TONY FATORA: Th' following contest is scheduled for one fall! 

[Pyro and Fireworks go off in the arena as "EPW" flashes all over the big screen near the top of the rampway. The arena turns pitch black as the camera catches the fans as they start to look at each other. CUEUP: "(Sic)" - Slipknot. The big screen flashes between a blurred face and film of a wrestler. Blue pyro fires off at the entrance ramp as the words John Doe flash and shake on the big screen. From behind the curtain, a wrestler walks out on the ramp and "John Doe" makes his way to the ring.] 

TONY FATORA: Introducing first... He hails from parts unknown... He weighs in at two hundred and fifteen pounds... This is the man known as JOOOOOOOOOOOOOHN... DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOE!!! 

[Cue up: "In The Wake Of Poseidon" - Grade. Aodhan Lorigan tanks through a succession of pyrotechnics bursting and sizzling from each side of the entranceway, as the music echoes from shaking speakers. He hops onto the ringside, and steps over the ropes; once on stage, he circles the ring, as with a purpose. Finished with his ceremony, he leans his back against the ropes and lets thems sag with his weight.] 

TONY FATORA: And the opponent, making his Empire Pro Wrestling debut... He hails from Ankara, Turkey... He weighs in at two hundred and forty-seven pounds... He is the Fist of Poseidon... AODHAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNN.. LOOOOOOOOOORIGAAAAAAANNNNNNNNN!!! 

MN: There, he said Owdan. 

DT: No, I think he's wrong. I'm SURE it's Ayodan. 

MN: Are you gonna second-guess Fat Tony? He'll sic his mobsters on you! 

DT: Don Fatora. Oh boy. 

[Cue up: "The Final Countdown" - Europe. The fans boo as Bryan Storms steps through the curtain, strolling down to ringside. He offers Doe a little wave, then seats himself at ringside, grabbing a headset.] 

DT: Er, it looks like we're going to be joined at ringside by Bryan Storms of Second Coming! 

MN: Bryyyyy, my MAN! What's up, dogg? 

STORMS: I'm not, have never been, and will never be your dogg, Neely. 

MN: Don't hate, playa. 

STORMS: Just figured I'd sit in on this match. See how bad John Blow up there can embarrass himself. 

DT: Now that's pretty vindictive. 

STORMS: I know. Ain't it great? 

[SFX: *DINGDINGDING* - Bell rings.] 

[Ignoring Storms for now, Doe and Lorigan square off. Doe moves in for a tie-up, but Lorigan slugs him in the face. Scowling, Doe punches back, and the two brawl for a moment before Lorigan stuns Doe with a knee to the gut. Grabbing Doe's arm, Lorigan whips him into the ropes, shoulder blocking the smaller man down to the canvas.] 

STORMS: Twenty seconds in and Doe's already getting owned. What a putz. 

DT: You really don't like John Doe, do you? 

STORMS: Honestly, I think he's a hack. Why would any sane promoter sign some dumbass mental patient to a contract? 

MN: Hey, last week Dan Ryan said Doe draws ratings. 

STORMS: I say Dan Ryan's full of sh(FCC). 

DT: Watch your language, young man! 

[Lorigan quickly runs the ropes, but Doe kicks to his feet and catches the Turkish-born Irishman off guard with a flying forearm. Grunting, Lorigan hits the mat. Hitting the ropes, Doe rebounds and drops an elbow into Lorigan's sternum. As Lorigan rolls to his hands and knees, Doe circles and dropkicks him in the face, knocking the bigger man down again.] 

DT: Looks like John Doe's taking control here, trying to keep the larger Lorigan grounded. 

STORMS: Yeah, 'cause he knows if Lorigan gets up, he's gonna get creamed in six seconds. 

DT: You're being too hard on him. 

STORMS: No, I'm giving him the credit he deserves. 

[Lorigan again comes to his knees, only for Doe to drop a leg across the back of his neck, forcing him to the canvas. Quickly, Doe rolls Lorigan over and sets his knee on the big man's chest, pummeling away at Lorigan's face with rights and lefts. This continues until the official forces the break. As Lorigan comes to his feet, Doe runs the ropes and comes back with a sharp running DDT!] 

DT: Ooh, big DDT on the fly from John Doe! 

MN: Lorigan's gonna feel THAT one in the morning! 

STORMS: Yeah yeah. I could do that much better. 

[Doe rests his hands on his knees, waiting for Lorigan to rise. The big man eventually does so, using the turnbuckles to help himself up. Grinning, Doe charges Lorigan - but Lorigan sidesteps. Doe's momentum carries him between the turnbuckles to slam his shoulder against the steel post!] 

