DT: Well, ladies and gentlemen, this Sunday, Empire Pro Wrestling presents to you-
[Suddenly, Dave is interrupted by a burst of on-screen static, then a clip of Sylvester the Cat, of Looney Tunes fame, from the cartoon "Birds Anonymous." The scene is, he's bawling on the kitchen floor, having a complete breakdown.]
Sylvester: I can't stand it! I gotta have a bird! I'm weak! I'm weak, but I don't care! I can't help it! After all, I am a *****cat!
[And just as abruptly, static, and then back to Dave and the others]
DT: What the heck was that?
MN: Were we just bought out by Time Warner? Don't tell me Ted Turner talked them into buying a wrestling federation?
DM: Uh, let's keep going. This years Unleashed is hailing from-
[And again, the guys are interrupted by a brief burst of static, and then this time with a clip of Daffy Duck going absolutely bonkers in front of a very confused Elmer Fudd. The cartoon is "Duck! Rabbit, Duck!"]
Daffy: Shoot me again! I enjoy it! I like the smell of burnt feathers, and gunpowder, and cordite! I'M AN ELK! SHOOT ME, GO ON! IT'S ELK SEASON!!
[Yet again, static, and the even more confused announcers.]
MN: Someone is messing with us. That's the only explanation.
Voice: Testing, 1, 2, 3, am I coming in loud and unclear? Do not adjust your sets, ladies and gentlemen, there is nothing wrong with your TV, besides the fact that you have to listen to the likes of Mike Neely on a regular basis.
MN: Oh, no... it's James Irish, who else would be this bold, and so childish at the same time?!
[Static again, and then a close shot of James' face]
James Irish: So now, security is wise to my presence in EPW without any form of contract, and has taken measures to keep me out of the building. But EPW management cannot keep me off this show, just like they can't stop me from popping up at Unleashed. Oh, I'm not surprised, people always fear most that which they do not understand. And I do have a reputation for turning things up... side... down!
[The shot of James turns upside down as he says that word.]
JI: So, if EPW doesn't want me around... of course, you know, this means WAR!!
[After a very obvious tape edit, Erin Flanagan appears in the background, right-side up]
Erin: Lad... what the hell are ye doin'?
[The illusion shattered, James tumbles to the ground.]
JI: Learning that gravity works... cut to commercial, please...
[“Zero” by Smashing Pumpkins blares over the arena speakers as EPW Owner Dan Ryan steps out onto the stage….not happy. He stalks to the ring and climbs in, motioning for the music to be stopped.]
DT: We’ll we’re supposed to get an announcement on Unleashed but the boss doesn’t look pleased.
MN: I don’t know why. Everyone loves Looney Tunes.
Ryan: First thing’s first. James Irish.You want my attention? Fine, you’ve got it. Next week, Unleashed. I expect you in my office to discuss what it is exactly that you want. You find my office, come in…and we’ll chat. If I don’t see you by the end of the show, I hunt you down, beat you up in front of your woman and throw you out the front door. Simple? Good.
Now then, IrishRed.
[pop from the crowd – Ryan raises an eyebrow]
At Unleashed, your situation will be settled once and for all. You’ll come to ring, I’ll come to the ring and we’re gonna end this. You’ll either apologize for your actions, or I’ll fire you on the spot. There is no other option. One thing you’re all gonna learn – all this new talent who think they have the stroke to do whatever they want around here – is that the buck starts and ends….RIGHT HERE. Nowhere else, and with no one else.
And last but not least – I’m happy to announce the main event for Unleashed. As you all know, rumors have been flying around about the nature of the main event. So then, I’m happy to announce that at Unleashed it will be the Queen of the Ring Lindsay Troy defending against Joey Melton…..
[Loud pop]
Against Karl Brown…..
And against the winner of tonight’s battle royal….
In a four way dance, where each competitor is eliminated as they are pinned or forced to submit. Now then, if any….
[Ryan is interrupted by the chanting of monks, as the crowd simply erupts. “Figue You Out” starts up as Beast comes down the ramp to the ring, a scowl on his face, and climbs in. He calls for a microphone as Dan Ryan stares a hole in him.]
Beast: I’m sorry, but I didn’t hear my name in the lineup for that World Title match, Dan.
Ryan: [patronizingly] That’s because you’re not IN the match…MARCUS.
Beast: Well help me out here, because I thought maybe my memory was failing me but didn’t I earn a shot at the World Title at Black Dawn?
Ryan: You did.
Beast: And yet, I’m not in the match.
Ryan: That’s right.
