MN: Well, spank my ass and call me Nancy. 

DM: Okay, Nancy. 

DT: So we’ve got a little switch here tonight. Karl Brown and Sebastian Dodd will face each other at Black Dawn, and Jack Owyns will face John Doe here tonight. 

[CUE UP: Sunny Day by Zug Island, and Jack Owyns begins heading down the ramp.] 

[SFX: Bell rings.] 

TONY FATORA: Ladies and gentlemen, the following match is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit. Introducing first, from Seattle, Washington... 

MN: Where the sun never shines... 

TF: ... he stands six feet, one inch tall and weighs in at two hundred and thirty seven pounds... 

DM: You've been watching too much "Who's Line Is It Anyway?" again, haven't you? 

TF: ... he is... JAAAAAAAAAAAAACK OOHHHHWYNNNNNNNNS! 

Owyns enters the ring and hops up and down, waiting for his opponent. 

[CUE UP: "Hypocritical" By Methods of Mayhem, and John Doe makes his way out from the back.] 

TF: Aaaaand his opponent! Hailing from Parts Unknown, he also stands six feet, one inch tall and weighs in at two hundred and ten pounds... he is... JOHNNNNNN DOOOOEEEEEEEE!!! 

DT: John Doe slides into the ring, looking to get - but Owyns doesn't let him! Owyns is stomping away at Doe! He hasn't even gotten to his feet once yet! 

[SFX: Bell rings.] 

DM: The official's called for the bell, and we're officially underway! Owyns is POUNDING away at John Doe! 

MN: That kinda reminds me of the night I pounded... 

DT+DM: Neely! 

MN: Oh, nevermind. 

DT: Back to the action now, Owyns has pulled Doe up to his feet, and there's an Irish Whip into the ropes! Doe rebounds.... there's a clothesline from Owyns... no siree! Doe ducks under and hits the opposite ropes and rebounds... FLYING FOREARM to Owyns' face! 

DM: That's a high impact move, Dave, and Owyns just hit the canvas HARD. 

DT: Doe now pulls Owyns up to his feet and boots him square in the breadbasket. He hooks an arm... there's a nicely executed snap suplex! 

DM: That was real crisp, Dave! That'll leave welts on your back if you're not careful! 

MN: That kinda reminds me of the night I got whi- 

DM: Neely! Family show! 

MN: RIght! 

DT: Once again, Doe has pulled Owyns up to his feet, and there's a solid European uppercut from Doe! Owyns returns fire, but Doe ducks, and Owyns spins around on wobbly legs! Doe grabs him around the waist, and... WOW! What a release German suplex from John Doe! 

DM: He dropped him right on the back of his head, Dave! There's a cover! 

DT: ONE! TWO! THR-NO KICKOUT!! 

Doe quickly gets to his feet and heads for the corner. He climbs up to the top rope... 

MN: MEGA MOONSAULT ATTACK! 

Doe hits a huge moonsault, and goes for the cover! 

DT: ONE! TWO! OWYNS KICKS OUT! 

Doe picks Owyns up again, and whips him to the ropes, yet Owyns reverses and sends Doe to the ropes. Owyns hits the far ropes as well and comes charging at Doe! 

MN: ORIGINAL CLOTHESLINE! 

DM: NO!! DOE SLID UNDERNEATH! 

DT: Doe just nailed Owyns with a drop kick to the back of the head! Owyns has stumbled into the ropes, and he bounces off! 

DM: THERE IT IS!! THE AMNESIA ATTACK!! 

DT: And a cover!! ONE! TWO!! THREEEEE!!! 

[SFX: Bell rings.] 

[CUE UP: "Hypocritical" By Methods of Mayhem, and John Doe gets to his feet as the official raises his arm!] 

DT: There's a convincing win for John Doe tonight on Aggression as we continue to head down the road to Black Dawn! We'll be right back after this!

DT: We’re back and it’s time for As the Cameron Cruise Project turns, part two!

DM: You know Cameron’s hot after being stripped of his Intercontinental Title earlier tonight. I can’t wait to see this… 

[MUSIC CUEUP: “I Need A Hero” – Bonnie Tyler] 

[Where have all the good men gone? And where are all the gods? Where’s the street-wise Hercules to fight the rising odds? Excellent questions indeed. A sold-out Wachovia Center collectively stand poised for answers, but accustomed in life to receiving none. Joey Melton decked out in an immaculate three-piece suit struts down the aisle, house mic in his hand.] 

JOEY MELTON: Christ, you know it ain’t easy, you know how hard it can be. The way things are goooooooooooin, they’re gonna crucify me. 

[CROWD: Booooo!] 

