[Cue up “Stellar” by Incubus. Enter Sebastian Dodd, who stands at the top of the aisle, looking with disgust at the fans.] 

DT: Here comes the challenger for the Intercontinental Championship, Sebastian Dodd. 

MN: Kenny Lombardo must be proud, seeing his hero get ready to take the Intercontinental Championship. 

DT: You’ve been spending too much time with JA, haven’t you? 

MN: No, but I mean, c’mon, it makes sense that a shrimp like Lombardo would look up to someone as great as Dodd is. 

DM: Dodd IS great. The boy knows his rasslin'. 

[Dodd walks down the aisle, pulling away his hand from each youngster making them think he’s gonna shake it. He enters the ring and his theme song dies down. Cue up “Kashmir” by Led Zeppelin. Out comes Troy Douglas to a moderate pop from the crowd.] 

DT: Troy Douglas, number one contender to the World Championship! But he was pretty absent this week. 

MN: Well, he was helping John Doe train. That’s a noble cause 

DM: You don’t support noble causes, Mike. 

MN: I know. You didn’t let me finish. He’s stupid for taking up such a noble cause. C’mon! You’ve got a shot at Big Loafy! 

[Douglas gets to the ring, and Dodd shoots him a look that could kill.] 

DT: Whoa, do you think that Dodd’s a little peeved for Douglas’ being AWOL this week? 

MN: No, and in other news, I think Elvis is still alive and that the sky is purple. 

DT: Why do you mock me? 

MN: Because it’s fun. 

DM: I concur. 

[Cue up “Only Happy When It Rains” by Garbage. “Gentleman” Jonathan Marx comes out with his Intercontinental Championship slung over his shoulder.] 

DT: Here comes the I-C Champ. He’s not impressed with his challenger in the least. 

MN: Well, he should be. After getting beat by the Queen last week, he ought not to take any challenger lightly! 

[Marx reaches ringside, where he exchanges a few words with Sebastian Dodd. Then, the arena lights go down and the sound of monks chanting comes on the PA. Then, as Chad Kroger sings “I like your pants around your face,” red and white pyro blasts off. Beast comes out of the back, thumping his fist on his chest, World Championship belt tightly around his waist.] 

MN: BIG LOAFY! 

DT: Yes, the World Champion has arrived! It’s time for a fight! 

DM: Why does his music sing about liking peoples' pants down and them on their knees? Perv. 

[Beast heads down to the ring and consults with his partner. They both climb up to the ring apron at the same time and enter the ring.] 

DT: Do you feel that tension in there Mike? You can cut it with a putty knife! 

MN: Oh yeah, we’re gonna see some mother... 

DT: FAMILY SHOW!’ 

MN: ...funking violence in there tonight, baby! And hopefully, Big Loafy is on the receiving end of most of it! 

[Dodd pushes Douglas out of the way as to say “Hey, I’m kicking things off.” Marx and Beast look at each other, and they nod. Surprisingly, Beast is the one who steps forward to kick things off.] 

DT: Wow, Marx deferring here. I’m surprised. You’d think he wants a preview of what he’s going to get at Wrestleverse. 

MN: Well, Marx is a gentleman. Even for someone as unrefined as Big Loafy. 

DT: I don’t know. I’m guessing it’s because Dodd’s gotten under Beast’s skin too this week. I think Beast wants to show Dodd the meaning of the word respect. 

[The bell rings and we’re off. Beast and Dodd lock up, collar and elbow. The Champ gets the early advantage, wrapping his giant right arm around Dodd’s neck.] 

DT: The Champ locks up early. Headlock, cinched in vise-tight. Dodd’s neck is being squeezed. 

DM: You know, that isn’t the worst part. Man, Big Loafy’s BO must be doing a number. 

MN: I can smell it from here! 

DT: BO or not, Dodd pushes Beast out of the hold and off the ropes. Dodd with the clothesline attempt and NO, Beast ducks. On the rebound, Dodd coming at Beast like a locomotive, and, uh-oh! Beast sends him to the canvas with a shoulder block! Looks like the immovable object won out on that exchange. 

MN: Nah, I still think Our Hero is reeling a bit from that pit stank. 

[Dodd gets up and stands back, shaking his head at Beast and then pointing at it. Beast just stares at him, beckoning him to bring it.] 

DT: Beast isn’t impressed. I think he wants Dodd to bring some more. 

