TF: The following contest is a non-title match!
[Cue up the unmistakable opening riff of "Heartbreaker" by Led Zeppelin. The curtains fling open and The Queen of the Ring, Lindsay Troy, steps from the back with a not-too-satisfied look on her face.]
DT: The Queen certainly isn't happy tonight, Mike.
MN: Well, one night in a hotel room with me and she will!
DT: I don't think 45 seconds of not-as-hot action with you will make up for the fact that Troy is wrestling Jonathan Marx and the Intercontinental Championship isn't on the line.
MN: I'm sure most women, even fierce competitors like Queenie, would rather get it on with me than wrestle, but point taken.
[Troy enters the ring and leans back on the far ropes, staring out into the arena. "Only Happy When It Rains" then hits on the PA and the Intercontinental Champion, Jonathan Marx steps out from the rear. He strides down to the ring with an uneasy look on his face.]
DT: You'd think Marx is going in there to wrangle with the Reaper the look he has on his face.
MN: Well, dimwit, Troy is his friend, and anyone would take fighting a friend tough. But you wouldn't know about that since you got no friends.
DT: Let's not go there.
[Marx enters the ring and hands the Intercontinental Championship belt to the ref who gives it to Tony Fatora on the outside. Marx and Troy head to the middle of the ring and the bell sounds. Marx extends his hand to Troy, who shoots him a look that would kill a lesser man.]
LT: Cut the crap, Jon.
[Marx shrugs it off, and they grapple. Troy gets the early advantage, wrangling Marx into a side headlock. Marx wiggles and shoves Troy from off him. The Queen stumbles forward, turns around, but doesn't bounce off the ropes. She nods at Marx as if to say "good show."
The two grapple up again, and this time it's Marx with the advantage with a go-behind to a rear waistlock. Troy now has to struggle to get free, and she counters going into a rear waistlock of her own. Marx goes to elbow Troy to free himself, but is mindful of his promise not to strike the Queen in her face. He stops and then wiggles free himself, getting back into the aggressor's position. Marx goes for a back body drop, but Troy flips herself over, landing on her feet. She pushes Marx forward, and the champion turns around and bounces off the ropes. He goes for a clothesline, but Troy ducks. On the rebound Troy goes for a crucifix, but Marx tosses her off before she can establish the hold. They turn around and face each other, as the crowd respectfully claps for the back and forth display.]
DT: Solid wrestling display from these two elite Empire superstars.
[Troy and Marx lock up again. This time, the champion catches the Queen with a knee to the abdominal area. Troy bends over slightly, but Marx makes her stand right straight up again with one knife-edge chop...]
Crowd: WOOOO!
[...and another...]
Crowd: WOOOO!
[...and one final one...]
Crowd: WOOOO!
[...before Troy falls to the canvas.]
DT: Well, there goes those knife-edge chops that Marx promised.
MN: Well, if I were him, I'd have reached a little lower and was a little more gentle...
DT: Please, this is a family show!
[Marx sits Troy up for the bow and arrow hold and locks the move in. He doesn't have it in for more than a few moments before Troy forces her way out. She gets to her feet and lunges for Marx's throat, but Marx dodges and takes her down in a Fujiwara armbar. He has the hold locked in for a bit, but Lindsay gets to the ropes. Marx breaks immediately.]
DT: Marx's strategy so far seems to be to wear down Troy.
MN: Then why not rent a motel room?
DT: I think maybe because Marx might get worn down before Troy?
MN: Good point.
[Marx and Troy both get up. The Intercontinental Champion goes for another hard chop, but Troy blocks it and sends a martial arts palm strike right to the bottom of Marx's jaw. As Marx jerks his head back, Troy sends a chop right to Marx's chest. She then grabs Marx's arm, tosses him off the ropes and on the rebound, fluidly hits him with a roundhouse heel kick. Marx falls to the ground while Troy lands on her feet. Troy goes up to Marx's head and drives a knee into his skull. She covers...
1...
...but she can only get that, and just barely.
Troy goes to pick up Marx, but he suddenly grabs her and rolls her up in a small package...
1...
...but Troy just as quickly kicks out.]
DT: This is as tight a wrestling match as you can get so far.
[Both competitors get up and shake out their cobwebs. An overzealous would-be challenger Troy lunges at Marx, but the wily champion grabs her, whips her off the ropes and hits her with a big spinebuster, rolling seamlessly into a cover...
1...
2...
...but Troy kicks out again.
Marx picks Troy up, but Troy chops Marx in his chest once, twice, thrice. She whips him off the ropes and then counters with a face-plant right to the knee. Marx hops back, holding his face, but lunges right back forward. The Queen anticipates this and counters him with a double-arm DDT. She covers...
