DM: This one should shape up to be a technical masterpiece. It doesn't get much better than these two.

TF: The following is a non-title contest scheduled for one fall, with a thirty minute time limit. Introducing first...

[CUE UP: “Lose Yourself” Eminem]

TF: He stands 6’4” and weighs 240 pounds, from England, he is “YOURS TRULY” ADAAAAAAAAAAAAM BEEEEEEEEENNNNJAAAAAAMINNNNNN!!!!!

His opponent...

[CUE UP: “Eat the Rich” Fozzy}

TF: Hailing from Philadelphia, PA. He stands 6’ tall and weighs in at 215 and 3/8 pounds and is the EPW INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION...The Anglo Luchador...JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYY AAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!!!

[SFX: *Dingdingding*]

DT: And this contest between two of Empire Pro’s finest technical masters is underway, boys!

DM: Expect a fast-paced, entertaining match from two men with very similar styles, and don’t expect JA to hold anything back even though his title isn’t on the line.

DT: JA and Benjamin size each other up, and here we go with a lockup!

MN: Duuuuuude, you sounded WAY too excited about that.

DT: Benjamin using his size and leverage advantage, and he snaps the champ down to his knees! JA fights up, and Benji drops him right back down! JA back up, and this time he breaks the lockup! Adam Benjamin clearly has the power advantage in this matchup.

DM: You said that perfectly, Dave. Adam is going to use his size advantage, something he normally doesn’t use, to try and slow down the Anglo Luchador.

DT: Benjamin wants to go back into the lockup, but JA ducks away. Benji goes for it again, but the champ gives him another fakeout! JA is annoying Benjamin with these tactics, and look at the champ, he thinks it’s hilarious! Benjamin charges, and JA hits him with a drop toe hold! What a great trap laid by JA right there!

MN: Damn! BDE is smarter than that! COME ON BENJI!!!

DT: JA pulls Benjamin to his feet. Irish whip, reversal by Adam and a quick knee to the solar plexus of the IC champion.

DM: Ribcage, Dave. Ribcage. The people understand that.

DT: Thanks. JA back up, and the two begin to circle each other. Benji looking to get back into the lockup, and the IC champ ducks behind and gets a quick takedown! Benji fights to his feet, but JA rolls through and brings him down again! Quick pin...

Kickout by Adam Benjamin!

MN: Takedown, two points! Near fall, two points!

DT: Both men back to vertical, it’s been a quick-paced match so far. JA charges, and a quick arm drag by Adam Benjamin, right into a rear chinlock. Benjamin is definitely trying to assert his power in this match, accenting his technical mastery with it.

DM: This move’ll serve to cut off the air supply to JA’s brain and take the wind out of him early on in the match.

MN: Also, it disrupts his nasal cavities because armpit smell is just nasty.

DM: Right, Neelster. Riiiiiiiiiiggghhtttt.

DT: JA trying to conserve energy, not working too hard to break this hold. He’s got a ton of durability and it’s not the spot from him to use a huge burst to break this. He is, however, slowly making it to his feet. Benjamin tries to crank down...snap mare takedown out of nowhere by JA, and now HE’S applying the rear chinlock, but way to close to the ropes, Benjamin is out of it quickly.

DM: That’s technical wrestling, Dave. Counters and takedowns.

DT: JA now getting aggressive. Lockup and the irish whip, misses with a spinning wheel kick! JA gets up and turns right into a HEEEEEEE-UUUUUUUGGGGGEEEE clothesline by Adam Benjamin! Benjamin picks him up...SNAP SUPLEX!!! Quick lateral press from Benjamin...

ONE...

TWO...

EASY KICKOUT!!! JA’s prove it’ll take a lot more than a quick onslaught to take him down! Benji knows that and right back on the attack he goes! Hooks the head...snap suplex...FLOAT OVER by JA! Switch by Benjamin! German Suplex...NO!!! JA backflipped out of it! Benjamin spins around...headscissors takedown!! JA just pulled off a beautiful display of speed and agility.

DM: In the short time he’s been here, JA has proven that his quickness is on par with any major player in the business.

DT: Benjamin is up and stunned, walks right into a JA dropkick! JA off the ropes...knee drop...but Adam rolls out of the way, and JA’s knee just impacted directly with that canvas!! He’s writhing in pain, and Benjamin has the look that he won’t waste ANY time regaining the advantage. Benjamin grabs the knee and SLAMS it back to the canvas! Picks it up, does it again!!! Now off the ropes he goes, and he drops the point of his knee right onto the injured area.

DM: Beautiful psychology, Dave. Focused attack is one of Benji’s strong suits, you’ll see him work on that knee until it gives out.

