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[Forward] Feelings. Feelings of loss, sorrow, pain, happiness and love all come from you. Yet you can’t control them some times. Its funny, humans are suppose to have all the answer. Yet when we have these feeling we look to god, or another for help or compassion. Why is it that others must help us in the time of need? Who let this happen? You should face your problems head on. Should and do are two very different thing though. People can sit there and say the should do this and should do that… but do they? Not to many do. Should is away out. It’s a way to hide. In love for instance. “I should choose her because she is caring and loving.” But do you? No because she isn’t the best looking girl. See, people us it as away out. Its not right by they still do it. When it comes down to it, your are your own enemy. You are the thing that makes you afraid. You are the thing that second guesses yourself. YOU make YOUR mistakes. Yet people blame it on others. “Babe, its your damn fault I cheated on you. IF you gave me a little more I wouldn‘t have.” or “hunny I‘m sorry but Jason won‘t let me marry you.” People blame others all the time. And its bull shit. If you fuck up you should take responsibility for it and be a man or woman about it and say… I fucked up. But I’m one to take eh.
Roleplay In the darkness of Cody Carson’s home. The clock strikes midnight. A glimmer and a flicker of light can is the only thing moving in the whole house. Moving closer till it had the stairs lit up. Heading down them to the basement were you see Cody Carson. He is punching and old punching bag. He is not wearing his wraps or gloves, with weight bands strapped to his wrists and ankles. Every punch took so much out of him the pain showed on his face. His pace quickened and a look of pour hatred came onto his face. He pounded the bag, harder and harder, faster and faster. The weights didn’t seem to be having their effect now. The pure anger and hatred had taken over. Little beads of sweat dropped from his face, landing on his chest and sliding down. Cody continued with the punches and kicks. His knuckles are started to show the sign of about to bleed. But instead of slowing down the Resolution picked the pace up yet again. After several punches and kicks, his knuckles started to bleed. Not a lot but the blood is there. Cody didn’t slow down. He just kept going as fast as he could. The pain was now not visible on his face. He looked like he was in a trans. Finally Cody’s knuckles busted and started bleeding more and more with every punch. Cody started to slow his pace and the pain now comes back to the mans face. He slowly calms himself. The bag swings back and forth and Cody walked over to the stairs and started up them. He made it to the bathroom on the first floor and washed the blood from his knuckles. Some skin gets pulled off but it didn’t faze Cody. He doused his hands with a liquid to provident infection. Then he grabbed some gauze a wrapped his left hand. Then the same to the right. Cody looked at himself in the mirror and gave himself a look of pure anger and hatred. “How could you do it to her?” Cody asked himself allowed. “How could you turn you back on the woman that you are engaged to?” Cody looked down and shook his head. He pushed himself away and out of the bath room. Suddenly the phone rang. Cody didn’t even think. He ran and grabbed it. “Hello, Carmen.” “Mr. Carson…” “Yes.” Cody replied. “I am calling to find out if you would like to take part in a …” Before she could even finish, Cody hung up the phone and slid down the wall. He dropped his head into his hands and fought back the tears. “Why me? Why now?” Cody pushed himself up and walked into the living room. He flopped onto the couch and looked at the coffee table. There the letter from Brandi sat. Beside it… a picture of him and Carmen at the beach. He draped his arm over his forehead and looked at the ceiling as his eyes filled with tears. “How do I choose between two people that I love?”
<<<
The floor is littered with empty beer bottles and cans. All over the place the silver tin and glass lay. Cody Carson is sitting on the floor with a beer bottle in hand and his arms resting across his knees. He bent his arm up and took a couple of swigs from the beer. He stared at the bottle the best he can and then chugged the rest down. He throw the bottle across the room and it smashed against the fridge. Shattering. Cody started to lean then fell to his right. He laid there staring at the cans and bottles. For about five minutes of silence. Then the phone rang. Cody slowly pushed himself up and pulled the cord. The phone fell in between his now outstretched legs. He picked it up in reverse. With the listening end to his mouth. “Hello…” He said trying not to sound to drunk. He realised that the phone was wrong and turned it around, laughing to himself. “Hello…” he said again.