JOEY MELTON: People, [Melton turns and begins to walk backwards as he motions to the crowd for calm, and perspective] my good people. Don’t blame me for Cameron Cruise’s situation. Don’t blame me for the hate instilled in the man’s heart, nor his unwillingness to accept all of God’s creatures as they were born. Equal, and in dire need of understanding and love. 

DT: Please… 

MN: Quiet, the truth’s being told. 

DT: Uh huh. 

[Joey brushes the poor reception off like water off his back, and steps between the ropes to enter the ring.] 

JOEY MELTON: I was witness to horrors, the hate speak that pours from Cruise’s body for over a year. I saw, [Joey leans over the top rope to point at a fan] Shut your mouth kid, while I’m up here you understand that? [BOO!] I’ll drag you AND your momma up here and paint your ass red, don’t for a second think I won’t. [YOU SUCK MELTON!] I saw, Cameron Cruise save a bundle of duck eggs from acres of land set to be destroyed for commercial development, raise the duckies in an incubator and then when they were ready to fly and make their own way, Cruise released them in a pond with a bevy of hunters, no POACHERS, taking aim in the bushes! He raised those poor ducks to be slaughtered! THAT [BOOOOOOOOOOO] THAT is the essence of Cameron Cruise. No respect for God’s creatures, nor his fellow man! I speak the truth, and you idiots know it! That’s why I’m out here…that’s why I have a forum to EDCUATE you poor, economically depressed people who haven’t seen a winning sports franchise since Moses climbed up the mountain to fetch ‘say-so’. I tell it like it is…and when I say Cameron Cruise is a neo-Nazi, you better believe it! 

MN: I bet Melton’s a wonder on telethons. 

DM: He’d get my five bucks. 

[BOOOOOOOOOOO!] 

JOEY MELTON: You saw the video! For those of you who didn’t, I tried to arrange it to be shown here tonight, but apparently our fearless leader Dan Ryan has seen enough. He’s seen the proof…the damning evidence. Cameron Cruise hates Jews, blacks, and [Censor]. Cameron Cruise believes the holocaust should be a national holiday, and reenacted like the Civil War. Cameron Cruise is FOR segregation, AND a tax increase. Has he ever shared a public fountain with a black man? Has he ever had a taste of brown sugar, or helped an old queer across the street? 

DM: Neither has Neely, come to think of it. 

JOEY MELTON: No, he hasn’t, but Cameron Cruise has a crippling phobia, and it’s PEOPLE WHO ARE DIFFERENT! PEOPLE WHO AREN’T AS WHITE AS WHITE CAN BE! 

[YOU SUCK! BOOOOOOOOOO! CAMMMY!] 

JOEY MELTON: I know that doesn’t sit well, mainly because most of you are illiterate and can’t understand what I’m saying. But, you can understand this. Cameron Cruise is NOT a friend to the Jewish community in South Florida. I dare say, Cameron Cruise is the reason the poor, socially challenged people, MY people in New Orleans weren’t evacuated safely, and in time! [BOOOOOOOOOOOO] Cameron Cruise has NOT watched a single minute of news coverage. No, friends, Cruise…YOUR former IC champion has been too busy trying to secure guest spots on Greg The Bunny. It’s true. 

DT: Can we cut his mic now? 

MN: Greg The Bunny? That’s high-class. 

[GO HOME YOU ROTTEN PIECE OF..] 

JOEY MELTON: And I say this tonight. Sincerely. Bring that camera in tight, ass wipe. [CLOSE-UP – Melton looks sad, bottom lip tucked in like Clinton apologizing for one of his many crimes] I refuse to betray humanity and give Cameron Cruise the time of day! I refuse to be in this very ring tonight and wrestle that man! He was stripped of the IC title, as far as I’m concerned he should be run out of town and back to Alabama where the racists run scouting combines to be drafted into the KKK. Dan Ryan, I must respectfully decline to be a part of your show tonight, IF it involves me lowering myself to wrestle a noted hater like Cameron Cruise. And I most certainly will not be appearing at BLACK DAWN to wrestle Cruise! 

MN: You have to respect a man who takes a stand. 

DM: Here, here. 

[Chants of “Chicken Sh*t” break out.] 

JOEY MELTON: I’m doing this for YOU! For you people to dumb to realize when you’ve been slighted! Every mass of wasted humanity must be led into battle, and I’ve taken the post! Joey Melton is ready to get his hands dirty and lead you poor people to social victory! We must shun Cameron Cruise! We must… 

[HUGE POP. The roof LIFTS off.] 

[Everyone rubber necks to see a furious Cameron Cruise race down the aisle and slide through the bottom rope. Melton turns but not in time! Cameron buries his right foot into Joey’s stomach.]