DT: Adam Benjamin, “Your’s Truly”, now works in a side leg lock, putting pressure directly on JA’s injured knee. You’ve got to think, Dean, that even if JA pulls this match out, Adam Benjamin’s assault on his knee may have a lasting impact on his title reign.

DM: Certainly. The kid has talent, but talent doesn’t always overcome a blown knee. He could be in serious trouble, tonight and in the future.

DT: JA’s knee is in searing pain right now, but this kid has got a ton of resilience, and the IC champ is trying to roll this over. Benjamin cranks back, and JA shoots up off the mat in a spasm of pain!!! Benjamin cranks back again...INSIDE CRADLE BY JA!!!!!

DM: How in hell did he do that?

DT: ONE...

TWO...

NOOOOO!!! Benjamin kicks out, but just an amazing counter by JA! He used Benjamin’s momentum against him to roll through into a cradle when Adam tried to wrench that leg lock tighter. Both men are up, but JA is obviously limping here.

DM: This really doesn’t look good, but if I know this kid he’ll give it a go.

DT: JA looks for another collar and elbow, but this time it’s Benjamin dipping behind and clipping JA’s hurt right knee, and Benjamin goes right back on the offensive.

DM: When Benjamin gets on the sustained offensive, he’s damn near impossible to...

MN: *Snores loudly*

DM & DT: NEELY!!!!

MN: H-huh? Where am I? Mommy, I don’t wanna go to school today!

DT: Mike?

MN: Yep?

DT: Match?

MN: You mean this boring piece of...I know, “family show”.

DT: Noooo, I mean WAKE UP, YOU MORON!

MN: Ohhhhhhhh. That. Kay.

DT: Back to the action, and Adam Benjamin’s reapplied that side leg lock. This time, he’s staying flat to the mat and making sure JA won’t pull another one on him. JA is really struggling right here, trying to break this hold somehow.

DM: I don’t know if he can do this a second time, Dave.

MN: ‘Course not, Deano. BIG DADDY ENGLISH RULES!!!!

DT: I’ll agree with your meaning if not your fervor, Mike. Benjamin is letting the pressure of escape do the work on JA, and you can almost hear that knee pop, even over the roar of the crowd. JA is still fighting, and now Benjamin is beginning to turn!

DM: Gotta love the effort. THIS is why he’s the Intercontinental Champion.

DT: Turning, turning, turning, JA REVERSES THE HOLD!!! Benjamin breaks it after a sheer show of guts by JA, and look at the champ just spring back to his feet. The knee may be hurt, but I think he’s found his second wind. JA is hopping around the ring, firing himself up and...ROLLUP BY BENJAMIN!!! Your’s Truly came right behind him with the schoolboy...

ONE...

TWO...

NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! JA was caught by surprise right there, but he’s still going, just barely. They square of again, and a quick arm drag by Benjamin. JA rolls through, and he gets a dragon screw! Up again, hip toss from JA! One more time, hip toss from Benjamin...no! JA rolls out of it...GERMAN SUPLEX!!!! Here’s a bridged pin...

ONE...

TWO...

THREEEEEE!!!! NO!!!!! I thought he had him right there!

DM: Tremendous exchange, Dave. These two are giving us everything we expected here tonight. This should keep up.

DT: JA looking to sustain some real offense for the first time now. He grabs the groggy Brit, and irish whips him. Benji off the ropes, leapfrog by a charging JA. They bounce off from opposite directions...TREMENDOUS MOVE BY JA!!!! Dean, just what was that?

DM: Looked like a variety of neckbreaker, Dave, except he came off the ropes with a half-spinning backflip before hitting a horizontal neckbreaker. Just a fabulous piece of offensive innovation.

MN: Hey, why didn’t you ask me?

DM: I know more than you.

MN: Touchè, Matthews, touché.

DT: JA lifts Benjamin from the mat, and now it’s Benjamin who looks off his game. JA hooks the head...SCREWDRIVER!!! A great power move from the Anglo Luchador! Now it’s the champ’s turn to work in the submission holds, and he’s applying a full nelson surfboard!

DM: Once again, great idea. JA loves to use that Karelin Driver, and this will soften up Adam’s neck to make the move even more effective. We see things like this all the time with Karl Brown, and you know this is something JA picked up years ago in the Hart Dungeon.

DT: JA’s surfboarding Benjamin a two feet in the air, putting a ton of pressure on the C1 through C4 vertebrae, this is going to be tough to withstand for a long time. Benjamin rocking back and forth to trying and slip away...AND...HE...DOES!!!!! Tremendous effort from Adam Benjamin, but he’s holding that neck, JA really disrupted him with that hold.

MN: Now we’ve just got a coupla cripples walking around.

DM: Not PC, but generally right, Mike. These guys are both targeting specific parts of the body.

