Yori Yakamo jr
League Member
The Wrestling Chronicle’s WNW Report
11/1/06
Live from Ottawa, ON
MBE makes its first trip to the Great White North this week, an area that always was a strong moneymaker for them, sold out the complex pretty quickly, but it’s only about a 6,000 seat place. Still, the full house looks much better on TV this week. Amazingly enough, a week without a single backstage blow-up or threatened no-show. Some kind of miracle. Perhaps they have finally stabilized things a bit. A bunch of new talent debuting too, so should be an interesting show.
QH1
Cold open this week. Irishred is in his locker room, ribs taped up from his assault last week. He says that he didn’t see who attacked him last week, but it must have been a coward, to attack him from behind. He knows he has a lot of enemies in the locker room, and even more now that there is a bounty on his head. Perhaps he has done a lot to deserve the enmity of the locker room, but whatever he does, whatever he says, it’s always done face to face. Whoever did this ain’t gonna collect the bounty off his ass, that easily, though. If they want to take him out, they’ll have to finish the job this week. And he’ll be waiting.
Credits. Lights. Crowd Shots. We are off!
We start right with the wrestling, and it’s six-man action. The motley crew of Duchess and the Lot is on their way to ringside. Could it be another of the trademark MBE WACKY MISMATCHED TAG TEAM THAT ACTUALLY SUCCEEDS IN THE RING, only time will tell. Juen Lee is noticeably absent this week. The show just isn’t quite the same without him prancing around dressed like a hooker. The Inner Sextum will have to pick up the hooker slack this week. There are quotas to meet. Jogi and crew are out next. Jimmy is sans Billies this week. I smell shenanigans afoot. The Lot rush out to attack their opponents on the rampway. But obviously there was some miscommunication on the team, or Duchess is just going to be fashionably late to the brawl. Numbers quickly overwhelm the Lot and they get dumped back into the ring to start the match proper.
Jimmy Donovan is all over poor Mac, even choking the poor hooligan with his bolo tie. Jock and Jogi take their turns as well, culminating in a beautiful Hart attack variation ending in a spinning heel kick from Jock. Nate breaks up the pinfall, as Duchess examines her cuticles. The Lot turns the tables through their usual repertoire of blatant cheating. In this case an eye poke, some biting, and a pulled down top rope, sends Jogi out to ringside, where Nate hot shots him onto the railing, before being chased off by Jogi’s tag partners. Duchess takes the opportunity to jump Jimmy from behind and send him head first into the stairs. Ouch.
Mac rolls Jogi back into the ring and starts running through his oeuvre of stomps, kicks and elbow drops. In comes Nate and they start working over Jogi’s arm. Nate grabs a Fujiwara, as Mac drops a knee on the exposed shoulder before being ushered out of the ring. Nate pulls out the funky British carny submission #946 or something, wrapping Jogi’s arm in the ropes while scissoring the arm and hanging upside down on the ring apron. Funky. Jock dropkicks him off the apron and the melee resumes. The ref tries to force Jock back to his corner, allowing Duchess and Mac to double team Jogi in the corner with the choking. Duchess fakes a tag behind the ref’s back and goes right back to work on Jogi’s arm with a short keylock. So much for the Prime Time Player reunion. Jogi powers out and dumps Duchess to the mat. Can’t quite make the tag, though, as Nate cuts him off and drags him back into the unfriendly corner. Jogi almost ends the match right there with a small package out of nowhere, but Nate barely escapes and slaps on a cross armbreaker. Jogi locks his arms to block, but Duchess casually kicks the Fresh one’s arms apart. Jogi is in trouble, but Donovan makes the save before the Fresh one can tap. The ref escorts Jimmy out, and the Lot uses the distraction for another double team, but Jogi ducks an axe handle off the top from Mac and the Lot members crash into each other.
HOT TAG JOCK! Jock cleans house dumping Mac over the ropes with a clothesline, and spearing Nate through the ropes. Duchess tries for a bulldog, but Jock catches her and delivers a backbreaker. That gets two. Jock looks for the Pimp Smack, but Duchess twists free and escapes, catching Jock with a standing rana roll-up, but Jimmy breaks it up. Duchess rises and gets dropped with MORE COWBELL. Jimmy covers. NO! Mac breaks it up. Jimmy is pissed! Right hand Jimmy! Right hand Mac! Right hand Jimmy! Eye poke Mac! Ooh. Kick to the jimmies! JIMMY DOWN! And it’s SHEFFIELD STOMP TIME! Half the crowd is chanting along, I guess Canadians like their footy. A British MBE fan e-mailed me the chant this week. It goes something like this…
“Oh Sheffield
Oh sheffield
Is wonderful
Is wonderful
Oh Sheffield is wonderful
Full of tits fanny and Wednesday
Oh Sheffield is wonderful”
So now you know.
That gets two, as Jogi is in, to break it up. He immediately drops Mac with a combo, but ends up clutching his right arm and gets caught with a hanging armbar from Nate. Mac gets ushered from the ring by the ref, as GODZILLA makes his triumphant return to Canada. Or some guy dressed in a Godzilla costume. Or else Godzilla is about 6’2” now. Nate drops the hold and waves Godzilla off. But Godzilla takes umbrage to this and snaps Nate throat first over the tope rope. Jogi grabs a schoolboy and a diving Mac is a second too late to save his partner.
WINNER: JOGI/JOCK/JIMMY (13:30 Jogi->Nate- Schoolboy Roll-up)
Fun match, with a wild ending. Two guesses on who was in the Godzilla suit. Wonder how bad Jogi’s arm is, and if it will be a factor next week in the Title Tourney semifinals. Lot/Duchess were pretty tenacious in going after it.
QH2
Doc and company are having a powwow outside the arena. Greenie is covered in soot and suggests that trying to slip in through the maintenance pipe is probably a bad idea. Doc says he wants to know every entrance into the building, and he’ll be damned if Red is gonna beat him to the ring. Red says Dority may have softened Red up, but he’s not taking any chances. Dority said he wasn’t responsible at all. Doc gets pissed and asks if he gave Dority that bonus for nothing. Dority just thought he was doing good work lately. Doc says, sure compared to Greenie, but that doesn’t make him competent. Doc whips out the building plan for the arena, and says to put ladders here, here and here, and start building a ditch here. Doc is truly the cerebral assassin.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Back to live TV, and we are in the Office de Yori. Yori has apparently made a brief stopover from battling Monkey Hitler and sleeping with Catherine the Great (don't ask) to help Justin prepare for his match with Andy. And seeing as it is a First Blood match, logically they need to grease up Justin’s entire naked body with Vaseline to keep him from getting cut. Of course. There is a comically large (I hope) black bar over Justin’s junk, but good lord that in no way makes the scene any less disturbing. Meanwhile, The Hobo and a Thai Hooker play tetherball in the background. ROBOYORI bursts in. Literally. He comes through the wall. Hmm, no wonder MBE has yet to turn a profit yet. All these incidental expenses, like towing the Yugo from show to show and replacing arena walls, really add up after a while. The YORobot is very excited for tonight’s dance contest. Smitty explains for the last time that the Robot has to wrestle not dance.
“DANCE CONTEST?”
“ROBOYORI wrestle.”
“ROBOYORI DANCE?”
“Wrestle”
“DANCE?”
“Who’s on First” it ain’t.
