TONY FATORA: Th' following contest is scheduled for one fall! It will be contested for the Empire Pro Wrestling IN-tercontinentallll Heavyweight Championship!
[Cue up: "Eat The Rich" - Fozzy to a HUGE crowd pop. Pushing his way through the curtain, JA takes a moment to drink in the roar of the crowd, then adjusts the title around his waist and makes his way to the ring.]
TONY FATORA: Introducing first, from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania... He weighs in at just shy of two hundred and sixteen pounds... He is the reigning and defending IN-tercontinental Champion... JAAAAAAAAAAAY... AAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY!!!
DT: And what a champion JA has been here in EPW since winning the title from "Gentleman" Jonathan Marx, guys. JA has been on such an impressive run here that it's hard to deny his star power.
DM: JA knows what he's doing, Dave Thomas. He's got the charisma to appeal to the crowd and the in-ring savvy to back it up. But I don't know it that's going to be enough against a hellbent Seb Dodd who may not showboat but has technique oozing from every pore.
MN: THE DODDLERRRR!
DM: Hehn?
MN: I said, THE DODDLERRRR!
DM: Oi.
[Cue up: "Stellar" - Incubus. The crowd pops melt into rumbling boos, which Sebastian Dodd ignores completely. Determination flickers in the man's eyes as he stalks down to the ring and stares a hole through JA, who pokes his tongue out and crosses his eyes.]
TONY FATORA: And introducing the challenger! He hails from New York, New York! He weighs in at two hundred and forty five pounds! This is the Messiah... SEBASTIAAAAAAAAAANNNN... DOOOOOOOOOOODD!!
MN: LOOK! IT'S THE DODDLER!! THE DODDLERRRRRR!!
DM: Mike. Ritalin. Now.
DT: You have to believe that Sebastian Dodd has his working boots on tonight. The intensity in his eyes is just unmistakable. He wants that title, and he wants to take JA down.
DM: It won't be easy. JA's an animal in there. Dodd can work the mat like a man, but JA can lick him in the air.
[SFX: *DING* - Bell rings.]
DT: And right off the bat there's the lock-up, and you can tell these two men want to have this out but good! Dodd pushing JA towards the corner here - backs him up against the turnbuckle, and the official calls for the break. Dodd gives it to him cle - no he doesn't! The huge right hand to the head of the Intercontinental Champion!
DM: Dodd comes into this match with a big size advantage and a bit of height. He's got the leverage and the weight to make his throws count big, but JA's quicker and can hit the air easier. What JA has to do is keep moving and avoid letting Dodd get ahold of him.
MN: Easier said than done!
DT: Dodd laying in those big rights to JA, and there's the Irish whip by the challenger. Follows JA into the corner - big clothesline to JA! Snapmare now by Dodd, and he capitalizes with the jumping neck snap, leaping over JA!
DM: I've never seen that done from a standing position before! Dodd's an innovator as well as a technical mastermind.
DT: Looks like Dodd's going to attack the neck of JA here. The defending champion to his feet, and there's Dodd to bring him down with the headlock takeover! Big right hands to the side of the neck of JA!
MN: The Doddler's just sluggin' away, man!
DM: Sebastian Dodd's tactics here are brutally effective. He's taking JA down and picking apart that neck. Those right hands are crude but VERY effective.
DT: Dodd pulling JA to his feet by the mask - whips him off into the ropes, JA DUCKS the lariat, but Dodd catches him with the neckbreaker drop on the way back! JA is in real trouble in the opening moments of the match!
DM: What JA needs to do is keep his eyes open and watch for Dodd to make a mistake. You can see the cockiness in Dodd's face. If Dodd lets himself get overconfident, JA could turn the tide.
MN: JA's the moon?
DM: Uh, what?
MN: Well, he's affecting the tides...
DM: Not THOSE tides, dumpface.
MN: Well, be more specific, facedump!
