DT: Welcome back to the show! Folks, our main event tonight is the Empire Royal Rumble, the first match of its kind in Empire Pro. Let's take it down to Tony Fatora to explain the rules!
TONY FATORA: Th' following contest is the EMPIRE ROYAL RUMBLE! The rules are as follows! Two men will begin in the ring! Every two minutes another competitor will be added to the match! Eliminations are under over-the-top-rope rules! Th' winner will win a shot at the IN-tercontinental Championship at Wrestletopia!
[Blue mist seeps into the arena, blue strobe lighting flashes around. The Hives 'Main Offender' plays loudly. Blu creeps out mysteriously and crawls (literally) towards the ring. He flips over the top rope to the boos of the crowd. Takes a gulp of a blue alchoholic liquid.]
TONY FATORA: Introducing first... BLUUUUUUUUUUUU... THUUUUUUUUUUUNDAROUUUUUUUUSSSSSSS!!!
["X Gonna Give It To You" by DMX blares over the loudspeaker as the lights go down. Time passes, strobe lights light up the entrance way and everyone is looking around for X, but he is no where to be found. After a few more seconds, a commotion seems to be erupting in the crowd. X appears in the crowd carrying his patented black steel chair marked with a white X and wrapped in barbed wire. He stands on a chair or anything he can find in the crowd and while still holding his chair in his right hand, he crosses his arms to make an X. He fights his way through the crowd, hops the barrier, and rolls into the ring. He starts banging on the ropes with the chair and then proceeds to make the same X gesture while standing on the middle of the ropes.]
TONY FATORA: Also introducing... ECCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKSSSSSSSSSS!!!
[SFX: *DING* - Bell rings.]
DT: And the rumble is under way - and X starting with a VENGEANCE, as he's just going OFF on Blu Thundarous with huge right hands!
MN: Blu's huge, but Wilbur's just going NUTS on him! FEAR THE INTENSITY!
DT: X slugging Blu in the corner... brings him out with a neckbreaker and down goes the big man! Now X with the elbow drop as he looks to take control early!
MN: Blu barely felt it!
DT: Oh dear! Blu Thundarous gets up as if he barely felt it - BUT X DROPKICKS HIM RIGHT IN THE FACE AND KNOCKS HIM BACK INTO THE CORNER!
MN: HANG TIME!
DT: Now X going for the legs! Trying to lift Blu Thundarous up and over the corner... Blu fighting it! Now Blu slugging X down to his knees! JUDO KICK - X hits the mat and the kick whiffs!
MN: Quick thinking!
DT: The big man trying to catch X with a leg drop - Nobody home! X sidesteps and kicks Blu right in the teeth, and the big man is down!
MN: X is doing pretty well for himself. I'd have thought he'd have a rough time outside hardcore matches.
DT: It seems the intensity of X has carried over into this contest as he pulls Blu Thundarous up by the hair... HARD European uppercut rocks the big man! X with the Irish whip - CLOTHESLINE against the ropes, but Blu holds on and stays in the ring!
MN: It's only a matter of time, though. He's not getting in ANY offense at ALL!
DT: There's another whip by X - no, Blu reverses and reels X in for a big knee lift! Chops by the big man, and he wheels X into the corner. Body splash - NO, X dodges and Blu hits the top turnbuckle!
[CROWD: 5... 4... 3... 2... 1...]
[SFX: *BUZZ*]
MN: Who's out next?
DT: ...It's JA, the Anglo Luchador! And here comes the Anglo Luchador, sliding under the bottom rope... OOH, spinning heel kick for Blu Thundarous! Now throwing the big man against the ropes... JA grabs one leg... X the other... Lifting... AND BLU THUNDAROUS GOES OVER THE TOP!!!
[SFX: *DING*]
TONY FATORA: BLU THUNDAROUS HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!
DT: It's JA and X now! Both men squaring off... There's the tie-up... JA into the headlock, but X pushes him into the ropes and tries for a clothesline! JA ducks... REBOUNDS with the running dropkick!
