DT: Well, it’s time for us to see the in-ring debut of Troy Windham’s Entourage. This ought to be interesting. MN: Interesting, Dave? It will be AWE-INSPIRING! August de la Rossi is going to introduce you to the exciting world of culture. Salvador Dali surrealist paintings, Pavement b-sides, films that won the Palme d’Or at the Cannes Film Festival.

DM: Hey, did that taste good?

MN: What’s that, one of those oh-so delicious Krispy Kreme donuts that you’re promoting this week?

DM: No you idiot, I have the Dunkin’ Donuts contract. What I meant was, did August’s anal crevasse taste good?

DT: Dean, let’s keep it civil…

(Cue up “Take Me Out”)

Tony Fatora: This match is scheduled for one fall… introducing first, representing the Epitome Troy Windham and weighing in at a total combined weight of 500 pounds, THE ENTOURAGE!

DT: Well, here they come.

(Crowd boos.)

DM: Yeah, and from the sound of this Big Easy crowd, they should get sent back.

MN: This is an outrage! Don’t these people know how cool the Entourage is? They spit on the bourgeois pigs! They were listening to the Arcade Fire before the Arcade Fire was cool! You show some respect!

DT: Neels, calm down…

MN: Yeah, this coming from the guy who got hysterical because JA and Savoy destroyed your Surge earlier.

DT: Hey that… well, never mind. You got me there.

DM: Hey, don’t take no lip from Neels, Dave. You’re… well, slightly better than he is.

MN: Hey!

(Cue up “Headstrong”)

Tony Fatora: And their opponents, weighing in at a total combined weight of 459 pounds, they are the former Empire Pro World Tag Team Champions… THE CAMERON CRUISE PROJECT!

(Crowd pops)

DT: Listen to that reaction for the former Tag Team Champions!

DM: Yeah, and this ain’t no barn filled with Kansas co-eds either, although I wouldn’t mind it if it was.

MN: You pervert…

DM: I’m sorry, did I interrupt your thought process of coming up with new ways to fawn over the Entourage?

DT: Alright, Cruise and Melton are in the ring now, and it looks like we’re going to start off with Cameron and de la Rossi.

DM: I just think it’s funny that Melton’s so hasty to let Cammy start the match here.

MN: Melton’s not as dumb as he looks then. He knows he’s gonna get outclassed in there. Why not wait?

DM: I don’t think so, Neels.

DT: Zoltan stalks out of the ring, Cruise and de la Rossi to start.

(DING DING DING!)

DT: Cruise and de la Rossi circle each other, Cameron lunges, but August jumps back, now goading Cruise to come in. Cruise charges in, August leaps out of the way. Cruise is looking frustrated now…

MN: I would too if I was getting outhustled by the quicker man.

DT: Cameron Cruise is just standing still now as the loudmouthed member of Troy Windham’s Entourage is just jumping, goading him. You have to wonder how long he can keep this up before something happens.

DM: Well, Cruise isn’t biting. We may be here awhile, unless Melton gets antsy.

DT: Cruise is now walking slowly towards de la Rossi, August stepping back, and… HOLY CRAP! Zoltan just nailed Cruise! Cruise got too close to the ropes and Zoltan ran up the apron and clocked Cruise!

MN: That’s right August, you tell him he’s only a cog in the Ameri-Kay-Kay-Kay-an dream!

DM: You’re unbelievab…

DT: And here comes Melton, but the ref is holding him back! Now Zoltan and August are in the ring, stomping away at Cameron Cruise! Melton’s restrained, ref turns around… and August slides out of the ring before he can see it. Zoltan now going to work on Cruise…

DM: You know, in this day and age, you’d think that the ref would know who the legal man is instead of just assuming there was a tag when his back was turned.

MN: Oh quiet down Dean, you know wrestling rarely makes sense.

