DOE: Dear John,

Nice play last week. Enjoyed the gambit.

Now, it’s my move. Be ready.

Signed,
The Teacher

[Doe tosses the letter in the trash can, a disbelieving look on his face. Looking into his eyes, we see sheer paranoia beginning to set in. He is nervous, unsure.]

DOE: I don’t freaking believe this.

That son of a BITCH!

[FADE OUT...]

[CUE UP: "Imperial March" - Rage Against the Machine. A video montage plays, featuring smoke-wreathed images of various wrestlers, some of them leaving blurred trails as they move.

CUT TO: Beast nailing the Absolution on Adam Benjamin.

CUT TO: Karl Brown coming off the ropes with a Quebrada.

CUT TO: Christian Sands and Lindsay Troy standing victorious in the ring.

CUT TO: Troy Douglas standing victorious on a turnbuckle.

CUT TO: Adam Benjamin delivering a Shining Wizard to Karl Brown.

CUT TO: Golem cradling his claw, smirking.

CUT TO: Boogie Smallz lighting up a blunt.

CUT TO: Lindsay Troy dropkicking Christian Sands.

CUT TO: JA and Sebastian Dodd locking up in the middle of the ring.

CUT TO: Dan Ryan sitting sedately in a chair, staring into the camera.

CUTTO: With a clash of metal, a logo slams across the screen, its edges flickering.]

[Cut to the ramp, where a wreath of pyro explodes around the EmpireTron and several bomblike, smoky explosions ripple about the entry way. The camera zooms in on the screen as the pyro finally peters out, then blurs to roving shots of the roaring crowd as a small banner in the corner briefly appears to proclaim that EPW is broadcast en Espanol. Various signs are visible in the crowd: "BEAST FOR PRESIDENT!", "Hey Bolich! You're Late Again!", "THE SMARK PARTY OF AMERICA ENDORSES DAVE", "Where's Karl Brown?", "JA Is The King!", "SANDS FEARS RABESQUE", "DIS ASS!!!", and finally, "Dan Ryan Ate My Pork Chops".]

DT: Welcome, everybody, to Empire Pro Wrestling's Aggression! Welcome to Austin, Texas! We're just days away from Russian Roulette - but it looks like we're already off to a momentous start tonight! Guys, you have to believe that Troy Douglas has it in for John Doe after all that Doe's done to him.

DM: Douglas is going to butcher the kid, Dave Thomas. He's NOT a happy man judging from that letter, so Doe better watch his back.

MN: Megatron might steal his Energon!

DM: ...Out. Out the window.

MN: What window?

DM: I don't care. Just out. Now.

DT: Boys, can we grow up?

MN: But he started it, mom!

DT: Mom?!

DM: Mike's used to having manly women in his life.

MN: Exactly. ...NONONONONONONO NOT REALLY!!!

DM: BAHAHAHA! HE ADMITS IT!

DT: *snicker* God, someone take it down to the ring before I crack up!

("Whiskey in a Jar” by Metallica cranks up on the PA system and Pulsar makes his way to the ring. The crowd erupts into cheers.)

TONY FATORA: This match is a one fall three-way match and is scheduled with a 15 minute time limit. Approaching the ring and hailing from Sydney, Australia...here is Pah Pah Pah PULLLSSSSSSAAAARRRRR!

DT: Fans this one should be great.

MN: Yeah, you gotta love a match featuring Outback Jack, right there. Tie me kangaroo down, sport.

DT: What?

MN: Exactly. Those frickin’ Aussies don’t make any sense. Or maybe they do and it that is just some sick fetish they hold for kangaroos. S & M with animals?

DT: You are terrible, Neely.

MN: Hey, just call ‘em like I see ‘em.

(“Dogs of War” by Pink Floyd pumps into the arena and the fans stand on their feet.)

TF: Hailing from Payneville, Kentucky...here is the DOG OF WAR...JASON PAAAAAYYYYNNNNEEEE!

(Payne looks all business as he heads to the ring.)

DT: Neely, are you familiar with this Payne kid? He is simply awesome. I saw him a few times in NFW and was psyched to hear that he signed with EPW!

MN: This kid should stay in NFW. I’m tired of EPW continually hiring crappy wrestlers. I saw Jason Payne in a Dog Collar Match years ago and this kid named McMillan made him a star. Without that victory, I’m sure we’d all be scratchin’ our heads about this Payne guy.

DT: He certainly looks impressive to me. I think he has a great future here.

MN: Anything looks impressive to you. Didn’t you tell me last week that you thought Bridgitte Neilson was hot?

DT: Yes sir. That Flavor Flav sure is one lucky man.

MN: You need to get your eyes checked, pal.

MN: Oh man, here it comes... I've been waiting for this moment for a long time.

DT: Ladies and gentlemen, up next we should see Eric Da...

[Just as Thomas is about to finish his sentence the lights in the arena dim to blackness. Several lighters flicker on in the crowd as a low buzz is heard through the audio equipment. On the video screen, a computer generated animation of the Earth as seen from space cues up. The globe rotates amidst the stars as the low vocals of "O Fortuna" cue up. The camera slowly zooms in towards the globe, revealing more of it's features. Then, without warning, a giant hand rises behind the earth, grasping ahold of it. The muscles in the hand tense up as "O fortuna" fades out and "Sandblasted Skin (Reprise)" by Pantera slams across the loud speakers. The globe shatters, allowing pieces of the cracked earth to fall through the fingers. The distinct sound of marching is heard along with the music as the video then shows a close up of boots hitting pavement in step. Almost hypnotically, thousands of feet march to the beat of the song, passing in and out of the frame within seconds. A deep, booming voice addresses the audience...]

Voice: BOW.... BEFORE YOUR MASTER.

