TONY FATORA: Ladies and gentlemen, the following match is scheduled for one fall, with a 60 minute time limit.
[ Cue up: "Black Superman" by Above The Law. The crowd lets out a rousing round of boos as Boogie Smallz struts down the ramp, bong in one hand, blunt in the other. He puffs his blunt and blows smoke rings at a beautiful woman at ringside before climbing into the ring, handing the bong to referee Pat Jones. ]
TONY FATORA: From Brooklyn, New York... Weighing in at one hundred and forty-three kilos... He issss BOOGIEEEEEEEEE... SMAAAAAAALLLLLLLLZZZ!
[ Boogie raises his arms to the crowd, but gets nothing back but more boos. ]
DT: Boogie's looking primed and ready to go.
DM: He must be on the high-quality stuff tonight. No cutting corners.
TONY FATORA: And, his opponent... he is a member of the Dark Carnival...
[ But before any music hits, or before Fatora can get any more words out, Kevin Powers jumps the guard rail and slides into the ring behind powers, before getting to his feet and grabbing Smallz, and firing him through the ropes to the outside! ]
MN: Good God!
DM: Now that's original.
DT: Powers takes the advantage with the sneak attack on Smallz! Boogie hit the guardrail and he's down on the floor! And now Powers is out there after him!
DM: This won't be good for Boogie. He's been attacked early, and Powers could do a lot more damage.
DT: Powers, now stomping away on the back of the head of Boogie, and one thing to note, guys, the bell hasn't rung yet - this is all legal! Powers lifts Smallz up, and DROPS him chest first on top of that guard rail! That could leave you with a cracked sternum!
DM: That would be great for Neely, then we wouldn't have to listen to him talk. He'd be too busy trying to suck in air.
MN: Hardy har har.
DT: Powers pulls Boogie back up to his feet, and fires him at the ring steps, but NO!! Smallz reverses, and he whips Powers into the steps instead! And follows it up with a running knee right to the face! OH MY!
DM: Powers looks like a steam roller just ran over his face!
MN: He'll be picking his nose with a toothpick after that shot!
DT: Smallz pulls Powers to his feet, and presses him high over his head... BODYSLAM to the arena floor!
DM: Even a basic move like that smarts when it's done on concrete with only a tiny mat underneath you!
DT: Now it's Boogie with the stomps! He's sending those big boots into Powers' temple! Now he's got Powers up, and he sends him hard into that steel ring post!
DM: Smallz is showing a wee bit of a mean streak tonight!
MN: You'd be pissed at Powers too if he cost you your shot at the EPW World Heavyweight Championship!
DT: Boogie throws Powers back into the ring, and slides in himself.
[ SFX: Bell rings. ]
DT: And Pat Jones calls for the bell! This match is now officially underway.
MN: Yeah, even though these two have already tried beating the hell out of each other outside the ring.
DT: Now Smallz has Powers back up to his feet, and THERE'S a big time tilt-a-whirl gutbuster! Smallz, with an early pin! ONE! TWO!
MN: And there's a kickout!
DT: Smallz picks Powers up, and sends him hard into the corner turnbuckle! Into the corner now, and Smallz starts laying into Powers with a flurry of right hands, each one of them snapping Powers' head back! The crowd's counting along! 1! 2! 3! 4! 5! 6! 7! 8! 9! 10!
MN: Who would have thought these simpletons could even count that high?
DM: Jealous they can go higher than you, Neely?
DT: Powers stumbles out of the corner and falls flat on his face on the canvas! Smallz lifts him back up, and PLANTS him right back down with a HUGE double arm DDT! There's another cover! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT!
DM: Powers is doing a great job trying to stay in this match. He just needs something to help break him out.
DT: Smallz has Powers up again, and there's another whip across the ring into the corner turnbuckle. Smallz charges and drops the shoulder, and POWERS GETS OUT OF THE WAY! SMALLZ JUST SLAMMED HIS SHOULDER INTO THE RING POST!
DM: I think they heard that shot in the last row, Dave.
DT: Smallz stumbles out of the corner, and Powers is right there with a tremendous clothesline!
DM: What a shot!
