[Cue up “Hypocritical”]

DT: Well, that’s John Doe’s theme song, but I don’t see him anywhere.

DM: Maybe he’s a bit, I don’t know scared of Troy Douglas?

MN: Are you serious Matthews? Douglas barely showed up. I’m thinking maybe Doe’s going to descend from the ceiling like Davis did. He is God, you know.

DM: Oh, don’t start with that crap again. You remember last time you referred to someone as God?

MN: It was faulty electricity in my headset. Besides, this is the most godly tag team ever. The Messiah and God himself.

[Cue up “Stellar”]

DT: Well, speaking of Messiahs, here comes Sebastian Dodd with his Intercontinental Championship title belt.

MN: Finally, we have the belt in the hands of a worthy Champion!

DM: Yeah, because I really want my Intercontinental Champion to have won his belt through fraudulence and cheating.

MN: Didn’t you hear the holy gospel coming out of his mouth? He who lives by the chair dies by the chair! JA won the title only because of a chairshot...

DM: Delivered by Sebastian Dodd I might add, a shot that JA didn’t even want Dodd to deliver. Seriously, I’m beginning to wonder if you ate paint chips as a child.

MN: Nope, just paste.

[Cue up “Headstrong”]

DT: Well, here’s former Empire Tag Team co-Champion Cameron Cruise... AND JOHN DOE JUST LEAPT OVER THE GUARDRAIL AND ASSAULTED HIM!

MN: That’s where Doe was! Brilliant! God-like, I may say...

DM: If there was any justice in the world, you’d get zapped right about now.

DT: Doe just slugging a still reeling Cruise, he’s been caught totally off-guard.

[Cue up “Kashmir”]

DM: Well this ought to even things out a bit.

DT: It should, Douglas running down and... DOE JUST COLD COCKED HIM!

MN: Doe be pr...

[ZAP]

MN: What the hell!

DM: See?

DT: Doe turning back to Cruise and Cameron Cruise with the hard right to Doe, and another right and a DDT TO THE OUTSIDE FLOOR!

DM: What impact... that’s what Joey Melton sees in this kid.

DT: Well, Melton is a shrewd veteran and has seen a lot... now Cruise is dragging Doe and tosses him into the ring.

[SFX: Bell rings]

DT: And now the match will start. Douglas heading to the ring after getting his bell rung too. Cruise has Doe up, chop to the chest,

CROWD: WOOO!

DT: ... and another chop...

CROWD: WOOO!

DT: ...and another chop!

CROWD: WOOO!

DM: What impact by Cameron Cruise...

MN: Bah, it barely fazes Go...

[ZAP]

MN: Jesus, I thought they fixed that problem!

DM: Heh...

DT: Doe’s grabbing his chest and Cruise grabs his arm, Irish whip, Cruise with the clothesline, but Doe ducks it, rebound, Cruise turns around and FLYING CROSS CHOP by John Doe! Cruise to the canvas. Doe pops up and...

MN: Ah yes, job well done!

DM: No it’s not! He should be covering or following up, not gloating to the crowd or trying to out ego his tag team partner.

MN: Hey, Sebastian Dodd deserves the ego he has! He’s the Eye-See Champ, and he totally dominated JA!

DM: Excuse me while I throw up my filling, great tasting Taco Bell Big Bell Menu lunch which is not from how good the food is, but from how vile you are.

MN: Wow, someone get a new endorsement deal?

DM: How good of you to notice.

DT: Well, while you two were being children again, John Doe just tagged in Sebastian Dodd and Dodd’s grappling with Cruise now.

DM: You’re just bitter that your only endorsement is with Surge.

DT: STOP IT! I told you I don’t like being compared to Tony Schi... WHOA! Cruise just planted Dodd with a Northern Lights suplex...

...one...

...two... but the Intercontinental Champion kicks out.

DM: That should bring the Doddler down to Earth a bit.

MN: Nonsense. No one’s perfect, Dodd’ll bounce back and cream this loser.

DM: Hey, I thought you said Dodd was the Messiah. The Messiah’s supposed to be perfect.

MN: Yeah, well... shut up.

DT: Dodd’s up and a bit shaken. Cruise rushes in with a clothesline, but Dodd ducks and counters with a hangman’s neckbreaker! Dodd bounces off the ropes and... what’s that? Doe just slapped him on the back!

DM: Blind tag! Doe wants back at Cruise. They’ve had some hostilities all around the wrestling world, and right about now, I think Cruise may be higher on Doe’s hitlist than Troy Douglas is.

DT: Well Dodd doesn’t seem to be too thrilled with it and he’s talking to Doe. But here comes Cruise and he just knocked Dodd right into Doe!

DM: Smart move by Cruise.

DT: I agree, Cruise scoops up Doe and... shoulderbreaker! Cruise over to the corner and he tags in Troy Douglas for the first time in this match. Douglas goes over to Doe and... DOE JUST ROLLED UP DOUGLAS IN A SMALL PACKAGE AS HE WAS PICKING HIM UP...

...one...

...two...

...but Douglas kicks out! That was close, almost a flash pin!

MN: Well, maybe Douglas should get his head more in the game.

DT: Both men get up and Doe just unloads on Douglas. Douglas hits back, Doe again, Douglas again... these men are trading blows here. Douglas with another punch, but Doe ducks.... backslide...