DT: John Doe just got posted! 

STORMS: I knew that would happen. What kind of idiot charges into the corner that blindly? 

[Grabbing Doe by the trunks, Lorigan pulls him out of the corner, hammerlocking Doe's hurt arm and bodyslamming him onto it. Lorigan quickly pulls the target arm out from under Doe and drops a pair of knees across the elbow joint before pulling Doe up by it, then twisting the limb and jerking Doe to the mat again with an armbreaker.] 

DT: Wise strategy by Lorigan here, working over that hurt arm of John Doe! 

STORMS: I give Doe six seconds. 

MN: He some armbusta', man. 

[Not relenting, Lorigan pulls Doe to his feet, slugging away at Doe's injured shoulder. The punishment drops Doe to a knee. Gritting his teeth, Doe fights back with a chop, but Lorigan slugs him down, then sticks him in a front facelock and DRILLS him with a brutal running spinning shoulderbreaker!] 

DT: OH! He calls that the Rusted Razorblade! Lorigan with the cover! One - 

TWO - 

Doe kicks out just before the count of three! 

MN: That was pretty slick! 

STORMS: Slow count! SLOW COUNT! 

[With a huff, Lorigan hauls Doe off the mat, whipping him into the ropes. The big man tries for a discus punch, but Doe ducks it, coming up behind him with a quick neckbreaker that brings Lorigan down hard. Doe stops to shake out his hurt arm, then waits for Lorigan to rise. The Irishman does so, but eats a stiff karate kick from Doe!] 

DT: There's a Buzzsaw kick from Doe, taking Lorigan upside the jaw! 

STORMS: Ooh, he does his little girly kicks. I'm scared now. 

[Doe immediately takes advantage of Lorigan's fallen state, hitting the ropes and tumbling back with a big rolling senton splash! From there he goes to the top rope, flipping onto Lorigan with a moonsault that draws oohs from the crowd!] 

DT: Oh, and the moonsault follows the Rolling Thunder! The cover by Doe! One - 

TWO - 

Kickout by Lorigan! 

STORMS: Fast count! Lorigan should've been able to kick out at one! 

MN: Oh, not even I'M this blind. 

STORMS: Who you callin' blind, MIKE? 

MN: Uh, no one. 

STORMS: Yeah, I thought so. 

[Balling his fist, Doe slugs Lorigan in the mouth a few times, then drags him to his feet, only to slug him twice more. He whips Lorigan towards the ropes, but the Irishman reverses. Doe re-reverses, however, and Lorigan is sent into the ropes. Doe hits the opposite ropes and leaps for the Amnesia Attack, but Lorigan drops to the mat and rolls. Doe overshoots him, colliding in midair with the referee!] 

DT: OH! Lorigan ducks the Amnesia Attack, sending Doe FLYING into referee Pat Jones! 

MN: Jones is completely out - hey, where's Storms going? 

[As Doe comes to his feet and attempts to revive the official, Bryan Storms leaves the announce table and slides into the ring. He grabs Doe from behind and kicks him, then heaves him up and KILLS him with the corkscrew Death Valley Driver known as the Red Tide Rising! Doe hits the mat in a prone heap, and Storms slides out of the ring, heading to the back with a smirk on his face!] 

DT: WHAT THE - STORMS JUST HIT DOE WITH THE RED TIDE RISING!!! 

MN: HAH!!! KILLED HIM!!! 

[Lorigan comes to his feet, looking out at Storms and down at Doe. The official, meanwhile, is recovering. With a shrug, Lorigan drops and lays across Doe as referee Pat Jones makes the count.] 

DT: Dammit, Lorigan with the cover! One! Two! Three! 

MN: It's over! 

DT: Lorigan wins, but it's thanks to Bryan Storms! 

[SFX: *DINGDINGDING* - Bell rings.] 

TONY FATORA: Here is your winner... AODHAAAAAAANNNNNN.. LOOOOOOOOOOORIGAAAAAAANNNNNNN!!! 

DT: A successful debut for Lorigan, but you have to believe that the issue between John Doe and Bryan Storms is far from over! 

MN: What can I say? Doe was askin' for it. 

DT: Mike, he was wrestling a match and Storm interfered! 

MN: Like I said... Askin' for it. 

DT: *sigh* Folks, we've got to take a break, but when we come back it's tag-team action! Second Coming! Golem and X-Ecutioner! NEXT!