DT: As always, we are BACK!
MN: Speak for yourself. I'm front.
DT: Last week, our next two combatants learned that they would be the number one contenders to the World and Intercontinental Titles, respectively. Tonight, here in Tampa, these two fine athletes square off. It’s Beast, it’s Marx, and it is NOW!
MN: RAAAAAAAAAAHHHHRRRR!!!!
DT: You always ruin the mood.
MN: It’s what I do best.
DT: Tony, you’re on.
TF: The following match is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first...
[CUE UP: “Only Happy When it Rains” by Garbage as the crowd erupts in a wave a boos for the 2003 FW Illustrated Rookie of the Year, who walks out on the ramp with his usual look of smug confidence and ambles to the ring where he awaits his opponent.]
TF:...He hails from Princeton, New Jersey and weighs in at 215 pounds and is the NUMBER ONE CONTENDER to Adam Benjamin’s Intercontinental Championship.... “THEEEEEEE GEEEEEENTLEMAAAAANN” JONATHAAAAAAAAAAAAAN MAAAAAAAAAARRRRXXXXXX!!!!
[“Only Happy When it Rains” fades out and the arena lights fade down to darkness, then slowly come back up in deep blue as the sound of chanting monks fill the arena, and the video screens light up with "BEAST" flashing in different styles and colors of text, mixed in with video clips of Beast executing various moves on his opponents. The chanting monks play for about 15 seconds, then fade into Nickelback's "Figure You Out", and as the opening guitar chords hit, a blast of red and white pyro go off around the stage area, then Beast walks through the smoke down the ramp and to the ring. Once in the ring, Beast salutes the fans by touching his fist to his chest over his heart a couple times before raising his hand in the air.]
TF:...his opponent is the NUMBER ONE CONTENDER to the Heavyweight Championship of the World. He hails from Winnipeg...Manitoba...Canada, weighs in at 290 pounds, and is accompanied to the ring by Lindsay Troy ... THIS ... IS ... BEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSTTTTTT!!!!!
[SFX: DING]
DT: Marx is off and running. He charges at Beast...and gets LEVELED with a quick clothesline from Beast! Marx pops up, and Beast SHOVES him back down to the ground. The big Manitoban is making his 75 pound weight advantage very evident in the opening moments of this one.
MN: He’s got the only advantage you need...LINDSAY!!!
DT: Pervert. Just pay attention to the match.
MN: But I don’t WANNA!!!! It’s not fair!!!
DT: God, you’re petulant.
[Marx gets up again, but this time Beast meets him with a knee to the face and an irish whip into the ropes. On the rebound, Beast catches Marx with a back body drop. Beast pins, and Marx kicks out at one and a half. Beast tries for the irish whip again, but Marx counters it into a high impact neckbreaker!]
DT: “The Gentleman” with a demonstration of his mat excellence...
MN:...and proof that he’s actually alive! Whoa! That would be creepy!
DT: What?
MN: Wrestling a dead guy.
DT: Oy. Marx now off the ropes, and a flying crossbody block! Both men up, and another crossbody by Marx! Beast rises again, and Marx comes off the ropes with a THIRD flying crossbody!!! Marx is using his quickness to counter Beast’s size advantage.
MN: If Marx wins, will that make him the “Emperaaaaaahhhhrrr”?.
DT: Yes. I mean no. Oh god, just be quiet.
[Thomas pulls out some construction paper and a 64-pack of Crayola crayons.]
MN: What’s that?
DT: Saved this for an emergency. Here, keep yourself busy.
[As Neely draws, Marx sends Beast into the turnbuckle and charges, nailing him with a reverse elbow smash. Beast wobbles out of the corner, and Marx sends his face crashing into the mat with a drop toe hold, then applies a Boston Crab.]
DT: Marx is employing the age-old strategy of keeping the bigger man from reaching his vertical base. He’s wrenching back on that Crab, but Beast is palming the mat and he...has...BROKEN THE HOLD!!!! Beast powers out and sends Marx staggering to the corner!
MN: Look what I drew.
[Neely has drawn a very detailed picture of Lindsay Troy in a not-so-flattering outfit.]
DT: OKAY, NO MORE CRAYONS FOR YOU!!!
MN: Whaddya want me to do now, Burgerboy?
DT: Fine. Just help me call the match, like your getting paid to do.