MN: That was pretty crisp, too! I like this Jerich-
DT: AHEM! COPYRIGHT!
MN: I mean, uh, JA.
DT: X up now... JA with the boot to the gut of X, underhooking his arms... SCORES with the butterfly suplex! X rolling into the corner to regroup, but JA catches him with the running back elbow!
MN: Man, Wilbur's getting pwned now.
DT: JA whips X out of the corner... X boosts himself up onto the opposite turnbuckle... FLIES off with a crossbody, taking JA down!
MN: He caught a LOT of hangtime on that baby!
DT: X now slugging away at the face of JA on the canvas! GRABS AHOLD OF HIS MASK - NO, JA grabs him and slams his face off the mat! JA to his feet... BASEMENT DROPKICK to the head of X!
MN: Poor Wilbur... JA just clocked him in da grill, yo.
DT: Indeed, it looks like the Anglo Luchador is firmly in control as he whips X into the ropes... NO, X with the big shoulder block! X running the ropes now... ELBOW DROP... nobody home!
MN: Quick thinking by JA, avoiding the elbow.
[CROWD: 5... 4... 3... 2... 1...]
[SFX: *BUZZ*]
DT: There's the buzzer - and here comes Sebastian Dodd!
MN: That man is my hero.
DT: Dodd in now - grabs X from behind and SCORES with the bulldog! JA taking cover in the corner as Dodd begins stomping the life out of X!
MN: Dodd's on fire!
DT: You can see the intensity in Sebastian Dodd's eyes as he sweeps X to his feet... oh, DRIVEN DDT by Sebastian Dodd dropping X right on his head! Dodd gets up - AND JA TAKES HIM DOWN WITH A NECKBREAKER DROP!
MN: Ooooooh, it's on, biatch.
DT: Dodd's up, and he looks FURIOUS! RIGHT hand for JA! JA with a big right for Dodd! Dodd now! JA! Dodd! JA!
MN: They be sluggin', they be sluggin'!
DT: Both men just POUNDING on each other - X GRABS THEM AND SLAMS THEIR HEADS TOGETHER! Now X taking JA by the mask and whipping him OVER THE ROPES - NO, JA HOLDS ON! X doesn't see him! He thinks he's won!
MN: He's skinnin' the cat!
DT: JA skinning the cat! JA's still in the match! X slugging away at Dodd - JA grabs him from behind and DRILLS him with a back suplex! Now picks X up - SLAMS him against the turnbuckles and starts chopping away!
MN: WOOOO!
DT: Whip out of the corner from JA - DODD LEAPFROGS X AND AVALANCHES ONTO JA WITH A HUGE BODY SPLASH! WHAT A MOVE BY SEBASTIAN DODD!!!
[CROWD: HE'S OUR HE-RO! *clap clap clapclapclap* HE'S OUR HE-RO! *clap clap clapclapclap*]
DT: This crowd definitely appreciating the athleticism of Sebastian Dodd here! Now Dodd chopping away at JA in the corner! Whips him out - JA reverses and sends Dodd face-first into X in the opposite corner! Dodd looks stunned - and X HEADBUTTS him down, then CLOTHESLINES JA hard!
MN: I can't even tell who's winning!
[CROWD: 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!]
[SFX: *BUZZ*]
DT: It's Braden Kincaid! Here comes Kincaid, running full-tilt down the ramp!
MN: Oh, HIM.
DT: Kincaid in now - AND X IMMEDIATELY SLAMS HIM DOWN WITH A BULLDOG!!!
MN: Talk about a warm welcome!
DT: Now Kincaid up - X POUNDING him with HUGE rights and lefts! Wheels him into the corner - Dodd GRABS Kincaid out of the corner and SIDESLAMS him with auTHORity!
MN: Poor Kincaid. He's playing whipping-boy.
DT: Braden Kincaid is REELING - but Dodd doesn't care, as he NAILS X with a sidekick! X goes down! JA now pounding Kincaid against the turnbuckles!