DT: Another Irish whip there by Dodd as JA comes to his feet - the reversal by the champion! Dodd ducks the JA lariat... NO, JA catches him with a neckbreaker instead! Dodd's down, and JA kips to his feet!
DM: And there's the mistake!
MN: Sailor JA turned the tide with his moon power!
DT/DM: MIKE!
MN: Meep.
DT: Up comes Dodd - JA catches him with a dropkick!
[JA: "C'mon, Promo-Bot! C'mon, get up!"]
DT: Dodd up again, darting in - hits the knee lift from JA! Whip by the champion sends Dodd into the corner - BIG body splash by JA, and Dodd's bailing to the floor to regroup!
DM: Dodd wasn't expecting JA to rally this quickly and WHOA LOOK OUT!
DT: OH, AND JA COMES OVER THE TOP WITH THE SOMERSAULT TOPE, TAKING SEBASTIAN DODD DOWN RIGHT BY OUR ANNOUNCE TABLE!!
MN: AIR JA!
[CROWD: "JAY-AY! JAY-AY! JAY-AY!"]
DT: And this crowd showing its appreciation for JA's beautiful tope to the outside! Now the reigning Intercontinental Champion hooking the head of Dodd - AND SMASHING THE MESSIAH'S FACE INTO THE RINGPOST!
DM: OW!
MN: NO! The Doddler got his face rearranged!
DT: Dodd staggering back - JA slugs him in the kidneys once, twice, three times! Now rolling Dodd back into the ring... Dodd stumbles to his feet... JA SPRINGBOARDS IN WITH THE MISSILE DROPKICK, TAKING DODD DOWN, AND THIS CROWD LOVES IT!
[CROWD: "JA ROCKS! JA ROCKS! JA ROCKS!"]
MN: Damn! This guy's, like, the dropkick man!
DT: Here's the cover by JA! One - TWO - No, Dodd kicks out!
DM: Dodd's not gonna quit easily, Dave Thomas. He wants that Intercontinental Title, and he'll go through hell or high water to get his hands on it.
DT: JA bringing the challenger to his feet. Whips him into the corner, and there's the monkey flip back into the center of the ring! Dodd reels to his feet again - And JA FEEDS him a sleeper drop! The cover! One -
TWO -
Dodd gets the shoulder up!
MN: The Messiah never dies, Burgerman! He just keeps coming back to life!
DT: JA signaling to the fans - looks like he's going for a dragon suplex here! Pulls Dodd off the mat in a full nelson, but Dodd refuses to go over! Fighting it... DODD HOOKS HIS LEGS AROUND JA'S WAIST AND SOMEHOW ROLLS THROUGH FOR THE VICTORY ROLL!!! ONE - TWO - NO, JA KICKS OUT!
DM: HOLY CRAP! How the HELL did Dodd do that?!
MN: The Doddler's freakin AMAZING! He's my hero!
DT: Both men up again - in comes JA with the clothesline, but Dodd ducks it and spins JA around, and there's the swinging neckbreaker by the challenger! JA staggering to his feet... Dodd hooks the waist and DROPS HIM ON HIS NECK WITH THE GERMAN SUPLEX! The bridge pin! One -
TWO -
JA kicks out!
DM: Again you see the tenacity of Sebastian Dodd. He's like a machine, the way he goes right back to that neck of JA.
MN: And, like, not the Promo-Bot type of machine!
DT: The tide has turned again here, as Sebastian Dodd is firmly in control! Whips JA into the corner, and there's the big elbow smash to the head! Snapmare back into the open ring takes JA down. Dodd to one knee, and there's the necktie hold as Dodd draws JA's arms across his own throat and pulls back hard!
DM: This is a devastating hold by Sebastian Dodd. Not only is he straining JA's neck and shoulders, he's cutting off the flow of blood to JA's head. JA could very well pass out here.
MN: He's fitting JA for new neckwear, brother! Kick his butt, Doddler!
DT: JA straining to get a foot on the ropes here, but Dodd's got him close to the center of the ring!