Yamada peers through the giant hole in the wall that connects the two offices. Yori says he’ll write a check as soon as he is finished greasing up Justin. Yamada says that his daughter is coming by next week. Yori shrieks in horror at the prospect of a visit from his ex-wife, but Yamada says that it’s his youngest daughter.
“Oh….HOT!”
Yamada is not amused. And he insists everyone have his or her pants on next week, even the freaking robot. Justin says Yamada doesn’t know what he is missing. He has the team do this once a week, whether he is wrestling a First Blood match or not. That’s. Just. Great.
Thankfully we head abruptly to a PPV promo for Total Elimination. We get the short form on the amusingly endless Lot/Billies feud. Ah, the memories.
Speaking of the Billies, they are relaxing in their locker room with Jimmy when the Lot bursts in. They accuse the Billies of shenanigans! More specifically of tieing up Juen Lee in their locker room and stealing his Godzilla Halloween costume and costing The Lot their match. The Billies calmly ask The Lot to prove it if they can. The Lot says they don’t need any proof; they’ll beat the truth out of them right now. Jake deftly reminds the Lot that if they do that, they’ll lose their title shot at Total Elimination. The Lot stews on this for a bit, before calling them wankers and toadies and stomping off in anger. Touché, indeed.
The Web Browser is Walking!
ROBOYORI IS DANCING!
Browser/YORobot is next. ONLY ON WNW!
COMMERCIAL BREAK
QH3
Down to the ring and The Web Browser is on his way. I suppose it is refreshing to see a man completely unconcerned with the muscle fetishism that pervaded pro wrestling. Or, you know, owning actual ring gear, or shaving. Of course, I still will bet on the Help Desk supervisor over the dancing robot. Every time.
Speaking of the YORobot. He arrives with all the splendor and fanfare due a giant sex robot. They put him in his Halloween costume too, I hope. Or else he goes around dressed like Elvis all the time. Not really fat Elvis or skinny Elvis. More like Giant Robot Elvis. I think I say that movie on USA Up All Night once. The robot does have the hip-shaking down, though.
The Web Browser tries to lock up with ROBOYORI but gets knocked to the ground by the robot’s gyrations. Smitty tries to convince ROBOYORI to wrestle, but the robot gets confused and thinks the Web Browser is his dance partner. The world’s most awkward salsa dance starts, with the Web Browser unable to escape the crushing grip of the YORobot. The robot dips Browser to the mat and gets a two count, but pulls him up before the pin, much to Smitty’s chagrin. The Browser finally escapes through a very nice pas de deux and dropkicks the Robot. The Robot thinks that is part of the dancing, but his dropkick is slightly less successful and he ends up prone on his back. ROBOYORI DOWN. He tries to hip thrust his way back to his feet, but obviously needs another software upgrade, as a confused and slightly dizzy Browser makes the pin.
WINNER: THE WEB BROWSER (2:27- Failed ROBOT Dropkick)
Certainly, that was everything I could have hoped for.
The Thai Hookers arrive with a handtruck to cart the YORobot Elvis off to the back. Sorry Ottawa, there will be no encore.
Yamada is here with the next induction into the MBE Hall of Fame. Joining the Force of Nature and Suptool is the Great BOBBYR. Big pop for that. Makes sense too, you can’t have the Force of Nature without Bobby. Plus you get the inevitable Bobby/Spoils showdown. Assuming they can meet Spoiler’s asking price. At last report negotiations were not going well.
A nice video package highlighting Bobby’s career airs. Man, it’s weird to think a lot of this stuff is seven years old, makes me feel positively ancient. I remember watching that Doc/Bobby/Spoiler three way my last year in college on crappy fancam. Still a great match, though.
Senior Referee Lance Thunder is outside the arena, explaining the rules to Doc and Red. I like the idea of MBE trying to com up with a signature match, and the concept is ludicrous and violent enough that it fits well in the fed’s rich history of crazy-ass convoluted gimmick matches. Lance starts the match. Doc pokes Red in the eye and makes a beeline for the main foyer. Well, credit for sticking to his plan, at least. He gets to the doors, but finds them all locked. Red says he called in a little favor, and Doc will have to find another way into the building. From inside, Duchess peers out around a corner, and gives a little wave to Doc. Doc turns to meet his face, and eats a left cross right to the mush. Red is on top of Doc in the mount and starts raining down shots as Doc tries to cover up. Nope, nevermind, Doc has conveniently hidden a baseball bat in the bushes by the doors and wacks Red with it. Clever, that Doc.
Doc slams the bat across Red’s injured ribs and then smashes in the glass around the door. I hope MBE has good insurance. He tries to clear out enough space to slip through, but Red is on him in a flash and slams his head through the remnants of the glass door, and now we see why Doc was not in the first blood match. Red tosses Doc down the steps of the arena and out onto the sidewalk. He finds a nearby magazine kiosk, puts in his fifty cents for the Ottawa Daily News and then slams Doc’s head into the kiosk and shuts the door across his face, repeatedly. Red does have a certain flair in these kind of matches. He sets Doc for a suplex on the concrete, but Doc manages to block and trip Red down to the ground. He drops a knee across Red’s throat. Okay, that was suitably crazy. He throws Red up against the steps and starts with the choking.
After a few seconds Doc makes a beeline around the side of the building, where he finds a ladder helpfully propped up against an open window. He makes it about halfway up before Red comes charging at him and pulls Doc down from the ladder. He slams Doc head first into the ladder, and then back first into a nearby oak tree, where the Midwestern mafioso peppers Doc’s body with jabs. Doc fights back with an eye rake, but Red responds in kind and then Northern Light Suplexes Doc into the ladder. Red climbs the ladder himself, and looks for a Cold Shot, but Doc blocks it and delivers an Ace’s Full Stunner, knocking the wind right out of Red’s sails. To commercial we go.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
QH4
Back to the action and Doc has Red pinned under the ladder outside the building and is stomping on it. Red is bleeding as well now, and a replay helpfully fills us in as Doc rakes Red’s head up and down the tree bark. Doc suplexes Red on the cold unforgiving earth, and heads up the ladder again. Red gets a hold of Doc’s boot, but Greenie appears in the window and helpfully pulls Doc through and into the arena. Red has no choice but to follow.
Red is in a dark storeroom and can’t seem to find Doc or Greenie. He finally finds a light, and turns it on, only to see the visage of Dan Dority standing in front of him. Whoops. Dority tosses Red right into a stacked row of folding chairs. He picks a chair off the rack, but Red dodges the chair shot and kicks Dority in the nuts. He grabs the lightbulb out of the light and smashes it into Dority’s head. Just sick. Red makes it to the door, but gets it slammed on his chest by Doc who pulls Red into the hallway and slams him against the far wall. Referee Lance Thunder finally rejoins the action, after having found a way into the arena, and apparently stopping for a pretzel. Not much work for him to do at the moment anyway.