MN: It's a brawl-for-all!
DT: X shoved into the corner by Seb Dodd! Your Hero trying to get X up and over, but X won't budge! JA lifts Kincaid and lays in the HUGE chops! Kincaid nearly bucked over the turnbuckle!
MN: Those things are like a sledgehammer to the chest!
DT: Here goes JA with the Irish whip... Kincaid sent across the ring to bounce out of the corner, and JA NAILS him with a neckbreaker on the rebound! What a combo!
MN: JA's shown me something here, Dave.
DT: What's that?
MN: I don't know, but I'm supposed to say stuff like that.
DT: *sigh*
MN: Whaaaaat!
DT: Dodd still fighting with X... now JA trying to fight Kincaid over the ropes...
[CROWD: 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!]
[SFX: *BUZZ*]
DT: IT'S KARL BROWN! KARL BROWN IS THE NEXT ENTRANT! Brown striding PURPOSEFULLY down to the ring... slides in... walks right across and JUMPS OUT OVER THE TOP ROPE TO THE FLOOR?!?!
[SFX: *DING*]
TONY FATORA: KARL BROWN HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!
MN: Uh, what the hell?
DT: I don't believe this! Karl Brown just eliminated himself and is walking to the back!
MN: I can't believe what's gotten into Karl Brown! This guy usually LOVES to compete, but there he is, forfeiting a match without a care in the world! Maybe Sands was right when he said Brown couldn't handle the pressure!
DT: That's a damn lie! I guarantee you that Brown can handle it - WAITAMINUTE, JA whips Kincaid into the ropes - AND DROPKICKS HIM OVER THE TOP ROPE AND DOWN TO THE FLOOR!!
[SFX: *DING*]
TONY FATORA: BRADEN KINCAID HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!
DT: It's down to Dodd, X, and JA once again! JA helping Dodd with X in the corner - hold on, someone's here at our broadcast position!
DM: Easy, Burgerdude. It's just the Show Stealer.
MN: Hey, it's Dean Matthews! 'Sup, pimp!
DM: Nothin' much, homefry. Just comin' down to get a front row seat. Oh yeah, and, uh, STEALTH no-showed, so we've got a mystery entrant in the Rumble.
DT: A mystery entrant?
DM: Yeah. Keep your eyes open for him.
DT: I will, I will. Hold on - X fighting Dodd and JA in the corner! SLUGS them both - SCORES with a double bulldog! JA up first! X WHEELS him into the corner! BODY SPLASH!
MN: X is on FIRE!
DM: Thing about X is that he can do it all. He can fight, he can go high-risk, he can use the tools of the trade. He's my favorite wrestler in this match.
DT: *cough* High praise. X hammering JA in the corner! Trying to push him over!
[CROWD: 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!]
[SFX: *BUZZ*]
DT: It's... RAY ROCK?!
MN: Ray Rock is in this match?!
DM: Yeah, we threw him in to even it out to ten guys.
DT: Rock sliding into the ring... and gets DECKED by Sebastian Dodd, who now hammers JA in the back! HUGE German suplex by Dodd rocks JA, and this crowd is on its feet cheering Your Hero on!
DM: I see a lot of potential in Sebastian Dodd. He reminds me of me before Adlai King destroyed my ACL.
DT: Dodd whipping X into the ropes... X tumbles over but holds onto the top rope!
MN: Ooooh, close.
DT: X skinning the cat... DODD DROPKICKS HIM IN MID-SKIN AND X GOES TUMBLING TO THE FLOOR!
[SFX: *DING*]
TONY FATORA: X HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!
DM: SH*BEEEEEEEP*!
DT: DEAN! FAMILY SHOW!
MN: Hahaha. Someone besides me getting the Burgerman Lecture.
DM: Damn! He almost had it!
DT: Dodd now going to work on Ray Rock! Picks him up - BUT JA DROPKICKS DODD IN THE FACE AND WHEELS ROCK OVER THE ROPE WITH EASE!