Beast: So do you mind explaining to me how that is, that I win my title shot but don’t actually GET my title shot?
Ryan: Actually I do mind.
[Ryan turns and starts to leave the ring, so Beast puts a hand on his shoulder to stop him. Just then Ryan turns and starts talking again.]
Ryan: I changed my mind. I’d be happy to tell you why you don’t actually get your title shot. You see Marcus, as always you aren’t the sharpest knife in the drawer when it comes to situations again. Once again, you fail to cover your bases and you end up left out in the cold.
You won a shot at the title, but I decide when it happens. I never said it would be at Unleashed. I never said it would be in this decade. So then, you get no title shot this week. [Ryan leans in and tilts his head, mock sympathetically] Sorry.
Beast: [Seething] The title shot, Dan.
Ryan: Okay okay okay, Marcus. Don’t beg. [Ryan smiles.]
[Beast’s eyes narrow further.]
Ryan: I’ve got an offer. And considering I hold all the cards, I’m sure it’s one you can’t refuse. I’ll be happy to give you your title shot at Unleashed. Sound good?
[Beast doesn’t answer, he just glares at the owner. Ryan smiles and turns to pace the ring as he talks.]
Ryan: You can be in the match. I can make it a five-way dance. But on one condition……if you fail to win the EPW World Title, Marcus – you’re suspended….INDEFINITELY…
DT: WOW…
MN: Friggin’ awesome! You mean we can get rid of big loafy that easily??
Ryan: So it’s up to you. Be patient and wait for a title shot, or take it now and risk your entire EPW career. So then…what’s it gonna be.
[Beast stares at Ryan then turns and paces the ring himself before finally stopping as he faces the crowd with his back to his boss.]
Beast: Book the match, Ryan.
[Beast can’t see it, but behind him Ryan smiles broadly as Beast steps forward and through the ropes to the outside and walks up the ramp and through the curtain without looking back.]
The show came back from the break with all sixteen Battle Royal contestants in the ring. Across the ring from each other, The Highland Park Social Club members kept a wary eye on JA as he returned their stare. Foxx had her attention on Cameron Cruise as he seems to pace back and forth while glaring at her, waiting for the match to start. As the introductions were made, EPW World Heavyweight Champion Lindsay Troy came down to ringside and adopted a spot at near the timekeeper and stood, taking it all in. The bell rang, and the fighting began, some along predictable lines and others randomly, simply looking to get people out as soon as possible. Richard Farnswirth and Chip Friendly made a beeline for JA, whom they brawled with right off the bat.
Slambo the Clown was caught by Steven Shane as he tried to join his comrades. The first elimination came quickly and surprisingly as Steven Shane and Slambo struggled near the ropes and Ken Cloverleaf took the opportunity to dropkick Slambo in the side of the head while he wasn’t looking, sending him tumbling over the top rope and to the floor. Unfortunately for Steven Shane, Slambo held his grip and drug him over the top himself, eliminating both men. Shane stood unbelieving and glared up at Ken Cloverleaf, who apologized profusely but turned back to the match.
Foxx and Cameron Cruise slugged it out in one corner, though Foxx used her quickness to dodge a Cruise attack and wailed on him with vicious side kicks to the midsection. Felicia Hart tried to stay back and bide her time, but Frankie Scott caught her from behind and delivered a hard reverse DDT to the mat before an unsuccessful attempt to toss her out early. Kin Hiroshi got locked in with Ken Cloverleaf following Cloverleaf’s elimination of Slambo the Clown and Steven Shane. As Cloverleaf Irish whipped Hiroshi across the ring he ran smack into IrishRed, who shifted his weight at the last moment and hooked Hiroshi over the top rope and to the floor, eliminating him. In a match with much extra curricular activity, Frankie Scott eliminated himself after Sergeant came to the ring to get a closer look at his opponent at Unleashed.
Upon seeing The Sarge at ringside and following his loss earlier in the night, Frankie Scott climbed to the top rope and leaped out of the ring onto Sergeant, who was slapping a high five to a fan at the time, sparking a brawl that would lead security to break to two men, also eliminating Scott. During this exchange, it was Sean Stevens taking control on the other side of the ring, hitting JA and IrishRed with two belly to belly suplexes in succession. As Stevens turned from suplexing IrishRed, he saw X-ecutioner and Armando Montezuma near the ropes and delivered a hard Factor X, his hard straight kick to the side of X-ecutioner’s head sending him flying over the ropes.