“Cody?”
“Who is…” Cody burped “Ahh… This?”
“Its Jimmy man.”
“Oh Jimbo…” Cody blinked his eyes a couple of times then sat wide eyed. “You sound like a girl.”
“Dude, where are you?”
“Am at home.”
“No your not.”
“My home numb nuts.” Cody still could make fun of Jimmy pissed out of his skull. “What do…you want?”
“I heard about Carmen.”
“Fuck you.” With that Carson hung up the phone. He stood up but lost his balance and fell. The phone rang again and Cody jumped up, grabbed the phone and fell back down. “Hello…”
“Cody.”
“Carmen.”
There's a long pause, and a soft famine voice is heard on the other end. “No, Cody.”
Cody groaned. “Who… is this?”
"It's Brandi, but from what I'm hearing in your voice this is a bad time. I know it's late, I should have waited till morning to call you, I'm sorry."
“No, we need to… talk.” Cody started.
“We do?”
“Yes. It might be hard seeing as I am… a little under the weather… But do you think you could meet me at… the Coom Shack in the morning.”
"Cody, I'm in Miami. That's where I'm calling you from right now."'
“Right.” Cody sat up and put his head in his hand. “Umm… I got your book.”
A bit of excitement can be heard in Brandi's voice. "Finally, I sent it to you well over a week ago. Actually at the same time I sent Seth and Jalie their copy.” Brandi paused "So have you skimmed through it yet? Remember despite the Cold hearted bitch exterior, remember I do have some feelings. No matter what other people say."
“I got the letter…” Cody replied, fighting the pain from his voice.
"Well, of course you did. If I didn't want you to know those things, I wouldn't have wasted my time writing it."
“Brandi, my fiancée got the letter.” Cody started “and she left. Now, I‘m left with a choice I don‘t want to make.”
"Cody, What are you talking about?" Brandi asked a little confused.
“You or her.” Cody said to soft for Brandi to catch.
“What?”
“I have to choose you or her. I love you more then I ever thought I could love someone. Except Carmen. But I don‘t know if I love her that much any more.” Cody paused. “If I knew you felt the same way about me, we would have hooked up long ago. I thought you and I were just friends. But we both love each other.” Cody sighed. “I‘m so fucking confused.”
Brandi James waited before she spoke, hearing the pain in Cody's voice. "I never meant for this to be so complicated. I actually never expected you to feel this way to tell you the truth. Fact is I thought you were over your feelings for me."
“So did I.” Cody said. “But obviously, I‘m not. I‘m still in love with you Brandi. And I never want to hurt you or Carmen but…”
Brandi's voice began to crack a bit, it's apparent that she's trying to hold back crying. "All, I want is for you to always be in my life. I've made many mistakes, and you know that. I've hurt a lot of people that I've cared about. I destroyed Damien Spark's marriage to Lisa. Because I was the other women before. Even with Walsh, as he was breaking up with Jalie, I was the other women. I won't do that to you."
“But Brandi, the problem is, I love you. I don‘t know who I love more. And If I do love you more, then it wouldn‘t be right for you or I not to be together.” Cody said as a tear ran down his face. “I miss being around you. Every time I wanted to tell you something, someone was in the way. Be it Walsh, Melory, Carmen, or hell even me. I melt like I use to when your around. No matter how much I tell myself I can‘t love you I do.”
"Carson, I'm not going to pressure you. I do love you, I realized that after a lot of Soul searching. My advice to you is listen to what your heart wants. And no matter what you decide, I will respect. I'm not fragile Cody, I'm grown up enough to accept who ever you want. You need space, and to be left alone that's fine. You want me to fly to where ever you are, well that's fine as well. The only thing I do ask is this. No matter your choice, I always want us to remain friends. That's all I ask.”