DT: Smallz goes down hard, and Powers mounts him and begins tossing haymakers into Smallz face! Referee Pat Jones is there to make his count, and Powers breaks at four-and-a-half, and he takes a warning from Jones! Powers shrugs it off, though, and he pulls Boogie to his feet and fires him hard into the corner! He gets that foot up and plants it right under Smallz chin, and starts choking him out!
DM: Great idea from Powers, here, taking the advantage away and making Boogie think more about breathing than wrestling.
MN: It's not like oxygen Smallz gets is any good anyway! This should be no different for him!
DT: Powers breaks again at four-and-a-half! And now he's unloading with the right hands! Powers takes another warning from Pat Jones, and then pulls Smallz out of the corner, and whips him across the ring to the far ropes... BIIIIIIIIIG BOOT right in Smallz' face, and Smallz is down!
MN: I wonder if he has any teeth left!
DT: Powers now, staying on Smallz, dropping a big leg across the throat! And there's a cover! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT!
DT: Now, it's Powers' turn to stay on the offense! He pulls Smallz up, whips him to the ropes, but Smallz reverses, and DAMN NEAR TAKES HIS HEAD OFF WITH A SHORT ARM CLOTHESLINE! Powers is flat on his back, and there's Smallz with the cover! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT!
DT: Smallz pulls Powers up, and whips him to the ropes... Smallz hits the opposite ropes... FLYING FOREARM!
DM: I think we all know what's coming next, guys!
MN: Another night of near-consciousness for Puff Daddy!
DT: Smallz has Powers in a standing head scissors... he's up... spinning... AND DOOOOWWWWWWNNN with the POWER BONG!! It's all academic from here, guys! ONE! TWO! THREEEE!
[ Cue up: "Black Superman", and Smallz gets to his feet and celebrates. ]
TONY FATORA: Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this match by pinfall... BOOOOOOOOGIIEEEEE SMAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLZZ!!
DT: This match was pretty much all Smallz tonight. Powers got some licks in, but Smallz got his payback tonight from last week.
MN: I think the joint kept him from feeling any pain.
DT: Either way, he gave more than he got, and that, my friends, is the name of the game when it comes to professional wrestling.
DM: Um, guys... I think Thomas might actually have a point...
DT: Wha...?
DM: Either I'm seeing ghosts, or Powers isn't done yet...
DT: OH MAN!! Powers just leveled Smallz with a shot to the back of the neck!
MN: Someone's a sore loser!
DT: Smallz is down, and he rolls under the rope to the outside! Powers follows him and nails a huge right hand! Smallz fires back! Powers! Smallz! They're standing toe to toe! Trading shots! They're heading to the ramp! Smallz ducks a swing from Powers and back drops Powers onto the steel ramp!
MN: That'll rearrange your spine!
DT: Smallz pulls Powers to his feet, and a shot to the guts from Powers, followed by a big right hand! Smallz fires back, and once again, the two men are going at it tooth and nail, fighting backward up the ramp!
DM: Looks like these guys aren't done yet!
DT: Back up the ramp they go, still tossing haymakers! Back through the curtain! Folks, we're going to try and catch up with this one but right now we've got tag team action. Take it away, Tony!
TONY FATORA: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is a tag team
match scheduled for one fall, with a sixty-minute time limit!
[Cue Up: "The Final Countdown" by Europe. As the opening chords of "The Final Countdown" play, the arena goes black. As the introduction of the song continues, the words "A New Time Has Come" flash on the big screen above the ramp. As the words "The Final Countdown" are heard for the first time, an elaborate display of fireworks and lights signal the entrance of Matt Johansson and Bryan Storms. They walk swiftly past the tables and chair surrounding the ring, before sliding simultaneously under the bottom rope to pose on opposite turnbuckles, taunting the crowd.]
TONY FATORA: Introducing first, at a combined weight of four hundred and seventy pounds... "The Perfect Ten" Matt Johansson, "The New Icon" Bryan Storms.... your new #1 Contenders to the EEEEEEEEPW WORLD Tag Team Championships... SECOOOOOOOOOOND... COOOOOOOOOOMIIIIIIIIIIIIING!!!!!!!!
DT: Johansson and Storms are coming off a huge win at Wrestleverse I where they defeated Golem and Executioner to become the #1 Contenders to the Tag Titles!
DM: You gotta wonder if they be looking forward to getting their freak on with the Tag Team Champions - namely that hottie Lindsay Troy!