DM: Yeah, I mean, we still do employ you…

DT: Zoltan still putting the boots and snorting at Cruise as he’s on the canvas squirming. The Big Z, now picking up Cruise by the small of his neck, grabs him by the arm and… short arm clothesline! Shades of Jake Roberts…

DM: Only a whole crapload bigger…

DT: Zoltan with the cover…

…one…

…two…

…Cameron kicks out.

MN: Zoltan is in the process of manhandling Cameron Cruise! The Epitome will be pleased, no doubt.

DM: Yeah, except the match isn’t even five minutes old yet and there’s a hardened veteran across the ring…

MN: Ready to pass out due to missing his dosage of Geritol today.

DT: Zoltan grabs Cruise and picks him up again, this time slinging him over his shoulder.

MN: STAMPEEEEEEDE!!

DT: Zoltan rushes to the corner… Oklahoma stampede!

MN: I just said that, dippy.

DT: Regardless… cover…

…one…

…two…

…Cruise kicks out again. And now August is screaming to get in the ring.

MN: Maybe he wants to extol the virtues of Morrissey to young Cameron.

DT: I highly doubt that. Zoltan tags in his eager tag partner, de la Rossi… OH MY! Springboard guillotine leg drop onto Cruise! And now August covers…

…one…

…two…

…Cruise kicks out!

DM: Cammy’s taken a lot of punishment so far. I’m impressed that he’s hung in there…

MN: It’s only a matter of time. August is going to make him feel the wrath of Troy vicariously!

DT: August is grabbing Cruise to his feet and yelling at him all the way.

DM: Ah, that August, he never knows when to stop. How charming.

DT: Well, Cruise can’t do much about it right now… August with a reverse heel kick to the back of Cruise’s head! Cameron Cruise down to the mat like a sack of potatoes, and now August is going to work… one leg drop, and he’s up that quickly… two leg drops, up one more time, three leg drops! He covers…

MN: Three leg drops, three count!

DT: One…

…two…

..thr… NO! Cameron Cruise puts his foot on the ropes!

DM: That was close. The former Tag Champs are in trouble…

DT: August has Cruise up… he’s sizing him up, goes right behind him… Slack… NO! Cruise got the ropes and held them at the last second! August de la Rossi to the canvas like a ton of bricks!

DM: Sweet sassy molassy!

MN: No! August! Get up!

DT: August de la Rossi is stunned! He’s slowly getting up to his feet in shock and Cameron Cruise leaps across the ring…

(Cameron tags, the crowd explodes)

DT: Here comes Joey Melton! This crowd is going nuts! August up, charging at Joey… clothesline! De la Rossi’s down! Melton’s screaming at him to get back up! He’s up… and Melton sends him down again! Melton’s a house on fire!

MN: I hope he burns down… GO ENTOURAGE!!

DT: Melton’s dragging de la Rossi to his feet, haymaker right, another haymaker right, and… DDT! Melton covers…

…one…

…two…

…de la Rossi kicks out! Melton’s up again, he’s got August, front facelock… slingshot suplex!

DM: Could we see the Figure Four?

DT: I don’t know, Melton’s up and he’s looking at Cruise, asking him if he wants a piece.

MN: Bad idea! We’re only going to see a repeat of earlier in the match…

DT: Melton tags in Cruise, Cruise comes storming in the ring. He’s got August, over the shoulder… shoulderbreaker!

DM: Cruise control!

MN: That was lame, Dean.

DM: Not as lame as your butt-tonguing of August and his boy toy.

DT: Cruise is up, and he’s got de la Rossi, front face lock… one suplex. He’s kept him locked in… two suplexes… and now… he’s got him up… GORDBUSTER! August spikes up from the canvas, and Cruise SENDS HIM DOWN with a clothesline! Cover…

…one…

…two…

…but de la Rossi kicks out. Cruise is up and now he’s waiting on de la Rossi to get up.

DM: Payback time!