Cody took a deep breath “Okay.” Cody whips the tears from his face. “I‘ll talk to you soon.”
"I'm so sorry Cody. Maybe I should have kept this to myself. You really seem taken back by all of this."
“No, I‘m glad to know.” Cody gulped. “and I‘m glad you know how I feel.”
Brandi took a deep breath. "Well that's good to know." There's a beep in the phone. "Hey, Carson.. that's my other line. I think it's my agent, because The best Damn Sports show period is doing a road show at the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino here. They want me on the show to promote my book, and junk like that."
Cody opens his mouth and tries to speak. “I…”
“I know.” She replied. “good bye Cody.”
She hung up the phone and could got the rest out. “Love you.” Cody stood up and hung up the phone. He staggered to the fridge and opened it. The only thing left was a bottle of wine he bought for him and Carmen. He stared at it then slammed the fridge.
Match talk
Well mike, the day will be upon us in about an hour. Are you ready? We don't need people like you, who just are a waste of space. Wither up and die. Yeah, I'm sexist, derogatory, predgidest, racist. You name it, and if it has to do with hating anyone other than a caucasian that weighs less than 230 for a guy, 150 for a girl, I hate it. So that's pretty much 3/4's of the world.
Fuck you and the world. Go fucking kill your self you worthless piece of shit. I don’t give a shit what you say about me because it probably true. Nothing is going to stop me from whipping your ass cross that ring and back again. I don’t give a fuck if you hate me. I don’t care if you like me. All I care about is winning. Something that you can’t do you fucking idiot.
Before you count me out you better remember just who the hell I am and how the hell I got here. You haven’t done shit for this fed, I was made this federation what it is. I may not be the world champion but I am who everyone is talking about. You’re the world champion, so the fuck what? Walkign through the back the questions are flooding out. Is Carson going to take your title mike? Can CODY walk out of Lost Souls a double champion? What if Cody pins mike? Every one of those questiona nd every one that you fight so hard not to hear are about me. I bet you have ever asked yourself those questions, because you know there is nothing you can do to stop me.
No Matter how much you go out there and push, you mind is tell you you can do it… But You body knows you can’t. As does your heart. That’s why you will never be able to beat me Mike. You know in your heart that you can’t touch me. And it makes you all the more weaker when I get you in the ring. You know that you can take Zeek Williams. You beat him for the title, and I know it wasn’t a fluke. But mike… Have you ever been in the rin with me? No. When Sunday comes around I and Pin your ass, will you know that you are nothing to me? You better. I do have a hint of respect for you. Not much but a bit. I mean if you put up a good fight, I will give you some… But you know that respect is earned. You haven’t shown me shit.
Alex Alex Alex, Well the bitch speaks finally. Hello faggot. How are you feeling? Nervous? Sick? Like the devil himself is breathing down your neck? You see... That’s because he is. I’ve watched you since your debut. Not because I was interested in your progress really, but because you seem like one of those people who is undoubtedly going to cause trouble for themselves. I watched you spout off about being different. How you’re not the average woman, that you prefer to fight guys, and about how you intend to prove yourself to be one of the top women in wrestling. Do you know how to accomplish that, Alex? It’s simple... You take out the competition. You defeat all those that are ahead of you, in the running for that title.
So what the fuck makes you think you’re so different? Are we supposed to be in awe of you because you said so? It doesn’t work that way. Maybe you can take my advice into consideration. Shut the fuck up. You’re not impressing anyone with words. Make an attempt to do it in the ring. I’ll admit, you did well In the main event last week. But that was one match. Your reputation is zero right now. Admit you’re a damn rookie. Admit you have a lot to learn. And focus your energy on doing well in the ring.. Instead of spouting off bullshit that no one is going to buy. It’s really that simple.
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