DM: Well, he ought to be careful for what he wishes for. About eight other guys underestimated Dodd last week, and Big Loafy is dangerously close to doing the same right now. 

DT: Another collar and elbow tie up, and Beast again with the advantage. Puts in a hammer lock, behind the back. Dodd with one elbow, hits the mark, another one, this time missing. Beast forcibly takes Dodd and tosses him off the ropes. Dodd bounces and... OH MY! Look at that air Dodd just got on the cross-body! 

MN: See, Beast just underestimated the number one contender to the Intercontinental Champion. 

[Dodd takes Beast to the ground with a cross-body and gets right back to his feet. Beast gets up too, but when he gets to all fours, Dodd hurries in with an Oklahoma roll... 

On... 

Dodd doesn’t even get a one count before Beast kicks out.] 

DT: Well, I think Dodd just underestimated the World’s Heavyweight Champion there. A pin attempt that early is just that, early. 

DM: Relax, it’s still a good strategy to wear down Big Loafy. It’s a matter of time before he starts loafing anyway. 

DT: Beast NEVER loafs, Mike. 

MN: Yeah, right. 

DM: Never means always in Burgerman-talk. 

DT: Well, he’s not loafing now, but he’s still got to get to his feet. Dodd quickly behind him and he catches Beast with a bulldog headlock! Dodd is the sparkplug early on here! 

MN: There’s a reason why he’s the number one contender to the I-C title, Davey Boy. 

[Beast gets up and shakes off the bulldog. He looks at Dodd like Dodd just kicked his dog and rushes after him. The Champ comes in with a kick, but Dodd catches it and immediately counters with a dragon screw leg whip into a single crab. Dodd grabs the other leg and completes the Boston crab.] 

DT: Dodd’s got that crab locked in tight. Beast is getting housed in the early going of this match! 

MN: Our Hero is proving to be my hero here! Anyone who can make Big Loafy his ***** like this deserves some props. 

DT: Well, Dodd has that hold locked in, but Beast is pushing up with those massive arms of his, and he’s, oh my Lord, he’s dragging Dodd across the ring with just his arms! Beast reaches the ropes and Dodd breaks the hold in astonishment! 

MN: Jesus Christ, Big Loafy is incredible! It’s got to be performance enhancers! Ref! Spot check! 

DM: Check for zits on his back! 

DT: Oh Christ, what are they going to do, make him pee in a cup in the middle of the ring? 

MN: Yeah, and once he starts peeing green liquid on the spot, he’ll be disqualified! 

[Beast turns around and stares a hole in a still disbelieving Dodd. Dodd starts to beg off, but Beast trucks him with a clothesline. He retreats back to his corner and tags in Jon Marx. Marx heads over to Dodd, who’s just starting to get up.] 

DT: Oh my, this might just heat up here! Marx goes over to the man who’ll challenge him, and... 

MN: Wait, wait, Troy Douglas is distracting the ref! 

DT: You’re right he is and... Dear God! Dodd just nailed Marx with a low blow! The nerve, Dodd gets up and he tags out to Douglas. 

DM: Smart move there by both members of the team. Dodd needs a break after that steroid-enhanced clothesline and Douglas is the freshest guy in the match! 

DT: You’re right, Douglas enters the ring and goes for a clothesline of Marx, but the Gentleman ducks and counters with a hangman’s neckbreaker! Douglas down on the canvas just as soon as he got in the ring. Marx rubs his groin, I think he’s shaken it off, and he goes right for Douglas again as Douglas tries to get to his feet. Marx grabs Douglas and, wow, what a sweet belly-to-belly suplex there! Marx goes over and there it is! Figure four leglock! 

DM: Man, Douglas just seems flat to start the match here. Maybe he was spending too much time training John Doe and forgot he had a match too! 

DT: Well, I can assure you that Troy Douglas won’t make the same mistake again at Wrestleverse, but right now, he’s in a world of trouble. Marx has that figure four locked in tight. Douglas is trying to turn it over, but Marx is resisting, resisting, and Douglas has him turned over! But Marx releases the hold, so it’s for naught. 

MN: No it’s not, Douglas got Marx to relinquish the hold, didn’t he? 

DT: Well yes, and Douglas gets up, but Marx immediately greets him with a DDT. He covers... 

One... 

Two... 

...but Douglas kicks out. 

DM: Barely. 