MN: Now that's some tag team action I could really get interested in!
DT: Mike, ewww.
[FADE OUT: "the Final Countdown," which is replaced by "Stay In Shadow" by Finger Eleven.
TONY FATORA: And their opponents! Weighing in at a grand total of SEVEN HUNDRED and seventy-five pounds... and accompanied to the ring by their Manager, Nathan Fear... Erik Black and Ivan Dalkichev... THISSSSSS ISSSSS.... CAAAAAAAA-RIMSON CAAAAALLLLLLLLLLING!!
DT: And the former EPW World Tag Team Champions are in the ring... and my god, is Dalkichev HYYYOOOOOOGE!
DM: Da, Comrade. Is Russian Bear.
MN: Tell me, boys... where does a 500-poun-plus Russian bear sit?
DT: I have a feeling you're going to tell us.
DM: This better be good, Neely.
MN: Anywhere the hell he wants to!!!
DM: Shut up. Please.
DT: Guys, let's get back to the ring, shall we? Crimson Calling is on a mission here in EPW now that they've returned, and a win over Second Coming would surely cement them as challengers to Christian Sands and Lindsay Troy.
DM: With the size of our Communist friend over there, it might be more certain than you think! However, if he gets in the ring, look for Johansson and Storms to use their speed as an advantage, and get in a lot of tag team work to keep him off his feet. He'll be useless there! And if you noticed earlier he was limping, so the big man may have a weakness for Second Coming to exploit!
DT: Alright guys, it looks like Black and Storms are in the ring, and we're going to get underway!
[ SFX: Bell rings. ]
DT: Yes, there's the bell! Black and Storms lock up, and the two men struggle... Black pulls him into a headlock. Go behind, and Black takes control with a hammerlock. Storms is looking for a way out, throwing a couple elbows, but Black dodges them. A couple forearms to the small of the back, and Black DROPS Storms to the canvas with a neck breaker!
DM: Nicely done! Look at the way Storms is curled up holding his neck! That one STUNG!
DT: Leg drop by Black, and he's dragging Storms over to his corner, and there's the tag to the big Russian!
MN: He may be big, but I'm not too fond of him.
DT: What's not to like?
MN: I like my Russians wet. And white. On the rocks. The more cream the better.
DT: Worry about the match, will ya? OH MY!!! HUGE right hand from Ivan, a haywaker if you will, and Storms looks like he's been sent into next week! Storms whipped into the ropes by Ivan, and THERE'S A CLOTHESLINE THAT ALMOST TOOK HIS HEAD OFF!
DM: That was unbelieveable.
DT: Ivan's pressing the attack! Storms needs to make a tag in a big way! Ivan lifts Storms up, and a CRUNCHING Canadian back breaker! WOW!!
DM: The human spine was not meant for that particular configuration, Dave!
MN: Thank you, Captain Obvious!
DT: And there's the cover!
ONE!
TWO!!
DT: Ohhh, he kicked out!
MN: And Dalkichev's shaking out that leg! He's making the tag back to Black!
DM: Looks like the impact of that back breaker jarred whatever injury he might have, guys!
DT: And Black shoots right to the top rope - MOONSAULT! Another cover!
ONE!
TWO!
DM: Kickout!
MN: Storms isn't ready to quit yet!
DT: There's Black pulling Storms back up to his feet, and Black fires him into the far ropes. Storms rebounds, and Black drops the head, FACEBUSTER from Storms and both men are down!
DM: This is Storm's chance to make the tag!
MN: Get off your ass, Storms!
DT: YES! Storms tags in "The Perfect 10" Matt Johansson, and he knocks down Black with a forearm! Black up - another forearm from Johansson! Black up a third time, and down he goes again courtesy of a clothesline from The Perfect 10! Now Ivan's in the ring! Kick to the guts and a BIG DDT for the Big Russian! Matt Johansson's on FIRE!!
MN: And it's not because he has the male itch, either!
DM: Outstanding as always, Neely.
DT: Johansson meets Black as he gets back to his feet, and there's an implant DDT for the former Tag Champion! Storms, now heading for the top rope - SENTON SPLASH! And there's the cover!!
ONE!
TWO!
DM: KICKOUT!
DT: Erik Black, reaching down deep, and getting the shoulder up in time! Johansson pulls Black to his feet, and fires him into the ropes. Ivan reaches out and there's the blind tag to Black! Black rebounds, and Johansson lands a perfect standing dropkick!
