To Sir(s) With Love

[DizzaHizza]

** Fade In: NFW World Champion, Kin Hiroshi, sits in front of an NFW backdrop as the camera crew makes final preperations for his promo. **

KIN HIROSHI: "So this thing on or what?"

* Hiroshi looks past the camera at the attending crew. He puts out his cigarette, and shifts the NFW World Championship a little higher onto his shoulder. Giving it a quick wipe, he makes sure that there is nothing tarnishing the moment. *

KIN HIROSHI: "Okay, we ready?"

* The Muffin Man clears his throat. *

KIN HIROSHI: "Gentlemen, and ladies, of NFW, we are fast approaching the dawning of a new epoch of the New Frontier Wrestling history, a new chapter in the epic tale of our company, and a new vision from our fearless leader. Yet, as we move forward into the future, reflect on the past, and move transdimensionally through the marvels of scientific advancements in quantam physics, I stand before you as YOUR champion.

"Moreso, I stand before you as your DEFENDING World Champion. Not only did I defeat Felix Red for this belt, but I also upset Jason Payne and Mittens T. Cat the next night during my first title defense. After the hellacious two-night struggle the catapulted my face onto every Wheaties box, and my d**k into every woman who knocks on my door, I simply needed some rest and relaxation to reflect on Season 2.

"Doing so allowed me to discuss with my agent, Michael LeQuan "Flash" Dove, what my agenda as your champion should be, and I have come up with a plan of action that will be more well recieved than keeping YOUR troops in Iraq. In fact, with a little help from one of the newest additions to the NFW tag-team roster, The NEW V.D., I should be able to maintain sanity and control in this company.

"Lord knows we need sanity here more than ever, what with giant dildo-bots, wrestling felines, and insane plumbers hellbent on destruction! I say, "NO MORE, NFW!" I say, "We take a stand now!" It's time to do away with the filth and the trash that the brass in the back seems to want to sign up as fast as possible, but what is really needed is a complete overhaul in the pecking order around here.

"So far, Joe The Plumber has already called me out for my championship, and I politely declined. In my eyes, Joe the S**t Shoveler doesn't compare to me, and shouldn't even be allowed to THINK about this title. Like I said a few days ago I will decide who gets the title shots, not some half-assed list of "competitors" placed in my PERSONAL lockerroom every week. Right now, I see four men who deserve shots at this title. Three of them were on the aforementioned list of names, and one of them wasn't even listed.

"First off is Nova, a man who needs no introduction and garners respect wherever he wrestles. Only, I'm not granting him a title shot yet. Why? Because he walked out of Wrestlebowl 2 Night 2 as the Ultratitle Champion, which means the two of us will be going toe-to-toe soon enough.

"Second is Jason Payne. Jason seemed to lose his step with me and Mittens on Night 2, but every loser deserves a shot at redemption, even if he has no choice but to be a martyr for the cause.

"Third is a...gentleman? Well, he was left off of my little scrap of paper all together: Mittens T. Cat. I don't understand why he was left of the list of contenders for the hottest title in professional wrestling, but he was. Mr. Cat pushed me to the breaking point, that only a few have pushed me to before, and Mittens would have walked away with the NFW World Championship if it wasn't for the fourth man worthy to challenge me for this title right now.

"Felix Red. The man who served as my personal savior and eternal executioner. The man who THOUGHT he killed me, but his will acted out against his ego and brought me back to life. Felix, I don't know HOW you walked out with Hatter during Night 2, but during the Ultratitle Championship I followed you out to find THE answer:

"Why? You drugged me worse than I could dope up myself. You broke my ribs. You punctured my lung. You killed me. Yet, something made you walk out on Night 2, slide into the ring with Cpt. America's shield and destroyed Mittens' face. Why did you save me, Felix? Why did you save me, for a second time? I swear to GOD, you should have let me die, because I will never be buried into the earth, or the mid-card, until I have EVERYTHING from you!"

* Hiroshi wipes his forehead, and gains a bit of his composure back. *

KIN HIROSHI: "Now, as for my plan of action as how the NFW World Championship will be treated, I would very much like to make that announcement right now, but, alas, I must wait. How about this: anyone on the list of competitors for my title should make their way to the ring at the inaugural Crash TV for the rebirth of NFW. At that time, I, as your honorable and benevolent World Champion, will make my anticipated announcement, and inform the world who the FIRST challenger for the NFW World Championship will be.

"Gentlemen, and ladies, thank you for your time, and I appreciate your prompt arrival to the ring before the Main Event at Crash TV."

** FADE TO MAUVE **

 

[NotorisSTD]

(CUTTO: Felix, once again sitting on the floor, hands folded, gazing up at the camera, wearing a “You Say Party, We Say Die!” T-shirt and Dickies…)

FELIX RED: You’re welcome, by the way….

It’s often best not to ask why, Kin. It is better to address the situation at hand for what it is, and not obsessively ponder its origins…

In the end, there is no reason why. In the end, nothing makes sense.

But as long as we’re waxing hypothetical, it might be interesting to some that right now, you’re only champion because I want you to be. Leading me to wonder if perhaps this is the way it has always been. Perhaps, subconsciously, part of me didn’t want the pressure and attention of being champion, or part of me felt guilty over…y’know, all the bad stuff, and wanted to lose to you to serve some internalized sense of misguided justice.

And what this could mean, is I can take the world title back anytime I feel like, and you’ll be helpless to stop me.

See, Kin? This is not information you need to be hearing right now, or possibilities you want to be concerning yourself with. You needn’t have asked “Why?” to begin with.

Or maybe I just don’t owe you a f(bleep)king explanation.

How do you propose to take my everything when my everything’s already gone? If you intend to kill me, frankly, I’m not even sure if I can be killed…Not even death can save me now.

Although I can still, once again, save you. Which makes me Christ-like, and here we go again with the judo-Christian imagery…of course, Jesus and L.Ron Hubbard and the like need their followers to validate their saint-hood, and you need me to validate your existence. But I never needed you, and I still don’t.

That’s why I’ll be champion again.

(FTB)

 

[DizzaHizza]

KIN HIROSHI: "Wait a minute there, Felix. You never needed me and still don't? Let me answer this, completely hypothetically of course, assuming that you have to fight me for my championship. See, you already NEED me to become champion again. I'm not dropping this belt to anyone.

Nova? Hits hard.

Lindsay Troy? I wouldn't LET her have another belt around her waist to feed her ego.

Joe the Plumber? Puh-leeeease.

Felix, you need me NOW more than ever. You need to start asking your magic 8-Ball more "yes/no" questions so that you can get the answers you deserve Felix. You don't need to ask me how I propose to take everything from you, since you seem so adamant that everything is already gone. What have you really lost, Felix?

Power? Ryoko? The Championship? These are all things that are easy enough to reclaim, or in Ryoko's case, just easy. You have SO much more for me to destroy, Felix: your reputation, the respect you garner, your fanbase, Hatter, and your body. Ya' know, just to name a few things. Ultimately, I guess the joke's on you Felix, because as long as I'm the World Champion, you'll be lucky to get me to sign a contract that puts us in opposite corners of the ring.

I'm not asking for any validation of my career Felix, because I beat you for this title because I drove myself to beat you and not because you let me beat you. The only person looking for validation of their career right now is you. You need to beat me to prove to yourself that you are the best wrestler in the world.

But you're not anymore, Felix. Kin Hiroshi is, and that's something that's not hypothetical at all.