DT: Benjamin and JA each taking a moment to recover, but referee Bryan Weatherby is telling them to get back to action. Here we go, and JA shoots it with a single leg and a leg sweep takedown, reversed straight away by Benjamin into a sitting armbar, broken quickly by JA. Back into the lockup, and Benjamin gets a hold of that knee again. He lifts up, and a kneebreaker by Adam Benjamin! He scoops JA up, DDT!!!! Cradle pin from Adam...

ONE...

TWO...

THRRRRRNOTTHISTIME!!!!!! JA is just able to pop out of the inside cradle at the last moment possible!

DM: Benjamin’s really focused on that knee, and it looks to really be paying off. JA was a step slow on that latest exchange.

DT: JA staggers back up. Benjamin...SUPERKICK CAN’T CONNECT!!! JA...MISSES THE CLOTHESLINE!!! Turns around...HE GOT IT!!!! BENJAMIN HIT THE SHINING WIZARD!!!!

MN: DA WIZARD, BABY!!!

DT: This one could end it...

ONE...

TWO...

THREEEEEEEEEEE!!!! WAIT!!! HOLD IT JUST A SECOND!!!! JA got out of that one too!

DM: What great, great effort by both men here tonight.

DT: Benjamin is really pissed now, and he’s slapping the mat while waiting for JA to rise. JA is up, Benjamin going for it all again...SWING AND A BIG MISS!!!! JA with a boot to the stomach, snap suplex! He rolls through, and there is another! He brings Benjamin up, and whips him into the corner!

MN: This one looks big, he’s setting up for something special here.

DT: JA has Benjamin up on top. Benjamin, with that neck injured by Beast during his courageous Wrestleverse performance, can’t like the prospect of what’s coming here. He hooks the waist, could this be the Karelin Driver from the top...

DM: NO!!!!

DT: Benjamin slipped out, and JA fell to the canvas, nailing that knee on the mat one more time! Benjamin slingshots in, and he drops his right elbow right across the injured knee once again! Benjamin picks him up, and drops him face first on the canvas, then hooks in the STF!!! JA is screaming in agony right now!

DM: Adam’s put so much pressure on JA’s knee during this match, I just don’t think that the IC champ will be able to hold on any longer. This match isn’t for the title, the kid should just cut his losses and move on.

DT: I don’t think JA would agree you on that point, Dean. He’s still fighting as hard as he can to break this hold. He’s separating Benjamin’s hands, but the Brit just locks them back together! Adam Benjamin has established complete control over this contest. JA is still crawling closer, ever closer to the far ropes, but I think they’re just too far away.

MN: Whooooo! Benji is showing us tonight why “Your’s Truly” might be the very best in EPW today. Certainly better than Johnny Anonymous or Big Loafy.

DT: JA showing a ton of heart and guts, fighting to the ropes. He’s inching, inching, and he GETS TO THE ROPES!!!! HOLY GOD I DO NOT BELIEVE THIS!!!

DM: That’s incredible, I didn’t think he had enough left in the tank with what Adam’s done to that right knee in this match. Heart of a champion, indeed.

DT: JA hobbles to his feet, and Benjamin cuts him right back down! He pulls him to his feet, irish whip, and the Shining Wizard!!! He nailed him with it for a second time! Now he’s got the IC champ in the standing headscissors!

DM: Benjidriver coming up right here, this’ll put it away!

DT: He pulls him up...JA slips out! Off the ropes he goes, and JA HITS THE SHINING WIZARD!!! The tables have turned once more! The pin...

ONE...

TWO...

THRRRRRRRRNOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! BENJAMIN BARELY ESCAPES THIS TIME!!!! What a great display of fast-paced, nip and tuck action from these two! JA has him up and set for a Karelin Driver...

BENJAMIN ROLLS OUT!!! Boot to the gut of JA...and a FISHERMAN’S SUPLEX!!! The bridge...

ONE...

TWOOOOOOOO....

DENIED AGAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIINNNN!!!!! JA gets up along with Benjamin, the Brit goes for the bodypress...MISSES IT!!! JA hooks the head, Benjamin floats over the suplex attempt! Now he’s got JA set up...

DM: Maybe this time?

MN: END IT BIG DADDY!!!

DT: Benjamin hoists him up...HURRICANRANA!!!!!!! SPECTACULAR MOVE BY JA!!! He hooks the legs...

OOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEE...

TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...

THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DM: I DON’T BELIEVE IT!!!

DT: Somehow, JA, injured knee and all, scrapped it together with a out of NOWHERE win over Adam Benjamin. This was a great, gutty performance by this Intercontinental Champion.

TF: The winner of the match...JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYY AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!

DT: Ladies and gentlemen, back right after these messages!!

[Cut to a commercial for the United States Army. Be an army of one.]