Doc finds some electrical wire nearby and wraps it around Red’s throat while slamming his head in the door. This is actually pretty disturbing to watch. Doc drags Red up into the second level of the arena and tries to toss him down the steps as the crowd moves to gather around them. Red blocks it, and elbows Doc a few times to free himself. He catches Doc with an inverted atomic drop and then knocks him down with a clothesline. He pulls Doc to his feet and drives him into the popcorn machine adjacent to the arena entrance. Ouch. Doc is on Dream Street…and covered in hot buttery popcorn. Red follows that up with a piledriver on the concrete. He starts to drag the corpse of Doc down the steps to ringside, not paying too much mind to what condition Doc gets there in. After cracking off the fourth or fifth consecutive step, Doc jolts back to consciousness and trips Red’s leg, sending him tumbling down the last few steps into the first level of the arena. Doc grabs a chair and cracks it off Red’s back, and he has the former extreme champ trapped up against the railing, so there is no give. He chokes Red across the railing and then tosses him over the railing straight down to the floor. Red crashes into a pile of chairs and people, as security tries to get a handle on the situation and we go to another commercial.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
QH5
Back to action again, and Red and Doc still haven’t made it to the ring. Doc has Red alongside the rampway and is choking him with a chair. Red has absolutely been beaten to hell in this match. The crowd tries to rally him as Doc sets Red for a DDT on the ramp. Red finds the intestinal fortitude to counter, twisting out and catching Doc with a neckbreaker. Red tries to drag Doc into the ring, but eats a low blow right before he drags him through the ropes.
Doc follows with a suplex on the ramp and finally gets Red into the ring. He covers, but ONLY GETS TWO! Red is quite the son of a *****. Doc sets Red for the River, but Red escapes and hits a desperation enzuigiri. Doc is rocked, and drops to one knee. Red follows with a shot to the crotch and Doc doubles over. Red asks the audience for a chair, and piles of chairs are tossed into the ring before security regains control. Red picks a nice looking one out and cracks Doc with it, splattering blood all over a ringside camera. Red covers, but Doc is out at two! Red sets up two chairs adjacent to each other in the corner and drags Doc up onto the top turnbuckle. He looks for THE WHIPPING POST, but Doc wraps his arm around the ropes to block it. Red slams forearms and elbows into Doc’s back, but Silver won’t let go of that rope. He pulls Silver’s head up and fires some more shots off, but Silver just responds in kind. The shots to the ribs finally overwhelm Red and Doc hops up onto the top turnbuckle and DDTS RED OFF THE TOP ROPE THROUGH THE CHAIRS! Crap. Doc takes seemingly forever to make the pinfall and RED GETS HIS SHOULDER UP.
Doc is incensed and just starts going ape **** on Red with a chair. He makes a huge pile of chairs in the corner and German Suplexes Red onto them, just an uncomfortable looking landing in every possible way. He drags Red into the center of the ring. NO! Red is out at two again. Doc has had absolutely enough and pulls Red up to the top, where he looks to finish things with a Top Rope River. Red tries to elbow his way free, he wraps his legs around the turnbuckle, anything to keep him in one piece. Doc almost has his arms wrapped around Red’s head, when the former extreme champ just fires off about ten successive back headbutts. Just sickening, full on, cranium on cranium shots. They take their toll on both men. Doc drops to the mat and Red slumps over the turnbuckle post.
Doc is back up, he climbs after Red, but Red is waiting and grabs Doc and DIVES TO THE OUTSIDE with a Diamond Cutter through the announce table. HOLY ****! Red manages to drape an arm over Doc, but he seems to have forgotten the rules of the match, or had them concussed out of him. Take your pick. Red slowly drags Doc up onto the ring apron and rolls him into the ring. He doesn’t go for the cover, instead sets Doc for the BAD COMPANY. BUT DOC BITES DOWN ON RED’S FOREARM. Well, he will do anything to win. Red loosens the grip on the hold and Doc adds a groin shot. Ace’s Full! Both men are down. Doc spits some blood out of his mouth, anyone’s guess on if it’s Red’s or his own. Doc sloughs to his feet. Another Ace’s Full! That only gets two! THE RIVER! THE RIVER! That has to be it. And mercifully it is. What an unrepentant bloodbath. Doc eeks his way into the finals.
WINNER: DOC SILVER (32:06- The River)
Crazy, but methodically paced brawl. This is the kind of match that plays right into these guys’ hands. I don’t know if it will end up on any MOTY lists but it had solid psych and big spots. Not to mention that it had me cringing and grabbing the cushions on my sofa about ten times.
Doc manages to make it to the back (with a little help from Greenie and Dority carrying him). The EMTs come down to take a look at Red, but he waves them off and limps to the back under his own power. Looks like Doc is gonna be about 10Gs richer. Don’t bet it all in one place, Doc.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
QH6
Back from commercial with the Fresh One and crew. Biff asks Jogi for some thoughts on meeting Doc Silver next week for a shot at the Big Gold Belt. Jogi says Doc has been wrestling with a purpose. He’s also a lowdown bastard that will do anything to win the title. Jogi can respect that, but he’s not afraid to fight dirty, either. No one expected him to get this far when MBE reopened, and no one expects him to win the title now, probably. He’s been proving the doubters wrong since he stepped foot back in an MBE ring, and he is more than ready to lead this promotion back into the promised land, and follow in the footsteps of MBE champs like Maggot, PILE, and The Spoiler. Biff asks him how his arm is feeling. Jogi stares some daggers into Biff before smiling, and answering it will feel just find after he shoves it down Biff’s throat for asking too many questions. He and the entourage stalk off, though Jock pause to add a “Yeah, listen to my boy” before leaving.
Down to ringside for a pair of debuts, as Larry the Luddite takes on Cool Frank Cutta. Frank gives us some freestylin’ and profilin’ as he heads down to ringside, and as wrestling rappers go, he’s quite all right. I suppose that might be construed as damning with faint praise, though. Larry the Luddite is on his way now, as the British invasion of MBE continues. He had his daughter in tow, who looks oddly like that girl who gets in a fight with her boyfriend at the club every Friday after a few too many shots of Goldschlager.
CFC takes control of the match early, riding a hammerlock to the mat and driving some knees into the back of Larry. He turns that into a modified camel clutch, and Larry scrambles to the ropes for a break. Larry turn to go on offense now, as he slips out of an armbar and starts laying in some kicks to the small of Frank’s back. A leg kick knocks Frank to the ground and Larry follows with a big senton, as Larry’s daughter screams at ringside. Quite a set of pipes on the lass. CFC blocks a punch and takes Larry down with an amateur wrestling slam. CFC slaps on a half crab and works over Larry’s back. The Luddite makes it to the ropes to force a break, though. Larry gets knocked to the mat with a spin kick, but CFC heads up top a bit too early, and gets tossed from the top turnbuckle to the mat.
Larry commences the stomping and kicks. Hmm, perhaps in hindsight matching up two men with little technical wrestling ability was a bad idea. Larry pulls on CFC’s neck at a weird angle. I suppose that is almost a wrestling move. CFC powers out, but gets slammed back down again. I guess there is some credence to that whole freakish strength thing on the Luddite. CFC tries a different tact and slips out of the hold. He hits the ropes, but gets tripped up by Bitty, he turns to take a swipe at her and she swings her garish purse at him. The ref tries to separate the two, but Larry comes out of nowhere and clocks CFC with the EMP. And that is that.
WINNER: LARRY THE LUDDITE (4:51- EMP)
Short and to the point. Tough to gauge either man completely. I’ll have to see them in longer matches. Both have interesting gimmicks, though, and have a reputation as good talkers, so we will see where this goes. The roster may not be big enough yet, but I am thinking with all the brawlers and hardcore addicts, MBE may need to bring back the extreme division sooner, rather than later.
Justin is (greased up and) walking!
