~~~The PA system punches out "All these Things that I have done" by the Killers at (2:32) into the song and Kansas Dark steps out onto the stage, throws his arms in the air to a mixed response, and then proceeds to the ring with a small purple sack.
:Jim: *Starts awake.*
:Bertram: Good morning sunshine.
~~~Instead of getting in however, he walks around the ring, and over to the announce table. more specifically Jim Coors Beer cooler. He helps himself as Coors just stares confusedly.
:Jim: HEY...That's That's my beer...
~~~Kansas mouths back "Yous owe me sum!", chugs the beer and tosses the bottle at Bertram. He grabs a mic and and another beer before he sets a bottle beneath the ring. Kansas then rolls into the ring, and smiles at the crowd.
:Bertram: He can't do that, this is a hundred dollar suit.
:Peter: You can tell.
:Kansas:
Furz of all ya'll prolly wonderin whu i am! Right? Well let me tell ya whu i am. Right afer dis beer.
~~~Kansas opens the beer and drinks it quickly. His speech seems to improve slighty after he tosses the bottle beneath the bottom rope.
:Kansas:
On secon thawt... let me tell ya bout whats I plan on doin while i'm hur. I'm sur ya'll seen dat lil incident a cuple weeks ago wid Legion. Nuthin gainst ya Legion but I tink dat I can do bedr. But dats besids da point. Den we hav sumone whu tinks itz funne how I talk. Callin me a hick. So my planz to take out dez two in any manner possible. If yu wan it i'll do it. Lez get dis starded ryte now. Ooooooooohhhhhhh yyyyyyyaaaaaaa! But dats ryte, neder one of dem haz da balz to come out hur an taik mez on. Come on Vinnie, come on Legion.
~~~Kansas stands back into oa corner, and looks at Jim. Jim is reluctant, but Kansas gives him a glare, and Jim grabs a beer, Kansas shakes his head and puts up a finger motioning for more, and Jim grabs two beers. Kansas repeats the process, and Jim stares wide-eyed, for a moment before Kansas nods and Jim reluctantly grabs three beers, then takes off his head phones, and delivers the beer.
:Peter: HAHA Beer boy!
~~~Kansas waits a while, and no one enters the ring.
:Bertram: Apparently nobody wants to wrestle with a drunken redneck.
:Peter: I wouldn't say that where he can hear you.
:Jim: *replaces his head phones.* He's drinking all my beer, and I feel degraded...
:Peter: Yea well, You didn't seem to have a problem drinkin his-
:Bertram: And he doesn't have a problem drinking yours.
:Peter: Why are we paying you? I could've said that.
:Kansas:
Well sins howz daiz don't seam to be comin out here maybe I'll giv sumon in da crowd a shot two take over my newly foun pozishun an wealdth. How's bout it peoplz? Duz anebudy tink dat they can taik me. One on one? Or tuez fors dat mader. Or wuld yuz lyk to see me put a reel beatin on Vegas? Howz bout Legion for dat mader? I really don't mader who it iz at dis point. If anebody in da back tinks they'd like to take me on let's see 'em show der face. Jim lets hav anoder shot an a beer whil I wait?
:Jim: What?
:Bertram: do you not comprehend english?
:Jim: Shot?
:Bertram: yes, he said go get him that purple bag, and have a shot with him.
:Jim: Sweet!
:Peter: Why can't you just shut up?
~~~Jim does as Bertram says, and grabs the bag, and get in the ring.
:Kansas:
Hey Jim. Sorry bout the other day. Iz wuz just reely hopped on beer and crown but besides Cain for givin me dis job and me of curse, youz da next kewlest person in dis playc. Anewayz, howz bout that shot and beer.
~~~Kansas takes a shot of the crown that was in the bag, and hands the bottle to Jim. Jim reaches for the crown and Kansas smacks him upside the head with the mic.
;Kansas:
You's cool an all, but diz is my crown, and I'm not in a good mood.
:Peter: HA HA That was awesome!
:Bertram: Alcohol will kill ya
~~~Jim rolls out of the ring holding his head, and returns to his seat.
:Jim: That sucked...Instant hangover.
:Peter: Hey Jim, By any chance... did that hurt?
:Bertram: Are you blind he just got whacked with~
:Jim: I THINK SOMEONE IS ABOUT TO GET A VISIT FROM SECURITY!
:Bertram: What?
:Peter: oh shit!
~~~Indeed security has been called as "Orgasmatron" by Motorhead rumbles the loudspeakers, security is seen scratching their heads around an open door, and an empty locker room. The head of security shuts the door showing the name on the door to be James Caine. As the door closes, Caine appears on the entry way to a roaring ovation. He smiles at the crowd and walks down the ramp to get into the ring. He snatches the mic from Kansas and wastes no time.
:Caine:
CUT THE SHIT! *His Music cuts out* Now before I start in on your Kuntree Mcnuggetass...wHERE ARE MY PSYCHOTIX?
:Peter: The fans love the unsane one.
:Jim: I hope he soocks that hillbilly.
:Bertram: I just wanna see some action.
:Caine:
That's right... You see that boy? That's the first thing you gotta have to be ouot here makin demands. You gotta win these people over, and ya don't do i by getting angry and hittin people with bottles-
:Caine:
Well maybe you can, but I digress, I'm a lot more important around here than you are rook, so if you're through trying to call out every worthless rookie, and has been that won't even accept a challenge from you... GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY PLATE!
