[Cut to the ramp, where a wreath of pyro explodes around the EmpireTron and several bomblike, smoky explosions ripple about the entry way. The camera zooms in on the screen as the pyro finally peters out, then blurs to roving shots of the roaring crowd as a small banner in the corner briefly appears to proclaim that EPW is broadcast en Espanol.]
[We cut to the broadcast booth where Dave Thomas, Mike Neely and Dean Matthews sit.]
DT: Welcome to the Scottrade Center in St. Louis, Missouri and Empire Pro Wrestling’s Aggression 26!! I’m your host Dave Thomas and alongside me as always are the one and only Dean Matthews and of course….Mike Neely!!
DM: Big night tonight, Dave as we continue on our way to Wrestleverse II. Three titles are on the line including the World Championship!
DT: Indeed they are!! Let’s go up to the ring to Tony Fatora and get this thing underway!!
TF: The following contest is scheduled for ONE FALL!!!
[Crowd cheers]
TF: Introducing first…
[CUE UP: “We Right Here” by DMX]
TF: From Springfield, Missouri, weighing in at 201 pounds…THE SERGEANT!!!! His opponent…
[CUE UP: “I’ll Drink to You” by Duke Jupiter]
TF: From Fredonia, New York, he weighs in at 245 pounds. Accompanied by Erin Flanagan…JAMES IRISH!!!!
[SFX: Bell rings]
DT: Aaaaaaand, they’re off!
MN: Dude, this isn’t a horse race. Chill
DT: They circle, and lock up…and James Irish just shoves Sarge away! Sarge wants another lock up, and again Irish just blows him off.
DM: Apparently the Clown Prince doesn’t even want to recognize Sarge as a real opponent.
DT: Sergeant up again, wants to lock up again…NO! James finally bit on one, and Sarge blasted him in the jaw with an uppercut, sending Irish twirling into the corner! Irish turns around, straight right hand from Sarge, and another, and another! Off the ropes comes Sarge…cross body! The pin…
ONE…
Quick kickout!
DM: I think Jimmy’ll pay a bit more attention to Sarge now.
MN: Yeah. What he said.
DM: Is that all you can come up with, Neely?
DT: Absolutely.
MN: What he said.
DT: The Sergeant goes straight back on the attack, another punch…irish whip…Dropkick! Down goes James Irish! Up he comes…BIG HIGH DROPKICK by the Sarge! Irish gets up again…Sarge with the third kick…NO!!! James slid to the mat, and the Sergeant just did a really awkward belly flop onto the canvas!
MN: He looked like you did as a ten year old kid at the pool, Davey.
DT: For your information, I was a certified lifeguard.
DM: If anything, you were the one begging mommy to watch you do the backflip and getting all welted up in the end, Neelster.
MN: Nuh uh!
DM: Why?
MN: I don’t know how to swim.
DT: Sarge is stinging from that one, and James gives him no time to recover! Forearm to the head, knee to his already reddened stomach…and a big running kneelift knocks the soldier to his back!
DM: Pardon the pun, but the Clown Prince is making a laugher out of this one.
MN: Please, don’t pardon the pun. I hate puns!
DT: Sarge pulls himself up…boot to the abdomen by James Irish…and a snap suplex! Lateral press…quick kickout by The Sergeant! Irish off the ropes…FLYING CLOTHESLINE! James measures him up…misses the elbow! Sarge rolled away just in time!
DM: And with James down, Sarge is taking some personal time…with Erin?
MN: That’s a little odd, but they seem to enjoy each others company.
DM: Well, there’s one guy who doesn’t.
MN: And who might that be?
DM: Uhhhhh…James Irish?
MN: Oh. That guy.
DM: Yeah.
MN: The guy who’s…
DT: Rolling up the Sarge from behind! Schoolboy pin…
ONE…
TWO…
NO! The Sergeant took a little TOO much time to fraternize with Erin Flanagan and ALMOST paid for it! Sarge springs up, but Irish hits him with a rough forearm across the chest. Whip off the ropes…TILT-A-WHIRL BACKBREAKER!!! Pulls him up…shoulderbreaker! Sarge is down, and James Irish locks in a reclining armbar.
DM: Sergeant loves the mat-based, submission style game, and now James Irish is throwing it right back at him.
MN: Well, if you put it that way…
DT: Irish torques that arm back the wrong way, trying to pull it out of its socket. Sarge is struggling, grimacing right now, he’s trying to extend that right arm out and turn towards the ropes. Irish cranks back again…but Sarge makes a desperate roll towards the ropes and gets his hand across the bottom cord! But, that had to do some damage.
DM: Absolutely, Dave.
DT: Sarge pulls himself up, he’s favoring that left arm. Irish takes a big run…NOBODY HOME!! James wanted to clothesline Sarge over the ropes to the floor, and Sarge bailed out, and what a collision James Irish made with those hard mats on the floor!
