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TWW: Portland, Maine House Show

DWoods

League Member
Joined
Jan 1, 2000
Messages
211
Points
16
Location
Mexico
TWW got a call late Saturday night, informing them that a sports bar, called Binga's Winga's, was having a slow night and that if they were interested, there was some space to setup a ring. TWW pulled together a few of its "stars" and drove over in a van… on the way there the van died, and the wrestlers were exhausted from pushing it the rest of the way, which drastically hurt the quality of the show.

The ring canvas was patched with duck tape and there was no apron to speak of. The crowd of 25 uninterested people were busy stuffing themselves with wings and beer.

THE JUDGEMENT CALLER vs. "THE STICK-UP KID" JON DAVIES
A scrawny kid with a mullet – "the Stick-Up Kid" Jon Davies, a local with three weeks of wrestling training under his belt – strutted out from the back (AKA the kitchen), aiming a "hand"gun (emphasis on hand) at members of the audience on his way to the ring. Next up was The Judgement Caller, an out-of-shape 300+ pounder in generic black leather pants. He carried with him an 80s-style cell phone, snarling at the crowd as he announced "IT'S FOR YOUUUU". The match lasted only a minute or two. The Judgement Caller muscled "the Stick-Up Kid" into the corner and WHALLOPED him with an open-handed slap to the chest. An Irish whip into the ropes and a nasty big boot later, the Judgement Caller had him into position for his finish: JUDGMENT CALLS LATE – a Gorilla Press dropped into a a headbutt to Davie's sternum. The mysterious Judgement Caller covered for the three.

WINNER: The Judgement Caller

MIKE THE PLANT vs. ??????
A "fan" came from the crowd (this guy named Mike who works on the ring crew occasionally) to challenge ANYONE on TWW's roster to a "mercy fight"… Big Daddy accepted, and had the fan on his knees crying uncle two seconds after they laced fingers. The ref called for the bell and proclaimed Big Daddy the victor.

WINNER: Big Daddy

10-MINUTE IRON MAN MATCH
"TRAGIC" TERRY AUCOIN vs. "ICEMAN" KEVIN KEARNS
The main event of the night was a special 10-minute Iron Man match. The crowd, not knowing the rules of an Iron Man match, were confused when Terry was submitted via "Deep Freeze" sleeper at the six-minute mark, only to be successfully pinned two times after the fact when he failed to wake up. The match came to a premature end, and a cab was called to take Terry to the hospital. Terry would awaken not even a half block from Binga's Winga's with his wallet and shoes stolen. He would hitchhike back to his apartment building. TWW's first-ever 10-minute Iron Man match lasted only seven minutes…

WINNER: "Iceman" Kevin Kearns

HARDBODY'S SPECIAL SOMEONE
To close out the show (and completely kill the market for TWW), "The Anime Adonis" Hardbody cut a promo in the ring, infuriating the crowd with his homoerotic mannerisms. We'll save you reading the entire transcript; here's a snippet (you'll get the jist of it):

HARDBODY: "Hardbody wants to challenge that sex-puppet Terrence to a match held in a kiddie pool filled with oooiiiillll! Doesn't thhhat sound HOT? Coomeee onnn nowwww! Give Hardbody a hard... you know... give 'em whhhat he wantsss! Give him the gift of an oiled-up, slippery Terrence! Don't matter hooowwwww shhh-(long slurping noise)-llllipperrrry you get, you won't escape Hardbody's widdle claspers! Once he's gets a hhhold of you, you're road-runnin', free-wheelin' days are ooovvaaaa! Time to settle down and start a fam-ill-eeeee! Kiss kiss, love love!"

Hardbody would be chased from Binga's Winga's, out into the parking lot, where he would jump on a hot-pink Vespa and speed away.

The show involved a lot of stalling between matches in order to allow for the restaurant owner to stand in the ring and announce the following week's charity darts tournament, as well as Binga's Winga's 19-cent wing special. ... Terrence was not in attendance.
 

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