FREEMAN: I apologize for interrupting the show, ladies and gentlemen, but I have announcement to make. At Black Dawn, Nate "Zero" Logan made his debut, attacking Empire Pro World Champion Christian Sands in the process. Dan Ryan and I have both discussed this extensively, and we have come to the conclusion that a loose cannon like Zero is a hazard to the security of Empire Pro Wrestling, and his history of drug abuse puts his judgment into question. Therefore, I have no choice but to suspend Nate Logan for a minimum of one month. If after that time his conduct has improved, the suspension will be lifted.

Again, I apologize for this unfortunate occurrence, but Mr. Ryan and I both feel that this action is the best possible course of action for EPW. Now, let's get on with the broadcast. Enjoy the show, everyone.

[Freeman flashes the camera a light smile before the shot cuts away to ringside.]

DT: I can't believe this! In the door, out the door - Zero's GONE!

MN: That's what he gets for jumping the World Champion, Dave! If he's gonna try and start crap on his first day of work, he doesn't belong here!

DT: Oh, please. You and I both know that Christian Sands was provoking him.

MN: Hey, don't knock the champ, kid!

DT: I'm not a kid - and before you even answer, let's go to the next match, shall we?

MN: Don't change the-

DT: This next match has the potential to be very interesting, as two up-and-comers in Michael Gettis and Brien Cage face off in the squared circle. Let's go to the ring.

[The two men are already in the ring, having arrived during the commercial. SFX: *DINGDINGDING* - bell rings.]

[Gettis and Cage lock up, surrounded by the complete, utter, total, cricket-chirping silence of a crowd so disinterested, Gettis and Cage could dance the Macarena while juggling flaming chainsaws and they STILL wouldn't care.]

DT: Uh... this is certainly an interesting crowd reaction as these two titans lock up.

MN: *snore*

[The lock-up continues for awhile before Cage snaps Gettis into a headlock. And he holds him there for a while. For a long while, in fact. Finally, Gettis tries to power out, but Cage slugs him and keeps the headlock on. Somewhere at the back of the arena, a chant starts up: "BO-RING! BO-RING! BO-RING!"]

DT: Cage really working in that headlock there!

MN: *snore*

DT: And, uh, folks, don't mind the chants. I guess some people can't appreciate old-school wrestling.

[After what seems like an eternity, Gettis backs into the ropes and slingshots out of the headlock, coming back to deck Cage with a shoulder block. He drops to the canvas and applies a front facelock. A louder chant starts up: "THIS MATCH SUCKS!!! THIS MATCH SUCKS!!! THIS MATCH SUCKS!!!"]

DT: Uh... Oh, what the heck. Folks, I'm sorry. We had no idea it would be this bad.

MN: Shame on us. This is terrible.

[Gettis continues to work in the facelock as the crowd chants, "BO-RING MATCH! BO-RING MATCH!"]

[Cue up: "Zero" - Smashing Pumpkins, and the crowd immediately comes alive, popping like zits as Dan Ryan strolls down the ramp. The big man rolls into the ring, grabs Gettis by the trunks, pulls him off of Cage, and thunders him to the mat with a belly-to-belly suplex! The crowd roars in approval, mostly out of relief that Ryan finally ended the bad match. Cage stumbles to his feet, and Ryan calmly kicks him in the face, knocking him to the outside!]

DT: IT'S DAN RYAN!!! THE OWNER OF THE COMPANY IS HERE - AND HE'S BEATING THE LIVING HELL OUT OF MIKE GETTIS AND BRIEN CAGE!!!

MN: YES!!! HE ENDED THE BORING MATCH!!!

[Grunting, Ryan grabs Gettis and stuffs him into a standing headscissors, hauling him effortlessly onto his shoulders before DRILLING him with a Humility Bomb! Without hesitation, the Ego Buster pulls Gettis up again, delivering ANOTHER huge Humility Bomb! But he doesn't stop there - a THIRD Humility Bomb OBLITERATES Gettis, nearly blasting him through the mat! Cage rolls into the ring to try and fight Ryan off, but Ryan just slugs him and Humility Bombs him without changing expression.]

DT: MY GOD!!! DAN RYAN HAS DESTROYED GETTIS AND CAGE!!! BUT WHY?!?!

MN: He's cutting the dead weight!

[With both men laid out in the ring, Ryan sniffs, then turns and exits the ring, cheered on by the suddenly rejuvenated crowd!]

DT: I can't believe this! We were supposed to see a match, but Dan Ryan has destroyed both of the competitors!

MN: How much ya wanna bet they're both fired?

DT: Hold on... I'm getting word from the back that Michael Gettis has indeed been fired!

MN: What about Cage?