[Marx goes to pick Douglas up, but the number one contender to the World Title elbows him in the gut and sends him to the mat with a fireman’s carry takeover.] 

DT: Douglas with the crafty counter there, and he stumbles over to his corner, tagging in Sebastian Dodd. Maybe now we’ll get to see that preview of Wrestleverse now! 

MN: Sneak peek! Sneak peek! Ooh, I’m as giddy as a schoolgirl! 

DT: Dodd comes right in and drives a knee into the side of the head of Marx! Man, that was intense! 

MN: We’re gonna have a new I-C Champ at Wrestleverse! 

[Marx holds his head and rolls over on his back, but Dodd won’t relent. He drops an elbow across the Intercontinental Champion’s chest and covers... 

One... 

...but Marx kicks out.] 

DT: Marx kicks out there, and frankly, I think Dodd is believing his own hype. He’s going to need more than just that to put Marx away. 

DM: Hey, relax, he’s wearing them down. 

DT: That’s a good strategy but that can be done with submission holds, and Dodd has just applied one to Marx in the middle of the ring. Rear chinlock, and I think Dodd’s got it in good. 

MN: See? Our Hero has the strategy. 

DT: Dodd with that chinlock in tight, but Marx is moving around. He’s getting the grip on it loosened and he’s getting to his feet. Dodd trying to maintain pressure, but Marx is halfway to his feet, now fully to his feet. Marx with one elbow to the gut, two, and Dodd releases. Marx bounces back and goes for a clothesline. Dodd ducks and quickly turns around. Marx rebounds, running and... OH MAN! Dodd just got some air and nailed Marx with a dropkick! 

MN: Tremendous move by Our Hero! 

DT: Dodd not letting up, he’s grabbing Marx by the head and dragging him to his feet. Front facelock and Dodd’s got him up for a suplex. Steps forward and... drops him on the ropes and back with a sweet slingshot suplex! Dodd covers... 

One... 

Two... 

...but Marx kicks out again! 

MN: Dodd is proving he’s the real deal here! 

DM: Yeah, but Marx and Beast are titleholders here. You never know what they have up their sleeves. 

[True to Dean’s words, as Dodd goes to pick up Marx, the I-C Champ nails him with a chinbreaker. Dodd goes flying back and Marx uses the opportunity to tag in the Champion.] 

DT: Beast steps in over the top rope and he’s staring a hole right through Sebastian Dodd! 

MN: Wow, Big Loafy looks pissed! Roid rage, maybe? 

DT: Will you give it a rest? 

MN: C’mon, it’s... 

DT: Oh crap! Beast rushes across the ring and railroads Dodd! I mean, he just clocked him with a huge lariat! Dodd goes flying and Beast comes in right after him. Beast grabs Dodd, off the ropes, Dodd rushes in and SPINEBUSTER! Beast nearly killed him! The Champ floats over... 

One... 

Two... 

Dodd kicks out! 

And now Beast is pointing at Troy Douglas! Are we going to see another preview of Wrestleverse? 

MN: Another sneak peek! Another sneak peak! I’m so giddy! 

DM: Uweeheeheehee... 

[Dodd crawls over to the corner as Beast yells at him to tag in Douglas. Dodd tags in Douglas and the number one contender chins up to the Champion.] 

DT: Oh man, the tension is even thicker now! Champion and challenger, jaw-jacking with each other in the middle of the ring! And now it’s boiling over! Douglas cracks Beast in the jaw! Beast answers back! Douglas again! Beast again! It’s a knock-down, drag-out see-saw! 

MN: This is even better than I thought it would be! 

DM: They be sluggin, they be sluggin'! 

DT: Douglas with a haymaker, and another, and another! He grabs Beast and whips him off the ropes and OH MY! What a powerslam! That had to take some power to lift up the Champ like that! Douglas grabs Beast to pick him up and... OH MAN! Beast just cracked him with a punch to the nose! Douglas recoils back, I think he’s bleeding! 

MN: Big Loafy just used a closed fist! Disqualify him! 

[Douglas wipes the blood from his nose and turns back around to face Beast, and Beast levels him with a big clothesline. Douglas is laid out on the canvas, and Beast moves in, putting him in a sharpshooter.] 

DT: Beast is now punishing the number one contender with that wrenching sharpshooter. Troy Douglas is not having a good night here. 

MN: Yeah, he’s flat. And now, Big Loafy is reaping the benefits. I hate this! 