DM: Nailed Black right in the mush, he did!
MN: But here comes the big Russkie!
DT: And Johansson serves up a dropkick for him! Right in the leg! That injured leg!
MN: And there's your TSN turning point, Thomas!
DM: Just like I said at the top of the match, if Second Coming could work on that leg and take him down, they're in business!
DT: Johansson drops a knee across Ivan's leg, and the big man's roaring in pain! There's another knee! Another! Another! He's tearing Ivan's leg apart with those repeated shots!
DM: *That's* how you work a body part, Thomas!
DT: Now, Johansson grabs Ivan by the ankle and rolls him over onto his stomach, and lifts that leg up and SLAMS it back down into the canvas! He tags in Storms, who leaps up to the top rope and lands a HUGE flying elbow deep into that leg! Johansson, now, grabbing Dalkichev's leg and kneels, resting the big man's ankle across his own, and motions for Storms to go back up top! Storms, flying again, and he ABSOLUTELY CRUSHES Dalkichev's leg!
DM: Dalkichev's in a world of hurt, Dave!
MN:: I've never heard a man that size squeal like that before!
DT: Dalkichev is just a mess on the canvas, guys! He's just curled up on the mat, clutching that leg! Storms, laying into the leg with some stomps! Now he's climbing back up to the top, and he's going to fly again! DIVING HEADBUTT, and there's the cover, hooking the bad leg!
MN: ONE!
MN: TWO!
MN: THRNOO!!! Black broke up the count!
DM: I don't know how good of a decision that was by Erik Black.
DT: What was that, Dean?
DM: Think about it! Ivan's there, obviously in pain, perhaps even a broken leg, and he's not going to give in. He doesn't want to lose the match. Erik Black doesn't want to lose the match! But everytime Black interferes, he's allowing Second Coming to destroy that leg that much more! It's a matter of pride, really, and someone's going to have to swallow it or Ivan's going to get hurt bad!
DT: Insightful as always, Dean!
MN: Did you need to use your crystal ball for that?
DT: Storms lands another elbow drop on Dalkichev's knee, and he tags Johansson back in! Johansson goes to the top rope, as Storms holds the Russian's leg down, and Johansson HITS A CORKSCREW MOONSAULT RIGHT ON THAT LEG!!
MN: He's really screaming now!
DT: Black is going nuts over on the ring apron! He's pleading with his tag team partner to somehow make a tag!!
DM: One thing through all of this is that you have to be impressed with Second Coming's aerial abilities in this match!
DT: I don't anyone is doubting them right now! Look at them go! Johansson, picking Ivan up, making him stand with that injured leg, and Ivan's not even putting it on the mat! OH NO! Johansson nails that injured leg with a big chop block! Ivan goes down hard, and now Storms is dragging the big man towards the corner, but he can't quite do it! Storms comes in, and he helps his partner drag the hulk of the man towards the corner, where Johansson jumps out of the ring and WRAPS THAT LEG RIGHT AROUND THAT STEEL RINGPOST! Ivan's screams are filling the arena!
DM: Holy crap! A second time!
MN: Throw in the towel, boys! Are they stupid, or what?!?
Ivan, instinctively, desperately, rolls away from the corner toward the middle of the ring, and clutches at his leg!
DT: Dalkichev with the survival instincts there! He's trying to protect that leg! But Johansson quickly gets back into the ring and makes the cover!
MN: ONE!!
MN: TWO!!
MN: THREEEEEEENOOOOOOO!! Black broke it up at the absolute last second!
DT: The official's forcing Black back out of the ring! Johansson makes a tag to Storms, who comes in, and ...
MN: HOOO-LEEEE SH-
DT: NEELY! FAMILY SHOW!!
MN: IIIZNIT!!!
DT: STORMS WITH THE INDIAN DEATHLOCK ON IVAN RIGHT IN THE CENTER OF THE RING!!! THERE'S NOWHERE TO GO!! THIS ONE'S GOTTA BE OVER!!
DM: Second Coming has systematically destroyed Ivan Dalkichev's leg!! And now this! WOW!
MN: Tap!! TAP!!!