[The lights come back up to reveal a stream of people pouring out from the backstage area. The first wave is a mob of fairly muscular men, all wearing black "Davis" track suits. About 20 or so of these individuals pour out of the entranceway to encircle the ring as the second wave follows. Right behind them is a group of insanely attractive top-heavy women sporting "Davis" attire. Engaging in a slight jog, these full-busted beauties make their way to the ring to herald in the greatness which follows.]

MN: Holy airtime-eater Batman...

DT: Davis sure does have a knack for long entrances, doesn't he? [The video on the screen continues to play through until it rests on a single frame. The audience laughs as an incredible reproduction of Michaelangelo's Creation of Adam is shown. The only difference is that instead of Adam reaching his hand up to receive the grace of God, it is Eric Davis who is seated on the clouds. Suddenly a beam of light shines down on the ring as Eric "The Dragon" Davis, the one and only master of disaster, the ruler of all that rules, descends from the rafters with his arms outstretched. His body is navigated through the beam by a set of cables, allowing him to come down into the middle of the ring without moving a single muscle. Some laughter is heard throughout the audience, but mostly "boo"s ensue. Davis finally makes it to the canvas and drops his arms, allowing his slaves to take the harness off of him. He tosses his hands in the air as the group kneels around him. Fireworks shoot out of the four ringposts and a cascading tide of sparks comes down from the rafters around the ring.]

DT: Will this ever end?

MN: I'm thoroughly entertained Dave, I don't know about you...

DT: The music finally stops and all three men are in the ring. Payne gets in Davis’ face and they are exchanging unpleasantries. Davis backs off and payne turns around to go to his corner. NO WAIT! Davis just double-axehandled Payne into the corner. Davis follows it up with a few punches to the kidney area.

MN: Yeah, fight dirty! I love it!

(Pulsar grabs Davis by his hair and pulls him off of Payne. Pulsar with a kick to the gut and follows it up with a kneelift. Davis hits the mat and Pulsar bounces off the ropes, then drops a corkscrew elbow onto Davis. Payne now to his feet, bounces off the ropes, and legdrops Davis.)

MN: This is totally unfair! They are double-teaming him! Ref, do something!

DT: This is all within the rules and regulations for this match. Everything we have seen is legal thus far.

MN: Someone needs to evaluate some of these rules. I am sure when Eric Davis signed for this match, he wasn’t expecting a lynching!

(Pulsar and Payne whip Davis into the ropes, Payne leans over and backbody drops Davis. Pulsar follows it up with a senton splash onto the Dragon. Davis is groveling in pain and rolls out to the floor. Pulsar walks over to Payne and pats him on the back for a job well done.)

MN: This is a setup! They’ve been in on it the whole time!

DT: Pulsar patting Payne on the back and WHAM! Out of nowhere, Payne delivers a vicious elbow to Pulsar’s face! That must be his lightning quick reflexes in action.

MN: Good, I’m glad these two have turned on each other. But look at Davis, he looks to be out of it on the floor. Call 911. Someone sends out the paramedics, the man needs some help!

DT: He’s a professional, he’ll be alright.

(Payne kicks a dazed Pulsar in the gut, bounces off the ropes, and hits the hunched over Pulsar with a scissors kick. Payne lifts him to his feet and whips him into the ropes. Payne bounces off the opposite side and goes for a clothesline. Pulsar ducks, bounces off the other side, ducks another clothesline attempt, and then hits Payne from behind with a spinning heel kick.)

DT: Oh my goodness! That looked to have taken a lot out of Pulsar. Both men sprawled out on the mat, Davis still licking his wounds on the floor, and the referee is laying down the count.

MN: I don’t think Davis can recover from the beatdown these two gave him earlier on. These men could have solved their problems in a civil, peaceful manner...but instead they turned to violence. That is what is wrong with society.

DT: What do you mean? Davis attacked Payne first.

MN: Oh yeah, forgot about that.

DT: Pulsar hops to his feet. It’s almost like he is catching a second wind.

(He lifts Payne to his feet and tosses him into the corner. Pulsar backs up and charges in, shoulder first. Payne sees him coming and drops to the canvas, sending Pulsar’s shoulder crashing into the ringpost. Payne shakes off the cobwebs and wraps Pulsar up in an armbar submission. Pulsar is holding strong, but seems to be in a lot of agony.)

DT: The referee is asking Pulsar is he wants to quit, but I doubt the “bloke” will.

MN: He should if he knows what’s good for him.

DT: Pulsar is a strong-minded individual. He’s going to...

MN: LOOK! LOOK! DAVIS IS ALIVE!

DT: He is alive and well, indeed. He climbs to the top rope and Payne has his back turned with Pulsar in that submission move.

DM: Pulsar is gonna tap! He's got his arm up -]

DT: HERE COMES DAVIS!

MN: Davis off the top with a dropkick to Payne! SUH-WEET!

DT: Payne was so focused on beatin Pulsar, that he forgot about Davis. He was caught completely off guard and got assaulted out of nowhere! Payne knocked out of the ring - Davis covers Pulsar! One! TWO! THREE! Eric Davis just STOLE this match from Jason Payne outright!

[SFX: *DING* - Bell rings.]

TONY FATORA: Here is your winner... ERIIIIIIIIIIIC... DAAAAAAAAAAAVIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSS!!!

DT: Folks, Jason Payne just got robbed right here tonight. Pulsar was seconds away from tapping out when Eric Davis stole the fall from Payne red-handed.

DM: Hey, all's fair in love and war, Dave. Besides, Davis is my dogg. I'm down with the Phat D, bro.

MN: ...Phat D.

DM: Shut up. You don't have any room to talk.

DT: We'll be right back after this quick word from our sponsors!

[Cut to a political ad. 'Phantom Republican for President. Because powerbombs = good Christian family values!']