[CUT TO: Slo-mo replay. Sarge grabs the ropes and drops down, Irish flips over and lands hard, back-first, on the floor.]
DT: Sarge sets up on the apron…two steps…FLYING ELBOW!!! Dropped the elbow right across the sternum of James Irish! Erin comes over to check on James, but Sarge is right between them to…start the friendly conversation?
DM: This is seriously, seriously weird.
MN: Yeah. Hey, did we just get moved to MyNetworkTV?
DM: Don’t think so.
DT: James is a little dazed, but he’s up, and he’s got his hands on his hips, wondering just what the hell is going on! He taps Sarge on the shoulder…Sarge turns…wicked left hand! One more! And here comes the big right! Sarge is stumbling, and James slides into the ring to break the count!
MN: Probably a good idea to not get yourself counted out.
DT: Sarge slips into the ring as well, and James is right back on the offensive. Quick rights to the chest…whips him into the corner…running back elbow! Sarge staggers out…powerslam by James Irish! Pulls him up, puts Sarge over his shoulder…running start…SARGE SLIPS OUT! James spins around…SPINNING HEEL KICK FROM THE SERGEANT!! Sarge pounds the mat…slips behind James Irish…German Suplex with a bridge!
ONE…
TWO…
THREEEENOOOO!!!!! James Irish gets the shoulder up!
DM: Sarge is as technically sound as anyone out there, that was a textbook German suplex right there.
DT: Both men to their feet, Sarge locks up Irish. Whips him...cuts it off with a VICIOUS short-arm clothesline! Nearly took his head off with that one!
MN: Eensy-weensy bit of over-exaggeration their, Thomas.
DM: “Eensy-weensy”?
MN: Yeah, *****!
DM/DT: Child.
MN: **pouts**
DT: The Sergeant is on a roll right now! Measures up the rising James Irish…clips the knee! Off the ropes…facecrusher!
DM: Momentum, momentum, momentum. It’s all in Sarge’s corner right now.
DT: James Irish is in big trouble right now. Sarge pulls him up by the neck…locks him up…S-T-O!!!! Slams him to the mat!
MN: And Sarge wants to put this one away now! Not only that, he wants to make the Clown Prince squeal!
DT: Sarge is waiting for Irish to rise. He stalks around…up comes Irish…hooks the head…CORRECTIVE TRAINING!!!! He’s got it locked…NO!!!! James stumbled straight backwards and dropped the Sergeant onto the turnbuckles!
DM: Not textbook wrestling from James Irish, but he knew exactly where he was and how to use the ring to his advantage.
DT: Irish looking to take back the momentum in this match. Corner-to-corner Irish whip…James sprints across the ring…FLYING SPLASH!!! Massive chest-to-chest impact!
MN: That would be so much better if chicks were involved.
DM: Misogynist.
MN: You know it.
DM: Yeah…me too.
DT: Sarge wobbles out of the corner…Irish catches him…SPINEBUSTER!!!! The ring shakes with the impact! He hooks the leg…
ONE…
TWO…
OH SO CLOSE!!!! The Sergeant just gets the right shoulder off the mat at the absolute last moment! James sets up the whip…countered by Sarge…BACK BODY DROP—NO—HE TELEGRAPHED IT!!! James Irish nailed him straight across the face with a sharp right front kick!
DM: You can not afford to make a mistake like that in a situation like this. Come on, Sarge, you’re smarter than that!
MN: Dude. Maybe he’s not.
DT: Sarge is reeling…Irish with a couple chops right across the sternum area…front facelock…up goes Sarge…SLINGSHOT SUPLEX!!! Dropped him across the ropes then back onto the mat with tremendous force! Brings him up…quick Double Arm DDT! He pins…
ONE…
TWO…
STILL NOT ENOUGH!!! James Irish is pulling out plenty of stops but The Sergeant will not give in! Now Irish is stalking Sarge! Sarge rises…from behind comes James…AIR CHECK—NO!!! Sarge shoved him away—QUEBRADA!!! QUEBRADA!!!! Springboard Moonsault by James Irish after missing his finisher! What a display of agility.
MN: Man, that was freaking awesome!
DT: James sets Sarge up on the top turnbuckle now, looking to do even further damage. Front facelock…SUPERPLEX—WHAT THE HELL!!!! OH MY LORD!!! SARGE SHIFTED HIS WEIGHT IN MIDAIR AND TURNED IT INTO A CROSSBODY!!!! He hooks the leg…
ONE…
TWO…
THREEEEEEE!!!!! The Sergeant pulls it out with a terrific show of athleticism and wins a very exciting encounter!
DM: That’s a huge, huge win for Sarge but what about that weirdness with Erin??
DT: Something to definitely keep an eye on, folks. We’ll be back right after this!!