QH7
Biff tries to get a word in with Andy on his way to the ring, but the Gilkinator is focused and ready and doesn’t have time for interviews. He is after one thing and one thing only, the Big Gold Belt. It’s eluded him for seven years, and tonight he takes one more step towards finally achieving it. Hmm, that was almost an interview.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
It’s time for our main event and our second elimination match of the evening. Andy has to be the odds-on favorite, but Justin has surprised a lot of people since his return to MBE. Plus, he has the giant sex robot and Hobo Jesus in his corner. Canada loves Justin, but of course they also love the Trailer Park Boys, so there is no accounting for taste, I guess. Andy is out to a thunderous ovation. One MBE stalwart got knocked out tonight; can Andy keep the old guard from going 0-2?
Match starts off in the ring, with the two cautiously locking up. Andy powers Justin to the corner and the Gilkinator wastes no time going to work, whipping Justin across the ring into the far turnbuckle and following with a clothesline/bulldog combo, but he slips right off on the bulldog and lands on his ass. STRATEGERY! Justin hits a dropkick out of the corner and knocks Andy from the ring. He starts to head out for a dive, but Andy ducks around the ring post and Justin has to swing himself back into the ring. He poses and adds some hip thrusting for the ladies.
Back in the ring, Justin works an armbar. Andy tries to body slam Justin, but finds it akin to body slamming a greased up hog and Justin easily slips out. Andy changes tactics and just punches Justin right in the face. A second time and Justin goes down. Andy stomps Justin, forcing the True Face to roll out of the ring this time. Andy tries to follow with a pescado, but the YORobot Elvis shoves Justin out of the way and catches Andy. Then he does a dance, before ramming Andy into the ring post. The ref has had enough and sends Hobo and Robot to the back. Robot Elvis is not happy. He distracts the ref with his ROBOT DANCE OF DISTRACTION, allowing Hobo Jesus to lay the boots into Andy, while Justin grabs a fire extinguisher from under the ring. He drives it into Andy’s ribs as the ref finally just shoves ROBOYORI off the apron and onto his back. And back come the Thai Hookers with the handtruck. I hope they are getting overtime. Justin tries to crack Andy in the head with the extinguisher, but the Gilkinator ducks and kicks it back in Justin’s face. Looks like the Vaseline is doing the trick so far, though. Andy tosses Justin head first into the barricades, and then dropkicks his prone body. Andy is really bringing the goods tonight.
He tries to hotshot Justin across the barricade, but the Rated ‘R’ Pop Star slips out and backdrop suplexes Andy on the mats. Back under the apron and he returns with his old trademark kendo stick. He cracks Andy across the back, neck and then the face(!) but no blood is drawn. Sick shots, though. Kendo stick aided neckbreaker lays Andy out and Justin heads up top. No doubt to do something stupid. He tries to bust out the Flying Tornado DDT again, but Andy has it scouted and twists Justin around, before dropping him across the barricade with a spinebuster. Justin’s back is spasmatic as Andy takes a moment to recover. I will be shocked if Justin is walking under his own power at 40. Rolling suplexes on the floor. See above. Andy starts working over Justin’s head with some short punches, but the Vaseline is annoying the crap out of him and he finally just turns the fire extinguisher on Justin’s face. I don’t know if that will actually help, but whatever. Perhaps Andy has some chemistry background I am unaware of, because the punches seem to be landing solidly now. Andy whips Justin into the far barricade and grabs a chair from ringside. He tosses it at Justin’s head, but the True Face catches it and tosses back at Andy who catches it. SKEETBOARD! Andy is down. No blood still, and we’ll be right back.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
QH8
Back and Justin is raking Andy’s face against the rampway, as Andy tries to cover up and protect himself. Justin locks on the Champagne room, probably to try and wear Andy down further. He is having trouble applying it, though and Andy slips behind him. HYOOOOOGE German on the ramp. Justin is having his head-spiking ways turned against him this evening. Andy goes for another German, but Justin grabs the ring ropes for support. UNFOUUUUUUULLLLL. Ah, the good old mule kick to the jimmies. Justin snaps off a DDT and Andy is in trouble. Justin is looking for the VMA OFF THE RAMP, nope, Andy escapes. GILKIMISSION!
Justin is quickly losing consciousness. This does not bode well for the True Face of MBE’s title aspirations. Andy adds the body scissors and Justin drifts off. Andy grabs the kendo stick from outside the ring and snaps a piece off. He’s looking to carve Justin up. That shocks Justin into consciousness and he fights tooth and nail to keep the wood from cutting him. He gets an arm free and starts tearing at Andy’s face and ear, and that finally gets him free. He adds another kick to the junk for good measure, but an incensed Andy catches his blind charge and hotshots him on the ring ropes. Gilkination DDT into the CROWD! Insane! Andy starts piling Justin under the furniture again, as he looks to finish things just like last week. He hops back up onto the ramp and signals for the frog splash.
BUT HERE’S PROMO! He tackles Andy on the ramp and starts laying into the worn down Gilkinator. What a bastard. He hits his own version of the Kata Hajime, the FADEOUT, and Andy is gently lulled to sleep. Meanwhile, Justin has recovered enough and climbs onto the ramp with a chair in hand. Promo drops the dazed Gilkie and heads to the back, wishing Justin some good luck. Justin doesn’t seem super happy about this turn of events, but he cracks Andy with the chair anyway. Gilkison tries to get to his feet, but Justin keeps setting him down with chair shots as the crowd boos. Justin hesitates a second too long on the final chair shot and Andy goes downstairs. He hoists Justin ANDYBO…..No! Andy doesn’t have the strength left and the two competitors collapse in a heap on the ramp. Justin has the chair again. AFTER PARTY ON THE CHAIR! Andy is out! Justin has the kendo piece. He is carving up Andy. There it is. Andy is bleeding. Justin is onto the semifinals with an assist from that damn Promo.
WINNER: JUSTIN EVITABLE (15:29)
Promo comes out for a victory celebration and tosses Justin off the ramp, into the crowd. He stands over the bleeding Andy and carves him up some more, just for jollies. He sets Andy for a PromoPlex off the ramp, but heeeeeere’s IRISHRED, he takes umbrage to Promo’s assault and the two are going at it. Red looks like the freaking mummy with all the bandages he is wrapped in, right now. Promo gets the advantage, but an enraged and conscious Andy helps turn the tide, as the roving band of refs comes to try and separate the three brawlers.
Till tells us that it’s Jogi v. Doc and Justin v. Duchess next week for a spot in the finals and a shot at the Big Gold Belt next week live from the arena, and fade to black we go.
FINAL THOUGHTS
A lot more wrestling on this week’s show. The big top of the hour brawl was really good, and I like the gimmick, but they probably could have cut some time off it and given it to the main event or the debuts’ match. Two long hardcore matches may have been overkill, too, though both were quite good. I don’t love the ending with Promo, but word has it this is put up or shut up time for the Underground Icon, so we’ll see how he can do against Andy. He still has a ton of heel heat, though. Doesn’t super help Justin, but he has a built in grudge match with Duchess, which should be loads of fun. And hey, if he makes it to the finals, no one will remember how he got there.
Lots of little pieces this week which seem to be adding up to something big, can’t quite put my finger on it yet, but if the rumors for Total Elimination are true, it will be an absolutely can’t miss show on several fronts. Next week at the arena is key, since they are basically hyping a PPV where they don’t know the main event match. But on their home turf you know they will pull out all the stops.