DT: Well, you may hate it, but the fans are eating it up, but wait, Douglas is inching towards the ropes. Beast’s grip on the hold is loosening and he’s inching and inching... 

MN: Come on Douglas! Come on Douglas! 

DT: Troy is reaching and reaching and... he’s got the ropes! 

MN: Yes! 

DM: Lucky break, literally. 

DT: Beast relinquishes the hold, but he’s right back on Douglas! Stomp to the back! And another! Beast is punishing the man he’s about to face at Wrestleverse! He grabs Douglas and lifts him up for a vertical suplex. Man, what power by the Champion, holding a man of Douglas’ size up there for that long. 

MN: ‘Roids! I’m telling you, Big Loafy’s a big doper! 

DT: Oh stop it, those are unfounded accusations, but what’s not unfounded is his power! He’s dropping him and... HIGH IMPACT SPINEBUSTER! 

DM: I hear Big Loafy likes to call that one “The Apocalypse.” 

DT: Well, that very well may be the Apocalypse for Douglas as Beast covers... 

One... 

Two... 

Thr... NO! Douglas kicks out! 

MN: Man, Troy Douglas will not be put away so easily. 

DT: No, he won’t, and that’s why he’s the number one contender! Beast goes over to his corner and tags in Marx. They both go over to Douglas and whip him off the ropes. Douglas, coming in, this can’t be good for him and... DOUBLE STUN GUN! Douglas’ neck just got his neck rung! 

MN: Get Loafy out of there! 

DT: Beast follows the rules, and he’s out of the ring. Marx now has Douglas at his mercy. Marx goes over to pick Douglas up but... oh man! Douglas just nailed him in the face! There’s no quit in him! 

MN: No! And that’s why he’s going to beat Loafy! 

[Marx stumbles back and Douglas hits a desperation clothesline. He crawls over and tags Dodd in.] 

DM: Oh man! Dodd is like a kid in a candy shop here! 

DT: You can say that again. He stalks in the ring and stomps Marx right across his back once, twice, three times. Marx is prone! 

[Dodd goes over and locks in a sleeper hold on the Intercontinental Champion. He rolls over and puts a leg scissors on.] 

DT: Dodd’s got that hold cinched in with pit bull intensity! 

DM: There’s no letting up when you’re trying to soften up the man you’re trying to beat at Wrestleverse! 

DT: You’re right and Dodd knows that. He’s gotta feel like he’s getting an advantage here. He’s got that hold locked in. The ref holds up Marx’s arm once, and it drops. Twice... and it drops, third time and Marx’s arm stays up! It stays up! The Intercontinental Champion is getting up and he pushes Dodd off him. Dodd bounces off the ropes, but he comes in and... WHAM! Big flying cross chop sends Marx right back down to the canvas. Dodd covers... 

One... 

Two... 

But Marx kicks out. 

MN: Man, so close. 

DT: Yes, but Dodd isn’t taking it for granted. He’s back on the canvas! This is a man possessed! Dodd grabs Marx and picks him up. He goes behind Marx and... BIG German suplex! Bridge... 

One... 

Two... 

Thr... NO! Marx kicked out! Marx kicked out! 

[Dodd gets up and tags out to Douglas. Dodd and Douglas go for the double-team. They pick Marx up and hit him with a double suplex. The ref uses his five count on Dodd, but Dodd refuses to get out of the ring. Beast leaps into the ring and tackles Dodd.] 

MN: LOAFY! 

DM: OOF! 

DT: You’re damn right! Beast just level Dodd, but Dodd absorbed it and they’re brawling! They’re out of the ring! 

[As Dodd and Beast are brawling on the outside of the ring, Douglas grabs Marx and whips him off the ropes. On the rebound, he nails the Intercontinental Champ with a back body drop. Marx gets up and Douglas whips him into the corner. Douglas grabs Marx and gets on the second rope.] 

DT: Oh my, Douglas is going for The End of the Road here! He grabs Marx, but NO! Marx cracks him! Douglas is astraddle the top rope! 

MN: Oh no! Looks like Marx has something big planned here! 

DT: Marx grabs Douglas and... SUPER DDT! SUPER DDT! THIS ONE HAS TO BE OVER! He covers... 

One... 

Two... 

THREE! THREE! THIS MATCH IS OVER! 

[SFX: *DING* - Bell rings.] 

TONY FATORA: Your winners, Jonathan Marx and Beast!