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Condoms?
With my fake passport, I had made it through customs, no alarms sounding. When I took my jet-lagged stroll by the last of the police officers, I took a deep breath. Lisa was excited, eyes wide. “This is an airport? This joint looks like both the Grove and the Beverly Center in Los Angeles. Look at all these places to shop. They have so many stores in here…Off the chains…this is like walking down Rodeo Drive.” Mrs. Jones was quiet and unimpressed, the opposite of Lisa. Lisa went on, “Café Nero. They have a friggin’ Burberry store up in here. Chez Gerard, whatever that is. HMV. Lacoste. Nike. Nine West. Starbucks. WHSmith. This is awesome.” Local time was eight thirty in the morning, my body still on eastern time, my every cell crying for a warm bed and few more hours of sleep. We’d been on the ground just long enough to battle our way through customs and make our way over to the North Terminal; Mrs Jones walked at my right side, her expensive heels clinking. My backpack was hanging from my right shoulder and I was pulling an over packed suitcase that had bad wheels, Lisa’s cheap luggage. Lisa had her backpack on and was pulling her second suitcase, that one having better wheels. Since she had so much to carry, I’d waited for her at baggage claim. Kept her talking, kept her laughing. Kept my eyes on the police. “Aww, man.” Lisa cursed at her phone. “Cell doesn’t work here.” I shook my head. “Not unless you have tri-band.” “Damn Verizon. I have to find a Verizon store and handle this.” “No Verizon here. If you had T-Mobile, you could upgrade, make the phone international. “ “They have Starbucks every tem feet but they don’t have one Verizon store?” “You need a phone with a SIM card.” “What’s a SIM card?” “SIM card. Subscriber Identity Module. Gets you international service. About the size of a postage stamp. Stores all kind of info. Like saved telephone numbers. Text messages.” Lisa cursed. “How am I going to survive without a phone?” “You can get a SIM card for about five bucks U.S. over in Chinatown.” “Yeah, but I need a freakin’ T-Mobile phone. You okay with that bag, Johnny?” I asked, “Did you have to pack your entire life in these bags, Lisa?” “I’m a girl, Johnny. I never know what kinda mood I’m going to be in, so I have to bring clothes to match my mood. Assholes made me pay extra. Said my bags were too heavy.” “How much did your bas weigh?” “One was like ninety pounds. The other one weighed a little over a hundred.” “How long are you staying with your boyfriend?” “The rest of my life. I’m going to be his Mimi, without the drug habit.” Mrs. Jones fell back behind us. I glanced and saw her break her cellular in half, then she dropped the remains in a trash can. She caught up with us, then once again she fell behind. She had freed herself of her electronic leash. Lisa asked, “Johnny, think I could borrow a few dollars?” “Pounds. Or quid. Same thing.” “Okay, pounds,” Lisa asked. “Can I borrow a few pounds, quids, whatever they use?” “For what?” “Check it. Kinda broke. Spent all of my money on the plane ticket. Was gonna ask my boyfriend to come get me. No signal, no cell. I don’t have enough to make a phone call.” “How much you need?” “How many pounds or quid do you get for a dollar anyway?” I motioned to a huge screen right above a money exchange station. She said, “Eighty cents for a dollar? The euro is kicking the dollar’s butt.” “Not eighty cents. That means eight-tenths of a euro for a buck. London is still on the pound system, Look at BP. British pound.” “Are you serious? Does that mean…I’m confused. Fifty-five cents for a damn dollar?” “Means fifty-five percent of a pound for a dollar. Less that that once they take their commission.” “That’s robbery. We need to be in Mexico. You can buy Mexican for like five dollars.” “How much British money you need?” “Well, I’ll need enough to get to Embankment. My boyfriend is chilling down in that area. The theater is on St. Martin’s street. He said his hotel was a two-minute walk from the theater.” “You have the address?” “Got it right here.” “No problem. I’ll get you to your man.” “Cool. My boo will have my back after that. I can get some money from him and kick you down what I owe you. Just holla at me down there and I’ll bring you what I owe you.” “Don’t worry about it.” “You sure?” “I’ll get you a day pass for all the zones. Just in case.” “And can you throw in enough for me to buy some condoms?” “Condoms?” Was this chick serious? We just meet on the damn flight “In case he doesn’t have any. Lose your momentum, spoil the mood.” Good point “How many condoms will you need, Lisa.” “A dozen should get me through the weekend. At least until Sunday.” “Today is Friday. And you want a dozen?” “You’re right. I should get more.” 