REWIND AWARDS for 11/8
MOTN: Justin Evitable v. Andy Gilkison
SOTN: Red’s Diamond Cutter through the announce table
LOTN: “Ladies and Gentlemen, Robot Elvis has left the building
11/1/06
Live from Ottawa, ON
MBE makes its first trip to the Great White North this week, an area that always was a strong moneymaker for them, sold out the complex pretty quickly, but it’s only about a 6,000 seat place. Still, the full house looks much better on TV this week. Amazingly enough, a week without a single backstage blow-up or threatened no-show. Some kind of miracle. Perhaps they have finally stabilized things a bit. A bunch of new talent debuting too, so should be an interesting show.
QH1
Cold open this week. Irishred is in his locker room, ribs taped up from his assault last week. He says that he didn’t see who attacked him last week, but it must have been a coward, to attack him from behind. He knows he has a lot of enemies in the locker room, and even more now that there is a bounty on his head. Perhaps he has done a lot to deserve the enmity of the locker room, but whatever he does, whatever he says, it’s always done face to face. Whoever did this ain’t gonna collect the bounty off his ass, that easily, though. If they want to take him out, they’ll have to finish the job this week. And he’ll be waiting.
Credits. Lights. Crowd Shots. We are off!
We start right with the wrestling, and it’s six-man action. The motley crew of Duchess and the Lot is on their way to ringside. Could it be another of the trademark MBE WACKY MISMATCHED TAG TEAM THAT ACTUALLY SUCCEEDS IN THE RING, only time will tell. Juen Lee is noticeably absent this week. The show just isn’t quite the same without him prancing around dressed like a hooker. The Inner Sextum will have to pick up the hooker slack this week. There are quotas to meet. Jogi and crew are out next. Jimmy is sans Billies this week. I smell shenanigans afoot. The Lot rush out to attack their opponents on the rampway. But obviously there was some miscommunication on the team, or Duchess is just going to be fashionably late to the brawl. Numbers quickly overwhelm the Lot and they get dumped back into the ring to start the match proper.
Jimmy Donovan is all over poor Mac, even choking the poor hooligan with his bolo tie. Jock and Jogi take their turns as well, culminating in a beautiful Hart attack variation ending in a spinning heel kick from Jock. Nate breaks up the pinfall, as Duchess examines her cuticles. The Lot turns the tables through their usual repertoire of blatant cheating. In this case an eye poke, some biting, and a pulled down top rope, sends Jogi out to ringside, where Nate hot shots him onto the railing, before being chased off by Jogi’s tag partners. Duchess takes the opportunity to jump Jimmy from behind and send him head first into the stairs. Ouch.
Mac rolls Jogi back into the ring and starts running through his oeuvre of stomps, kicks and elbow drops. In comes Nate and they start working over Jogi’s arm. Nate grabs a Fujiwara, as Mac drops a knee on the exposed shoulder before being ushered out of the ring. Nate pulls out the funky British carny submission #946 or something, wrapping Jogi’s arm in the ropes while scissoring the arm and hanging upside down on the ring apron. Funky. Jock dropkicks him off the apron and the melee resumes. The ref tries to force Jock back to his corner, allowing Duchess and Mac to double team Jogi in the corner with the choking. Duchess fakes a tag behind the ref’s back and goes right back to work on Jogi’s arm with a short keylock. So much for the Prime Time Player reunion. Jogi powers out and dumps Duchess to the mat. Can’t quite make the tag, though, as Nate cuts him off and drags him back into the unfriendly corner. Jogi almost ends the match right there with a small package out of nowhere, but Nate barely escapes and slaps on a cross armbreaker. Jogi locks his arms to block, but Duchess casually kicks the Fresh one’s arms apart. Jogi is in trouble, but Donovan makes the save before the Fresh one can tap. The ref escorts Jimmy out, and the Lot uses the distraction for another double team, but Jogi ducks an axe handle off the top from Mac and the Lot members crash into each other.
HOT TAG JOCK! Jock cleans house dumping Mac over the ropes with a clothesline, and spearing Nate through the ropes. Duchess tries for a bulldog, but Jock catches her and delivers a backbreaker. That gets two. Jock looks for the Pimp Smack, but Duchess twists free and escapes, catching Jock with a standing rana roll-up, but Jimmy breaks it up. Duchess rises and gets dropped with MORE COWBELL. Jimmy covers. NO! Mac breaks it up. Jimmy is pissed! Right hand Jimmy! Right hand Mac! Right hand Jimmy! Eye poke Mac! Ooh. Kick to the jimmies! JIMMY DOWN! And it’s SHEFFIELD STOMP TIME! Half the crowd is chanting along, I guess Canadians like their footy. A British MBE fan e-mailed me the chant this week. It goes something like this…
“Oh Sheffield
Oh sheffield
Is wonderful
Is wonderful
Oh Sheffield is wonderful
Full of tits fanny and Wednesday
Oh Sheffield is wonderful”
So now you know.
That gets two, as Jogi is in, to break it up. He immediately drops Mac with a combo, but ends up clutching his right arm and gets caught with a hanging armbar from Nate. Mac gets ushered from the ring by the ref, as GODZILLA makes his triumphant return to Canada. Or some guy dressed in a Godzilla costume. Or else Godzilla is about 6’2” now. Nate drops the hold and waves Godzilla off. But Godzilla takes umbrage to this and snaps Nate throat first over the tope rope. Jogi grabs a schoolboy and a diving Mac is a second too late to save his partner.
WINNER: JOGI/JOCK/JIMMY (13:30 Jogi->Nate- Schoolboy Roll-up)
Fun match, with a wild ending. Two guesses on who was in the Godzilla suit. Wonder how bad Jogi’s arm is, and if it will be a factor next week in the Title Tourney semifinals. Lot/Duchess were pretty tenacious in going after it.
QH2
Doc and company are having a powwow outside the arena. Greenie is covered in soot and suggests that trying to slip in through the maintenance pipe is probably a bad idea. Doc says he wants to know every entrance into the building, and he’ll be damned if Red is gonna beat him to the ring. Red says Dority may have softened Red up, but he’s not taking any chances. Dority said he wasn’t responsible at all. Doc gets pissed and asks if he gave Dority that bonus for nothing. Dority just thought he was doing good work lately. Doc says, sure compared to Greenie, but that doesn’t make him competent. Doc whips out the building plan for the arena, and says to put ladders here, here and here, and start building a ditch here. Doc is truly the cerebral assassin.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Back to live TV, and we are in the Office de Yori. Yori has apparently made a brief stopover from battling Monkey Hitler and sleeping with Catherine the Great (don't ask) to help Justin prepare for his match with Andy. And seeing as it is a First Blood match, logically they need to grease up Justin’s entire naked body with Vaseline to keep him from getting cut. Of course. There is a comically large (I hope) black bar over Justin’s junk, but good lord that in no way makes the scene any less disturbing. Meanwhile, The Hobo and a Thai Hooker play tetherball in the background. ROBOYORI bursts in. Literally. He comes through the wall. Hmm, no wonder MBE has yet to turn a profit yet. All these incidental expenses, like towing the Yugo from show to show and replacing arena walls, really add up after a while. The YORobot is very excited for tonight’s dance contest. Smitty explains for the last time that the Robot has to wrestle not dance.
“DANCE CONTEST?”
“ROBOYORI wrestle.”
“ROBOYORI DANCE?”
“Wrestle”
“DANCE?”
“Who’s on First” it ain’t.