[Enraged at his lapse in judgment, Beast charges Marx looking for a clothesline, but Marx ducks under and, combined with Beast’s momentum, sends the bigger man through the top two ropes and out of the ring, where he collides with the barricade. Marx sets himself up on the apron and takes off with an elbow drop, but Beast quickly rises and slams Marx’s head into the security barrier. He picks up the groggy Princetonian and rams his back into the steel pole on the corner of the ring.]
MN: That NEVER feels good.
DT: Marx’s back felt the full impact of that steel, and now Beast has flung Jonathan Marx back into the ring to stop the 10 count. Beast grabs Jonathan’s arm, and he whips him straight into a knee lift!
MN: I think Jon just got the wind knocked out of him by that one.
DT: Beast hoists Marx into the air...BRAINBUSTER!!! The pin...
ONE...
TWO...
THRNOOOOOOO!!!!! Jonathan Marx escaped by the skin of his teeth right there, but you gotta wonder how much longer he can last against Beast.
MN: Hmmmmm...7 minute, 14 seconds?
DT: What?
MN: Just a guess.
[Beast wastes no time getting back to work, picking up Marx and driving him forcefully to the mat with a powerslam. He sends Marx off the ropes again, this time lifting him high in the air and bringing him back down with a stiff spinebuster that audibly shakes the ring. He pins, but gets naught but another two count. He pulls Marx from his position on the mat and kicks him in the gut, then applying the double underhook.]
DT: Absolution coming up...
MN: Well, not quite 7:14.
DT: He lifts Marx UP, but Marx turns it into a Samurai Driver!!! What a counter by Jonathan Marx! He brings Beast up, rear waistlock applied – Beast reverses – GERMAN SU-WAIT!!! Marx schoolboys Beast! The count...
ONE...
TWO...
NO!!!! Beast was taken by surprise, but no enough to lose this encounter!!
[Both men get up, and Marx tries to assert his advantage by chop blocking Beast, who flips over and lands on his back. He rises, but Marx again takes the legs out from under him, this time applying an Indian Deathlock.]
MN: Eh. Beast has the RAAAHR to power him, he’ll get out.
DT: Marx is clamping on that hold, making sure that even if he doesn’t submit, Beast’ll have a good deal of trouble walking for the rest of tonight. Beast is making his way towards that bottom rope and...he...grabs it with his right hand!!! Marx must release the Indian Deathlock!
MN: See. Told ya.
DT: I know, Mike. Jonathan Marx is wasting no time in keeping the pressure on the number one contender to the World Title. Marx with a standing facelock, and a quick snap suplex! Marx to the second rope, shades of fellow NFW wrestler Jean Rabesque here. Second Rope Elbow...CONNECTS!!!!
ONE...
TWO...
THRBEAST KICKS OUT!!!!!
MN: I’m telling you. It’s not enough. Plus, Lindsay won’t let her man get pinned.
DT: Marx brings Beast up...RUSSIAN LEGSWEEP!!! To the second rope again, Guillotine Legdrop...AND JONATHAN MARX WENT TO THE WELL ONCE TOO OFTEN!!! Beast moved out of the way and Marx ended up on his, well...
MN: SAY IT BURGERMAN!!! A(BLEEP)!
DT: This is why I hate you so much.
MN: Yeah. It’s a gift.
[Beast gets up and grabs at Marx’s hair, then throws his opponent into the corner shoulder first, his arm impacting the steel pole again. He pulls Marx back from the corner and applies the full nelson, then sends Jonathan flying across the squared circle with a textbook dragon suplex.]
MN: AIR MAIL!!!!
DT: Beast has taken the momentum back, and he’s a house afire! Military Press by Beast, and he just DROPS Jonathan Marx to the mat face-first. And with Beast’s long arms, and they way he just TOSSED him into the air, Marx had to have fallen 10, 11 feet right there! Beast now, off the ropes...RUNNING FIST DROP...BUT MARX GETS OUT OF THE WAY!!!
MN: His fist just put a DENT in the canvas!
DT: Marx now, stalking Beast...INSIDE CRADLE!!!!
ONE...
TWO...
THREEEE!!!! NO! NO! Beast got out in the nick of time and...BACKSLIDE on Marx!
ONE...
TWO...
THRNOOOOO!!! These two are trading near falls one after another!
MN: Can we get a time-out, or intermission, or something? This action is tiring me out.
DT: Beast is up, and he’s backing Marx into the corner. He grabs the middle rope, and LAUNCHES his right shoulder into Marx’s midsection! He rears back, and NAILS HIM AGAIN!!! Pulls back ONE MORE TIME...