1...
2...
But Marx kicks out.]
DT: This match is split right down the middle.
MN: You should expect that. These two know each other too well.
[Troy picks Marx back up, but Marx shoves her off and hits her with a hard chop to the chest. He hits her with another chop, and then kicks her in the gut to stop her reverse momentum. As she's doubled over, Marx grabs her and plants her with a gourdbuster. He covers...
1...
2...
...but Troy kicks out.
Marx pounds the mat and picks Troy up again. He goes for a vertical suplex, but Troy counters it with a small package...
1...
...but Marx quickly kicks out. Marx and Troy get up at about the same time, and Troy bolts in with a lightning-fast strike to Marx's skull. She then follows that up with a clothesline that sends Marx to the canvas. She picks Marx up and slams him back down to the canvas with a double underhook face plant. She covers...
1...
2...
...but Marx kicks out.
Troy goes to pick Marx up, but once again, he chops her and backs her off.]
DT: I can't believe how Marx is still hanging on, or how Troy keeps coming back after she gets in danger. I don't think either one of them wants to lose this match.
MN: Duh, what else you gonna tell us next, that Paul Freeman and Dan Ryan like making money?
[As Troy is reeling, Marx grabs her and hits her with a butterfly suplex. As she's prone on the ground, Marx drives one knee, another knee, another knee and a fourth knee across her chest above her breasts.]
DT: Marx looks to be going for the kill here!
[Marx picks Troy up and grabs her in a front waistlock. He then snaps back and hits Troy with a big belly-to-belly suplex. He covers...
1...
2...
Th...
...no! Troy kicks out.]
DT: That was close!
[Marx slaps the mat again and picks Troy up. He goes for another belly-to-belly, but Troy muscles in an elbow to Marx's face. Marx breaks the front waistlock and Troy nails him with another elbow. She then kicks him in the gut and nails him with a DDT. Not content with that, Troy picks Marx up and chops him successively across the chest again. She whips him off the ropes and on the rebound, grabs him in a cobra clutch. As she has the hold locked in, she steps aside and hits him with a variant on the Russian leg sweep. Troy rises and stands right at the side of the prone Marx. She jumps and...]
DT: OH MY LORD! STANDING SHOOTING STAR PRESS ON MARX!
[Troy covers...
1...
2...
Thr...
...but Marx BARELY kicks out.]
DT: Oh man! I thought Troy had that match won there!
MN: Me too!
[The Queen gets up and picks Marx up, who wobbles like he's drunk. Troy ascends the top and motions the throat-slash as she jumps...]
DT: CROWNING GLORY?
[But right at the last second before she's able to grab hold for the DDT, Marx falls out of the way.]
DT: Marx just saved major face and perhaps the victory there!
[Troy falls HARD on the canvas on her belly. Marx gets up, shakes the cobwebs out, notices Troy on the ground and...]
DT: MARXISM! MARXISM! He's got Troy locked up in his patent submission!
MN: Oh man, I don't know how he does it or how much he even has left in his tank!
[Troy reaches for the ropes, but Marx keeps the hold locked in hard. Troy inches for the ropes, trying her damnedest to get there. She reaches and reaches, ropes so close, but the pressure from the hold almost becoming unbearable.]
MN: She's gonna tap! She's gonna tap! Marx wins!
DT: I don't know, she's close, she's close, and... SHE'S GOT IT!
[Troy grabs the ropes, and the Gentleman relinquishes the hold. He slams the mat in disgust as the Queen takes a small breather. Marx goes over to Troy and Troy nails him with a low blow out of the view of the ref.]
DT: Christ on the cross! That was cheap!
MN: Hey, all's fair in love and war, and that match in there is nothing short of a war!
[Marx doubles over and Troy gets up slowly. Marx attempts to straighten up, but Troy clubs him in the back. She gets him in the double underhook, and...]
DT: FINAL JUDGEMENT! FINAL JUDGEMENT!
[Troy covers...
1...
2...
...Marx gets his foot on the ropes...
...but the ref doesn't see it...
...3!!]
[SFX: *DING* - Bell rings.]
TF: Here is your winnerrrr... LLLLLLINDSAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYY... TROOOOOOOOOOOOOYYYYYYYYY!!!
DT: I can't believe it! Lindsay Troy just stole that match from Jonathan Marx!
MN: Stole, schmole. Just because that ref came from the Boogie Smallz school of pinfall counting doesn't mean it's a stolen win.
DT: That's just... horrible. Folks, we've got to cut to a commercial, but when we come back, the World Title will be on the line! Stay tuned!
[Cut to a commercial for Chef Boyardee.]