DT: From what Mr. Freeman is saying, Ryan's giving Cage one last chance to get his act together. If he can't do it, he's gone too.

MN: DAAAAAMN!! Ryan's layin' down the law, man!

DT: Well, he said he was cutting the dead weight, and Gettis has definitely been dead weight. He hasn't bothered to cut a single promotional spot.

MN: Loser.

DT: I concur.

[CUTTO: A corridor backstage. The crowd pops HUGE as the camera catches Lindsay Troy walking down the hall. She stops in front of a vending machine and checks out the selection.]

TROY: Ugh. Pepsi products.

[After a moment, Troy pops a few coins into the machine, and pushes a button. Nothing happens. She pushes the button again. This time, there's a whirring sound, but nothing comes out. Troy scowls before backing up and kicking the machine HARD. Finally a bottle of Aquafina emerges, which she grabs. As she straightens, a door across from the vending machine opens. Troy turns at the sound, and locks eyes with Christian Sands. The crowd boos at his appearance.]

SANDS (gruffly): Lindsay.

TROY (cooly): Christian.

SANDS: Nothin' like Pepsi products, huh? Great quality.

TROY (sarcastically): Yeah, just like my present company.

[She twists off the cap and takes a swig of the water]

SANDS: (ignoring the sarcasm) I know, I'm wonderful. You know, you left your shoes under my bed last night, Lindsay.

TROY: Oh did I really?! You must have been reaching for them when you suddenly woke up and realized it was all a dream.

SANDS: Nope, they're real shoes. You left the panties behind, too, but I'll keep those. Hang 'em on my wall.

TROY: Mmmm you would only be so lucky, Christian. I guess you can call anyone my name if you scream it loud enough in the throes of passion. Jenna can become Lindsay real quick with a slip of the tongue.

SANDS: You'd like me to slip you some tongue, wouldn't you? (Holding up a hand) Alright, enough banter. I have a favor to ask of you.

TROY: Why Mister Sands, I do declare. (She mock bows) Asking something of someone else for a change? (A smirk) And what do I owe the honor of being the person of which you ask this favor?

SANDS: Don't sass at me, young lady, or I'll take you over my knee and spank you.

TROY: That's kinky, but I'm not into S&M. Sorry.

SANDS: (sarcastically) Damn, so I bought you that dominatrix outfit for nothing. (Not-sarcastically.) But in all seriousness. I need you to give Beast a message for me.

TROY: Alright. Shoot.

SANDS: Tell him that he's earned my respect after Black Dawn. And tell him that if he's ever got a hankering for a rematch, I'll put the belt on the line and take him on - any time, anywhere.

[Troy raises an eyebrow, and takes another swig of water.]

TROY: Well. This is certainly a shock. I lost a bet.

SANDS: I'm serious. Just give him the message.

TROY: I'm serious too. I bet Ryan fifty bucks that you didn't care about anyone but yourself. Nice to know that I was proven wrong on some level. (Winks)

I'll give him the message, Christian. Just make sure you hang onto that belt so Marcus can take it from you. The genius you're facing tonight...doesn't cut it in my book.

SANDS: Oh, I care about a few other people. And the genius I'm facing tonight isn't one of them. Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be polishing this title and admiring my face in it.

[Sands turns and steps back towards his door.]

TROY: For what it's worth, Christian...

SANDS: Eh?

TROY: Nice Canadian choice of words. (She snickers) Completely on the level, though...you did good at the PPV. Take that at face value.

[Troy turns and walks off. Sands squints after her, then lifts an eyebrow as she turns a corner, out of earshot. He mulls over what she just said before smirking.]

SANDS: You know, Christian... that Lindsay Troy is one fine piece of ass.

[With that, Sands turns to slip back into his locker room, but a voice down the hall suddenly rings out.]

???: Hey, Sands!

[Muttering something to himself, Sands turns to face the voice - only to wind up floored as Beast charges down the hall at top speed and spears Sands practically out of his boots to a HUGE crowd pop! As Sands lies sprawled on the floor, Beast looks down at him for a moment, then sniffs and strolls off down the hall, whistling casually to himself as if nothing had happened.]

DT: I can't believe this! Beast has just thrown down the gauntlet to Christian Sands!

MN: Someone call security! He shouldn't be allowed to do that!

DT: In all fairness, Mike, I think Sands had it coming.

MN: Don't give me that! That's our champion he just speared! Some way to repay the champ's gratitude, huh? Sands went out of his way to offer that guy a rematch, and Beast spears him like the ingrate he is!

DT: Well, either way, it seems the issue between Sands and Beast is far from over. But for now, we've got to go to a commercial - and when we come back, we'll have another match for you!

MN: Hopefully not another squash...

DT: Trust me, it won't be. We'll be right back!