...one...

...two...

...but Douglas kicks out again! Doe almost got two flash pins on Douglas here.

DM: Man, Douglas really needs to get his head in the game here.

MN: I agree. Man, hell must be freezing over, either that, or the forces of Dodd and Doe have benevolently given you divine wisd...

[ZAP]

MN: OUCH!

DT: Doe gets Douglas to his knees and... BIG BUZZSAW KICK! Douglas slumps down and Doe turns him over to cover...

...one...

...two...

...no! Douglas kicks out again!

DM: This match could be over before it really begins.

DT: Maybe, and Doe’s going to try it. He’s signaling for the Amnesia Attack... whip off the ropes, Doe’s running, and...

DM: Blind tag again, this time Cruise on Douglas!

DT: But that’s not going to save him... DOE JUST NAILED TROY DOUGLAS WITH THE AMNESIA ATTACK... BUT LEGAL MAN CRUISE JUST HIT DOE WITH A FLIPOVER NECKBREAKER! Cruise covers...

...one...

...Doe kicks out after one!

DM: Cameron Cruise just saved his team right there.

MN: He won’t be able to save them from the combined godlike powers of...

[ZAP]

MN: AH! You didn’t know what I was going to say!

DM: You act as if I’m the one zapping you, Neels.

DT: Cruise picks Doe back up and, DOE WITH THE JAWBREAKER! He reels back and tags in the Intercontinental Champion!

MN: Dodd bless you all...

[ZAP]

MN: OH THE AGONY!

DM: I’m telling you, don’t screw with the Big Guy upstairs.

MN: What, you mean someone saved JA’s Buddy Christ statue?

DT: Back to the action, Dodd grabs a still stunned Cruise and... vertical suplex. Dodd goes back to the canvas and locks in a figure four.

DM: Shades of Joey Melton and Ric Flair here.

MN: Only neither guy is in Dodd’s league.

DM: Yeah, right. And what are you getting on Melton for. You know you’ll be rooting for him tonight against Beast.

MN: Well yeah, but that’s because Big Loafy is the greatest of all evils here.

DT: Dodd’s got that move locked in tight, but Cruise turns over! Cameron Cruise has reversed the hold!

DM: If Doddler were so godlike, he’d just release the hold.

DT: I think he heard you there Dean, because he just did.

MN: Nah, he was always going to do it.

DT: Both men, slow to get up, they turn to face each other... Cruise with a left, but Dodd ducks, goes behind and... German suplex with bridge...

...one...

...two...

...thr... no! Cruise kicks out!

DM: Close call.

DT: Yeah, and Dodd’s not relenting either. He grabs Doe by the leg and hits a dragon screw leg whip, converting seamlessly into a single leg crab.

DM: Great chain wrestling there by the Eye-See Champ.

MN: Godlike, even?

[ZAP]

DM: No.

DT: Dodd’s got that hold locked in, Cruise is squirming, trying to get out. And now Troy Douglas is trying to get in, but the ref’s restraining him! Now Doe’s in the ring and he just NAILED Cruise in the head with his boot! Dodd’s leaving the ring and Doe’s in now, the ref’s not any the wiser...

DM: Just another reason for mandatory IQ tests for refs, or at least two refs for tag matches.

MN: Oh quiet, those two men are godly. They ca...

[ZAP]

MN: STOP THAT!

DM: I don’t think God can hear you, big shot.

DT: Doe going to work on Cruise, stomping him. He’s got Cruise back up and... snap suplex!

MN: Crisp and clean by Doe.

DM: Right, now maybe he’ll follow up instead of gloating.

DT: And he does, grabbing Cruise and picking him up. Doe off the ropes and... big running DDT! Cover...

...one....

...two...

...no! Cruise kicks out! Doe picks Cruise up again, and he’s signaling for another Amnesia Attack! He whips Cruise off the ropes, Doe runs and... CRUISE DUCKED! HE COUNTERS WITH A NECKBREAKER!

DM: Big counter by Cruise there! Both men down!

DT: Doe seems to be going for a tag, but Cruise isn’t, he’s just trying to recover.

DM: He might have lost a little faith in his partner.

MN: No matter what, nothing will save him. His opposition is go...

[ZAP]

MN: OUCH!

DT: Doe tags Dodd, and Dodd rushes over, but... CRUISE COUNTERS WITH A DROP TOE HOLD! Cruise up, Dodd up, Dodd rushes in, but Cruise clotheslines him down! Cruise scoops up Dodd over the shoulder...

DM: Oh man, could we see...

DT: SHIPWRECK! SHIPWRECK! CRUISE HIT DODD WITH THE SHIPWRECK! HE COVERS...

...one...

DM: Here comes Doe, but Douglas catches him...

DT: ...two...

...three!

[SFX: bell]

TONY FATORA: Here are your winners, Cameron Cruise and Troy Douglas!

DT: What a win for Cameron Cruise here tonight, and you have to believe this doesn't bode well for Sebastian Dodd.

DM: Dodd just had an off night... I guarantee he's gonna be rarin' to go at Russian Roulette!

DT: We've got to take a break, but when we come back, it's Sands and JA, one on one!

[Cut to a commercial for Sea World.]