[SFX: *DING*]
TONY FATORA: RAY ROCK HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!
MN: Talk about fast and furious eliminations!
[CROWD: 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!]
[SFX: *BUZZ*]
DT: IT'S KIN HIROSHI!!! HERE COMES JAPANESE THUNDER!!!
MN: AWWWWWWW YEEEEEEEEAH!!! HIROSHI ROCKS!!!
DT: Hiroshi in, NAILING JA with a crescent kick! JA goes down hard, but kips up! SNAP suplex by Hiroshi to JA! The Anglo Luchador is hurting in there as Hiroshi hits a SECOND snap suplex!
DM: That's the Kin Hiroshi advantage. He's so quick but so well-versed in wrestling psychology and technique. The man knowns his rasslin'.
DT: That can't be denied, Dean. Hiroshi moving on to Dodd - BELLY-TO-BELLY for Sebastian Dodd! JA to his feet - Hiroshi LEAPS onto the ropes! SOARS OFF WITH THE MOONSAULT PRESS AND TAKES JA DOWN!
MN: WOOOO! GO HIROSHI!!!
DT: Dodd to his feet in the corner - Hiroshi with the chops, but Dodd fires back! Reverses Hiroshi into the corner and hammers away! MONKEY FLIP by Dodd rocks Japanese Thunder!
DM: Like I said, I like Dodd. The man's the perfect wrestler. Quick and very technically sound.
MN: You like him because he wrestles how you did!
DM: I cannot deny that which is the truth.
DT: Now Hiroshi to his feet - OH, HUGE BACK SUPLEX TO HIROSHI BY SEB DODD! WAIT - JA UP ON THE TOP ROPE - FLYING LEGDROP ONTO DODD!!!
[CROWD: J-A! J-A! J-A! J-A!]
DT: This crowd chanting for JA, as he's ALL fired up! He's beckoning either man to get up! He's like a lion waiting to pounce!
[CROWD: 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!]
[SFX: *BUZZ*]
DT: Here comes Aodhan Lorigan!
MN: Woah, he still wrestles for us?
DT: Lorigan in! RUSHES JA - BUT JA PUSHES HIM AND SENDS HIM FLYING OVER THE ROPES TO THE FLOOR!!!
[SFX: *DING*]
TONY FATORA: AODHAN LORIGAN HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!
DM: That's an EPW record. Fastest Elimination Ever.
MN: Man! I thought Lorigan used to be good!
DT: JA taking a moment to pose for the crowd - BUT DODD GRABS HIM FROM BEHIND! SPINS HIM AROUND! KICK - D-O-DDT!!! JA GETS NAILED WITH SEBASTIAN DODD'S FINISHER!!!
MN: OW!!! NAILED HIM!!!
DM: JA's SO done!
DT: Dodd picking up JA! Trying to push him out - BUT HIROSHI GETS UP AND HITS DODD WITH THE REVERSE DDT!
MN: Ooooh, so close!
DT: Dodd and Hiroshi to their feet! Hiroshi laying in the big chops! Dodd fires back with his own chops! Hiroshi SHUTS him down with a kick - AND A HUGE HURRICANRANA! DODD IS REELING!
MN: Hiroshi's on FIRE!
DM: Japanese Thunder just struck Dodd hard!
DT: Hiroshi going to work on JA - but the Anglo Luchador sees him coming! JAWBREAKER BY JA!
[CROWD: 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!]
[SFX: *BUZZ*]
DM: Well, it's been fun, boys...
[Matthews removes the headset.]
DT: What the hell - DEAN MATTHEWS IS IN THE RING! HE'S HIS OWN MYSTERY COMPETITOR!
MN: I thought his ACL was busted!
DT: Either he's lying or insane! Take your pick!
DT: Matthews and JA sizing each other up here! Tie-up! Go-behind by Matthews! TAKEDOWN, and he SLUGS JA in the head repeatedly! Pulls JA up - GERMAN suplex by the Show Stealer!