MN: For what? August de la Rossi is a cultured man! He doesn’t deserve such treatment!

DT: Well, that cultured man is up and… kick to the gut, big impact DDT… Cruise rolls through and is up!

DM: Cameron Cruise in control of this match. Maybe he’s as good as Melton says he is.

MN: Bah, Melton’s probably senile.

DT: Cruise grabs de la Rossi and picks him up… goes behind and… German suplex, with a pin…

…one…

…two…

…but August kicks out. Cruise goes over to the corner and tags in Melton. Joey Melton’s in, they whip August off the ropes and… double clothesline! Cover…

…one…

…two…

..thr… no! August de la Rossi kicks out.

DM: Well, the Artiste has to be near the end here.

MN: No, this can’t be happening! Someone, play some Pixies! Do something!

DT: Melton picks de la Rossi up, whips him off the ropes… rebound… OH MY! August de la Rossi just hit Melton with that hurricane rana!

MN: What a work of art!

DT: Melton is stunned from the suddenness of that move, and now de la Rossi’s over to the corner and tags in Zoltan!

MN: Here comes the big man!

DT: He’s got Melton… short arm clothesline! Melton hard down to the canvas! Zoltan’s not relenting, he’s got Melton, and… full nelson!

DM: Chris Masters, eat your heart out.

MN: It’s a work of art, that move! Just look at the pain in the geezer’s eyes.

(The crowd buzzes as Leonard Johnson steps out onto the stage, followed closely by Max and Jecht, better known as Blitz – the EPW World Tag Team Champions.)

DM: And we have company.

DT: Apparently the champs decided to do some advance scouting after all.

DM: Smart move.

DT: He’s got it locked in tight, and now he just drops Melton like yesterday’s trash. Just look at that guy’s raw power, Joey Melton’s no shrimp and he’s being manhandled in there.

MN: I know. I like to call it euthanasia.

DM: You know Neels, I’m sure Melton could still kick your ass.

MN: Not after that…

DT: Zoltan picks Melton up, Irish whip… BIG BOOT! Melton folds like a house of cards… Zoltan covers…

…one…

…two…

…but Joey Melton kicks out.

DM: Well, this Zoltan guy’s pretty devastating.

MN: Please, that’s like calling Paris Hilton a little slutty.

DM: You’d do her though.

MN: Damn straight.

DT: Gentlemen… family show! Zoltan scoops up Melton… Oklahoma Stampede! Cover…

…one…

…two…

…th… no! Melton kicks out!

(The camera cuts and we see Max and Jecht listening as Johnson whispers an observation in their ears.)

DM: Well, I think Melton did take his Geritol.

MN: Hey! Only I’m allowed to make age jokes.

DT: Zoltan’s up and… now August de la Rossi is screaming out. I think he wants in to finish Melton off himself.

MN: Like an artist…

DT: Zoltan tags August in… and what’s this?

DM: Well, judging from the angle the arena lights are hitting Zoltan’s chrome dome and the exact calibration of my wrist watch, methinks he’s going to climb on Zoltan’s shoulders.

DT: Well you’re… right. August de la Rossi on Zoltan’s shoulders and… shooting star… NO! HE MISSED! MELTON MOVED! de la Rossi up and Melton with the quick roll up…

…one…

…two…

…three!

(DING DING DING!)

Tony Fatora: Here are your winners by pinfall… THE CAMERON CRUISE PROJECT!!

DT: The former champs take the win and August De La Rossi is none too pleased. Zoltan charges Cameron Cruise, but Cruise and Melton slip out under the bottom rope before he can reach them!!

(Cruise and Melton turn to go up the ramp and stop in their tracks seeing Blitz at the top. The champs, for their part only smile briefly at The Project and clap before backing slowly toward the curtain, turning and walking through.)

DT: Folks it’s been an action packed night already, but when we get back it’s the MAIN EVENT!!

MN: Time for Cross to finally get his!