! And I... WILL... SHOWWW... YOU... THE... WAYZ... OF... FOKRUCITYYYYY!!!!!

(FTB)
 

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