Yamada peers through the giant hole in the wall that connects the two offices. Yori says he’ll write a check as soon as he is finished greasing up Justin. Yamada says that his daughter is coming by next week. Yori shrieks in horror at the prospect of a visit from his ex-wife, but Yamada says that it’s his youngest daughter.
“Oh….HOT!”
Yamada is not amused. And he insists everyone have his or her pants on next week, even the freaking robot. Justin says Yamada doesn’t know what he is missing. He has the team do this once a week, whether he is wrestling a First Blood match or not. That’s. Just. Great.
Thankfully we head abruptly to a PPV promo for Total Elimination. We get the short form on the amusingly endless Lot/Billies feud. Ah, the memories.
Speaking of the Billies, they are relaxing in their locker room with Jimmy when the Lot bursts in. They accuse the Billies of shenanigans! More specifically of tieing up Juen Lee in their locker room and stealing his Godzilla Halloween costume and costing The Lot their match. The Billies calmly ask The Lot to prove it if they can. The Lot says they don’t need any proof; they’ll beat the truth out of them right now. Jake deftly reminds the Lot that if they do that, they’ll lose their title shot at Total Elimination. The Lot stews on this for a bit, before calling them wankers and toadies and stomping off in anger. Touché, indeed.
The Web Browser is Walking!
ROBOYORI IS DANCING!
Browser/YORobot is next. ONLY ON WNW!
COMMERCIAL BREAK
QH3
Down to the ring and The Web Browser is on his way. I suppose it is refreshing to see a man completely unconcerned with the muscle fetishism that pervaded pro wrestling. Or, you know, owning actual ring gear, or shaving. Of course, I still will bet on the Help Desk supervisor over the dancing robot. Every time.
Speaking of the YORobot. He arrives with all the splendor and fanfare due a giant sex robot. They put him in his Halloween costume too, I hope. Or else he goes around dressed like Elvis all the time. Not really fat Elvis or skinny Elvis. More like Giant Robot Elvis. I think I say that movie on USA Up All Night once. The robot does have the hip-shaking down, though.
The Web Browser tries to lock up with ROBOYORI but gets knocked to the ground by the robot’s gyrations. Smitty tries to convince ROBOYORI to wrestle, but the robot gets confused and thinks the Web Browser is his dance partner. The world’s most awkward salsa dance starts, with the Web Browser unable to escape the crushing grip of the YORobot. The robot dips Browser to the mat and gets a two count, but pulls him up before the pin, much to Smitty’s chagrin. The Browser finally escapes through a very nice pas de deux and dropkicks the Robot. The Robot thinks that is part of the dancing, but his dropkick is slightly less successful and he ends up prone on his back. ROBOYORI DOWN. He tries to hip thrust his way back to his feet, but obviously needs another software upgrade, as a confused and slightly dizzy Browser makes the pin.
WINNER: THE WEB BROWSER (2:27- Failed ROBOT Dropkick)
Certainly, that was everything I could have hoped for.
The Thai Hookers arrive with a handtruck to cart the YORobot Elvis off to the back. Sorry Ottawa, there will be no encore.
Yamada is here with the next induction into the MBE Hall of Fame. Joining the Force of Nature and Suptool is the Great BOBBYR. Big pop for that. Makes sense too, you can’t have the Force of Nature without Bobby. Plus you get the inevitable Bobby/Spoils showdown. Assuming they can meet Spoiler’s asking price. At last report negotiations were not going well.
A nice video package highlighting Bobby’s career airs. Man, it’s weird to think a lot of this stuff is seven years old, makes me feel positively ancient. I remember watching that Doc/Bobby/Spoiler three way my last year in college on crappy fancam. Still a great match, though.
Senior Referee Lance Thunder is outside the arena, explaining the rules to Doc and Red. I like the idea of MBE trying to com up with a signature match, and the concept is ludicrous and violent enough that it fits well in the fed’s rich history of crazy-ass convoluted gimmick matches. Lance starts the match. Doc pokes Red in the eye and makes a beeline for the main foyer. Well, credit for sticking to his plan, at least. He gets to the doors, but finds them all locked. Red says he called in a little favor, and Doc will have to find another way into the building. From inside, Duchess peers out around a corner, and gives a little wave to Doc. Doc turns to meet his face, and eats a left cross right to the mush. Red is on top of Doc in the mount and starts raining down shots as Doc tries to cover up. Nope, nevermind, Doc has conveniently hidden a baseball bat in the bushes by the doors and wacks Red with it. Clever, that Doc.
Doc slams the bat across Red’s injured ribs and then smashes in the glass around the door. I hope MBE has good insurance. He tries to clear out enough space to slip through, but Red is on him in a flash and slams his head through the remnants of the glass door, and now we see why Doc was not in the first blood match. Red tosses Doc down the steps of the arena and out onto the sidewalk. He finds a nearby magazine kiosk, puts in his fifty cents for the Ottawa Daily News and then slams Doc’s head into the kiosk and shuts the door across his face, repeatedly. Red does have a certain flair in these kind of matches. He sets Doc for a suplex on the concrete, but Doc manages to block and trip Red down to the ground. He drops a knee across Red’s throat. Okay, that was suitably crazy. He throws Red up against the steps and starts with the choking.
After a few seconds Doc makes a beeline around the side of the building, where he finds a ladder helpfully propped up against an open window. He makes it about halfway up before Red comes charging at him and pulls Doc down from the ladder. He slams Doc head first into the ladder, and then back first into a nearby oak tree, where the Midwestern mafioso peppers Doc’s body with jabs. Doc fights back with an eye rake, but Red responds in kind and then Northern Light Suplexes Doc into the ladder. Red climbs the ladder himself, and looks for a Cold Shot, but Doc blocks it and delivers an Ace’s Full Stunner, knocking the wind right out of Red’s sails. To commercial we go.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
QH4
Back to the action and Doc has Red pinned under the ladder outside the building and is stomping on it. Red is bleeding as well now, and a replay helpfully fills us in as Doc rakes Red’s head up and down the tree bark. Doc suplexes Red on the cold unforgiving earth, and heads up the ladder again. Red gets a hold of Doc’s boot, but Greenie appears in the window and helpfully pulls Doc through and into the arena. Red has no choice but to follow.
Red is in a dark storeroom and can’t seem to find Doc or Greenie. He finally finds a light, and turns it on, only to see the visage of Dan Dority standing in front of him. Whoops. Dority tosses Red right into a stacked row of folding chairs. He picks a chair off the rack, but Red dodges the chair shot and kicks Dority in the nuts. He grabs the lightbulb out of the light and smashes it into Dority’s head. Just sick. Red makes it to the door, but gets it slammed on his chest by Doc who pulls Red into the hallway and slams him against the far wall. Referee Lance Thunder finally rejoins the action, after having found a way into the arena, and apparently stopping for a pretzel. Not much work for him to do at the moment anyway.