MN:...This won’t be good for Beastie.
DT:Marx VAULTS onto the top rope and Beast catches the steel with his shoulder. Marx sits on the top turnbuckle, and he comes off with a Victory Roll!
ONE...
TWO...
NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Beast used the bottom rope to pull himself out of that pinning predicament!
MN: And the hits just keep on coming here in Tampa, FLA.
DT: Marx with a forearm smash...and the BIG BACK SUPLEX plants Beast on the mat! He picks him up again...REVERSE IMPLANT DDT!!!! Beast is down!!! Marx lords over him, and he signals to the crowd for the Marxism, and they DO NOT like that!
MN: All hail the Emperaaaaaahhhrrr!
DT: Grabs the right leg, and Beast just smashes him in the face with it to break up the opportunity!!! Marx took just a little bit too long to set that one up, and Beast took advantage.
MN: I’ll take advantage of something.
DT: NOT AGAIN!
[Beast begins stomping into Marx, impacting him with a dozen shots with his big boots before Jonathan staggers away into the corner and grabs the bottom rope. Beast stands over him and tries to pull Marx up, but he is met with several forearms to the midsection as Marx stands up. He tries to irish whip Beast, but is countered and Beast drops him with a rough Northern Lights Suplex.]
DT: Beast continues to use that superior size and strength to overpower the smaller Marx. He has him in a standing headscissors...and an absolutely BRUTAL powerbomb downs Marx yet again. The cover, and this one is probably over...
ONE...
TWO...
THREEEEE!!!! IT’S OVER!!! WAIT! WAIT! The official is saying Marx got his shoulder up just before the third slap of the mat, and I can’t believe it!
MN: Hey, he’s royalty!
DT: Beast is livid, and he’s gonna try and put Marx away quickly now. He brings him to vertical suplex position, suplex into the spinebuster coming up...BUT MARX floats over!!! Full nelson applied...LEGSWEEP FACEBUSTER!!! The Marxism STF is now locked in!!!
MN: Gotta love pro wrestling. Just a couple of minutes ago, he was completely dead!
DT: Beast is struggling to those ropes, but he’s tired after this long struggle with Marx! 20 seconds now...25...30...35...Beast STILL crawling towards those ropes!!! 50 SECONDS in the Marxism...and...BEAST...MAKES IT TO THE BOTTOM ROPE!!!!! But, how long will Beast be able to keep it up?
MN: I’d tell you, but then I’d have to kill you.
DT: Marx setting up a suplex variation...blocked by Beast!!! He hoists him up...JACKHAMMER!!! Brings him up again...SUPLEX INTO THE SPINEBUSTER!!! Beast is going to town, and now he’s calling for the Absolution! Double underhook...and the Tiger Driver ’91 with ATTITUDE!!!
ONE...
TWO...
THREEEEEEEEE!!!! NO!!!! NO!!! HOW IN THE WORLD DID MARX KICK OUT?
MN: HOLY F(BLEEP)ING HELL!!!
DT: Jonathan Marx is showing a ton of resiliency tonight, but there’s not much left in the tank. Beast double underhooks again...A SECOND ABSOLUTION!!!! And now, Beast isn’t even bothering with the pin, he locks in the Judas Cradle!!! Marx is in pain, and is damn near unconscious!
MN: Well, I think the momentum shifted.
DT: Beast releases the hold, and now he double underhooks Marx AGAIN!!! Pulls him up...ABSOLUTION ONE MORE TIME!!!
MN: Ya know, just for insurance.
DT: The pin...
ONE...
TWO...
THREEEEEEEEEEE!!!! And this time it’s for real, as Jonathan Marx isn’t even MOVING after putting up an unbelievable fight, but in the end he was unable to hold up to the momentum of Christian Sands’ number one rival.
FATORA: The winner of the match via pinfall....BEEEEEEEAAAAAAASSSSTTT!!!!!!
DT: What a match between these two, as Beast sends yet another message to Christian Sands - he's here, he's pissed, and he's coming to take the title!
MN: Big deal! Raahr-Boy lost to Sands once already, and history always repeats itself, especially when you're a Neanderthal like Beast!
DT: I wouldn't count on it, Mike. In any case, folks, we're out of time! For Mike Neely, I'm Dave Thomas, and this has been Aggression! Tune in next week for the tag-team qualifying matches and MORE hot action! Goodnight!
[Fade to credits, then to black.]