(Cut to: Dan Ryan's office as he is on the phone and still not in a good mood. There’s a knock on the door.) Ryan: Let me call you back. People seem to love bothering me during important business. Ok...ok...bye.

(He looks at the door) WHAT!

(A large bulit man opens the door as he enters the office.)

Guard: Sir, he's here.

Ryan: Who’s here? This better be important.

Guard: Doe...

Ryan: Bring him in...now.

(The man reaches outside the door yanking Doe inside the room dragging him by the collar of his shirt then lets him go in front of Ryan's desk.)

Doe: HEY! This is a $75 dollar polo you prick!

Ryan: Sit.....NOW!

(The man forces Doe to sit in the chair infront of the desk.)

Ryan: I guess you think you’re slick huh?...skipping out of town trying to get out of your contract….. as you can see I can find anyone.

Doe: F*ck you.

Ryan: Shut him up please.

(The guard slugs Doe in the mouth causing him to bleed.)

Ryan: Thank you. Now listen and listen good… you’re not getting out of your contact. You’re stuck here, we paid you thousands of dollars to wrestle and you’re staying here, wrestling, and you are wrestling under a suspension of pay.

Doe: You can't do that.....

Ryan: Oh, I can and I am. You are going to wrestle for free until you’ve decided to beg for forgiveness. Call it community service.

Doe: Yeah, that will happen when you pull your head out your ass!

Ryan: That's touching, John. You need to learn respect. Jimmy, teach Mr. Doe respect.

(The man slams Doe’s head against the desk and lifts his head back up by his hair.)

Ryan: You are wrestling…. and your contract right here… (taps the open folder laying across his desk) ….that you signed says you have a couple more years, and I expect to use all of them.

(Doe spits a bloody spit at the contract as he looks at Ryan)

Doe: That's what I think of your contract.

(Ryan smiles, then violently reaches across and grabs Doe’s head, slamming it hard against the desk and crashing it down on it)

Ryan: You will respect my office and my business. You are wrestling or you are going to jail. Now you get the hell out of my office before I break you. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?

(Ryan pushes Doe back by his head, forcing the chair backwards so that the chair falls over and his head hits against the floor. Doe stands up gingerly.)

Doe: Clear as crystal, Danny.

Ryan: Get him out of here.

(The man grabs Doe by the collar dragging him out again, Doe flipping off Ryan as he exit the door)

Ryan: (under his breath) Idiot.

DT: And we’re back! John Doe doesn’t seem to have a very good sense of timing does he?

DM: I’d say not. After that Hornet fiasco, the boss is in a foul mood indeed.

(MUSIC CUEUP: Detroit Rock City - KISS)

DT: Well fellas, it’s time for The Motor City Maniacs vs. the remnants of the Cameron Cruise Project, take two!

(CUTTO: The Motor City Maniacs, Ripper Robertson and Max Mayhem bolting out of the gate like bulls released into a rodeo ring by an airhorn. The win earlier in the night relived some of the pressure of their debut. Melton and Hiroshi, well, more Melton really, self-destructed, but Ripper and Max felt at home in the squared circle. Left in their wake is Paradise. She thought maybe she'd change outfits for the second match, but decided to earn credibility in EPW before overplaying to the crowd. Likewise, with the B-12 confidence boost from the Melton/Hiroshi win, Paradise's leggy strides reach the extra mile. EPW will work, just fine.)

DT: Robertson and Mayhem look to make to 2 for their debut night! Mike, Dave, has there been a team in EPW history to debut with two wins on the same card?

DM: Don't we have a stat department to look that crap up?

MN: Why do you think Freeman stuck you here next to me? Go fetch the media guide and I don't want to see you back here until you've got PAPER CUTS that prove you were face deep looking for Dave's answer.

DM: I'm on it...

(CUTTO: The Motor City Maniacs jacking themselves up for the closer. A win would vault them right into the top of the Tag scene.)

(MUSIC CUEUP: Headstrong - Trapt)

(CUTTO: Cameron Cruise and Kin Hiroshi, slap hands on their way out as the crowd in the RCA Dome gives them a hero's welcome. The pressure's off, with Cruise knowing Melton lost. A win, and he proves why the team took his namesake. Hiroshi, eager to shake the bad taste of teaming with Joey out of his mouth, jogs to ringside, and Cruise follows at the same pace. ON THE SAME PAGE, ALREADY!)