MN: He's not even showing any signs of ring rust! He was SO bull****ting about his knee!
DT: I don't even know what Matthews is thinking! Could he be trying to recapture his glory days as a headliner in NAW in Virginia?
MN: Hell if I know!
DT: Dodd to his feet now - Locks up with Matthews! Go-behind by Dodd! Now by Matthews with a hammerlock! Dodd reverses to an arm wringer! Matthews turns it into a headlock - BUT DODD BACK-SUPLEXES MATTHEWS HARD!
MN: OUCH!
DT: WAIT! HIROSHI UP ON TOP - FROG SPLASH TO MATTHEWS! THAT'S THE HIROSHI-MA BOMB!!!
MN: HE NAILED IT DEAD ON!!!
DT: Hiroshi trying to roll Matthews out - BUT JA GRABS HIM!!! BOOT TO THE GUT OF HIROSHI!! SETTING UP FOR THE KARELIN DRIVER - BUT DODD DROPKICKS THEM BOTH, SENDING THEM TUMBLING!!!
MN: OUCH! That HAD to hurt!
DT: Now Dodd scooping up Matthews! Chop! Chop - MATTHEWS WITH THE BIG KICK! SCOOPS DODD UP! CALLING FOR THE SHOW STEALER - BUT DODD SLIPS OUT EASILY!!! SCOOPS UP MATTHEWS - AND SLAMS HIM OVER THE ROPES!!!
MN: DOWN TO THE FLOOR! HOLY SCHNITZEL!!!
[SFX: *DING*]
TONY FATORA: DEAN MATTHEWS HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!!!
DT: It's down to Dodd, JA, and Hiroshi again! Hiroshi up - SLUGGING AWAY AT DODD - TAKES HIM DOWN WITH THE DRIVEN DDT! Hiroshi going up top! He's ready for the Hiroshi-Ma Bomb!
MN: Wait, there's JA! Pushing - KNOCKS HIROSHI OFF THE TOP AND TO THE FLOOR!
[SFX: *DING*]
TONY FATORA: KIN HIROSHI HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!!!
DT: And then there were two! Sebastian Dodd and JA the Anglo Luchador! One of these men will walk out with a shot at the IC title!
MN: Looks like JA, because he's CALLING FOR THE KARELIN DRIVER!!!
DT: JA signalling to the crowd! Scoops up a limp Dodd! BRINGS HIM UP!!! OH MY GOD, HE HIT THE KARELIN DRIVER!!!
MN: AGGH! THAT THING IS BRUTAL!!!
DT: DODD HAS GOT TO BE UNCONSCIOUS AFTER THAT!!!
MN: JA WINS! GIVE HIM THE DAMN SHOT!
DT: JA moving Dodd's prone form towards the ropes - but he's tired! He can't get him all the way over!
MN: He's trying!
DT: Dodd's feet are on the apron - AND HE SUDDENLY LATCHES ON TO JA!
MN: He's recovering somehow!
DT: Dodd with a facelock on JA! Trying to pull the Anglo Luchador over the ropes!
MN: JA's fighting it too!
DT: Both men fighting! Dodd pulling... Leaning down... JA SLIPS OVER... AND FALLS TO THE FLOOR!!!
MN: HE'S OUT!!!
[SFX: *DINGDINGDING*]
TONY FATORA: Here is your winnerrr... SEBASTIAAAAAAAAAANNNNN... DOOOOOOOOOOOODD!!!
DT: A huge win for Sebastian Dodd, as he went through nine other men to secure the number one contendership for the IC Title - but it looked for a moment as if JA had it in the bag!
MN: Dodd got lucky. If JA weren't exhausted after that Karelin Driver he'd have dumped Dodd like a dead body.
DT: I think you're right. Folks, that's all the time we have, but tune in next week for more Aggression! Goodnight!
[Fade to credits, then to black.]