SBK is standing in front of a mirror giving himself a shave, oddly enough we appear to be looking at him from behind seeing the reflection in our screens. His eyes look like the man is on a never ending adrenaline rush of his own, when the familiar coarse voice speaks the razor blade runs down his cheek. You think you have it all don't you? People look down their noses at others because they got their fancy houses, their expensive suits and their plastic enhanced significant others...Hah screw that SBK is not going out like that! Ever since the lackluster performance of the Invitational, I‘ve been on a tear, I haven't been able to take out my rage, my anger, my frustration. The beast that it is grows more and more after I get to face another joker after joker who thinks they are living the good life, that they got it made and that I am just some low ranking loser for them to pummel on. Matt Marvel had to realize he is still my bitch...now I got this, this half man, half a winner, half moron half unlucky and bunch of half’s known as Jack Vaandrel. He does make me wonder quite the bit though that is true, got to hand it to him… Johnny cackles a bit dryly keeps on shaving his stubble of a beard away with nearly professional movements, one could think he was more of a barber than a wrestler. Jack Vanndrel has been through a lot, our very own Wonderboy has been on a epic slide, that last week he was finally pulled out of. Would someone please tell me what the fuck is so special about Jack Vaandrel? WHAT EXACTLY HAS HE DONE IF HE IS EVEN HALF OF THE MAN HE IS SUPPOSED TO BE? Does losing a bunch of matches make you special? If so why the hell did you finally allow yourself to win one? He tilts his head backwards a bit and turns it sideways shaving the other cheek too and closes his eyes halfway. Paul: "You managed to get yourself notice. I am a man of my own and I don't need any gifts, I don't beg for what is mine Jack I come and take it. Sadly enough tonight what I want is to beat you, I will do it too Jack, I shit you not. SBK grins and shaves his chin. I am the human kamikaze and what I do in the ring can't be controlled, I do what I need to do achieve my goal and those who are put against me, better not forget that when the bell rings I feel no mercy, I have no remorse and I sure as fuck won't hold back. I don't care if I break bones, yours or mine, I don't care if I bleed or make you bleed I don't really care about your well being and safety and you can't even bet on me giving two shits about my own. THAT is something that makes the crowd love a daredevil like me, I take chances, I do risky things and I love every single moment of that time in the ring no matter what happens. What I am is tired of waiting for another target like you Jack, I am ready to get in the ring with you and rip you to shreds. How about I bring this razor blade to the ring and we make things interesting, I handle the blade better than fucking surgeon, I bet you are feeling bad for that loss of yours right? Weeping a bit and frowning at the mirror are you? How about Dr Styles gives you some help, let's turn that frown upside down, right Jack? How about I do you a great big smile from ear… He whistles and runs the blade across his throat from left ear to right. …to ear? How about it Jack? A big smile for the fans at home, we could have some laughs and if you behave I might yank that tongue of yours out and tie a nice little knot for you, would you like a Cuban necktie Wonderboy? He laughs hysterically laying the razor blade down and grabs a towel walking away from the mirror with a towel on his shoulders, we only see his face and shoulders as he makes his way to a blackboard with a box of chalk. Sorry about that, I have a bit of an bad temper at times and it gets the worst of me when I don't get to channel it out, haha they might be taking a big risk booking me against you cause this might very well be your last match with the company, no matter how you slice it their risk won't be even HALF of the risk what you are taking stepping to toe with me. Are you really certain about this Jack? Are you really ready to put it all on the line just to get a chance of a win again? This could mean a career threatening injury or two. is that really worth of sticking to the winning side of things Wonderboy? SB grabs a piece of chalk and twirls it in his fingers. I suppose you think I am full of shit, right? That I am just talking out of my ass and trying to push your buttons, to psyche you out. I don't care if you get pissed Jack I could care less how you feel about me since when all is said and done I will be the one standing, when you quit and retire I will still be in HIW doing my thing, nothing can hold me, no one can stop me from my destiny...you think so highly of yourself, I can see that in the way you handle yourself in the ring, I can hear it from your promos, well I will put this all in more simpler terms so even you won't get it wrong. Jack starts writing on the blackboard with a white piece of chalk the words spell out manically: "Vaandrel=Priceless!" This here is what you think Jack, You think that you have a great legacy in HIW and elsewhere, you think that just because you got lucky you could still become the best in this business but the sad fact is that your best days have come and gone. It's about time you wake up from that silly daydream and realize the end of the pipeline before you go on and do something stupid that will cost you dearly… He crosses over the word "Priceless" and writes "Talentless" above it then screeching his nails against the chalkboard makes a very painful voice. That is the truth clawing it's way in to your little fantasy world. I live and breath this business Jack, I do this not for myself, not for the glory not even for the titles. I am not a washed up glory hound a sad excuse of a dog chasing a bone without a single tooth in it's mouth. I do this for the fans. They know you haven't got even HALF of what it needs to get a win over me, They also know that I don't care for you or your legacy, I don't care for your family, I don't care about your career. I don't give two shits about what happens to you or me and they love me for it! They roar and cheer for me when I go through that curtain, they would pair their last dollars to just pay to see me perform since I am the one true fan favorite of HIW. Everything is unscripted, unrehearsed and uncensored with me and they can't resist it. I am at Vital Signs and they all know my value, I am the MVP of this company, I don't care what the General Managers say or think. One thing the big wigs at the office know is that I put butts in the seats, sure I might be a bit of a risk with my given temper, I might be a danger to those around me but they won't fire me no matter what I do because they know that Thunder brings in the MO-NAYY!" SBK roars out the last word making a certain businessman feel like a cheap imitation of him. I am still a crazy motherfucker Jack, I am not going to stop losing matches though because life is full of up’s and downs but this Vital Sign I know I won’t be losing Jack. You think you could out wrestle me? Outsmart me or just plain dominate me in that squared circle? Nah, I don't think you could do that. You see I am a bit of an oddball when it comes to matches I can do all sorts of things and if one thing won't work I can adapt my style and do a whole bag of new tricks that you won't even see coming. In or out of the ring I can make you scream, cry and beg for the match to be over but the only way the match or anything else between us is over when I say so, you can hide under the ring, behind a referee or just runaway I will come and find you and I won't let you be until I am done. Going in to a match with a me is like making love to a 500 pound gorilla: You bend over and hope for the gorilla to finish fast! Well Jack, that might a bit of a vulgar way of saying things but this Silverback is in the mood for love and you are looking mighty fine...good enough to be shitlisted! I urge everyone capable of tune in for Vital Signs this week where a six foot four inches tall 225 pound phenom known as The Visual Orgasm outdoes everything his sad sack of shit excuse of a opponent known as Jack Vaandrel tries to do. I personally can guarantee all of you fans an eventful and unforgettable night of wrestling action with unpredictable events SB drops the towel from his shoulders and the camera pulls back showing him in all his nakedness which might become as a shock for the viewers too, He puts on a very disturbing face and winks at the camera opening his arms... See you in the ring Jack -- FIN -- |