What do you mean, Larry? How could my stuff be in Arizona, right now? How could you screw up that bad? How did it get from West Virginia to Arizona? A mistake?! A MISTAKE?! You damn right it’s a dumb mistake. So what happened?
Well, I think what happened was that your bags went on the plane that was supposed to go to Philadelphia. However, we had a change of plans and forgot to take your stuff off of the plane. It was an honest mistake, sir…like I said.
No, that’s not right. That’s not right at all. Why didn’t you look on the plane that you had initially placed my bags on and took it off. It isn’t that hard, chief. Don’t make it that hard.
Well, it wasn’t my fau…
Yeah, I know it wasn’t but…right now, you have my damn bags. I need those bags, man. Important stuff in there.
Well, we saw that it landed and it’s being sent to Philly where you are, as we speak.
Philly? I am not there anymore. How is that going to help me out? I’m in Pittsburgh, right now? I am home. I was only there for, about, a few days and went right back here. I didn’t need to stay in Philly, I have things to do…people to see…babies to kiss. Kid, I am a big name these days, and you want me to stay in Philly because of my bags being sent to Philly?
I know I…
By the way, why haven’t you called me yet asking for my permission to send that stuff to another location. What if I was, in fact, coming down to Arizona to pick up the bags myself? Ah, you know what? I don’t think you want to have me come down there personally.
Mr. Rizza, we are sorry for the inconvenience, but right now…it is out of our hands. It is out of Arizona air space and is on its way to Philly. If you have any problems, call them up. We wish you a full recovery of your bags and hope that there aren’t anything that’s missing or damaged on the transfer from West Virginia to Arizona and, now, Arizona to Philly. I wish there was more that I can do, but our hands are tied right now. We are sorry, but there is nothing that we could have done differently and if you have anything else to ask, please direct it at the receiver that is receiving the baggage, not us.
I hang up the phone and sit up from laying supine on the couch. I place my elbows on my knees as to holding my head and to mess with my hair thinking about what I should do. I stand up and begin to dial the number for the airport where we did land. The phone rings twice…then someone picks up…clicks once or twice and then a dial tone is heard. I hang up the phone and dial again.
Baggage Claim, hol’ please.
Three or four more clicks are heard and a dial tone. Is everyone that works at airports high? I mean, they know they are supposed to fucking work, right? I plop back down on the couch and sigh as I dial, for the lucky number third time.
Baggage Claim.
Uh yeah, due to a mess up I have a bag that landed in Arizona that is going to be flying in tonight to Philly and…
….What you want me to do?
I don’t want you to do anything, please let me finish ma’am. The bag is going to be flown into Philly tonight and I need to know if there is anyone that can travel from Philly to Pittsburgh to drop off my bags.
…Sir, there is nothing I can really do. You have to contact someone else.
Who am I supposed to ask, though? Can you help me? Hello…anyone there?
I hear muffling and then the phone slam, again. I call the help desk number I got…don’t know why I wound up with that number and, honestly, I could really care less how I got it…it was for situations just like this. I call the number.
Help desk, how may I help you?
Yes, I had a little mix-up with my baggage. I was brought in to Philly from West Virginia and the connecting flight was switched, however my bags didn’t make the switch from the one plane to the other and, now, my bags are on their way to Philly…but I am in Pittsburgh and I have things to do. Was wondering if there is a “bag taxi” service you guys have or if there is anything that you can do by bringing my bags HERE at where I am?
Wow, that does sound like a crappy deal sir. However, we do indeed have a bag return system and, since it was a mistake on part of an airline it is on the house. We’ll give you a phone call when the luggage is being sent to you and, seeing you are in Pittsburgh…estimated time arrival will be around in 12 hours after that phone call. Alright?
Alright.
it better work.
So…I lost.
However, unlike last few times where I tried to prove myself worthy…there’s another shot. There is another time where I get to stand toe to toe with the man who beat me for that first match to go up one nil against me. There is another chance for you, the fans, to get to see two great stars to go toe to toe and put on one hell of a show for you guys. You have another chance to see two giants, two greats, two legends of this sport go head to head and have one try to prove that the first win wasn’t a fluke while the second, and much more talented guy, is here to prove that, in fact, the first win was a fluke and put that sucker into overtime and penalty kicks.
That’s right; I am going World Cup style on you bitches. Right now, its halftime and Trent…who is going to be played by England and myself is the United States of America. Trent, at half time, is up one nothing. People are starting to back him because they claim that he is the bigger, better club, in this case the better wrestler. I have another half to prove that I am worth the effort in keeping. I have another half to prove that I am worthy enough to stand toe to toe with someone like an England; or Trent Gein. However, this week…will be the tying goal. But, Trent, instead of just a tie and just shake hands and act like nothing happen…
…We get overtime. We get number three. We get that third period, sudden death, one match to decide who gets to walk out of that damn place wearing that gold and taking two out of three from a great opponent.
Trent, I don’t know about you...but, Trent, I am not going to lie down. I am not going to let you walk over me and let you have an easy opponent at the pay per view. I am not going to lose. Because, just like you, I want a third match. Just like you, I want to give these fans another golden opportunity to see you and me in that ring one more time. Hell, I know you, Trent. You want me in that ring just as much as these fans, and just as bad as I do, you want this rubber match, you want that one more be-all-end-all match between us and, Trent, I know you aren’t just going to lay down either. I know you want to win just as bad as I want to win. So, that only means one thing…
…I have to do this the hard way. I have to beat you. I have to take you pillar to post, ring rope to ring rope. Trent, this match isn’t a match. It isn’t even a soccer event…this is a war between us. You got something I want, I have one two strikes against me, I know what I have to do to do it and, Trent, by the end of tomorrow …you won’t feel all warm and cozy knowing that your title is going to be safe and sound in your arms during the pay per view. Why? Because you will be worried about ME going into that pay per view match and, by God, take that United States title away and put it around MY waist.
I wake up holding my wife in my arms and hearing the kid scream and cry. I stretch my arms and legs and crack my neck a few times. I moan as I get up from the bed and look outside of my window. There, I see that the rain is pouring. I can barely see outside the window. I get my pants on and head out to the hallway and open the door to Eddie’s room and pick him up from his bed and place him over my shoulder and walk him over to the couch and sit him up and pop in his Whinnie the Pooh DVD. Eddie is, now, silent and in a trance at watching his programs. He fits right in, I tell you. I look outside the bigger window and notice that therain has already slowed down to a mere drizzle. I notice that the newspaper is outside so I go out and…
What the hell?
It’s a soaking wet luggage bag. I drag the luggage in the dry house and pick it up, so the skid marks doesn’t tarnish the wood floor and wake up the wife. I slam the luggage in the guest room, where no one is, and begin taking out the wet clothes that wound up in there. Everything is damaged. There is no wearable clothes, not even a semi-dry sock to wear. I hang up the clothes on hangers and take them down to the cellar to dry off. I look up the stairs and Mia is waiting at the top.
Nothing is easy, is it?