(SFX: DING! DING!)

DT: Cameron Cruise offering to start against Robertson, a nice change of pace, after Melton CHOOSE Kin for the rights a half-hour ago!

MN: Joey's some kind of wonderful, Dave.

DT: Melton's a leg down in this competition, the Cameron Cruise Project wrestleoff! If Cruise and Hiroshi pin the Maniac's shoulders to the mat, Cameron Cruise is the winner!

MN: Do we actually know what Cruise wins?

(Cruise and Robertson lock up! Collar and elbow tie-up!)

DM: Pride. But, after teaming with Melton for over year, Cameron's got a ways to go before he's in the black there.

DT: Cruise powers Ripper into a side-headlock! Robertson scoops Cameron, BELLY-TO-BACK SUPLEX! Ripper up fast, defying ring rust, elbow drop on Cruise's mush!

MN: Mush? I had that once. Pissed blood for weeks.

DT: Cruise is whipped off the ropes, side-slam by Ripper-no!! Flying leg scissors by Cruise! Quick tag to Hiroshi, and the Muffin Man...

MN: Master of sexual ceremonies.

DT: I'm not calling him that!

DM: Why not, Dave Does.

DT: And the Muffin Man with a short-arm clothesline! Ripper up! Drop-toe hold by Hiroshi, into a STEP-OVER! STEP-OVER-TOE HOLD!

MN: This is where spending the last ten years delivering pizzas will hurt Robertson. I doubt he felt this kind of pressure delivering two large one toppings, an order of wings, and a 2 liter to dorm rooms. What, with no money back guarantee and all.

DT: Hiroshi twisting the left ankle of Ripper! But, Robertson rolls, counters, and kicks Hiroshi back to his corner! Tag to Cruise, but Robertson hobbles to take as well, Mayhem over the ropes, shoulderblock on Cruise!

DM: Uncharted waters for the night, both teams have tagged. Nice. Women and children allowed back in the room.

DT: Max Irish whips the Crippler, somersault, DDT! Mayhem showing he moves...

MN: Like a little girl...but hey..

DM: It threw Cruise off enough to work.

DT: Max knocks Hiroshi off the apron!! Uncalled for! And the ref's letting him hear about it too!

MN: Rhyme and Reason, Thomas. Rhyme and Reason.

(CUTTO: Paradise reaching in the ring to choke Cruise over the middle rope as the ref warns Mayhem. The crowd hates it.)

DT: More than a good luck charm I see! Ref calling for the action to restart, as Cruise coughs up a lung.

MN: What you thought she was just pretty face? She's in business with these boys, taking probably ten percent, or just the odd sexual favor here and there. That's what Dean works for, when he moonlights.

DM: Thin ice.

DT: Max makes the tag. Robertson to the middle turnbuckle, as Mayhem crouches, sticking his head under Cruise' crotch...

MN: Somewhere Beau Michaels is crying.

DT: Mayhem's up, he's got Cruise on his shoulders...Robertson NECKBREAKER FROM THE MIDDLE TURNBUCKLE! One, two..near fall! Cameron Cruise showing heart to kick from that devastating move! Another tag by the Maniacs, Robertson lays Cruise out over the top rope like a rag doll, pulling his legs back...Mayhem off the top rope KNEE TO CRUISE'S BACK!

MN: I think Hiroshi should pull a Melton. Hike, and let Cruise take the fall. Really, isn't that how it works?

DT: Hiroshi's a better man than that!

DM: Come again?

DT: Cruise buries a right hand into Mayhem's gut! Another! Another! OH!! Mayhem thumb to the eye! TAG! Robertson in, double whip into the ropes, SPINEBUSTER, FIST DROP OVER CRUISE'S FOREHEAD!

MN: Run, now Hiroshi. Kicking and screaming if you like, just move.

DT: Two count on a pin attempt! Cameron still fighting! He knows if they can score a pinfall he wins! His chance to shut Melton up, and have the last word! Ripper throws Cruise's lifeless left arm over his shoulder, SMALL PACKAGE by Cameron! ONE...TWO...NO! Robertson to his feet, looking a mite ticked, GARVIN STOMP but Cruise with a single-arm leg sweep! Cameron on his feet, leaps onto the middle rope and SPRINGS to Kin's outstretched left hand!

(SFX: TAG!)