Doc finds some electrical wire nearby and wraps it around Red’s throat while slamming his head in the door. This is actually pretty disturbing to watch. Doc drags Red up into the second level of the arena and tries to toss him down the steps as the crowd moves to gather around them. Red blocks it, and elbows Doc a few times to free himself. He catches Doc with an inverted atomic drop and then knocks him down with a clothesline. He pulls Doc to his feet and drives him into the popcorn machine adjacent to the arena entrance. Ouch. Doc is on Dream Street…and covered in hot buttery popcorn. Red follows that up with a piledriver on the concrete. He starts to drag the corpse of Doc down the steps to ringside, not paying too much mind to what condition Doc gets there in. After cracking off the fourth or fifth consecutive step, Doc jolts back to consciousness and trips Red’s leg, sending him tumbling down the last few steps into the first level of the arena. Doc grabs a chair and cracks it off Red’s back, and he has the former extreme champ trapped up against the railing, so there is no give. He chokes Red across the railing and then tosses him over the railing straight down to the floor. Red crashes into a pile of chairs and people, as security tries to get a handle on the situation and we go to another commercial.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
QH5
Back to action again, and Red and Doc still haven’t made it to the ring. Doc has Red alongside the rampway and is choking him with a chair. Red has absolutely been beaten to hell in this match. The crowd tries to rally him as Doc sets Red for a DDT on the ramp. Red finds the intestinal fortitude to counter, twisting out and catching Doc with a neckbreaker. Red tries to drag Doc into the ring, but eats a low blow right before he drags him through the ropes.
Doc follows with a suplex on the ramp and finally gets Red into the ring. He covers, but ONLY GETS TWO! Red is quite the son of a *****. Doc sets Red for the River, but Red escapes and hits a desperation enzuigiri. Doc is rocked, and drops to one knee. Red follows with a shot to the crotch and Doc doubles over. Red asks the audience for a chair, and piles of chairs are tossed into the ring before security regains control. Red picks a nice looking one out and cracks Doc with it, splattering blood all over a ringside camera. Red covers, but Doc is out at two! Red sets up two chairs adjacent to each other in the corner and drags Doc up onto the top turnbuckle. He looks for THE WHIPPING POST, but Doc wraps his arm around the ropes to block it. Red slams forearms and elbows into Doc’s back, but Silver won’t let go of that rope. He pulls Silver’s head up and fires some more shots off, but Silver just responds in kind. The shots to the ribs finally overwhelm Red and Doc hops up onto the top turnbuckle and DDTS RED OFF THE TOP ROPE THROUGH THE CHAIRS! Crap. Doc takes seemingly forever to make the pinfall and RED GETS HIS SHOULDER UP.
Doc is incensed and just starts going ape **** on Red with a chair. He makes a huge pile of chairs in the corner and German Suplexes Red onto them, just an uncomfortable looking landing in every possible way. He drags Red into the center of the ring. NO! Red is out at two again. Doc has had absolutely enough and pulls Red up to the top, where he looks to finish things with a Top Rope River. Red tries to elbow his way free, he wraps his legs around the turnbuckle, anything to keep him in one piece. Doc almost has his arms wrapped around Red’s head, when the former extreme champ just fires off about ten successive back headbutts. Just sickening, full on, cranium on cranium shots. They take their toll on both men. Doc drops to the mat and Red slumps over the turnbuckle post.
Doc is back up, he climbs after Red, but Red is waiting and grabs Doc and DIVES TO THE OUTSIDE with a Diamond Cutter through the announce table. HOLY ****! Red manages to drape an arm over Doc, but he seems to have forgotten the rules of the match, or had them concussed out of him. Take your pick. Red slowly drags Doc up onto the ring apron and rolls him into the ring. He doesn’t go for the cover, instead sets Doc for the BAD COMPANY. BUT DOC BITES DOWN ON RED’S FOREARM. Well, he will do anything to win. Red loosens the grip on the hold and Doc adds a groin shot. Ace’s Full! Both men are down. Doc spits some blood out of his mouth, anyone’s guess on if it’s Red’s or his own. Doc sloughs to his feet. Another Ace’s Full! That only gets two! THE RIVER! THE RIVER! That has to be it. And mercifully it is. What an unrepentant bloodbath. Doc eeks his way into the finals.
WINNER: DOC SILVER (32:06- The River)
Crazy, but methodically paced brawl. This is the kind of match that plays right into these guys’ hands. I don’t know if it will end up on any MOTY lists but it had solid psych and big spots. Not to mention that it had me cringing and grabbing the cushions on my sofa about ten times.
Doc manages to make it to the back (with a little help from Greenie and Dority carrying him). The EMTs come down to take a look at Red, but he waves them off and limps to the back under his own power. Looks like Doc is gonna be about 10Gs richer. Don’t bet it all in one place, Doc.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
QH6
Back from commercial with the Fresh One and crew. Biff asks Jogi for some thoughts on meeting Doc Silver next week for a shot at the Big Gold Belt. Jogi says Doc has been wrestling with a purpose. He’s also a lowdown bastard that will do anything to win the title. Jogi can respect that, but he’s not afraid to fight dirty, either. No one expected him to get this far when MBE reopened, and no one expects him to win the title now, probably. He’s been proving the doubters wrong since he stepped foot back in an MBE ring, and he is more than ready to lead this promotion back into the promised land, and follow in the footsteps of MBE champs like Maggot, PILE, and The Spoiler. Biff asks him how his arm is feeling. Jogi stares some daggers into Biff before smiling, and answering it will feel just find after he shoves it down Biff’s throat for asking too many questions. He and the entourage stalk off, though Jock pause to add a “Yeah, listen to my boy” before leaving.
Down to ringside for a pair of debuts, as Larry the Luddite takes on Cool Frank Cutta. Frank gives us some freestylin’ and profilin’ as he heads down to ringside, and as wrestling rappers go, he’s quite all right. I suppose that might be construed as damning with faint praise, though. Larry the Luddite is on his way now, as the British invasion of MBE continues. He had his daughter in tow, who looks oddly like that girl who gets in a fight with her boyfriend at the club every Friday after a few too many shots of Goldschlager.
CFC takes control of the match early, riding a hammerlock to the mat and driving some knees into the back of Larry. He turns that into a modified camel clutch, and Larry scrambles to the ropes for a break. Larry turn to go on offense now, as he slips out of an armbar and starts laying in some kicks to the small of Frank’s back. A leg kick knocks Frank to the ground and Larry follows with a big senton, as Larry’s daughter screams at ringside. Quite a set of pipes on the lass. CFC blocks a punch and takes Larry down with an amateur wrestling slam. CFC slaps on a half crab and works over Larry’s back. The Luddite makes it to the ropes to force a break, though. Larry gets knocked to the mat with a spin kick, but CFC heads up top a bit too early, and gets tossed from the top turnbuckle to the mat.
Larry commences the stomping and kicks. Hmm, perhaps in hindsight matching up two men with little technical wrestling ability was a bad idea. Larry pulls on CFC’s neck at a weird angle. I suppose that is almost a wrestling move. CFC powers out, but gets slammed back down again. I guess there is some credence to that whole freakish strength thing on the Luddite. CFC tries a different tact and slips out of the hold. He hits the ropes, but gets tripped up by Bitty, he turns to take a swipe at her and she swings her garish purse at him. The ref tries to separate the two, but Larry comes out of nowhere and clocks CFC with the EMP. And that is that.
WINNER: LARRY THE LUDDITE (4:51- EMP)
Short and to the point. Tough to gauge either man completely. I’ll have to see them in longer matches. Both have interesting gimmicks, though, and have a reputation as good talkers, so we will see where this goes. The roster may not be big enough yet, but I am thinking with all the brawlers and hardcore addicts, MBE may need to bring back the extreme division sooner, rather than later.
Justin is (greased up and) walking!