~~~Caine turns his back to Kansas, who calls for a second mic and gets it.
:Bertram: Uh oh.
:Peter:what?
:Kansas:
Well parently I gots the attenshun of a-leese one haz been round hur.
:Jim: DAAAAAMMMNNNN!
:Bertram: I like this country guy, he's just looking for a fight.
:Peter: Well that's certainly one way to go about getting it.
:Jim: Did he really just say that?
:Bertram: Yes, take the carrot out of your ear, maybe you'll hear better Tecate.
:Jim: what?
:Peter: He was making reference to your last name Jim.
:Jim: It's Coo....OOhhhh...YOU ASSHOLE!
:Caine:
Scuse me.......I mean...Ex-scuse me.
~~~James turns around as Kansas has set the crown down, and as Caine turns his face is met with a stiff shot from Kansas that swings Caine's head in the opposite direction. Caine readjusts his jaw and mouths "ow" a moment before turning back.
:Peter: DAMN
:Jim: DAMN
:Bertram: DAMN
:Caine:
Now, I know....you didn't Jus~
~~~Caine is socked again by Kansas.
:Peter: AGAIN!
:Jim: I see security moving towards the ring already.
:Bertram: aww, let em go at it a little, come on.
:Peter: This won't be a match, this'll be a murder.
:Caine:
That's it...You hit me again....and I'm gonna~
~~~Caine starts to turn back a final time and kansas again takes a swing, but Caine blocks it and counters with a left. Caine connects, and swings again... and again. Three shots, and Kansas finally starts back on Caine. Security rushes towards the ring now, when a voice halts everything.
:Peter: Is that Tees? Now what the hell does he want?
:Jim: I dunno.
:Bertram: Doesn't matter what he wants, he wants it he gets it.
:Tees:
HOLD IT! ... Caine... Dark... You two keep going. Security, leave them be a while. Let it go...
~~~Joey Moe steps out onto the stage and barrels his overweight self down to the ring, as Caine turns back into a Kansas offensive. Kansas wraps up Caine and executes a modified rib breaker, dropping Caine. Kansas plays to a mixed reaction from the crowd, as Caine gets to his feet. Kansas turns and hammers a shot down onto Caine, who fires one back to Kansas' midsection. caine fights his way to his feet, when Kansas puts a boot to Caine's midsection, wraps an arm around his head and falls backwards. Kansas rolls himself through the bottom the ropes and lands on his feet outside the ring, and motions for Caine to come on. caine rolls over, and shakes some cobwebs, seeing Kansas motioning for him.
:Peter: I'll be damned, the kid has some skills.
:Jim: caine's just getting started...You'll see.
:Bertram: He's drunk, you can't beat a drunk man. It's like fighting something inivisible.
~~~Caine stands and turns his back to Kansas, with his hands on his hips and biting his lips. He stands there a second before turning around and baseball sliding into Kansas chest, knocking him into the gaurd rail. Caine slides out and begins hammering away on the fallen Kuntree man. caine grabs an arm and irish whips Kansas down the side of the ring where he slams into another gaurdrail. Caine puts a finger in the air and screams, the crowd screams with him, then Caine takes off. Charging Kansas, he leaps just before him high into the air for a body splash, but Kansas ducks aside at the last second and Caine crashes hard into the steel of the guardrail. Caine slides to the floor.
:Bertram: That is not going to feel good, ever.
:Peter: I thought you were smart.
:Jim: I thought he was right...
:Peter: Yes, in a redundant and dumb statement, I'd expect from you.
:Bertram: Careful Pete, don't wanna use to many big words and hurt yourself.
~~~Kansas comes into the scene and begins kicking Caine violently in the side, the same ribs he just smashed into metal. Caine tries to cover up, but can't cover all of himself. Kansas picks Caine up and then hoists him into a slam position. He doesn't slam him, he decides to ram his back and ribs into the metal of the steel post, dropping Caine like dead weight. Caine screams in pain, as he starts to crawl away. Kansas grabs a leg of Caine and throws his own arm into the air, before locking Caine into a Scorpion deathlock.
:Bertram: That's a Kansas Klutch.
:Peter: How very astute. Did you notice the fans are pulling for Caine?
:Bertram: I have some aleve if you need them Pete.
~~~Caine is struggling to break free as Moe checks for a submission. Caine repeatedly shakes his head no, and finally out of nowhere powers free of the move by flipping Kansas with his legs, and launching him into the turnbuckle. Kansas' face bounces off the steel, and his eyes roll back into his head as Caine just lays there clutching his ribs. Joey Moe looks to Caine, then looks to an unconcious Dark. Moe calls for a mic and the bell, before calling security over. Laura Layne approaches Joey, as E.M.T.'s move onto the scene.
:Bertram: holy hell! IS this normal?
:Peter: Yea...pretty much.
:Jim: At least once per show.
:Bertram: This place shuld come with a surgeon general's warning.
:Jim: That guy is a surgeon...his name is Bo.
:Laura Layne:
As a result of neither competitor being able to compete further this match has been ruled a double knockout, and a Draw!
:Bertram: Well that's Lame, Caine's still moving!
:Peter: I thought you were for Kansas
:Jim: Yea!
:Bertram: I'm all for violence.
:Jim: You're in the right place for that.
~~~The screen goes to commercial as the medical staff checks on both Dark, and caine.