DT: Hiroshi's in! It's a legal tag! He nails Ripper with a left jab! Mayhem in illegally I might add, and he eats a day-old stale muffin to the chops! Kin sends Max to the ropes, SUPERKICK! Mayhem's gonna need a moment alone! Kin fires Robertson into the ropes, Hiroshi hits the mat, leap frog by Ripper, Cruise catches him in mid-air! SHIPWRECK! SHIPWRECK! This could be it!!

(CUTTO: Paradise screaming in agony, pounding the mat!)

(CUTTO: Hiroshi covering Robertson for the win!)

DT: This is it! Cameron Cruise to ensure the judges are stealing money tonight!

(CUTTO: A fan jumping the guardrail, wearing a ridiculous afro wig, tan khaki pants, a Karen-O T-shirt, and lots of Bling. The fan DIVES into the ring and drops an axe handle over the ref's neck, like, hurting him and stuff. The pin, as much as it was, cannot go on.)

DT: What in star blazes?!

MN: EH DAVE! EH DAVE!

DM: Mike, is that?

(The crowd is HOT, as the fan drops Cruise like a bad habit via the slacknife! "TROY" chants break out.)

MN: Troy Windham is in EPW! TROY WINDHAM IS IN EPW!

DT: Can it be?! But what's he doing in this match! Come on Troy!!

(Windham jumps up and done like an ADD child miming the pee Ryance.)

MN: He's here to destroy EPW! He closed the GXW, he can close EPW as well! I believe! Yes, I beliiiiiiiiiiiieve.

DT: Hiroshi swings at Troy, block! NUT SHOT FROM TROY! Look at the arrogance as Windham fargo struts around the ring! Does he have a contract?

MN: Who cares!

DM: Neely, crab the red phone and call Ryan!

(CUTTO: Windham strutting near the ropes, motioning to Robertson to finish off Cruise, between steps. Too bad Troy Doesn't see Paradise hop up on the apron behind him, boost herself by standing on the bottom rope, and reach for the Afro wig. YANK!)

(The crowd GASPS.)

DT: The wig is off! This wig is off!

MN: I feel like I'm at an Elton John concert...

(CUTTO: 'Troy' minus the wig looking like the friend who forgot to bring the Super Bowl tickets.)

DT: That's not Troy Windham! It's Joey Melton! What's going on here?

MN: There goes the erection. Thanks Joey...

DT: Melton trying to sabotage Cruise's match! Joey with a swipe at Paradise but she's off the apron and to the floor! (the crowd heartily booing Melton. It's like finding an apple in your Christmas stocking.) Joey turns, LOOK OUT! Robertson's got him by the throat! Melton gesturing to Cameron, but it's too late. CHOKESLAM! (The roof lifts off)

MN: Dean, how are you scoring this bout?

DM: So, that's not Troy?

MN: Choice.

DT: Melton's counting sheep! Hiroshi NUT SHOT! Cruise schoolboy roll up, (every fan leaps to their feet) ONE, TWO...THREEEEEE!! Cameron Cruise and Kin Hiroshi have won it!

(CUTTO: Mayhem diving in a moment too late. Dispirited at the pinfall, bouncing a fist off the sweat-stained mat.)

DT: Look at Cameron Cruise and Hiroshi embrace! THAT was teamwork Neely!

MN: I was really hoping this would have to go to the judges on a double loss. Then we see who REALLY paid them off.

(CUTTO: A shaken Melton waking enough to roll out of the ring. Bent over outside, he surveys the scene, and kicks the ring steps!)

DT: The winner of the Cameron Cruise Project Wrestleoff, Cameron Cruise and Kin Hiroshi! Good match fellas!

MN: Just a side-note here, do you remember back in the mid-80s when the piledriver was outlawed? Can we with hindsight determine why?

(CUTTO: The crowd leaning over the guardrail taunting a retreating Melton. Joey slaps a drink cup out of one fan's meaty paws, and disgustedly punches the air. As the noise hits a fever pitch, Melton pulls out a house mic.)

MELTON: CRUISEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! CRUISSSSSSSSSSE! Wipe that smug look off your face, you haven't beaten me! (Booo) I'm calling a DO-OVER!

DT: A Do-over?

MN: First he CHOOSES Hiroshi before a match, now he's calling DO-OVERS? What grade is Joey in again?

DM: Really, is Troy here?

(CUTTO: Cruise and Hiroshi in ring laughing.)