QH7
Biff tries to get a word in with Andy on his way to the ring, but the Gilkinator is focused and ready and doesn’t have time for interviews. He is after one thing and one thing only, the Big Gold Belt. It’s eluded him for seven years, and tonight he takes one more step towards finally achieving it. Hmm, that was almost an interview.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
It’s time for our main event and our second elimination match of the evening. Andy has to be the odds-on favorite, but Justin has surprised a lot of people since his return to MBE. Plus, he has the giant sex robot and Hobo Jesus in his corner. Canada loves Justin, but of course they also love the Trailer Park Boys, so there is no accounting for taste, I guess. Andy is out to a thunderous ovation. One MBE stalwart got knocked out tonight; can Andy keep the old guard from going 0-2?
Match starts off in the ring, with the two cautiously locking up. Andy powers Justin to the corner and the Gilkinator wastes no time going to work, whipping Justin across the ring into the far turnbuckle and following with a clothesline/bulldog combo, but he slips right off on the bulldog and lands on his ass. STRATEGERY! Justin hits a dropkick out of the corner and knocks Andy from the ring. He starts to head out for a dive, but Andy ducks around the ring post and Justin has to swing himself back into the ring. He poses and adds some hip thrusting for the ladies.
Back in the ring, Justin works an armbar. Andy tries to body slam Justin, but finds it akin to body slamming a greased up hog and Justin easily slips out. Andy changes tactics and just punches Justin right in the face. A second time and Justin goes down. Andy stomps Justin, forcing the True Face to roll out of the ring this time. Andy tries to follow with a pescado, but the YORobot Elvis shoves Justin out of the way and catches Andy. Then he does a dance, before ramming Andy into the ring post. The ref has had enough and sends Hobo and Robot to the back. Robot Elvis is not happy. He distracts the ref with his ROBOT DANCE OF DISTRACTION, allowing Hobo Jesus to lay the boots into Andy, while Justin grabs a fire extinguisher from under the ring. He drives it into Andy’s ribs as the ref finally just shoves ROBOYORI off the apron and onto his back. And back come the Thai Hookers with the handtruck. I hope they are getting overtime. Justin tries to crack Andy in the head with the extinguisher, but the Gilkinator ducks and kicks it back in Justin’s face. Looks like the Vaseline is doing the trick so far, though. Andy tosses Justin head first into the barricades, and then dropkicks his prone body. Andy is really bringing the goods tonight.
He tries to hotshot Justin across the barricade, but the Rated ‘R’ Pop Star slips out and backdrop suplexes Andy on the mats. Back under the apron and he returns with his old trademark kendo stick. He cracks Andy across the back, neck and then the face(!) but no blood is drawn. Sick shots, though. Kendo stick aided neckbreaker lays Andy out and Justin heads up top. No doubt to do something stupid. He tries to bust out the Flying Tornado DDT again, but Andy has it scouted and twists Justin around, before dropping him across the barricade with a spinebuster. Justin’s back is spasmatic as Andy takes a moment to recover. I will be shocked if Justin is walking under his own power at 40. Rolling suplexes on the floor. See above. Andy starts working over Justin’s head with some short punches, but the Vaseline is annoying the crap out of him and he finally just turns the fire extinguisher on Justin’s face. I don’t know if that will actually help, but whatever. Perhaps Andy has some chemistry background I am unaware of, because the punches seem to be landing solidly now. Andy whips Justin into the far barricade and grabs a chair from ringside. He tosses it at Justin’s head, but the True Face catches it and tosses back at Andy who catches it. SKEETBOARD! Andy is down. No blood still, and we’ll be right back.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
QH8
Back and Justin is raking Andy’s face against the rampway, as Andy tries to cover up and protect himself. Justin locks on the Champagne room, probably to try and wear Andy down further. He is having trouble applying it, though and Andy slips behind him. HYOOOOOGE German on the ramp. Justin is having his head-spiking ways turned against him this evening. Andy goes for another German, but Justin grabs the ring ropes for support. UNFOUUUUUUULLLLL. Ah, the good old mule kick to the jimmies. Justin snaps off a DDT and Andy is in trouble. Justin is looking for the VMA OFF THE RAMP, nope, Andy escapes. GILKIMISSION!
Justin is quickly losing consciousness. This does not bode well for the True Face of MBE’s title aspirations. Andy adds the body scissors and Justin drifts off. Andy grabs the kendo stick from outside the ring and snaps a piece off. He’s looking to carve Justin up. That shocks Justin into consciousness and he fights tooth and nail to keep the wood from cutting him. He gets an arm free and starts tearing at Andy’s face and ear, and that finally gets him free. He adds another kick to the junk for good measure, but an incensed Andy catches his blind charge and hotshots him on the ring ropes. Gilkination DDT into the CROWD! Insane! Andy starts piling Justin under the furniture again, as he looks to finish things just like last week. He hops back up onto the ramp and signals for the frog splash.
BUT HERE’S PROMO! He tackles Andy on the ramp and starts laying into the worn down Gilkinator. What a bastard. He hits his own version of the Kata Hajime, the FADEOUT, and Andy is gently lulled to sleep. Meanwhile, Justin has recovered enough and climbs onto the ramp with a chair in hand. Promo drops the dazed Gilkie and heads to the back, wishing Justin some good luck. Justin doesn’t seem super happy about this turn of events, but he cracks Andy with the chair anyway. Gilkison tries to get to his feet, but Justin keeps setting him down with chair shots as the crowd boos. Justin hesitates a second too long on the final chair shot and Andy goes downstairs. He hoists Justin ANDYBO…..No! Andy doesn’t have the strength left and the two competitors collapse in a heap on the ramp. Justin has the chair again. AFTER PARTY ON THE CHAIR! Andy is out! Justin has the kendo piece. He is carving up Andy. There it is. Andy is bleeding. Justin is onto the semifinals with an assist from that damn Promo.
WINNER: JUSTIN EVITABLE (15:29)
Promo comes out for a victory celebration and tosses Justin off the ramp, into the crowd. He stands over the bleeding Andy and carves him up some more, just for jollies. He sets Andy for a PromoPlex off the ramp, but heeeeeere’s IRISHRED, he takes umbrage to Promo’s assault and the two are going at it. Red looks like the freaking mummy with all the bandages he is wrapped in, right now. Promo gets the advantage, but an enraged and conscious Andy helps turn the tide, as the roving band of refs comes to try and separate the three brawlers.
Till tells us that it’s Jogi v. Doc and Justin v. Duchess next week for a spot in the finals and a shot at the Big Gold Belt next week live from the arena, and fade to black we go.
FINAL THOUGHTS
A lot more wrestling on this week’s show. The big top of the hour brawl was really good, and I like the gimmick, but they probably could have cut some time off it and given it to the main event or the debuts’ match. Two long hardcore matches may have been overkill, too, though both were quite good. I don’t love the ending with Promo, but word has it this is put up or shut up time for the Underground Icon, so we’ll see how he can do against Andy. He still has a ton of heel heat, though. Doesn’t super help Justin, but he has a built in grudge match with Duchess, which should be loads of fun. And hey, if he makes it to the finals, no one will remember how he got there.
Lots of little pieces this week which seem to be adding up to something big, can’t quite put my finger on it yet, but if the rumors for Total Elimination are true, it will be an absolutely can’t miss show on several fronts. Next week at the arena is key, since they are basically hyping a PPV where they don’t know the main event match. But on their home turf you know they will pull out all the stops.
REWIND AWARDS for 11/8
MOTN: Justin Evitable v. Andy Gilkison
SOTN: Red’s Diamond Cutter through the announce table
LOTN: “Ladies and Gentlemen, Robot Elvis has left the building