Montezuma attacked Stevens and slugged him with two right hands, then slipped around to attempt a German suplex but was eliminated when Stevens flipped backward out of the suplex and landed on his feet, then clotheslined Montezuma over the top rope and to the floor. Felicia Hart was the next to go, as she foolishly climbed the top rope in an attempt to drop and axe handle on Foxx, but was caught when Foxx rushed the ropes and springboarded off the top ring rope to hit a dropkick on her while she was perched up top, sending Hart to the floor.
Our second batch of interference came when EPW World Tag Team Champions, Blitz stormed the ring area and climbed the apron near the two remaining Highland Park Social Club members. Farnswirth, busy fending off Ken Cloverleaf was ill prepared as Max grabbed him by his next and drug him over the top rope to the floor and began pounding away. Jecht joined in, double teaming Farnswirth while Leonard Johnson yelled down at him. Chip Friendly saw the commotion and turned, breaking his concentration just long enough for IrishRed to drive a hard jumping knee into his back and send him over the top to the floor, where Blitz continued to pound away at both men for a few moments before backing their way up the ramp, having made their point.
Cameron Cruise was eliminated almost simultaneously on the other side of the ring as JA and Sean Stevens teamed up to lift him up and over the top rope to the floor. Foxx found herself hitting some high octane offense, delivering a series of dropkicks and a springboard leg drop across the throat of Ken Cloverleaf and Adam Benjamin. It was Sean Stevens once again, however who ducked her last roundhouse kick attempt and caught her by the leg and around the neck and threw her over with a vicious suplex. Moments later, Foxx was Stevens’ latest victim as he tossed her over. JA and IrishRed laid into each other in a corner, trading hard lefts and rights with IrishRed getting the upper hand.
JA started to slump in the corner and IrishRed tried hard to lift him over the top but JA held tight to the top rope. Ken Cloverleaf broke up the attempt with a hard forearm to IrishRed’s back and they then began slugging away at each other. JA regained his senses and snuck up on the two of them, ramming their heads together. Using his quickness, JA slipped out of the ring onto the apron and leaped up into a springboard body press onto both men, landing all three into a huge heap in the middle of the ring.
It was then that Adam Benjamin landed the move of the night as he snuck to the top rope and dropped a high flying elbow onto JA as he lay on the mat following the body press. Sean Stevens then lifted JA up and dropped his neck across the top rope with a hotshot. With JA staggering in the ring, Stevens grabbed him by the back of the neck and ran him to the ropes, tossing him over and to the floor, leaving us with a final four of Ken Cloverleaf, IrishRed, Adam Benjamin and Sean Stevens.
The remaining four paired off as Adam Benjamin started slugging it out with Sean Stevens and Ken Cloverleaf got to their feet finally. Benjamin and Stevens fought each other tooth and nail, with Stevens taking the upperhand and hitting a uranage off of a missed roundhouse from Benjamin. Cloverleaf was ill-prepared to deal with the hard hitting brawling style of IrishRed and was quickly overcome. After slugging Cloverleaf into the corner and bringing him out with an overhead powerslam, Red pulled Cloverleaf up and threw him over the top, leaving us with only three.
As IrishRed turned to his final two competitors, he saw Benjamin drop Stevens with a hard brainbuster in the center of the ring. Benjamin motioned to the crowd and climbed the top rope, but as he leapt off he was caught by IrishRed, who flipped him over his head with a hard flipping Samoan Drop. As Stevens and Benjamin lay prone in the ring, IrishRed pulled Benjamin up and set him up for a double underhook piledriver, but struggled to get him up – Benjamin fighting it the whole way.
IrishRed finally got control and brought him up, but as he did Stevens made it up and hit a hard running straight kick, another Factor X, right into IrishRed’s jaw. The hold broken, Steven ran full steam and clotheslined IrishRed with a loud yell as he leaned against the ropes and flipped him over the top rope and down hard to the floor. Stevens turned and screamed to the crowd, getting a huge ovation and lifted Adam Benjamin to his feet. Benjamin fought back, drilling Stevens in the stomach with hard elbows and hit the ropes. Stevens dropped as Benjamin bounced off the ropes and Benjamin leaps over into the other side, coming off with a high flying forearm.
Stevens staggered back into the ropes and bounced back, with Benjamin waiting with a big backdrop but Stevens stopped in time and grabbed Benjamin in a side headlock before jumping to the middle rope and leaping out into a bulldog in the center of the ring. From there, Stevens quickly locked a ¾ facelock in and hit a devastating Inverted Facelock suplex in the middle of the ring. Stevens drug Benjamin to the corner and in moments had him up and out of the ring to win the Battle Royal and a shot at the World Title at Unleashed.
Winner: “Triple X” Sean Stevens