MN: Just tap, clown! TAAAAAP!
DT: Listen to this crowd!
[CROWD: "LET'S GO J-A LET'S GO!" *clap clap* LET'S GO J-A LET'S GO!" *clap clap*]
DT: You can see JA feeding off the heat of the crowd! He's fighting to his feet! Elbow to the head of Dodd! And another! And - OOH, Dodd slams him down with the X-factor!
DM: Oof, shut him down!
DT: Now Dodd to the canvas, and there's the surfboard hold! Stretching those arms of JA's at his sides and wrenching that neck and shoulders! JA's in trouble here!
MN: C'mon, JA! Tap out!
DM: The fans just won't calm down!
DT: Again JA trying to feed off the crowd! He's struggling to his feet, but Dodd won't let go! Grappling in the center of the ring - WAIT, JA WITH THE BACKSLIDE!!
ONE -
TWO -
NO! Dodd kicks out!
DM: Close one!
DT: Both men to their feet now! Dodd with the boot to the gut of JA... trying to hook the D-O-DDT, but JA powers him into the corner! Big shoulders to the gut by the champion - and there's the snap suplex out of the corner! Cover!
One!
TWO!
Dodd kicks out!
DM: JA's rallying here, Dave Thomas! This looks bad for Seb Dodd! He's gotta grab the D-O-DDT or something and shut JA down real quick!
DT: JA now, whipping Dodd off into the ropes - the big leg lariat turns Dodd inside out! Up goes JA - MOONSAULT! Could be it! One - TWO - NO, Dodd got the shoulder up!
MN: Close one!
DT: There's the signal from JA... Setting Dodd up for the KARELIN DRIVER... Dodd counters with the clubbing blows! Hooks JA's head... COULD BE IT... D-O-DDT - NO, JA GRABS THE ROPES AND DODD HITS THE GROUND ON HIS BACK, ALL BY HIMSELF!!! BRIDGE ROLLUP BY JA!!!
ONE!!
TWO!!
THREE - NO, TWO AND A HALF, and Dodd rolls to the outside to regroup!
MN: Hey, Dodd's going for the Great Equalizer!
DT: Oh dear - Dodd grabbing a steel chair out of the crowd and sliding back into the ring, right in front of referee Gardell! The official sees the chair and throws it out of the ring -- DAMMIT, DODD BOOTS JA RIGHT IN THE DAMN CROTCH!!!
DM: THE REFEREE DIDN'T SEE IT! HE WAS THROWING OUT THE CHAIR!!
MN: TACTICS!!
DT: Dammit, THIS IS DESPICABLE! Dodd hooks the head! D-O-DDT TO AN ALREADY DEVASTATED JA!! THE COVER!!!
ONE!!!
TWO!!!
THREEEEE!!! WE HAVE A NEW INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION!!!
DM: A DAMNED DIRTY HITTING-BELOW-THE-BELT ONE!!!
[The fans show their appreciation by immediately booing Dodd at the top of their lungs even as he's handed the title.]
[SFX: *DING* - Bell rings.]
TONY FATORA: Here is your winner and the NEEEEEEEEEEEEW IN-tercontinental Championnnnnnn... SEBASTIAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNN... DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODD!!
MN: I can't believe it!!! Dreams do come true!!!
DM: I think I'm gonna be sick.
DT: Nevertheless we have a new Intercontinental champion!!
DM: It only took him about fifteen shots to get it too.
DT: We've got to take a quick break, but we'll be back with more hot EPW action in just a moment!
[Cut to a commercial for US Presidential Election Battle Royal 2004. Select from all your favorite political warriors! "Long" John Kerry! "The Nuculer Nightmare" George W. Bush! "Greasy" Dick Cheney! "Screamin'" Howard Dean! They're all here on your XBox, armed, dangerous, and ready to fight tooth and nail to take your vote by force! US Presidential Election Battle Royal 2004! Only from Bentendo!]