JOEY MELTON: These idiots distr---(Joey lunches at a fan) KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT, PUNK. (skillfully back to Cruise) These idiots broke the first rule, and harassed me, breaking my focus!

MN: He's right, Joey Doesn't go to their work and harass them!

DM: Well, he probably pays people to go in to Wal-Mart for him.

(CUTTO: Cruise rolling his eyes. Now the world sees his pain.)

JOEY MELTON: This never happened! This never happened!

MN: Boy, I've been there.

DM: If he starts screaming, "She said she was 18" this becomes Best of DVD material.

JOEY MELTON: No more slight of hand, cheap parlor tricks Cruise. It's time to get SERIOUS! Next week, you, me, the salad tosser...

MN: FYI, he means Hiroshi.

JOEY MELTON: In a three-man tag match!

DT: Three-man tag?

DM: Cruise and Melton, one-on-one but both have the opportunity to tag in Hiroshi.

(CUTTO: Cruise and Hiroshi interested.)

JOEY MELTON: If you've got the guts you yellow bellied DOG! THAT'S RIGHT I SAID IT CRUISE. DOG! If you've got the guts, tell Freeman to draw up the contract and next week I'll have earplugs in to better prepare---(Melton again turns to the fan) I SAID, SHUT UP. (back to Cruise) In seven days, Sweetie, my mental game switches gears. I'm raising the bar! Yes, against all odds, Cruise...apparently after 18 months, I HAVE TO TAKE YOU SERIOUSLY!

DT: Next week, it's Cruise/Hiroshi/Melton! Three-man tag!

(CUTTO: Cruise and Hiroshi inviting Melton in the ring to fight.)

MN: Heh, he said yellow-bellied.

DT: Alright, time to go to comm... wait, I'm getting word that we're going to hear from JA.

MN: JA? What? I thought he died and went to hell or something after Steve Savoy finally disposed of his silly behind last week.'

DM: Apparently not, Neels, and I for one am interested.

(Cut to a shot of JA in front of an Empire Pro background.)

JA: You know, Jericoholicholics, I'm a bit disappointed.

I came here tonight to try and get me some revenge on Shawn Jessica Bubbles Hart for beating the holy hell out of me with a steel chair last week. But everywhere I went, he was nowhere to be found. In his locker room, but not there. I tried for the commissary, no dice. I even went to where all the stoners smoke up, and still, I couldn't find his punk ass.

I even tried to track him down after his big tag match with all the TV title guys, but he just disappeared. It was almost like he wasn't here at Aggression tonight.

So, since it seems he'd rather shift in the shadows than get what's coming to him, well, I guess I have to bring the fight to him. And I did. In fact, I did something that he won't forget for a long, long time.

(Cut to the Steve Savoy estate. A dump truck backs up to the front door and unloads a giant payload of cow manure in front of the door so that it blocks the door. The camera swivels around to show giant, medieval catapults filled with cow manure. A man who looks strangely like Christopher Lee dressed up as Saruman orders them to fire, and the catapults simultaneously fling the manure at the Savoy household.

Cut back to JA.)

JA: So there you see, I've heaped up Shawna's estate in the same amount of bullsh[bleep] that his sudden disappearance is. Now, if Stevie-kins wants to dig himself out from all that bull-dookie and decide to finish this issue with me mano-a-mano, then by all means, he's welcome. But since I doubt he will, I shall turn my attention to more pressing matters.

And those pressing matters are me getting back into an Empire Pro ring to wrestle. Sure, I may not have much ring rust due to my committments in Aye-One-Ee and the See-Ess-Dub, but I'm afraid some of our fans may have forgotten that the Anglo Luchador is still on the roster.

So next week, at the last Aggression before Black Dawn, I'm putting out an open challenge to anyone on the roster who thinks they can hang with the Anglo Luchador to step up, one time only, no strings attached, no blood-feuds, no animosity. Just two guys, wrestling their hearts out in front of a capacity crowd.

So what say you, Empire Pro? Step up, or else I'll get Christopher Lee to fling more bullsh[bleep] at your houses!

(Cut to the announcers' table)

DT: Well, that was quite the interesting segment.

DM: Yeah, remind me never to piss off the Anglo Luchador.

MN: Yeah, I mean, I don't need any freaky Lord of the Rings fanboys dressed up in front of my house.

DM: I was referring more to the mounds of poop.

MN: Yeah, that too.

DT: Alright, now we'll be back after this commercial break.