MN: Speak for yourself. I'm side.

DT: *sigh* Folks, this next match is the third in a series of contests between two young lions! On one hand, we have Kevin Watson, and on the other hand, the... unorthodox young man known as John Doe!

MN: This Doe guy's a maniac. I heard he killed someone and got thrown in the looney bin. I guess he calls himself John Doe because he has amnesia or something and can't remember his real name.

DT: Regardless of his past, he's still an interesting character to say the very least. What say we go to the ring?

[Cue up: Long Way Home by Super Tramp. Kevin enters the ramp way with a nonchalant swagger. A towel covers his face from site, while his head hangs low. He takes his time making his way down to the ring. He slides into the ring and readies himself for the match.]

DT: Folks, Watson and Doe had a tough cage match at Black Dawn, but since both ended up hitting the floor at the same time, they’re going to settle the score tonight.

MN: You mean Doe hopes to settle the score? So far, Watson’s got the only victory in two matches.

DT: Yes, but this is a no holds barred match, so who knows what’s going to happen.

[Cue up: (SiC) by Slipknot. Doe rushes to the ring, sliding under the bottom rope and rushing at Watson, flooring him with several clotheslines as the referee asks for the bell to start the match]

DT: And Doe coming out quickly here, he’s looking fired up for this one.

MN: You’d be if you’d been left coughing up blood at Black Dawn.

[Watson escapes to the outside, but Doe follows him, connecting with a kick to the gut and four stiff chops, the crowd not so much WOOing as cringing. Doe then sends Watson back under the bottom rope, following him. Watson runs the ropes, hitting a shoulder block, before running the ropes again. Doe rises quickly behind him, and catches him with a hurricanrana. Doe floats over, pulling Watson off the mat, kicking him in the gut, and setting up for a powerbomb]

DT: And Watson’s in REAL trouble as Doe just piles on the offence. Doe is determined not to go three matches without a win against him, and he’s been unrelenting this match.

MN: Looks like the end could be near for Watson if he doesn’t fight back soon.

DT: The cover off the powerbomb…only a two count.

[Doe, rather than letting it get to him, instead pulls Watson off the mat, whipping him to the corner, and following in with a splash. He then whips him to the far ropes, running the near ropes himself]

DT: Big splash there….AMNESIA ATTACK!!!

MN: OUCH!!!

DT: One,

Two…..

THREE!! JOHN DOE WINS IT!!!

[SFX: *DINGDINGDING* - Bell rings]

MN: Doe sure gets some revenge for that defeat he suffered a while back, and in style. Man, that attack looks painful.

DT: Yeah. Maybe we should ask Doe to show you how painful?

MN: [agitated] No, no, no, no, no, I’m fine as I am.

DT: Either way, I think that was probably the shortest match in EPW history, as Doe put Watson away in something like a minute.

MN: He was fired up, I guess.

DT: Well, since we're moving at a good clip in terms of match times, let's head right to the next contest of the evening, shall we?

MN: Why not? I could use a good bout of heckling.

DT: You'd have to be living under a rock to have not heard of British youngster Karl Brown, a young man who's been taking the wrestling world by storm recently. Tonight, he meets Derek Shultz in the ring-

MN: I think it's Smaltz.

DT: Come to think of it, I think it's Stantz.

MN: Lemme check... Oh, it's Stoltz.

DT: Ohhhhhhh. I knew it had an S and a T-Z, but-

MN: I know.

DT: Let's head to the ring.

TONY FATORA: Th' following contest is scheduled for one fall!

[The arena is bathed in darkness seconds before "Rainmaker" blares out, causing a cascade of green and white lights to flicker across the arena in time to the music and pyro to explode from the side of the stage. With the first words, Karl steps through the curtains, looking around at the crowd. He high-fives fans either side of the aisle, stopping for autographs along the way, as he walks to the ring. Circles the ring once, then vaults over the top rope, standing on the second rope, arms aloft, saluting the fans on each side of the ring, before waiting in the centre of the ring for his opponent.]

TONY FATORA: Introducing first... He is from Nottingham, England... He weighs in at two hundred and eleven pounds... This issss KARRRRRRRRRRRL... THE DRRRRRRAGOOOONNN... BRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWNNNNNNNN!!!

[Cue up: "Licking Cream" - Sevendust as Derek Stoltz walks to the ring. The crowd is completely dead.]

TONY FATORA: And introducing his opponent... He hails from Syracuse, New York... He weighs two hundred and thirty pounds... DEREEEEEEEEEEEEK... STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLTZ!!!

[SFX: *DINGDINGDING* - Bell rings.]

[Brown patiently awaits Stoltz's first move. Stoltz gives it to him - he comes in swinging with a clothesline, but Brown casually ducks it. Raging, Stoltz rushes him again and tries a flying forearm, only for Brown to sidestep with ease.]

DT: Oh, Karl Brown's easily avoiding Derek Stoltz's attacks!

MN: Playin' a little possum, he is.

[With a yell of frustration, Stoltz barrels at Brown, looking for a spear; however, Karl steps forward and kicks the other man in the teeth. Stoltz flips over Karl's leg from the impact and lands on the canvas, bleeding from his nose. Cool as a cucumber, Brown picks Stoltz up and drops him on his face with a flapjack.]

DT: Oh my! Stoltz is busted open already, courtesy of that brutal knee from Karl Brown - made even more brutal by Stoltz' velocity at the point of impact!

MN: Thank you, Senor Physics.

[As Stoltz stumbles to his feet, Brown hooks him up and drops him to the mat with a face plant. He quickly cradles Stoltz's head and brings him to his feet again. In desperation, Stoltz hits a jawbreaker. A stunned Brown is knocked backwards a few steps, allowing Stoltz to fire off a superkick, but Brown catches it, spins Stoltz around, and back-suplexes him.]

DT: There's a hard back suplex from the Dragon, as he's taking it to Derek Stoltz in a big way!

MN: He's controlling him big time, man.

[Stumbling to his feet, Stoltz wipes blood from his upper lip. Meanwhile, an attractive young lady in the front row stands up and waves a huge "KARL BROWN IS SUCH A HOTTIE" sign, squealing with glee. Brown leans on the ropes and acknowledges her with a wave.]

DT: Looks like Brown's taking a moment to play to the fans, but it could cost him!

[Stoltz notices Karl's distraction and stumps towards him; however, Karl flicks a look over his shoulder, then boosts himself onto the top rope and springboards off into a backflip, coming down to fluidly snap Stoltz into an inverted facelock. Raising a hand to the crowd, Brown casually drills Stoltz with the Dragon's Bite and rolls over for the cover!]

DT: WAIT!!! QUEBRADA!!! QUEBRADA INTO THE DRAGON'S BITE!!! COVER!!!

ONE!!

TWO!!!

THREE!!!

[SFX: *DINGDINGDING* - Bell rings.]

TONY FATORA: Here is your winner... KARRRRRRRRRRLLLLLLL... BRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOWNNNNNN!!!

DT: An impressive and convincing win here from Karl Brown, as he continues to shine here in EPW!

MN: And with that quebrada into the Dragon's Bite, too! He pulled that off at Black Dawn, and it worked like a charm here too!

DT: That's definitely an impressive sequence, and one that many opponents wouldn't expect.

MN: Brown rocks, plain and simple. That guy's gonna be World Champion one day.

DT: It's possible. But don't go away, folks - we've got more action just ahead!

MN: Aw sheeit, yo!