DT: But Ivan's REFUSING TO TAP!! He's screaming for his life, but the big man will not give up! What a testament to his staying power and his heart! He'd rather have his leg snapped than say I QUIT!
DM: Black has LOST IT over on the apron! He can't reach to make the tag! All he can do is watch and hope his partner makes it! He's pacing like a caged animal! Fear's even over there trying to calm him down!
DT: All the while, Storms has that deathlock CINCHED IN! The Russian's going nowhere, and he falls to the canvas on his back!
MN: ONE!
TWO!
KICKOUT!!
DT: Unbelievable! IVAN JUST WON'T GIVE UP!!
DM: Black's just pulling his hair out over there in his corner! He's got to be scared for his partner's health!
DT: Wait a damnd minute! Where's Black going?!?
Erik Black hops off the ring apron and paces around on the floor a moment before he looks over at the announce table, and sprints over! He shoves Neely off his chair, and takes his chair, folding it up as he goes!
MN: Hey!! You can't take that!! My ass crack was perfect on that chair! You can't do this to me AGAIN!!
DM: Looks like he just did, Superman.
DT: And there goes Black into the ring....
DM: WHAMMMMM!!!
MN: Ding dong, the witch is dead!
DT: Erik Black has just busted Storms WIDE open with that devastating chair shot!
[ SFX: Ring bell rings. ]
DT: And referee Emilio Gomez has tossed this one out!
TONY FATORA: Ladies and gentlemen, the winners of this match as a result of disqualification, the team of "The Perfect 10" Matt Johansson, and "The New Icon" Bryan Storms.... SECOND COMING!!!
DM: Erik Black just lost it! And now Fear's in the ring, trying to help the big Dalkichev out of the ring, as Matt Johansson gets into Black's face for destroying his partner!
DT: The two men are staring each other down... OOOH MY!! A right hand from Johansson into Black's face! Black fires back! Johansson! Black! Holy hell! They're standing toe to toe in the middle of the ring tossing knuckle sandwiches!
MN: Here comes the brigade!
A huge group of officials and EMT's are seen running down the ramp. The EMT's split off to try and assist Ivan, and the officials slide into the ring to try and get Black and Johansson apart!
DT: All hell's broken loose here on Aggression, boys!
MN: It's hit the fan, that's for sure!
DM: The EMT's are all pulling Ivan onto a stretcher, trying to get him out of there!
DT: And the stretcher's just collapsed!! It can't hold the big man!
The EMT's all scramble to help Ivan, under the booming guidance of Nathan Fear, who is trying to save his charge. Back in the ring, A bunch of officials have finally gotten between Black and Johansson, but they're having trouble keeping the two apart!
DT: There's a dozen officials in there, and they can't keep them apart! Black and Johansson are STILL trying to get at each other's throats!
Finally, the officials get the men seperated, and forced back into seperate corners across the ring from each other. Everyone starts to calm down, and Black finally looks over and sees the problems everyone's having with Dalkichev. Black then ducks out of the ring, and heads over to his fallen partner. He shoo's everyone away, and he speaks to Nathan, who nods, and the two men pull and strain, and finally hoist the big man up to his feet, Dalkichev with tears streaming down his face from the pain and anguish from getting his leg destroyed, as Fear and Black assist him up the ramp, fighting his weight as they go.
DT: What an encounter between Crimson Calling and Second Coming! What's going to happen next? You gotta believe Black is going to want revenge for this attack! We'll let you know more on the condition of Ivan Dalkichev as we find out! And now I'm being told we've got Boogie Smallz and Kevin Powers still going at it backstage!! Do we....yes....yes, I'm told we have a live feed....
[The shot switches to backstage where Boogie Smallz and Kevin Powers are tearing into each other with everything they can get their hands on. Smallz bullrushes Powers into a concrete block wall and Powers fights him off and drives his head into the side of a vending machine, rocking it wildly. A rush of security guards continues to fight for control as several more come into the scene and finally manage to pull the two apart as the feed goes fuzzy and finally black.]
DT: It seems we've finally lost the feed, but my God look at the carnage those two are causing in the backstage area??
MN: Why do I get the feeling that's coming out of our payoff?
DM: Because it so is.
DT: *sigh* Folks, we've got to take a break, but when we come back, it's non-title action! JA! Benjamin! NEXT!
[Cut to a commercial for Pizza Mutt.]